WATCH OUT! What to expect in a break up with a narcissist 

😂 true indeed.

Exactly! I have been struggling for years. After decades of abuse, it's going to take time for me to heal.

thank you for you're empowering words really touch me !!!!

Indeed! 💯 percent! It is hard but when you come out if the woods you will be stronger for it

Face first flat on the ground. It's the slowest, longest drawn out process depending on their level of protest, retaliation, manipulation. And for a man who acted slower than a sloth in all 35 years of marriage, Never graduated from Mayberry RFD or This Old House, although he never picked up a tool to attempt a project. While I grew spiritually and intellectually (I tried hard!) He grew more stagnant than nasty swamp land. I have been at this process since 8.28.21 #GabbyPetitoSavedMe 💜 Once his final switch was flipped, he came at me like rapid fire. His little toy cap gun became a machine gun in comparison. He knows my weak points and threw them at me ALL AT ONCE. Buried me in paper work, banking issues, using my deposits for bills, but failed to include this fact on his affidavit in court. Left off one of his income sources, oh I forgoooot. Dumb ass. He's so much worse than a POS 💩 As soon as court proceedings are done I will close that final email I keep active to get through the house sale and court crap. That's our only contact. And so many boundaries in place before that. You CANNOT BE A FRIEND IN THE END. AFTER A 35 year marriage, life w/o him is traumatic when he is your worst ENEMY mostly, but can also comfort you more than anyone. DON'T LET THAT GET YOU TO REACH OUT. IT NEVER GOES NICELY, no matter how hard you try to work with their traits, the lies are more than anyone deserves. Never taught or learned self love/care, abused at home starting at 15 the years continued til 17, got married entirely too young, he wandered too far. Then comes the one in a uniform walking his doberman after work. I watched everyday, eventually we were together over 40 years, married for 35, future faked the entire time. Gaslit, just totally disgusted at his total disregard for the marriage vows, but, oh, I don't believe in YOUR God, I've got my own beliefs, he sits ABOVE GOD. They are a bold breed!

I suggest watching Ram Das. He’s not a doctor or anything, but the lectures he has online have shifted my perspective and sparked some great insights for me while going through the first initial, unbearable months after my breakup.

This is exactly how it feels. It’s the hardest part for me too. My mind can’t process that the person I loved wasn’t real. So I miss a concept, a mask, not a person. It’s devastating.

Hope by now you are doing better… 🙏 I am just trying to get my guts up… I get the grieving thing your post got my attention.

Transform this love for all people around you! Thanks to Dr. Ramani, many minds are waking up to the harsh realities of the extent that human minds can go. But for the survivors, this realisation should not just stop at coming out and having regrets, but transforming the love we had for such people to spread around our surroundings. Dr. Ramani can or may be she has already, do a video on how to cope after coming out of narcissistic relationships. Ways to heal. Her way of talking itself gives a lot of hope! 🙏🏼

I'm going through a breakup after spending 8 years married to a narcissist. What hurts the most is that over those years, there were so many red flags and times where I felt like I was at the end of my tether, but I never left. I think the hard part is that the good times were really good and the bad times were really bad, but we hold onto those few good times and tell ourselves that if the narcissist was always like that, everything would be so perfect.

Definitely

Yes

Completely agree. It’s horrific.

Please talk to a counselor or friend. You need a new sounding board, to recalibrate yourself after their damage. Blessings to you. In the mean time, keep watching Ramanis videos!! You've got this!

It is so stressful!

Oooooo, I love that: “follow the peace”. Yes!

That is the whole truth right there

Anen

💯

Amen… It’s totally sucks that there’s no closure and there’s no way to win in this losing game.

Im so happy you got out

@@angelascarborough6505 🙏🏻🤗

❤

How did you get past the pain of rhe heartbreak

Beautiful said! I agree! Dr. Ramani is amazing!

That’s powerful! Well said

Yes another level spoken here ! Yes agree

That's how I felt, I said to her you start arguments over nothing and that she brings out the worst in me,

Yes this resonates with me.

Well said "me too"

Agreed! When the only person you want comfort from is the one who hurt you in the first place - that just messes up my entire being.

