Unicorn Store is TRASH 

I hate everything unicorn-related now ►Become a Patron! www.patreon.com/JLongbone OR ►Donate! www.paypal.me/BoneyLong Ps. I've featured an original song by one of my subscribers, ALTAR! Check out more of his music ! ru-vid.com/show-UCYcdRhvE-gN_dVJOvGNoPdg

I want to make a movie called Unigorn, about a kid who finds and befriends a unicorn and uses it to get violent revenge on his bullies.

I feel silly. I didnt realize this was a movie. I thought it was a weird website lol

Well, this is what you wanted brie. Women of colour reviewing movies. And you're right, the result is fantastic! Thank you JLongbone!

What are you doing, JLongbone? This movie wasn’t made for you!

Brie Larson needs some serious character development as a human being...

She seems so insufferable, both in character and out.

"Vaginal white noise" is a pretty good description of any feminist opinion.

Brie Larson and Tessa Thompson are the pinnacle of toxic feminism.

This movie looks really boring and pretentious. Its existence may be evidence that Brie's over-inflated sense of self-importance is finally starting to push her off the deep end.

Magic Samuel Jackson with tinsel hair: "...bake it cookies" Arnold Schwarzenegger: "Put that cookie down, now!"

Larson is really what is wrong with modern day feminism. They hate being criticized for their worst actions and yet bad attitude. And not even being accountable for themselves.

Did....did Brie Larson try to pull off Manic Pixie Girl? That trope barely worked for the girls that kind of fit it, much less middle-aged soccer mom in denial.

You looked stressed. Here's a large horse that costs thousands of dollars a year to care for. But at least it's pretty.

'She looks like a'... I forget what you said, but my first thought was: "She looks like a car wash brush..."

I love how you just give up on the plot summary because the film is so shit haha

you should also do tall girl. it's such a piece of garbage i was so shocked something this stupid got released lmao netflix keeps surprising me

Brie Larson's characters reliance on "negro for her ego" (I love that line) side characters BOTHER me to my core! I purposefully refuse to watch Unicorn Store because I would rather support your roasting of it!

"He has tincle in his afro so he's a MAGICAL NEGRO!" 😆😂 I'M DEAD!

Brie: You cant criticize me youre a ma- JL: im a woman Brie: ..... *Sweats nervously*

"You know why they call it the cockpit, right?" Even as an MCU fan myself, I rolled my eyes at that line. It's right up there with "Devil's Anus" from Thor: Ragnarok as the stupidest dialogue in the franchise.

She is the type of art student who makes the "my teacher hated me" video, simply because they don't follow the assignment.

Finally, our queen is back.

Now that she did Unicorn Store, can't wait for her to do the obligatory "Aladdin is Trash" video. Lol 🍸

There are actors who can be great directors. Clint Eastwood, Jordan Peele, and Ben Affleck to name a few. Brie Larson isn't one of them.

You know, combining two of your ideas, a movie about a childish weird chick needing to grow up and a boring stuck-up boss/colleague needing to learn to relax at the same time, could have been a decent chick flick...

Wait, If "A wrinkle in time" was "made for Black women"...Is Brie Larson saying there is a different kind of good for different races and genders? Isn't that kinda like making an entrance exam more "Asian friendly" by making it more math centric?

I heard that only virgins can see unicorns.

Brie: I did my stunts because that that's what everyone did Hayden Christensen and Ewan McGregor spent A MONTH going stunts for one of the greatest star wars battles EVER but you just waltz on in thinking you're SOOO special- uuuuuugh 😒

I am utterly convinced Brie Larson black mailed Samuel L. Jackson. There is no other way he would have accepted this with out being threatened into it.

I'm pretty sure that Brie Larson was good in Scott Pilgrim Vs The World is because that's her legit personality at this point.

No, you know what? You know what? I can't let this slide anymore; the "You know why they call it a cockpit, dont'cha?" line *isn't that bad.* I could actually see an army guy doing that to an army woman as a way of hazing. The way you make that work, however, is that you have Carol grin in an easy-going manner and fire right back with something along the lines of "why, did you never figure out how yours worked?" To understand what I'm talking about, Predator opens up with a bunch of Manly Men with Army Experience taking the piss out of each other, because that's how these people bond. Instead of making it a stupid "Oh, he's being such a misogynist" moment, make it a bonding moment to make the character more likable. SHOW the scene for what it is, an Army Jock trying to throw around his swagger, she shows she's a big girl who doesn't give a shit about what he thinks, and then the two laugh and get closer. THAT would have been the proper damn way to do that scene. By having her respond with "oh gosh, what is this creepo doing?" she makes herself look like far more of a thin-skinned weakling who thinks everyone with a dick is out to get her. That is not how "strong women" act, FFS.

