What Love is NOT! 

Love is patient love is kind love does not envy love does not boast love is not proud love does not dishonor others love is not arrogant or rude, love doesn’t insist on it’s own way, love is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice in wrongdoings but rejoices in truth

Love isn’t what you say, it’s what you do. Love is not a feeling, it is an action - a verb.

"Self-medicating with people", that's exactly what my soon to be ex-husband does to a T. The best description yet!

" b/c I adore the sound of my voice," "See how many words I know. Did I impress you?" I love your humor professor!

Love is the commitment to the good of another.

This video is a gem. I started this journey because I wanted to understand “what” she was. And I still don’t know it, and probably I’ll never know it. However, what I do know at this point is that I’ve been partly responsible. I didn’t have boundaries. I consciously ignored all the red flags. And above all I simply didn’t know what love is. And what it’s not. I can’t, and I don’t even want to, blame her. Nor me. I just wanna know me. “What” I really am. And grow as a human being, if possible. Thank you for what you are teaching me daily.

Also, thank you, Dr. V for inserting your bits of humor into our pain!

My mom used to say its better to be very good friends than to be "in love" , for long time commitment.

A video on how you organize yourself, your vast knowledge and insights, your research, your thinking, your writing process would be extremely interesting, Dr. Vaknin!

I sporadically watch your channel to learn, but this one hit the 100 % target. " Love" is not magical ✨ and losing oneself in a fantasy. It's everyday acceptance one may even grow away from you ( or you yourself leaves)and, no right or wrong. People are supposed to grow more whole and " better " hopefully.

Love is choosing the person everyday no matter what. Love is foresight, realizing, this person is not capable of preserving my life and love and letting them go 'in love'. Love is loving yourself above all, because otherwise, it will be too difficult for the other person to love you the way you need them to love you, so you know you're just looking out for them. Love is being honest about who they are, and realizing, that's who they're always gonna be, at least for you. Love is comfortable, expansive, easy, love is what you allow it to be.

Dear Dr. Sam, Your video added a new, and modern, dimension to the views espoused in the 1956 book, “The Art of Loving,” by Social Philosopher & Psychoanalyst, Erich Fromm. Thank you for the much appreciated “food for thought.”

All your words made me wonder and think that there are not many people capable to love, I'm one of them I am myself a borderline and I know that I'm not capable of even love myself or others just like the narcisists and I will never be.

We love you. You make people value themselves and that is the best!

Love is a creative affair. Every creative process has flawed trial and error , idealization can sometimes be necessary as an initial kick to start searching for it, just like the final piece of an artist never fully resembles what was inside his head. Does it mean creativity didn’t happen because the final product has lacks? It depends if you think love is a goal or a process or both. In my view love is already present in the search of love. Which is also why I do think NPDs and BPDs can love. The thing is love is as hard tu examine as time. When you try to fixate it under a microscope it has already shifted. Its very nature is to battle our own inadequacy to love. But can we say time isn’t something outside of our perception? Yes and no. From physics standpoint and from philosophy too. I think love works the same.

I have been deeply affected by many of your videos, but this one is perhaps the most impacting! Thank you for this succinct presentation 🎯

The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm

Starting 2023 with a Bang! This was fenomenal!! Thank you 🙂

Oh wow!! I needed this so profound Professor you never cease to amaze me very intelligent and yet so... words fail me.

Your postulation of love is a very wise and comprehensive analysis of human beliefs of love it surely makes us rethink and redefine our own mental constructs about what is love all about...

Rock on, Dr Sam! I LOVE quoting you

One of your best Professor! Thank you!

Perfectly spoken ❤️

Happy new year, my dear profesor!😊

This was truly impactful and eye opening for me.

Beautiful video, thanks!

Falling in love with a covert narcissist is believing a lie, for both the narc & the codependent. Dr. Jekyll makes you feel totally accepted and completely safe. The narc you "love" doesn't exist and he is in love with your fantasy snapshot picture. When Mr. Hyde appears, all "love" disappears.

Professor Vaknin, thank you.

WOW!!! thank you Professor Vakning for reminding me that love is not... this wisdom will lead me not to fall in love with love and see love for what it is, Happy New Year 2023

Awesome as always. Love, I have found, is a state of being, seeing yourself and the other for what they are here, now and being in compassionate acceptance of this reality and wanting the highest good for both.

Blessed be in 23!!🙏

So none of us are truly in love… this is the problem and solution. Wow

Dear Sam, your videos are so insightful! What’s more, you have a great sense of humor!

Thank you, Professor. That was beautiful.

Great Explanation, Sam. We, out here, love you. Keep it coming. D

I can do a few of those things. Not too well though, and not consistently. I guess the closest I come is appreciation.

I can say this much that love is a thing that no narcissist ever can og will going to experience in their whole miserable life and that’s a fact!

Well said buddy

Thank you! I had a wrong concept of what love means

Reminds me of book read many years ago - A Rand - the virtue of … those who’ve read it know. That is not love. Eloquent as always, your speeches are dissertations to be forever rambling in our headspace- Better that than the nonsensical

Yes Sir! Thank you

Thank you profesor 🫶

Thank you Professor

One of your best videos. Happy new year Vaknin

Wow.. I totally agree

Thank you! 🤗❤

Thank you ❤️

Are we starting to see a structure that can be mapped?

Superb👏🏻

From Barbados with love.

Wow! 👏🏼

Can you make a video of how to ask your partner if he or she has a high body count? Most people will lie in the blink of a second (knowing that we are living in narcissistic age).

Who they are 🙆🌄

You make me laugh

But what about who you were versus who you are? People always change, people collectively disagree on consequences sometimes as being too harsh but acknowledge the truth of the design under presumption and anticipation, only you can know you and you decide who you want to be. In all honesty I advise only criminals who can't settle with victims privately outside of court, by the victims decision to do so because life gets much harder, better if the decision isn't made but not everyone has the same circumstances, abilities or whatever. I find true love for a human being is unconditional yet also serves to conflict with protection of one's own self. You don't need to be a messiah or sacrifice your life, that was done for you already. You can love someone but hate their acts, "hate the sin not the sinner". Evil, true evil/illness mistakes or distorts this into weakness unwilling to comprehend that trust is given never earned... you can't earn a second chance it's given freely of another parties own will. I have painfully learned this and I advise everyone steer clear of people who tell you that it has to be earned, that's a lie if you set conditions on it then maybe it's best to move on. In my opinion it's complicated and up to each person to figure out, leave it to others to find what works for them and leave others alone so long as they don't continue on to touch children or kill people, be there to offer help with those moments of weak sanity, ideally people would be well put together enough to be able to entirely from within themselves be able to regulate without complications, problem is that would make that human God, perfect and healthy beyond any measure humanly possible by one's own self, educated perfectly, it's an ideal not reality, setting the bar is okay for doing on a personal level as long as you recognize that you are doing so out of your perspective, the actual solution is education and awareness help before development of illness occurs. This is just one broken man's rant, you are you and I am me be well and just don't kill, threaten or abuse anyone it doesn't help

I want to send this to my ex lol

Love! It is where you stop! You drank without drink. You kiss trees without reason. You are status of liberty, sinking in ocean of flowers for just one person who is who! Oh my God. God itself is being crazy for being in love. You must be clean to experience love otherwise it is just delusional

I think “someone” copied your ideas on this topic.

Greetings Professor, from Rhode Island, USA. Happy New Years and Godbless, Your words can sting like few other’s. Thank you.

Love is dangerous

Exist just one kind of love SELFLOVE

Thank you ❤