What are the thoughts of a Narcissist? | Grandiose vs. Vulnerable 

How does a narcissist change a lightbulb 💡 ? He stands on a chair, holding the 💡 and waits 4 the world 🌎 2 revolve around him

Dr. Grande, I can't thank you enough for your content. You are saving lives. God bless you.

*sees new video notification* *Sees the title has narcissist in it* *Immediately watches it*

WOW!!! I just recently learned about the whole narcissism topic in the past couple of months after living with my SEVERELY Narcissistic wife for the past 25 years. Always thought it was just me causing our issues until my divorce attorney turned me on to some interesting videos about this disorder. We are now smack dab in the middle of a wicked divorce. Watching this particular video has taught me the different types and levels of this disorder and I now understand she is considered a Vulnerable Narc based on her typical M/O. Great video!!

The one I know only thinks about herself. She either doesn't know or doesn't care about the damage she does and harm she causes to anybody else. Basically it's a toddler's mind in an adults body

I really don't think you can compare them to toddlers. I have a three year old and he is kind and truly attached to others. Most toddlers like people, trust people, have a sense of "nice" and "not nice. " Maybe more like an insecure middle schooler. Toddlers are really awesome little people.

Vulnerable narcissists fear loss and because of that often generate it and limp away wounded spitting venom at those who betrayed them, thinking 'one I'll show them!'

From your descriptions, my Mother was a perfect 50/50 split between grandiose and vulnerable. She was a victim of everything and everyone and was always making some plan in the dark to get an advantage or get back somehow at someone. Gossip was one of her favorite activities to keep everyone's perceptions of the world in-line with what she wanted. But then she would also burst into fits of extroverted rage and overt public displays of shaming and drama-creation. She gravitated towards theater younger in life as a means of expressing her narcissism, so I feel like she's developed compound narcissistic traits as a result. First, because of the treatment of my grandiose narcissistic Grandmother and other abusive family members, she became a vulnerable narcissist. Then, she discovered theater and realized the potential for recognition in addition to the ability to practice social manipulation and ended up developing grandiose features as a result. This is of course, pure speculation, but it's only because I have yet to hear you mention any kind of hybridization between the two types. (Though I haven't watched all your videos yet.) But so far, in each video I've seen where you've mentioned these two types of narcissistic expression, I've directly identified my mother in both descriptions. She fulfills roughly 70-80% of both types; so she's not 100% of either, but simultaneously a significant amount of both.

Just some ideas for future videos: - vulnerable/grandiose narcissist and their love for animals, family members, friends and romantic interest - vulnerable and grandiose romantic relationship

“You’ll never find someone like me again” does this sounds common? I heard it over and over again

I find the covert very interesting because you dont hear as much about it. They can be very sneaky.

they are consciences born from abuse. Their thoughts are subject to a defense system obsolete for adulthood but impossible to shut down. 😯

I had a narcissistic parent so this is quite a poignant topic for me, it really helps hearing a professional point of view, thanks Dr. Grande.

I married my ex two times he was grandiose. Each time I left he would wait one year to ask for me back hoping the entire year brought me misery. The last time I left I predicted the one year but this time I was getting married and I told him how happy I was . I think he believed he could do that for a lifetime because no one else would treat me better since I was inferior to him, according to him.

DR. GRANDE BLOWIN UP THE SPOT SPITTIN KNOWLEDGE LIKE STR8 FIRE

a very underrated channel on youtube .. thanks for you work Dr. Grande! ..

Thanks for another insightful video! You are very accurate its scary. I've actually done the anonymous revenge thing you described for vulnerable narcissists. I know it's petty but in those moments I truly felt that if I did nothing it would keep eating away at my self-esteem and in a strange way revenge offers closure.

I think that this is one of your best videos. Having had the misfortune to have dated both a grandiose and a vulnerable Narcassis, I found your analysis to be 'spot on'. I could actually hear them saying almost the exact words and picture many examples of specific situations that occurred. Now I need to get these pictures out of my head before I start getting flashbacks!