I left my Nac ex after 4.5 years abuse ,I have my personal stuff in his house .I asked him to ship back to me ,which he promised would do ,but eventually he did not.he blocked me everywhere ,so I can not talk to him to discuss about the shipment . So I send him emails telling him that I want peacefully end this relationship and move on ,if he can not ship back my stuff now ,tell me about his plan and date I will accept,but he kept ignoring . I send a lot of mails ,I was so angry that he could bully me in this way,cause we are not in same country ,I can not call the police or find a lawyer to help me . The only thing I can do is contact his colleagues or family to help . Does it make me narcissist? I don’t want get back to him . He blcoked me everywhere ,and show up anytime he wants to talk and block again when he does not want . He said he need me confirm the shipment information ,that’s why he did not ship . But I send him mail already ,he said it was too many mails that he wont read and then block me again . I am soooo angry and feel powerless ,I don’t want to contact his company ,but I feel like I have no other option than doing it .he is using this shipment playing and insulting me .

I gave told my narc to move out, now says he's hurt his back! Told him 11 days ago to leave. When do I get on at him to go? Needing help

@@debbiealden5515are you ok?

So true...Im finally free and not looking back

Amen, WC.....

I cry a lot too and I’m lost too I know this doesn’t mean much there just words but I hope you feel better and that you know that your a good person and stronger than most people Thank you for your comment it means a lot to know I’m not alone in these feelings God bless you or may the universe bless you with happiness❤️

@@aliceroberts1980 I really appreciate you writing me back. It means a lot to me. I think the more we talk to each other the better we can move forward. But I do miss having friends to be around. I feel so isolated. And he’s constantly going back-and-forth and emotion. He’s just not stable typical narcissist. I hope that you will be strong and then we can all be strong together. I think this is the only way we can overcome it. Blessings.

Lost my way... thats the part which hurts most... we are separated now for 2 years and still fight divorce. I have a new girlfriend - and its so different in so many ways... I lost my way... and started to dream somebody elses dream until he destroyed me.... But I feel this being-me moments get more frequent... if you survived such relationship you are a strong person with strong personality... every bit of yourself you reclaim will be a weapon of defense and you will never end up in such situation.

Oh I hear you!! I left a door open for transparent honesty at all times. He was so angered by this because he didn't want to say what his true feelings were or what he was planning unbeknownst to me. He wanted it in secret. Yet, It was all happening under my nose. I can't believe I let another narcissist into my inner circle. I feel terribly stupid about it, and sad.

I agree. As hard as it is. I feel bad for the next person. I damn sure don't envy them. If he heals and become non-narcissitic, God bless them both. Freedom and peace of mind is worth not being with them.

How did you do that? Make them break up with you instead of you breaking up with them?

@@TheDonnahae it's confusing. I stayed with my narc ex because they threatened to kill themself if I would leave them. They also pulled the "flying monkeys" with my friends with lies like what Dr. R said. I realized those were toxic friends too. I finally got the ghosting era of most narcs and called them out for it! They said "lose my number, I'm blocking you too!" They won their battle, but I assure you that I'm healing and they are unhappy about everything.

How did you get them to leave you? That would definitely be safer after 25 years of abuse.

So so so so right. I’m feeling safe doing that too

👍❤️🦋😢

46+16=62 😢

​@@loves_all_races where's the 16 from? Or do you mean 6?

I’ve been married to mine 45, going on 46, years. Trying to plan my escape.

​@@lindab926 ill be your exit plan. Lol

Going through this now very scary

Maybe it's because you are the Narcissist

I’m a month into this phase.

I’m going through this right now :(

Me too, it's been a month since i blocked him all over the social media eventhough he finds a way to reach me out. But we have to be firm and stand our ground that enough is enough. We have the right live a normal life. Everyday of narc free day is a progress. Godspeed

The only time u can win in these relationships is to not have the relationship anymore. The only win possible is to leave and best revenge is to have a great life.

@@PoliticalWonderland yes ma'am.. just glow up ! That's the win.

Knowing the reality of the fall out kept me in cement. 10 years. He had a side piece the whole time and I ignored it. I had so much shame. Thankfully he left me. But it’s no picnic.

I think hope is the last thing to die in these relationships. I was addicted to hopium and the happy ever after. The only takeaway is you see how truly damaged they are and there is no hope of happiness for them.

