From someone who now is stealth with a passing voice: Voice training sucks sometimes, and it might make you feel bad. Pushing through that isn't easy, and with everything else going on while transitioning it can be too much. But the guilt of not doing anything was by far the biggest thing holding me back. For the first 1,5 years I voice trained like a week, maybe two, followed by 3-4 months of hating myself that I stopped and didn't do more. Once I accepted that it's okay that I sometimes felt so bad that I couldn't do it, I didn't have the guilt holding me back anymore on the days where I could actually do it. Even if it was half a minute, it adds up, and it's still better than nothing. It also helps to get in the habit of doing some voice training daily. Personally "just doing it" couldn't stop my overthinking. I had to push through the somewhat irrational bad feelings. No matter how bad I felt when first using the semi-passable voice in front of my friends, I had to do it, no way around it. There was no "easy route", I couldn't walk the path of least resistance because there simply was none. I had to take the hard path and do something out of my comfort zone. For what it is worth, it gets easier as time goes on.
Hey good luck on remaining stealth. No seriously being stealth is really, really hard and I honestly hope you manage to maintain it for the rest of your life. I want most of the trans community to be able to go stealth to be able to get through the hell and heal and be all of who you are inside. I have loads of mates who are stealth and I am very aware that I am like I am typhoid mary to them. There is the saying that 2 of us is a crowd. I hope you have wonderful cis friends and a good therapist who you can be open with. Honestly, thankyou for being stealth and being your real self. Because one day maybe our younger siblings wont have to make the choice between being stealth and going loud. Hugs.
@@annakissed3226 I'm not sure what to say. I appreciate that I am lucky enough to be able to go stealth, but I usually do tell people at some point. Like you said, at some point new trans people hopefully won't have to make a choice. I believe one way for me to help there is for people to assume I'm cis, only for me to come around and tell them that I am not after some time. Hopefully that way people can get the stereotype of trans women always looking male out of their head. If I can be accepted because I pass and am conventionally attractive it shouldn't be hard to treat non-passing people the same way. I totally get people going full-stealth, I see the allure myself, but I also want to help my trans sisters (and brothers!). Of course I can only do that because I'm in a safe environment (big city in Germany), but yeah. Don't put yourself down if you aren't/can't go stealth. I'm not sure if you were doing that, but still. You're worthy of being friends with other trans people, I myself know plenty of others, ones that don't or don't want to pass and others where you'd have no idea. I won't go out only befriending cis people now.
You definitely aren't alone there! Sometime I'll make a video on this. We want to listen for quality not our preference for a quality when trying at first. c:
CRIES in Executive Dysfunction... Love this, getting past intrusive thoughts of doubt can be life-changing for everyone.! don't discount the disabilities others might be hampered from.
You're so right, I did my coming out not so long ago and i wanted to start voice training. But I struggled and/or failed with most of the thing i tried to achieve in my life. So now there's just always this fear of failure and judgemet, "i'm doing no progress", "it's useless", "i'm never gonna make it"... I don't know how to go forward, i'm so impatient and ruthless with myself. thank you i needed this
I feel this so much. Perfectionism is such an easy pattern to fall into. This video was my attempt to try to fight my own perfectionism and I'm glad it's helped you in the process.
@@TransVoiceLessons Yeah! I think the best motivational advice from your channel was "don't make a big deal out of it" Now I just voice message into a group whenever I feel good about what I'm doing and practice whenever, instead of trying to record everything I do with a mic (for which I had to borrow an interface from another room) It lowered the entry bar significantly and makes me feel way better!
@MaidLucy have you tried in game voice chat? When I was playing fortress mods I was OutLoud as a TrannyDyke but I never thought of it as a vector to practice getting my voice to sound like me. Sorry I am talking with a new perspective that is utterly, utterly new, that I have not been able to understand for half a century. That change happened hours ago because of this and Clovers videos. I haven't even explained it to my wife of nearly 20 years whose upstairs asleep. Btw just for clarity I have been an OutLoud Activist TrannyDyke since the ninteen eighties. The biggest issue will now effecting the change, because as mate once told me I am the postergirl for ADHD and a pretty one at that (another breakthrough that only happened in the last few weeks, as previously I always thought of myself as a monster who everyone knew I was TS but they were just being polite)
It will only get harder to get started the longer you wait, and eventually you've waisted most of your life like that. I hope you manage to get started.
