What annoys me is how widely misunderstood this disorder is. I've struggled with SM since birth, (I am 15 now) and could only speak to my parents and younger sister until I was 10. I started to develop the ability through intense therapy from age 6 to talk to a select number of my peers. In 8th grade, when I was 13, I had a relapse. I lost the ability to talk during class and when I would get anxious I couldn't talk to even my closest friends. I was pushed to do a Communications Arts Program at my high school this year which has helped me a lot, although I still struggle from SM along with many other disorders, including depression, PTSD, OCD, and many other anxiety disorders. I'm very open about my SM at my school, as I feel like it's very important that awareness about this disorder is spread. When I came to my school (with over 3,000 kids at it), none of the teachers nor counselors knew anything about SM, or even what it was. When I found this out, I was shocked. The fact that the biggest high school in my county had no staff members familiar with this disorder utterly shocked me. So I did a presentation about SM during October (SM awareness month), with the help of my friend who'd do the talking for me when I couldn't. I wear my "October is Selective Mutism Awareness Month" sweater every day. I do this because I don't want this disorder to go unknown for any longer. I've had people come up to me and tell me that they have SM because sometimes they don't like talking to people. I've had people tell me that because I don't talk, I'm a brat or just trying to get out of presentations. They don't understand that it's not a matter of not wanting to talk, it's a matter of not being able to talk. I've been a lot better since the start of high school. I've had a few issues, a couple suicide attempts, tons of panic attacks, but in general its been a lot better. I wanted to share this to let people know that: A) I don't talk because I CAN'T, not because I don't want to. And B) It does get better. I've spent years trying to find someone else with selective mutism, and I understand how hard that journey is. I'm reachable via email, anytime.
Draco Malfoy is AMAZING I had it too. I just wish there was some way I could help others who have it. If it hadnt been for a dear friend named Savanna, I might still have it to this day!!!
I've had it since kindergarten and I never got treatment for it so now its followed me into adulthood. And right now its been a long time since I've spoken a word to anyone.
Hi. I struggled with selective mutism growing up. I want you to know it gets better. I'm 27 now and a huge extrovert. You'll come into your own, honey. Just try and stay calm until that day comes.
I’m 15 and I still have it but it has got worse I still can’t speak at all in any social situation even to my irl friends, been happening for about 8 years now
It felt like I was the only person who had this but now reading through comments I feel kind of better. But what really annoys me is when a person who doesn't know I have SM and asks me a question and person who knows I don't talk says to the person that i cant talk or dont wanna. Like i do but i have sm and since I BARLEY talk at school.
This is really really relatable i hate when someone tries to talk to me and they say like how are u or something and i just nod and than they just stare weird at me
@Fawaz Shaikh Thats also happen to me when I am at school in front of class.. My classmate said that my voice is too quiet when I talk infront of class. They said I need to be louder and I tried to speak louder.. but they still cant hear me clearly.. it was really hard to raise voiceI feels my anxiety going up, having a panic attack when I speak infront of too many people : ( its suck.
Can I just ask, I have selective mutism and I can't to talk to certain people, how do I tell them I'm not shutting them out, I just physically can't speak to them?
Try to explains (maybe via texting) about what you have, if that people matters to you. You could send this video too, I think it could help. Good luck!~
My sister has selective mutism and she has never had to face this problem our parents told family members and friends about selective mutism and if they ever tried to force my sister to speak or do something she doesn't want to we blocked them out of our life's it's always a good idea to tell someone you don't have trouble talking with and that you trust about this 😊
I have got selective mutism and for me it feels like something is holding my throat closed I really want to talk but I just cant and I get to nervous ( it happens at school most of the time ) so I just don't talk that much I don't really have any friends, I might but I feel like they don't want to be around me. Some people if they hear me talk they say something like " Wow she can actually talk" and sometimes they ask " Can you talk ?" Or say " I have never heard you talk.
Thank you for this video it actually is accurate to how I am. I’ve had psychiatrists and psychologists in the past actually tell me that they don’t believe in selective mutism, it doesn’t seem like many people know about it.
