What I HATE About Being Autistic - Life Without Understanding & Acceptance 

“Let’s be friends again. You do all the work” 😂 I have never related to somebody so much before that moment and you made me laugh out loud. Thank you again for making these videos.

1) dyspraxia, proprioception differences, clumsiness 2) social interactions, social cues, communication 3) being misunderstood, being taken the wrong way, being misjudged 4) muscle tone, unable to stay still, never comfortable in own skin 5) traits annoying people, such as extreme curiosity, intensity, overthinking, relentless analysis, info-dumping 6) lack of friends, loneliness, difficulty maintaining relationships, uncertainty about how to navigate relationships 7) lack of knowledge and acceptance in society!!!

People do always take me the wrong way. It's definitely the thing I hate the most.

Asking questions! Yep, My family said I was born asking the question WHY? Now that I know I am autistic, I realise I was trying to understand the world around me.

Living in a world that's not meant for me, I find that, above all other things I don't like about being autistic, I don't like not understanding myself. God I hate the fact that everyone around me, despite saying how all they live through is hardship, seem to be participating in a big elegant dance with the world around them, while I'm here with a full body cast trying to do the same and, naturally, not being very good at it. Trying to be a part of that whole dance all my life has meant that I've never stopped to take the time and figure out who "I" actually am, as a person, outside of how I'm "supposed" to be, according to the world around me.

I have aspergers and personally it's like hell for me because I have a hard time making eye contact, I have memory problems, I sometimes have a hard time understanding jokes, I'm sound sensitive, and much more. I wish autism was curable

As an autistic person I loved all of the points. Being constantly misunderstood and not understanding everyone else is the worst thing by far and everybody not understanding how hard I'm trying all day. The background music you chose made it hard to process what you were saying though.

"Unless you walk up to me and say, "I like you", I don't think that you DO." ☺️ I felt that! I can definitely relate.

Being misunderstood was so painful as a child. Luckily, I have a neurodiverse friend/partner in life now and he gets me.

I'm with you on all these "Hate-able" traits, but the worst for me is "No friends". I'm 81, college grad, 6 yrs military, 20 years construction business, 2 sons, 3 grandsons, but no friends from all that. Clumsiness: I still remember as a hs freshman watching other guys dance wondering how and where they learned to dance so well and why I couldn't. I've lived alone for 40 years because it's so much easier. Thank You for your very helpful posts.

Old as a 60-year-old autistic female, I can tell you that what you say you hate about autism is exactly the same as I do. It’s quite refreshing to be able to hear it from someone else that what I’m thinking is true. It’s a great blessing to know that there are others who understand. Thank you for your videos and your spirit and your happiness and your intelligence. Thanks for sharing all this with us.

I have a hard time making eye contact, I sometimes have a hard time understanding jokes take it literally particularly Aussie humour which is very sarcastic and certain social cues. I'm definitely an over thinker and can be overly analytical just like Orion. I'm definitely an introverted person, suffer a bit of social anxiety and always being a bit of loner due to my Asperger's syndrome.

I've watched several of your videos and I feel like I'm in a therapy session 😌 It's so comforting to know that this daily nightmare I live in isn't unique or freakish. The hypersensitivity, multiple anxiety, and straight forward/unable to sugar-coat facts as I've always called it, make me like people repellent. My own family included. I'm wife in my mid 40s and I can relate to every bit of this. I can't understand people, why I can't just "say it like it is" and expect others to be straight forward to me as well. I feel like every person I meet hates me 😔 I'm so tired of the struggle, and loneliness 😪 Thank you so much for helping us and more importantly I feel, helping us feel like we matter. Thank you 💙