I’ve done some practice these last two days which is the first time in a while. Hopefully I can keep a routine, it’s still awkward when I know others can hear me but they don’t mind. My voice is what I am most dysphoric about and I know that I’ll never be able to feel comfortable talking until I feel like I sound feminine enough. What has been holding me back is the combination of very little motivation and an overwhelming daunting learning process. I know it’s a step by step process but I only really imagine where I am currently and my end goal. I am getting hormones in the next couple of weeks though which I think will greatly increase my motivation to learn.
@@NuriViiwhy wait, just go. There are always new things to learn as I have discovered tonight, despite going loud to first my parents, then a series of Pychs, from being sent to a nearly all boys school to correct my beliefs in the seventies and started going loud to my school a decade later, it still took me nearly a decade after that to transition & have surgery. And I am still begging my mum & dad why they repeatedly chose not to raise me as a girl despite knowing the agony I was in.
This was the first time I had cried in a while, and it really opened my eyes to actually start working on my voice. Thank you Z and thanks for the very wise words.
You have no idea how I needed this video, especially in this moment in time, I've been struggling with this for a long time. on trying to find motivation, how to get myself to start doing what I need to do, trying to find the right timing, etc. But like you said in the video the key is not to think about, but instead immediately stop yourself from thinking and just jump right in and start taking action. thank you so much I really needed to hear this as a subscriber ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for this video. for me its just starting to transition in general, as you described it so perfectly, I always think that I need to have everything figured out and be instantly passing and not be seen in a weak or ridiculous way and therefore have been sitting all summer, doing no progress at all in my transition. Today will be the day I take action. I needed this and you are such a big inspiration for me.
This is everything. Motivation doesn’t materialize out of thin air, it needs substance, and that substance is our existing progress. Taking the first step is the foundation of building that progress to keep us going. This video saved me ❤ I realized I don’t wanna live as a bystander in my own life anymore.
I don't know how your videos and streams always seem to find me at the best times, but I and so many others appreciate it immensely! I still remember combing through your videos when I was starting out voice training, trying to find the actual "OK but what do I DO" part, because I felt like if I took any step forward that wasn't the strictly BEST one or the RIGHT one, I'd some how fuck it up, until I found a video of yours saying more or less "just make noises, make weird sounds, play around and feel it out!" and as obvious as that advice seemed on a surface level... It was the right advice. I (and I assume lots of others) get stuck thinking about the opportunity cost of committing to a path through life, stuck at the crossroads of "well what if I pick the wrong one", without realizing that not picking a path IS picking a path, one that is inevitably one of the worst ones to pick. Yeah, I do voice training and my voice sucks. Don't care, I'm still going to keep trying. Its supposed to suck, I've been talking a certain way my entire life and relearning something like that is always hard. And I'm probably picking up bad habits, following dead ends, getting distracted along the way, but its a hell-of-a-lot better just staying where I started, and that's kind of the lens I've had to view my entire transition through. ALSO if your essays you mentioned are anything like the more philosophical stuff you deep dove into during your streams, I bet they'd make a for a great read! ALSO ALSO, I had to double-check the post date seeing brown-haired Zhea, I always thought your brown hair was super pretty! Obviously blonde Zhea is pretty too, but brown-haired Zhea is a different vibe and its nice :)
Action is Fun, buying the bracelet, buying the shirt that buttons up differently, playing with my voice, making it sound at least better, change does motivate, you are right Zhea❤ I am glad I found You❤ Lol from Petra
this is so so beautiful, and so needed!!! thank you for sharing your thoughts and your motivation. the way we act towards ourselves can far outpace how others may treat us. We need to treat ourselves kindly first, and make a safe space for ourselves to grow.
