Great video. Also try to avoid unrealistic expectations. That can get into a relationship too easily. Unrealistic expectations can ruin a relationship.
It is so amazing that you have done a video on this topic today - me and my best friend were literally talking about this topic last night!!! 💗 we were talking about 'guarding your heart because your life flows from it!' We were talking about making sure you don't build something up in your mind that isn't accurate! - Est X
So glad this came up. Guys I have had just a crush on, I thought way too much into it and made it my whole world. Never ended well and I was broken instead of just disappointed. These tips are helpful for how I need to go about liking someone and not putting up walls but guarding my heart.
Fab video Tiffany. I've been guilty of getting emotionally attached to guys I have a crush on, let alone ones I'm actually dating. After years of struggling with this and seeing friends drop me for their significant others etc. I feel I'm coping ok with the first proper relationship I'm currently in and want to make sure I'm still my own person within the relationship, making time for friends and my hobbies etc. Doing long distance is actually helping with that a bit. The advice in this video is very affirming as its what has been going around my head.
Fiono o that is so cool you’ve been able to find a healthier way of being in this new relationship! (And i definitely relate to getting attached to crushes!😂🙈)
I really like how you distinguish the difference between emotional purity and how it's different than trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. I have fallen guilty of this so many times.
This is great! Me and my boyfriend lost lots of our friends because we became obsessed with each other in the first year. Any time me and him would get into a small fight, it would seem like the end of the world and I’d be devastated. Now me and him see our friends, do our own hobbies sometimes and we also go to church together. Our relationship is much more stable now, and built more on friendship rather than extreme highs and lows. These are all such great tips! Thank you :)
I haven’t watched the full video yet, but I just find it so incredible that you chose to make a video at this timing, because this morning on a Bible app, the daily verse was Proverbs 4:23!! I think God is trying to give me a message😂
While I'm not sure I'd place this as a point of "purity," I think this video is so important. I couldn't put it into words before, but I think I struggle with this a bunch. I'd love more on this!! I'm not sure there's someone in my life I could openly discuss this with and not be defensive
I think this is great advice for guys too! Especially about getting emotional support outside the relationship--too often I have seen guys I know get all their emotional support from their girlfriend then collapse and have a really hard time moving on after a breakup. I know it's not "cool" for guys to talk about their feelings with other guys but they're really crippling themselves by not doing so. But even making sure you have support from a sister or mom is better than putting it all on your girlfriend. I'd be curious to know what your husband did to guard his heart (If it was any different) and how he gets emotional support apart from his wife. I'd also be curious to know if anyone else have noticed that guys tend to have a harder time getting over breakups/staying single for this reason or if it's just the guys in my life! P.S. this video was awesome--I plan to watch it again as needed. Such great reminders put very simply!
TifaTyndal I did have one boyfriend who didn’t seem to ‘move on’ for three or four years after we separated, and it always made me feel really sad for him.....it was a mutual decision to break up, but we had been together for almost five years. I knew in my heart that it wasn’t right, and I believe he did too at the time we broke up, but as time went by, I really pressed into God and held on to His promises for my future (and believe me, it was hard) and sort of......set my sights on what was ahead, even though I didn’t know what that was! But my ex went the other way, and began kind of over-romanticising the relationship, and suddenly he was telling people that I was ‘the one’ who had got away, and how he should have proposed etc......which was so strange to me, because when we were together, he was constantly saying how he didn’t know if it was right, and that he liked this and that girl etc. I did give him A LOT of emotional support throughout the relationship though, so I do think you might be on to something for sure - maybe he missed having that kind of support? I missed it too, but I had definitely been the stronger one in the relationship, and mostly I felt relief over not feeling like I was emotionally carrying another person the whole time. So yes - I do believe that young guys should have an external support system around them even whilst they are in relationships, for sure!! ✌🏻🌟
TifaTyndal Oh yes - he is now happily married, as am I. So much heartbreak could be avoided, if only we knew what was going to happen in the future lol!! 🤔🤷🏻♀️😂🙈
I wonder this too... Like I feel like if me & my bf broke up, I would be sad of course, but I would get over it... But I think he would fall apart, which makes me feel horrible thinking about it. He is a super emotional guy but me & his mum are basically his only support... I've said to him before about branching out & approaching his pastor about problems etc that he's had in the past but he just is so afraid to do so. It upsets me somewhat.
