Understanding This ONE THING Will Break The Narcissist's SPELL Over You 

Jesus Christ will break that energetic hold .he broke my soul ties .give him a try

Narcissists mimic others. They are perfect actors. They pretend to be the perfect partner in the beginning , that’s the love trap. These evil bastards !!!

Once you know the truth, its no way back! Thank you Paula

“The narcissist never knew you” … very hard to comprehend after all these years... but unfortunately... It's true

I told the narc "you are underestimating me.” And he laughed. He's not laughing now. He did hurt me deeply but I am a Child of God and proud of it. If you are a Child of God, you will get through the storm and You will be okay and even better than okay. Hang in there and pray like the Warrior You are. Much love to you❤

it's sad that they are lunatics and it's not covered by social insurance, so they are doomed to play their fantasies of kings and queens in real world.

This is all true and it happened because I didn’t know about these predators.

My narc destroyed every aspect of my life. I am now taking my life back!!!

At first, I thought, "How am I going to live without him. Why is he doing this to me? Now, after watching many videos, I'm healing. It's unbelievable to us. Their thought process is demented.

Id like to know, how many of us didnt even "like" the narcissist/s when we met them first? (yet the pursuing of us and overfamiliarity confused us and broke us down) then by the end, your craving someone back, like a drug that you didnt even like (maybe even disliked!) in the first place! its crazy!!! I wont let anyone tell me who i am now, im starting (yet another) future and doing all the things ive wanted to (yet had no confidence to do before) thats when you know your becoming YOU, Thanks again paula 💛🤗💛

It's been 3 yrs since I last spoke with my exN. We live in different states now & he has a child with the person he got with after we split up. Yet he STILL tries to reach out! I'm sure his curiosity gets the best of him wanting to know if I'm in the fetal position crying & pining for him etc! Or if I'm still the weak little "yes" person I was when he left! The answer to both is NO! But he'll never be given the chance to get to know the "new" me! He can stay with his baby mama & forget I ever existed!

It took 2 yrs of back and forth for me until I finally let go of all of this …. And went NO CONTACT .

Today, 13 June 2023, I finally took that big step. It took me six months to sort through my deep attachments and fears. Could not have done so without you Paula and this brilliant, caring community. If anyone feels so led, please keep me in your prayers. With gratitude, Jeff

2 years out and 100% back to myself, my life is full and I am soooooo happy, single and at peace.He came back, hoovered looking for the old version of me, I told him "that girl is gone", he was then gone, saying I was too much work. Meaning he could groom someone new alot easier than trying to get me back in line. LOL so obvious once you see through the veil.

This Narcissist thing is hard to deal with when You come to realise after many years of not knowing about this and eventually realising one of your own siblings Is and your own Mother was sad to say 😏. Edit; God bless this Lady Paula 🙏🏼👍🏼

Absolutely! It works for me to maintain my mission statement. That recenters me. I realize that when I do my empath thing, wondering what I could have done to keep the relationship going, that it’s not me. The relationship was not going to last anyway. This person did a most surprising 180° on me. It was totally amazing. Fortunately, this happened within four months of the beginning of the relationship. I had noticed that the N was monopolizing my time so I had started pulling back… “Reclaiming my time!” Apparently the N noticed that they weren’t head honcho in my life. So amazing. Our relationship plummeted, unraveled in one fell swoop. That’s when I realized I had been dealing with a full-fledged N.

Once you know you go you get out and you stay out, once you know what they really are you must get away and go no contact,it will just get worse, and eventually the trauma bond will break, it's a spiritual battle the devil 👿 can't get you so he sends these demons your way 🙏👍 Paula thanks for the video 🦋🙏

The 6th sense - that.... "they know you and who you are better than anyone else"....SO TRUE....now at almost 10 months post discard this channel is still my staple..."the truth sets you free"...not only am I in a battle to heal from long term narc abuse but am in a tandem battle contending for the children I serve - 29 years as School Counselor - and in the last 3-4 months come under fire for speaking up as to their needs - the intensity of that battle has limited me from reaching out because of being locked in that battle too...prayer appreciated but I am fighting on in Christs strength....AS ALWAYS!!!! I THANK GOD FOR THIS VIDEO!!!...AND as always I find myself praying for you Paula. THANK YOU!!!

This is really good and the kind of message people should be listening too. Before they can get it, they have to break cognitive dissonance... You see, sometimes when you think the "relationship" is over-you think that's the ending. To a malignant narc-that's the beginning. They have been waiting for you to end the relationship.

