[Vinesauce] Joel - The You Testament 

"And Santa grew back his left hand and proceeded to punch Pontius Pilate in the dick."

notice the first thing Jesus did was pull a knife

6:56 "Hey Bulk Bogan, what's your problem? Touch me again and I'll kill you!" Such kindness and words of love from him.

The funniest part is that his games are actually super stable. There’s not really any bugs. He’s just so ambitious with the AI that it becomes chaos.

I do respect how you at least tried to win the game. My daughter and I genuinely downloaded this when she was about 7, and all we ever did was wander about aimlessly whilst giant weird people alternatively tried to kill or hug us. Eventually my daughter (who is far more intelligent than I) said "I think the point of this game is to find Jesus." "Yes, but where is Jesus?" "He's over there, Mum. You just beat him to death with his own cross." "That was Jesus?". So we gave up at that point and made pancakes instead.

OH GOD. THEY DONT BLINK THEIR EYES JUST SINK INTO THEIR HEADS!

Passion of the Christ is a lot different than I remembered it.

I love how the blinking in this is just pulling the eyeballs into the head and moving them back out..

I challenge you to play ALL of the MDickie games. It won't be a long time but it will be a HARD time...

I never thought I would utter the phrase "please stop beating up Jesus with a steel pipe" but I gaming finds new and exciting ways to make the most unlikely scenarios occur.

RIP Bulk Bogan Never Boget :c

7:39 Ah yes, the classic Bible scene where Jesus is stomped to death by Bulk Bogan. That was in the Bible, right? I'm almost positive that I read it somewhere in Sunday School.

"Hug de Jesus" -joel

Literally crying with laughter at the sound of a steel bar repeatedly hitting Jesus Christ, who is on his hands and knees, at the mercy of this polygon abortion horror Bulk Bogan.

That high pitched scream when SANTA got his left hand chopped off lol

18:20 I just fucking love the part where Jesus walks away and Bogan's eyes immidietly sight new prey

This video is 50% joel trying to kill one person.

6:07 this aged perfectly

And the Devil made a mockery of the Lord's greatest creation of man, and placed into him all the vileness of beasts; the ineptitude of the ass, the strength of the ox, and the hatred of the viper. And he was called Bulk, and receiving not the word of GOD, had been created a eunuch clothed as a woman is clothed; and he would do no work nor good deed, but sought only consumption for the vanity of his own strength, and sat in the village center lifting himself by his fingers, tossing the townspeople should they approach, as children skip rocks. Now, it came to be that Bulk found Jesus preaching the WORD OF THE LORD to the people; and as he heard him speak, Bulk felt a stirring within his heart, a dark and seeping hatred felt only by the scions of the Devil; and as the people dispersed and Jesus walked alone, Bulk leapt in malice, having been made for naught but to challenge the Son of Man, so jealous of the strength of the LORD seated within the loins of Jesus that he took up his foot unto the stones of Jesus; but the LORD protected Jesus who bore no bruise nor nutcrack, and Jesus said unto him, "Aye, ye who would raise hand and foot against Me, like the tooth and claw of a hunting beast; Whence come thy vitriol? For the LORD sayeth, Touch Me once and I shalt turn the other cheek. But strike ye that cheek also, and I'll kill you."

12:32 jesus' face! he looks in so much pain... Bulk Bogan's beating was worse than the crucifiction

i am a father at a local church and i can confirm this is actually what happened

Can confirm this is accurate.

After having destroyed the world and lives of his fellow inmates, Bulk Bogan went on to reset the universe to search for the pieces of the lord himself so he may add them to his moosclays. But first he'll have to remove his limbs by force.

“He is Risen” I N T H E W W E S U P E R S L A M

Apparently every person from bible times had the health of a damn Bloodborne boss. Beat a guys asshole in with a hammer 150 times and he still gets up.

You've seen the passion of the Christ, but have you seen... THE BASHING OF THE CHRIST

And thus Bulk Bogan stepped on a man for 50 days and 50 nights, and upon them came the visage of Jesus. Jesus asked of Bulk Bogan to pay tribute to him as Bogan is a sinner.

Jesus is love. Love is blind. Jesus is blind. I don't see anything wrong about this.

"you smell like egg" -Bulk bogan's new testament 4;20

6:07 AMOGUS?!?!!

Jesus: If you touch me again I'll fucking kill you! Joel: Well that's a really popular quote said by jesus in the bible! This made me cry, no jokes!

ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY BULK BOGAN.