This is my husband a 100% his whole family are sociopaths or narcissists same thing I guess right now what you just wrote is exactly when I am living

Seriously the ink dried on the marriage certificate. Hours later it began. Four years of being able to conceal the real personality. It was transactional.

I had to double check to make sure I wasn’t the one who wrote this….I can see now that stbx has always hated me and blamed me for his horrible childhood.

This was my husband as well, exactly. He had me questioning my own sanity. Once I learned about narcissism, everything became clear. I can now see his patterns & manipulations and I know how to respond to them. We've been separated now for 4 months and I will be filing for divorce. He is still trying to exert control over me because we have a child together & he's still trying to get access to me. He was happy as hell when I first moved out, for a full 2 weeks he was nice as pie. Then, he had the nerve to ask for a key to my apt. Mind you, he's never been there, nor do I plan on inviting him. Anyway, I said "No. Why do you want a key?" He actually said, "So that we can have s**." Uh, no Sir. Not gonna happen- ever again. I don't understand how he could fix his mouth to even say that. The dust & entitlement is really strong with this one. Anyway, I fully expect things to get worse before they get better. I refuse to allow him to interrupt my peace. I have been firm on my boundaries & won't let up at all. My kids are happy & thriving. I enjoy my peace & am just happy to be breathing without his toxicity. Now, I need to protect our son. I aim on doing just that. Lesson learned- I will always follow my instincts.

This is my story to a T. I am getting out now. I am also lerning as much as I can to not make the same mistake ever again, see and act up on the red flags!

Mine dumped me and he came back n found out he was doing some sneaky things with another girl so I dumped him litreally today 😂

That's where I am now. I've only just accepted tonight that he is a narcissist.

I cannot express how accurate this is.. it is EXACTLY what I am going through.. it’s utterly disgusting

It took you everything to leave. It's like betraying your own skin. I'm going to have to do the same soon. You are a inspiration to me. Thank you man.

I can understand your situation considering I went through the same thing. All she said was "Okay" to me saying we should stop seeing each other. That's when I knew she already had someone else in her backup supply.

The worst should have happened after the breakup. If she left your life your lucky. If you were dealing with a "real" one then you are dealing with a bunch of sj** right now.

You have to be one step ahead of them when I realised what I was dealing with I went grey rock thanks to Dr Ramani and he tried every trick in the book to engage and make a row throwing out extremely unfair and false statements I held firm and replied I’m sorry you feel that way or you are entitled to your feeling but I remember it differently but let’s not argue, or simply yeh I understand or ok lol it drove him nuts and he got more and more mean and his true self could be seen more and more as it went on, eventually he ended a long marriage via voicemail my son rang to say bye because he wanted to and he was laughing laughing it was very bizarre he kept saying sorry to him and laughing like a hyena my son was nine 🙄 and that was that he thought that it was demeaning to do that and he thought he had the last laugh but he didn’t I set it up and I wanted the discard because I had studied and knew that was the easiest way to get rid of him for good after years and years of the same toxic cycle of abuse.

Yes yes yes. I just experienced exactly this

I went thru this Wednesday now I used that for no contact now this malignant poodle turd is stalking but I'm going be fine no going BAC to abuse that bald head dog can drag me on FB IG ion care I don't see it I'm out that mess he need to go on with his flocc of bald headed pigeons

It’s tough but as long as you can finally get away and heal. Sometimes, you need the narcissist to dump you because most times if they don’t you’ll still be in that miserable relationship with them. It’s really hard to leave a narcissist idk why it is😮‍💨 Them leaving you can sometimes be an eye opening for some.

Or they get caught in their lies and then tell you we was not together or we ain't together we be so blind sided and confused it hurts like hell and they leave come back leave come back and evertime they do it we fall right back in and it repeats it's self but there is a God

you're going to have that who cares what they think they are nobody

Congrats

@@FOELONGLIVEMydawgs thanks, so crazy thats its already been half a year

yes, ghey ops and doxxing. its real.

Wow, how did it turn out after calling the police?

@@kuunami I got a restraining order, he was arrested and went to court. He's a coward, so that scared him, he never thought I would do that.

@@snn2913 He sent me link, I went no contact, he said he would take it down if I talked to him, I talked to the police instead.

Jesus, even with CnC play, you still make plans FIRST not just randomly break into a home lol. The people that respond to ads like that without 1st making contact and planning need to be locked up too because they have no sense.

