What Can I Do With My Feelings of Anger? [CC English & Español] | Kati Morton 

thank you so much, finding your videos has let me see that i might be able to recover after all

My problem still is that even after I control my anger, I still want those people to pay or to know what they put me through. I still want them to hurt for me.

I love how professional yet transparent you are in your videos, Kati. Your videos are compassionate and informative, we really appreciate your work in the community

I really like the way you approached this. A few of the therapists I’ve had in the past would constantly respond to my anger by saying “Anger is a secondary emotion. What are you really feeling?” And I’d get so upset and more angry because, well, I’m feeling angry! What am I supposed to do about that!? I’m clearly here seeing a therapist because I’m not good at understanding or controlling my emotions so it sucks when you just brush it off like that. Conversely, my most recent therapist who does EMDR with me (Katie has a great video on that too) once said to me “You have this awesome anger within you! Use it!” Which was a wild concept to me. Just for a little background, I have five separate cases of PTSD having to do with every category of abuse you can imagine. At this session I was mad at the way I’d been treated. It wasn’t fair. My therapist was telling me that, in this case, that anger was good. I had fight in me. I wanted to get better and I could use the anger as a motivator. I asked what I was supposed to do with that anger when I felt it toward a specific person. He said “nothing. Just feel it and let it go”. Acknowledge it, maybe even tell my husband when I’m feeling it, and try to let it pass (mindfulness is helpful for this). I don’t really have a resolution to this because I’m still a work in progress, but I thought I’d share.

Thanks for making this video. Anger is one of the things I really struggle with and you explained how to deal with it really well.

I use a lot of avoidance to handle my anger. Sometimes it serves me well, and sometimes it doesn't.

I just submitted spanish subtitles, I hope they pass the revision quickly so many people can learn from you, thank you so much!

I read somewhere that anger can be a form of grief alongside with sadness, verbal ventilation and feeling emotion. Self-righteous anger is a form of grieving I read about in Pete Walker’s CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. To use self-righteous anger now as a form of self-protection and preservation for your values. I’m not a mental health professional btw (I’m a huge fan of your channel).

A rage room?!!?! That sounds so much fun...I know a few coworkers I can picture in there. Lol!

Screaming into a pillow for starters works well on me. 😂 😂 😂 But seriously, thank you so much for the video, great info! What always helps me (after I'm done screaming) is to remind myself I decide what mood I want to be in. It is hard as hell, but it works if I am persistent. Changing my focus is doing miracles!

I absolutely love your videos! You inspired me many years ago to start my own RU-vid channel on mental wellness. I too am a therapist and this is such a great way to share tips, insight, and a place to breath for others. Thank you for all your inspiration

I go on “angry runs.” I will go for a run, and will have my headphones on and run hard during the choruses of songs. The feeling of the pressure of my feet hitting the pavement, heavier breathing, the repetitive motions of my body physically running, etc all help with releasing the pent up energy.

Ahhhhhh! Knowing how to Express anger in trauma therapy is so important! Especially when trauma already makes you feel out of control!

Finding different outlets for anger makes a huge difference. I really believe in people helping people and we can offer support because no one should suffer silently or alone!

also i love the holiday playlist!! i binged watched it instead of talking to toxic people

Kati Morton- If you are reading this by chance. I never knew Anger was a protective mechanism. Or a secondary emotion. I never got shown how to express anger growing up either. Thank you for this video. If I get angry again I may try your emotion collage thing.

Just turned in my application for a Masters in Mental Health Counseling!

Thank you for helping me to understand that anger isn't trying to hurt me.

Anger can be used as fuel to better yourself and make sure that whatever made you angry to begin with never happens again.

How my therapist taught me to better understand my anger is an anger iceberg. Your anger is the iceberg and that’s what people see. Below the iceberg is all the other emotions you mean feel while you’re angry or what emotion maybe caused you to become angry. It was one of the first skills she taught me and it has been in the front cover of my journal ever since

Hey kati, you released that at a perfect time. I’ve been crying and your videos are always something I look forward too 🤧❤️

Some of the best anger management advice I ever hard comes from Emperor Palpatine. Strike me down with all your hates. Do not hesitate, show no mercy!