Great video. I agree with this. It really can take a while for the spiritual bond to dissolve. I've learned to be very careful who I open myself up to because of this. I've found that doing the internal work in a variety of ways helps. I saved the messages and photos this person sent me for a variety of reasons. I've had reason to look at a few of the pictures recently and now I see the situation completely differently than when I was going through it. I had to forgive myself and move on. It was a perfect setup and there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome. It took me a while to be grateful for the experience because it was so difficult to go through. But now I know what darkness looks like in very definitive terms. I can now see it and I avoid it. Previously, I certainly knew darkness existed but didn't understand the specifics. Now that the specifics have snapped into place, it's extremely helpful. I don't even blame this person anymore. He was certainly responsible for the surface level deceptions, but not for the deeper ones. I also wouldn't want to be him. I actually pray for him when I can and I'm grateful to feel back in balance. Thanks so much for your work, Paula. It's really helpful.

Narcs have a glitter that is like a drug: just want more! Its as if I cannot live without them. So to combat this awful drug, I focus on what I am doing and to build myself up. Its a tough battle, especially with family narc influences and then marrying one.

I don't doubt anything about myself anymore. I understand the process. He showed me my weak points, and the only part of me that disappeared was the weak, traumatized people pleaser. The new person who emerged is a stranger to him.

Supply is a very sobering but a so disgusting Word It makes me want to puke but also cry

Thanks! This is great advise to continue to disconnect yourself from the narcissist. 7 months out, and I am slowly feeling more centered. When the illusion of love shatters, all the pieces of the puzzle have to be examined in new light and clarity - as you educate yourself and put the pieces of yourself back together. Then on to reclaim who you really were before the confusion of narcissistic abuse entered your life … that is the best use of your time - and your energy can be focused back on you, not the narcissist! That narcissist has taken up enough of your time…. Get back to YOU! Love to everyone going thru this painful experience - and thank God for Paula and others on RU-vid who are literally saving lives with this information, help, and encouragement!

My sister learner her narcissism from my father. She was the eldest and I was the 3rd of 4 children. She used to push me forward to deal with difficult situations or people. I really believed I had the personality to deal with it but why didn't she? The eldest child? Now I know about this disorder of narcissism I can see she had groomed me to be her version of me. She made me feel. I had a special strength and power, when really I saw myself as a quiet empathic and ordinary person, happy in my solitude yet coerced by her into confronting family problems and blowing me up to function out of my ego. As you say, how dare she. We are now estranged as adults and I have a battle to believe in myself, I think I am getting there. Thanks for the video.😊

Thank you for this video Paula. It was very affirming for me. I can tell I'm getting over the narcissist because songs that used to remind me of her no longer carry the same meaning as they once did. I'm able to listen to them again without having a strong emotional attachment to the narcissist. This not only means I'm getting healthy, I'm also getting my music collection back. I had three people confirm in the last six months that I really dodged a bullet when the narcissist discarded me, and nothing could be closer to the truth. Your videos have played a big role in my healing, and I'm very thankful for what you share.

He controlled everything, lipstick I wore, etc.

This is so good, and accurately explains the key frames of a narcissistic colonisation of their victim's mind. Thank you. I've never heard it explained so succcinctly before.

My malignant psychopath narcissist has destroyed me. I will never be ok. But he left this earth April 5th. Just because he's gone doesn't mean he's really gone. He still haunts me. He had five different secret lives. He was evil to the bone. Vicious. Cruel. Terrifying. Violent. But he was the best lover ever. He had women everywhere. When he left this earth his family confirmed he never had money because he was picking up street hos and bringing them to motels. His daughter showed signs of being molested as a kid. (His father abused his sister for many years as my narc watched but he said he had the perfect life. She even got pregnant by him) I am at this point where some of the things he told me I believe he has killed women. Its just because of things he said. He was diabolical and I'm the ONLY one who has ever spoken out. And he HATED me for it but he came back over and over and over until the very end. He couldn't let me go. And he still can't. But I can't let him go either. I miss him but I hate him. I love him but I'm glad he's gone.

My ex said that he always knew where I was and that he could read my mind…so sick and creepy. He presented it as true love and a very close connection.

Agree. When you do the work on your identity, you avoid the hooks they try to get into you.