❤

So true

That happened to me! I had never been pregnant before, then finally at 37 years old I got pregnant! I was so happy and so excited. Unfortunately after 13 weeks I had an incredibly painful miscarriage that cause way more pain and mental anguish then I ever thought it would. I still cry when I think about it and that happened 3 years ago. Guess what he did? He pretended like he cared when I called him on the phone from the hospital and then… Crickets. He didn’t even stop by to see me for 3 whole weeks. I went through the entire miscarriage and the entire recovery process all by myself and had no idea why he wouldn’t want to be there for. After all it was OUR baby. It wasn’t even on his radar. He couldn’t of cared less. I’m sure he was relieved and happy I lost the baby because he needs to always be number 1. Having a baby would of made him number 2 and there’s no way he could deal with that. I’m happy to say I just ended things and went no contact this week after 4 whole years together (this past Thursday was our 4 year anniversary). I even blocked his number. Since then he has showed up at my house 4 times (I only blocked him yesterday morning), keeps creating new online phone numbers to call me on since I keep blocking each new one he tries, then he comes back and bangs on my front door and then comes to the back of my apartment and bangs on my bedroom window. I can’t even walk my dog right now because I don’t know when he’ll come back and I don’t want to be cornered and forced into a conversation with him. Gotta be honest, I’m a little scared about what comes next. Now that he can’t just walk in the door (I had the locks changed on Tuesday of this week) and he can’t reach me by phone or text, even on these extra burner numbers he’s coming up with, he is REALLY freaking out. It’s scary when you don’t know what they are capable of… Please wish me luck and safety getting through this.

@@LoLoKelzI was so sorry reading your comment. Sending you all the luck and most importantly your safety 🙏

Or even try the best they can to alienate your kids from you. Or even take the kids away from you. I’m dealing with the same. And never could I ever thought that it could go on even years after I left!

@@aliyafichtner8843 same.

Even if u don't have kids w them, they weasel in with your parents, siblings, friends .. to become so entwined, u can't break free...like the human equivalent of poison ivy. .

THIS!!!!!! Going on 8 years with my husband’s narcissist ex!

Ya know. . . It's an old Massaginist view that women trap men with a pregnancy. My situation in 1995, married 8 years, and i was talked into having a family by my daughter's father. At the time, we were doing well , but he was beginning an affair, I questioned him about the affair and he denied it, continued it throughout the pregnancy and left 9 days after she was born. When I asked him "why in the world did you want us to have a child?" I would have Gladly given him a divorce and sent him on his merry way, his response, yall sit down for this. . . " I knew I was leaving, and I didn't want you to be alone."

Yes. The yearning for justice will never be satisfied

P.S. The last time he did speak to me he was INCREDIBLY insensitive & when he tried to connect after that he acted like nothing ever happened.

Blessings to you...peace!

I relate to this exactly. I just had a narcissistic life coach for narcissistic abuse!!

Yeah, this is my life

Oh wow, this is me. You are definitely not alone. ❤

I feel EXACTLY like you do about it!!! That’s partly why i haven’t had a relationship in 20 years!!

U r OK U have a sense of Self and introspection Normal isn’t a specific thing. I’m crazy as H but I’m normalish… I learned one thing from my narc mom….No one is going to love you as much as you….no one can.

My sons father did the same exact crap. Went through my FB and started sending messages to all of my out of state family. How embarrassing whether the crap he was saying was true or not just him doing that alone is embarrassing!

Wow you waited 5 years!? I’m assuming there were prob kids involved too. How did you heal while still w him? Want that hard

@@helen9412 I didn’t live with him during the five years but had contact with him in the beginning. I had severe PTSD from the abuse but didn’t really know it at first. Little by little I realized the truth of our relationship. To be honest I had never heard of narcissistic behavior. He definitely follows the path of a covert narcissist. He was riddled with depression and always blaming me for it. Those of us who have lived through this know how this goes. After one terrible night of hell I made my plans to get out. my counselor advised me, if possible, to let him end the relationship. He finally did in October 2022. The divorce will be final in February 2023. I’m praying he doesn’t change his mind or try to Hoover me back. He’s been quiet except to text my daughter but, so far that’s it. This has been a harrowing experience. But, I have such peace now. I get up everyday looking forward to my day. One day at a time. ❤️

@@melissasue4257 good for you! I know that had to be and still is difficult, but I’m happy you now have peace. These definitely aren’t normal people. Mine has bad depression too and ptsd. I’ll be good when i get to other side where you are. Thanks for responding wish you the best

@@helen9412 thank you! Wishing you the best too.