Thank you for another great upload. I got the impression that people just try to cope with life the best they can.. i work with people.. i'm a sales assistant.. while watching i realized that at least 50% of the customers i get in contact with at work show some visible narcissistic traits.. (disrespecting the merchandise, demanding attention and disrespecting other customers, low agreeability - sometimes you just cant talk sensibly to them, many times they just ask for help but dont actually listen, or they pick up the phone and disconnect from you, throw money at the cash desk as in disgust, feel entitled to get what they want even when what they want is impossible to deliver, blame you for the stuff you dont control, criticise and belittle.. etc) I believe that if i met them outside of customer-worker dynamic i bet they would not be acting the same way.. i hope.. This lack of respect for each other and not seeing a human fellow being in another is what allows this bad behaviours to develop into personalities.. the way i see it.. Not all of the customers are like that. The other half is a great bunch. They give me reasons to like what i do.. It's just interesting that people change when they change roles..

I think your comparison of the thinking of the two is pretty much spot on . Most of my life's personal experience is with the covert narcissist having had one for a mother and then marrying one . Grandiose narcissists are blowing in the breeze for all to see - they can't seem to help running their mouths . Sneaky , underhanded, fixated on revenge coverts want you to suffer while playing everyone else for a fool in believing how wonderful , altruistic and innocent they are . I've come to think that playing people for fools is their main source of supply .

Breaking it down! I love the way you explain those differences! You're a great teacher! I see both grandiose and covert in my husband, though. All depends what the situation is, I guess. I wish I knew where he is, on the spectrum. He told me once that he was a Sociopath, when I called him a Psychopath, one day. Sometimes, he can be impulsive, but generally speaking, he tends to plan things out. Everything must go to plan, and when it doesn't, he throws a fit, and isn't very easy to be around. These fits consist of screaming at me, or others, absolutely no patience, blaming me, or others. So, to me, he doesn't sound as much like a Sociopath, as he does a Narcissist. This is just one area of his persona, that I have described for you. There are more aspects to his character that are scary, in many ways.

Great video dr. Grande! I have examples of both type of narcs in my life so I am happy to hear your perfect analysis.

So that's what a covert thinks. Watching sneaky reactions to some of these things, you have to be spot on! Thanks for the explanation. It really helps so much to have things clarified. Especially with a covert, they try to hide everything about them.

Thank you so very much one more time, Dr Grande! Brilliant as usual 👊🍀🙌💕😎

Thanks for another informative video Dr. Grande that provides level graded insight into NPD.

No wonder people feel not good enough around them. They are actually perceived that way. Very delicate description , Dr. Grande. Thank you!

The minds of those people explain, clear, as crystal, why the world is the way it is. Very sad. So much pain could be avoided and it "would be a stronger, loving world". But such is life. Let's meditate z recover and make the best out of it, cause life is also beautiful. God bless all the targets of psychopaths and cluster Bs in their journey to surviving healing and thriving.🙏🙌💕

I've been watching videos about narcissism for about 4 months and this was the most helpful in understanding them... bless you!

You give the best examples to help us understand your topics. Thank you, Dr. Grande.

Narcissists are like quantum particles. Quantum particles don't exist until they are measured. Narcissists don't exist unless they are socially recognized. An odd example of the "observer effect" of quantum mechanics. Just a wild thought!

Question: Have you seen a narcissist vacillate back and forth from Grandiose to Vulnerable? This was my experience.

Thanks Dr Grande! Always spot on. Without admiration; a fish out of water.

I think it’s important to mention that that all narcissists exist somewhere on a continuum between these two types, as well as the extremes. I think you have also mentioned that some narcissists can oscillate between one type and the other depending on the situation and their mood. My ex used to present as pretty grandiose most of the time, but he would descend into darker periods where he would be terribly sensitive to criticism. He would even get upset if I said something about his dog, he would take everything very personally, as if all his objects, his stuff were part of him. I could not dislike a piece of furniture or a picture in his house, everything was part of this elaborate false identity, as if a single failure to prop all this stuff up would bring the elaborate house of cards tumbling. Thank you Dr Grande

I think that you “ hit the nail on the head “ with the thoughts and the differential of the narcissistic personality thoughts.

Singing "Scuse Me," by Lizzo while I watch this. Great vid, Dr. Grande

I hope you do soon again such a topic with some more examples, if possible. Thanks for another educational video Dr. Grande 😃.