Kati I just want to tell you that you have added a positive result to my life, do not pay attention to anyone who would say otherwise.

This video has taught me to view my anger/rage as my protector....instead of getting upset with it & becoming anxious when I feel it building up... rather figure it out & what its protecting me from...🙏🏻 thank you!

I put on music and scream along to the lyrics and bang my head to the beat and it feels so good!

Talking about your anger with a trusted person can be very helpful at getting to the root of it.

kati your videos have helped me so much to understand myself and my emotions better, thank you so much❤️

Most of my young life I spent in the middle of a nasty divorce. Growing up with an emotionally abusive mother, I never learned how to cope or handle my anger because I was always told I was wrong for what I was angry about. Bottling everything up for years turned a lot of anger into self mutilation at about 13 years old. I love that you mentioned games. The one thing that helps me relieve some of my anger was, and is, video games. I'm able to zone out and just kill things and it helps. I've met some amazing people through them as well. Typically if I let to go to long I end up doing something that causes physical harm to myself. Very loud music is my other go to. Im 26 now and still struggle releasing anger in a healthy way.

I'm lucky to live near a series of natire trails, so I keep a supply of wrinkly soft apples on and (the ones that havent gone bad but no one ever wants to eat) and so when I start feeling destructively angry, I just go out into thw woods and chuck them at trees as hard as I can. The local deer and other wildlife get a little snack, I get to hear the satisfying sound of fruit exploding.

I’m gunna go make a collage now, thanks kati ❤️

Having trouble with a fear of saying stuff that might get me in trouble. This also builds up emotion inside me and it makes me so self conscious of everything. This really effects my love life and just emotion life in general.

It’s just about 3 in the morning and this video is helping me cope with my anger. If only I could fall asleep now.

Thanks, Katie. I sometimes talk to my cat Jasper. He listens while I pet him and never interrupts or judges. His purring really calms me down. I strive to be more carefree like him and not worry and get angry about things I cannot control.

since i’ve gotten treatment for my mental illnesses, i’ve been really excellent at regulating my emotions EXCEPT anger! it’s frustrating because i feel like i can easily talk myself through any other emotion but anger trips me up and it makes me feel very negative

I had to watch a lot of crappy useless videos to get to this one. Thank you Katie for explaining and presenting strategies for coping. Bless you!

I actually can't remember the last time I felt anger, like actual anger but I know I was an angry kid and always got into trouble for it but now I just use music to help me with everything.

Heres a phrase that I just read last night that really gave me a lot of insight on my anger issues. “I realized that my anger was pain.” In my case, a lot of the time my anger flares up really intensely or makes me feel like I want to explode, its usually because someone in particular hurt me. Ive been trying to figure out how to calm myself down in situations like that.

I hate feeling angry, because I'm afraid of hurting people by saying something I don't want to. And using a journal helps me a lot. I can get this feeling out of my chest and calm myself down and help me figure out why I'm feeling that way. But it's nice to know more ways to deal with anger. I definitely want to try them! :D

Hi kati im from South Africa i recently discovered your channel im suffering from severe depression,GAD & insomnia i am a self harmer but there is days i go with out doing it tnx for great content your videos help me a lot

I really value your videos; thank you for making them!! I’m in psychodynamic therapy where the m.o. is more blank screen and silence rather than overt psychoeducation and tool development. I connect with my therapist wonderfully and it is unquestionably beneficial. But, I’m a scientist by nature and profession - my brain makes sense of the world with logic, mechanisms, and pathways. Psychodynamic therapy is effective precisely because I can’t logic my way through it, which is often frustrating. Your videos are like an informative little snack between sessions, and have given me helpful tools and information that add to my growth. You rock.

Thanks for these tips... they are healthier options than cutting.

I like the different expressions you make that go along with the topic of your videos.

I have ADHD and have struggled with strong emotions my whole life, ESPECIALLY anger (ruminating over resentments/repressing it/internalizing it into depression/etc). It's so helpful to take this approach of befriending it and seeing it as a protective ally rather than a terrifying out-of-control beast that I need to stuff away at all costs. Thank you for this & all that you do

Excellent foundational video on anger. Thank you. Took many notes and will work on journaling and understanding it’s activity in my life from an early age and what it is trying to speak to me about now. Thank you.