Your situation gives me hope. This is after 40 plus years of marriage. I am listening to Dr Ramani and a couple of others, reading comments and trying to plan for my “escape to freedom”. I had no idea he was a narcissist as I had never looked into it until recently. I am creating my plan, but it is costly for counseling and attorney, and will take time, so I understand the 5 year wait. I feel like I am in my own prison. He is covert/passive aggressive and at times I feel like I am the narcissist. More so because of my explosive anger that has twice reared it’s ugly head in the past few months. I won’t allow that to happen again. Working on “grey rocking” as it seems to help. I am so very tired and mentally/physically drained. I stayed because of family and always convinced myself “It’s not so bad, he doesn’t ever physically abuse me so it’s better to keep the family together.” and so, I kept going. Now I am just a shell of who I was. Thank you Doctor Ramani and everyone who posts here. Have a blessed day. Stay safe.❤

@aLison, I am so sorry that you went through such awful violence, I totally agree that when your exit plan is taking place , above all else & especially if you have previously experienced violence , that you exit very safely/ seek out outreach workers from shelters to accompany you leaving/accompany you to Court, stay safe everyone So glad you have found happiness , freedom & joy in your peaceful, happy home It's the very least that you deserve Wishing you many blessings Thank you Dr.Ramini for your excellent video

@@maevebutler4641 … thank you for your kind words! Although it was an incredibly awful experience to have endured, I learned a lot from it and it has actually helped me in establishing boundaries with any and all people in my life.

Wow. Thank you. My ex is smart enough not to hit me. Had me on the floor pregnant once, and later tried to convince me that the baby had been born and was in the swing. He threatened to put a buck in my head on a call right after he had left my home being so kind (Dr. Jekyll). Thankfully, I had my cousin on the phone call as well, and she was 😳. God told me to be still, so I didn't provoke him by filling a restraining order. I consulted with more than one attorney to hear their advice and learn my options, and I was still like God told me. I honestly think my ex is scared as shit to see me in a courtroom because of something else he did and his lifestyle. One day at a time had helped me stir clear from him.

I don’t know you, but i love you. I am in the process of leaving my violent abuser right now. Your story gives me strength. Thank you. Sending you love 💕.

@@mysticallymary sigh, this is what my xhusband did too.

What astonishes me is that people talk in the plural.

I am literally sitting here weeping having read your comment 😭 It's as though you have written the story of my 27 year marriage and described the unbearable pain of having endured the suffering inflicted on myself and my children. It took me 27 years and it was my adult children who forced me to choose between him or them. And I never thought I could be strong enough to take that step and I was terrified. Two years ago, after another verbally abusive situation where I physically felt I would die if I continued living with him, I finally called the police for help. It has been the hardest time of my life since I was able to get Non-molestation and Occupation Orders against him and I completely blocked him in every way from my life so that my judgement would not be clouded by his contact to try and enter my life one way or another. Unbeknownst to me, my daughter had been accumulating video recordings of his violent outbursts and foul language towards me for years with a view to document his behaviour to explain why she had stabbed him - that is how miserable my children had been 😔 I am fighting to survive every single day because I am fighting against him about everything but when I feel like I can't carry on, I watch those videos and I'm quickly pulled back to reality and am outraged that I allowed someone to treat me and my children in this way. Trust me, I've been through every emotion Dr Ramani describes and there are times when I think I will give up but eventually I get through that and then move onto the next emotion. I am struggling with my health, financially and emotionally and have sometimes wondered what it was all for but honestly, when I lie in bed at night I ask myself how long I would have survived if the cycle had continued. Then I am thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to breathe again. My dearest sister, I wish I could come and take you away from all the fear snd hurt. You will one day find the strength when you least expect it and you will have enough of being disrespected and you will know you need to take that step. I am always here if you need someone to talk to ❤️

