I laughed so hard at the question "are you worried your child might be gay?" Yeah, a gay/lesbian couple are going to be so disgusted if their child is gay!!! What a stupid thing to say!
I'm a bi woman married to a man. I've never been asked if I'm worried my child might be straight. LGBT+ people should really start asking that question. 😂
So I find this question particularly outlandish and frankly just a rude thing to ask (the one in the video not what u said). But ironically enough my first girlfriend (I’m also a girl) was adopted by two moms and she actually couldn’t tell them about her sexuality because they were incredibly homophobic. It was like the twilight zone. I think it could of been that she was bisexual and they were biphonic in particular. But it was such a strange situation. People would always say “well that’s perfect you must get along with them great” or that she was lucky when they found out her moms were lesbians. And then we she would have to explain well actually that is not the case unfortunately.
exactly!!! Single mums who are divorced, widowed and/or were dumped or who left abusive males, also have to raise their children "without a dad". I have nieces and nephews who all grew up with only one parent and they all turned out fine!!!
Good that’s annoying as a single parents child “No Jeremy, I’m not going on an adventure like you saw in Disney Channel to find my dad. I don’t want to find my dad, and I’m not curious about him. I know it’s hard to believe, but you can’t miss what you never had and never needed in the first place”.
My homelife was surprisingly the most utopic and happy part of my childhood. So I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And that includes having a father in it.
I think it is not the same because a same sex couple chose to have children but single parents usually don't have the choice to be single parents (not trying to defend the question maker, speaking from a different perspective)
Adoptive mother here: 1. I despise the addition of "just" to adopt; not the easy route. We also get asked why we didn't do fertility treatments instead. You just can't get it right. 2. We struggle with peoples choice of terms, birth mother/father, even foster family terms. 3. And good God the questions people think they can ask.... several similar to those you've mentioned, plus who's 'fault' our presumed infertility was. My response is usually, "Why do you ask?" Because sometimes the questions do come from a good, genuine place.
I only know about adoptive family because my oldest cousin is adopted and even as a child I got so offended by people saying stuff like "Well he isn't your real cousin" when I said how I wanted to be like him. Nobody in our family ever treated my cousin differently than any of us other kids, he is a good bit older I think 15 years or something like that and he is a goth so of course I admired him and he was and is just my cousin. No that's the bio cousin and that's the adopted one we are all just the same and he just happened to not have grown in my aunt like his younger brother. Also a thing that weirded me out when people asked why they would adopt when clearly they were able to conceive without issues. Maybe some people just want to adopt and then happen to also get pregnant and be happy with that too. It's really that simple sometimes. More people should adopt in my opinion because there are definitely a lot of kids of different ages who need a family.
that "why do you ask?" response is really smart. im autistic and struggle with social skills, thats literally what i ask myself to decide if i should ask a question or keep it to myself lol. "why do i feel the need to ask this question?", and i dont ask unless the answer is something like "i care about this person and knowing details is important here" or "i had the same experience and i want to connect"
@@somedude172 that's a really sensible approach, one that I think a lot more "neurotypical" people could do with adopting. I think people on the autism spectrum are sometimes actually more sensitive/considerate than neurotypical people, because they tend to be more aware that they could say something insensitive and so stop and think before they speak.
"Are you worried your child will be gay because you're gay??" Gee, Tim, what a brilliant question to ask. Because obviously straight parents only have straight children, so gay parents MUST have gay children.... 😂😂
When people asked "aren't you worried your child might be gay" is like someone saying "aren't you worried that your child might love someone else" like... Wtf ? Why being gay is something to be "worry" is so stupid to say that.
@@kolmkilpkonna right lmaoo. like im almost 100% sure that kids of gay parents are more likely to be *openly* gay, because obviously they have family who wont judge them for it. but why would that be a problem lmfao. im gay and dont want kids but if i did end up with a gay kid somehow, id just be happy that they wouldnt have to go through what i went through growing up in regards to sexuality. i cannot see a possible negative here...
@Kitty Mervine Honestly, some of the most stupid people I've ever met are in college. When I was in college I met a guy who was a major in bioengineering, and he was the most clueless person I've ever met. We once had a very heated debate over whether or not bats are birds because he kept insisting that bats are birds.
The "missing out for not having a dad" question is just dumb. I mean yes, there are lots of experiences I wouldn't have had without my dad. That's because he is a different person than my mum, not because of his gender. And there are things I never learned or experienced even though I grew up with married, heterosexual parents. Just because they are two people, doesn't mean they're almighty and omiscient. And for that same reason a single parent can be perfectly capable of raising children without them missing out anything. Or we could just say every child is missing out of something, because it isn't raised by every person that ever existed 🤦♀️
There's a Swahili proverb that says, "Whoever is not taught by the mother will be taught by the world." If the child's parent's (no matter their gender) don't end up instilling a value to them, then the rest of the family/town/society/world will. Nobody gets 100% of the experiences they need to grow from their parents.
