Unmasking After Late Autism Diagnosis - Embracing Authenticity 

I was diagnosed last week with ASD after already being diagnosed year's ago with ADHD. On May 25, at 45 I got an Autism diagnoses. My brain decided it was done masking on it's own after another stupid/traumatic life event, and at 43 could not mask in certain areas anymore. The CBT training class settings I grew up in seemed to just be forgotten d things got harder. I was trained as a child to act "normal". Life is harder, and now lonelier. My family and friends gave up on me long ago. And my symptoms do nothing but get me in trouble. I watch these videos to be less alone, and appreciate them. Thank you for your strength.

When I unmask people tell me they prefer my masked self and I should go back to "Normal". My masked personality is goofy and funny... So when I unmask people leave me

I have little chance to get an autism test soon, but I have come to the realization that I am on the spectrum - like my two kids. I am sitting here, listening, and I feel insanely tired. So many puzzle pieces falling into place. So much to unroll. Thank you. This video is unsettling, but very useful.

'So, stop masking', my psychiatrist said. I'm trying. I've lost all of my self-confidence and belief in my ability to function, and my intellect. People react to me differently. And, yes, it's hard to self-advocate and speak up. Thanks for sharing. It's really helpful!

I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 23, and even now at 28 and i’m still figuring out how to unmask. I’ve become more comfortable with stimming and having comfort items and not being afraid at having a different way of being. These videos have been so helpful for me. 😊

I would really like to see a series about you, doing "diy" stuff at Home 😅 you could improve your editing skills and get a collection of "fail Sounds". Like building a Nest/House for brids. And you could prepare stuff with your child, Off camera. Like painting the house and placing it in the garden.

I am just now unmasking! And omg! 43 and newly diagnosed! This is awful feeling! I’ve balled throughout this whole video! I sent this video to a few friends and family members to watch without judgement, and asked them to support me through this process

I got a diagnosis a few years back. Just as the pandemic hit and everything locked down. As a result, I've never had the support I need to understand or accept my diagnosis. It makes me so frustrated, and lonely. I really don't have the tools to understand what my diagnosis means to me.

I feel like a sheep that has to wear a sheep costume because even though i am indeed a sheep, all the other sheep think im actually a wolf. Lol. Im just a sheep! XD i swear!

I got an early diagnosis but i still don't feel like i can be genuine. My parents had me diagnosed, but they didn't address the diagnosis. They got me help, but not the help i wanted, or the help i needed. Nor did they address or identify all the other issues i have or the issues that accompanied my diagnosis. They only saw the social side, which just made me feel like i was a loser and that it was my fault i wasn't good at socialising, and never addressed my Dyscalcula, Dyslexia, troubles with time keeping and trouble with problem solving, and so i just thought i was useless and stupid. I didn't even know I'm dyslexic until i got with my partner, who told me I'm likely dyslexic based on the obvious stuff but not so obvious, explaining why i did so poorly in a lot of my exams during school. Being around another autistic person has helped me be more genuine, but i still don't know if I'm really genuine or if I'm just... masking in a fruity way? I dress how i like which makes me happy, even if its unorthadox for 2023, i style my weak moustache how i like which makes me happy and i socialise in some capacity that makes me happy But changing my style to be how I'm happy is a small thing The way i socialise is deadpan and blank, maybe thats authentic to me, but maybe its just how i mask myself? I hide my interests from people and avoid talking about them because people will think its strange, or i think they will? I do stim and fidget, but i hide it when I'm with others consciously. When i say i got help i didn't want or need, i was given a keyworker in school, which only made me mask more. They didn't talk to me like a mature kinda brainy artistic fourteen year old, they spoke to me like a helpless infant. I didn't feel like an equal, not even to the degree that one can feel equal to a teacher, they tried to bribe me with snacks and posters with pictures of things I'd talked about that i liked, i think it was doritos and Grand theft auto, and it made me feel like speaking openly about things i enjoy and find interesting was being used to baby me and try and bribe me like training a dog, like dangling a treat over my nose to get me to sit. I was treated like i fit into a binary, i was never asked, by the keyworker, what my strengths are and what my weaknesses are, i was treated like every 'symptom' of autism applied to me when, functionally besides learning difficulties, i am the same as every other kid. I don't experience overstimulation from light, sound or scent, I'm not too bothered by the presence of a lot of other people, my attention span is pretty okay and i don't have anger issues, i was perfectly verbal and not to toot my own horn but quite eloquent too, but i was treated like i had every challenge possible, and was made to think i struggled more than i did. Every bit of bad behaviour and my bad test scores was blamed on autism, but they never addressed my mental state or my educational needs, they looked at it like a behavioural issue to deal with. My parents never addressed it beside this. They just wanted me to keep acting like everyone else, every neurotypical kid, which i got better at But as i say, i don't know how to be authentic I don't even tell people I'm autistic I didn't tell my partner i was autistic until the third year of our relationship even though i had nothing to lose- they're autistic, and were always honest about it.