This is really helpful Kati, thank you so much! Today I got really angry (because I felt hurt and jealous) and started slapping the pillows in my bed and IT FELT SO GOOD. I’m glad that’s something healthy I can do. Also I listened to loud music, it’s crazy but that always calms me down.

I love the way she say welcome :)

I've heard that tennis is good to vent anger. You get to smash tennis balls, and be very aggressive towards your opponent. The way my mom wanted us to handle anger was to take a nap. When I was little we had to get away from our friends for two hours every afternoon, because she didn't want us to get angry towards our friends.

I love my anger moments dearly. If there’s something to do while I’m angry I will not stop th task until it’s just tidy thing of it is done. Which is not me I could care less if it’s any percent done but when I’m angry it’s 100, 110, 150 percent done or it’s nothing.

This video is perfect for.me. I have so much angry, I journal all the time and it helps.so much!

Thankyouu so much for this video i grew up in a very nagry household so as i result im a very angry person and i cant control it well and it led to self harm so thankyou so much for this i love you and your videos so mucb you dont understand how much your videos have helped me 💖💜

I have certain albums I listen to when I'm angry that help me, usually with a lot of percussive instruments like drums and stuff. Music is one of the most helpful things to me when I'm feeling strong emotions. I get to feel them in a safe way, and it's like I'm expressing it by listening, singing along, or dancing.

Thanks Kati for those ideas and just being you. You come across very much like a former therapist that I had and I mean that in a good way. She helped me a lot! It's not only that you really feel genuine or sincere to me, but also the sharing that you do at times such as "I have struggled with _______ too." or the way you talk that makes me not feel so different or alone for having feelings that I express or struggle to deal with. I hope you had a great Christmas.

I'm so glad that I found your channel because i need to get this anger thing under control, don't wanna lose the women in my life and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep Tricia Roberts! So thank you Kati for all your videos and the knowledge you spread weekly. I do appreciate your time!!

Thank you for helping me see that at times anger can be helpful in recognizing a boundary. During these moments, it's ok to welcome it.

Actually I journal online, and pretend the screen is the person I'm talking to, writing by hand makes my tendonitis act up, I also notice I start writing poetry after the venting, and I save them, it's also just as cathartic. Thank you for your book! I love it BTW!!!

Anger can have two underlying reasons: 1. The inability of being able to express yourself competently, in the moment which caused your anger. For me, if the situation had passed and I’d calmed down due to other separate distractions, if I started thinking about it again, I could once again manifest that angry. What I’ve realised, is that I’m not angry at the situation, I’m frustrated that my emotion in the situation, hindered me to express myself fully, plus the fear of forgetting what I should have said. So, I’ve started writing everything down, to act as an external brain memory hard drive; my thoughts are logged and documented, I can go back to them if they need changing if the situation changes, I’m stress free to face the next day. 2. You’re ignorant and you need to educate yourself: the situation which caused your anger, and your rationality of dealing with it.

This video is brilliant Kati, so helpful. Anger scares the life out of me and I tend to hold it all inside, because I'm scared I won't be able to control it if I let go. I find hitting a cushion (hard! ) with a tennis racket or even a rolled up newspaper helps to release some of my internalised anger or at least bring it up so I can recognise that that's what it is. Thank you. ♥️

I never really had a problem with anger until I experienced narcissistic abuse and this person somehow brought this emotion out of me, all roots of being very hurt. I think journaling is something I need to do. Leaving that relationship made me suffer physically and emotionally but I feel like I’m turning a corner, validating my feelings and setting boundaries

Kati, thank you for being there and making the world more aware about everything that is going on in their minds and how it affects our body. Your videos are a treasure trove for anyone trying to understand themselves better. Thank you :)

I love how well you break down the topics of your videos. You make everything easy to digest and put into practice. Thank you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've watched like 4 of your videos in the last half-hour. I've never felt more understood. It's night time where I live now, and a whole lot of my suppressed anger towards an alcoholic parent is cascading out of me. I know and I've realized that when I get mad, I am self-destructive a lot of the time. I unconsciously pick at my skin and its been like this ever since I was a little kid. But this time around, I felt the need to learn how to 'constructively' deal with all this anger, instead of falling into old habits. I just want to thank you for these videos. I am still upset, but I feel like I have a better understanding why I feel the way I feel and how to manage it. I know you may get this a lot, but I really think it's important to let people know when they've impacted or in anyway contributed to your life. Thank you again. :)

Anger is just one emotion that wasn't modeled well when I was growing up. Logically, I should be able to use these methods to learn to do them all healthfully. Thanks Kati!