"A child wrote this movie" Well, Larson acts like she stuck at the age of 15 *_in real life,_* so.

She wasn’t always like this. She was great in Scott Pilgrim and 21 jump street. I wonder what happened?

Just realized something about Brie's office..."presentation"...knowing how glitter is a pain to clean up (especially from a carpet floor), you really got to feel bad for the maintenance workers.

“A negro for her ego” i love that, its PERFECT

You forgot to mention that she was 86'd because she was given a task to show she understood a specific art technique, and instead splashed paint around like a toddler and made crazy faces.

More movie reviews plsss I beg you!

Love the use of Three Days Grace in this 😂😂😂

this reminds me of my favorite line, "This movie wasn't made for you." This shit goes for so much of hollywood's movies. I would thoroughly enjoy learning who any of these movies are made for. Isn't the common theme of most of these movies a sad attempt at female empowerment, only to end up saying that men still hold all the power? Like who is really holding all the cards in both captain marvel and the unicorn store? The female protagonist? Or the man who is literally telling her what to do and how to do it?

Sam Jackson 1994: "Great vengeance and furrrrrious anger!".... 2019: Pink suited- glitter haired unicorn seller who's side hustle is being the conscience for a white-guilt ridden woman sourfaced and confrontational over her own pretty blonde whiteness all the time.

Imagine if the ending was just Brie brutally killing the unicorn and drinking its blood to gain immortality

Is that the Cuphead soundtrack I hear??? Man, you're just overflowing with good taste

You just don't get it Miss JLogbone, this movie was made for people with zero taste!

If *this* was the Last Unicorn, I'd drop it with a crossbow.

"You look like a women's march pinata." God bless you and your descendants JL.

If you want to see a movie about a childlike loser growing up a little bit thanks to a magical place and some weird half magical mentor watch The Librarian. A cheap TV movie about a nerd becoming a slightly less embarrassing nerdy Indiana Jones. If you want to see Sam Jackson in weird costumes doing weird shit watch The Spirit. It's stupid as fuck but it's fun.

My god, what did they do to Samuel Jackson? He’s freaking creepy in this movie.

This looks like a more embarrassing performance from an Oscar-Winner than Halle Berry in Catwoman.

“Until her parents decide to put her in the funny farm” 💀💀💀💀

"Bake it cookies" i died at that part 😂😂🤣

"don't ask questions about surrealism!" nah, stories are supposed to have internal logic even if they're weird shit. that's why South Park worked so well for so long.

Here's the thing about Brie Larson; if she wasn't so political about everything. I'd like her. She lets political things go to her head. Yeah this movie is pretty bad but I'd rather watched Captain Marvel. Also; the cat is important to Captain Marvel even in her comics. Edit: Also; this movie could have been rewritten to be good..but they hired people who don't care.

This could have worked actually. If the writing and characters were tweaked. Like maybe Brie (I don't care what the main character's name is) could have experienced something traumatic in her adulthood or maybe just finds adulthood very stressful and depressing, which would be very relatable in this day and age where adulthood is seen as such. She would only find happiness in her childhood and reminisce on some of her good memories where things were much simpler and innocent and more happy and free. This makes her worthy of the unicorn, a magical manifestation of purity and childhood. And for the first time in years, it made her happy. She would live her life, while by night having magical adventures with the unicorn. This made her happy. Happy enough to get out of her depression, find another job that's good for her, find herself some good friends or a boyfriend, but it's only when she keeps growing up and more mature and starts developing a life all on her own, she starts to realize that she doesn't need the unicorn to be happy anymore and it fades away, but she still holds all those memories of it dear to her. Because in the end, we're all kids inside, some of us just forget about that. I don't know. .Just spit balling here.

This sounds like a movie I'd make. I'm 13.

Thank GOD. I thought it was just me who thought this movie was bad... Nothing in it seems real. The character interactions all seem so inorganic and the dialogue was written really weirdly. I hated the main character the most though... It was impossible to relate to her struggle and want her to succeed because she's an insufferably spoiled brat who was constantly going "I'm not wrong, everyone else is! Everyone should change how they act to accommodate my own selfish wants!" That's what I hated most, honestly.

Even the unicorn is done with her crap... If I'm not mistaken, a horse's ears laid back means "I don't like this, back off or I'll bite"... But correct me if I'm wrong...

*Sees unicorn store review* Me: Ah the promised day has finally come. Seriously i have been waiting for this.

2:34 Oh, my gahd. I'm awful. 😂🤦 What popped into my head was 'Black Elton John'.

Do a review of Bismati Blues, it's a maelstrom of cringe. Short synopsis: Brie Larson plays white savior to an Indian village.