"You just burn out, and there goes your career." This happened to me recently. "Recently" as in over several years, culminating in the last half year, where I lost my job. I don't really know, and when I think about getting a new job it stressses me out to a degree than I am not comfortable expressing. It terrifies me. I have good references and such, but not quite knowing what to do next after having a stable job for more than a decade, where I thought I was secure and safe is utterly terrifying, especially in the current job environment. That's not mentioning that my diagnosis was "misplaced" in the beurocracy and I don't even officially have a diagnosis currently is terrifying. I am set to see psychaiatrists and get it back, but that doesn't help me in my current situation where I have to seek a job without even having an official diagnosis. I try to stay positive, and the anti-depressants I am currently on do a lot to help me from falling into despair, but I can't help myself from falling whenn I even think about having to try and convince someone to hire me. I have a couple months of grace period before I have to depend on unemplyment benefits to keep me afloat and fed, but it is utterly terrifying that I will have to rely on my limited ability to "fit in" to try and get a job before then, as the waiting period for seeing the psychologists so I can get my diagnosis re-issued is long.

Do you have a video about how it can be hard to talk? For instance, words come really easy to me when I write but I fumble while speaking in real time. The only time I don’t is when it's a topic I'm very interested in and I feel like the one or two other people I'm talking to are truly listening to me.

When masking makes you compliant and a people pleaser, people will complain that they liked you before you unmasked because you were easier to be used and manipulated for others wants and desires even if they are unaware they were doing it

Most people think saying "I am Autistic" is fishing for an excuse for being odd. Telling them that you are (To me) is impossible. Im 55yrs, it feels like a wasted life.

Figured out I was autistic last year at 50 after burnout and long Covid took my ability to mask. I drop things for no reason, have trouble speaking, understanding people and making eye contact, and sensory sensitivity is cranked up. I didn’t understand what was going on. All of a sudden I was autistic (and at first I didn’t realize all my stuff was autism). Luckily one of my lifelong special interests had been psychology (in a desire to understand myself and others) and I figured it out. It was shocking, but explained everything. There was a grieving period, but ultimately self-acceptance and self-understanding allowed myself to forgive all my perceived shortcomings (I just can’t human like other humans). I’m not a bad person. I’m autistic and adhd. I’m different. Clearing out all the judgments created space for joy to come back into my life. Luckily, I’m in a place where I have time and space to just be and discover. Having this diagnosis changed everything. I no longer see myself as a failure, someone who had so much potential but wasted it. I have a disability that makes some things a lot more difficult for me. But it also gives me superpowers of creativity, focus, empathy, honor, and joy

Even as kids many of us autistic folks found ourselves 'responsible' for the responses and emotional well-being of the people who should have known us but weren't (Still aren't?) responsible to know themselves. And too often we neglected ourselves to fit in and care for others.

I’m literally sitting here with sensory overload. I’m a teacher, and I try to be vulnerable with my students. They know that “sounds and light hurt me”, so they are aware and are very understanding. And I’m grateful for a boss and many coworkers who are accepting and helpful when I’m struggling, and we’re very supportive in my journey of unmasking and getting diagnosed. One thing I noticed after I stopped masking was my temper got shorter. When I was masking, I literally internalized all negative emotions and went and exploded at home. Now that I’m allowing myself to experience emotions in real time, I’m having to learn to regulate it in a way I haven’t before.

It’s so very difficult. Learning more about myself, and WHY I’ve always been the most misunderstood person that my friends and I have ever known, has been painfully eye-opening. I’ve recently learned of a couple social cues that I hadn’t known about, and realized how so many people in my past must’ve thought I was a selfish snob. I’ve broken down into tears a lot lately. Thank you for this video.

That comment about masking being an attempt to be unseen, that invisibility I struggled with for decades. There is much that I want to say, but words.... So THANK YOU

I was too severely autistic to mask .There was nothing to gain by trying to please people I needed to have a life worth living even if I had to steal it .Have you ever met anyone diagnosed autistic as adult who spent years in mental hospital when young Getting my autistic diagnoses was like being forgiven No more assumption that my mental illness was my fault

This is one of the most helpful videos I've seen about masking. I was particularly struck when you indicated that masking doesn't just make us acceptable in society, it actually makes us invisible. Yes! Thanks as always for your thoughtful content.

When I started setting boundaries my roommate said that I’d changed. That I didn’t used to be like this. My roommate clearly took offense and called my boundaries ridiculous. Unmasking and standing up for yourself can be very difficult. I receive a good deal of resistance from some people when I drop my mask. Despite that resistance unmasking is totally worth it.

Lately, I've been noticing how much energy it sometimes costs me to vary my intonation when I'm talking. It feels exaggerated and outright phony at times and I've been allowing myself to slip into monotone talking more and more. I always did so sometimes without really thinking about it but now I consciously allow it as a way of unmasking, to conserve energy and embrace the authentic me. That might not seem like much but to me, it's really something. I think it helps to start paying attention to what takes energy and what feels inauthentic in order to unmask. I just got diagnosed in early May of this year, at age 47 😊

I'm at the "redefine myself" point. I've learned my processing issues and don't have constant daily migraines anymore. I'm literally starting from my childhood memories and going from there, picking out the parts of me that I masked to "fit in" while trying to figure out the "me" underneath.

