Understanding Trauma - Part 20 - Signs of Healing 

Signs of healing: that you are watching a video about signs of healing 😍

My number one sign of healing has been that I'm no longer looking to other people to take care of me.

This is the first time I've heard a therapist describe signs of healing. Very good to hear.

The 2nd best thing to having him as a therapist are these videos ….this man is so gifted and blesses so many troubled hearts.

Who knew we'd grow up and find out one day that we have to grow up all over again ? Thank you so much for your contribution.

April 2024... anyone else finding this man is a blessing to healing?

Thank you, friend. I am almost a year into this new knowledge. At 53, I had lived a life of anxiety and depression. I perceived rejection and internalized inadequacy, in nearly every social situation. My beloved and beleaguered husband held onto me despite my many attempts to push him away. My adult children knew that I was emotionally damaged and they gave me so much grace. But I had no peace. My mind was my enemy. My thoughts were a skipping record. I finally sought help and was given six ketamine treatments. During those treatments, I was able to have multiple breakthroughs that were life changing. The first was that regardless of how strongly I respond to a situation, it isn't necessarily about me. Then I realized that one second is a very long time. See, I had been in a car accident and I watched my dogs fly through the air into the back of the van. I recall processing the thoughts that I been in an accident. All of this before the air bags knocked me out. So I understood that one second is a long time. Therefore, I can take the time to respond to a situation. Then I realized that my fears affected my perception of God, and that I was actually in a good place with Him! Finally, I understood that there is an OPTIMAL me, buried inside, that is anxious to get out, beyond the damage, and to succeed and be healed. So this year, I have healed immensely. I can sleep most of the time now. I don't carry the world on my shoulders. I can be open about my anxiety. My pain has lessened a bit. My relationships with my husband and kids is so enriched and they are seeing my progress. I am able to talk myself out of anxiety attacks. All of my life, I thought that this hypervigilant, intense, rapid fire personality was who I was. But once I recognized that nearly all of it was on the list of symptoms for abandonment trauma, I knew that to continue on is to allow those awful people to steal my life even when they were dead. My inner rebel led me to adopt healthier patterns. I am grateful for this season. It was very difficult, but I am thinking clearer and cleaning house of the debris of thee past. So thank you for providing enlightening videos for those of us who are paralyzed in a time and place where horror entered our lives, and out us in a cage. I am sleeping better. I am honest about my anxiety with people. I am kinder to myself, knowing that I haven't always been. I've stopped fawning (normal people recoil). I am setting boundaries. I am not enduring emotionally abusive relationships because of blood relation. I am addressing my procrastination. I am becoming safe to talk to for those who I hurt, specifically my husband and kids. I am no longer taking everything personally. I've lost a lot of weight effortlessly. Today, I registered for school to learn a new skill. Life is good. It's never too late. Take care.

Disassociation is equally as much due to overwhelm and not knowing what to do because anxiety blocks access to problem-solving executive function.

My sign of healing is my immune is much better...my stress was so huge I stayed seriously ill constantly

TL;DR Signs of healing include a person's ability to feel and tolerate emotions, develop healthy relationships, and live a routine based on meeting their needs. For survivors of complex trauma, healing indicators may include the reduction of shame, the ability to set and enforce boundaries, and the emergence of authenticity, self-care, and boundary setting. The healing process involves developing self-awareness, recognizing false beliefs, and dealing with setbacks as progress is not always linear.

And I want to add another one, I hear myself start laughing again! That’s a really important sign of healing. Also, having more fun or even just once in awhile smile again❤

i was in a fight or flight with my fiancee and My Dad. I was sitting with the disrespectful individuals and finally i could not be a part and broke up my relationship with both of them. I had to take my power and love my self and not tolerate disrespect from either one!

I experienced sexual abuse as a child and I never felt aroused by it. I felt terrified and frozen in fear to the point where I blocked out the person's face. At 49, I finally received healing from that terrible, frightening time in my life.

