Understanding Trauma - Part 6 - Adaptations and Soul Murder 

Medical trauma and abuse is incredibly common. It’s a horrible compounding in your situation where you experience multiple betrayal, traumas, and failures to meet even basic health and medical needs. A lot of parents chose to listen to crappy advice back then instead of their body and intuition and heart. And we got a couple generations of really messed up people because of it. Love to you ❤❤

You are not alone. I was also a super- people pleaser!! At 57, I was awoken by the fact that I had married a very abusive husband for 32 years!! I am also trying to figure out who I am. God led me out of this, and He has given me a support system that I have never had. My daughter and I went to church, at her insistence,( she's autistic and schizophrenic). We now have a church family, and we've stopped constantly moving ( Being isolated ) by the narc, and put down roots . I hope you can find a support system , too. Tim has opened my eyes to a very murky childhood that I could never figure out!! I'll be praying that you will find a safe haven and support system, and that we ALL heal, or get on the road to healing, and peace !!

Oh my, you are living parallel to me.. I to am an empathetic people pleaser. No boundaries to say no to others. Goals to please people so can feel sense of value… I too am 52 and this information hits hard…. Sending prayers your way… As you said we can get past this….

Good for you! And yes, we need to recognise that, now as adults, we can handle rejection and loss of attachment/love - it may hurt for a while, but it definitely won't kill us. We can recover and move on (something impossible for us when we were children.)

Same same, I woke up and I'm 44, no relationship, no children and now no job. The social pressure is so painful but I am finally understanding that this is the result of a life full of people pleasing, like you said, expert at regulating others, taking it all on me so everybody around could feel happy, safe and protected. You are not alone, this is our recovery journey ❤

Ditto

I think Pete's Walker book on the subject said the same thing. It's an accurate description.

@@madeofwar8781 which book is that you mentioned? I'd like to check it out.

It angers me that Tim stole the term "Soul Murder" which originally describes the direct consequences of sexual molestation of a child on their very existence. He is talking about "Identity Betrayal". Soul Murder is separate from and gravely, distinctly different from Identity Betrayal.

There were a couple of writers who used the term back in the 90’s. Not new, just lost for a while in the more materialistic view of the current era. I think there was one book with that exact title, though it didn’t blame the kid for the murder… every thinker who looks into the outcome of severe abuse frames it differently, but similarly.

It’s so profound have chills Wow

Sadly so true.

Along with being their own worst enemy. So many generations of unhealed trauma.

That's correct, they only know what they know. Besides, we chose our parents to help with our v life lessons for soul growth. If life it's too easy... no growth.

@@c.d.6371 Certainly something to think about !! 💯

Yes they can betraid you.That is the sadest part to betraid of your own mother

❤❤❤

God is our faithful Father and companion. Trust and lean on Him for healing and wisdom!🙏🏻❤️

Same, it sucks

Praying for all of us “lost child” for complete restoration. It is a journey. We can do this!

Thank you for sharing. I resonate and there's this constant feeling of being violated. Yet enduring the violation. It's very disturbing. I often say I feel I'm wearing this mask of tolerance, but in reality I'm in opposition to what is occuring.(when I say yes) I know it feels wrong yet I'm shut down.

I think a lot of us felt like POWs. Our parents held us hostage.

POW’s Unite? Let’s unlock the chains and bring peace, love and understanding. Does anyone have the key (tears streaming) ?

Me too!! I hope you find peace. It hit me in the gut. I'm glad I listened!! 😊

@@agc1161 Your description gave words to what I have trouble articulating. I feel that if I'm grey rocking that I'm actually supressing anger which is supposed to be unhealthy. But to try and establish boundaries, I have explained everything from every angle to my parents for decades. They either do no hear me, or just do not accept that I have my own tastes or any right for boundaries. Plus they get weirdly excited if we're "debating" my rights, they seem to enjoy the drama it feels quite sickly, so Grey Rock seems the least painful way to deal with them. If it was any other person I would run a mile within a couple of encounters, but can't get myself to do it with my parents, expecially because we have an 8 year old. He doesn't enjoy being with them either, I think he senses their bad mental health, but to go no contact seems so drastic. But I do end up living with this sense like you say @agc1161 of allowing myself to be constantly violated. Love and courage to you 💗

I don't want to be here anymore

Thank you. I can only watch these vids for a few minutes bf the oppressive hopelessness suffocates. Thank you for the hope!!! (Even though I'm 60). I've been running from the emptiness all my life.