Thank you Doctor Grande. You have been an immense source of comfort for me, while dealing with narcissist in my life."

i was in a relationship with a grandiose narcissist that lasted 4 1/2 years. even though it's been over for more than a year and a half, i'm still haunted every day by the damage caused. to be honest, while i truly appreciate these videos, they are very hard for me to watch :(

Please make more videos on covert narcissism.

They stay around observing you even If you break up with them

I would love to hear more!! Especially what abusive narcissists think.

What a nice surprise to come home to: another video of yours, Todd :)

Dr. Grande thank you for all these amazing videos. Could you please please please make a video about thoughts of a triggered borderline and the aftermath thoughts after an episode. Hearts

I really believe that calling them be vulnerable narcissist is a misnomer...... Because we are all as human beings vulnerable ... . This sounds almost like giving them an excuse. They are covert but, they are very very manipulative in their covertness......

Looking good Dr. Grande. I like that shirt. Can you do a video on your take on Maladaptive Daydreaming? Yes, the vulnurable narc is very sneaky. I've said it before and I'll say it again. When it comes to vulnurable Narcassist, the villain plays the victim so well. My vulnurable Narcassist sister changes partners like most of change our socks. I think narcs also go from one relationship to another because they're so easily bored.

That was exactly what my vulnerable narcissistic ex told me when I break up with her. She said I don't treasure her. And yes, she made me suffer even more after the break up because she wanted me to go through her pain billions times more.

Wow another great video and so right on. Format is awesome - clear and easy to grasp! Thank you this is very helpful!!!!

This is incredible. I am so impressed at your ability to create clarity and structure for a situation that is fraught with confusion and chaos.

as a psychologist from Iran I admire your novel contribution to the world of psychology. you are a genius

You truly have a talent for this stuff doc. Have I ever told you that? This is so fascinating

You have absolutely helped me... Thank you so much, sir. 🖤

Very good example of Narcissim. And also they can vasculate between the grandeous and the vunerabke also

Wow that's so accurate! Great video.

Sounds Good! Pretty solid information shared Dr. Grande. Really glad I found your channel. I almost feel as if I need to open my wallet and pay for one therapist visitation.

Thank you for your wisdom and your persistence in teaching what you have learned over the years!

Thank you for such an insightful way of describing the difference between the two types.

Awesome video Dr. Grande! I would love to hear your clinical insight about narcissist/narcissist relationships-how likely is it that you see both vulnerable and grandiose types in a relationship together?

Great insight! 5 star rating! Dr. Todd Grande

Thank you Doctor. This morning is the first time I came across you I had a problem child that was angry at age 3. I spent 10 years with doctors looking for a answer as to what was wrong with my child, and many many thousands of dollars trying to help her. All to no avail. She was and will die, being angry at me. She is with out a doubt a Grandiose Narcissist and listening to this, she also has some of the Vulnerable also. In this tape when you were explaining when the Grandiose one meets someone they are interested in, you hit her , perfectly. You hit the nail on the head . She thinks she is a big box of chocolates plus more. One problem, all though she was very very attractive, and many men asked her out, they don't call for a second date, because I am sure on the first date she spent the evening telling the guy how wonderful she is LOL I was finally told, by a wonderful doctor, that she is a Boarder Personality, with Narcissist and sociopath tendences. I was her target all of her life, until she totally destroyed my life when she was thirty five years old. I don't know any thing about Boader line personalitys, but I do know she is 100 percent Narcissist and does not have any feeling for any one but her self. I saw you had a video on Mother - Daughter with the mother being the narcissist. I would have loved to have heard one on the daughter the narcissist. Thank you for all of the videos you have done because I am sure you have helped many people who were being hurt and abused by these sick people, and you spared many from more pain and heartache, when they learned from you, it was not their fault and they headed for the hills. I would have loved to write you privately, but did not see where I could do that. When you give birth to a child like this, it really takes many years of pain and suffering from them, before you can really except in your heart how sick they are, and nothing will ever change them:( To any one that reads this, if you are involved with one of these people, please move on as fast as you can. No one deserves the pain these sick people dish out.