Workplace rejection is the worst for me. Because I make sure I'm not doing anything INTENTIONAL to upset people. Went so far as to read a lot of books to help myself communicate better with others. Focus on I statements. Don't' accuse people of things. Don't use negative adjectives to describe people. But you know speaking bluntly and straight forward seems to be the right idea in my head. But I've learned or come to understand that NT people tend to lie... A LOT. So they see our blunt/forward comments as some sort of manipulation, since so many NTs have issues just being blunt and honest up front. And then when an NT does get upset... its usually over some weird thing they perceived you said X so you MUST mean Y. All while not taking into account that NONE of my past actions would even suggest that is true, nothing I've said even come close to that wild accusation. Then I'd get in trouble for how someone is FEELING about me... and because they can't deal with their own feeling some how that is my fault and I should change to make them feel better? Biggest insult/slap in the face... I already do so much to make others comfortable, I've always stood my ground when I know I haven't done anything wrong. And will not change myself to make another's internal feelings better, that is their responsibility to change their personal beliefs to stop getting hurt over minor things that are not even pointed at them. But because I'm weird/odd/strange/not normal some how your feelings are my responsibility? LOL no, that's gaslighting and manipulation right there. I don't think NT people as a whole are a problem. The types of NT who I think cause the biggest problems are those that believe people as a whole should behave a certain way. Those types of people who generally see things in black and white/all or nothing thinking. Those who do not value uniqueness. Those that believe society has a set of rules everyone should abide by. Those that think the only tools they will ever need is a hammer and a screw driver... You know the ones... if they can't see something physically wrong with you then they think you should be normal. This type of person is the problem. They cannot accept differences. Closed minded people who also think their intuition/gut feelings are right and don't bother to investigate. At 25 they thought they had everything figured out and don't challenge their world view.

Getting a diagnosis as even a young woman would have given me the permission I needed to be myself! The masking for survival crushed me for decades. 😮‍💨

Orion, I just want to say that as someone who was diagnosed very recently in my early 20s - I have been going through this process completely alone. It is scary, and hard, and I still haven’t even disclosed to work which I know is inevitable. I used to absolutely hate myself because I thought I was broken, or lazy, or just a shitty person but watching your videos and hearing how much they resonate with me helps me more than I can say. I listen to them while I’m at work and I’m having anxiety because my boss is once again getting onto me for my autistic traits. I was never very good at masking, but I do come across as someone that NTs would look at and say “No way you’re autistic.” It really helps the way you celebrate autistic traits and highlight all of our strengths and all of the wonderful parts of being autistic, because while we have many struggles, it’s not all bad. In fact, I’d say being autistic is a very positive thing in my life. I love myself and the way I think, & I always have, but it’s hard to remember that when the outside world is looking down on you. Thank you for all your help!

One of the most impactful statements I ever heard from someone, while I was trying to figure out if I was maybe undiagnosed, was "You don't hate yourself. You hate the self you are forced to portray." Probably doesn't apply to most people but man did it feel like a slap in the face to me.

It's so amazing how Orion can vocalise how we're thinking and feeling, because he's shared same or similar experiences. It's so inviting, a relief to know that we're not truly alone and there are answers out there for the majorities of our questions and concerns. Masking I've found to be a protective technique from have to face the neurotypical world that we live in. It could also be protective for others I've felt. Next level control of pretty much every aspect of ourselves except our brain which is essentially working overtime. It's draining, yes. It's not truly us, sure, but only because we're being reserved for ourselves and others. An incredibly excellent presentation of a daily challenge and constant struggles of the neurodivergent. Awesome job, you never cease to surprise me with the perfect timing for your videos and their topics.😊

I do not have a formal diagnosis, but know absolutely that I am autistic, as are both of my grown sons and my father. I worked very hard for services for my kids when they were young. I knew they had issues, but not what. They were both in therapy, getting executive function training, and extremely anxious from toddlerhood. They also had a lot of GI problems that my husband thought were “faking”. Luckily for my kids, stimming, sensory overload, vomiting, communication issues, and melt downs did not seem weird to me, just different to other kids, so I coped better than I might have. But I still felt like I should fix them and I drove myself to burnout. My husband was in denial about everything and constantly pushing me to make the kids “better”, since their issues were clearly all my fault. He also demanded that I be a social butterfly and listen to music at all times, which I hated. He wanted to call me at work many times a day, when I had no time or desire to talk. It would be “silly” to drive separately to a party so I could leave when I was ready to snap, but then refused to leave when I wanted to. I work in health care and was exhausted and over stimulated at the end of each day. Too many people wanted too much from me. Pretending to be “normal” for my hubby, and my boss, and the world led to years of profound depression and over medication. At 55, I found a great therapist who taught me how to set boundaries, especially with my husband and my boss. Hubby did not like it and divorced me. The best thing that could ever have happened! I now live in a lovely, little, neat, quiet house surrounded by my pets and plants. At work, i also set limits and discovered that I’m valuable enough that I can call all my shots. I work shorter days and I communicate with most people by email, because I HATE talking on the phone. I ask for the music to be turned down if I’m overwhelmed. I say no to social events if it’s too much and drive alone to all social events so I can leave when I want to. I’m honest with my kids about my limits. My youngest son wanted to live with me for 3 months and I said sorry, I can’t do that. We found him an apartment instead. I’ve embraced my quirky self and my kids limitations and I’m coming to terms with my difficult childhood. I have weaned off of most of my antidepressants and all of my anti anxiety medications. I don’t mask anymore and I am THRIVING!