I am working on my voice but that is not where my focus is right now. I will get back to it and no that isn't inaction, it just means that it isn't a priority. I am taking action in something more important to me right now and that is finishing coming out to everyone in my life so that I can move forward with the other things I want to do including working more on my voice. I like how you put it. Start with action, then the thoughts can happen while you are actively working. I find this very motivating and far more time efficient. The biggest take away for me isn't the recipe for taking action and executing on something as i know from experience that it works. For me it is about recognizing the patterns of not taking action on something. When I keep thinking and planning something in my head i need to recognize that as non productive. I need to act on those things even just a little bit. Then it usually snowballs from there. Thank you so much for the inspiration.
Just remember, pushing yourself to do something you don't want to do - or pushing yourself too hard to do something you want to do - isn't healthy either. Always ask yourself before you start - "Am I doing this because _I_ want to, or am I doing this because I think _others_ want me to?" If the answer is the latter, stop. Realistically, no one worth your time is really going to care about whether you "better yourself" in that way or not, spend time doing something _you_ want to do instead. And when you're doing something for yourself, like voice training, let yourself take breaks, stop if you ever feel like you don't want to do it anymore. You'll end up feeling terrible about yourself if you put a pressure on yourself to do it fast. So take your time, things like this aren't just an overnight thing. It doesn't matter how fast you're working towards your goal, all that matters is that you're making steady progress - because as long as you just keep making progress, you'll get there eventually, and that's what matters
ironically i put off watching this video i'm not really afraid to say it anymore, it's because i'm scared, pleasing "people" is one of my main issues but it's also intertwined with still getting over my self hatred. the key for me is though, when i lay it out, i spend more time worrying about not doing things than actually doing them. there are no boundaries. i make up boundaries but there are no rational boundaries. what i need is a combination of 'putting the work in' and 'doing things for me', having trouble with it though
Zee….. I cannot put into words how grateful I am for this. I spent my whole life running from problems using escapism, and feel like I need to spend lots of energy convincing myself to do literally anything even subtly stressful. This has changed my life, and the best speech I’ve ever heard. Sending all the love I have your way. I don’t need my own permission to do what I want. Emotions are highly effected by things other than you, and it’s important to follow your true will and not be lost and confused. I am no longer confused. You have given me clarity. I don’t need permission, not even from myself.
Secret time: Been transitioning since November '23. It's been tough not to see the shadow that's still on my face or the hairline on my head, or hear the "chest" in my voice, then see your and so many others' videos and immediately think "oh f*ck you, you look and sound so beautiful, you're helping others, you clearly pass," etc...and then I feel so far "behind" with so much further to go. I know that's extremely unfair, but our minds aren't always rational. And now I'm sittin here trying to get my makeup on without weeping bc I DID take steps last fall, hrt IS making changes in my face, hips, hair, chest, etc. My wardrobe has completely changed, I've learned the basics of this makeup, I got a "ma'am" out in public the other day. A good friend from out of state called yesterday to check in and thought I was "one of Arya's friends" because my voice had changed so much. It's so easy to get lost, to not be able to see the forest for the trees. Thanks for this and everything you do, sincerely
A lot of motivational stuff is super abilist and just truisms and bootstrap statements. I'm always glad when real, constructive, original thoughts are presented in ways that don't alienate those who have tried super hard and are struggling with things that arent fixed by being told to "just do it".
I started last year thanks to this channel and while I haven't reached my vocal goals yet, my voice does usually pass! Thanks Zee, you gave me a place to start with my transitioning, and I'm now out full time!
thank you. i've been struggling to "start" for so many years... i can feel my 30s closing in on me and i feel so far behind. like i've lost so much time. i want more, but i don't know how to do it. I'm going to try a little harder tomorrow.
Really been needing this lately, I've felt lost and not sure what I want to do, but the only way to actually find what I want is by doing something and ive been having the hardest time to ever just start something.
I have enjoyed and learned a lot from your videos over the years, but I seriously needed to hear this message today. I need to carry this message with me every day. Thank you :)
Your content will always hold a special place in my heart, I'm a vast majority of the way through with voice training and am just living now, but that's in large part thanks to you. It doesn't matter that I'm at this point because I can still learn so much from you, so thanks for everything Z!