This is exactly what I needed. I can’t scream cuz I live in the city center and I can’t break stuff cuz I wouldn’t know what to break.

Perfect! I call the person I know will help with the hurt behind the anger and I play video games. Since life is going well at the moment, anger isn't something I feel so intensely so often. Thank you Kati!!!! xoxoxoxox

Thank you for this! My boyfriend struggles with this. He was never taught how to cope with anger; his family would let him throw and hit things and would just call him The Hulk as they all laughed it off. As he got older, he would get frustrated that he was angry in the first place, only making it worse. I try to express to him that it's okay to feel that way, and that I am here to listen to how he feels and help him deal with the primary reason he's angry. He also has abandonment issues, so I show him that I won't leave just because he's angry. He feels weak for being out of control, and often expresses self-sabotaging behavior when he's frustrated 😞 We've worked on practicing communication, so that we can address the reason for his anger and move past it 😊 I am so proud of him! It gets easier every time, and he no longer has insomnia from it ☺ I will show him this video too ❤

Thankyou so much for this kati 😊 I know it’s been 4 years so you may not see this but I love your videos they really help me get thru all of my hard days 😅😅 I love the idea of an emotional collage 👌

I've been struggling with anger all day today. From almost the moment my work day started, something sparked it off and I haven't been able to let go. When trying to find something to distract myself, I suddenly thought about your guest appearance on Always Open, and that you talked about writing a book. So I downloaded it. I've been reading it on my breaks today, and listening to your videos during my work hours. They have made an enormous difference and have helped me chill out. Thank you, not only for that, but also for the wonderful information you are sharing and the help you are providing for others.

I love your videos. I always watch your videos when I’m having a hard time between therapy sessions. I’m so thankful that I found your channel! Thank you for making these videos!

i like the idea of word collages! we did a lot of art therapy when i went to the hospital for my suicidal ideation and it was really helpful and therapeutic. also rage rooms sound so cool!! i have also used journaling and then ripping up the paper when i was angry with my abuser. i love you kati!! my mom said i can most likely go to vidcon this year so there is a good chance i'm meeting you!!

Thank you for adding love to the world

I just submitted greek subtitles. I hope they pass the revision quickly. Great video! Thank you a lot.

Hi Kati, this knowledge has been so life-changing for me. I've been struggling with sleep for a good year, from my "anxiety," and then I realize that it's from shoulder pains/emotional stress. I'm learning how to not stuff my emotions anymore and to just let it out in a healthy way.

I always do selfdistrutive things when angry

For anyone who walks or walks a dog, the headspace app has a great walking meditation to express anger.

Thank You Kati! Such a great video and amazing information! I hope you have a great new year! Love the ideas! Over 663,000 Subscribers!! Woot

Exercising has been the best remedy for me along with meditation, thanks!

This comes at the perfect time for me. I recently told my parents about my ED, and I've found myself really angry at them because of some comments they make. These tips are exactly what I need. 💘

It really wasn't safe to express anger or frustration growing up so somehow it got redirected inward towards my own self. Working on "rewiring" that appropriately and giving myself permission to feel it.

Excellent advice. Thank you. I used to be quite shut down emotionally. It got to the point of me being very rigid, un-empathetic, and detached from myself and others. Then when practicing relaxation exercises I discovered, much to my surprise, that all I really need to do with anything I feel is to embrace it and to feel. I discovered that if I embraced, owned and deeply felt whatever I might feel, I no longer HAD TO understand them or even DO SOMETHING about them. Emotions no longer had to make sense or call me to action. If it is possible to understand, then great. If it is possible to do anything useful, then wonderful. But bottom line, I did have to at the very least feel what I feel. Keeping that promise with myself that I will embrace and own all my emotions as mine brought me back to life, back to myself and back to others.