I remember I read through an autism/aspie community website once and recognised myself, got offended, and left. 😂 "I'm in this picture and I don't like it" I don't remember what those points were. Maybe something about being misunderstood, honest, loyal, sensitive to detail, having thin skin, etc. I felt like I was being called out like they were bad things. I always thought growing up, that society was wrong and mean and didn't have empathy. I never suspected that there was something wrong with me - that the bullies were right. I guess that's it - I don't "have autism". I am the way I am, I'm being genuinely myself, I was born like this, this is my temperament. I hated the idea of going to therapy for being bullied because I didn't need fixing. I could see everything wrong with the school community's social dynamics so clearly. I saw it as a leadership issue. Me at 14. I 'got over it', I accepted that being unique got me too much attention and started to blend myself in. I started paying attention to teenage girls' fashion, talking style and gestures. I guess most people do this subconciously at 12, and not grudgingly and intentionally at 16. Idk? It's hard to walk the wire now. I'm always a bit nervous how people will perceive me. Socialising politely often feels like an act. I'm so used to being judged for everything that made me me. It used to feel like people were using my name as a slur. For some years every time someone would say my name I would internally flinch. So I learned to pretend that I'm casual, and to cool my heart. When people avoided me I pretended I preferred being alone. I numbed my emotions and put on a polite mask. Pretended I didn't notice that people never preferred me. So now when I try to engage with people, I'm wary, and although I've learned to be a bit more optimistic, there's always the risk that they will notice that I'm the same person as in highschool and they're supposed to treat me like I was treated back then. That if I don't wear the right thing, or smile the right way, my mask will fall off. And sometimes it feels safer to be alone, but that doesn't mean I want to. I'm actually really warm and affectionate with my friends. So it's hard when I don't know people's true faces. I don't know how much to give away. People can be really good at hiding their disgust in you. I want to take that act at face value but it's hard. Deciding between protecting your dignity or trusting someone with your humanness, that they could then choose to hurt you.

Love these videos. I'm 71 yo man. Found out last year. So much in my life is explained now.

I adore you!! You do the best videos. I watch many. My bf is autistic high functioning mechanical engineer. However he is in deep denial about it. He says he doesn't have an ailment lol.. I've been handling this relationship for 1.5 yr, the best I can as I'm very patient. Is getting more difficult. Ugh 😒😭 I'm in love with him.. I have mixed emotions about our future.

What I hate about being a person with autism is looking back over my life and realizing how much effort others have spent in accommodating my limitations. In situation after situation, people have spent extra time and energy to keep me comfortable because I was, without realizing, making things difficult. It has not been easy to be my family member or friend or co-worker. I have left a trail of turmoil. Sadly, I can't even make amends or apologize because I've outlived nearly all of them.

I so appreciate these honest videos. When people try to downplay the effects of these it actually make me feel so much more alone and broken. When I hear that other people share my experiences and are pissed about it I almost want to high-five them! 🙌🏻 Yay! Same damage! That actually makes me feel more connected to people.

Rarely, i will preface a statement in conversation with “i won’t lie to you...”. I don’t know why i do it. I think I’m mimicking other people when they have conveyed to me a serious or relevant point. I don’t lie or cheat regardless, but sometimes when people are telling you things that are clearly designed to make you question how you could be autistic but SO gifted, “i wont lie to you I’m not mildly gifted i tested as moderately gifted” is like pouring the truth out and letting THEM know YOU know being gifted and being autistic are not mutually exclusive

2:36 "Becuase in the end we all have to live on the same planet". Sometimes I think I'm from a completely different planet as everybody else is is so different to me. I'd love to live somewhere where life is like the way it used to be.

I’m actually the one to always reach out to people, but I’m always last on their list. I’m just not likable to neurotypicals. It feels like a one way street.

Wow, the things I never realized were my autistic traits are so clear once I hear you say them here. I know each autistic person has unique traits and challenges, and I believe I also married an autistic person, but he doesn't share all of my quirks. I now realize we just differ. We shouldn't ask each other to change what we cannot about ourselves; we should learn to better understand what we have no control over and how taxing it is to mask at home on top of in the world outside our home. Thanks so much for your insights!

Just found this one. LOVE THIS! I am autistic. Period. Full stop It is exhausting living in a neurotypical world. But who says we have to? Don't get me started in that direction. For those that can't get their head around it, not my problem. Of course I get pissed with myself when I just can't. But then, the more I learn about my reality (last bloomer, found out at 50,still not diagnosed at 61) the more kind I am to myself about my range and limitations. That's the expectations I choose to live up to. I'm leaning about burn out and the tremendous effort I put out to compensate for my inability to run with the pack - so now I'm getting a new pack! Thank you so much Orion for al that you do. I'm blessed to be autistic and wired differently, in so many ways. Connecting with others has helped, and your ability to express things I didn't even know were related or a byproduct of autism regularly blows my mind.

I agree with all that you have said. I live in my shed because of the interactions I have had over my years on this planet. Its much easier for me. Thanks for the information.

you should have more subscribers! really like your videos.

