What Are the Boundaries Between Selfishness and Self-Care? 

This guy is a gift to our generation

Jordan's responses in themselves are like a journey with multiple destinations. He touches on everything from adolescent development to interpersonal relationships, just one wisdom bomb after another.

When my brother passed away 3 yrs ago at 54, after living a hard life, this realization came to me: The most loving gift you can give to those who love and care about you is to (literally) TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF - you lighten their burden of worrying about your well-being; you are better able to engage with them; you are better prepared to be there for them generally and in crisis; they won't have to try not to sob every time they think of you dying at a young age with wasted potential and regrets for the things they wish they had said and done for you.

As a recovering people pleaser, I have a general rule of thumb. A. I am responsible for myself alone. I'm not responsible for how you feel or what you need, say or what you do. This goes for how you respond to what I do or say as well. If I'm not being intentionally cruel then I don't worry about how you react to me. That's a you, issue. B. If I'm going to help you out depends on 2 categories. Rocks and boulders. Some people want you to give all your energy to help them carry a few rocks they can handle on their own but want to use you because you are willing. Other people have a massive boulder to deal with that they CANNOT carry on their own. And they may seek you out for help with it. C. But, what am I carrying? If I'm responsible for a few rocks today and you have a boulder I may set my rocks aside and help you push. But if I'm dealing with a boulder I cannot let my boulder roll off to help you with yours because of point A. I am responsible for myself alone. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk ❤😂 I incorporated this reasoning from an example given from a self help book called Boundaries if anyone wants to check it out ☺️

“So, that’s an answer to that question.” I love Jordan Peterson- what a remarkable answer that was!

If you have never seen Dr. Peterson in person, try to go. I took my parents to see him in Durham last spring and it was quite an event. I went in work-casual, in khakis and a button-down and was under dressed. Men were in full suits and ladies were in evening gowns. It was a beautiful audience. I'm smarter that average, but by no means near the top, and by the end of the evening my head was pounding just trying to keep up with the good doctor. We should go ahead and make him an American citizen for his efforts.

Self care is you, prioritizing yourself without hurting anyone. Selfishness is you hurting people to make yourself feel better. If you can distinguish the two, you know where you land on that scale. And boundaries automatically apply.

Dr. Peterson and his adorable wife are blessings in this age of total darkness.

Jordan is 100% right about that. Being naïve and trusting and being burned. Becoming resentful or deciding that you're still going to trust other courageously no matter the cost and realize that sometimes you might get burned but you have to continuously trust anyways. I'm having a really hard time currently doing this

When I listen to you Jordan I feel like something within me acts like a domino effect. You say something that i wonder in my personal life and then it's like things start falling into place the more you explore the topic. May God bless you

You care for yourself out of the love of your friends family and community Selfishness is at the cost of those things

Having never even considered to qualify individual words to a question so intricately, I am mesmerised and have been educated with Dr Jordan Peterson's fluent and easy to follow common sense once he spoke. The man is a master in unlocking our ignorance of how to think. Speaking for myself of course. The conversations in the home of Jordan and Tammy must be exciting and extraordinary. Kudos to you both for being incredible active role models. Many many thanks :) ♡♡♡ From Australia :)

Never has anyone more artfully explained emotions using pure logic, than Jordan Peterson. He is INFJ genius.

Great talk. I've long struggled with the preservation vs selfish issue (though I never put it in those terms, I could just visualize the concept) and it led to this: be an enforcer of the "rules" of the "game" (e.g., be truthful, honest, etc). Then, if it's a fair "game" and you're losing/failing at it, you have to figure out how *you* need to change. The people we view as selfish are cheating at the "game" so that they don't have to learn, grow, change, etc.

What I always understood about the word "selfish" was a blatant disregard of others to the preference of fulfilling your own ambitions, goals, and edification. Self care I always understood to be preservation of emotional, psychological and physical health. (I.e. taking a much needed vacation, whether alone or with loved ones to recharge, renew or refresh mind body or spirit simultaneously or individually.

What a difficult question and a great response. I am so happy to live in a time where I can witness such a unique, intelligent human being that improves so many lives, including mine.

This is the first philosophical question I ever asked myself. That was 11 years ago, back in elementary school. Now, I finally have a good starting point of an answer.

I believe that Dr. Peterson will be remember for giving encouragement to the masses that hungered for it...

I was there!! Truly special to see you in person, keep fighting the good fight.