@@elizabethhollins5988 I hope you’re able to find peace and joy in your life 🫶🏻 I had a horrific childhood that’s only come to light through my healing journey. If I can heal it’s possible for anyone, at least that’s my hope. Sending you love!

In many ways, yes, I'd call it a disconnect. But there are parts of my soul that literally died. Like they're so dead and buried, I'll never get them back. Partly because I don't even remember exactly how they felt, what they meant to me. But the vast majority is indeed just a disconnect. I know it's still there, because I sometimes still miss it, or grieve it, and want it back. That's how I know it's still alive, even if it's hidden somewhere in the deepest recesses of my mind and heart. But some are truly dead, because I no longer feel it, think it, remember it, or want it. I remember when those parts died, I really do. I just don't remember exactly what that part is or was.

Same. I hope you find healing and peace 🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️. I hope happiness finds you. Everything you've suffered you didn't deserve. 💛

GOD DAMMIT, THIS

that's horrifying and cruel. Im sorry you experienced that. But look at you now huh

So sorry

I'd imagine he didn't love himself, and how he treated you was a reflection of the relationship he had with himself. I'd be willing to bet your beautiful soul and light ✨️ reminded him of everything he wasn't anymore or just believed those things about himself. He probably couldn't even see you through his own shame, much less past his own nose. You're breaking generations of trauma by healing yourself. I love that for you. Hugs.

Sending LOVE

I was told I was going to have a bath. I was 10. They both intended to torture me that day I was naked. He locked me in. He had 6” of freezing cold water. He also had a 6 foot bamboo rod. He beat me violently. Black and deep purple welts. Covered in my own shit. I died that day inside June last year the healing began. I buried him I’m now 56

This is exactly what happened to me. I also did the same and became scary angry to protect the real and vulnerable pain that I should have been able to reveal if there was a tiny chance she actually would have respected me and cared. I'm so sorry!

Me too until last year and finally these things took place without my knowledge at first.

Same thing happened to me...I guess it's the root of my 'anger issues'? The destructive rage has led to some mighty poor choices that I'm fixing now, but at least my spirit is still alive, so I'm not sure if I regret it or not.

same but my "father"

I heard you- when my father died my mom just checked out on alcohol. I was 8. Suffered constantly. Got into the drug scene of the 70s . Thankfully my step dad put me in a juvenile rehab at 16. Saved my life.

And thier parents failed them and thier parents failed them all the way back originally 6000 years ago. It takes a miracle to break the pattern. Pray.

@@phoenixaz8431 I feel more or less the same way

@@nicholassmith7473 Sorry to hear that. Thing is, I'm extremely double-minded, and so this is how I may feel and think on some days, other days, not quite. Life has been tough, almsot a constantly battle in my mind, but I accept the fact that I may be wrong about God. And so, on some days, I do pray to him. Hold on, friend. Focus on what you DO have, the good things etc. When i do that, it lifts my mood. Take care.

​@@lisacurtis8162so it was all good before 6,000 years ago maybe it was hunter gatherer types sound less toxic than civilization

It's been hurting me for my whole life. Just sucks hearing it explained out loud

Yes I’m discovering that I am exactly this, and it is such an odd predicament to have logic, knowledge, personal beliefs and preferences that seem to not get applied somehow. Then I realized the 7 year old overrides and has seniority over all things, but is hidden and you can never even find out about them for your entire life

Yes, I'm 64, high IQ like an adult but my soul is like about age 8. Interesting that age 8 shows up for both of us. 😢

@@rg1whiteywins598Same (Not Same high IQ as you 😊) but Same in thinking a few days ago that 7 or 8 is when my soul started getting “murdered” (I was thinking “stolen” but “murdered” makes a TON of sense 😊)

What a joy to keep learning about more trauma that we have.. it's freaking depressing.

Around 8 years old for me to. My mother used weed as our babysitter.

🙏🏻❤

❤

🫶🏼

Amazing. Glad you survived. I’ve seen some strong souls who fought back and it observably turned the tide in their lives. There aren’t many of you.