This is 1 video I don't fully relate to. Phew! I knew the narcissist didn't know me well because they never asked the big questions. I knew it, I felt it, I tolerated it and đidn't listen to my gut enough, because I was swayed, charmed, lovebombed and trauma bonded. I tried to leave twice - with me always coming back. 3rd time lucky I discarded them again, went NC and blocked and deleted, worked out why they were weird (NPD), and remain NC 4 months later. Healing!

You are wonderful! Yes, it feels that you don’t want anyone else and never will. A spell is a great way of describing the confusing, powerless hypnotic trance it seems like once you’re distanced. Great insight.

I am almost 40 years old and married 20 years, There have multiple affairs in my marriage and I always thought it was because I was screwing up and not being a good husband/father, but then I learned about what a covert narcissist is. To be honest, I'm not sure what hurts worse, the discard or the thought that my wife will never and can't genuinely love me. Things are good right now, but I now understand this pattern will come full circle, and she has no idea about all this homework I am doing about covert narcissism.

My narcissistic ex suggested he could read my mind. Also he said that always knew where I was intituitive. Super creepy…

Paula , I just want to say , on behalf of ALL if us on this forum , what a HUGE difference your content makes ! Having learned about NPD and now we'll on the way to recovery I now find I'm not just stronger and better protected against any future narcissists looking for fresh prey , but your wonderful insight and advise has also helped me become MORE confident and capable in most other social situations . I am even able to help and sort out others who are in difficult or emotional predicaments . You have NO idea just how much of a difference you have made along the way in my own personal recovery journey ❤❤🙏

My ex actually said " I know you better than you know yourself. It's bonkers 💯

Thank you Paula. Great insight indeed into dealing with a narcissist in a relationship. They suck the life force out of you. Chilling that they know you better than you know yourself.

Thanks Paula for another great video!❤ it’s been nearly 7 months since I’ve seen the narcissist and nearly 4 months of no contact. He would n’t stop harassing me etc so I had to block him. The narcissist blocked me recently for a couple of weeks only to then unblock 2 days ago. It’s crazy how they try and get our attention! It’s hard to not do the same and unblock! I really don’t need the drama! 🙄 😅

This is so spot on. He shaped and molded me into what he wanted me to be and convinced me that was me. Im definitely not ready to connect to anyone else. The discard was so traumatic I’m almost two years out and still reeling. It’s crazy to think he’s now possibly two years into his new relationship post me. Not really sure because I’m no contact but still kinda mind blowing

I tried a symbolic ceremony of cutting the cord to the narcissist, but it did not work. I still felt connected. But, in time the connection was broken. And yes, Paula, it took understanding of narcissism and a space to regain and grow myself. 🦋🦋🦋

No Contact is the true self ‘s answer . Love and Peace Ty Paula. great insight.

Selfknowledge and selftrust. Guarden your boundaries. Going inwards and selfpartnering. No contact. Selfcompassion selflove and selfcare and thrive. .

Bravo 🎉 , our Paula ❤ It really is a long road to full recover , with more rhan a few bumps along the way . Even now , two years on I still hear their toxic judgement in my head on nearly wvery decision I make , they really did have that much of a hold over me ! Just an observation from my journey , I noticed after the discard I had become very tunnel visioned and was limiting myself with very repetative patterns of behaviour . I noticed rhat even though they gone I was still functioning in the ways they had trained me , and my life fealt very small . Thats when I started to try to think outside the box , started doing new and different things , and suddenly whole new worlds full of alternative possibilities started opening up to me . I had bought into the idea that their linited reality was the only reality , but this was a lie all along . I realise now they we just teying to control me by instilling the concept into me that only THEY knew best , and only THEY held the truth ! Beacause my self confidence was virtualky zero I seemed blind to the fact that I was living in a very confined and controlled space , when in reality there were many other universes out there just WAITING to be explored ! ❤️❤️🙏

Great take on the hardest part of the recovery. Thank you so much for making a difficult process so understandable.

Great video Paula... I had to do it all whilst in the relationship... that first year of it all even all these years later still effects me and I need a little recap reminder... I needed this thanks xx

I am over 20 years out, but I am still learning about NPD. Just when I think I know just about everything I watch another video and you bring to light some wonderful insight about the marriage I was in. I watch one of your video's almost everyday, they are a god send. You explain things in language we all can relate to. Thank you Paula ❤

Again, I cannot express my depth of gratitude for your teaching, Paula, and for this supportive community. Without it, I would have stayed stuck after the second round of hoovering with a grand love-bombing stage followed by the letdowns of devaluing , distancing and periodic discards. I cannot emphasize enough--knowing the dynamics of these stages and the outlook of the narcissist--enlightened and empowered me to break away. I've gone firmly no-contact and feel like I can breathe for the first time in two years. And also know I cannot go back. Like all of us here, by God's grace I have so much to give and excited that I will now be able to do so, bringing and sharing joy in the future.