Thank you so much Afshan❤your reply as well brought tears streaming down my face. I'm so sorry for your long road of hell too. It's just so hard to believe that someone can be so cruel and harsh and not care what it does to you. Knowing the love that you have and still don't want them to hurt or suffer at your hands but learning that ur just a piece of property is almost unbearable 😣 ...I'm worried it's not worth getting out as I have a brand new baby to share which will devastate me to part frm for any length of time. He does not physically abuse me anymore, that stopped four years ago right before I got pregnant with our toddler, but the rages, and temper, and volatile language and games hv left me cold towards him but in his absence I feel lost, alone, and just wanting him back. I do love him, I hv a huge compassionate heart and just want my family complete and hv a good life together ❤ I don't know what the future holds but I will tread the water enuf to keep my head above. I will pray for you and hope you find happiness and health and thank you so much for your comment❤

Jesus does not want for you or your children to live in the abuse and oppression of a demonic narcissist. Reach out to your church leadership and congregation immediately. They will help you summon the courage and hope that Christ has put in your heart. - Michael, Your Brother In Christ

it's one of those things. Just take it easy, you will be fine.

That last sentence is the hardest thing for me to accept. How I thought we had a genuine love connection all these years. to accept.

You are so spot on! I also think it is harder to to left by one. I left mine but got hoovered back in. I came back thinking it was my fault and that she was right(even thou I left her because I knew she was a narc) when I came back that was a mistake. I knew it but I couldn't leave. she had me. The part where you said one day they have a new list of complaints many which are confusing an incorrect(is so true) Now she left me for her coworker and I was still hopping for her to come back to me. She left my mind spinning(as you said) trying to understand what it was I did so wrong. Why the things I did before meant nothing now

I recently went through this unaware that he’s a narcissist. I remember being so confused when he broke up with me out of nowhere and blamed me for pushing him to make that decision. I felt guilty and ashamed but these videos have helped me identify so many things that happened during my relationship for which I kept blaming myself. I’m grateful that I found this information and also that I got out of that toxic relationship before more damage was done. I’m in my healing process right now and it’s a bumpy road but I know I’ll come out stronger and smarter after this experience.

Your testimony is spot on. I think only those who have been through it understand. Godspeed.

These creatures are possessed by demons. Normal healthy human beings are not heartless in the way these creatures are. C’mon… a creature who possesses a personality disorder that goes in cycles with the sole purpose to hurt others and leave a trail of destruction behind. That’s a demon. If they left, consider yourself blessed. I feel for the unsuspecting new supply thinking they met someone special. I was once that manipulated person thinking I finally met my Prince. I’m still in shock that I came across a demon. It’s unbelievable how hateful they are. I’ve never seen hate so close to me.

Thank u. Going through it now 💜💔

I'm doing the same right now. At least you can know you're not alone.

❤❤❤❤❤

I am SO SORRY this happened to you! I can sincerely empathize. I kept some of my son's ashes in a sandwich bag for a few months because I felt my ex would somehow prevent me from having them upon our divorce. Today those ashes are all I have of him. My ex even went as far as to "discard" my son's handprints/footprints & baby clothes. (my son died as a newborn) There are honestly no words to describe the heinousness of these behaviors and the people who freely exhibit them.

@@MissMe1111 sending you love, light and healing as well..please know you aren’t alone. We belong to some clubs we never signed up for / Bereaved mom and survivor of so much more. The dues are too high and no perks to the membership, other than learning to love ourselves again, and to keep moving forward. 🫶

@@caraelsenoldenburg8848 ❤ Very True. Thank you

My family “ruined me” in my hometown so I moved to a new state. They can’t “ruin me” here as they don’t know where I live & they don’t know anyone I know now. Hopefully this helps!

@@rogue6344 I had this happen to me. First my family. Then a roommate. Then a personal relationship. The relief I felt when I was inaccessible was incredible.

If they are the malignant kind thier motto Is " if I can't have you no one can"

My ex was too. Looking back, the mind games really mess with you.

My god... That last line💔

Be blessed, BEAUTIFUL soul💛!!!! I pray your journey is brighter these days. Your story is heartbreaking, but just remember that our GOD is BIGGER, GREATER, and STRONGER than that circumstance!!!! Be encouraged as your transparency encourages others to heal. I pray GOD heals your heart and the hidden broken places within your being. You are resilient and battle tested. You are wiser and stronger than you know.