@@sandarahcatmom9897 Thank you very much for your thoughts. I know I'm rare. It's hard to get through life as not many people, including therapists, get it like you do. As well as the therapists I mentioned, I have had others laugh in my face. Lately I've found that it has been the kindness of strangers that has helped me most.

I'm guessing one of the things you didn't get was unrelentlessly physically beat? It adds a whole new measure of seriousness to "you better get in line". If you fought back, you had to have been given room to fight back, in others' experiences, this wasn't an option, it led to more pain so you learn not to fight back

Same as me, I always knew it wasn't me or my fault. Ive had psychologists congratulate me..for not suiciding. I'm 66 this year, struggling again now, after a good few years.

My parents did the best that they could. They each had an alcoholic parent, who had alcoholic parent.

Same.

Yea it does hit you hard when it's explained properly tim is very good at that and opens the mind up that you can understand even although it hurts when you can relate to it

The algorithm is trying to really help me, thank you

Same here! 🤗

Yup. Same.

I've consistently had trouble with "getting help". Even when I overcame my internal denial and fear, others wouldn't pick up on just how bad I was doing/hiw serious things were, because I automatically came across as self-reliant, rational, intelligent, "sane," minimising complaints, being "objective".. I really had to break down completely(mental and physical) to finally get into a program of assistance, therapy, coaching, physical rehabilitation. I am already so much better, though still struggling with something as simple as calling a plumber for my clogged drain (after goodness knows how many DIY attempts) 🤦🏼‍♂️

Now you have an opportunity to heal and grow and have the life you deserve! God can make a way! Not one of us ever perfect, I strive for peace and contentment 🙏🏻❤️

Not many poor people are overweight 🤔

@irenemorley75 so basically you're calling me a liar. Thanks. Well I got news for ya, I was overweight and poor, so clearly it does happen. Everything I said is true.

@@irenemorley75 you do know kids being bullied at school for being poor is usually based on a level of poverty like second hand clothing, no brand stuff, not able to afford after school activities, vacations etc.Being poorER than their peers, not literally starving to death poor..? Also unhealthy unbalanced diets (sugar, fat and refined carbs) are cheaper than healthy fresh fruit, veg and protein rich diets, which leads to more obesity in lower income households.

This explains my promiscuous behavior in my teens and twenties

I collected trophies instead of having meaningful relationships

This is the crux of sex and love addiction. Slaa saved me from breaking free of that- strongly recommend

💔

@MichelleontheMoon My “one good day” has only nature in it. My mother is busy with something. She’s not there to spoil my imagination and my simply enjoyment. Excellent day. I’ll keep imagining this glorious day.

Like the Peter Pan "happy place". That story is really a metaphor for this very struggle being discussed here.

​@@KatWoodland lovely exercise, kat!!! sounds heavenly (:

@@user-lw3ri8us4wThank you for the invitation to imagine. ❤

@moonflower366 *Your* invitation :)

You weren't! You were Betraying Your Identity! Soul murder has already been coined as meaning the direct consequences of sexual molestation of a child on their very existence. If you were murdering yourself it would be called "suicide" not "murder".

​@@randallsmerna384 bud, you don't know what trauma this person went through...

@@kevinbissingerI don't know what He's been through but I know EXACTLY what he talking about! Besides, "Soul Murder" is a term that has ALREADY been coined to mean what I mentioned.

​@@randallsmerna384Have you checked out Dave McGowan's book Programmed To K? People are systematicly programmed to make them more obedient. Soul merder is same, taking you out & installing the abuser's will on you. Judith Herman calls it robotization. Also known as Stockholm Syndrome

I think I can understand what you're saying. You roared because the fear tries to overcome you. And sometimes you just have to roar. It's a taking back your power.

Or.... the structure of the human brain is a lost cause.

It is definitely lonely.

Yeah, it's not worth trying unless you know the person is very compassionate.

I couldn't agree more 💔

I never feel good after "trauma dumping" on people, but it feels like nobody SEES MY PAIN. And I am met with....remember how your trauma doesn't define you.... Or, you have a long journey ahead take it one day at a time.... I get it, not everyone was abused. I get it, therapists are there for talking but I have no money. At times I write it all down but I find myself writing it all over and over again. I can't feel anger, only sadness. I don't think I'm allowing myself to be angry.