Unmasking and being yourself. I don't think many neurotypical people manage that. Seriously, most people (me included) are trying to pass as normal. The only normal people are those you don't know very well. I don't mean to take away from what you're saying just that what you said is true for most to some extent. I have a friend who was diagnosed later in life. Very nice and intelligent guy who didn't get diagnosed until he was older, probably because he was doing so well. Outwardly at least. I met him on a mental health forum, although autism is a difference rather than a mental illness. I got that wrong. Once. He said that mental health problems result from having to deal with a neurotypical world but autism isn't a mental illness it's a difference. I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make here. As someone who has always been different (not autistic, though it has been suggested) I quite like people who are on the spectrum and find I have a lot in common with them. The world should be more understanding of differences is the point I think I'm groping my way towards. Which sounds trite. But seriously, unmasking wouldn't be a problem if people were better informed and more understanding. Talking as a weirdo. Might be talking rubbish.

Thank you for this. I was diagnosed at the age of 58, in 2017. I am still working out how to be comfortable and happy with myself. I have a very supportive partner, but one thing it is helpful to recognise is that some people you've known for a long time won't accept this. They sometimes seem to be hurt that you masked and camouflaged and they can find it very difficult to acknowledge that you want to be yourself now, which for me means not being social.

I had so much self hatred for being on the spectrum. So much shame. It’s why I denied being on the spectrum. There was so much fear of being rejected by everyone. I’ve been admitting it and accepting it. Finding people on you tube like has been so helpful in accepting it all. Meltdowns still scare me. Those are hard

This was an excellent video! Because of the isolation due to the pandemic, my mask was set on the table by the door and I became accustomed to not needing it. I lived alone at that time. My house mates are autistic and had suspected I was autistic for years. Then I went thru a period of death. My brother, who I was taking care of died. Some few months later my elderly cat died and I came home from the veterinarians to find another cat had dropped dead from a heart attack. A few months after that one of my housemates cat was killed by a dog. A week ago the same dog savaged my chihuahua. He is recovering. I’ve been a mess and slapped that mask back on so fast it would make your head spin. Now I’m trying to take it off again, while still trying to deal with all the grief and stress. Do you have a video or podcast that deals with developing skills to handle something like this?

I received my ADHD diagnosis before the pandemic. The pandemic was the first time I got to experience what it felt like to not have to mask. It made it harder to mask once things opened back up.

I very much know that I have masked, but I am unsure if it was often if ever intentional.. So as I prepare for an official diagnosis (there was a 6 month waiting list), and continue to try to prepare for that, how do I know what was/is masking, and how I am supposed to accept my "true self" without knowing who that is.. My inner voice isn't who I am to other people, but it's also not who I want to be. I'm honestly suprisingly comfortable with the idea of building a new sense of self from scratch, but... I'm unsure of what building blocks I even have to work with.

Thanks for talking to me this morning ❤. I was in tears a bit, felt like you were an understanding friend. I am expecting my diagnosis results today. I’m 63. My granddaughter is three, was diagnosed a year ago. Educating myself about autism, the indications pointing to my own likely autism were glaring. I appreciate the clarity and guidance you bring.

"...but even, not blend in, but not even be seen or heard, right?" i feel seen 😳 this, exactly

I've been thinking and learning a lot about authenticity lately. Did you know being your authentic self can actually improve your immune system? It's literally just good for you!! In so many ways. Happy to see this vid about it from you so i can learn from you too 🙏 i just recently started trying to be more of myself with people in my life more intentionally. So i'm taking notes. Haha 🙂☺

You're not just a very good channel, or a breath of fresh air; you are a goddam blessing! I'm 33 and was diagnosed with PDD last year. After doing some research, and especially discovering your channel, I genuinely do not feel like I'm a lone alien in this world. Keep up the good work, Kelly. You have my support every step of the way.

My best coping strategy is music, I'm very fortunate to have found several genres of EDM that help me focus, hype me up or down, and set a safe emotional background to have a discussion with myself. I just wish my job would let me have headphones on (I don't blare music because I still need to be aware of people around me) so I can reduce the emotional tax of masking.

When I first received my diagnosis I was so happy to FINALLY (at 58) know why I am the way I am that I was telling everyone. I stopped doing that pretty quickly when I realized that a lot of people equate autism with violent or delusional mental illness, and they have no interest in correcting their beliefs. If these are people whose actions can negatively impact on your life be very careful what you tell them and when. Be sure you are protected against negative reactions (being fired, evicted, declared mentally incompetent so that others can get legal control over your finances [this is especially an issue for older people]). My estranged husband and the last living member of my family, a brother, totally ignored what I told them. It isn't about them, therefore it is of no interest, either that or they don't want it known that their wife/sister is a nut case, which might have a negative impact on their images. The diagnosis has meant that I know what I need now and why, and I know what I need to do and so can protect myself--something that I never really understood that I needed to do before. No need to be paranoid--just alert.

I’m 52, and I’ve been slowly coming to terms with I’m neurodivergent in some way (likely ADHD & autistic). So many people think I can’t be either one because of conflicting behaviors, and my constant wanting “to fit in and not be noticed for the wrong reasons.” Unmasking is very challenging.

you have no idea how much this video is doing for me right now, I am pursuing official diagnosis but I have is no doubt left in me as to if I am or am not autistic. The pain, the masking and the never being good enough, not being able to get the hidden cues everyone else was using, wondering what was wrong with me. Watching this video is the first time I feel any amount of self love in so very long. It may seem strange but I only feel excited to go on this unmasking journey, I've gotten to a point where I have nothing left to lose and everything to gain. Words cannot explain how grateful I am for what you are sharing. Sincerely thank you.