This really helped. I have a hard time expressing my anger and when that happens I end up punching things like walls or myself.

Needed this today, often feel overwhelmed with anger and deal with it in lots of unhelpful ways, love the video 😊❤️

I have so much anger all the time nowadays. It’s much like a volcano, it’s never gone, just dormant with a beautiful mess left from the last time it erupted. 😣

I have been watching your videos for a couple months now. I'm so thankful for all I'm learning! You give such great explanations and tips.

also something that helps me when i get angry is before i say anything i don't mean i step out of the situation and take deep breaths and usually after i'm done the urge to say something i don't mean goes away

Love watching the subs go up up up!!!!!!

My therapist is always asking me "what triggered that" ( my emotional in that moment ) my homework is to find my trigger. These are great ideas to find my trigger to any emotion. Angrier is the hardest to pinpoint. Definitely going to be doing the emotional collage! Thank you Katie!

I have been waiting for this video! Thanks, Katie!!!

Anger feels like a deep infection in my life. I couldn't express it, so it bled into aspects of my life where I wasn't aware, and figuring that out terrified me. I would be in a gathering of strangers where everyone was mingling and having a good time and I would feel every emotion shut down while I had these bizarre urges to manipulate these strangers into liking me just so I could eventually have the power to hurt them. It felt like an alien had possessed my body while I watched from the outside, wondering who the hell this person is. It was seriously scary. No matter how much you try to deny an emotion, it never goes away just because you decide it's not worth dealing with. Rather to let it out in a controlled environment than let it creep up on you in a really detrimental way.

I didnt expect you put subtitles un your videos im amazed with this you join all kind of people like me im mexican but i wach your vídeos before the subtitles thank you for all you doing to help people grettings from México city

What helped me the most is going vegan. I have social and generalized anxiety and it used to make me very easily irritated. I'd lash out at the smallest thing that was "wrong". The anxiety would exhaust me and I'd spend weeks at a time just completely tired out of my mind and that was the time it was the worst. After going vegan it only took a couple of weeks to notice the difference. I get back to normal much quicker after an anxious day, no more weeks of exhaustion, I feel anxious less too so it happens not only for shorter periods but far less often. And when something does go wrong I seem to be handling it much better. I don't lash out any more. Ever. At all. I do get upset at the news sometimes (injustice is what makes me most upset so if I catch a news story that makes my blood boil, I still get sad at the world and at the horrible people out there). But that's pretty much all. Can not recommend it enough. Go vegan!!!!

I really love your videos. I watched the neglectful parent one and absolutely related! It’s a bit hard to go to therapy right now but this is a great start for me thank you ❤️ I’m understanding myself more and more.

I am currently working with a youth who needs support in managing his aggression at home. I’m sure some of these suggestions will be used for the in-home therapist to use. I’ll be sure to pass it on. Wonderful video, as always Kati! Happy early New Year :)

I went to my first session with a counselor and tried to discuss this and it didn’t go well at all. And then you posted this video! Thank you Kati ❤️

Hope you had a great Christmas Kati 💕

Very, very helpful video. Thank you for putting this video out. I will try using these techniques. Very informative, this video just clicked with me.

I'm not kidding, I was thinking about this a few days prior. This is very useful, thanks! ^^

Wow I really loved and needed to See this. I have no clue how to deal with anger I anger in cause I hate anger lol. I am definetly doing these things. I always thought anger was bad because I had melt downs and felt hurt then felt guilt. Thank you so much for making these videos they are incredible

Love your videos Kati, this was really helpful. Anger is a strong emotion I feel every day and I never know how to deal with it so usually end up shouting at people and then feel crappy after. Your videos are always informative and helpful. Thankyou for everything you do xoxo

I rarely feel angry but when I do it's out of control. I think I feel vulnerable like when I'm sad. My dad was violent when he was angry so I'm sure that wasn't helpful. I have found journaling helpful. I don't cry or show my angry easily. I found this video helpfully. Especially using physical activity part and calming your system through meditation, deep breathing, etc. I think I will try that stuff.

Thank you soooooo much, this video really helped me!