We Moved Across The Country For Work And I Hate It! 

Get out of your house, make friends, get a job, get a dog, go to church, take courses online, exercise, volunteer, etc. YOU absolutely have to make the effort. No one will do this for you. I've been there many times.

Women complaining about this while their husband's are working always gets me. She's complaining about about having nothing to do all day. Get a job or something.

When my son asked me if he should moved because of a job, I told him sometimes you have to go where the money is.

I moved from Mississippi to Butte, Montana. It was a huge transition that was not ideal at the beginning. We've been here four years and are *just* now feeling connected, mainly because we found a great church and became stable in our jobs. Now we are looking to buy a house here. I will say too that Montana has one of the highest, if not the highest, depression and suicide rates in the country. The seasons and long winters really do get to you - get outdoors (even in the winter! skiing, snowshoeing, etc) as much as you can. Take a vitamin D supplement.

Same here, we moved to TN from Boston and we ain’t going back. Love it here!!!

Isolation is a terrible feeling. Dr. Jon nailed this one. I had a similar experience moving from my rural hometown to urban college setting. Say yes to people and once you form a community anywhere can be home.

I’m from Texas and moved to Havre Montana. First year was rough. I never experienced such a hard winter. I’m a little more acclimated now and seasonal depression is real. Luckily I have made great friends and now I can see myself living here forever. It’s crazy how just two years ago I wanted out!

My cousin was married to an Air Force soldier for 12 yrs. Every single place they move to she hated. She was a total California girl and missed family too much. She made him get out of the service because she hated the travel and then a year later she divorced him. Not everyone is cut out to relocate. A lot of people can’t get out of their comfort zone, need familiarity and are miserable if they’re not in the city/area they grew up in.

Another person who thinks “being sad” is the same as mental health. Even it’s the right decision long term there’s always going to be a transition.

"Isolated and don't like the winter weather." Chose to move to Montana 🤦‍♂ Do people not research where they plan on moving to?

You moved to Billings MT, what do you expect? People don't think before they move thousands of miles away.

Moves take a minimum of two years to adjust to. Give yourself at least two years before you throw in the towel. HINT: it’s not the outside that’s bothering you, time to look within.

I sympathize with her. I moved for my husband's job to Colorado and a year later to Texas where we currently are. We moved during the pandemic but he gave the perfect advice to not isolate yourself and to branch out and make friends. Even if you move it will make the time that you're there more enjoyable.

This is why I watch this show. You guys help change perspectives for the good.

Sounds like somebody should’ve investigated the winters and the location before they moved. It’s not all about money. That’s what I learned when I moved to Bethel Alaska from Michigan.

Dr. John was very compassionate regarding Kayla's feelings and predicament. Missing home, family, friends and familiarity is very real. Some people can adjust quicker than others. Some need more time and others are just not vibing with the new change - AND THAT IS OK. I like how Dr. John didn't dismiss her feelings or made her feel like she failed, complete opposite. Kayla and her husband made a huge change by moving away from their comfort zone which takes a big step already (so kudos to you!) and now doesn't like it. That's ok! Try living there a few more months with a shifted mentality and see how that goes. And if you really don't like it apply to go back to your home town. But at least you tried and experienced something new! Don't let that new experience drag you down. Make it a growing and learning experience. :)

Kayla is experiencing culture shock. She's moved from her home to a new place that's completely different than what she's used to. If she can figure out how to get through the culture shock, she should be fine. Good luck, Kayla!

I grew up in a state and moved in my early 20's with a toddler and baby to SC. The weather was such a shock, we were called yankees and the southern culture felt like another world. We plugged into a church and got very involved. It took about a year, but I grew to really enjoy the location. You have to make yourself meet people and make friends.

Great advice! I needed to hear this because I just moved from TX to SC and I miss my family/friends. I hope to find a church here that I can connect with soon! Thank you!

Really good advice here! I moved to LA from Colorado. Miss my family a lot. Nice to hear that this is normal and great advice to make some changes and try something new.

So no one asks how the husband feels? I guess his feelings don’t count. Princess probably approved this move and now wants to go back

In my case, I moved to dramatically different areas of the US for college and grad schoool. I hated being away from my hometown, but looking back, it was something I needed to do and I grew from it. It allowed me to reach my career goals.When is was all over, I moved back home.