It is such a relief to not be the only one with this experience. When I was young, my mom would tell me something and I would ruminate over every word. One thing she said that I will always remember, she said, "you worry about all the wrong things!" Well, my life was a proverbial crap show (as you have described very well here). But when she said that, it was a revelation, I worried about everything already,but apparently there were things I should worry about, and I didn't even know what they were. Her not telling me what they were, I concluded I must be a hopeless case, and that my situation would never get better. I could sum up my aspirations "to learn to become invisible" and was very clear about my biggest problem--I needed to go away and there was nowhere to go. I remember that walking was one of my favorite things--between the time I left a place and the time I arrived where I was going, I was free, nobody cared where I was, and they were not disappointed to see me leave or arrive. I could not make a mistake in those moments and at least twice a day I could count on this respite of a quiet mind.

im tired of the meltdowns or dysregulation over small things. im tired of losing things and finding them in spots i checked multiple times. im tired of the rage, the self harm, the clumsiness, the lack of feeling body cues or being able to understand them...im tired of the barriers to help, and diagnosis and that even if you do get one, people not believing its real and that i am autistic whether they think so or not. god this whole video just hits. sorry to dump in your comments Orion but thank you bc I needed to somewhere where I wont hear how i shouldnt feel this way and i can get it out. thank you.

ive dealt with the clumsiness in a weird way, well, my own way. i used to practice bellydanse in my home as a stress relief. i now use it in my workplace as a countermeasure, as long as i have a good song in my head, my body just stops thinking so overly much and just flows with the silent beat. it helps so very much, especially when things are too busy. i wait tables for a living.

This video made me laugh and i feel validated, thank you. I was recently snapped at by a guy (I'm a girl and intimidated by manly guys) for 'complaining' when I was actually trying to be helpful to people by providing information. I was totally taken aback and he was then grumpy at me for ages. I have a delayed response to things and now I'm angry and can't let it go, but have nowhere to put it. Being misinterpreted negatively is a recurring issue for sure. My last therapist called me narcisstic because i tried to explain what i needed in therapy. I still dont understand what she was talking about. Makes me want to avoid people when this happens. They dont believe me when I say thats not what I was doing or intended etc etc

Lol this ! So on point and hilarious

Thank you so much for this video. I’m 56 and sure I’m autistic and the more I watch your videos the more I’m sure. I’m debating on getting a diagnosis but can’t see what difference it’ll make to my life now. I don’t work as I also have muscular dystrophy but my working life was always difficult and I jumped from one career to another. Every one of the points you talked about was exactly like me. Anyway thanks again and you’re awesome 🤩 x

Been accused of being negative when I was being honest. Not just my opinion but outright truth being expressed. Weird right....😪

I hate how If I have conversations with more then one person. I’m ignored while they talk all the time. I hate how I can’t feel connected to like the other two people in the conversation can. I get infuriated by this and it makes me want to avoid people altogether. I feel so on my own it sucks, Robin Williams said “ I used to think the worst thing was being alone, it’s not the worst thing is being around people who make you feel alone.” That’s what I feel like as an autistic person around others who aren’t autistic. I’m always a third and it makes me feel absolutely worthless.

this video is so easy for me to relate to. Thanks Orion.

One of my favorites! Thank you!

😂 I absolutely love it and agree with everything completely! Thank you so much for your honesty! Finally I have found out where I belong!

Great video Orion, thank you. I agree with all you say.

my husband and I were just talking the other day and we were realizing that when it comes to socializing: I'm more introverted than he is so I'm less motivated to socialize and I have a small social battery, he comes from a loud family so he likes socializing and is more motivated but also has a small social battery and social deficits. So I'm better as an NT at socializing but don't like much of it, but my husband needs some help socializing but likes much more of it so we've been learning to balance each other out lol when you talked about friendships that made me think of my husband

The energy In this video is so awesome I can't help but laugh I love it so much XD

~ eight ~ people's inscrutable faces especially when interacting and older women who all look alike to me, worse are dumb face, scared face, angry face and zero blank stare no emotion face, plus best thing about blessed solitude is NO ONE staring/judging!

Dude, I am so bad with asking so many questions when someone is trying to tell me something. I do it pretty intensely to my husband lol. I've thought about it a bit because I realized I was annoying him with it, but I'm certainly not doing it to be annoying, like u said. I'm doing it because I'm interested in what he's saying and want to understand well all the ins and outs, yeah maybe it's related to overthinking. When I thought about it I realized that when I'm trying to explain something that I have maybe not a totally solid understanding of I do feel annoyed at being questioned, especially if it forces me to face that I don't have a good understanding. Sometimes it's just sort of a loose concept or something. I don't know if I'm making sense lol. The point is that if I'm not asking questions maybe what u r saying is very simple or something I already understand perfectly or I'm just not listening lol

I absolutely get tired sitting in a chair. I have a lot of difficulty with keeping postures for a long time. And I've seen it in a lot of other autistic people too.

