60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 15/33 - Negative and Critical 

Dude did an hour video on each of 60 aspects of Complex Trauma 😳 and people wonder why its so hard to heal... 💀💀💀

My parents were both so angry. I feel so sorry for the sensitive, sweet natured child I was born. I became withdrawn and sarcastic and nihilistic like my father. It was almost constant negativity. I feel like I'm starting from zero to change my way if thinking. 😢

CPTSD is devastating. It’s not narcissism but it looks like narcissism, it’s dying inside all the time. Throw in some judgmental religion, physical abuse, and being bullied in school you have entered hell, for life. It destroys relationships, and in the end you realize you’re perpetually alone with nothing but your feelings of abandonment. My life in a nutshell.

I agree it feels weird at first, transitioning to a healthier mindset. One therapist I truly admire always says- if being healthy means being corny, then be corny

I grew up in a home where my mother was critical about everyone. Listening to the negativity on a daily basis definitely put a dark view on everyone who crossed my path. Thank you for this. I now have a better understanding of this mindset.

The SOB in my head rips on me, every thing I do, any mistake I make: 24 hours a day. Literally. Been attacking me for decades. I also catastrophise about what's to come like a pro.

We can readily trace 5 generations of trauma in my family... no doubt there are many more. Hugely sad. My psychologist once told me I had "unrelenting high standards"... though in me it's mostly of myself, not of others. But man is it hard, at 60, to still be dealing with this stuff... for my brain to **still** not feel safe, even in the loving household that I've created...😢

38:00 How Do We Heal, change? 1. Start With Mindfulness "chatch tourself becoming negative/critical." Stop yourself and choose to see the possitive. A. ID the patterns B. Choose to stop yourself "is dangerous not to” C. Commit to focus on my issues D. Work towards seeing others Accurately. Have somebody that you trust to help you learn to have a healthy assessment of people.

This guy is really speaking to the hurt that so many people suffer from.

It gets better when you accept this truth: no one gets what they "deserve"

At 60 ish I’m still trying to get away from this from my childhood

My father was angry almost all the time and found fault with everyone, almost never himself. He was extremely critical of us. Total narcissist. I try not to be like him but some of it rubbed off on me. Thanks for this video. It makes a lot of sense.

I walked away from family- after parents are gone. Holidays alone for several years. Reunited with one sibling and her family. I prayed and prayed for this...Thank you God.

Why do I hate myself so much? I don't tell anyone, but I hate myself for all my bad choices.

Amazing how you Analyze with such compassion

You described my childhood. All of this so heartbreaking.

It's sad how sick we are as a society. I'm glad this content exists to hopefully heal us all.

This man exposed my whole family 💀 I now understand their behavior

I always look at every situation from a standpoint of, I'm going to be taken advantage of, they're out to get me, I'm being screwed..... etc.

Today on Mother's Day, I recall my Mom being so pleased of the change in me. The changes you talked about cut off the path of hell.

That also comes from being an Empath and not knowing it from childhood. We pick up energy off others and often times it feels very directed at you. Therefore you always feel blamed for everyone else's unregulated emotions. This also contributes to CPTSD....this is why many are triggered to so many things they are triggered by a "feeling" they think others caused them.

Wow! You speak to my heart. To the heart of the abused child as well as confused adult. Glad I stumbled upon you. Have made a note. Tim Fletcher. ❤ and a Christian too! This is just wonderful. Exactly what my spirit needs.. Resonating beautifully

You don't know how much you are helping many current and future sufferers and not only them but also their friends and families

I remember as a 3 year old being chastised by my mom for wetting my bed. Even then, as a child, I was surprised to be punished for something I couldn't control. I currently have every symptom mentioned here. Worst thing is my brain defaults to this thinking. Thou Im working very hard to change

Boy, does this ever ring true. It's so subliminal. Unbelievable how accurate he is.

I pray that you continue to make these videos. I have watched several of your videos and they have helped me so much. Your are exactly right on everything!!! I absolutely love the Christian piece.

Where were these video's 40 years ago? I'm the poster boy for these video's. I've been lucky that I've been able to heal and now I have a great life. People are so lucky they can get this kind of help easier to help their lives.

One of the BEST narrators bar none! ❤📖❤ Thank you!😊

Im not sure how this ended up on my for you stuff but CBT helps. I figured this out years ago. I now complain for a day or two then I find a reason to laugh at the crap that happens or goes wrong. Don't dwell on BS and laugh at it. Life gets better when you learn to laugh at crap you can't control. Also avoid all undue drama.

I thought I was negative and critical, but then I found out I was right and now I wish I was wrong.

That looks so much like my mother and me. I always look at my failures and I am incapable of seeing positive things in what I do or did. I can not relate to something like success or right things I did. I can only see the bad stuff and I always tried to become better until I got to exhausted with this.