You're so right, Rekaka--this unfortunate culture of guys getting their emotional support only from their significant others puts undue burden on the woman in their lives. It's exhausting and stressful to be someone's only support. I've had guys treat me as such even when we weren't in a relationship because I was their main female friend--it was frustrating. I'm so glad you were able to cling to God's promises for your life and move forward!
That's tough, Carys. I try to advise guys in my life to reach out to other guys as well and it's amazing how much they resist! Like they'll suddenly be less-than in the other guy's eyes because they have problems or feelings. It's so sad that this seems to be the culture!
Thank you so much for this video, Tiffany! I have been subscribing to your channel for a few months now, and I really appreciate your insights. :) I would like to share some things that I do when I find myself daydreaming too much, etc. because it might help others on here! As I catch myself in the middle of a daydream, I ask the Lord to purify my heart, and to remove any desire that does not come from Him. I also find it helpful to say something like "I love you most, God." Or even, "He [whomever I am daydreaming about] is not mine, God, he is yours!" Developing this habit has definitely helped me to curtail my daydreaming. Because it's true that our imaginations can definitely harm us sometimes!
This video defintley helped I haven't dated anyone yet but I am always thinking and I just realized its to soon to be thinking that far ahead so Thank you. P.S. I daydream all the time so your not the only one😂💙
This is such great advice, and would have been super helpful throughout my teen years! Funnily enough my husband and I did not follow even one point of advice/thought that you laid out here; our God-feeling/guts were yelling that we were set to be together from the get-go. However we had had that decent amount of dating experience and hurt before meeting each other to know how best to proceed for us. Another great video Tiffany - excited and prayerful for the arrival of Mini!!
Amazing timing. Just last night, I was talking to mom about my cousin who is/was my best friend. She’s distanced herself from me ever since she started her relationship, and she (in my opinion) is not looking at things realistically. I don’t see anything wrong with considering a future with someone (I’d say it’s wise) but only to an extent. She sees this guy as perfect and almost like a “healer” to her in terms of self esteem, acceptance, and confidence. As for me and my boyfriend of over a year, he has definitely helped me grow in self confidence but I have never looked to him as some sort of savior. I almost feel burdened for her because if things don’t work out between them, or even if they end up together, there will be devastation or disappointment at some point. We need to live life realistically to avoid hurting ourselves and others, and to help keep us grounded.
This is SO good!! Thank you! I definitely look ahead very quickly, so this is helpful! Would love to see more videos on this topic - early stages of a friendship/relationship, conversations to have when you're dating, etc. Love you and can't wait for baby Mini! 💗
Evelina Lemon I’m so glad you enjoyed it! That makes me so happy! I’m not sure if you’ve seen it but I have a video called “Why I Kissed Dating Hello” that talks more on this topic ❤️❤️❤️
This video was literally from God. This was for me. Every single thing you said don't do I DO! And then I would around wondering "Huh, I wonder why that didn't work out?" I literally have been doing everything you said don't do and I'm cracking up right now because God just slapped me in the face. I see clearly now that having emotional boundaries can save you from the same consequences and hurt just as much as physical boundaries. AH thank you so much! God speaks through you!
Thank you so much for this. I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear this.... yesterday 😝. Out of all the dating advice I have received in the Kingdom / Christian advice: this is what I truly needed to hear !!! Again. Thank you so much. I definitely have rushed things.
Can you do a video on when you know it's time to start pursuing relationships again? I have lots of pad experiences and have been trying to avoid them plus I don't want to get distracted with a foundation in trying to build for myself .
Binge watching all your videos .its all so relevant to me now as I date and navigate following up with courtship.am 28 and you are impacting my life all the way in Ghana.
Thanks for the not legalistic video Tiffany! I have been thinking about this alot lately. I grew up in the guard your heart, never even have a one on one relaitionship with someone your not in a relaitionship with. When you do get a crush or something all their words come back to you making you feel guilty for becoming friends with this person in the first place.