I love how he spider-grams everything to break down the entire molecular structure of just one word 👌🏼

So ENLIGHTENING! Yet to hear another human being with so much to offer the universe: high level of mental abilities in a purest compassionate heart! You are undoubtedly a gift to humanity!

Have been wondering about this for years and glad your talking about it 🙏

Jordan Peterson is the dad we all need. Bless him

I’m in awe of the wisdom of this man. It just pours out of him. 🌧 🌧 He definitely has been a great tool in my journey of personal growth and self awareness.

i understand prof. explained the question in deep. is it safe to say selfishness happens when u sacrifizing other people to attain ur goals but self-care comes along when u take care of urself to be stronger (in any dimention. mentally, physically or spritually) to help urself and others, meanwhile helping them as well through ur growth.....

14:47 👌 "once burned, twice shy" , Jordan Peterson sure knows how to deliver wisdom like punches.

' The Development of Equilibrated State. ' Thank you , Dr Peterson.

Live and Thrive Mr. Peterson, You are right almost all the time and that's why they hate you.

An individual like Jordan comes along once in a generation. Incredibly wise, it is almost like you go on a journey of self realisation and discovery.

Being able to reach out a hand to your fallen brother who has harmed you in the past is even more valuable.

Got goose bumps listening to Dr. Peterson. Aww! How much wisdom God has given to this man. So powerful message.

It`s just too good! This is the best way, brilliantly exposed by a complete master! Congratulations Jordan Peterson you are the BEST! Thank You

The last part that he said is precisely what burned me, because there are genuinely beings with no good in them.

1:01 defining the terms in conversation is very important. Especially today with the goofiness of how language is changing. Everyone has different definitions of words.

As the word “So” comes out of his mouth.. I feel such a sense of peace, love, struggle and thoughts… deep confusing, conflicting and challenging thoughts that make us grow to be Better.. to be Balanced. Thank you Jordan Peterson on a million levels❤

The best part is these videos are there, free to watch for anyone! Thanks internet

He is incredibly generous, to give such possible to navigate our own challenges & individual understanding. What a “healer” in the deepest sense of the word.

Thank you again. The pain someone ppl made me feel is real when they lied, cheated, manipulated, yelled and shut me down from speaking my truth and feelings. Finding Peace in myself is all I can do, the rest is out of my hands. Blessings and peace to everyone.

What a role model Jordan is, absolute inspiration!!

I adore the definition of friendship! Spot on!

Fear vs desire + misbelief

It’s a miracle that you brought that question about ourselves to ultimately understanding others.

Serve and keep serving... give and never stop giving...🎉🎉

A father figure to a fatherless generation. We are blessed. God be with us all, in Jesus Mighty name Amen 🙏

Great juxtaposition and balance between the two extremes of selfishness and altruism. Metaphorically speaking, no person is obligated to set themselves on fire in order to keep others warm.

Thank you for being here, I needed someone real Jordan Peterson😁

Hey thank you very much for the new thumbnail, now i know immediately these are recent videos from Beyond Order tour. Really appreciate it.

Always taking us on a unique knowledge cruise in answering profound questions🙏🏼❤

“i don’t believe there is any difference between service to highest self and service to other people”... that’s what it means when the Bible says “...Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself...” Mark 12:31

Jordan plants a seed that if allowed to grow and take root in each of us would bolster society by improving the lives of people individually and then by its very nature collectively and it requires no outside motivation pressure or governance. Profound and beautiful

Peterson in his element. This is his strength. Stay away from the silly politics. This knowledge is why we followed you so many years ago. Bless.

This asking back, asking for a definition, being precise - a love about this guy! 😊

Thank you.. I really needed this

Perfect parables of real life . Plain truth and respect Blessings and great Smiles. Thanks & Thanks

Absolutely wonderful answer! Complete, direct, irrefutable!

man this speech is art it's beyond good and accurate speech this is artful

Thank you Jordan. Going out for a run. Will continue viewing later. Ciao 👍🏻✝️❤️🙋🏻‍♀️ Ran my 7 miles. Another great lecture. Luv ya Jordan!

Absolutely brilliant! Including one of best description of myself I ever came across: "the upward stumbling type" (with an emphasis on stumbling of course 😆)

Wow! I’ve never had anyone describe it that way before. Courageous trust! I do that and many people think I’m just naive but I know who to trust and who I cannot, and I choose to give them trust anyway in a hope to inspire growth and positivity. You’re ability to see and describe it is amazing. It is hard sometimes to balance with manipulative people but it can be done with a calm demeanor and strong boundaries and consequences when needed. The change that happens in some of those people can be incredible!