❤❤🎉🎉🎉 The first sign of healing is understanding what you're going through,and not to allow it to control you And then you begin to find a way to face it in order to break that circle !!!! Because I realised that many people are going through it unknowingly even when you try to talk about it they rebuke you ! Thank you sir for helping us through this journey!!!!!

Signs of healing, for me: - becoming more assertive, saying 'no' because I feel like it, without justifying it, however much I feel like explaining myself. - less 'solving the conversation' in my head as a result of the above. When your response is balanced and correct (for YOU, and however 'unreasonable' someone else might alledgedly find it), you'll not find yourself going over stuff nearly as much as when you either give in too easily or resist too much. - better able to recognize feelings, especially the 'forbidden' ones, such as anger. - putting anger (or love, for that matter) where it belongs, so as to not take it home and project it onto the world around me (getting angry at traffic, the news, whatever) - experiencing color with a sense of awe instead of the desaturated mass even the most colorful landscape can become when my head's off. - a natural impulse to order the world around me, such as cleaning the house and thinking about how to make it my own, instead of just a husk I have to live in with stuff I happen to own. - receiving positive vibes from others. Yeah, I very much see myself reflected in others. When I'm doing well, suddenly the world is smiling at me. - got more, but..

I took a year off to focus on myself and I feel, after 14 months, I’m almost there. Listening to this video, I know I am. I’m starting to hope, and now am feeling capable. My husband has been very supportive, seeing my growth he is now in therapy as well. It gets rough with both of us in a session together, and yes it gets better then gets bad, then better. I see his growth and I’m so proud of him. It’s TOUGH. It’s WORK. Listening to this helps me pinpoint where my husband is (pretty far back), and I am there for him. It will take time, but I’m so excited for our future.

6:04 "They're not as triggered to light or to noise" YES! OMG YES! My whole life, my dad was a raging monster over every little noise and I had many of the same traits. As I went through therapy in my 30s, I noticed that these things irritated me less and less. Wild!

I found Deep Tissue massages during trauma work with increased walking (Feldenkrais) helped my body stop holding it all in: pain 24/7 went to way less overall.

This gentleman has been a psychological drink of water for my parched dessert of neglect. I've listened to countless wonderful videos on healing. This work hits in a way I have never experienced ❤I've been bingeing these videos thank you so much

wow I am growing now to get rid of the controlling bullies

People need to be listened TO.

I feel like i just found a treasure, Thank you.

Phew! I was JUST WONDERING why I am so exhausted lately. Well, now I recognize how HARD it is to change 😮 So hard, in fact, that my entire self is struggling with being stretched, stressed and pressed. Thanks be to God who leads us in good--but usually difficult --ways🙌

So happy to have listened to this, Tim. I see now that I have come a very long way. I’d like to add that, in my opinion and experience, inner peace is earned through the process of healing. I protect my peace like it’s an innocent child. I don’t allow anything or anyone in who could compromise it.

It is so important that people understand the self inflicted and displaced shame that comes along with sexual abuse. Even though the body may have responded pleasurably to the experience, does not equate with complicity and the understanding between right and wrong. This has brought much confusion and misconception around the victims experience. The shame is born out of a misunderstanding and taking responsibility. This creates trauma in the body, not necessarily the sexual abuse. It is not until we get older that through the lens of society begin to perhaps perceive our role in it as complicit. If I liked it I must’ve wanted it. That is false. We were children and therefore powerless in it. We are not equipped with the knowledge and ability to protect ourselves. That is not our job. Fawning is often how we survive it and the body responds naturally. Thank you again for elucidating on that. Often times therapists leave out that critical piece to the puzzle and it is that knowledge that can mean the difference between someone healing from that shame or not. 🙏❤️

Without the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT in the first place, nothing can be corrected. You have to admit that the family is Toxic. When family members are reacting normally to abnormal situations within the family, they are often blamed for "not growing up fast enough" they are told to STOP CRYING!! MY GOD, when the whole family is affected by ONE member's BEHAVIOR, to the point where no one can hide their depression anymore..its BEEN time to seek professional help..dont ever be afraid as a family to ask for help. If that particular Family Member has no interest in growing as a Human Being, then that's THEIR problem. But one thing youve got to remember. Abuse is taught in the home. Tolerating abuse as a young Lady growing in an Abusive household, opened the door for me to tolerate Men putting their hands on me in front of my Son. See how this affects the younger generations so soon? They're always watching. The Children are watching, listening and learning..

