What happens when you fall off the narcissist's pedestal? 

Omg 😲!! That's how I'm FEELING... like a Living sacrifice... & people that don't know me Only Believe what he says about me.. It's pathetic..

I was taught (maybe like many) to sacrifice myself. I had to learn that there are limits to how much I should give. And understand how to communicate needs and limitations I have to set healthy boundaries.

you are so correct x

That’s an amazing comment!!!! And accurate!!

That comment sounds like blame. You know nothing about me or my daughter or our circumstances. Blame does not belong on a site to educate & assist healing. There needs to be safety in dialogue not judgement.

Thanks for describing it so well

Your words are so true! Same here. God bless and keep you!

THIS!!!!! Every single word resonates! Coverts are the absolute worst. With overts, you at least know you're dealing with a venomous snake. Coverts are so sneaky and proceed with such stealth, it takes years for you to figure out that the real monster wasn't under your bed. The real monster was the one you were sleeping next to/having lunches and dinners with/confiding into about your heartaches.

@@1986nitya yep! The silence is deafening! Deny our very divine nature and existence! God bless you!

Perfectly put. We must do the opposite of The Bomb Disposal Squad... Run, DON'T Walk...! 😳👊🏼🏃🏼‍♂️

I'm currently doin that

I wish I knew this before. Thanks for the reminder!

I should hear this in my heart 9years ago

RUN

"Big tall red flag" 🚩💯

Same here. It’s so confusing

I am going through this right now! My husband and i were at a family wedding.People who I don’t know and many that I do know were being very cold towards me when I tried to make conversation they would shut me down others would just give me an evil look. At first I questioned myself saying inwardly is this really happening. I spoke to my husband who confirmed it was true. My Step daughter was acting out of character being overly friendly bordering on excitement. This made me wonder what she had been up to? Something happened (I would rather not say what) to humiliate me in front of everyone in the room. It was then that my husband stood up and said game over we are leaving. My husband found out from a friend that his own daughter my stepdaughter had spread vicious lies about me along with some of my husbands sisters. I am heart broken I am torn between still loving her and trying to forgive her. My husband is determined to keep her out of our lives I know he is right. I just wish I didn’t still love her.

I agree that's what my narc has done/did

YEa. It is almost like they are all playing from the same kind of playbook.

Same

AMEN!!!!

Nelumbo, well said. And rightly so!

Yes. You will never understand it unless you go through it.

So very well condensed in one sound bite, thank you! 😊

You are absolutely right! I wasted my precious time to get shutout and hated.

Omg. This is soo sooooo true.

Thanks for this comment!

jaim haas I am having trouble managing my hatred for her.

😭😭😭😭devalue & discarded after I devoted 13 genuine loving years(on my end) the pain& anger is indescribable.. standing firm. Healing and filing papers next month. So so thankful for revelation, because I had no clue narcissist even existed 🤢🤢🤮 vomit worthy to intentionally destroy a soul

Agree!

@@inspirationalt2143 just learned about this "illness" myself and have DEVOTED 2 decades with 3 beautiful kids... Such a hard pill to swallow that I allowed her to do this to me.

@@jaimhaas5170 🙏geesh it really is a shame. 3 kids as well.. I've been gaining as much knowledge as I can with these type of videos & applying all the knowledge. To be honest I felt at one point I could literally choke the life out of him😵🥴😓😭😭the best revenge is silently walking away & never allowing a human being to treat me in such a way!!!! Breaking the cycle☺️🙏😓

Excellent point. There's so many awesome people I miss out on working with because of narcissists there always splitting people up and there always around when I have money or a job offer that's higher then what I expected. But when I'm out of it there gone. I think at this point im about to change my approach. If they want me to be great then they should be greater. So the other day I turned down a higher offer so my other co worker could have it. I can't bare the thought of my loved ones so far behind and I decided I need to play catch up.

@@princessannabelle4524 Your best bet is to surround yourself with non-narcs and avoid fake friendships and fake relationships ... the emotional anguish that one has to endure by being and/or working with a narc is going to drain your energy ... so, it's mostly not worth it. The hell with narcs!

My ex did that to me after he broke up with me I ran into him around that time and he look at me with disgust then just a week ago trying to say hello to me in the streets (I ran away lol)

marina thats the answer i couldnt have said it any better

Nitya he does not know it yet but i went through his “Hoarding Box of every single girlfriend card and letter ever written to him” and took all mine out so he will never be able to go and read my stupid i worship you love letters and cards. Next i will go through his computer abs remove every picture that I’m in so he can’t revisit those either. When I’m finally gone, there will be no trace of me left behind.