Love Tammy’s gentle voice.

"That's so cool to know that!" I love that he uses phrases like this, it goes to show he is just another human being walking the same world as we are.

He is so humble to be so knowledgeable, pretty rare traits.

This is the most important thing on the internet.

Hmmm... Think I might specify that I'm only looking for "upward-stumbling types" next time I'm on a dating app. Thanks Jordan!

I like how this channel becomes the q&a content.

Amazingly well put thank you

This guy is so amazing to listen to. Here is the cool part about having courage to trust others even if you know you might experience betrayal. Through trust its possible to bring out the best in others and in yourself

Precise AF, i love this man

The fact that he’s doing this with his wife motivates me greatly

I feel like everyone is as equally smart as this guy not taking anything aways from anything that he does… but I glad we have a platform like this to educate people who are just struggling mentally

How serious he takes these questions is fascinating. That part about the question of God being real was very illustrative. I remember recently questioning certain people by how they're defining Him to make statements that goes along the line of Him not existing.

Such a humble genius who brings complex ideas to simplification

Every time I watch you, you make me think I don't know anything. I end up having to re-evaluate what I accept for myself and from others. It's a good thing, really.

I’m tackling with this, at this very moment. Edit: I understand I will extend my hand to the snakes, metaphorically speaking. I will enter with brave trust but, yet being pro-cautious to correct my fallen brother when they get the urge to be a snake. Thank you Dr. Jordan Peterson, I am currently reading beyond order and have begun dipping my toe into your work, and that alone was tremendous help, now I cannot wait to see the clarity and illumination I will obtain when I submerge myself.

Axiomatic presupposition what a line. He's so cool!

saw this talk live at youtube theatre. awesome experience

I often have to listen two or three times to truly understand for myself and that of others.✌️😎

I have been in in this dilemma for a while My parent has always been what I'd describe as lazy with regards to domestic and personal care matters (very successful professionally). So from a young age they'd always send me around getting tea, laundry, grocery shopping etc despite having a butler, cleaner and another child. A large part of my 20s was spent running their errands that I feel they just didn't want to do. I'd drive them around, to personal and professional engagements - whatever they wanted I would do it, no was never something I could bring myself to say even if i wanted to, I think because I felt an immense sense gratitude towards them for raising and taking care of me. In their early 60s they were quite ill and required major operations with a 4 week recovery time to return to work and life - it has been about 10 years , they haven't returned to work or life. A few years ago, I "ran away" from home and moved out at the "young" age of 28... They were quite upset about this but never said anything to me, I just heard through various family members. It's been 5 years since I moved, but now they're sick again. I'm having an internal battle as so what to do, give of myself (move back) or give to myself (continue to live on my own). Either way the the decision, I know, will lay heavy on me. But what is the moral thing to do right now? The guilt of having run away earlier still plagues me, but I also feel like a large chunk of my life slipped away.

"Stored up social capital"...this validates what I personally sacrificed during failed marriages, instead of feeling that I escaped them, with nothing but a wasted part of my life. This helps me to maintain my moral fiber, instead of giving up on humanity, totally.

Thanking God for this ministry and how He has used Dr. Charles F Stanley!

Reminds me of a saying , "Love like you've never been hurt before".

Very helpful video

Brilliant man, love listening carefully to him speak. My take away from this is the difference is intention. Are you caring for yourself to care for others more fully? Or are you doing it at the expense of other covertly/overtly deceptively?

This is the most important thing to understand about relationships in all space and time.

Giving is receiving ❤

as i understood him, self care can mean a true intentions and desire of cooperative efforts and selfishness is more about me before anyone else mindset.

I was at this lecture, so impressive.

My favorite suit so far👏 Symbolic as well... in my view.

Thank you

GOD BLESS YOU SIR!

This guy is so smart!!! Woooow!

MUCH RESPECT JORDAN PETERSON

🙏 thankful for this man 💯

Jordan Peterson is all that! What do you mean by real...great question!!!

A great man.

Wow❤wow… what a sophisticated mind this man has. Amazing ❤

Lots to ponder.

God bless you Mr Peterson 🔥💪🔥✝️❤️

I was able to follow, like 20% of what he said.

Amazing. May the Lord Be With You.