Have you heard about being the 'scapegoat'. I had similar experiences.....'take what you're given or have none'. 'Don't just stand there, do something'. ;You think you're so good don't you, you think you're better than me'. These and such other things, constantly being struck over the ear, flogged over and over with a block of wood, heck, even had to watch the cat being hung and strangled by my father....... yeah, it's all a monumental fuck up,, and the thing is, people just don't understand the paralysis inside and the struggle to survive. As an adult, people would comment on my lawn, that it was never mowed, but I had no mower and no money to pay someone. It took 7 months before anyone offered to help me. I heard someone comment and say, 'she must like it like that'. People just don't get it. Been working on changing my inner dialogue for a long time, but I keep myself to myself as I still can't form anything healthy without ruining it in some form or other, simply because I feel so needy. I wish you well and God speed your recovery.

I look at it this way. I've had the opportunity to think about this for a couple of years. Much of this is projected from what lies inside our parent that they can't handle or manage, and who I don't think see.. I ran across an article by chance about the Jezebel spirit and how it attatches to a host and they are not aware of it because of their own trauma. But the good news for people like us who feel that something's wrong, are aware of this possible presence because we feel bad about ourselves, but we really know we're not. We don't believe the behavior. To me, whatever it is, wherever it comes from, doesn't matter if we recognize that their behavior was unacceptable to Us. So that knowing is my answer. Think about it. Maybe they were lost and blind. But we refuse to be. We can try to love them. But nobody said we ever had to Like the way they acted. You don't have to feel anything. Because you know Better than to accept that about yourself. It just doesn't matter.

I am unofficially borderline so I get angry and sometimes crazy but I can't imagine saying cold hearted phrases like that it seems sadistic and so many of our ancestors said it I'm glad people are becoming more self actualized

I screened shotted your post. It is my exact experience growing up as a young child. I thank you for it.

@@bc6352 I'm sorry you experienced that, but the truth is coming out so now all of this similar trauma we experienced can be dealt with and we can begin our healing journeys. God bless you and bring healing to you

Check out Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good" & "The Body Never Lies"

Fr tho. Its so informative and puts everything into a way that i cant articulate but relate to. Wish i could talk to someone like this but the one time i went to a therapist it felt like they didnt really care about me and now i cant afford any therapy.

@@lunablader7913 I consider everybody I meet to be a potential therapist. I get it where I can

In therapy all my life never helped. This guy telling me exactly what and how I am, depressing, just life shattering. How many years do I have left to change an entire life worth of trauma ? Deep trauma. And here I thought I was doing OK.

I feel with both of you ❤

Im 60 and still can't shake off the damage they did, even after 5 yrs therapy. Solo and group. Like gum on my shoe no matter all the new agey positive thinking crap.

Me too.

💙🫂

Me also, everything you said.

Thank you for sharing. My stomach hurts daily, also dry heaving daily, bowels issues (even as I type, I feel a nervousness & flatulence) Often those around me have stated they witness me "zoning out". I believe this is a coping strategy of mine. I really pray we're able to heal & break free!!!

I have class D errosive esophagus and constant Gerd, the runs, (or can't go). My guts are severely f*&^ed-up. My mind as well. As I age alone w no family support, my kids grown (don't care), it hits HARD!!

I have digestive issues too - starting to realize it’s from childhood trauma

Exactly

This is the work of Gabor Maté. Tim doesn't give credit & steals other's work.

@@testtest2609 Well, I've listened to Gabor Mate's interviews and lectures and didn't hone in on this at the time, so if Tim is integrating ideas from different sources, then I'm grateful to him for repeating it here because it provided the essential key to my healing that I was looking for and has greatly improved my life in a profound way.

@@testtest2609this started with John Bradshaw who came before Dick Schwartz of inner family systems. John Bradshaw was wayyy before Gabor mate. Pia melody and Bradshaw were the OGs. Gabor mate while awesome didn’t create parts work or fragmented parts. They are from the 70s

​@@testtest2609 are you seriously claiming NOBODY knew trauma could be caused by punishing authenticity before Gabor Mate said it!?!??!? -- 🤷‍♂️ like bro, the level of stupid is so fuckin' high with you just give up. Nobody is stealing anything.