Sydney K That’s so angering, I’d recommend looking for psychiatrists that specialize in anxiety disorders. I too had had many psychiatrists that didn’t know what selective mutism is, but I found that I had a higher success rate in those that specialize in anxiety disorders
I have a question..When I was a child in school, the only thing I said for months was “I don’t know” and at another school I could hardly speak for a year. I find it exhausting when I have to talk at school or to strangers. What would this be called? Just shyness?? But I don’t consider myself as shy...
probably mutism. I find my mouth goes dry even before I have to speak, so drinking water before a event where you know you are going to help, helps a lot :)
Aden D It could be selective mutism; however, it could also be social anxiety. But don’t take my words too seriously, I highly recommend going to a psychiatrist
Im the exact same as you! Well kind off. the only words i manage to force out are "yes, no, i dont know, sure, maybe" i cant say anything else my brain just freezes
this is me so true, like say if... I tried talking to someone it sounds quite loud to me how im saying it but then they say "speak up, I can't hear you" and its like they can't hear me or don't wanna listen and if I tried shouting really loud still no. and its like they give up or something smh. I hope this isn't just me but its the worst feeling in the world I hope you can understand. :((
This was exactly me from K-12. I lived in the same town, going to schools under the same district, meaning that I will see the same classmates. Since they know who I am, I refused to change. I'm in college now and a tiny handful of my classmate goes there. That meant that can start over and defeat my selective mutism. I still suffer from it but it's really not as bad as grade school
I felt the same way! Same classmates so they knew me and what I was I tried hard to change. I sadly ran away to start over…. But Melancholy feelings stayed with me regret and loss. I hope your doing well!💙
My little sister has had SM since Pre-k. She’s in fifth grade now and next year, she’s going to middle school and I’m really worried for her because people in middle school become a whole lot meaner than elementary. One time, some idiot anonymously told the school that my sister was being “bullied” and she was going to bring a gun to school. That was the day I realized how serious my sisters problem was. I always thought that “oh this is probably just a phase she’ll talk at some point” but now I realize this isn’t so easy. She won’t talk to anyone, she would always watch all the other kids on the playground play and laugh and she would sit there.. alone. I feel like crying right that I’m typing this. I hate how people talk to my sister. One time on the bus some kid was asking her questions like “Are you death?” “can you say at least one word” “talk” and I couldn’t take it anymore so I told “Yes she can talk, she just doesn’t want to, and she’s not stupid, just because she doesn’t talk doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what 2 x 4 is okay?” And then when I wasn’t looking he stuck his middle finger at her and asked “do you know what this means?”. The only reason I knew this was because my sister told me. I’m crying so bad because I care about my sister so bad and I don’t want anyone to hurt her. And I hate that I’m not always going to be there for her if I leave. At home, she’s one of the most caring and funniest and coolest person I know. I hope one day she can speak up and learn how to defend herself ❤️
does anyone know what it’s called when you’re incapable of like saying stuff like “i love you” or hugging someone, and if someone does that to you it’s just feels really awkward and you have a mini panic attack? i have sm but this applies even with family
My parents don’t know i have SM. Because I talk normal to them. To my family it’s harder, but still possible. But to other people I’m not able to speak. And I’m going to a new school soon, and I know they’re going to ask my name. I can’t speak to them. It’s hard.
That’s not how it works because unless you are like 4 and it’s your first time ever going to school then the teachers are gonna realise you aren’t talking and tell your parents and they will probably go to the doctors -a person with sm
I might have this but its a bit different for me, yes i talk normally to family members but at school and other places i just dont know what to say, i can speak but i cant speak to people like i would speak to my family members. The only words i say are "yes, no, maybe, sure". Do i have this or not?
At least i know why now......but i still cant do it........every since 3rd grade actually....ever since it started,all my teachers forciblly made me speak, and got very upset if i didnt.i tried my best, but all i was able to do was whisper.ever since all this forcing and pressure, has caused me deep depression.like im useless that i cant even speak up,when its so easy for everyone else...it even got so bad, i got doubts that god doesnt even exist at all.it just wont alip out of my mouth at school.it scares me.and when they force me, and i am unable to do so, my parents get upset, which leads me to think,that i am a failure in my family.