My thought with that question was, "do you think he somehow won't understand his penis because he has two mothers? Somehow I'm not concerned about that." Not having a father does not mean you are lacking a traditionally masculine figure in your life.
@@katgirlofthenight whaaat?! Like there is no need to have a man around to educate a boy about his body… there are plenty of books to show everything needed…
"do you think he's missing out on a male influence" that's rude, Walter is right there. Obviously joking, but it does shut people up when you say something like that lol
My little brothers ones answered the phone and the person asked if someone else was in the house he just replied "well the dog is here. want me to get him on the phone for you?" the person hung up really fast according him 😂 So yeah the dog thing works like a charm on random strangers 😌
My parents are separated, and my dad is the farthest thing you could compare to a inspiring male figure, btw. Once a random woman told my mother she should remarry because she was depriving me of a "Male Parent". People simply forget to think about words before spitting them out in someone's face.
Unfortunately, there are still a lot of people who believe in traditional gender roles and think that not having a dad is traumatizing for a child. *sighs*
I do think that a good role model of your gender (not necessarily your biological gender) can be important. It's why people are glad that there are strong female leads or men who aren't afraid to show their emotions in movies. Because people identify with their gender. However, I do think that a role model of your gender doesn't necessarily need to be a parent. Sometimes it's even easier when they're not. And it's not like being gay implies that you won't ever speak to any person of the opposite gender. There will be people your kid can talk to if they so wish. And ultimately loving parents are more important than a parent of each gender. Like yeesh
I was always shocked by the weird things people would ask my sister as a single mum. Like "Do you know kids are expensive?" or "Was this planned or an accident?" I never understood why people need this information.
I was a teen mom and to this day people have the audacity to ask me if I was using protection, what kind of protection, how old I was when I lost my virginity, how many people I've slep with etc. and they literally demand an answer like they have the right to know
I worked at a Montessori preschool, where many of the parents were lesbian couples and oh my, especially 20 years ago, they were OVER caring and good and I would often say "Just relax... no one is judging you and you are terrific parents." They would sadly say to me "Oh no, we are being judged". It was in Vermont and yes, most of them drove Volvo's, as it was the safest car!!!!
The "Do you think your child is missing out for not having a dad?" question is so offensive to me as a girl whose dad died when I was 3 years old. No, I did not miss out on having a father, I missed out on having a second parent. And even then, my mum was the one who suffered the most from our loss, because she was suddenly left alone to raise me and my baby sister for a few years until she remarried and we gained a "new" father. But my new father is nothing like my biological dad, and they would have nothing in common other than their gender. So phrasing that question like that just makes it sound like all fathers are a monolith that can only be one type of way and provide one type of support, which is completely false anyway! A child needs two parents who support each other, and a family that loves them, but no, they don't need a father in particular.
I agree...I had an old school friend whose dad died when she was a baby, and her Mom never remarried. My friend turned out fine, with a daughter of her own. :)
Same, my father died when i was 3, my older sister was 6 and younger was just 10 months old. I’m not sad that i didn’t had a father (i don’t even remember him that much) cause i had awesome single mom and grandma that was like my second mom. I’m sad because my mother’s life was hell for the first couple years and the whole situation traumatized our whole family.
I wouldn't say that a child needs two parents, not even one parent, a child needs a loving caregiver, it could very well be their biological grandparent or a cousin or anyone really.
@@SqueamishNerd Oh you're right! But that person would still be in a parental role to the child so maybe that still fits under that same umbrella of "parent". And I think that the more "parents" or caregivers a child has, the better. When I was growing up, I was definitely not just raised by my single mum and then later on my new dad, but also by many grandparents, aunts, uncles and older cousins. As they say, it takes a village :)
I agree except for your last sentence. A child doesn't necessarily need two parents. A parent + the rest of a loving family can be very sufficient! I grew up with a single mother, little sister, grandparents, cousins uncle and aunt. They all loved/love me, took care of me and are there for me. It takes a village to raise a child❤️ no matter if there's one or several parents and no matter their genders. Plus my mother is such a great one, I never felt the need for a dad. She was more than enough for us
I'm a teacher and run an LGBT club at my school and we did a disability history month activity last night so we used the posters you did with stoenwall therefore I got to recommend you to my kids. They instantly googled you and were saying stuff about how cute the dogs are and when I mentioned you guys had a baby they screamed because they thought it was the sweetest. So you might have like 20 new teens binging all your stuff today :) If any of you guys from my club are here and see this, yall are the cutest and I love running club for you guys so much
@@jeannareadsbooks8475 That's really cool that the school is so considerate! I have a friend who always jokingly puts "Dr " when forms or whatever ask them to check the "Mr. Mrs. Ms." box because the choices are all gendered. 😁
Oh my. Listen; if you've heard "If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all." That's good. But also: "If your question is unwelcome and/or insensitive, learn to be satisfied with your curiosity being unfulfilled." Even if you personally think a question is harmless; unsatisfied curiosity won't kill you! Be a polite & respectful person first. I appreciate the personal commentary and info that you two willingly put out into the world! Thanks for this video. I love how casual you two are about cutting the camera to take care of your child haha! I feel bad whenever youtubers feel the need to apologize about interrupting a video because they have have parental responsibilities. Rupert was all like "I wanna be in the video too!" at the end lol.