Me too-now I’m in my 30’s. When I sleep my dreams are full of people and connections, then I wake in the dark alone and sob for an hour 😢

This was me also … I wake up in the night panicked from time to time … I am on a journey of healing my inner child ❤

Same. Didn't do me much good though. Now I'm trying to focus on coping in a healthy way and making sure that I don't lash out at the bullies around me. Adapt and overcome. I hope you find peace 🕊️. And lots of happiness.

Same. Except I knew it was my parents fault

❤ try ACA meetings. You can heal.

Not being able to break the spell. This is exactly how it feels to me

My mother cut ambition off whenever it was suggested

"can't say I'm not disappointed" 😬

She was keeping you in a box that didn't make her feel challenged by a capable, talented child. There's also the "no one did anything for me, why should I do for you?"

That's the overwhelming guilt / shame I have is, what have I done to my kids? 😢

Me neither 😢

Same! I didn't know how to properly parent my kids. I loved them,but I was so wrapped up in trying to numb my own pain that I missed out. I feel like I wasn't the parent I could have been. I had zero teaching on parenting and managing my emotions in a healthy way. It should be part of school starting in grade seven. Same with screening for making sure no kids are being bullied or abused in school or especially at home.

I read every book I could, took college courses and seminars, listen to the life experience of others to learn how to parent. I knew what NOT to do, but not what TO do. Now with the internet there is easier access to a lot of information. Good luck in your travels. ❤

I have the same feelings to my sister. I don't have kids. But I understand that I failed my sister the same as our parents did. I neglected and abused her in my childhood. I couldn't cope with all emotions and responsibilities imposed on me. I understand that I was little too but I can't forgive myself for that and I will never do

Check out Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good" & "The Body Never Lies"

Thank you for this. I've been bullied by my own loved ones! Idk what it is about me that they find so easy to bully. I've tried reacting,I've tried not reacting,I've tried walking away. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like there's not enough love in the world. It hurts and bothers me to no end.

@@annehedonia156 thank you very much. I will. Sending you love and light.

Well done on having sense enough to have gotten out of that!

That's exactly my situation too...

Yes, autistic and disabled here. I surrender to the mercy and love of Jesus Christ.

Abuse and colonialism , as is their "food (prn)" and "med" marketing?

❤hey 👋 please know that you don't have to tolerate being told to "shut up" anymore. Just leave and never let them hurt you again. You matter and your feelings matter, fellow human person ❤ You deserve safe space to heal your emotions and do "complex grief" work

She outsourced her responsibilty for you to others. Misery loves company...

It sounds like your mother was a narcissist. If you look up some videos about this it will shed more light on what you endured.

💖So sorry. My mum quite literally force-feeds people, my brother and I and nephew and niece from childhood, then when we get fat she locks up food behind a lock (literally, I'm not kidding) and says derogatory things. It's just so crazy! The only reason I even started thinking there is something wrong with her approach is when as a kid I went to a friend's house, and my friend's mother said they were on a diet. This diet consisted all of us cooking something delicious together and calmly eating it together, pleased with our good choices and how good it turned out. No shaming whatsoever, my friend's mum turned this "diet" into a beautiful memory for all of us. My own mum never eats with us, not when I was a child and not now everyone is aging. She just stares and keeps piling on more food. My stomach always burns when I have to eat in front of her being stared at.

I'm so sorry you endured that.

My mother left me alone in a strange city at the park. I lost so much trust for her after that.

That’s horrifying!

That's awful 😢! I want to say you seem very resourceful and resilient despite the upbringing you had. That's neat. I hope you find peace and happiness.

Omg, my parents did that to me when I was really little. Except it was a gas station and it got dark after a long time, and there was a forest that creeped right up to the building. I was so so scared. I remember being terrified to go inside the gas station because there was a man working there. And then another man came to change shifts and started talking to the first man, and still I was too scared to go inside, so I just crouched down by the bricks, keeping my eyes on the forest behind me with it's scary sounds, but also keeping an eye on the gas station guy in case he saw me. That was a very long, cold dark night! When it was starting to get daylight, the first guy said well I better get home, and in that very moment I thought what if they both leave now, and then there won't be anyone to help me or let me inside if a dangerous animal came, so I decided to go inside and ask for help. Oh my, the shocked look on their faces! They had no idea I had been just outside all night. They weren't much help because they said they didn't know what to do. And then they said something about they better call the police. Then I just sat there and waited and somehow, my parents got there before the police did. I think. I really can't remember much, as I was probably only 3 or 4 maybe...

me too

Many of these kids become Narcissists. Perpetuating the Soul Murder on others. In a criminal way, too. Liars who "'came to kill, and to steal and destroy". ~ In, Timothy.