Surprised to see the negativity towards Montana in these comments. It’s clearly not for everyone but it’s a nice place.

Great advice!! The minute she said she was from Tennessee, I knew why she missed it. We LOVE Tennessee.

I retired from my state job in Santa Cruz Ca. A few weeks later my landlord said she was gonna double my rent. So I went on line and bought a home in Texas sight unseen $23k. Moved to Tx. Hate it here. But I now have No debt. No rent. No mortgage. So I love it here

If a wife doesn't feel like her husband is "family" then the marriage is not long for this world. 💁

Way too many people moving to MT, don't discourage them from leaving.

I've gotta say, I live in Billings MT. We do get all four seasons, we just get them about every other week xD I've always loved it, lol.

It takes a while to make new friends and connections when ever you move.

Some people are always unhappy.

Immerse yourself into where you are! You have not given it long enough. It takes a long time to develop friendships . Don’t live in the past

I moved 600 miles away from my family, friends, and hometown almost exactly one year ago, knowing no one in my new town. Of course, there were things that I didn't love about my new surroundings, but I chose not to focus on them. Every time a negative thought would come into my head, or I'd make a negative comparison, I'd start to list reasons why I loved my new place. I also did what John talked about with forcing myself to go places and be a part of groups. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't gone to church and participated in outreach groups. I'm not saying I'm perfect -- just trying to give ideas to someone who might be going through the same thing.

I moved to a new place but I made the effort. Joined an adult ice hockey team, community strings orchestra, local crossfit gym, made a huge garden and took advantage of outdoor activities. There's no excuse for loneliness, boredom, etc. It's called effort and becoming a grinder. Get plugged in and you will find people that you connect with. Eventually things will fall into place but sacrifice is needed girlfriend. Things don't magically fall from the skies without effort.

Get involved with your church, find social groups that you have common interests or hobbies with

This call came at the right time. We made the decision to leave the county that we grew up in and began raising our kids in but affordability is ridiculous. We bought somewhere where we can afford while still keeping time with our kids and giving them a yard to play in but were worried a bit about feeling isolated from current family and friends. Mindset! get connected. make new friends. grow our community

Dr John always has the best advise. Love having him on Ramsey

The hardest part about living in Montana is the 5 months of winter. Back in the 90s people with lots of money would come on vacation in the summer, say "It's so beautiful here, let's move." They'd buy land, build a big house, and after the second winter they'd sell it and move back to California. Old man Winter used to keep out the riff raff.

I just looked at Billings on the map. There is everything you could possibly want there. Lots of food, lots of fun things to do in the town, and best of all you go a little out of town and have amazing outdoors! This woman is not trying to settle in on purpose. She probably didnt want to move because her friends made her feel like some sort of important socialite and now shes having a tantrum. Good grief.

They have made us believe that money is more important than Life & Happiness, it’s not. I believe we should live where our heart is then find the best career you can there. 🙏🏿🙌🏾

Moving is often difficult physically and emotionally . Just try to focus on you . One step at a time . Rebuild slowly . It’s hard I understand. You may discover new things . Great advice . Find joy and own it 🥰

Great advice guys! 👍 grow where you are planted honey.

Grass always looks greener on the other side. Didn’t you do any research “before” you moved there.

Me and my wife can move anywhere because we love isolation and don't care much for other people.

I lived in NY for work and never felt at home or used to it. I always felt depressed. We moved to Tennessee for my job and we love it here so much. We will probably retire in the mountains.

I've moved several times across the country. It's definitely not easy but there are so many ways to get connected to your community. I found volunteering is a great way to get out of your feelings and worrying about your "happiness". Stop being self centered and be of service.

you moved to MT. what did you expect. LOL.

She sounds entitled

I had a discussion with a friend about this exact same discussion. Who cares how much money you make if your miserable. On the flip side it's not worth living somewhere where you on the poverty line even if your in decent paying career.

There's a lot to do in MT. It's ok for people to get outside and exercise. I know most people don't have hobbies that don't involve screens, but it will do you a lot of good to get outside!

Poor husband. This woman is gonna trash "their" finances..I never heard someone coming up.with soo.much 🐂💩 to justify a move. Never heard someone so chipper say they are depressed.