Same! I understand you so much! I'm sorry! I feel same- im useless because of not able to talk, while everyone can... and I may have depression, too/ I whisper, too... I know how it feels... Don't loose hope, friend! Tell your parents so they 'd tell your teachers to stop pressuring you! They pressured me too and gave me low grades because they didn't hear me! They are the ones who are fools caz they don't understand us! So they are the ones who are useless! You are a very good person, share your feelings with parents so these foolish teachers would stop! You can do it! Good luck! :)
Amilia L. // Fight selective mutism but i made up my mind to move to a new school, and start over with talking, and no one will know that i didnt talk before.thanks anyway :)
I can now talk at school but before I was really shy because I have selective mutism I wouldn’t talk to anyone because I couldn’t and I would always have stomach pains at school caused by anxiety now when people ask me do you talk when there trying to make fun of me I say yeah but sorry I hate to waste my words talking to you.
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I struggled with selective mutism growing up. If I had to ask for anything, got called on in class, was made to say my own order at a restaurant, I would cry. I'd clam up, not speak, and I'd cry. I got made fun of a lot for it, which made it even worse. But I want you to know, it gets better. I'm 27 now, and I'm a huge extrovert. I have tons of friends and no problem standing up for myself. You'll get there someday. I believe in every single one of you.
aww ty. I have been struggling with selective mutism since I was little and it's the worst. Sometimes when I was in difficult situations and I felt pressured I would cry. Medication and therapy helps but it's still an everyday struggle. Hearing this from someone else who has/had selective mutism makes me feel a lot better
I have this for a very long time and I recently just discover that I had this.. Every day I kept asking myself why do I act some certain ways at home but uncomfortable at school? The worst is that my mom keep saying that I don't have its just my way of thinking.
BTSislifeu Army 4ever yeah......i can relate, ive been at it at school for 3 or 4 years.it just doesnt slip out of my mouth and ever since 3rd grade, everyone, including my parents, have been trying to force me.if i dont speak at all when in a meeting at my school, they get upset. It lead me to deep depression, and i already know im the failure in my family.
Frontyer ive been to many many theeapists and psycologist proffesionals.ive been cleared by all of them, but they all had suspicions of me.it makes me feel bad actually, to go to one,it makes me feel like a burden when my parenst have to drive back and forth all the time.it makes us feel worse.
AnimeToGo Well that feeling of a burden does not sound like selective mutism. I have SM and dont feel like that at all. I Nnever told my mom, but I know she would do anything she could. I do believe you might suffer from depression as well, which is often quite common with SM. Edit: read you other comment and it seems like you did develop a depression. Keep fighting. Why not get a simple job and save money. Then get a license and a car so you could go to a good therapist yourself?
I tell my family and they respond saying, "Oh stop acting like this for attention!" I don't even talk to people so why would I be like this for attention?
I told my mom about this and that I do this when I go to school etc. but she doesn't believe me cause I'm talkative in front of her and my siblings. I told her that's cause I'm comfortable with talking in front of them but in public I turn mute, she still doesn't understand. If anyone as any tips or something so I can get my mom to understand me and believe me that would be a great help? (I'm 15 btw)
When I was 6 or 7 I wouldn't talk in class at all, never participate, it was so bad that they called my mom and told her that I don't talk or participate in anything, at the time I didn't understand what was going on, but as I grew up I realised there would be certain situations where I literally couldn't talk and would freeze when somebody asked a question. Now that I'm older I know it's Selective mutism, but since nobody knows it's very hard to deal with, my parents and my brother are always like: "You should go out more", "why are you always so silent?", then when they're talking on the phone with relatives they force me to talk with them which makes my anxiety worse and they know I hate talking on the phone and they still force me to talk to them. I haven't ever gone to therapy since my parents don't know anything but I really want to, hopefully one day I'll get the courage to tell them everything so I can get better.
I mean I don’t have SM, but I do have ASD and Social anxiety. I am normally pretty quiet unless I’m with my friends, I’ll talk more. Idk what it’s like to have SM, but I kinda want to meet someone who has it.
What the video said is true. Its not a choice. All my teachers keep getting fustrated and angry that i chose that.if only i was able to tell them, that it wasnt a choice to begin with......
I think this also occurs on people with a mindset that others are just not ready to hear you speak because it might hurt them in some way (knowing that you have an insensitive mouth when you try to speak). So this is the case with some people who are not shy but rather 'reserved'.