I want to give this man his flowers today...Mr. Tim Fletcher I appreciate u sir 🙏🏽...I thank God for your free therapy giving me what I already know but it makes clearer sense when u say it out loud and break it down...thank u sir...God bless u and yours....u are helping to save me (from my abuse long term spouse of 18 yearsI been trying to get out the last 5 and I been done! I will not marry him period)...and I just found u today because your anger/abuse series popped up on my feed out of nowhere and im thankful flowers 💐 ⚘️🌹🌺🌻

I'm wiping my eyes.. tears of hope embraced me.. Thank you Tim!

Your voice immediately makes me feel safe in my body. I don’t know why I just felt that I know that sounds weird but I grew up with a very narcissistic father. Blessings to you, you have such a beautiful presence.

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

This is so affirming ❤ I am at the setting boundaries/breaking codependency stage and it is difficult but I can feel the sparks. I clicked this video to remind myself of all the work I’ve done thus far - which you describe perfectly and encourage myself for the work left to do. Thank you ❤

Thanks for this. I was doing so well until the last month or so and was looking for how to grow a bit more. Wanting to "escape and crappy people, crappy circumstances" really helped. Figured I just need to focus on self care and my choices. Thanks. Very helpful.

Holy Smokes. You’re describing me totally. Thank goodness I’m relating to this video. Greatful. Thank you! ❤️

I’m so glad I randomly came across this , because I feel like I’m getting acknowledgment, and the physical things like sensitivity to light and clenching all my facial and neck muscles to trying to tell others family members what was happening and being shut down because they think you making it up

thank you so much for your video. as a 23 year old woman suffering from CPTSD it helped me a lot. i've got hope for myself :)

Thank you immensely Tim. I needed to have a realistic “map” through which I could discern my path towards (and status of) my full recovery. I endured extreme abuse from multiple abusers, so it took me my entire life to heal. Over the last 8 years, I was finally able to express my anger, rage, and pain that I had dissociated from throughout my life due to my survival, because it was so profoundly deep and overwhelming for me to address. I finally can say I survived, and I am truly healing. I will probably listen to this video again and again for my own encouragement.

Omg I just came across this. I know I’ve overcome 53 yrs of CPTSD and PTSD! It’s been a spiritual journey too. I’m writing a book and developing a podcast on my crazy first life and the magical few years I’ve had becoming my true self. Everyone left me, but hey, they didn’t help in the first place. Thanks for talking about the healing. It is possible, my nervous system is still off, but my brain is holding healthy new beliefs. ❤and I’m experiencing a better self than “normal “ people.

Listening to this is very comforting and healing. My husband died 2 years ago and my grown son abandoned me and deserted me the day my husband died. I was in shock and disbelief. In the months ahead i fell apart. I gave up. I didnt want to live anymore. I got help on my own and was diagnosed with severe PTSD. I had deep depression and non stop grief and crying 24/7. I had to.let people go that didnt have my best interest at heart. Im stronger and more wiser now Im so grateful. Ive learned my major triggers. With gods grace and mercy i survived what i thought would kill me. Thank you for your video's. You really get it. God bless you ❤ .

I've been on this journey for so many years, and while I'm sure many of us would agree that progress is variable and occurs in phases.. I can honestly say I finally feel like I am starting to build a real sense of self and the beginnings of well-being. This video came to me at exactly the right time. If you're struggling, keep going. It's worth it and there is a future for you to enjoy. You deserve it.