I watched this back to back with the Dr’s videos on forgiveness and criticisms of “The RU-vid narcissism videos.” (I don’t know what to call those. Movement? Industry?) I have been staying very angry at the narcissists in my life and while this has defended me, I am starting to realize that I am emotionally stuck or stagnant. Perhaps exploring a bit of DISTANCED empathy for my little narcs can help me better understand my contributions to those relationships. I would really like to move on! Lol! As always, wonderful content, doc!

Almost at 100k subs doc. Do something awesome when you hit the 100k mark.

Absolutely fascinating, I can certainly put a good few people I know into either of these catagories. Thanks Dr Grande

Wow, sometimes it felt like you were describing my deepest inner thoughts.

“Beliefs and stimuli combine and this creates an automatic thought”

Hey Dr. Grande! I had 2 interesting thoughts when watching your video. The first is a sports analogy for the two narcissists. Let's take basketball. Both types of narcissists are not team players. The overt will never pass the ball. He will take all of the shots himself, then blame everyone else when he misses. The covert will hog the ball, take too long to shoot, then wonder why his team didn't support him. Is that about right? I've seen the first behaviour in business from someone close to me. He took uncalculated risks, didn't want to build a team, and blamed the world when his business failed. The second is regarding the Chris Watts case. You said in a previous video that you are unsure if he fits the covert narcissist type. After watching this video, what you are describing seems to fit that case very well, especially when you mentioned that coverts are more sneaky and revenge focused. Wouldn't it make sense that he blamed Shannan for keeping him from what he deserved, which is to be admired by someone "better", having a beautiful life without the stress of children, finances and camera in his face, etc.? Wouldn't he have seen her as the cause of his misery and an obstacle to getting what he deserves (in his mind life with Nichol)? It would make sense that he would want to execute a deep revenge on her and those she loved most, to demonstrate his victory so to speak? I think that he enjoyed planning the murder indicated by the "Battery" song and the doll. As you mentioned, he is quite immature, so in his childish mind, NK was the final chapter and his "happily ever after" after a life of misery with his family. Do you think his actions indicate that he was just "trying to get what's his"?

Thanks for an interesting video Dr Grande! My 2nd time back to this one! Patterns are key!!

Symptoms/Traits of the persons with CPTSD(due to Narc abuse) seem very similar to Vulnerable Narcissism. I'm confused! TYSM!

Clicked for the shirt;)

Powerful. Thank you, Dr. Grande. Grande.... everything is in your name. GRANDE.

As I think I’ve seen my mother oscillate between vulnerable and classic narcissistic behavior, the thought patterns range. But, even when she’s vulnerable, I could still feel an entitled rage going on. As I’ve said before, too, people need to try to keep their distance from narcissists. It’s not simply a thing of them never changing and being fixed. It’s that they have a strong belief system in how they see and address the world. As they say, it’s you who is forced to change and that never works in your favor. Before I even knew she was narcissistic and learned anything about it, I used to wonder why she would be so adamant with me. I’m still due respect, as an adult and I expect to be addressed as such. Not as someone who blindly takes directives. I felt that, if she had a problem with that, then she would simply have a problem. But, as her narcissism increased and I continued to mature, her clamping down became more apparent and concretized, with as much clamping as you could try to do to someone who doesn’t live with you, they’re in their 50s, you don’t pay their bills and you need for them to drive you places and take care of some of your business for you. Still, rather than to battle her increasing narcissism, it’s best not to be in her midst as, we’d both become truly frustrated since, I wouldn’t give into that behavior.

'Welcome to my scientifically informed, Insider look at mental health topics.....' my favourite start to any video. Is it possible to be addicted to Dr Grandes voice and wisdom? Although I'm pretty certain I have 'daddy issues' so I'm searching for intelligent well spoken men to sort my life out for me. 😁😍. But seriously...as always an interesting and insightful video from a reliable source.

Love the examples , makes it is to figure them out.

Very informative. Also, he is so well spoken. No filler words 👏🏾

Helps so much for those of us discovering their narcissistic family member's traits and doing the deep dive in order to understand and try to untangle the emotional fallout from their destructive influence. Having said that - I must listen another time - sometimes it is too difficult to really see the machinations that one has suffered through a lifetime.