I've mentioned this before but I love your videos so much. I really *do* need to take action and getting started is so difficult in some ways but I need to commit to it. I'm done with it.
I've recently started watching your videos and it's the best instruction I've ever had. I loved the message in this one, it's great advice, I'll try to keep it with me :)
"What we're doing is beleiving we need permission from ourself to start doing something" This just became very clear to me personally, recently. TBH I DID give myself permission, that's what changed.
This is the exact video I needed today! I give myself similar advice and try to get myself moving and was luckily successful today but this just cements that inertia a bit more :D
I know this is ofc themed around voice training and I do have to actually do that but this really hit me deep with currently being on exam break procrastinating studying.
Ooosh that soma instrument collection. The wallet monologue was pushing back hard on me. But seriously, you're an inspiration musically and it's so refreshing to hear the artistry backed by a golden perspective. Keep shining 🌟
Very motivating. I cannot reasonably start working on my voice right now instantly (my mom is in the house and will kill me if she sees or hears me do anything other than work for uni), but it did motivate me to start taking notes and prepping for a writing project I have in mind, so that's something And I'm going to try and keep this idea in mind for when I actually can voice train
From someone with ADHD, it's not as simple as just believing we can act even without motivation. The dopamine receptors in my brain literally block the motivation to get things done at a level others have. It takes a long time to rev up my focus and I can get stuck in a hyperfocus. I'm not saying this as an excuse, just that sometimes pushing through isn't good enough advice - we can face other sorts of blocks that need to be worked on, or strategic tools to overcome them! It's okay though. The quote is still a useful one. Sometimes just doing something even when we don't want to can help that motivation start flowing.
This reminds me a lot of a quote from Matt Colville from his D&D series: "We develop taste long before we develop skill." It's usually applied to the arts, but I think it applies to anything that takes practice. Doing something and not being immediately good at it is fine, because it means you've already developed the taste to see that you need improvement. From there it's just practice and development until you have the skill to be satisfied with your own work. :)
Hi Z I actually came out this month and have been listening to lots of your videos and have found them really helpful; thanks. I can relate 100% to being in my head all the time and finding it really hard to act frequently but I've become aware of it over the years.
i used to pass. i used to have a voice that passed, though i never used it in front of another person. i used to have a connection with people where i could fully express myself and my interests and i actually felt myself being something. and then this amalgamation of depression and anxiety and dysphoria just suddenly hit me. and then my parents made me cut my hair. and then i stopped practising. and then my relationships broke apart. since then ive become so accustomed to suffering, to be in the state of grief, that i now look at the notion of voice training and i fear it, i fear doing it, not because i know id struggle, but because it doesn't feel right to do something that doesn't constitute suffering, because it means change. even when i try to strive for connections nowadays they all just falter because im no longer fully there. and maybe if i finally start doing something that doesn't mean suffering, things could let up for me. im going to go to the bathroom to practise for the first time in ages, with a hoodie on so i wont get dysphoric. maybe there is someone out here in this comment section who ended up like me. im willing to take this step. you can too, and you won't be alone. wish me luck girls.
ooh I've been going into voice training recently, and voice chat on lethal company has allowed me to feel like myself online at least. I think I struggled at first cause I assumed I needed to master each aspect one by one, such as mastering vocal weight before focusing on pitch and so on, it felt so far away to achieve the goal, but atm I just used mimicry and some basics to sound feminine. I've been told I sound like a pre-teen boy or an anime character but I'm still making progress. I think using small bits of time such as the shower and the drives to and from places has allowed me to achieve a lot. I hate the fact that sometimes people won't believe my age cause I am trying to use a fem voice and I feel like shit having to go to my normal male tone and explaining I'm practicing my female voice cause I'm trans and it's so annoying. I feel like part of what made me stop for a bit was having no one in my life who supported it but now I have people who support my feelings and transition so I feel freer to be trans.