The same he did to me ! Inhumane

Incredibly

Wowwww... So well said. They fall in love with themselves through us.

@@NS-uq9st We're all just ego functions to them. Narcissists' egos don't function properly.

True

😭😭😭😭 current

I went through the same situation. 😥

Inspirational T I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I didn’t know it at the time I went through it, but believing in your worth is key.

Ash M I’m sorry you had to go through this.

Girly Nerds 😂 a yard dog! That’s a good one.. Mine treated me like a sewer rat 😂

It’s not funny, but I find myself laughing at my gullibility ... so happy to have found this Chanel.. we are not stupid.. just a big lesson

@@michellegomez1300 When they're good to us they're soooo good. And it feels like a normal healthy relationship until..... it's not! And now you're confused... yet again! 🤷🏽‍♀️

He tells people that I am mean to him. yes gourmet food and hand sewn clothes. that's the kind of meaness I give out. If I am so mean to him WHY WHY doesn't he leave....cause he knows he will be on the street, homeless, begging. I am his energy, his luck, what made him great until he couldn't handle the whores to keep away from our house and business. he shuffles 4 to 5 at a time depending how much he works. of course he works less than what he spends. I am the one he cheaps out with. Whores go first class.

Until you're not a person to them. Just a commodity,a novelty that has weard off.

This is exactly my thought as I was listening. Are we wrong for putting Dr Ramani on a pedestal? 🤔 Seriously, this priceless content is bringing sanity to my life! I ❤️ @DrRamani and her wisdom.

😂🤣😂🤣😂

@@lizmia777 I want to mention that Dr Ramani even said that no one is meant to be on a pedestal, even though she and others are assisting millions of people now! I'm always aware that the narcissism counsellors etc are human beings, who aren't perfect either and make mistakes. I'm in my 60s now and remember when movie stars etc were put on pedestals, yet many of them had unhealthy relationships and/or drank lot, or whatever. In fact, the entertainment industry is full of highly narcissistic people who are doing what they do best, which is acting, but there is a lot of hard work involved as well. 😊

Just don't do it! Didn't you learned anything when listening to this!!!

mhairiherriot Amen. That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to verbalise about some feelings & am not able to verbally communicate it just like you did. Thank you for saying what I couldn’t. 👍🏼🌸🌷🌼

Traci Dawn Love Love It took me a wee while to see the wood amongst the trees 🤷🏻‍♀️☺️ and whenever I feel a little wobble- I watch some videos on here to validate my feelings and soldier on!!

Yes, The shame just being me...The feeling of being set up to fail....then the threat...If I fail to do things his way....oh boy....the end of the world for me! 🇨🇦❤️🌈🌎

Suketa Patel I think it would perhaps be the end of the world for them if you manage to see the goodness in yourself You eventually find the strength to get up, dust yourself down and fight harder for happiness 💪

mhairiherriot , yes you are absolutely right. Directing awareness towards happiness inside breaks their ego apart. They always try to find a way to pull us down when they see our happiness and joy! To fight harder for happiness is to see clearer their insane attitudes and thoughts and judgements. By this, we can forgive them for they do not know what they do, what they are. The insane grandiosity they carry is not within their awareness. It sickens me and sometimes it makes me laugh too. I see them as angry children having a tantrum because they did not get their way....My narcissist husband verbally abuses me. I have learned to put boundaries. There was a time when enough was enough...almost divorced him because he felt powerless when I was finally able to speak my truth. Mine does not allow me to see my family due to family drama and events...had nothing to do with me. Their karma, not mine......oh yeah! He hates it when I give him back his baggage. I have no friends.A tumour grew on my spine due to this narcissistic energy, a slow growing tumour of 21 years of marriage had to be removed from my spine in 2016. and I became physically and psychologically sick due to chronic back pain tumour extraction and fibromyalgia that i live with today....all due to the narcissistic energy I was not even aware of for all those years.....I always thought everything was my fault.All I asked for is love.....from everyone....but he and my parents made me feel so unloved. But I have accepted it all with what psychologists call radical acceptance because my children need their father.I threw away the heavy bag of karma off my back and died to my story. It was never my story...it was theirs but I got entangles because I believe in peace. Suffering, like buddha....helped me to wake up to who I am, You are right, we must get back on our feet. To fight is to stay in the heart. Love everyone but with detachment, for they do not know what they do as Christ says. I fight my battles with love...love....he cannot stand that light! That which comes from the heart of Christ cannot be attacked. Stones can be thrown on me, but the light of love protects me. Love with detachment....What is detachment? The understanding that we are all just playing roles to learn who we are....If we let go of the role in the mind, there will be no story. Detachment is allowing them to be who they wish to be.....good or bad....love or fear....but love and peace is who I wish to be. Nobody belongs to us, they too came to this earth to have an experience....with awareness or without. I have learned to finally speak my truth to the narcissist husband, My heart being open and forgiving does not mean that I will continue to be a punching bag for the narcissist and grow another tumour on my spine, Today the narcissist is aware that I am aware of the narcissistic grandiosity......this is the best thing I can do for now. Also, I have learned to shift my awareness to things I love to do....like skateboarding with my kid! And going diving and soon to go surfing when all this Covid thing is over. Who I am inside I have the power to control. Blessings of peace to you my dear! May we all find happiness inside while amongst the narcissist.♥️Thank you for allowing me to share🙏