My mom was always looking for danger she always thought people were potential creeps etc. having radar is good but assuming everyone is probably not right was confusing for a kid

Oh my goodness! This is profoundly relatable. Being that I'm in the early stages of therapy for complex trauma, this found me at the perfect time. I'm 44 this year and battled with myself all these years after being a victim of SA in my teens. As well as difficulties in my relationship with my parents I've struggled so much. Hearing this hits so much.

I want to state categorically that I strongly disagree with the association between CPTSD and constant negativity towards others. I see more cases of inner negativity and serious self doubt combined with a collapse in self belief systems.

This is spot on. I can feel the negativity and being critical in me but was raised that feeling that way was morally wrong so for me it feels like a shame sandwich.

Please be kind to yourselves and treat others like human beings too. Because that's what we all are. We are the ones who ultimately choose what we think about ourselves. And remain firm as a rock with those who do not yet know their worth and what they are.

I struggle to see things any other way. Where I come from, being negative was "smart". If you were any other way than negative, you were a fool and a phony. I'm not sure how to break free from this in any authentic manner, but I'm trying.

My daughter told me recently that the damage my mother did has trickled down to her. That makes me very sad. I tried very hard to prevent that, but apparently I didn’t succeed.

I feel you were talking directly to me today...and here I thought I was in a better place with healing, however, I see I'm damaged beyond my capabilities and my tools I need I don't have

Yes, it sure does do a lot of damage to children growing up with a negative and critical parent. That’s why I never feel good enough. Not enough validation and an environment of emotional unsafety will definitely have a detrimental effect on a persons mental health and self esteem when they are raised in this way, i am a prime example.

This explains me and my life. It is brutal and difficult to have everything thrown at me all at once. But I am glad I found it. I searched for this for 30 years. I got bits and pieces here and there from dozens of books, many therapists, meditation, even hypnosis and Ayahuasca ceremonies. Nothing like this. As loving, spiritual , self conscious and caring as I became in this journey, I am still afraid I passed some of it on to my daughter.

My mother acts like this & she is always acts like the victim and blames everyone else and doesn't take responsibility for what she does. She is always puts me down, and she is always complaining all the time. She is negative.

The fact that he can speak on something about complex truama and take the whole concept and pick it out from the Bible is really astounding.

man. tim. you are just exposing my every shhtty part. i'll persevere.

In this current day, never allow sociopaths and psychopaths to gaslight you into silence or into smiling like a Manchurian candidate, if or when you notice their negative deeds or the actual unsafe nature of your current environment. Maslow's hierarchy of needs requires you to be situationally aware and act accordingly as a foundational requirement before you can build anything else upon it.... Once you are in better safer circumstances, (which may require significant time to get there...blighted zone, abusive caretakers/family, famine, drugs, gangs, war, etc...) then you can take in your newer safer stable surroundings to hopefully de-stress and recharge your batteries...because you can't remain at a 10 on "red alert" forever....lol. 1. Proper balanced situational awareness 2. Seek and attain a truly safe and secure environment. 3. Maintain balance. Noticing danger and red flags isn't you malfunctioning...but staying 24/7 on high alert in a bad situation will drain your batteries. 4.Getting to safety may take time...years and years. Don't let anyone unfamiliar with your level of experienced violence lecture or guilt you into....blind, dangerous, ignorance/learned helplessness...even if they have several degrees, titles or Ferraris in their garages. You can only heal and progress when you are truly in a solid stable safe environment with solid stable safe people. 5. Work to insure your situational awareness sensors are working properly (balanced), then trust yourself. God bless.✌️

Since my early childhood I felt deeply ashamed to play sports, especially Football ⚽ so that the only goal was not to mess it up, do things right and get out of the match asap before a mistake led to humiliation. I was also bullied, I was chubby. I never got to enjoy an activity in a free way, the shame was always the big monster round the corner. My emotional absent mother and my alcoholic father helped a lot. I would return from school every evening to cry my heart out on my bed, a thing my mother never noticed. My failures as a teenager led to my solitary existence till today almost 42 y/o. I'm struggling with loneliness more than ever before. Though I made certain achievements, the feeling is always the same: I'm not good enough. Failed as an English teacher. Failed in the Company. Failed at the shop I inherited. Failed at love miserably.

I found myself becoming reclusive, cyclical, and angry the older I got. And would get so concerned that I need to get committed. I used to be a huggy person, never met a stranger type. I isolate. And so self critical. I have a hard time hugging my own kids.

Great video. I used to lie to my dad constantly and now I know why. He was a pretty scary guy to be judged by. He put me in on therapy for my "lying problem." If only he'd gone to therapy instead... Good grief 😔

I cannot state strongly enough how much this video has helped me. Thank you for this.