Thank you for this! I was diagnosed (AuDHD) 3 days ago -- in my 40s -- so I'm just starting on this adventure and have a LOT to work through. I really appreciate you sharing your knowledge. :)

For me, my mindset about my maksing is that I should take the mask off, but only in certain situations. I was diagnosed when I was twelve. Now I'm sixteen and it's stressful and overwhelming going into the work force. And I surpress it all because it makes people more comfortable. It even makes me comfortable because then I don't have a melt down. Which is the last thing I want my employer and costumers to see.

I’m 56 and only just realised that I have ASD. I’m worried about my partner, my work, my friend group and myself. When I remove my mask surely no one will want to know me? When I mention that I’m autistic most people say. “Oh I think everyone’s like that” ! Drives me mad!

I have incredible pattern recognition skills. Hyperphantasia. A nearly perfect tonal ear. Echolalia gives me amazing memorization skills for monologues and spoken poetry. I can recite PAGES of poetry, both my own AND that of others, and not only recall correctly the author, but also THE FIRST TIME I READ/HEARD IT. or how about the fact that those two things are actually THE SAME THING to me. I HEAR everything I read.

I told some friends my late in life diagnosis, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. They all treated me differently whether purposefully or not I don't know. It's just a sad situation all around, often I feel I'd just prefer to be left alone.

What timing! Just got my diagnosis today in Brisbane at age 36. Grateful yet slightly apprehensive about when and where to decide to disclose and bracing for the usual “you don’t look Autistic” etc. That was literally the first thing I was told by the first person I confided in when my GP recommended assessment (from a pyschologist no less). 🤦‍♀️

I was diagnosed in September and I'm finding it really tricky navigating things, so thanks for all your hard work! I worked night shifts in a call centre for 9 years, was great at my job, but was moved to day shifts and had a full on breakdown after 6 months and couldn't work for a long while, I now know a lot of it was autistic burn out. My last employer didn't understand autism or mental health and thought talking about things was pointless, I had to quit after a month as I was working 65 hour weeks. My boss said the work could be done in 30 so I was obviously just slow. Despite the work being spaced out from 8am to 2am. Her words have had such an effect on me mentally and I now feel like a massive failure. Especially as she no longer talks to me as I queried my last pay cheque, which was a load lower than it was meant to be. Now I'm finding it all but impossible to find a new work from home job and there's no support for me at all. 😞

I do feel monumentally challenged. I do discriminate against those who are actually like me, or I have been trained to do so. I've had soooo many monumental setbacks that seem completely impossible to overcome, or recover from. There are SOOO many absolutely perfect points in this long rant that apply directly to my experience of not figuring out I was Autistic, until hitting 60. Yes, I started having meltdowns in the workplace. I never felt a shutdown was acceptable behavior... and I was definitely in burnout at that time. I didn't know what any of those things meant at the time. I started researching why noise, lights, and smells were bothering ME in the workplace, but not my coworkers. BAM... SPD --> Autism. Finally an explanation for all the friction in my life. Orion, thank you for your videos.

Diagnosed at age 59 and still struggling with unmasking at age 64. I really appreciate your help.

Since I’ve been unmasking my anxiety has actually decreased. Realizing I’ve needed to stim my whole life 😢and now I’m doing it it’s like when your legs wake up from being asleep. 😅I’ve always known I have adhd but know I know it’s audhd it’s so much of a change. Thank you for your videos thank you for your ability to share and help us learn what’s e never learned before. If you can cover relationship accommodation that would be really helpful thanks❤❤

After my diagnosis I began to understand why I felt so exhausted, so I stopped masking. My wife tells me I got "worse" after the diagnosis as I briefly stopped masking at home. If I'm not allowed to unmask at home, where am I allowed to rest? Divorce proceedings will begin in the next 3 weeks...

At 4:21 in this video you caused me to have an aha moment when you said undiagnosed autistic people try not to even be seen! Correct sir! I have just recently come to terms with the fact that I've been so afraid of being seen by people my whole life that I thought I was just shy oe intoverted...not entirely true because the me I don't want people to see is the the me I'm just now getting to know myself! Slowly I'm unmasking and as I get comfortable with myself unmasked, I've noticed that the fear of "being seen oe noticed" by others is fading. I think that has something to do with we ad autistic people seeing our true selves first and then accepting and loving ourselves before we let the world see us as we really are.

I've known that I have aphantasia for about 3 years. Last year I discovered that I also have SDAM and I opened to the possibility that I am also an autistic person. This all happened whilst I was writing a book about my trauma-filled life and reviewing the trauma through the lens of aphantasia and SDAM. I've since gone into therapy and had my autism confirmed. I also realised that I had been wearing a mast for over 65 years and I tried to drop that mask and just allow who I am to emerge. The problem was that I had absolutely no idea who I am, and two weeks ago I went into a major meltdown that lasted three days and was followed by what I suspect was a shutdown. I'm writing this with your video paused at 7.11 because I had to say Thank You. This, so far, is the best possible way I have to explain to other people what happened, with recognising and accepting my neurodivergence and why it is so important to me to know this at my late age. And it is also the best way because you have again helped me to understand a bit more about who, and why, I am. You are doing awesome work.

I found this masking information really interesting as to you a lone wolf and in some cases you attract weird people who society has labelled who actually have adhd and then you feel like you can be yourself.