I’m so glad I found your channel and watched this video. I was just thinking to myself about putting a wall up the next time I meet a guy I am interested in. The last time I confessed feelings to someone, they completely rejected me and it took me so long to get over it. I had such a bitter feeling in my heart and it’s literally been years since I have taken an interest in anyone because of that experience. Now I understand that I need to ask God to help me be emotionally pure. What a revelation.
Another well articulated, helpful video. I so enjoy these! Can you do a video on how to stop putting walls up in romantic relationships, or even just friendships?
Thank you for explaining all of the topics and ideas covered in this video. I've grown up in an emotionally abusive household and I all have fallen into some of the relationship mistakes you addressed here (as well as in other videos) because I have been so deeply hurt and misguided by my parents and other authority figures. And I never even had an official boyfriend, but I did have an abusive guy friend who was WAY too obsessed with me. Your videos about dating from a Biblical perspective and with the goal of honoring God have been so encouraging and inspiring for me. I think I've been raised with a lot of emphasis on certain types of purity and certain Church ideals that led me to believe that intimate relationships (romantic and sexual) were inherently fraught with danger and not pleasing to God at all unless you do everything exactly right according to standards delineated by other humans trying to interpret and apply Scripture, sometimes incorrectly. Your videos have reminded/revealed to me the sacred, God-honoring design of intimate, human relationships (marriage and otherwise) that God intentionally created to bring Himself glory. That's truly freeing and inspiring, and it motivates me to prepare myself for making new, lifelong friends and also pursuing a future marriage relationship, all with a positive outlook based on God's approval rather than His judgement.
I think the most important thing to do is keep Jesus #1. That’s a reality check like no other. Pursue and chase him, love him, spend time in devotion with Him, serve Him, and let him minister to those areas Of your heart. When Jesus is the first priority, no human will ever be. And this way if the relationship ends, you won’t fall apart bc Christ kept you centered and focused on Him
This advice is great. It definitely applies to guys as well. Us guys always want to keep pushing the relationship further but this can do more harm than good.
I love that clear definition of emotional purity that you gave! Seeing him as your boyfriend, not your husband. That was so helpful and cleared up so much in my mind! I've heard Christians talking about emotional purity before, but with so many varying applications of it that I'm still here, like "Hold on a second! What actually is emotional purity anyway?" So thank you! I'm also really grateful that you pointed out that a certain degree of disappointment is unavoidable, and emotional purity doesn't mean guarding yourself because you're afraid to get hurt. I think I've been wrestling with that fear. Sometimes that line can get very blurred. I do have one question though: you said that you wouldn't recommend talking about marriage early on. If you mean stressing about whether they're your future husband too much, or getting too invested in the relationship to the point where you see marrying them as a fixed end to the relationship, then I think I agree with you on that. There's always an element of uncertainty when you're getting to know a person. But wouldn't you still say that it's wise to ask them early whether they actually want to get married? I'm asking because honestly, I wouldn't want to get involved in a relationship if the guy doesn't see marriage as important or if he would see it as an "eventual" thing, and doesn't have a problem with dating indefinitely (which could probably get dangerous, because the longer you date, the greater the temptation to sin). Thanks!
Oh My goodness! This is exactly what I needed to hear and understand. Tiffany, this video convicted me in my own relationship, and helped me to realize that I've been making some mistakes in terms of how close I'm allowing myself to get to my boyfriend. God bless you and thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences!!!
I haven’t got a boyfriend yet but thanks you so much for sharing these tips ! They seem very fair and might be helpful to me in the future. Keep asking the Lord to work through you, He’s doing a great job with these videos !
Hands down, this is the best conversation I've ever heard about emotional purity, and you said it all in just a few minutes! Loved this, and loved that you didn't make it more complicated than it is.
You spoke so eloquently and this video really came at a time that I needed it!! I’ve decided that I’m ready to start dating (I’m a teen) and with the unhealthy relationships I’ve had (mainly in my family) I’m worried I’m going to fall hard for the first boy I date (which may be happening soon!!). So this video really touched my heart and shared a lot of wisdom that I’m sure I’ll have to look back at and just evaluate where I am and how things are going in that relationship and if I truly am emotionally pure. Thank you!
You are so wise! I love watching your videos and every time I watch it’s always related with something going on in my life. Thank you Tiffany! Please don’t ever stop making video. We need your wisdom in this world!