Thankful that I found your videos via FB. I'm a You Tube student of Prof Sam Vaknin and Dr Ramino. I also have learned much from HH Tudor. You work is adding beneficial insight that I haven't quite heard before. Thank you. I look forward to soaking up all of your treasures.

Your videos help me so much Paula, thank you. I need to watch them almost every day

You're such a blessing. Thank you so much!! I needed this so badly!💓

The narc's favorite tune for me when we met was 'Someone like you' by Van Morrison - if you read the lyrics it spells it all out. Actually haunting...My favorite tune during that time was 'More than word's (saying I love you)...by Extreme. Really quite telling 🧘

He never knew who I am❤

my narc was so abusive I wondered at one point if someone was paying her to harass me and of course get me hooked as well the viciuos cycle .

love your new screen

so grateful I found your channel! I went through severe narcissistic abuse for over 3 years. just got away from it recently and so much of what you’ve shared rings true in my situation. thank you for putting so much info out there, it’s helping me stay strong and stay away from my abuser 💛

Thank you. This video has given me encouragement to prepare/face what will be the final involvement with the ex-narc. Bracing for a property law suit and the narc is up to their tricks again. That loss of full control means everything to them. I need to not be reactive and gray rock as much as possible. Your videos have educated me so much!

Thank you Paula. That so makes sense to me. So glad I found your videos. He lives in my vacinity and have felt him like a shadow eventhough i dont physically see him him Ive feel not free. Am taking your advice and work on my true self. He DOES NOT KNOW ME

Thank you so much, I questioned everything about myself after my discard, then she came back and a long back and fourth ensued, I finally went no contact last week, followed by a block. They always want the last word even after a definitive conclusion. It’s been a long 8 months of mental hell. She was my music mentor and close friend so the dynamic was very intense, unique and palpable. Thank you for helping me get some closure and clarity

It’s all about authority

This was a great important teaching for me Paula! I’m still struggling but will surely keep focusing on “bursting his (the narc) bubble! Keep these coming! I’m astounded at your glorious wisdom& teachings! THANKYOU,God bless you!🎉🙏

This is a really helpful video, thank you. It may help to know that we may have a deep personal dread and fear about being around those type of relationships, but it is a deep hidden inside us type fear, because our original family could not or would not protect us against the original family bully or bullies, ie narcissists. We may be in denial, but our body and brain's survival modes are not in denial. We may even have a feeling of being high because we are going up against the most dangerous cat in the wild, the saber tooth tiger. It is a kind of near death experience, which can be a kind of addiction. There is a saying that says, if you don't want to get drunk, stay out of the bars. So to stay sober emotionally, we may need to stay out of family interactions and gatherings. Especially If it is a family member, no matter how pleasant, if they have not worked on their problems, then interactions with them, ca like a shoot out at the okay corral, On a subconcious level, the goal is to survive the situation. So we are kidding ourselves to think there is no risk to the freedom, healing, and health we have gained, since the last show down at the okay corral. In my case I didn't know the true depth of the hostility another had towards me, because they had never given me the impression that I was relevant at all, although there had never been any trust or love. Just the illusion of those affinities. In essence they hate us and want to steal and take possession of our identities and position, our personality and essence. We think there can be no fear because we have figured out who they are, so therefore we will remain safe. But ironically as we have sought to heal and grow with some real provable success, they may have grown deeper into their own very entrenched disorder, especially if they are acting all friendly. They can not sustain their persona because it is fake and they are in an anxious state due to all their big plots and schemes. But chances are they are still nurturing all those beefs they have had with every other person they have ever met, but they think it's their divine right to pick on you, and blame you for all life's unfairness'. Bullies lack courage, and so pick on isolated seemingly abandoned people. When they come back into your proximity, you may not recognize them because they have white washed their personality in an attempt to win you over. But if you've worked on your own personal issues, you know enough to let them play out their odd game and wait for them to overplay their strategy and so reveal their true unhealed nature. My point is even after successfully avoided their snares, and having seen through their newer fake version, it may still be a shocking experience like getting stung by a stingray. You may feel like you just met with evil and survived. It can even feel like the worste evil you have ever seen in them ever. And in our shock we may be amazed how right our truth has been about them.A big reason we have profound dread that can feel like confidence is because we may still be thinking no one helped us survive this kind of person in the past, and there is no one who is going to help us now. That's when we should double our efforts at self care and interacting with communities in fellowship of like kind. We are worthy of receiving the love and care of others who definitely know the depths of our challenge to get and stay well, no matter who we are with, what is going on, or where we are. Our healthy community goes with us.

