What The Dismissive Avoidant Needs After An Argument | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment 

The key is always communicate, and set your boundaries. If anyone, regardless of attachment type, consistently refuses to work, communicate, or ignores your boundaries, it's unhealthy, plain and simple.

Wonderful video. But the more work I do, the more I wonder why I even put myself through a DA. I over accommodated a person who refused to make the smallest effort while sitting here overthinking on how to meet their needs. I am going through so much anger at myself for the disrespect I showed myself chasing and coddling the DA. I have no hate in my heart and I believe the DA people of the world deserve love. But this video is just another example of a possible very 1 sided future if I entertain this. Me doing all of this and they can't even keep the promise of saying "I need a little space". Just cruelty, withdrawal, just senseless affliction of emotional pain just for a half assed, non informative "I'm sorry" text at best. I'm suddenly just.. done. Hello from day 2.5 of no contact.

As an AA, I am now painfully aware about the AA-DA dynamic. I am accepting responsibility that I expected many unmet childhood needs to be met through others who struggle with their own core wounds. I no longer want to feel like a victim, so I commit to my own healing journey. The pain has been a great teacher. My goal is self-compassion and compassion for others. We are all worthy of healing.

I’m divorcing my DA husband. He was always insensitive, likes to pick fault on me, gave me silent treatment, hot and cold, etc. I was going through a rough time in my personal life, and during a trip out of tiredness I complained abit about my life. He took it as a personal attack. No matter how many times I apologized, he hang up on me and wanted a divorce. He left me alone in a foreign country and bought a ticket home himself the next day. Wtf. He doesn’t give a shit about my feelings, and I have to always be extremely careful taking care of his, no matter how unpleasant he is, I have to hold my anger. Eventually I blew up and I slapped him. He called me “crazy ex-wife”. I’ve never been violent with anyone my whole life. But the extreme sadness, frustration, and anger I experienced was real. I never want to feel that way again. If you are with a DA, no matter how seemingly lovable he/she is, and how noble you are that you want to “heal” them, honestly it’s very one-sided and your needs are hardly met. We all live once on this earth, and we deserve to take care of ourselves instead of devoting all that time getting hurt over and over again trying to “save” a DA.

1.space (sooth themselves) 2.they want to feel understood and heard (They need to feel like you want to understand them) be gentle 3.respect their physical space 4.willingness to take responsibility for your own part.

I think DAs are absolutely the most difficult and most toxic people to have a relationship with. Mixed in with the dysfunction is a profound degree of narcissism, self-centeredness, emotional and intimacy starvation, and overall lack of empathy. I say, walk away as soon as possible. Don’t wait until they hook you.

Wow, this is so clarifying. As an FA that was leaning secure before meeting the DA ex, regressed as a result of the relationship, and is now healing by attachment style, I wouldn't deal with a DA again for all the money in the world. Disappearing whenever there's an issue to resolve feels like emotional blackmail. Every time he didn't get his way he held the whole relationship hostage. It was so bad he couldn't even bring himself to show up at my birthday celebration and sulked the whole time. It was just like all my past relationships with narcissists only by a different name, because their various deactivating and protest behaviors feel exactly like the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Furthermore, I understand it's not a DA's fault their emotional bandwidth is smaller, but why would I want to be in a relationship with a person that is literally incapable of relating to me with the same depth of connection? There's no fulfilment possible in that.

I'm just lying here crying as I realize how desperate I was to be seen and heard. Instead I got left. I spent years trying to be understanding, empathetic and having compassion but the same was not afforded to me. I miss my wife everyday.

I wouldn't like to be in the skin of a dismissive-avoidant individual. And we have to understand and try to imagine them as babies, how scary it was for them to be all the time with the fight-or-flight response active. However, I would say, and because even secure individuals can have relationships with dismissive avoidants partners, we have to stand up for ourselves and be emotional warriors. Arguments provide the necessary structure for growth and mutual understanding. So if after the first argument they decide to leave, and leave out of blue, let them go, and love yourself. Have a good day, Thais! :)

I believe if we commit to this journey of self compassion, we can lead by example. Shying away from our inner child, abandoning ourselves, these are things we are the only ones to blame. I see a lot of people here so shocked and mad, frustrated they've wasted their time. I think perhaps this is the best opportunity we've been given to force ourselves heal internally, for real. I'm choosing to see my AA-DA dynamic as a learning experience.