"...and have forgotten who I am." A voice in my head upon reading that: "Wow, that sounds nice." 😖 ...I still don't like myself that much...

@@grmpEqweer oh I’m sorry. You are loved. And worth knowing.

Believe me, I am you! It sucks!

Go to the one who came to resurrect our souls and bring life, our life abundant. Seek, knock, ask!

Have you come to an understanding as to why it was abusive people?

❤me too. Thank you for sharing your experience. I believe we can all get help from ACA meetings and the safe equitable relationships that can develop there to help with healing.

How please help. I've been a abused by a narc and I think part of me is lost.

​@@DobermanDanK9coz abusive people do it on purpose to get benefits & free labor. They have turn it into a system and do it to society as a while thru religion, war, gang/crime taught by those on top to the poor), politics, group abuse rituals like orgies, circumcision of boys & girls, etc. Dave McGowan's book Programmed to Kīll

​@@user-iu2hd9qg3sCheck out Dave McGowan's book Programmed To Kìll, IFS, DID alters, ritual abuse, Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good"

Me too! Exactly how my life has unfolded but I CHOSE not to lie or become an abuser myself, break the cycle.

The emotional needs and growth and development is dormant or under developed or never activated or stimulated the entire emotional realm of life itself it's like having one leg that full grew and developed while the other one never grew or developed

I'm starting to wonder why the f we got punished for crying it was like these psycho parents needed a monopoly on our feelings like they needed to control us externally and internally then we can't get rid of the introject and they send us to therapy and tell us we're crazy

@@leahflower9924 I realize it was because they were narcissists -- their selfishness meant that they never want to discomfort themselves to make others happy. Love = when others' happiness makes you happy. This kind of "love" is essential to be a parent, because babies cannot even SMILE before two months age, and they certainly can't thank you or "adore" you at their most vulnerable age. People who cannot "love" (i.e. make sure that someone else is happy, even if it causes some discomfort -- lack of sleep, cleaning poo, cleaning pee, cleaning vomit, spending money if they get sick) are basically abusing their kids. A parent has to be capable of self-less love in order to properly parent. Narcissists by definition cannot love, because they NEVER put anyone else above themselves.

There is forever a sense of loneliness. I was lucky enough to find an emotionally healthy husband and at age 17 I married him, he helped me to get away from my disturbed parents. He is very kind but as he is not traumatized he doesn't really understand how their crazy talk affects me. He says just smile, nod and make a quick escape and ignore them. He can't relate to the pain and that is ok. So there is forever a sense of loneliness even when you find healthy relationships. Love and courage to you💗

I'm sorry for all the pain and hurt you had to go through as a child♥️ I'm glad you found an emotionally healthy husband, that's such a blessing. I personally have felt and even recently still feel the loneliness of how I chose to "murder my soul" as a teenager. I guess I have my faith and experience with God to cling to though. It's by no means perfect, far from it and even though my God promises that he'll never leave me or forsake me I still often feel alone. But the Holy Spirit has been leading me through this healing process slowly but surely, even I feel leading me to this video. I want to encourage you that the Lord desires to draw near to you. Closer than any other. If you'll let him. Blessings on your journey

💯

Please don't place your religious agenda on this. Many of us here have religious trauma.

​@@NeighborhoodOfBlueFrom people, not Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ has never hurt anyone.

@@NeighborhoodOfBlue your so called religious trauma doesn’t change the facts

The Body Keeps The Score is a great book too.

I'm murdering myself as we speak. The abuse I endured never let me heal.

Only if you let it.

@@irenemorley75 I would love to understand what you really mean. Do you mean we all choose whether we have the skills to be "good" human beings or not?

Check out Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good" & "The Body Never Lies"

❤ACA is a helpful meeting for working to grieve the past and thriving here and now.

I just told my dr who told me to find a therapist for the 100th time “trying to find a therapist who understands a mother who hates and is jealous of her daughter is rare and I’m done being called a liar or exaggeration.. I think it’s so rare that female therapists ( I’m a woman I want a female therapist) literally can’t fathom having a mother like this. I’m surprised still about how many therapists literally did not believe me. Usually it’s because they met her and she is very kind and charming. Now that I’m old I don’t know why therapists don’t believe that my mom could say/do … fill in the blank.