He is so articulate,he is changing my life

Thank you so much for this, particularly for giving examples for people with trauma from CSA. I've got PTSD and C-PTSD, and I felt myself getting better and started 2024 with great energy and hope. Then several of my deepest traumata were triggered by an health service official, and since then (3 weeks ago) I have been experiencing flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, tension and pain and huge emotional dysregulation. I've been blaming myself more or less non-stop for it. This video really helped me focus on the things that I have already achieved on my way to healing and accept that this is just a temporary setback that doesn't invalidate where I was before. So... thanks 🙏

❤ thank you for suggesting signs of healing occurring because we already know what the trauma looks and feels like

I cannot afford therapy and your series has been remarkable. I have complex PTSD from sexual child abuse and religious abuse. My wonderful church and pastor has also helped me along my journey. Thank you!

Thank you for this episode. I grew up in a dysfunctional house. And have been working in therapy and self development for over 20 years. My dad recently passed and all the emotional flooding rushed back having to deal with family members. I was devastated because prior I had done so much healing. So much healing to the point I was able to care for my father (the one who caused all my trauma) he was an alcoholic. But once he passed the intensity was real. I thought I regressed. But after listening to your episode I realize I’m still on my path of healing. I have come a long way. And of course, this life circumstance would bring up things. Thank you Tim! ❤

Important to know for everyone healing from trauma: As things improve, and cortisol goes down, you may experience a worsening of certain stress related symptoms, such as changes in immune response, fatigue, muscle weekness. In other words: things we often associate with increased stress. It's easy to misread these signals and to be alarmed by them, possibly slowing or stopping the process of healing as a result. it's not so easy to make the correct distinction. The sensations I have today are not that much different than the beginnings of the panic attacks I had a couple of years ago, so they often get me to worry all over again. But my situation today is objectively (and subjectively!!) better than it was back then.

Especially when gaslighting is involved

Thank you ❤ I see the healing within myself more now. I will cry and just let it happen. compassion + curiosity is key when you go backwards. I'm still not sleeping and sleep hygiene is a challenge. breathing, winding down, and relaxing and the structure in the evening is key..

You know he's good by his shirt😉. He doesnt have to 'dress to impress' and to "look" a certain way. He can just wear whatever he wants, because he knows what he's talking about. And he lets his words talk for themselves.

This is THE MOST HELPFUL of all the videos cuz it shows what to focus on doing opposed to the burden to overcome.

This video is actually a miracle of work !

I wish I had found this video a year ago🙏 I'm doing better than I thought

Also one no longer remains a “bug in the rug” so to speak but now you are able to notice your reactions and behaviours from a drone perspective rather than a bug and noticing and being aware of my reactions and behaviour, I now can control my reactions and discern a more effective way to respond to the same trigger 🙏

Thank you Tim for helping me to fill in missing peices from my childhood. E.g When I was neglected emotionally by my mom because she was too busy or had a hard time coping with life. The other was when my Dad accidentally washed my tender genitals too roughly when I cried, he made me so wrong for crying he wanted to give me a REAL reason to cry. I realized this was another form of sexual and emotional abuse I minimized. Tim. Thank you for saying I believed I was weak. I wasn’t weak. I had a natural response to physical pain. I also appreciated hearing how far I’ve come in my recovery instead of always looking at how much further I have to go.

It’s inconceivable how well you laid out these concepts. This is a great resource for someone who isn’t sure how therapy could benefit them or when they’re receiving it but not feeling like they’re making progress. I have often felt a vague hope that things will get better for me without being able to describe how. Now I can say confidently and honestly say that they are. Thank you.

Cried tears of joy at one point I’ve realized how much I do love myself and I was taught to hate myself I was taught to not dream I am learning to forgive my mother and let go of the past

Just watched the video and I am really amazed! I am currently attending LIFT, and I can already recognize a lot of improvements! Thank you Tim for once again showing sooo clear the facts, the analysis, the tools, the ways and so much more! Thank you a lot ! PS. a thought just came to my mind... Tim the Teacher - that is what I will always call you in my heart , and not only! WAW...

This is excellent and something I have not seen in over a decade of therapy/counseling/coaching. Bravo, Tim and thanks.