You described me to a T. Thanks for your help and your work.

Never comfortable. I could spend 3 hours a day twice a day taking a hot bath. If I had a pool I would live in it in the warmer months. That’s the only time I’m comfortable. Or if I’m unconscious/sleeping. ✅

superb

Hi - It's hard to follow with the beatbox music in the background? Would you consider ever publishing your content without music? I get distracted by it and find myself rewinding a lot and of course without closed captions I'd never know what you were saying - Anyway - you're a gem - keep on bumping! (ouch - hit my hand on the space key...)

Hi Orion. I agree with all those points 100%. I am 74 and autistic (and Australian), and my son and grandson are autistic. My life has been both exciting and over the top (because I did not know life is not supposed to be like that), but unfortunate in many ways for the reasons you just gave, and because I am epileptic. One thing you did not mention is that life can wear an autistic down RAPIDLY, and this has had catastrophic results for me. By the way, I have no tolerance for the background music you use, so I have to turn off the volume. If you're ever in Gosford, let's get together and pretend we're old friends, whatever that means. Love your channel. I would dearly love to have a channel like yours, but I'm afraid that I'll make a fool of myself, as I am extremely chatty. I think that I could help people on both sides of the fence, all of which makes me feel even more guilty, if that's even possible.(So beeing an autistic Catholic kid was no picnic.)

I can relate so much to the social interaction point 😂 most people communicate indirectly, putting sugars and being diplomatic and I don't understand what they mean. It's like the second I hear a sentence, my brain immediately starts branching out here and there considering all the possibilities of meaning that lies in the very sentence, sometimes at the same time I would need the definition of a certain word or two in the sentence first before I get it, and I'm expected to understand in split seconds, because obviously I'm in a real-time conversation. It can be very exhausting. So really, sometimes I'm talking to myself like "can y'all just please tell me verbally, simply and literally?" 😂 Also being misunderstood and taken the wrong way, I get that too sometimes. I don't use sarcasm so what I say are without hidden meaning, but maybe I say things in the wrong voice tone or because of my resting bit** face, maybe because of my dry sense of humour.. the next thing that happens after I say something people would mildly snap and get offended, and I'm left confused 😬 Yesss, what friends? Lol same here, I have met many people and made some friends but over time they came to zero. Well almost. I have this one oversea friend who doesn't give up on me. Sometimes I would not text back for days just because I need breaks from social interaction, even with my own family. When I'm fully recharged and ready, then I text back, he would always respond like nothing happened. Sometimes I feel bad and selfish for having to 'disappear' but he seems to understand me and I really appreciate that he's still around.

I got brought to HR in two different jobs because I was curious about someone else's job. They really couldn't understand why I wanted to know. Sheesh. What an eye opener. It's them, not me. BTW, these were factory jobs. I worked one white collar job where my supervisor left suddenly and I was the only one who knew about his job. I was then in charge of 13 people. Only 24 years old.

YES AGREE WITH EVERYTHING I SUFFER ALL THAT TOO

Early intervention is worthless when you don't have a model.