I also remember when I was in first grade I went to summer school because the SM effected me . Then one day since I was very anxious I didn't want to do a hand movement to wanna use the bathroom because i didnt ask to do the bathroom i would just hold it for the rest of the school day . So I got sent to the principal because I didn't do that pretty dumb now thinking of it . I will never forget that day😢and the teacher. 3 kids with SM . Me , my sister , and little brother
My son has this condition too and I'm very worried about this because he doesn't want to play to other children because he can't talk to them. Can anyone tell us about this SM and where to seek help. Thanks a lot😊
I hope you found help 💙if not here’s my opinion never force them to talk :) I hate when adults forced me too during class or a disappointment look from my parents when I stayed silent. Just remind them you love them who they are💙 a quite being
Jasmyna Blck That’s probably because over 90% of people with selective mutism also have social anxiety. I’d recommend texting, it can be stressful but it’s way easier than talking
But, then how family member can help? I visited a Pscologist to explain that a cousin is affected by that but he said that she have to come with her mom and her mom is like she is just too shy, she dont need a doctor! 😑
But, then how family member can help? I visited a Pscologist to explain that a cousin is affected by that but he said that she have to come with her mom and her mom is like she is just to shy, she dont need a doctor! 😑
I have ptsd, and I have this- as an adult. I get it at work. Thankfully, I don't have to talk to people at work that often. Forcing me to talk will cause a panic attack. I also get it at family gatherings.
My son has this he is 5 and won't talk or eat at school. Teachers tell me they can't teach him properly coz he won't answer them. Worried mum don't know what to do 😑
His teachers sound like jackasses. Ridiculous if it came to it, but maybe consider switching teachers or even schools, if possible? Obviously each person with SM is different but one thing that doesn’t change is the need for educators to try and be more understanding. Even getting them onboard with him attending class with a notepad would be a good start - make sure he can communicate at least in some capacity. This way he can let them know if he has any problems/needs anything and he can also respond to questions. Even a book filled with pre-planned statements and questions would help. Stuff like, “I don’t feel well, can I go see the nurse?” and “I forgot to do the homework” etc etc. Plus this way they’re not stuck second-guessing.
I would go to a psychiatrist. It also sounds like he has social anxiety, which is extremely common with selective mutism. There are many therapies and medications that are often extremely helpful in recovering from this disorder.
I had SM as a child and for 2 years I wouldn't speak at all. I think what helps is that they don't feel pressure to speak. I was able to eventually start talking to the other students and when I switched schools I was also able to speak to my teacher. But I had severe anxiety, every day I wouldn't want to go to school. Maybe a different setting where he feels less scared would help since I was able to speak once we moved but that's just from personal experience. A professional would probably know better.
Im not actually sure if I have SM because here in Macedonia where I live people rarely know about the "disease"(may i call it) that I have, because few people have it. I can say that sometimes I have anxiety when im with people I dont know or with my teachers or when im forced to talk and when I do, I cannot talk well but still I CAN talk. I just dont talk clearly like for example ill say the word I want to say but I wont say it clearly. And now, after couple of years I see this video and see what SM actually means. So Im confused and I dont know what I have. When Im with people I know I talk normally soo its kinda fucked up. xD
That's me... It's so hard at work when a colleague asks me something and i just can't answer. I really wanna answer and it's already in my head what i could say but it won't come out. It's so unpleasant, like he looks at me, and i can't really look at him because there is such a pressure inside me. And then he said he just wants to hear one word. That causes even more pressure in side me so that i start to think how "dumb" i am that i can't speak and then i cried in front of him. And that makes me even more unconftable😔
I say “do” not “have”, as SM is not a disease, it is just a phase! For those who do SM, I know the struggle of this: little kids who won’t stop asking your name, people trying to use sign language, nonstop questions of “Will you talk to me?”, etc. It’s all very akward. I’m in the middle of fixing SM. When I was little I never smiled with friends. Now I smile at random strangers. One time at a party in Kindergarten I was shaking like crazy when I was eating cake only because my teacher was there. Now, I whisper to my whole class and most of my teachers. (This took a whole year) The next step I whispering openly class instead of in people’s ears. Next, talking. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬 I know what being pressured to talk is like. Same with stepping out of line / doing something wrong (AHHHHHHHH) And when people don’t understand that you don’t want to talk. And when you are the center of attention. People judging you, people asking if it’s because of them, feeling like you are a tiny ant in a world of sky scrapers, feeling stuck in your own head, being on vacation and scanning the room for that one family member you don’t talk to before talking, feeling like you are drowning in a room echoing with loud sounds (like talking). Selective Mutism may be scary, but (if you do it) YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!