I can’t wait to watch your other videos because I have just realised that it is normal to be so severely burnt out so my focus is to work on learning to stop and learn how to relax. I don’t remember the last time I have actually relaxed. I have just subscribed to your channel and I want to share my gratitude. I have such a long way to go however the hope I have begun to feel deep inside is why (and I am sure others can relate) I have kept going. I am also sending everyone who is healing from CPTSD, Complex Trauma, Childhood and adulthood trauma healing energy and support ❤❤❤❤

Thank you for this video, Pr. Tim. I had a hard day and was down on myself for still having feelings from painful stuff that was decades old and had processed already, multiple times. After watching your video, I felt much better about my healing journey. Instead of blowing up into a big flashback and uncontrollable rage, I was able to sit with the feelings and recall events to release the pain. This stuff works. My health is improving. My dysregulation is decreasing. My anxiety is less. My emptiness is less. My wrestlessness is less. My thinking is clearer. My joy is greater. Thank you for all your hard work in helping others. 😊😊😊 ❤❤❤

Thank you so much for this video! I have been working on myself so much, but not seeing progress in myself. But after watching your video, I realize I have made huge leaps and bounds! The example of avoiding family gatherings to avoid causing myself the negativity...just did that for Easter w my extended family. I wondered if I had made the right decision, and now I know I did. I so appreciate your videos....as many on here can relate to...I simply can not afford therapy, but educating myself. These videos are life changing. God bless you and to all of us working through complex trauma....we are so strong and resilient. I pray each of us finds our inner strength and healing we soooo deserve🙏❤

New people that I meet think that I am way out there. I can see the improvements in myself. That helps me when I remember this. My temper tantrums are much less And the anger only lasts a very short time compared to where I was not that long ago 😊 Thank You for reminding me of this 😊❤😊

I am actually healing! We have to do so much of the work without even having hope that it will get better, just that we don't know what else to do. It's so hard. Thank you so much for this Tim, really useful and encouraging.

I just saw the whole video. what a wonderful way to explain things. many of the points mentionned resonated with me. Thank you for making the effort to resume it in one video.i hope everyone heals and live a better life. we are all here for a reason

What a clear description of the path away from living beyond trauma. I myself have slowly trudging through these stages of trauma on top of trauma the last several years as well as childhood traumas. This road map thru these stages allows me to see my progress as well as seeing what tools have helped me. The beginnings of hope are now showing up and genuine self respect for my ability to overcome truly horrifying events. Now coming out of some of this enough, to design a new life with the strength I didn't realize I have. The fear of future events is mostly gone. I am no longer a victim of circumstances, because I know how to effect necessary changes in myself. Great comfort in your words. THANK YOU 😊

This video made my day ❤ thanks for the validation that I am healing. It's often tough to measure how far you've come in your healing journey so this helps me understand how far I've come and where im at ❤

I find it fascinating that virtually all my trauma is related, either directly or tangentially, related to the decisions of our government and military leadership.. Army brat and spent my life in the Army under multiple political party's... all the same in one way or another.

This is so amazing. And what’s even more amazing is checking off all the signs of healing, one by one.… never thought I’d get this far. 🙏🏼

Thank you for making this incredibly informative video. I’ve been working on my complex trauma in therapy for 2 years and I’ve been “regressing” recently. So it’s so helpful to be able to be reminded that I am slowly but surely making progress because I can see myself in some of the recovery signs mentioned :)

Did 6 months in rehab and therapy, found Jesus, got a new job, then an even better job. Making real progress. I admitted I did things that put my life I. Chaos in the past and I have made many mistakes, I admit that. The moment I was on an upward trajectory I cut off all of my old friends, that was easy. But I didn’t think my mother and brother would do everything in their power to tear down all the work God had done and it worked. I began taking responsibility for my actions and took accountability for everything. Even things that were clearly not my fault. Granted, I stopped going to meetings and therapy and I let my anger get the best of me when my family began trying to tear down the healing journey and did a full 180. I’m exhausted. And now everyone just says things like “I knew you never changed” and “everything is your fault” I am genuinely broken from all of this, this time.