I can't belive the process of traumatizing a child who then becomes the negative energy wampire themself can be explained so systematically. Btw I relate to all comments saying it's like Tim speaks directly to them. So thankful youtube recommended me this series. Praise God! Good luck to everyone on their healing journey ❤

Thank you, immensely, for separating the therapy approach to the topic and the Christian approach to the topic. I LOVE your videos, they have brought so much clarity and insight. Which has helped me make some small but significant changes in the way i talk to myself and my daughter.

I once asked a Psychologist in a group therapy session whether there is any coverage of the supernatural in the syllabus they study at college. She said no, and I think thats a fault in our education system. In the road less travelled I find comfort in that Dr M. Scott Peck , considers this as a very bold theme through out his book and how he approached his work. It seems that healing is definitely a medical/physical , Psychological, Emotional and Spiritual endevour and there doesnt seem like you can discount any of these aspects. As a result im more comfortable when I know that the therapist attending to my healing believes in God, coz otherwise we end up going in circles. Its no wonder to me that the 12 stepts work. Look at what is the common theme in all of them? Yes ,you get it.

Tim, you are a blessing. With every "Welcome To Another Friday Night", I learn so much about myself. Things I do, but never understood why. So many years of counseling and you have helped me 10x more, and for free. All your videos are gems.

My job as an inspector is to find fault., point out what’s wrong., be critical., Yikes.., Turn off that mindset when you get home to your family. !

Some people simply need a break. Some people are dumped on with way more problems than others. Many of these bad traits that manifest are variable and temporary. Only a fool says., “Everyone has problems” Or “Everyone is busy” This ignores the wildly disparate troubles which befall people.

About a minute into this i realized this guy is talking about me. my whole family for that matter.

You described and explained three generations back in me life and my last 30 years of life, appreciate your honest and clear explanation, I see now 🌻

Here we have a light sword held to excise the incredible garbage of human confusion cruelty ugliness insanity etc…just beautiful, a very rare and powerful gift. This is goodness

@16:21 u hit the nail right on its head! By being a pastor i think u must relate to this as well... i spent yearsss trying to please my freaking priest. He was overly critical of everything, to the smallest details.. i felt soo tensed around him like i was so scared of him.. what he said affected almost EVERY part of my life.. until i stopped giving him that power and realized man got his own issues :/ i pray for him tho but like fr he was too much!!😩😩

Tim really connects the dots...through with an understandable delivery. Thank you.

Don't listen to the haters. Ur videos really helped me.

Tim is a Genius! This is what I've been trying to find.

I do most of what he said. I have a diagnosis of level 1 ASD from 2022, but I think it’s a misdiagnosis. I think I have something else instead. This video is validation as to why I think I have complex trauma. One of my internship supervisors told me that I couldn’t have complex trauma because what I lived through isn’t severe enough and it felt so invalidating and she’s not even a mental health professional. Listening to this video was very validating. Thank you. ✨

There’s so much talk about complex trauma that it has become overwhelmingly complicated to the point where you just lose any interest in it. What bothers me more than anything else, is that they talk about trauma ad nauseam, but I have yet to hear from psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists about the direct means by which a person can free himself or herself from trauma. For the love of God, what are the direct psychotherapeutic means by which a person can liberate trauma? And if a person has trauma, say, from childhood abuse, and another person gets it from a car accident, since they are both trauma, why shouldn’t there be a psychotherapeutic method that addresses trauma regardless of its origins? Apparently, Pastor Fletcher developed a list of 60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma. Really??! OK, and what has he developed in order to free oneself from trauma? Does he know what it means to be a wounded healer? Does he know what legitimate suffering means? I’m almost sure he doesn’t know either one because he’s never experienced it. I’m sick and tired of hearing mental health providers and pastors talk about all manner of suffering yet say nothing about how to heal it. For Christ sake, where are the Carl Jung’s and Freud’s of today? Why is it taking so long to address trauma? What makes us think that we cannot free ourselves from trauma? Mental health providers are stuck with their own retrograde psychological theories that simply don’t work. In fact, it’s making people suffer even more than they already are. Another thing that upsets me is that whenever you see a therapist, the onus is on you for having trauma yet nothing is said about the social-economic and political world we live in that causes trauma. They regard these forces as a difference that makes no difference when in reality it makes all the difference. You cannot develop your emotional, psychological, and spiritual potential if you’re living in a sick society. If the vast majority of people knew just how bad it really is, they would be mad as hell about and create movement so large, it would make the civil rights movement pale by comparison. Needless to say, I’m not hopeful towards the future. if we don’t deal with the dark side of capitalism, politics, religion, families, and find the means to develop our full, creative potential, the future of humanity looks quite grim.