Great advice from someone who had been through it.

Easy and quick answer for you.. Get to work!!!!

the pay is higher because no one wants to live there ... Beulah ND .. where is that ... exactly

The sun is so important for health, I couldn’t imagine being without it everyday. SAD seems like it is hard to navigate in a place like where she is. They probably jumped at the chance to make more money because they heard Dave’s voice. Another example where you have to do your own thing and stay where you are happiest. I’m home here where I can go to the beach, mountains, desert in less than an hour.

I have a slightly different issue to this, I hate the area that I live in and have for a decade + and want to get out ...except I have a decent job and own my home...the area for me has too many negative reminders so I bury myself in work. Ive actually been working on upgrades to my house so I can eventually sell it in the next year or so, the older I get the more I feel the window is closing on me to make the change ...Im not a huge risk taker either so I do lots of research on areas that I am considering moving to.

Does she work? Even part time? Iit's important to jump in and make a life for herself. Being busy helps significantly with being home sick. I moved to a new continent. I get it.

I'm considering moving to Omaha, NE from Orlando, FL since I work from home and Omaha is where my job is headquartered. Also rent is a nightmare here in Orlando. Omaha rent is cheap. And I'm a single male with no kids or debt.

Its takea time to adjust to a new place. But you have to get out and meet people, join local groups, a gym, go out on dates, local outdoor stuff. I've done it many times over and I always end up missing where I just left because I miss the life I make in that particular place. Started over in Houston, San Diego, las vegas, austin.....helped me grow and I've made a great life in every city.

I think this is a generational thing - most younger people / families want everything their way and if the work fits their lifestyle, then they are happy. I moved 10 times trying to stay employed with the same company and it cost my family more than me. You have to go where the work is - happy life is great but you are never happy if you are broke even if you are in a place you prefer. If you can live on less and be where you want to be, then do so otherwise, grow up and remember life is not fair and you can't always have what you prefer.

Too many people moved to Montana because they watched Yellowstone. Montana has become trendy. Hopefully, people fleeing Montana will become trendier. 🤞

I have moved countries three times, one was not English speaking. You just have to get out there and make the effort to meet people, whether that is through work or activities, or volunteering. Not everyone you meet will become besties, some will become more casual friends, but it is likely you will meet people you really click with. I am old now, many of my friends have died. I just realised the other day that I need to 'recruit' new friends or associates! So I will do activities or volunteering, or some other project that will lead me to more like-minded peeps.

Try to find the good in your new location beyond the increased paycheck....whether that is a job for the caller, connecting with a church, the fact that you learn to ski, a new kind of flower grows in your yard during the short summer, or whatever. It is too easy to focus on what you have "lost." Try to find something good about the new location each day.

I know how she feels. I felt the same way when I moved the family to Austin, TX. As it turns out the wife and kids ended up enjoying Central Texas even though I didn’t. Now that we are back home I can honestly and pragmatically say while I didn’t care for it I am glad they got to experience living in a different part of the country and experience things they never would’ve been able to. I wish she would’ve included how the other members of the family feel about the move. She sounds a little selfish. It seemed to be all about her.

Why don’t you get a job lady. Being at home will drive anyone crazy thinking too much. Grow up buttercup

I moved to a new state 2.5 years ago and haven’t made any good friends yet. I’ve moved 40 times in 45 years to many states so I’m used to moving and making friends but this time has been hard. I have some family but only see them on holidays. Brainstorming ways to make more friends.

Very good, specific advice on this call.

billings montana is a gorgeous place .. you are just home sick

As someone who is from Boston, I wouldn't wanna come back if I were George either lol

Billings winters can be rough. Almost went to MSU Billings back in the day for football :)

I felt like this when my husband was stationed in Augusta, GA.

Change is never easy. The ease of where you were in life to where you are going takes a strong person to handle this type of change. Find a church family.

She will never be happy.....

Get a job! Any job. A reason to get up in the mornings, interacting with work colleagues & customers will give you purpose.

The answer is always you got to plug in

I did the same thing when I moved my family from Florida to North Carolina and he is right you have to get your self out of the funk and go out and make life fun where your at home is where your kids and husband are not your friends and mom and dad are

One easy way to make friends is get a part time job that requires exercise so not cubicle stuff. You'll feel better because you're making some money, exercising and meeting people.