I am so glad I found your channel, you give such good advice and cover amazing important topics. I am 22 and have been dating my first boyfriend for about 3 months but been friends with him for 7 years, so some of your videos have helped a lot more than other sources I have found.
That closing!! That literally hit me. I've always been wondering why am I such a serious type. U til now idk why. Even though if it has only been 3 days of knowing each other, i take stuff seriously. :< i know being serious is good.. But now.. im starting to think it's a bad thing... Send help, fellahh.
This is a great video... Sadly I wish I'd known this before I started dating. Me & my bf took things so fast when we started, & on reflection, I do feel that I do sometimes see him as my husband... We used to talk incessantly about marriage... Although we don't so much anymore, I feel like we went so far down that rabbit hole that I wonder if there's any hope for redemption in this area.
CarystheHat I definitely relate to what you’re describing. So far down the rabbit hole is such a good description of it. I fully believe there’s always redemption though - I mean even what God has taught you through it and the ways you’ve learned to build a healthy relationship that can help other girls - that’s such a gift!!❤️❤️❤️
I just felt so seen and heard when you said it's easy to even go from i've just met this person to this is my soulmate in the space of a week. Especially when you have so many things in common/ they tick a lot of your personal preferences. This has just happened to me and I'm realising that I have to take things slower if i talk to someone if the future.
@@TiffanyDawn Thank you so much. Glad i'm not the only one. I was starting to think I must be really crazy lol. But now i know to guard my heart better and take things slowly in the future.
Really helpful advice, Tiff! Pretty reassuring for my own relationship, thank you :) Such good thoughts that I completely agree with and hope to continue to stick to throughout my own relationship
Thank you for answering my question!! I just thought of another one- I'm moving to college in a couple of weeks and there has been emphasis put on finding and getting involved in a local church. I'm excited about it, I understand that it's not just about what the church provides but also what I can do, what need I can fill. And I'm all on board but I'm also pretty awkward and anxious in new social situations and I have no idea how to get involved in a church (my parents were never involved so I literally have no idea what that even looks like).
Depending on the area and/or college, there should be congregations that have a campus ministry. Which means the leadership makes a concerted effort to have a campus minister on staff to be a point person with organizing Bible classes, devotionals and other events for college student members. They also have a support system in place. I would do an online search for a congregation in the area you're moving to and you can also ask those at your current church if they know of a church where you're going. I went to high school in Indiana and college in Florida, and was lucky that my cousin worshiped with a church that had a campus ministry. Friends I made during my college years are still my closest friends 26 years later (man, am I really that old!!). I have some great memories of Friday night devotionals, trips to the beach, helping with Hurricane Andrew relief efforts, helping with Vacation Bible School and many others! They even had an "Adopt a Student" program where families, couples and senior citizens could "adopt" a college student for the year. They became your family away from home with perks like home cooked meals and a place to do laundry for free! Such an exciting time for you...all the best!!!
Madison Princinsky oh that’s such a great question!! I’m in the process of making a video that touches on getting involved in a church during college so this will be super helpful as I finish making it!!😍😍
One way to "guard your heart" is to think a little deeper than am I "attracted" to a guy. So you get yourself all worked up over having sex with a guy and you find out he's a jerk. How about find an attractive guy and also seeing what else he has to offer? That sounds like the Christian way to approach it.
So: I agree with most of your points but also acted completely different and wouldnt change that? We talked about marriage the first day (cause we had a weird timing and I became his girlfriend sooner than I wanted but also we didnt see eachother as I was in another country by the time we became a couple for a month and stayed there for two more. Firstly cause both of us wanted a relationship where the end goal if all works out is marriage and we wanted to be intentional, and secondly cause everything was a bit rushed cause I wanted to be sure he wouldnt propose too soon (which I now know he wouldnt but oh well) Also: I spilled a lot of my secrets on day two cause startingy first relationship triggered so much fear and anxiety (not due to him, due to my story) that I was sick for two days and I felt that I owed him an explanation for that behaviour. We are still bf and gf after two years and for us it is clear that god led us through those topics at this early point because we could have this sort of closeness even when we didnt see eachother at all or could hang out.
