We need to change the conversation about fathers | Anna Machin | TEDxClapham 

I have raised my son since his birth, 15 years ago. I am a solo father and my son excels in everyway. He is my life

Fathers need to be treated equally in family court and not be pushed out of the children's lives if the Mothers chose to do so.

I'm sitting her watching this video to make notes for a court statement on why its important for my daughter that I be allowed to play an active role in her life, to be regularly present in her life. I'm having to do this because of a toxic Mother more interested in punishing me than the well being of her child. The fact that I have to go to court to beg and plead for regular access is infuriating. I'm literally vibrating with anxiety and anger.

This is validation. This is important, I cried during her presentation because regularly no one praises dad for his multiple roles, the difficulties we face. The trial and error and isolation at times when you are trying so hard but are viewed as failing. This is validation. That we are important, that I am important and crucial.

This was excellent. As a soon-to-be father of a son, I'm very happy knowing somebody believes in these ideas.

Some mothers have no business being parents. Some children suffer due to courts forcing them to live with their bad mothers. Some fathers make better parents than mothers.

I am one of the very rare number fathers who can say that my personal experience during my wife's pregnancy was truly a wonderful one. From the first appointment with the midwife, to being visited by our health visitor after the birth of our daughter. I was always made to feel included, I was always asked if I was OK, I felt like I mattered. One thing I would do when my wife was pregnant was sing at her belly every night because I wanted to do something to let my little girl know that I was here too. It sounds silly I know. When she was born and I held her for the first time, one of the midwives gave her a vitamin K jab which set her off crying, so I started to sing to her and immediately she stopped crying and fell asleep in my arms. In that moment I felt that bond and I believe wholeheartedly that my role as a father being treated with the same respect as my wife's role as a mother from the very beginning, was a huge contribution to building that immediate bond between me and my daughter.

Just found out we’re pregnant. As a future first time father this was the motivation I needed!

Taking up to "6 months" for dad's to fully bond with the child resonated with me. My wife was pushing for me to be a stay at home dad once we married, but I didn't really want to - until my son was 4 months old. When he was 6 months old, I went an quit my day job. It took 2 months to work my mind around the issue. Now I'm a stay-at-home dad and realtor. Still able to make some money for my ego AND take care of my son. I'll disagree with other commenters about "end of the West" - it may take a generation, but we'll be fine in the long run.

She represented us beautifully

As a Father of 6, I've known from the start that I had to become a better man,so that I could be here for my children. Now I'm the grateful granddad to their children. It's good to stand as a man,to have little one's look up to you.

What always annoys me is women saying to dads "your babysitting" no just being a father

I was watching the Simpson's the other day the 1st episode being the Christmas episode, their was a scene where Lisa schools her Aunt about the importance of fathers with notes of feminism which supports men too. Very progressive on day one.

19 Jul 2018 - Nov 2021, nothing has changed but I wholeheartedly I agree with you.

Why isnt this more famous

That accent makes everything sound so brilliant. God!

Has anyone else considered how insulting it is to be told that "biological dad" can be easily replaced with "Step-Dad", "Adoptive Dad", or "Dad Figure"?

I’d never thought about fatherhood in this way before. Thanks dad (and Anna)! Great talk

She sounds like Denzel Washington, Her words are so powerful.

This is the best TedTalk I have ever listened to.

Thank you for bringing this to attention.

This heals my heart on many levels. As a dad I feel so much of this. I have been very fortunate to be mostly included at all the stages of the journey of my Daughter coming into the world. And yet, it is still all about Mom. I never want to take away from that, but it can feel like i'm a third wheel. Especially when I come to pick my daughter up from a playdate and she yells in my face "No Daddy, where's mommy!!" Dad's are needed. Thank you for this talk!

It’s a travesty that this topic can only be broached by a woman. Imagine a father up there talking about this? He’d be dismissed immediately.

Wow this is so so true I really miss my children but unfortunately the are of age to get those years back I just got to get the years we have left

Loved this.

Good stuff almost in tears!!

Powerful!!