I love this so much because people seem to feel entitled to sensitive and private information about others' lives and can't deal with not having their questions answered. Most of the time Google can answer their questions and if not, I'm sure they'll survive without knowing.
However, there are always a lot of questions that any cutious human being wants to ask any person, and being different from the norm in any way is a perceived entry point. for all those questions about someone's personal life story. It took me a long time to figure out how to nod, go along with the plan, and stop trying to extract information
From the princess bride: Inigo Montoya: Who are you? Westley: No one of consequence. Inigo Montoya: I must know. Westley: Get used to disappointment. Inigo Montoya: Kay. If Inigo Montoya can do it then so can they!
Just make sure you give that baby A LOT of love, even when they are older. Raise a baby with who you want, or alone if you want, or with a girl you like, just love the child. I like your profile pic btw
As a child of lesbian parents this extends to children of lesbian parents as well. I can't tell you how many times adults asked me how I was conceived when I was in elementary school...
"Do you think your child is missing out on not having a dad?" wants to be "how do you think being raised by two mums might differ from being raised by a heterosexual couple?". I remember doing a sociology module at uni and the answer to that question is, apparently, that children of gay parents don't grow up with gender stereotypes
@@mo.ka.9661 Sure but your parents are your direct role models. I'm always amazed that people with abusive parents grow up to be abusive being that they see a world around them where parents are not abusive and yet there they are
@@mo.ka.9661 maybe grow up with fewer gender stereotypes would be a better phrasing? Obviously they’ll be aware of it, as you said it’s not like they’d be growing up in isolation. But having influences that reject said stereotypes would make one more likely to do so as well. And I’d imagine most queer parents would be more open and encouraging of expression exploration in their children.
@@shadebug Well, that's not really true. They're more likely to abuse, but that doesn't mean they all do, and the majority do NOT. I'd expect a similar effect when it comes to growing up with two gay parents, that you're less likely to internalize some gender stereotypes, but nobody grows up completely unaware of gender stereotypes.
The thing is…peoples’ questions are sometimes not about curiosity. Sometime’s people ask *pretend* questions to try to “get you to think.” As if you haven’t thought through important life choices. They are trying to politely and gently lead you to their “correct” worldview through pointed questions. They don’t care about your answer much, and tend to respond as if you are lying to them if you say things are going well. It IS disrespectful. It’s different to ask questions that express concern about the wellbeing of a person that respects their choices. Just “how are you doing with…” and “is it challenging to…” is a much better approach for this kind of curiosity. It could still come off as judgmental with the wrong tone though. And don’t ask strangers/acquaintances about intimate or sensitive details of their relationships and family. That stuff is for close relationships only.
I’m a single mother by choice and I get most of these as well. What is it about “alternative lifestyles” that people think they are entitled to every detail of both your and your child’s life story in order for them to judge whether or not they believe you made the right decisions?
That's how I plan to do it too! (Feels pretty risky to share the most valuable and loved thing in your life with some guy..) I was raised by a single mother and never felt the need for another parent, in truth I think I felt way more loved than many kids do in general (unfortunately). She is great and more than enough for both me and my sister.
@Mo. Ka. Or maybe it is selfish to try and make a stranger in the internet feel bad about one of the most important desicions of their life. Just because *you* think it is better done otherwise, even though they have no intent of harming or mistreating their future child. Does it feel good to respond in such a judgmental and hateful way? Do you feel good about your selfish need to lecture an unknown person about their own peaceful life plans?
