I am making myself a long dress and writing that in fabric paint.....maybe I should tie dye a few and it can be my new thing. Because imma be honest. I was never a girly girl but unless they're leggings with elastic stirrups under the arch...or yoga slacks...I refuse to wear pants! So my character punchline could be bout fighting against the pantriarchy.
1st one: treating your kids like they are in charge of everything, then begging them to do what you say 2nd: telling your kids how it is, matter-of-factly without being mean
@@dreamkitty yup, instead of being unhappy because they can't do what they want if there were no restrictions, they're redirected to what they can control. It's a fairly healthy coping mechanism to teach them early on too
@@dreamkitty Yes, choices are given for a few reasons. It allows the children to feel in control of their own lives, choices make making decisions less overwhelming, and you're giving them options of things you want them to wear/do so no long arguments. From experience, they don't always choose but they will choose when it comes down to them choosing or you choosing. Even in timeouts. The kids in my class get a choice, they either go into timeout or they stop the undesirable behavior. They usually don't stop and are given the choice to go to timeout or be carried over by me. They always go on their own before I get to 1.
@@julieannanderson2228 also when it comes to stuff like clothes I think it has an extra benefit that kids often can't explain very well and that's how material of a certain shirt feels and sometimes they don't want that. My niece would throw tantrums when dressed in certain shirts sometimes but we figured out she would happily pick a different one, over time we figured out all the shirts she would sometimes complain about had the same type of feel to them material wise. She just didn't quite know how to explain herself.
Something that I've found with littles! Give them the illusion of choice. Instead of "will you put on your shoes?" They just want to say no. But if you say like "right or left?" They forget no even existed
I did this with my swim lesson kiddos. It easily cut the crying for a few students to basically nothing. A lot of them really didn't want to be there on their first lesson, crying that they didn't want to get in. By the end of the sessions a few of them were crying that they didn't want to get out. Definitely took a few lessons for a few students to realize I actually enforced the rules I set, and that puppy dog eyes and crying didn't work.
With dinner I ask my toddler what he's going to bite first and point at 2 completely indifferent spots and he gets to choose what he wants first while still eating his dinner. It works 😂
“I don’t like pants either but apparently they’re not optional” - my parents when teaching my autistic self that I couldn’t just strip in the middle of the hotel lobby at age 12
My son is on the spectrum as well and I so relate to that! Also, her second example of parenting skills is very similar to my own and it worked very well for us.
I do that with the little kids I work with with shoes. I don’t like wearing shoes, they’re uncomfortable to me so I tell kids who take off their shoes, “I don’t like shoes either, but we all have to wear them at school.” Helps them understand better when they feel that you don’t something too but we have to do it anyway
@@kaylee1769 Yes, I do this too! We expect young kids to follow us because "I told you to," but as adults we follow rules because we reason through it and understand that the rules are there for good reasons. Their brains can't yet reason through things the same way as us adults, but why leave them in the dark and force them to follow blindly when we could help them and spell the reasons out for them ourselves?
I made the switch to skirts when I was 16. It didn’t help that I was struggling to find trousers that were curvy enough for my hips yet still slim enough for my waist and short enough for my legs by then.
My daughter was like this when she was little so I got a hanging sweater organizer for her closet and on Sunday we'd fill it with six outfits down to the socks and hair ties. Then every morning she could pick a shelf and knew to put on everything in it. It made mornings so much easier
Everyone’s losing it at the “fight the pantriarchy” meanwhile I was already losing it at being in charge “of your own criminal record.” Definitely telling that to my nephew next time he fights me about his car seat when I pick him up🤣
“As long as you’re under [age of responsibility where you live], I’m the one who has to pay the fine if I don’t make sure you’re safe while you’re in my car.”
I absolutely use "if you don't do this, I get in trouble because they expect me to force you as the grown up. When you are the only one who would get in trouble, you can decide."
When my son was 8and his cousin 9 they both refused seatbelts. So I threw them out of my car and told them to walk. Then I proceeded to pull out of the driveway. They ran behind the car and begged to get back in,put on their seatbelts,and we're the most well behaved for the entire day. 27 years later and they are still talking about it and using the same threat against their children. The point is standing firm when you issue the terms and consequences of non compliance. But......i would be mad at my daughter if she did that to my precious grandson. He's so adorable.😊😊
The car seat thing was so annoying for us. No sooner was my son able to get out of the car seat then they changed the law to 60 lbs and 6 years old. It had been 4 years and 40 lbs. Then we reached that milestone and law was changed to 80 lbs and 8 years old. Some adults may not meet that weight requirement
Ah, everything will be fine. Just give them a choice, like in the video: This shirt or this? These pants or these? And put everything that you absolutely don't want them to wear (like winter coats and wool hats in the summer or bikinis in the winter) out of sight and reach. This eliminates a lot of time-consuming discussions with toddlers.
@@mrs.k6169 yes here it's Kindergarten from 3 to 5 years then around 6 they can go to school. I think Kindergarten for the USA is something kind of different maybe day care is what's children attend with 3?