As an anxious preoccupied with a DA partner, I can really agree with you having a need to have verbal validation. Since I ve checked up on in this channel, I told him everything Ive learned regarding the reasons for our attachment style and how best to cope up with it. I asked him once if he could be willing to work with me to both reach the secure attachment style, by slowly changing small attitudes each day especially during arguments, he said yes because he told me that ever since I came to his life, life becomes more wondeful compared to the bad life he was having before me. I dont expect him to be so perfect all the time, I feel great already with little progress no matter how painful sometimes to wait when he needs time. I turn my attention instead to fixing my own core wounds. So when he comes back, im ready as well.

This has really helped me understand why I go mute during stressful times. It is really frustrating to me that it takes me such a long time to know and understand my emotions.

I'm beginning to think he has narcissistic traits as well, an extreme fear of rejection. Only when I used to put myself down to an extreme extent, he was willing to listen - not interact or talk, but listen. Nothing, nothing ever came from him. Unreal.

I (FA) need hugs after an argument and my DA would look at me as though repulsed by the idea of touching me and would even ask me why I thought he would want to hug me...so painful.

OMG my relationship with my DA ex was absolutely consumed by his needs. All we ever argued about (and by argued, I mean he constantly picked fights about) was *his* needs, *his* boundaries, *his* space, *his* schedule. I gave and gave and gave to that relationship and it was never enough. Then, whenever I tried to assert my own needs and resolve why they weren't getting met, he would hijack the conversation and make that about *his needs* too. There was no room for me at all, and he didn't care. "I, me, my" were his obsession 24/7. Ugh. I'll never get involved with a DA again. It was exhausting, he took from me til I had nothing left to give myself and then blew up the whole relationship and disappeared. I got literally nothing out of it. And of course, he's never bothered to apologize or own up to his shitty behavior. I mean, why would he? *He* got everything he wanted.

I'm starting to think my DA boyfriend is more secure than I first thought five months ago. I lean secure but can be easily pushed into being AA or FA depending on the situation. We text every day and he has never needed more than 24 hours to start talking to me after a conflict. I've had to really work hard to set good boundaries and we've had some significant obstacles to overcome learning to trust each other. I'm getting ready to move to his city in 3 weeks which is exciting and scary at the same time.

I have intuitively tried some of these things already and I think they don't work in real life because at least my DA hated talking after a fight altogether. He wasn't persuaded by logically trying to look at the situation to create a better relationship or the idea of being a team. He just wanted to be done with the topic. So I think what is described here is a conversation with sb. who has already started doing the work. Otherwise it's not possible.

I'm sorry, but I won't be coddling or enabling a DA. They are emotionally abusive. They need therapy, not coddling or a relationship. To hell with them.

im so glad I found your channel. thank you for your help, and thank you for being non-judgmental in what you do. i just think you're amazing!!

Thank you for your work. Your channel and content have changed my life. I’m signed up for the Personal Development School and can’t wait to dive deeper. Thank you!

I really find your videos helpful and interesting. I used to be in a relationship with a DA but after trying different advice unfortunately it wasn't meant to be. I still however find your videos real eye openers and it's even got me interest in psychology! You are both beautiful and interesting so thank you once again! Xx

Would really love a video that elaborates and explores into time represses! I find this very fascinating and true

You are a God send young lady! There may be some hope after all. I appreciate your videos immensely. Thank you!

Girl... you’re the bomb! Love your content. It has been extremely helpful ❤️

You really are phenomenal at this. Another great video

Finding your YT channel has helped me turn a corner, thank you :)

This is what I have been looking for. So many articles don’t properly address this. Thank you so much, this was so helpful.

You're Amazing! This is the best channel that has helped me see into myself and my partner. Thank you!

This seems to happen even after a vulnerable conversation that was by no means an argument.

Amazing! Alsot hats off to the video and sound quality!

Very accurate..DA female here and I really need space after a fight or argument to process my thoughts and feelings..I also need to step back from the situation and detach from the emotions I’m feeling at the time of the fight/argument in order to not react based on what I’m feeling but to be able to think logically about things.

Your comparison of DAs emotional processing and the process of communicating in a new language is brilliant. I taught myself German and I understand very well the shutting down, the needing space and time, the inability to formulate thoughts, the embarrassment and fear, etc. Brava Thais!!