@@mo.ka.9661 Some of these are completely reasonable objections. Do I miss having a second income or someone more readily available to provide help around the house or watch the kid? Of course. But I make plenty to provide a good life for both of us and I have a ton of friends and family who are always willing to help out. Those friends and family also provide all those social benefits (minus the “sex-specific experience and social skills” which are nonsense). As for that bit about organ donation… A. adoption is a thing that eliminates all of that but B. That is a terrible reason to enter a marriage or co-parentage with someone, please don’t ever make someone think that’s a reason to have a relationship with someone But as for the benefits, which are scientifically backed: Skills of being independent and their own person, higher responsibility, never being witness to marital arguments, simpler expectations for the child (no “but mum said I could!” moments), stronger community socialisation and friendship modeling, greater acceptance of diversity in society, modeling the importance of being in a relationship for the right reasons (the wrong ones including societal expectation or to harvest their organs) Studies have shown that children of single parent families do just as well if not better than two parent (heterosexual) homes. I have no qualms that I am giving my child the best life possible and regret nothing.
@@mo.ka.9661 Also thank you for so clearly illustrating my point that people feel the need to question me in every aspect in order to judge whether or not I made the right decision in my own personal life.
In all the awkward maybe a little positive story: Having lived in them middle of a heterosexual couple and a lesbian couple that both had babies at the same time, it has been so beautiful to see the mostly elderly neighbours just being the most accepting and supportive and caring towards both couples - no difference at all. It was something I really did not expect to happen (stereotyping the elderly a bit, I know) and now everyone is just being super hyped about those three little ones running round and driving their scooter up and down driveways and playing hide and seek in the front yards. As a Bisexual man myself, it feels so good to know I´d be accepted in my neighbourhood with whoever my partner may be and what our family choices may be in.
It amazes me that people feel they have a perfect right to ask invasive questions to parents who happen to be gay. It really is rude and inappropriate.
TBF, it seems like society thinks it's totes okay to ask invasive questions about parenting to women in general - and no matter what, you're doing it wrong. 🙄 Are you nursing your child? "You shouldn't feed him on demand - he's going to get spoiled & too attached & then you'll never wean him!" Are you bottle-feeding? "Don't you think he missing out on that special nursing relationship bond? Did you *really* try to nurse, cuz you can TOTALLY pump at work to keep supply up..." Did you adopt? "Oh, that's nice, but aren't you worried about hidden health problems, you should've tried IVF - you can do that with your next one!" Did you do IVF? "Oh, how selfish - don't you know how many children are out there already waiting for a loving home?" We won't even discuss how people think it's okay to touch & grab & grope your belly, just because you're pregnant... I can't even imagine the extra frustration Jessie & Claude probably feel at not only having to deal with the 'typical' amount of invasiveness, but the ADDED stress from questions regarding lesbian parenting & disabled parenting. 🤦🏻♀️ Like, people actually called CPS on a friend of mine after she had her baby, because they were 'concerned' about her ability to care for the kid since she uses a wheelchair & one of her arms is paralyzed...as though NONE of her medical professionals noticed this during her prenatal visits. I just CAN'T. All you should be saying is "what a beautiful child" & if you know the parents well enough, "is there anything I can do to help you out right now?" and that's IT. The rest is no one else's business.
@@brendaleelydon The other thing I've read about frequently is pregnant women complaining about how perfect strangers feel they have the right to touch their bellies without permission. In my book, that's assault!!!
"do you think your child is missing out on having a dad?" I grew up with a single mother and I don't think I missed out.. I doubt having 2 mums (or 2 loving parents regardless of their genders) is missing out. That's just a stupid question in general and very archaic/"gender roles are the only constant in the universe"-y "Aren't you worried your child might be gay?" Only appropriate response is "aren't you worried your child might be a regular human being?" Just to emphasise how dumb that question really is.. if you're not feeling nice, you can replace "regular human" with "an idiot like you" 😂
My parents are lesbians and I got like half these of these questions from random strangers... Maybe in a couple of years Rupert can do a video on things not to say to children of lesbian parents ^^'
If you don't mind my asking, how did you respond to this? How much people don't think of children as full people is really obvious in situations like this 😂😅 I'm a very involved auntie because my sister's hubby's work schedule is very hectic. She and I don't look much alike, and since hubby is a different race than us, when the three of us walk around, my sister was shocked by people who, once we're out of NYC, suddenly came up to her and asked her where his parents were, or if he was hers. He's a particularly sensitive little guy and a bit prone to existential crises for a 3/4 year old, but he definitely got a bit freaked out and I think got worried people were trying to take him away 😭 my sister had to talk him through what was happening, but in his defense, the ownership random people feel over kids can be pretty scary