such great explaination and therapy

You are awesome sister. You are a spirtual giant. Thank God for you.🌷

Thanks this really helps Paula x

Outstanding ! Portsmouth, NH. USA💪🙏

Thank you Paula . I Completely understand . Your one of my favorite advisors.❤

You are amazing! Thanks for all you do.

and thank Paula , you are so helpful but I am still fresh in the sad phase of all this . but I will get theough with your help ! thank you

Thanks Paula!!

This video is brilliant. Xxx

You are the best Paula 👌🏻❤

my narc shock me so hard where I focus on the narc to prove myself all the while she was on a dating site planning a long term real relationship with someone who was not trash as she said I was and next breath I was heaven sent and showed her that she like women now and not men . but if the narcs mouth is moving it is lieing .

I think you are wonderful and explain so much to us. May I also add these types of narsistic men from what I have been learning are non sexual except if they want something. It does make a woman feel in every way unattractive which Im not. Even any flirtation makes you feel like your taking the lead and why do you have a need to do such nonsense? Men snd women should just naturally be interested in the opposite sex. I began to feel like a non sexual robot. Thats what they want. I forgot what it was like to be a besutiful woman. I have been blessed to find that part of myself again that was missing and there is no crazy narsistic weirdness involved with my new man. He's just normal. Im never going to be a babysitter again for any narsistic guy that thinks sex is dirty. I made sure my new man can't keep his hands off me and Im going to keep him!! ❤

Thank you 🥹🥹

Hello, i managed to not pick up phone to my npd sister for 6 months, now she is ringing me and i find myself telling her everything, to which she offers solutions, but i feel like i am trying to sound like my life is good enuf for her, it feels like it did b4, beginning to, i don't want to talk to her at all because i end up feeling depressed, i wish i hadn't started this again, she will begin to put me down, its already started in a nuanced way, real friends usually back you up by relating to you, this is just getting information, i think i will not answer phone or otherwise go grey rock, she is not ,y friend or sister, i don't like her, 😞! I wish i had someone to talk to about this, you have said Narc con to get them out of your life, if i make myself scarce, it will annoy her!😅 I just feel depressed when i think about either of them, my sisters! They are there to try to destroy me! Not my friend

Need some guidance. My ex filed for divorced and diacarded me in December. I sent him photos of his son( which is 2) He never replied. I REACHED OUT AND ASKED HIM IF HE IS EVER GOING TO ASKED HOW HIS SON IS DOING. He then did once or twice. Asked him to come and se him. Then after a few weeks he asked me if he can phone him. I said he was asleep and that he is only going to upset him. Now he does not.want to pay maintenance because he says I am refusing him access to his son. During the discard he took his 2 foster children( from a previous relationship) over christmas to go and do a job. But he was only going to meet up with his new girlfriend. I SUPPORTED THEM FINANCIALLY FOR 4 YEARS. IN THE DIFORCE IT STATES THAT I REFUSED TO ACCEPT HIS CHILDREN. SHOULD I SUE HIM FOR MAINTENANCE OR JUST LEAVE IT. HE TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME. HIS FAMILY SAYS IT IS BETTER FOR ME TO RAISE MYBSON ON MY OWN. WHAT SHOULD I DO.

All true. In quick sand

Thanks!

He thinks he knows me. X ive had enough now. Move on.

Please talk about narcissistic wife

Reality sucks😢

U can commit to them but it's not a long term thing they will cheat with your best friend or people introduce to them Stay away don't look back I am 7 months in and it is hard work not to think about them and who they having sex with

🙏🙏

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

a lot of this info applies to romantic relationships with narcs, but what about narc mothers? Any info about that? They don't discard, and it difficult to disentangle from them.

Ha! He has everyone spell-bound. Gifted at public speaking. He could seduce an audience let alone the old me.

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

🙏🌹

Hare Krishna

😂😂😂

Thanks Paula, this really helped me. Many of your videos have, but I am writing this because I am about five months out and want him out of my head. I will focus on my own life and identity, like you said. I appreciate this channel. ❤🙏🦾👍🌞