In CA as a recent father i was granted 2 months of paid work leave it truly is helpful in creating that bond and seeing how much work it is to take care of a baby

Well said! 👍

What a deeply emotional and scientifcly sound prasentation at a time! I have had the opportunity of rainsing my two kids more or less to an even account like my wife. And many of my personal experinces came imediatly to live listenig to this wounderful female presenter. I found especially enlightning the part about the "hormone feedback loop" of the couple during pregnancy. This is teaching us how important this phase in the live of a human is.

😭😭😭😭 Needed to hear that. I hope more of society can hear this too.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was also ignored at the hospital. Like, I was there but also not there.

i get my daughter every saturday night after work until tuesday morning before i go to work so its really 2 full days only i get with her i really wish it was more but i work and she lives an hour away with her mom i wish everyday i could be with her..

My son is my life

Why have people actually downvoted this???

Go, dads!

Jordan Peterson talks about the positive effects of rough and tumble play in both of this latest books.

I experienced something bad happening to my babyboy while i was at work. When i called home my wife told me somebody through a brick through the window where my son was lying.

Imagine if all men had 9 weeks maternal leave. All fathers would be encouraged to and have a chance to be involved even the so called absent ones.

Why everything related to fathers always get the looowest views in TedTalks videos ? Are fathers really not worth a damn ? If so , then I'l probably stay single for the rest of my life to avoid being " used " and dispensable .

I watched it.

We have instinct when pollution chemicals dont cut us from our hearts. I feel ny son with heart. Never will I be with anyone who dont love me or how she love our children.

👍👍👍

I feel it is too late in the day, for the West in general. but .fathers the best

"Fathers build the bond through interaction" the only problem is "Maternal Gatekeeping" can and does interfere with this bonding process. Have you ever heard a mother say "He has never shown any interest in the children!" or a father say "She doesn't need me any more!" He has been excluded from the bonding process.

Thank you for the recognition. I think there is some biological part of us humans that does not value a father's role in raising children. Men value mothers who are close and engaged with their children, but I don't think women hold men in high esteem when they take an active, engaging role in raising the children. They say they most certainly do, but in practice, they feel a little usurped or guilty or even that the man is somehow weak. And in general everyone always assumes the mother is the more consistent presence in the child's life, yet that is not necessarily always the case.

There is a better way. Parental custody of children is actually a very simple matter to solve given the true desire of “What is best for the child”. We first need to separate and discard marriage from family law as they no longer seem to be connected. We must develop protocols that confer (over time) equal parental rights and responsibilities,…..once parentage is proven. Children’s natural maturation process has 3 essential stages of need. A.The unconditional love of the mother from birth until about 7 years of age. The mother to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance. B.The conditional love of the father, who takes his children out into the world, gives security and teaches social boundaries from 7 until about 13 years of age. The father to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance. C.The friendship and respect of peers from 13 until 18 years of age. The child to have “thefinalsay”. If these 3 stages are not are not gone through in order, maturation is unlikely to be satisfactorily achieved and mental resilience reduced. This has now become generational. Such a regime of equal parenting rights (over time) would bind parents into a co-operative relationship, because (over time) each will hold the power of “thefinalsay” sequentially when they are best favoured to use it. Such family protocols would be the default position, but could in exceptional cases be varied by the court. Buckminster Fuller said:- “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete”. To alleviate suffering is worthy. To prevent it is divine, but thankless.

After watching what looked like a zombie film at my partners c section... I realised there was no after care for men. She was asked how she was. She was asked how she was feeling. No one ever asked me. Except the one lady who saw me break down as I got changed post op... And she asked only because I broke down... Midwifes means "with woman"... But where's the "midman"? We could surely do with one now that we have to witness so much.

I'm dying to become a father! My really unenthusiastic about it and I'll get down 😏 to it as soon as I earn enough money.

Where was this video 12 years ago?

The laws are written to protect women not to be fair.

The easist most cost effective eay to increase paternity leave woild be to treat maternity and paternity as a shared allocation of time off. Some women may be happy to go back to work earlier but i suspect many would not

I feel it is too late in the day, for the West in general. Goodbye society, hello chaos.