Hey guy, thanks for the great content! keep it coming

Can not thank you enough for this videos. You just described my ex boyfriend when you were talking about the grandiose narcissist it is a shame that I wasted 6 years on this idiot. I did not know that this condition existed I thought I was the one Responsible for his behavior as he make me believe I was..

A Very clear explanation. Thank you for another interesting video.

Excellent! Thank you Dr. Grande!

Brilliant! Thank You Doctor!

Some if these seem like normal, run of the mill, thoughts people can have. Maybe you mean versions of these thoughts that aren't softened by other thoughts/actions. Its interesting, thanks for sharing ☆☆☆☆

Interesting video Dr. Grande. Could you do a similar video on people who are Antisocial or psychopathic?

What does a Narcissist think? My mother: "I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want..."

Wow nice job! Thanks again for another helpful and informative video

This was incredibly helpful. I had quite a few of those examples backward in my head. Duh me, vulnerable is they key word. I don’t know why I’ve overlooked that lately. Thanks yet again :)

Great explanation! I can relate.

you look good with the beard brother, grow it out!

I have encountered both types of Narcissist. Both of them are manipulative. However, I think that the Vulnerable type is the most dangerous because of false humility and stealth.

Dr G - A bell went off in my head when you described marriage partner thoughts/ Oh my goodness. Now I have to wonder at the reasons for my marriage breakdown. he refused to discuss or change his mind; he'd already made it up. I could never understand. wow btw several of your videos on this topic have made me wonder but I thought I was just being mean for thinking it. thank you.

But for the last example of promotion or other achievement. I believe these days anyone would have similar reaction to one of the two you mention and I don't really blame them. Society forces us to that way of thinking in order to archive goals. Love your channel btw!

Dr. Grande that was a very entertaining well presented description of that kind of inner behavior. Sort of like the grandiose narcissist spreading his talents everywhere too thin while stopping often to brag about his every effort and while doing expecting the moon for all of his efforts which according to him [or her] no one could do equally as well at being a partner too while everyone else less worthy is supposed to be jumping over the moon while the vulnerable narcissist in desperation to stay in denial about anything being wrong with them or the situations they choose to be in does everything they can to preserve their talent for running [away] while at the same time according to them not looking like they are too much in a hurry to get there and then when finally getting back full circle again in order to prove to themselves that talent of theirs is still there because they did it all their own best way in contrast with their unappreciative former partner and so according to them [if a worst case possible of vulnerable narcissism] they believe that it is their freedom of choice to risk maybe ending whatever chance they have left of achieving their next step while pretending that it doesn't exist anyway just so they can hang onto that I did it all my way talent all their own.

Dr. Grande, could you explain what is “high/low neuroticism”? Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.

Dr. Grande, I love your videos! I swear though, I've got med school level hypochondria as a counselor and am now constantly asking myself, am I a narcissist? Lolol I know my former classmates with high conscientiousness and self awareness do too, but omg! Lolo is this typical? Luckily I am not charming at all. Hahaha

Wonderful talk Dr Grande. Do some narcissists oscillate between grandiose narcissist thoughts and vulnerable narcissist thoughts?

In this view there is so much revenge in these, especially in regards to cheating but you said the revenge is their last reason for affairs.

Is there a commonality of triggers? Is shaming a common trigger? Why does the media always want to report a reason why a rape or murder occurred? Awesome report, Dr Grande!!

Thank you Dr. Grande, for the hard work , ! Where you come from?

The narcissist I deal with is a mixture of both. Ive seen this pattern before though. So I’m wondering why there indeed IS such a distinction made between the two. Why there’s not just ‘narcissist’. Be great to find the reason for that. It matters- seems to me , anyway - because unnecessary subdivisions would not help healing, right? So I’m thinkin, there must be a reason professionals bother to distinguish between the two - ie I can only imagine the purpose would be to have perhaps different treatment approaches to helping the vulnerable vs the grandiose narcissist in therapy. Right ? Or you’d just have all these different behaviours and thoughts classified as those of ‘narcissists’.. great video as always, though

I appreciate your videos , thank you

If I go no contact and have a hard time forgiving my sibling listening to this I start to think am I a narcissists?

Hi Dr Grande...m binge watching your most of your videos. Really informative. Thanks from Mumbai