Thanks for writing this. Most family, friends, people we know dont, or won't believe it either. The LORD bless you and heal you! Thanks again for sharing your path

Sometimes, one has to heal a LOT in recovery BEFORE opening the Pandora's box of childhood.. ✌️ Be still.

Love it. i felt that way when I fOund Alice Miller. I was finally ready to be blessed by her words, her wonderful therapy, all the truth they contained and the profound healing they brought.

❤❤

Love and courage to you! You are not alone! My pets are my angels too, their needs are so easy to meet and in return we get so much love. Their love is unconditional, this is mind-blowing for those of us that didn't receive unconditional love from parents.💗

Thank you so much. I'm trying to reunite with my younger self that gave up the ghost from horrible trauma. ❤

Sending you peace 🕊️. And healing vibes. Hopefully happiness finds you.x

Thank you all. We grew up in a totally different world. I over compensated with my children. Letting them know they have a voice, but also telling them words can hurt so choose them wisely and don't be cruel to other's. I was Ma grizzly and they were spoiled. Now they're privileged and think I owe them. Go figure..

💖💖💖

Hes a pastor like an evangelical priest? 😮

Check out Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good" & "The Body Never Lies"

​@@etcwhateverI didn't know he was a pastor...that explains his darkness...they always reveal some truth & keep something hidden or offer it's opposite...always a fly in the ointment to keep you dependent & giving money.

@@testtest2609 well im catholic and the priests in my parish are great and people only give money to help the social projects if they want or can do it. I cant speak for evangelicals and also even inside a determinate Church there can be saintly people and very bad people. In the end, people need to look for the knowledge. I go to my Church but i read the documents, the Bible, the doctrinal manual aka Cathecism.

It’s been proven statistically that our bodies suffer from all types of abuse.

💖So sorry. Love and courage to you.

Im so sorry for for what you went through, and you're right, cancer can absolutely do that. Look into Gabor Maté if you don’t know him, his book When the Body Says No is about exactly that.

I'm going to agree with you. They never helped me, if you call doping kids helping. Yes, therapy only fueled my addiction. How is giving Haledal therapy ? 60 years old and still trying to heal. I stopped going to doctors and therapist because they wouldn't listen to me when I said that the medication Wasn't working. Others just want to lock you up and feed you drugs and more or less call you crazy because of how you feel... can't be honest and express yourself for fear of straight jackets...

Check out Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good" & "The Body Never Lies"

The Body Keeps The Score is a great book too.

Agree 100%. Especially after 2020.

That's smart, because they patently cannot be trusted.

Thanks for your comment. This is really common. This escape to fantasy/ fantasizing shows how deeply we inherently desire security, connection and love.

Yep

@@TimFletcher@twinkletee22 Fantasy is the only way I am able to live.

I sometimes would have fantasies about being someone else with different people around me, and I would fantasize being in third person. After I got out of the traumatic environment and people I used my imagination to my advantage to process what I have been programmed for and make up scenarios in my head of different outcomes of what I've been through. And it works for me at least.

@@livdye7263 Fantasy helps me too. In my personal situation I implement fantasy only within myself and never involving another person. Otherwise I’d be delusional. It gladdens my heart to know you rose above your situation.

Good realization. You're a very wise and insightful person.x

Authority is conditional. There's some people that can't accept authority in any situation. For example if you want to learn how to drive a car you have to be taught, so for awhile you have to listen to the person teaching you and accept their authority... when it comes to driving cars. Once you've learned all they know or they've proven they are guiding you wrong, they lose that authority. Any other kind of authority is bogus in my opinion.

@@bluepsiongamer4909 I tend to recognize ans respect knowledge or skill and limit it to that specific area rather than grant it to the whole person.

Me neither. As the late, great George Carlin once said: "I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I do not believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero."

Yes, the excuse that they were abused as children does not fly with me. If a parent can be nice in public, and cruel and evil in private, then they KNOW what they are doing is wrong, and they STILL CHOOSE do it. Is it a mal-adaptive behavior from childhood? Maybe, but they still know it is WRONG and still choose to hurt people with their manipulative actions.