What is hollywood changing, you know the one with different names places yet the problem's not resolved are the same! Old grudge's and framing people not working? I guess change!!! Father's are important and real life is tough enough without the phishing! 2023 here Full time Dad! We live in peace by other people quiting the habits of old!

All things good but just one question. How does paid paternity leave allow mother to join back workforce earlier? If a child needs 9 months' round the clock physical proximity of a mother, it cannot be replaced by proximity of a father and vice versa, if the child needs both. This doesn't seem like partnering in parenting but delegating parenting job to men so that women can grow up in their career.

Just came here to say that in the thumbnail this lady looks like she just woke up

9:05

7:14

Carrying a child doesn't create a special bond, fathers have the same parental bond and father's intuition. Yes the bonding wasn't immediate but it's unbreakable. I experienced the same morning sickness and cravings as the mother and although given limited access can't wait to spend time with my son.

My son just turned 8 in January. My ex-wife uses him as a weapon against me and the only thing I want is to spend time with him.

Being a supportive partner is the last thing I will ever do. Don't want to ever deal with this gender again.

Can we just all agree that your gender *should* be like your blood type - which is to say, irrelevant to the situation and how the world should view you unless it’s a medical one (or you have dysphoria)

When dad can’t get a job, then he’s useless? That is what your saying?

I’m in Canada and this is not true. Men have equal opportunity for paternity leave and for all parental and postnatal care

(From India) This is how we uplifted women to take advantage of a man's life and property! We have changed the laws of patriarchy.. But 500 matriarchal families still exist in the world.. No effect on them.. I became to protest for men after facing my own brother's miserable situation for the dividing half of his property to his wife after divorce.. In India ,men don't even have that right to report domestic violence!

You're not really having the conversation about what makes fathers absent and the laws that create them. You just keep acknowledging absent fathers as an outlier to the topic at hand.

Yeah, but is the fact that they only develop a bond later, or when living with the mother, indicative of the nature of thire optional (but highly benefical) involvement as optionl or is there any reason that would say spot on this is why there's a connection?

If the world wants me to have a baby so bad then they’re gonna have to reinvent and fund the idea of being a Dad. Currently, everything synonymous with being a Dad means cringey (Dad jokes, Dad bod, Dad Rock). Why should I strive to be a lame, out of shape, and arrogant family man?

i hate "first" comments, but this is a TED talk so *first*

Men are helping with babies? My man took six weeks off to party, called me lazy, and told me I was faking my pain.

Damn testosterone drop

"Evolution holds nothing to chance" Lol. Evolution is nothing but chance supposedly. Lol. You see what I mean? Nonsense.

17 feminists disagree

why do you think we call god the father

First minutes: „80% ...are rare“??? Min.7: There is no point evolving two to do exactly the same thing“ - eyes, ears and hands do exactly the same thing from a different perspective. Min.9: Which advertisement etc labels fathers as „either absent or inapt“??

Hmmm maybe only in the Anglo world that fathers are ignore.

Surprised she's not been cancelled yet.

This will never reach the views it deserves there’s no such thing as a step dad it’s just a title to normalize a failed relationship. Nothing beats the biological

She better be Human otherwise i would be disappointed..! Another thing that puzzles me, is i can't differentiate weather she is talking about Humans here or her Pets...!🤔👎👎😇😇⚡⚡

"Evolution hates redundancy" I find it mind blowing how often qualified people refer to Evolution as making clear decisions with reason. They literally describe design when talking about Evolution. Everything that can be studied in life screams design. Not just design but thorough, thoughtful and unmatched in complexity design. Listening to Evolutionists always comes out as a comedy to me. Look at all these perfectly fitting, interwoven patterns of design that thoughtless, reasonless random chance has made without knowing. Lol. It's insane.

Notice how an equality measure for men is not allowed to cause deficit to women? If women are to be given high prestige jobs, we are quite happy for men to suffer and have fewer opportunities available to them. However, if we are to give men access to paternity leave, we are not allowed for women to suffer any deficit. Which 50% of women are going to surrender their maternity leave so that their male partner can take it? Quite happy for 50% of male CEOs to have no job but 50% of mothers are not to lose out on their maternity leave!