I love how you're assertive but also explain so quickly and easily why they need to do the things they don't want to. So many of my childhood memories are of me being so confused about all these crazy rules no one ever just explained 😂
Yes! Without being told why they need to do something, it just feels like being arbitrarily bossed around. I made it my personal rule to never say "because mommy said so". After the explination though, I was happy to take their refusal and yeet it right back with "tough luck". 😂
When I was a camp counselor I learned that a kid will not respond if you sound fake or come off as of you’re forcing a kid friendly tone. They respond to you being yourself and using a tone that they see you use with everyone else. They most likely feel like a part of your life and this humanizes you and makes you someone they want to listen to and respect. (this goes without saying but don’t be crude or profane with little kids, that’s stupid and childish).
Soon to be teacher and I can agree with this completely. Had a kid I was tutoring who was really hard to get started on their math homework but once they did start they would literally not want to stop to let me help them when I saw them doing something wrong lol. We came up with a compromise which was I gave them X number of minutes to get settled, eat their snack and start their work on their own while I helped the other kids at the program get settled and when that time was up they'd better be working or I was gonna sit there and gently force them to start. Normally I just had to read the first question, ask how would you solve this and bam they'd be off to the races.
Oh. This makes sense. Might be why my nieces like me. I don't have much energy for kids, so I just start conversations with them (if they're chatting they're not creating chaos). About random facts or something they said. The only change I make is using simpler phrasing. If this is it, my least effort was the best possible effort 😂
Oh yeah and if you want to know how young kids get annoyed with this, I was four or five when heard some lady talking condescendingly in that happy-happy tone to some other kid, and I was so annoyed and insulted that I willed myself into remembering that moment forever so that I'd never commit such an egregious act.
My niece has a touch of the 'tism and is super good about tuning everyone out. Her mom and dad talk to her the way they talk to everyone else but of course more child friendly. For holidays we gather at their house, eat, drink (normally shots) and play games. She has been around that since she was a baby. Her daddy can't drink so he makes sure there is at least one person completly sober. She is 5 now and we asked her if it bothers her that we all get drunk when it's time for her to go to bed. She didn't even know what we meant. She said she likes watching us be silly. Her parents decided when she was born that they wouldnt shelter her but instead teach her as she ages what is going on around her. So far she knows that alcohol is an ADULT drink that can hurt her if she drinks it because she isnt an adult. We let her smell White Rum and needless to say she gagged. She knows every curse word that she can't say because they are ADULT words. We never direct those words towards her of course, just use them around her. She wouldnt go to bed once around Christmas so she stayed up and we just continued out party. She sat at the coffee table and when we went to the kitchen to do our round of shots she would get a glass of water to drink with us. (not to take like a shot but to be included in the 'drinking') she just plays on her iPad and every now and then she wants to dance to the music we play. Sorry this was so long but it's super fun and it works for our family.
Fellow Camp Counselor here definitly once you have that down alongside a Set of rules they know will actually be enforced (you can make it fun though) its going to be so much easier with the majority of them. There are a few special cases like that one week were we had a bunch of older kids from an orphanage they had seen some shit and rules or older people werent really their thing. But we don't generally get Trauma counseling training so that was a challenge. Or just kids with probably undiagnosed (or diagnosed) ADHD/Autism or a shit homelife you just have to adjust.
I love how politely you educate your children. Instead of parenting like a ruler, you give them choices. But not too many. “Good choice and bad choice” is a great way to make things make sense to a lil kid.
"Do you see me walking around without a shirt on?" I couldnt bring myself to tell niece to do things while doing the opposite. Her mom wanted her make her bed every morning. I thought making beds was stupid but not my kid not my rules. So mornings I helped I made my stupid bed while she made hers. I admit if I thought she wouldn't notice I would just shut my door and act like I already did it, I'm not perfect.
I like how you actually explain why your kid has to do something. My mum would never explain why and then I would end up thinking she just didn’t like me!
My daughter is 20 and I still remember how much I imagined being the first type of gentle parent in your videos...but I very much feel the more realistic parenting and how much more effective it is for everyone
I love this. People think gentle parenting is letting your kids run the house but it's letting kids know that there are times where you have to do stuff you don't want but there's also times where you have a voice and can dictate for yourself
I was watching one of these shorts and my 13 year old was walking behind me and yelled “OMG YOU WATCH HER TOO ?! I LOVE HER “ this was amazing because it opened up a door of communication specifically a video about checking phones and stuff because I didn’t know how to bring up this issue without breaking privacy trust but we figured it out thanks to these videos. So thank you for helping me and my kiddo out ❤
Yes!!! I have grown to love my battle with my 3 year old who states when she hears me opening her closet "no thank you" in prep for what clothes are going to make the cut today 💛
I am more gentle parenting then I realized. You're videos reflect on a lot of what I do. Sadly, so many people around me say I am coddling. Thanks for your videos!
I'm so glad to see someone else parenting like I do!! I get a lot of flack (mainly from family) for how I do things but I feel like I'm raising my kids to be responsible and make good decisions. They are now teens in Jr High.
I love the way you parent. I wish my parents were more like this growing up. You give then the options and help see the possible consequences allowing them to learn from what they will perceive as good and bad.