I have been so blessed by your methods, videos, and overall calm, patient, and encouraging demeanor. Thank you so much 🙏🏼💗✝️ May God bless you greatly and continue his anointing upon your healing ministry and your life. ✝️🙏🏼💗

I have gotten more from your videos than i have anywhere else before. Thank you so much for your content. I really like the series. Very helpful!

I just found you. I can't thank you enough.

Can’t express how grateful I am for you making these videos 🙏🏼

This is the most comprehensive channel I've found so far!

Your videos have popped up on my feed for so long now but I’m ready to start listening to your videos because I know I need to hear it. This video is a wonderful start and thank you Tim ❤️

Hi Tim, I am glad to see you back! I enjoyed watching your videos & learning from them years ago & I continue to journey to health & wholeness. Thank you for who you are & how you help others be guided along the road w/ such encouragement!

Thank you so much. The hope I feel is a blessing I never thought I would truly feel. I am, finally, healing. ❤

Tim-Thank you for being You and everything you do. The material you put out is very important. You helped me understand and connect some dots this morning. This part of the journey needs just as much light shed on it. God bless you. I hope you have a great day!💜

This has been incredibly useful and has given me hope. I can see I am very slowly healing. Thank you so much for giving your time and compassion.

Thank-you Tim. This was very helpful.

Sir thank you. From all of us who you are helping we appreciate you deeply

Love at first play!!! Thanks so much, Tim. You are wonderful, your knowledge is amazingly beautiful.

I am so super grateful for your generosity Mr Fletcher! Your work is such a blessing for us CPTSD survivors. Thank you !

Thank you so much for this beautiful video. You helped me to see my growth in many areas of my life. You are truly such a blessing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us all.

I needed this. I’ve been working but your statement about the journey not being linear was what I needed. You make progress but you have a bad week and you question that growth. This is a great way to track my progress, thank you!

Thank you so much for this because I felt so hopeless that I would ever heal. I am seeing so much growth with the points you have discussed.

I literally have been looking for a video with this exact content in the last couple of days! Thank you 😊

Thank you so much for making this information available for everybody. You’re incredibly gifted in how you deliver both the hard truth and hope at the same time in such a clear and precise way. I am sure you help a lot of people with that. Thank you for existing!

Thank you so much for all your beautiful confirmations to my recovery and healing! I got really proud of myself while listening to this. Tears are streaming down my face in this moment... Tears of immense gratitude to myself and my dedication to heal. I did it! I really did it! I am still working on my boundaries but I am so blessed that I now can be with feelings of guild without acting on them. I am still detecting and transforming old lies into new truths about myself and life without getting lost in fantasy, but after listening to this I KNOW in all of my being that my life truly IS changed forever! Thank you for giving me that confirmation!

He explains with so much detail and great examples that it’s a pleasure to learn!

Thank you, Tim! I don't know how you're doing it, but you are speaking to my heart, not just mind.

Thank you so much for this video! It's helped me see the change that I'd been sensing more clearly and given me much more hope for the future. Btw, I really like your videos. They are very helpful and the way you speak about these issues gives off a lot of acceptance and compassion. I particularly like your openess to people who aren't religious, even though you are. You're not trying to force your beliefs on others; you're being respectful and this is such a nice gesture.

This is amazing 🥰 Watching your video gave me the opportunity to acknowledge the ways that I’ve healed and to thank myself :) Thank you for sharing, Tim!

Thank you, listening to you helps me put so many pieces together and realize a lot of things that I didn't understand.

Hey Tim...This Kind Of Healing Is No Joke.

Your ability to break this information down into feeling it and processing it is beyond words! The simplicity and accuracy you use teaching these steps in healing is miraculous precise. I have received so much from listening, thanks. Such great healing content❤

Finally a real deal and finally a positive thing and talking about signs of healing of trauma.

❤your content has given me confirmation how far I have come and where I am headed to continue to stay on this healing journey❤ thank you!!!🥰

It's good that you put a positive spin on the topic, thanks for posting.

Excellent video! I do see the healing changes in my life from my complex trauma and traumatic marriage. It's so exciting I feel like I'm becoming a new person the person that God created me to be. Thank you for your video.