She either wants a divorce or needs a job

This is great advice.

I'm in a very similar situation to her. I moved from Quebec to Alberta in Canada because of work. I moved from an eastern French speaking province that's more european toned to a western English speaking province that has a more american cowboy vibe. It was a huge culture shock for me. I miss the more humid climate of my home province, the landscape, my food, my culture, hearing and speaking my language, seeing my friends and family. But there are great things in Alberta. Taxes are lower, the healthcare system is much better, there's more sunlight, there's the Rocky Mountains where we can do lot of outdoors. I think I wanna move back home though because I feel like I belong to my home province, and my job might allow me to transfer back home eventually, but in the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy my life here. I think the hardest part of moving is to build a new social circle and to adapt to a new culture and mentality. The distance from family is also a big deal, especially for people like me who hate flying.

Why would someone who lives in an area with jobs move to another area for a job? You can’t tell me that they didn’t have a six figure job in TN. The move was completely unnecessary

She needs to get over this and settle in

This is why you don't move for a job. You've moved to a place you only moved to because of a job, and now your homesick. No kiddin'! It's almost like this was _entirely predictable._ Your life is not your job.

at 23 i moved to SoCal from south Texas where i grew up, and it wasn’t too bad honestly. the traffic was claustrophobic but besides that i adjusted well to the new culture and climate. better than i even thought i would. here’s the weird part: i’m now 29 and recently moved to Ohio, which is actually very similar to Texas in many ways in my opinion. the biggest difference is definitely the weather, it’s alot cooler here. obviously especially during the winter when it snows. but otherwise, very familiar. yet…. i’m actually extremely unhappy here. you would think it would feel kinda like coming home because they’re so similar but i don’t know. i’ve been battling extreme depression for a few months now since coming here. i’ve been miserable and can’t wait to leave. October will be my anniversary of moving to ohio. hoping to move on to something else soon… i can’t take it much longer.

John (and George) great, great advice. She's probably very glad she called you

Military people are going through this a lot and every place we went we miss Poeple from those town or others province and we have language differences not everyone speak English in Canada.

Them two moving is not the same as her moving. There's nothing to do in Montana. Unless you like hiking and go camping.

Why does she have to get "connected" to everything? Seems like she want to keep up with the joneses. Many mature woman just focus on their husband after they are married. She doesn't seem too happy with her marriage. She can get a new job, get educated, work on herself, etc...doesn't have to become the next most popular person in town.

The grass is always greener - if you're willing to fertilize.

Change Is Part Of Life

things are rough when you move to find a better truck driving job

** Kevin Samuels enters the chat. **

Where I live in europe most People stay around the area they grew up in especially if you grow up near a big city. I live in Stockholm sweden and have not more than 20 minutes to everyone i know and I love it for me staying with near my parents brother Sibblings grandmother nephews etc is important and more important than earning more money

To the lady that called, things don't add up. Let me explain. I live in Chicago, which is a big transportation hub. I knew a lot of people who worked in the industry, and some of my friends wanted to move to live in other states and keep doing the same job. What matter for them was to live near area that is at least a "local hub". If your husband continues to drive long-distance it does not matter where you live, as long as it is close to FedEx facility, where he can drop off his load and go back to pick a new one. Maybe he can't go back to drive locally because that position is taken, but he can still continue to drive long-distance and you can move back to your home state. It does not make cense to me that you will go to live in the middle of nowhere, and your husband is away for most of the time. You can live in your hometown, so that you are surrounded by family and he can keep doing what he is doing now. Also Tennessee is busy transportation area, a lot of loads from south to northeast, west to east pass through Tennessee.

Billings Montana is beautiful and a great place to live! Just saying

My wife has hated every place we were stationed and I loved it. Now we are in our forever home and we both like it. Part of the equation is we are near my wife’s family and that important for women.

interesting how some people want to stay where they are from, while others want to leave the nest and experience new things.

Great answer from John

A light box can make a huge difference in the winter. ❤

problems of the first world! SO much whining for just moving to a less "fun" nice weather place. Dude I lived in the hood and hot/cold extreme places and ultimately it's the life you build together not just outside influences!

That would never work for me, the climate would be an absolute deal killer. Winter is so depressing!