Nope, they were crap and you shouldn't value their opinion anyway!

Yup!

Yes I understand trying to be perfect. Many many years just finding out why now damaged self-esteem yes

@@joseenoel8093 please do not minimize what someone feels here

PERFECTLY STATED.THE MOST SAD PART IS TOO MANY PEOPLE LEAVE OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART:THE GOD FACTOR.

@@ericking4072 Because God protected you so well from the narc in the first place. But then those of us who are not religious "deserve" what we get.

Dare I say, they "encourage" you to be better than them so as to cover their inadequacies

@@Muhdreza1 Some of them do. Sometimes that's because they want you not to call them on the scummy stuff they are doing because you're "too good"!

@@lefantomer SORRY YOU'RE BUTTHURT,BUT"RELIGIOUS"PEOPLE PUT JESUS THE CHRIST ON THE CROSS.IT'S A RELATIONSHIP.YOU SHOULD SEEK HIS FACE WHILE TIME ALLOWS.SOON THE SON OF PERDITION WILL ASSUME CONTROL.THEYWILL TRY&MARK YOU SO YOU CANNOT BUY OR SELL WORK OR TRADE.EVERYTHING WRITTEN ABOUT IS COMING TO PASS.....TRUTH.

Mine's lucky if I get out of my pjs, my neighbours too!

Ash M The x never cared much either way so I stopped putting in the effort for him and started feeling good about myself instead. Getting any positive acknowledgement or even a compliment from him was a miracle!

You do something to help them and they criticized you for doing it wrong.

H Myers Ya, damned either way

Yup had that

Yes, learning about narcissism has helped me see my sister's covert destruction. I've recently realized she has been plotting my fall for about five years. She was very gradual about it. Lots of gas lighting. She gave me a t-shirt four years ago, a random gift. It has a black sheep on it with the label Black Sheep. I thought it a very odd gift. Now I see it as a clear message announcing her intent to kick me out of my own family. Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani, for remembering us on a holiday.

KR ditto!!

Omg this.

Set and maintain boundaries with your parents. The grandparents don't have custody of your children do they? If not limit contact particularly unsupervised. If so im not sure i would split and say "grandma is a narcissist" or insult primary caregiver to child as that will confuse and hurt child further. Has to be age appropriate, not sure how old kids are. But if you suspect abuse, neglect, unsafe home for your kids then report them right

KR My son has no contact with his grandmother, as he’s never really known her, and as the bad has always outweighed the good there is no loss there. It still hurts when I think of how things could have been but we are both better off. I made the decision when he was about one year old.

Thanks for your thoughts! We are lucky because we live far away so we rarely see them and we have managed to avoid unsupervised contact under the guise of family time. I am worried about how to address the issue of narcissism with my children because children are especially vulnerable to narcissistic family members.

Good for you. I left my family after my parents died.

@@puregrit8057 Smart move! A healthy relationship is reciprocal. Family doesn't have to be blood related.

My dad put my eldest sister on a pedestal... golden child.. I am the black sheep. She decided a lot in my dads place when younger ... Everyone sees her as “great” ...I see her for what she is, does and say.