@@Bpaynee Oh wow that sounds like such a stressful experience, I'm so sorry for him! People really do say the rudest things sometimes :o But omg I've had a similar happen a couple of years back where this lady was really trying to wrestle my "true parentage" from my mind, interrogating both me and my moms, just not letting it go until she got to the bottom of it and boy what an awkward experience was that ^^' For your question; My situation is a bit different, I'm already in my 20's, so not really a child anymore! If it's someone I want to be friends with/am already close to, I see it as a learning opportunity, and I try to explain to them how their question may be a bit insensitive. But yeah, whenever someone asks me who my "real" mom is, or how it "got fixed", I usually don't answer directly, tell them that I feel very uncomfortable about this question and leave it at that. When I was younger I used to answer more honestly, but with the internet telling me about boundaries I became more firm! If they ask me if I miss a father figure, I just respond with something funny like "nahh, I hated soccer anyways" or "why? I get double the fashion advice" or sth equally stupid that gets them off my back. (yes I know not all fathers are like this, that's part of the joke) The worst questions for me were the ones where people tried to ask about their relationship, like really invasive questions. I just shoot back with, "please don't make me talk about my parents' sex lives, you would feel uncomfortable too"
Am also a child of a lesbian. That would be a great video. But maybe by the time Rupert is old enough to make videos for the internet people might have stopped saying dumb stuff to people who are different to them? Hah.. one can hope! :)
@@Bpaynee my grandfather on my mother's side (black, like very dark black) almost got arrested because he was babysitting me at a fair while my grandma (extremely white, literally a ghost) went to the bathroom. So I get stuff like that on the receiving end. Why people feel the need to judge children's parents and grandparents by look alone is so foreign to me. And also I've had people walk up to me and my mother and ask if I was adopted, no cap.
Childfree by choice here. 🙋♀️- There's a lot of strange questions people ask people who choose not to procreate. Not to mention that many women (and some men) are looked upon as less of - because of their choice not to have kids. Having kids is a good thing if that is what you want. Not having kids is also a good thing - if that is what you want. Both choices are valid.
I have straight parents and don't have a dad through my own choice (extreme homophobic ensured that) and I've turned out fine. My girlfriend's dad, my uncle, and other wonderful father figures havr made sure that I feel loved and accepted, and I can honestly say that the void I felt initially from cutting my birth dad off is no longer a problem. Kids don't need both a mom and a dad. Kids need love.
My wife and I constantly get asked "who's the real mom?" about our toddler. To add complication, she's adopted, so she's got her two moms that are raising her as well as her birth mom. If you want to know who her biological parent is, ask that, I guess, but also..... How is that ANYONE'S business?
I'm a single mum, I have had a lot of the same questions. I remember pushing him in his pushchair and almost every single person would admire him then say "oh I bet his dad is so proud of such a strapping lad" I got fed up after a few months and even now (he'll be 18 next week) I still nod and smile then end the conversation. Why can't I have raised a strong kind sweet man all by myself??
Back in the day when my kids were really small, I was an outspoken ally of LGBT+ rights. Someone asked me how I would feel if my kids turned out gay. I said it wouldn't bother me at all. Guess what? 20 years later, I am the proud mom of a lesbian. She's a great person, and I could care less who she loves as long as she's happy.
"How did that happen" honestly, I slipped in the bathroom at the disco, why, how did it happen for you? "do you know who the father is" I cannot think of any situation where this question isn't rude. Like, imagine a single mum and you're just like, "so, do you know who the father is?" lol
My sister was adopted. People loved to walk up to us and ask if we had the same father, or mother (depending on which parent we were with). We'd be rich if we had nickels for it.
Yeah I hate that. I'm Chilean with white parents and strangers love to comment on how we don't look alike, then my Mom will say they adopted me and the next question is inevitably about my "real" parents....
What's interesting though is that same sex parents tend to be so much more open about how it happens and their children usually understand about sex and about ivf from a very young age and are not told strange and confusing lies because people are embarrassed of the basic fact of life.
"donor" doesn't mean a bad guy. A father who never met the kid isn't really bringing his best game to the place. But a donor is a nice person who helps make families.
This video made me remember all sorts of things people would assume about LGBTQ+ / any other parents who need a little extra help while starting a family. Some assumptions in the media are straight up insane sometimes. The fact that we (fertile heterosexual couples) can have babies by ourselves doesn't mean we always *should* or that we would be better parents because of it. Some people take the ability to create human life for granted, and it shows. There are so many lovely people who can't have babies by themselves for one reason or another and that, - of course -, doesn't mean they're gonna be bad parents. When you strip it down to "can't have children without assistance = will be a bad parent" it shows how illogical this idea actually is.