I have never seen a commercial about periods or tampons with a man in it.

"It's so weird that this film about me, for me and by me has so much things I can relate to!"

I want to be gifted the title of Magical Negro.

What makes this even more cliche is the addition of her home movies. I study at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago and compiling old home movies for a project is beyond overdone.

1:04 How are Brie Larson's eyes are more terrifying than any serial killer.

Art student: *Gets axed from art school and has to go back to live with her parents* Art student: *Receives mysterious letter telling her to go to a mysterious strange place even though she has no idea what it is* Art student: "Eh, might as well, it's not like I'm *busy* or anything right now...." Art student: *Cries as she gets ready to go out to fill her time with anything, literally anything* EDIT: I'm sorry did she actually say "When you make a movie that's a love letter to women of color, there's an insanely low chance women of color will see it and review it" ??? ...I didn't realize Netflix could sense if you fit the category of POC and woman simultaneously. Man, how far humanity has come!/s

Someone should tell Brie that Zooey Deschanel did the Manic Pixie Dream Girl thing better.

“This movie kinda made me regret...living” lol

Brie Larson: your dream is worst than mine, now gib money!

The idea of unicorn store isn't bad, a girl who pushes people away cause she thinks they hate her and stuck in childish delusions and going on an emotional journey to find out living an adult life and seeing that people care about you and you can stop wanting something that isn't real and become a responsible, sassy but kind hearted, strong woman who'd gonna make her life better than a unicorn, IF WRITTEN WELL, that's the key, I went on but I think it could work if done right

Every time I see The Big Hit scenes in your vids it makes me smile.

I remember someone on DA was saying that Brie Larson was "joking" what she was saying about white men and that all the hate she got was unnecessary. He even claimed DC fans were harassing her. Clearly that guy has no idea what he is talking about

Brie Larson just puts out bad vibes. She has no joy. And I never wanted to strangle a movie more than I have with Unicorn Store. Oh no this brat who doesn't do what she's supposed to do gets mad when she's rejected because she's a weirdo who doesn't seem to be mature enough.

Even Wolves of wall street had better character development

2:30 Flashbacks to the "Magical Negro Fight" sketch from Key and Peele.

I find it so strange how many media sites are trying to protect Brie Larson from any kind of criticism

Welcome back Queen!!

"According to who? Bausch and Lomb!" god dammit that one got me good, fantastic video J!

Do we ever find out whether she knows why they call it the cockpit? Aviation borrowed the term from the cockpits on sailing ships, so called because it was where the coxswain steered the ship. From being the room on a sailing ship from which she is steered, it was only natural to extend it to the room from which an aeroplane is steered. Which you would think that someone in the airforce, who has worked for many years for the airforce, would know.

This was hilarious and worth the wait. *I hated unicorns* after the My Little Pony / Bronie craze. The MLP p0rn on p0rnhub, Pinterest, and dA made them irredeemable in my eyes. Now I'm just content I'll never like unicorns again 💖😊

"his the first one to put a stick in a box" Was that a joke? I'm legitimately curious whether that was a sex joke or a jab a modern art.

Weekend Warrior, EFAP, JLongbone... The slaying Trinity of unicorn-lover Bore Larson.

Remember when Brie Larson did music? I don’t.

*Throws glitter everywhere*

Brie Larson is Rian Johnson, with a bigger forehead and stronger jawline.

I know Sam will basically star in anything but... damn, this was a rough one.

Brie Larson is the embodiment of everything I hate on a woman

She has more believable chemistry with the sexist stereotype boss than the actual love interest.

I honestly think this movie is worse than Captain Marvel which is something I didn’t think was possible, Brie has made watching paint dry more engaging than watching her try to act in a film.

I’ve been WAITING for this!! Ahhh! So glad you’re back queen!!! 😩❤️❤️

"'Can I speak to your manager' Id" LOL. Poetry!

I love how actors always pour a table spoon of coffee into their mugs.

At least Bri actually changed expressions throughout this movie ..tried acting..right

You better do Captain Marvel or we're personally attacking you

I figured it out. Cheese Theft is Chloe from "Life is Strange". Self-entitled, hipster millennials who think they know better than everyone else, and believe they're owed something just for existing.

your video editing skill is next level. you got a new fan! love your content

Here I was minding my own business thinking I wasn't going to hear the phrase "vaginal White Noise" today. now I can't stop laughing

Omg you're my favourite channel on RU-vid ❤

Is it me or do a lot of these stars have the same agent? I'm just curious how so often they end up in the same films together.

"This movie wasn't made for you" Next step: "This movie wasn't made by you! You'd had to have been making it to really understand the lived-in experience of the writer/director."