I think Bulk Bogan has the power to kill people, take their muscles, and apply them to himself to increase his own physical strength

Bogan, 6:9 "And lo did Bogan look upon his swole mooskles, and he saw it was good."

I just realized that, instead of rigging the models to have eyelids, Matt Dickie just moves the eyes farther into the head until they clip entirely. Makes the eyelids look like they work like sphincters

6:05 First Documented Joel "sus" incident.

The signature weapon of Holy Swedish Santa Jesus, the holy mind brick. Joel you're a saint for bringing these weird ass games to us.

the way they blink makes me uncomfortable

i can't decide whether those faces are horrifying or fucking adorable

I really didn't think it could get more insane than hard time I'm just at a loss for words

6:07 6 Years ago and i can hear it now

6:07 holy shit

why the fuck did I expect by sorting comments by new

People just start fighting with each other, random hugging, health bar going down for no apparent reason, and dialog lines straight from "Old Timmy's unofficial Bible translation who want a better version"..., someone had a lot of fun making this game.

Guys, it's not "The Bible", it's the BIBBLE.

6:07 oh @#$*& bulk bogan prediction.

Yes, Bulk Bogan is 69 years old.

*Ｓｈｏｗ Ｍｅ Ｔｈｅ Ｍｏｏｏｏｏｏｓｃｌｅｓｓ！！！*

This isn't based on the Bible, but the Bibel.

6:06 god fucking damn it Joel

6:08 AMOGUS PREDICTED

6:06 😳

''Bootleg Jesus''

So that's why Jesus never had any children.

I can't even begin to imagine how many Christians you pissed the fuck off.

6:07

6:07 i will go feral

43:49 Spells list: Bread Muscular Arm England Redo EYE Brown Concerned Black Guy People Guard and People Trees Clock Water Rectangular Rocks Hills Topaz Heart Watch Bald Guy Magnet AC DC

6:05 What just happened here?, Bogan pls don't...

33:23 "you cant touch me i'm the master" *proceeds to get kicked in the face*

there is no way he said this in 2015: 6:06

6:05 JeSUS

When they blink, their eyes recede into their face.

6:06 sus

mdickie is my new favorite game dev. i love this and hard time, joel knows how to have fun!

OUR GOOOD IS AN AWESOME GOOOD! HE REEEIGNS, FROM HEAVEN ABOVE!

My favourite part of the bible was when bulk bogan beat up Jesus.

6:00 ඞ

I'm very happy with the lack of hostile/hate comments, both toward and from religous people.

6:07 a m o n g u s

amogus predicted

47:21 THAT FUCKING SCREAM MY GOD

O YEIS RECIEVE TEH BLESING OF TEH NUTCRACK

vinesauce is a family stream.

This reminds me of bible camp where I learned my favourite passage. When Jesus came back to earth Bulk Bolgan curb stomped his ass before sending him back to heaven by carving a pentagram into him chest and ripping out his heart. Then Bulk Bolgan circumcised his dead body

I want Hug Hogan for Smash!!

6:05 amongus

13:00 That staredown between Bulk and Jesus though.

6:07 oh no

it's so much worse when you realize they don't actually blink. Their eyes just clip back and forth through the front of their face.

How did Joel do a perfect “among us” in 2015?

6:07 OH MY FUCKING

Fuck, the Bogan lore goes deep... All the days back to the age of Christ? Jesus, that blood line is strong!

As a Christian I must say, God bless this fucking game and bless uncle Jobel

I lost it "smells like Egg"

Bulk Bogan grew 9 inches across roughly 2000 years, that's true character development.

6:07 SUS SUS SUS ALERT SUS SUS

imagine if this were Mohammed, Joel would be dead by now

6:07 HOLY SHIT

is nobody talking about that he was the first person to make an among us meme at 6:07

5Years ago.... Every year i come back here... I am not able anymore to have a good christmas/hollydays without Jesus Joel in my life. I feel blessed every time.

6:05 Joel almost said amogus help help get out of my head

Bulk Bogan looks uncannily similar to Christian Weston Chandler, I mean the badly shaven beard, the male bra, the balding, the long blonde dyed hair and the aggresive behaviour

So if that on the right isn't Jesus's health bar is it some kind of Heresy meter you've managed to crank to the max?

6:06 Bogan predicts amogus

6:07 what the fuck

6:07 *a m o g u s*

Who needs Breath of the Wild when you can climb mountains in this game!

an average christian would be offended im not your average christian

As someone that suffers from insomnia I am greatful for the soothing sounds of vinesauce streamer's voices. Thanks Joel. You're a homie and a half, and you've put me to bed more times than I can count.