I had to lose my ability to create children for health reasons. It's a decision I would make a thousand times over, and a decision I do not regret. I'm also young-ish (25) and open about my health struggles and journey. There was so much pearl-clutching and so many invasive questions that basically boiled down to "why did you mutilate yourself." From this, I've come to realize that people put so much weight on the idea of having bio kids the cishet way that they've assigned new meaning and new identity to "organically sourced" pregnancies. It's like the ultimate pinnacle of cishetnormative culture, and deviating from it means _you're_ a deviant.
The growing up without a dad question bothers me because my dad passed away when I was 12, yeah I wish he was around to see me fully grow up, and it caused me some trauma, heart ache, and tears, but for someone to say something like that implying that I am only half way complete, that I am broken and the only way to fix me is to force a man to marry my mother is quite hurtful, not to mention ignores the the extra effort my mom has put in to raise me and my sister as a single parent. Which most of these issues Rupert hopefully won’t have to deal with, he has two moms that are both love him and are there playing roles in his life. It doesn’t matter that one is disabled and I know this because my dad was disabled (and like jessica, had multiple disabilities including chronic fatigue and blindness in one eye). Rupert no doubt will grow up fine with a disabled mother instead of a non disabled father.
I LOVE how you both have devised ways to show Rupert while keeping his anonymity. It's so gracious of you to share even his little toes with us. He's a precious baby with precious parents.
Some people ask the rudest questions out there. 🙄😂 "What if your child is gay?" question to gay/lesbian couples is quite funny! 😂 There are a LOT of single parents out there without Moms or Dads growing up (I know quite a few myself), and their kids turned out fine...just like gay/lesbian couples. Love this video! Thank you Jessica and Claudia for the smile and Rupert is adorable. ❤
Lol in a hetero passing marriage and well still get some of these questions since well be adopting and there seems to be some overlap with adoption questions. People are just too damn nosey. I got so many weird questions because I "looked nothing like my son" and then I told them I was the nanny and then they'd be surprised that the kid liked me. Like people are weird
I’m also in a hetero passing relationship with plans to adopt. Most people are supportive, but oof, the ones who insist biological is the only way to go…
I really appreciate you chatting about your baby journey! I’m straight and would like kiddos one day but have no partner. It’s nice seeing a happy couple with their baby and getting to learn about options to have a child. Thank you both for all you do and I hope your little family is happy and well!
I'm a single mom by choice and about half my kids "dibs" (donor siblings) have single moms by choice. We're on the donor sibling registry with their bank so we were able to connect with the other kids. If kids are something you really want, and you stay single, there are many options.
Rupert has really grown and has so much to say! I remember being pregnant at a time when society felt it was inappropriate. The questions and comments were often invasive and rude. And the touching me, or trying to touch my baby. OMG. There are so many nice things that could be said without asking personal questions. What a lovely baby!
I’m neither lgbt nor anywhere close to being a mum (and wouldn’t ask any of those questions oh my goodness) I’m 19 but I am disabled and there’s something about the two of you that makes me feel like everything will be ok and I can still live a full life and look forward to things like kids and marriage. I’m likely going to need to go down the ivf/surrogate route and now I can confidently feel like I’ll love my little cherub no matter how they come to me.
I'm in a relationship with my trans wife. She is the biological partner who helped me create our child (before coming out). And it has been... interesting as we meet people who only know her as HER (thank goodness) trying to dance around the 'but where did the child come from?'. I had a moment where it took me a while to figure out the person was warming up to 'but who was the birth mother'. And like... we are open about it (and I will talk about being pregnant) but it was also like 'why?'
This is a worry for my partner and I as well (not parents yet, but we hope to be in the next few years). Having to consider that people just ask these kinds of questions and not knowing if you should or shouldnt say the fact that your female partner is also the biological parent. For me it it would also bring up worries about how much to tell our kids and when, as not everyone would like to be accidentally outed even if by a young child. Its adds even more weight to your shoulders at a time when you least need it.
@@zoeybellarose43 Yeah, I think it would be very different if my partner had already transitioned to presenting as female when our child was born. Unfortunately, her egg didn't crack until our child was 4 and so our child grew up calling her 'daddy' and had to change. We're good/fine now, but our child VERY MUCH knows that Mommy and I created her together. And my wife has chosen to be out about her trans nature to our current friends, tho that may change over time. We are still early in her transition and if she asks me to not share that info I will 100% shift my answers.
@@zoeybellarose43 "our son has two biological mothers." is all they need to know and I've stopped giving them more answers than that. besides rarely along the lines of "biology and science aren't nearly as black and white as you learned in high school biology and we're living in 2021."