Don't compare yourself to NT life goals. If you are asd and you have a car, or a house, then you are a HUGE SUCCESS. Have you simply held down a low paying job? SUCCESS

Your videos always make me tear up a bit with some self realisations. Thanks

I only masked really at small family parties, work, or with close friends. This is because I pretty much made sure I was left alone until I was about 19 years of age. Work I had to develop scripts (there is a topic for you Orion) to get through the day and handling different individuals, first as a mathematics tutor, then an education specialist/training, then later at the casino where I had to put on a sales persona that I absolutely despised doing. However, I am indigenous and I worked at my Tribes casino. I also masked here in Denmark, mostly with my brother-in-law and his wife. They are up accepting really of my diagnosis, and want me to behave in all forms of communication in my “fawning” personality I take on when I am around her. I moved to Denmark over 20 years ago. I had to mask at school because here in Denmark they believe in small groups working together on projects, presentations, and homework. So, I came into class with a smile (I hate to smile), introducing myself, and just being engaging and kind. Though it never worked the way I hoped, I was always shunned by the Danes, and some neurotypical non-Danish men. One even took my project idea, and did it with another group.

Is it worth it to embrace my true self? At 61 I am not sure how to proceed and possibly gain a level of growth heretofore unknown in my life. The mental challenges now seem quite overwhelming.

So how do I unmask? I have masked so hard so I don't know anymore. and i have a burnout. It feels amazing(sarcasm)

This is your best video thus far. I can relate to every word. I'm self diagnosed almost 68yoa (June 29). I have got to where i rarely mask. It's not my job to please everyone. they must take me as i am, if they desire to be my close friend. Bright lights, loud talking and crowds set me off. I have mentioned to my regular Dr that i feel im autistic. He stated that lots of people are & asked what brought this to my attention. So, i told him about you, Orion. I bragged about you for a few moments. he ask me the name of your pg & he looked it up on his computer and said "Is this Him?" There you were, in all your Glory! I commented that it was the correct pg. He was very interested & i'm certain that hes looked at your pg. Or will. So, thank you. Job well done, Mate! Thank you. i will also mention it to my Mental Health Practitioner, i have a feeling he wont be as cool about it. Only way to find out is to 'dig right in'. I do not mask with any of my Health providers. Dentist, included. I need to be me.

Here's my experience so far: people don't want to hear that you're autistic, they don't believe you, and they resent you from having ANY kind of accommodation that they don't get. One person said that's not fair... we all have problems, why should you get a pass? !! This is way harder than i thought.

Honestly listening to this it appears to me that leaving one's mask on is much simpler. I was diagnosed at 60, a very young sixty, and I have heeded this advice numerous times with negative results. There are a few points, such as dealing with self-depreciation, that have merit. I do enjoy your channel and come here when I need a bit of self-help.

Good content as always. What are your views on lone parents with ASD/ADHD looking after children with ASD/ADHD. All the best with future content.

Diagnosed last year at 36. I have so much support from those who really love me, though I still feel lonely as I come to terms with who I am. Tell you what though, accepting I need plushies at all times has been a game changer, flew home (Melbourne to Perth) last night cuddling an 80cm bear, made the flight a lot easier.

I literally needed this video right now. Ty Orion 👏🏻🙌🏻

Believe it or not you've helpee me me realize that self employment is going to be the only way for me. It's my first official week and I'm already so burried in work lol. Huge mental health win which I can't put a price on.

Thanks Orion. I am waiting on a formal diagnosis so not quite ready to ‘unmask’. This video has helped me understand a bit more about it. I’ve been socially adjusting and suppressing some things as an undiagnosed autistic female for over 50 years. Yes, I did think that I was a typical person but always felt different and seemed a bit odd. I think I started to burn out about 5 years ago when my physical health started declining (probably from all the overwhelm and exhaustion), so I already started learning to say no to some things. I burnt out at work a few months ago, and that’s when I made the autism discovery. There’s a long way to go, but your videos and podcasts are a great source of help. Thank you, and keep up the good work. 😊

33 female here. I came to your channel because I just realized my guy friend (36 male) whom I have dated, may have autism. I have ADHD. He has social anxiety and is introverted, so I didn't see the potential autism until recently. Respectfully, as someone with ADHD I have a hard time being patient though listening through the long video to get to the main points, I keep skipping ahead looking for the spark notes. 😅 I love your enthusiasm and positivity, and great information! Thanks for sharing! I find a lot relates to my friend.

Orion, thanks for helping me realize that I'm autistic. It's just been a few weeks, and all you say here deeply resonates. Masking is not the word I would use: CONTROL is more like it. As I'm so wild, and intense inside, that it can't roam free in the public space. Yes, some friends are terribly invalidating. Yes, I'm going through an existential crisis. Yes, I ve been reliving my past relationships with this new understanding. I had actually apologised to a loved One years ago for been inconsiderate... Yes, I am behaving differently as I'm now owning my sensory overload differences, so my colleagues would start wondering what got into me. Strangely enough, as a TV reporter, some people have told me more than often they love the way I approach my work, and the way I connect with them. My work is my special interest. I just try to refrain from interrupting people all the time, with my relentless questions. It's a feedback I got recently, before I diagnosed myself. It helped. Feedback helps... Edit: cause we also hurt others. Realize that.

As someone who was also late diagnosed as autistic, this is really helpful for me. It helped me understand why I do certain things and to help work on certain issues (mainly people pleasing because that has really gotten me in trouble before, and my internal self hatred) more and understand them. Thanks for making these videos. It's helping me, and my non autistic partner understand me better and how to help with certain things. It's really made a difference.