My inner voice is not cruel. It's my materialistic, ego tripping, prideful outer voice that is causing the problem. Let your conscience be your guide!

I've never felt more understood in my life!

My mother outlawed laughter in our house! I think she imagined it was at her. 😢 such a sad prison i grew up in.

Ive never heard anyone descrnd my family so accurately described

I've had a lot of trauma. My dad however is exactly like the negative person explained here. It's like the whole world is ending. The drought in the 80s that never came but we had to shut the water off in between washing etc... Sometimes it was worse than others if I don't placate him he'll throw a tantrum . Always a victim.

Ohhh i am soooooo ready to be HEALED FOREVERMORE

I find I am hyper critical against myself. I only blame myself….a lot.

This has been very helpful to me I only wish I would have known it long ago. Life could've been so much better. However the good news is that I know it now so life from here on can be so full of potential. It's heartwarming to know it's not too late to be what I could have been. I deeply appreciate all your efforts to make these videos ❤

i am so glad i got therapy.. I am able to see the bright side and push back those pessimistic thoughts unless i am truly feeling it. I still have a lot to work on but this video was so validating 😊

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

This is such a blessing.

Brilliant lay-out, a cptsd masterclass

This was so hard to listen to. I feel such a bad person. It’s taken me a lifetime to begin to try and understand what’s going on in my personality.

"It is my fault" means that I'm the origin, which means that I'm in control. Shame is a control mechanism, with the intent to experience security. This needs to be taken into account in any attempt to heal. Losing shame means losing perceived security. It's an identity loss. And if you believe that you are the identity, its loss is an existential threat. You need to handle all these aspects in order to successfully heal shame or trauma. Trauma gives identity, and thus (perceived) security. Removing trauma means removing identity, which means removing (perceived) security. If you are not careful, the attempt to heal trauma can easily become violent. You need to endure identity loss without getting lost yourself. So you need to know that you are not that identity, even if there are still strong inclinations to do so. If the client believes to be those structures, removing these structures is an existential threat. And it's healthy to defend against an existential threat. But this defense means more unhealthy structures. To just pretend that it isn't an existential threat is dissociation, or another breach of integrity boundaries. The client likely will oscillate between several states for a while. A meta level is needed: the awareness that these structures are not all there is. One thing that helps in this is to acknowledge that these structures mean well, but simply don't suffice. Maybe they were the best the child could come up with back then, but now you know better. There needs to be awareness of the meta levels in order to successfully heal trauma.

I am startimg to heal with your lectures Thank you

I’ve listened to so many other vids from you - but this one is the most powerful even for just understanding others

Thank you for the information. I pray for myself, I came from a very toxic family, my mind and emotions are all messed up man, I try to ask Jesus to help and heal me one day at a time. My emotions are damage, my soul feels so damage as well as my mind. Because of my toxic childhood. Please anyone that believe in Jesus Christ pray for me.

Thanks Praying for hope for us all!!

You are so good , I have learned over the years to change my self belief after having a traumatic childhood but every thing you are saying is like a booster to my beliefs because you can so easily slip back. Into the negative subconscious beliefs I have just found you but l will be listening to you a lot from now on Thankyou so much

22:00 If someone disagrees with me, I used to immediately give in to their idea or perspective, like theirs mattered more than mine. I'm aware of this now, so I just let both of our perspectives or ideas sit out there as equals.

I knew change was hard, and people always defaulted to not changing. Tim explains the mechanism.

Man. Negative and critical and super sarcastic. That’s been me Since I was a teen. I watched this and realized what an asshole and downer I am to many people in my life.

Yeah, I have been listening to this for 17 minutes and you said all and only negative attributes of broken people. I was triggered and left. Thanks for you negative comments!!!😢

I had one serious inner critic, fairly sure who it was, and a second inner coach who pushes me to better performance. The second voice is mine.

Wow so much to learn and work on so much knowledge

THIS has been a really good topic for me. It addresses a lot of unanswered questions I have been wrestling with for years. Thank you, Tim👍🙏

Hope is a great antidote.

wow I am so blown away at how clearly Tim explains everything my life makes so much more sense now. thank you :)

thank you for all that you do. May God bless you.

Thank you so much Sir, for these incredibly informative videos. God bless you.

Incredible insight

This is way too accurate. Thank you so much for doing a full hour of this! You truly are helping so many people to heal. Bless you!❤

Thank you for the clarity of your analysis. Thank you for addressing the belief system which prevented me going deeper before my therapy. Thank you for the sense of integration, of wholeness, of oneness. ❤

New to your videos and I am so impressed. Clearly explained and with a positive spin of how to heal. I am not religious and I really appreciate how you are separating out that part so I can choose to stop. Thank you.

On The Point as Usual. BIG THANKS ❤ TIM

I grew up with both of my parents being Narcissists