I feel like the are you afraid your child might be missing out without a dad question also ignores that every child is missing out on things based on the interests and skillsets of their parents. Yeah “dad” things can be taught by moms or other adults in their life too, but also every kid misses out on things. If I had had a parent who could figure skate my brother and I would probably have been better figure skaters, but nobody can be good at or like everything
Me and my husband get ask point blank by complete strangers if we are trying to have kids or if we even want them. I get completely offended by this as it’s a very sensitive subject for me. But of course I just grin and answer in a socially appropriate way. When I really just want to point out that its a really personal question and nunya!!
I’ve even had someone ask “why don’t you have kids, don’t you want them?” Oy! I know they don’t know it’s a sensitive subject but why do they feel it’s any of their business and why do they even care whether or not we’ve procreated or plan to?!
So cute! It's really sweet to see you guys interacting with Rupert, and also being so chill with him doing his thing and included in the background.. I totally respect you wanting to not show his face or anything particularly identifying also, it's just lovely to see that glimpse of you guys as parents. And yay for Clara and Evalina! Congrats to them!
Why do people even care if the parents are single, straight parents, or a same sex couple? Heck, why do they even care if the kid is raised by grandparents or something? Families are families, and they come in all types so people need to keep their mouths shut. Not everyone has a loving mother and loving father raising them. As long as there's someone in the family who loves the kid, that's fine! Your baby is cute btw
"Aren't you worried that your child might be gay?" How I'd respond to that: " Aren't You worried your child might be straight?" Seriously! WTF kind of question is that?!
4:48 My brother’s teacher’s granddaughter is called Dublin. When the students asked why, the teacher answered “Because that’s where she was made”. I just hope their next grandchild isn’t called Bedroom. Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors. Cheers from Sweden!
Strangely, my brother is called Leonardo bc he was made in Italy (bc of Leonardo da Vinci). My parents will easily explain that as a the motive when asked, but it's still more subtle than Dublin!
Yeah, I find it ridiculous how nosey some people can be. The first time I had met wlw parents, it was my friend’s moms, and I didn’t question it at all. I thought it was really cool and interesting, but still respected them, and didn’t ask any invasive questions.
Adore you and Claude and your gorgeous happy family. Thank you for another, fantastic upload. I hope the positivity you encounter will outweigh the negative moments. x
My wife and I call each other bobby all the time! :-) Thank you for doing a video like this. We're still a few years away from becoming mothers, and we're already dreading all the rude, invasive questions and comments. Hopefully videos like this will help people realize that it's not ok. Also, Rupert is adorable! As is Walter!
This video had me ready to fight for some of the questions 😭 also, something I've been learning about recently from adoptees online is that seeing adoption as like a last resort or just to answer a need in ourselves is actually totally the wrong way to adopt, so the question is kind of silly anyway. Would you consider doing one of your amazing longform videos on adoption? Like, the ethics and systems and stuff.
I hate the idea people have that adoption is a last resort if you can’t have biological kids. For me even though I’m fertile I’d always choose adoption. It’s still your kid! People are so disrespectful and ignorant
@@RainbowRantz I have absolutely no clue if I'm able to have biological kids or not as I'm only 17, but I've always imagined my future adopting my kid(s) when I'm ready to have them
I have heard of lesbian couples who conceived with donor sperm and the egg of the non-carrying partner, so both of them have a physical connection to the baby-one genetically and the other by giving birth. So it could’ve been from Jessica if they’d done it that way!
"Aren't you worried he'll be gay????" .......... yes, I'm shaking at the thought... the excitement of being able to support him no matter his sexual orientation is thrilling :D
I appreciate you both taking the time to do this video! I often say/ask offensive things without realizing (seem to have a mental disconnect sometimes), so videos like this are a huge help. Thank you!
Worrying about Rupert turning out gay is my favorite of the clueless questions. I don't even understand what was going on in that person's head. We all had worries about our children, and as folks told me when mine were small, you still worry after they're grown. It's our job. What if he turned out narrow-minded? That would be a good response, but maybe you aren't as sarcastic as I am. In fact, you haven't said anything sarcastic in any of your videos that I've seen. It's good to see you all happy and beaming!
Today was quite hard but coming home to this is just amazing, I love all your videos so much. Thankyou :))) seeing your beautiful family gives me some hope for the world
Your videos always restore my faith in humanity. You're just so obviously such loving people! When you said "no matter who you turn out to be, we'll love you" to Roo it made my heart glow ❤
I've got twins just a tiny bit younger than Rupert and I LOVE seeing the back of his wee head, lol. He looks just like them and his wiggles are so charming. He seems so happy and you two are such wonderful parents.
Instead of "real mum" because you both are, why not ask who was the birth mum and who was the love mum? Because one technically carried the baby, while the other carried the same love, expectations, and fears any non-gestational parent has, be it dad or mum. My niece uses this (she's 11 and already seems to understand more than most adults about how different families can be) and I have always thought it lovely.