Yeah this is all real interesting, thing is I’m struggling like holy hell. 50 years old and just found out I’m autistic… always knew there was something “strange” or different but had no idea why. Masking isn’t something I do, at least I didn’t think I did. It’s far from a conscious decision. I felt it was “putting on a brave face” but now see the parallels. How can you be authentic when you don’t feel you know anything anymore? I can’t get how to…. With regards looking back on life with a different perspective…. This is causing flashbacks on a regular basis, constant anxiety, deep regret and resentment, anger then back to anxiety. I’ve lost all confidence in my own judgment, intelligence and perception. It was such a relief to find out what the “issue” or condition I have and I wouldn’t go back to not knowing, but it has quickly turned into an overwhelming burden on my thoughts. It’s like my line of plumb that I assumed was perfectly horizontal is now completely off, but I have no idea HOW much and in what direction. After 50 years, one divorce, no ability to maintain a relationship, even though I wanted to, many failed relationships and unhappiness and anxiety as far as I can remember, I gotta say, I’m surprised I’m still breathing..

I'm back here cos I'm in a world of pain...struggling, at odds not only with this world but with myself and even with my own family. I'm always in pain, masking , ruminating, timming, even talking out loud..I call it turettes but it's just how I release stress. My social anxiety is through the roof but I actually 'over talk' in social situations and I'm very animated...but afterwards I feel the burnout. Exhausting. Crying, depressed, depleted, defeated...tired.😢😢😢 Thank you for helping us

DONT THINK THAT YOU MUST HAVE A PARTNER AND OR SOCIAL NETWORK OF PEOPLE. I myself am emotionally unavailable 98% and live alone because I couldn't put another human being through theisolation. I am fine with being alone. I am the life of the party when out and that's plenty for me.

Not totally related to this video but your mention of guilt brought this up. I was diagnosed in my early 40's and my son is also autistic and I feel guilty about passing it on to him. I didn't want him to be like me, to have the struggles i had which I now realise were related to autism.

Thank you for this, Orion! It pretty much covers all that I have had to come to terms with in the past couple of years. Self acceptance was a hard thing to do for a long while, but it's getting easier with practice. Your channel and others have been a great help. God bless you.

The big one for me was (and still very much is) is my loss of a frame of reference as to how people think. With my diagnosis, I no longer knew how "normal people" think. I'm not one, so I cannot use myself as a model, so what the hell is going on behind all those eyes? Can I trust this person? If I do trust them, I will get stabbed in the back. If I don't, I will hurt people who could be trusted, and I will continually second-guess myself, freaking myself out in the process. Working with kids helps, because their 'brutal' honesty is a breath of fresh air to me. I stink? Thanks for telling me, now I can do something about it.

three minutes in and i’m already crying. i finally feel seen and my life growing up finally makes sense. i have been dealing with a lot of suppression because i felt the need to be “normal.” the part where you said it felt like the mask was glued on really hit me hard because that’s how i feel. like my whole body is twitching just thinking about everything that’s been suppressed.

Since you asked for topics, here are some ideas. Feel free to do nothing with it! Just some thoughts that I had. - Your experience with disclosing your diagnosis to friends and family. - Dealing with intimacy and specifically sensory difficulties or demand. - Balancing understimulation and overstimulation. - Preparing for the summer holidays, how to fill and structure the days, how are you to survive it. - How you manage taking care of your kids after school when there is no backup parent. - Your experience with therapies/therapists and medication. - How to avoid getting lost in a special interest or thinking about it all day long. - Ways to boost your self confidence as an autistic person. - Learning to stim as an adult when fidget toys don't do the trick. - To what degree to unmask? neurotypicals also have undesirable traits that they mask. - Autism as the next evolutionary step. Just a fun theory.

Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself, of my emotions, sensitivity and sticking to routine. As an undiagnosed autistic I can't fully unmask, but I keep reminding myself, that it is okay to be vulnerable.

It’s extremely hard to unmask, because I never got a proper diagnosis as a child. They just said I have ADHD and anxiety. So now that I’ve been pretending to be normal for most of my life, I don’t know how to be myself Because acting like myself, feels wrong and stupid and I should just be like everyone else

It’s virtually impossible finding any support system in the city I live in , in Canada 🇨🇦. We don’t have enough family physicians here. Where does a person get any understanding or support 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I don’t think I’m liked by anyone… just tolerated. My therapist told me I’m “clearly autistic.” I’m in therapy for PTSD and after a few months she told me. I’m 52 and a retired military officer. Oceanography.

Thanks Orion you’ve given an essential content rich presentation on autistic unmasking in this 30min video. I was diagnosed with ASD in my 50’s and only now am I dropping the mask 5 years post diagnosis. It’s really challenging. You’ve raised many pointers I need to think through.

I find it ridiculous that just because a bunch of ppl think unmasking is best, that that's what everyone thinks we should all do. Bully to that rule, do what works for you. If the mask is helpful, erar it. If not, don't.

I have two sons who are probably autistic (hand flapping stimming and other signs are showing). I took several survey's suspecting they got it from me. I'm 35 years old and have been neurodivergent my whole life (periods of depression, anxiety, severe OCD, anhedonia, ADHD - professional diagnoses on these things). I stim with rocking when I'm alone and I have other traits. I keep passing these surveys as showing high signs of autism (I'll probably schedule a professional evaluation). It's kind of a lot to process, to be honest. I guess I'm kind of realizing how much of my life's choices, interests, experiences, and behavior was due to what might be autism. I'm realizing both my dad probably has autism and my reposed grandfather likely did too. It's a lot to wrap my head around...Explains a lot but also, it's hard not to ask questions like, "How much of my life has been usurped by autism?" Nonetheless, I'm thankful for my life, despite the challenges of being neurodivergent.