@@gilmourishgilmourish6205 My half-brother is the golden child! He can't do anything wrong! I am the family scapegoat so I can't do anything right. It's a shame that dysfunctional family systems cause so much pain. I hope you heal from all of your pain.

L Lakes : the last three years I was a lot in contact with my eldest sister but she always says” you know what you should do”..always telling me what to do. When I left the narc guess who I couldn’t rely on? Her! She didn’t want all the drama and she actually never believed me. I had to let go of her too. I don’t feed her any info.. then she calls my eldest brother, who’s happy with the attention..if I am working?? I was so mad that he fell for her trap. I don’t have social media. My dad wanted to buy me a motorcycle when I was 16, she said no. A car .. no. But he bought her a ring worth lots ... I don’t belong in this family.

Yelling at the victims of narcissists is never helpful. Nowhere did Dr. Ramani imply that anyone should just "lie there".

@@myafaire1682 we are yelling not against the victims,against narcissistic abuse.

I would say it's safe to say they don't change, they only get old...most likely alone. We mature as we get old, they don't mature, that is part of the narcissist trait.

Dr. Ramani, will you do a video on what Pat Bagley requested about aging Narcissist please

Erika A rest now even if you have too sleep ten hours a day, sleep sleep regain your mental balance. 🙏

alcoholic narcissists can destroy an empath

Erika A am married to an alcoholic narcissist. It’s draining. We are separated and have been for a while but he’s already told me he’s filing for a divorce and I have kinda made my peace with it now cause he constantly did the pull push , but I am unable to get over the infidelity and I did break when I was alone but always put up a front like it’s ok It don’t matter no more to me. He’s a mean obnoxious vile vindictive person so I am being the boring person whenever he calls so the process is easy to get out .

Sançia Anderson mine cheated on me and wanted counselling. He would just be charming in therapy and make me feel that I am the crazy one. Let’s stay strong! 💪

Erika A lunatics! Yes let’s stay strong ! We deserve better

Cathy Tilford mine ignored me too. I even reached out to her with no response.

maybe you know why xD

@@gapereraoficial that sounds like a judgement.

@@cathytilford388 Do you know how she came to be narcissistic?

@@gapereraoficial no one knows this for sure, so many theories. Her father had full blown disorder from my research & living with him for years. I barely got out alive because of violent rages that started after she was born. I managed to get out when she was 2. This was early 70s, no info about anything at that time. My mother was narcissistic ,also my sister & brother. It runs through the family.

cheralyse Good for you for speaking your truth✌️ that’s takes courage 😊 Ironic how we devalue them when they devalue us. They devalue us for being flawed humans and we devalue them as a result of being mistreated, demeaned and dehumanized.

U mean tits

@Diva R are you kidding? I'm a Crazy person... Eat my shit

I had to learn how to forgive myself for being a dummy and forgive them and let them go. Just hold on to the lessons you have learned and let the rest go. I ask the universe or God to take it from me. Keep busy giving yourself joy and the tears get less over time. Love and light brave warrior. X

Well put. I think that the more self-love we develop, the more that we realize the unhealthy dynamics going on in the relationships

Same here. I put him on pedestal, calling evil good.

I did it too....and I think it was my fault. We give them the love and honour we should be giving to ourselves. I spent many days crying over men who I had loved too much. It dawned on me.. I must change my behaviour and put up barriers myself as protection. As an empath and healer I just fell for it again. But I recognise the misplaced love to him should have gone to myself and my family. At least I didnt waste years this time. Just a few months. But just shows how you need to protect yourself if you love too much. I had to forgive myself all over again.. but now I know how to....it was much easier. Love and light my friends. ❤👍⚖🌻

I understand

This is the time to make a plan. Get online therapy if you can, and learn from Dr. Ramani how to build your self-esteem and awareness. Be very careful about what you say so that you don't place yourself in harm's way.

Life is short. If you're sad because you are with your husband more it's a sign you should get divorced.

Don't waste your precious time. RUN asap and start living the life you deserve and pursue your dreams ! God bless you stay strong 💪

Elisa Psicóloga-Life Coach It’s such a devastating toxic dysfunctional family dynamic to recover from.

loooooooooooool

That’s funny. My ex wouldn’t stop farting all the time snd had to announce it before she told me every single time. I finally brought it up that she didn’t need to do that and she held that against me and became bitter.