And the thing is that there are a lot of neurotypical people who try to understand me when I explain things to them, and then they THINK they understand at the time; but then the next time I see them, they ask me the same questions all over again. And it makes me wonder if I should bother, and whether they are REALLY listening, or if they just pick out the parts that they want to hear (that justifies their negative thoughts about why I have more than a couple of disorders for, why I haven't overcome them yet, and why I don't live my life the way THEY do (or the way they want me to). Or they say that they understand why I do things, and that everybody else does them too sometimes (and so they therefore think they understand how my brain operates) . . . until the next time we meet, and I have to explain things all over again. And I am just like, "If you truly understand all of my quirks and why I do certain things, then why do I have to spend like an hour explaining every small detail? When I can naturally spend time with my bestie (who I strongly believe is autistic) and I hardly have to explain a thing. She will say things out loud that I was already thinking, and when I explain an issue, she gets it immediately, probably 95% of the time. Therefore, having conversations with her doesn't drain half of my energy for the day, because I don't even have to say that much. From my life experiences and observations, that is a perfect demonstration of somebody who understands me. And if I didn't have one or two people in my life like that, I would feel truly alone in this big world, no matter how many people I surround myself with. It's nice to have someone who doesn't invalidate your experiences and gaslight you. To tell someone that something bad happened to you, and they don't tell basically tell you, "No it didn't! It must of just been YOU!" Because I can tell her something without her refuting it, because she knows that she wasn't there to experience it, and therefore couldn't possibly know anything about it (up until I told her). It doesn't make sense to me why somebody would just oppose me, based on a story that they just made up in their heads, and then expect me to replace their made up story with my own real life experience. And I am just like, "Hey, I was there, you weren't! I am fully capable of seeing what's in front of my face, and hearing the words that so-and-so has spoken to me; and I have a memory (and can remember whether someone called me a name 30 times or not). When people try to dismiss my experiences, it gives me the impression that they must think that I am pretty stupid and incompetent, despite how coherent I am during my conversation with them. My coherence alone should be able to tell somebody that, "Hey, I am capable of absorbing the information that they are giving me, and often repeat it back to them in my own words (which suggests that I am able to understand what is being said to me, and, that I have a memory). And if I speak in this way to the average person, I often get the impression that they don't know what to make of it all (and the end result once again, is that I am misunderstood, despite the detail and clarity that I give). Since I can't be anymore clear, I give up trying to explain to them that we have two very different brains (which for some reason gets taken in a negative way; it doesn't have to be negative, it's just a plain observation (neither good or bad, it just is what it is)). 🙏

Thank you so much for these videos! A 64-year-old autistic person here. Hate also all of these things. And I also have vestibular migraine! Is there a connection with autism, do you know?

And I should add that I do DO always ask relevant questions up and until the point the story talker just either talks over me or says "just listen to the story, OK?" always in a disturbed or annoyed voice so if I dare ask any questions after that well, THAT's when they become just BS masking shit I have to suffer frucking through to get a ride somewhere even though I pay them ...

One thing i find strange is that Autists can say "I am Autistic" but people with ADHD can only say "I have ADHD" also i dont really mind saying i have Autism. like you can say i have an Autism diagnosis so its just short for that. Its also not worth getting mad over so little semantics.

🤩

Orion, I'm working on a new video about why Autistic and Neurotypical language are different languages. I found some research that indicates it's impossible for a Neurotypical to just use literal language to communicate with an Autistic person. They have a built in brain wiring thing interposed between when their senses take in raw information and when it reaches their consciousness that prevents them from using literal language. I'm not sure where that leaves this problem, though. And, certainly, Neurotypical language is used against Autistic people, rather than to communicate with us, and makes us suffer. The way we Autistics feel about it is certainly valid. I'm not sure what can be done about this problem, though. Unless AI can be programmed to assist. It's a real impass.

15:47 wow in all senses

OK - I got caught in a long loop of just rewinding and then the background music would catch my attention and it's driving me bat nutty crazy so I'm going to rewind a bit and turn the volume off and see if I do better actively listening with just closed captions - I will let you know (people think I'm an ass when I ask them if "we" ... (you) can turn the radio off and literally the reason is so that I can attempt to keep up with what they are blabbing at me that I'm not concerned with as I'm looking out the window but if you WANT me to comment back or give my thoughts to you on the subject you HAVE to turn off the radio and other than that if I'm saying things like "Oh how nice" or "That must have been a really big surprise for you" or "Now, did your aunt live near you growing up?" I DON'T CARE - BUT I DO CARE WHY ARE THEY CUTTING DOWN THOSE ROWS OF TREES AND WHAT IS THAT RED FLOWER THAT I KEEP SEEING (uh oh - big breath - ranting I see - and here I go but it's like blinking I can't help it ... sorry ;(

please no music

❤ Q Orion:- Point 1 "to be honest" is a more subtle version of "if I'm honest" with the same or similar hidden connotation, or is it? 🤔

Gets on with it @3:20

We are the real cassandra

Dear Orion, that background music irritate me, Please, no music while you talk.

Why did you think it was a good idea to background music playing in a video whose main audience would be other autistics?

I don't like the term disorder.

The background music is annoying and distracting.

89! i thought you were 77 yo?

Waiting for a cure

Wait...this sounds like "neurotypicals" are the ones who are broken. I'm not autistic, and I tire off having to play games with people to avoid earning the wrath of "normies".

13:07 - You're married. You have a family. Your number of long term connections is definitely non-zero

I feel this way..why is it that when I am myself, being honest, with no ill intention..why do I hurt others? I have a particularly bad relationship with my mother. I have to hide and suppress myself, I don't even like me!! 🦖🥸😵‍💫