I feel I have to mask because I have my whole life. I am afraid people won’t accept my authentic me. I am 44 years as diagnosed at 41 at 30 I was misdiagnosed bipolar

In high school, forced into a baptist school so add further stress to mask, I took to wearing all black. I was asked if I was emo, goth, depressed, etc... I was a theater kid. Theater and all has always been a hyperfocus of mine. I dressed in black to be a stage hand. To be invisible. Nail on the head with what it is to mask in that sense. At first it was to fit in... Then it was to fade out.

You content is so valuable and helpful! Thank you. Can you also discuss late diagnosis and when you tell people they call you a liar and how hurtful that can be? Can you help us speak up and provide tips for coping? I think after listening to this podcast, I may not have been the best masker. Thank you.

I was recently diagnosed and only told a few people.. but I have the feeling me talking about autism and talking about me discovering things (for example me crying for obviously no reason is probably a meltdown) makes them feel uncomfortable. So I dont talk to much and go on wearing my mask and dont know what to do because I dont want to freak out the few people who really like me.

I'm studying up to understand the distinctions properly so I can support others better because neurotypical people mask as well and usually also unconsciously. I get that the sensory sensitivies are different. but unmasking to authenticity is a real challenge even for neurotypical people because the physiology is so interconnected with our psychology and because so many apparently 'neurotypical' people have CPTSD which is as much of a challenge to overcome. Let's be realistic, many people will never understand and we cannot expect them to, personally, I've never accused anyone of being discriminatory unless they're a malevolent abuser. Unmasking is really difficult unless you take time out. Love to all going through this process.

I’ve always had overly explosive emotions as a child where if something really bad happened to me like my first break up, I’m going to I guess Best we could talk to say it is a tantrum of confusion and hyperventilating It just feels like my entire world collapsed around me And as I got older, those volatile emotions became more easy to control, and slowly turned into anger so instead of taking out my feelings with crying, I take out my feelings with rage

So I have felt so weird the last few days. Like for a long time a suspected I was adhd because of some of my executive function issues I've noticed I have - even lost a 6 year relationship due to some of my problems with doing basic shit. However, recently stumbled on some autistic channels etc and realized it fits who I am as a person much better. I knew for a while that they are similar and potentially even comorbid. Been a weird deep dive. Kinda just allowing myself rn to feel this understanding I've come to. Trying to make decisions on next steps and how to approach everything going forward. Anyways, the trying to unmask aspect has been kinda crazy for me because I suddenly feel like all the sensitivty stuff is like turned up to 1000% It's really weird like I didn't realize all these things were bothering me as much as they do? I'm allowing myself to stim more at home, which I think is helping me get more done and feel generally better. IDK this has me all sorts of messed up haha. At least now I kinda have an excuse to buy some weighted stuff that I've been so curious about for a long time. almost like my brain was telling me I wanted xyz this whole time but me trying to resist cuz in my head I keep thinking people with think I'm weird and ask me questions if I did that. I'm nervous to even put a label on it with the whole imposter stuff even too. Honestly the main reason I want to get diagnosed professionally would be just get validation from an outside party. I keep having all these oh fuck moments where I remember things from my past that and then going oh jeez ya yup and I totally feel like I'm going through an idenity crisis because a lot of why I do what I do is because others want me to or told me that's my personality. Now I'm kinda just floating here trying to figure out wtf I'm doing and how to have my own personality. feels good to rant into the void about this

OK, here's a topic for an upcoming video. Autism in families and internalized "ableism" that is reciprocal. 1. Genetics are a factor in autism. This means it is likely some or all of one's first degree relatives will be autistic. The autistic person in a family of neurotypical people should be more rare than not. 2. Example: When I tried to share that I'm autistic with my sister and observed that my father was (very obviously) autistic, she pushed back aggressively. Yet I'm the one who was less obviously autistic i.e., better masked, than she is. She has had a hard life, and it seems that holding on to being "normal" is something she will continue to do. 3. My father corrected me and my brothers constantly. I think this was to get me to be able to "succeed". In some ways this stuck. But he was clearly autistic, had frequent meltdowns, etc. He had a more difficult time with my sister, there were many "scenes" that were extreme. 4. These are just two examples out of many where I think there is more forceful "policing" of the other person so they don't appear to be autistic. I'm not blaming either of them, btw. My father did this out of concern. But it is internalized ableism on his part t

Masking has been hell. I didn't even know I was doing it all my life. Growing up in Northwest Florida was not a particularly good place for some autistic or gay, and definitely not both. So many bullies all the time growing up, adults and other kids. Oh, I am half Asian, so yeah, not a great experience at all. Survival or authenticity are definitely mutually exclusive here. Just careful my fellow NDs, masking will in the end make you hate yourself more than other people will. You have to live with yourself, not them. My mask is off now.

How do ya'll deal with people thinking you're on drugs or dumb? I had to get dentures and wow the amount of people calling me a tweaker was nuts, and it happens with them too because of how I'm fidgeting with stuff and moving weird.

"I'll do this to fit in, but don't fit in". Can I unmask even if I have self diagnosed? I am very nervous to share it