I suppose if the person who is asking is another person who has also carried a baby,they might want to exchange pregnancy stories and that could be a nice conversation. I don’t think it’s always people being rude, but It can super easily come off as insensetive, as it could imply the non-carrier is less than. However, they are just as big of a part of the parental dynamic as a dad in any straight relationship, but we live in a heteronormative society so dads don’t deal with that same implied lack of legitimacy based on not carrying… I understand how that can be very frustrating, no matter the intention from the person asking, but I think it can be appropriate in the right context. both mothers are mothers and equally important!
@@wronglayerbutok yes this is valid, as someone who has never given birth and doesn't plan to, I have no reason to ask the question. But if you wanted to ask what gyno she went to etc I imagine that would be well received by most people.
So many of these questions are invasive and inappropriate. The only question I'd willingly answer is whether or not I recommend my doctor. That's genuinely helpful for people in similar situations.
"Every family has their own journey to come into being." Well said, Jessica! I happen to have brought 3 people into the world. I know people who have brought 10 or more into the world, and quite a few who have brought 0 and they are all valid families. And the details of how we got our respective kidlets is for us to share, *if we want to* .
I was talking about my extended family to a coworker and was like "I guess to some people they may look a bit odd, two young white men with a Hispanic teenage son and a young Asian girl." And she goes "wait of they're both white how are their kids Hispanic and Asian?" And I replied "They're adopted?" And she goes "ooooh...why'd they adopt?" And I was just silent for a moment before belting out "honey they're GAY."
Im from Seattle and I found it heart warming to know our local children's hospital helped make fantastic toys. You gals are lovely and I hope Rupert grows up strong and confident.
I only have questions about IVF because it’s so cool & I love science 👩🏼🔬 but I would probably only ask a friend about it if they did it rather than random strangers lol
"How did that happen?" made me lol though just cause it's exactly what my older brother (then a befuddled and outraged 8-year old) said when my parents first told them they were expecting me - but funnily enough in our family, two of my four aunt/uncle couples had the EXACT SAME THING said to them by their respective eldest children when revealing their second pregnancies! It's all about tone, intention and who's saying it, as with most of these, lol.
Haha!!! I honestly thought y'all were saying, "Don't know! Don't know!!" when you were actually saying, "DONOR"... 😅🤣 (Blame it on the difference in dialects between English & Texan...!!) Btw, y'all make the sweetest family! And, even though Thanksgiving is an 'American'' holiday, I still want to wish all of you a blessed day of Thanksgiving & gratitude just the same!! Take care & God bless!! 💕
I'm adopted and I can confirm that it is exceptionally annoying when people ask if I know my "real parents" and/or refer to my adoptive parents as "step parents."
I'm in a hereto relationship and still found it mind boggling the intimate questions that people would ask us. I would probably ask if one of you carried the baby if only so I could then chat pregnancy and labour. But even that is only because being around other mummies means I talked A LOT about my own for a very long time and it's still kinda habit with new parents.
Thank you for bringing up the "father implies some sort of involvement or relationship" bit! I'm a single parent to my child from their birth, my child does not have a 'father' in any sense other than the strictly biological, and yet everyone and their body grandmother keeps expecting there to be a secret ~fAtHeR~ lurking in the wings somewhere. No, there's a DONOR. There's a difference. Thank you for validating my (usually exasperated) point by making it independently, and in this very public forum. Thank you. ❤️
If I was asked about my child missing out on not having a mother (because I'm a male who's into males), I would return the question to them Don't you think other children are missing out on not having two fathers?
I really think that all of those questions went beyond "awkward." They were rude, intrusive and ignorant, and the appropriate answer to any of them is, "None of your business," accompanied by a look of disgust. But you two are simply too nice to put those rude people in their place. I'm
So my mom was a lesbian for most of my life, she finally realised she was a lesbian when her sixth (SIXTH!) child was around 1 1/2, I am that sixth child. So my mom was married to a man and her babies all came about in the hetero way. So I had a dad, he lived very close by (maybe 20 mins) and had ample opportunity to be an asset in my life. Did he bother? NO. He barely bothered before the divorce and he especially didn't bother after. I grew up with and without a dad, the knowledge that he didn't care about his own children really just felt great as a growing youth. I honestly think I would have been emotionally happier had I been a donation.
I love that Rupert wanted to join in - excellent contributions! Very happy for you both and hope you don't have to put up with any of these questions again. Loved the video you did ages ago with Jamie and Shaba about potentially being parents, and now here you are being fabulous parents 😢😍💖