He probably went through it too

Completely agree. These videos have been immensely eye opening.

I am sorry to hear your painful experience has done this to you. There is love and it is the most profound manifestation of love. I found it and you can too. Sit in meditation consistently with your attention on slow deep breathing at first. Inhale through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth like a sigh. This resets your nervous system from sympathetic to parasympathetic. From fight, flight or freeze to relaxation and safety. This first step is very important. When you are able to maintain this state of relaxation for 5 minutes, congratulate yourself because this is loving yourself, especially your child-within. Feel that response to congratulation in your heart, because that is where it will arise, by focusing your attention there. It is subtle but becomes more apparent as you consistently show up to meditate and attend to being there for the traumatized child who withdrew from the world. The reason that it is so difficult to heal for most people is that this is betrayal trauma that occurs between birth and age two when a child’s frontal cortex is not yet functioning. If you consistently show up with the intention to nurture that child-self, wonderful experiences happen in a sequence and speed that is unique, safe, and comfortable for each person. Personally, I found that the journey leads to the Pure Unconditional Love that surpasses all understanding and defies description. When you have found that this resides within you, as it does in every being, you will never feel unloved again. This message is from your own spiritual guides because I don’t usually watch this channel, it just showed up on my Recommended list. I also don’t know why I read your message either. That is how I know that your cry for help was heard in the Spiritual Realm. May your journey be blessed. Sending you love and Reiki Hugs. 🙏🏻☮️❤️

You end up bc of trauma to see love is a state of being that resides in you all the time. Some of us will never get it from our primal attachments- don’t give up it exists in you

It wasn't love

The court bit adds the injury to the insult. 😢

Love is only christ find him!!

That is burn out!

Check out Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good" & "The Body Never Lies"

The Body Keeps The Score is a great book too.

ALice Miller is the best, she absolutely healed me after 15 years of trying while living in survival mode. Amazing, amazing woman, I’ll forever be in awe of and grateful to her.

Bless you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Gaslighting one’s self is real. It’s a maladaptive coping skill. You’re aware of it!

It doesn't help, when most people around keep saying things like "everybody feels the same" or "just pick yourself up and stop feeling sorry for yourself".

Yes

Check out "For Your Own Good" by Alice Miller. They have calling is parenting and had parenting guides solidified to harm children as a culture in the Western world.

​@@testtest2609: in the eastern world too, and it is even worse in the eastern world. You broke the law if you go no contact with your parents in many Asian countries.

I am so sorry you were treated this way

Check out Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good" & "The Body Never Lies"

The Body Keeps The Score is a great book too.

The Body Keeps The Score is a great book too.

@maja, I hope you don’t find this comment trite or cliché. I understand what you went through (are going through) and felt because I experienced something similar. The only way I could finally heal was through accepting Jesus’ saving grace. I probably would not be here right now if I hadn’t. Knowing all this information, that the good doctor has explained to us, is very important but there is no instruction on how to “fix it” presently. In my case, I could not “fix” myself. The only way I could get healed was through my relationship with Jesus Christ. He does love you unconditionally and that emptiness that you have right now will be filled with His grace, love, acceptance and forgiveness. All you have to do is ask Him for it. I pray that God bless you and heal you.

​@@evlynealeshire5850 Thank you for your understanding and for sharing your experience. I agree with you it is just that I don't know how to get there anymore. It is like I am in a rollercoaster and until it stops it is what it is. Thank you once more for your comment.

Awww. I'm sorry. For everything you went through. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take care of everything for you. 😢. But we just get stronger and adapt and overcome. And eventually learn that there was something broken in those people who hurt us and that it's not our fault. I hope you're surrounded by love and comfort for the rest of your days. 💛🕊️

​@@Stubbornclaritythank you, that would be nice. But some holes are hard to climb out of. I maintained lifelong loyalty and commitment to unhealthy family system and the damage for me is really big. I know I have personal responsibility, but its hard to do almost anything of substance while struggling on a daily basis for personal integrity and sanity. I think only those closely related and affected by certain types of deeply wounded individuals, narcissistic-like, can understand what it feels like. That's why I appreciate these videos and other people's stories shared in the comments. All the best 🕊

@@maja8615 you're welcome 🤗 Hugs to you. You're stronger than I would have been.