Thank you so much Thais!! Such awesome info!!

What a powerful video at JUST the right time for me. Thank-you. ❤

Helpful video!:) I would love to hear more about DA's and their problems giving emotional support for their partner. IN your other videos FA are encouraged to express their needs and be vulnerable, but whenever I do that, my DA partner is not being emotionally supportive at all, and answers in a very rational way not giving any emotional support. It makes me thinkk that expressing needs and being vulnerable does not really help because he has no capability in being supportive and attending those needs, sees my vulnerabilities as weaknesses. It would be great if you could make a video for people who are not good in giving emotional support but want to learn:)

WONDERFUL VIDEO! Thank you!

You are awesome ! I love your teachings, I only wish they would be so willingly to receive the elevation.

Excellent and a very helpful insight

💯 this one crushed it!

Thank you! Your videos have helped me so much to understand my partner! (And myself if I'm being honest!)

This is exactly me, everything she says about DAs is spot on. Its helped me a lot to process my understanding of my own personality

For someone that is anxious, and pursuant getting triggered, and wanting to avoid it; being more pursuant does not seem like an ideal solution. If your emotional needs are not met then leave.

This video is excellent. Thank you. I think my DA feels more secure with me, I naturally do a lot of these things, and when I do it successfully, he immediately calms and comes close to me… but I’ve definitely messed up too several times and the consequences are that he takes lots and lots of space. Hopefully I’m at a mental place now where I can do a better job. I know he loves me and I know we’re soulmates and I know we can do this together. And I can be patient and nourish myself when he needs time.

Was eagerly waiting for this 🙂thank u♥️

Can you please talk about DAs and deactivating and trying to numb out their feelings so bad that they might be doing addictive stuff like drinking or drugs or smoking pot. What is the partner supposed to do then? They are unaware of all these psychological things. I feel like they have gone down a self sabotaging cycle, like he was amazing in the first months but mentioned that once I get to know him better, I’ll realize what a horrible person he is. But in the past 2 months he’s been getting worse and worse. He kept telling me he loves me and wants to be with me, but he keeps self sabotaging dates, and everything to the point where I don’t want to talk to him anymore. But I’m worried that he’s really unwell.

What if DA never bounces back? You said in extreme cases it might take 4 days, my DA never gets back to me after an argument. I'm so tired of being the instigator always.

Oh boi I feel convicted 😮 but this is shedding light thank you

OMG this, I had in incident when after an argument he kept coming in the room wanting to talk and for the first time I got so upset that I started crying so bad that I couldn't catch my breath.This explained the question I was having about this incident.

I tried all of these and I was still stonewalled.

My DA emotionally seems to not be able to meet my emotional needs. He seems to half try and then gives up or gets frustrated because he doesn't understand what I am feeling. He meets other needs just not my emotional needs most of the time. It's like he is 100% all about his needs. I am an FA so I understand I am not easy to love however, when asking to have a healthy conversation I am met with my DA taking everything personal and getting very angry. I have used a script and it got me no place with my DA. It just gave him an excuse to put off the conversation for another time. Meanwhile, we never address anything at all. We literally go in circles and I get hurt and frustrated pull back and consider whether I even want to say in my marriage because I feel so unheard, unseen, and unimportant to my DA. How can I help him talk about his feelings ? He doesn't after 22 years say what he loves about me and wants from me. He says very shallow things like "you care about people", that's why I am loved and wanted because SOMEONE will always care about you??? That doesn't feel like I am loved at all or like my spouse even knows me at all. Who do I fix this? Go back to ignoring him that seems counter productive to me

Can you do a deeper dive on what they need in each stage with conflict?? Thanks!!

this is so helpful as a DA I can't even explain. My fiance and I bicker all the time (like playfully that's just our dynamic and I love it), but there's a distinct difference if it's an actual serious disagreement. In this case I ALWAYS feel like this. Numb/resistant during, then very much needing space, then hours later texting or talking to him (usually apologizing/taking responsibility for something) and we work it out and forgive. But this would have saved me years of thinking I was like a sociopath or some kind of emotional retard lol. thank you!

Yeah im 100 percent sure my ex was DA even tho he tested AP on the Attachment Project test. He complained i didnt understand him and that he felt judged. Well yes i have strong boundaries that i even expressed to him that i dont tolerate someone making plans with me and standing me up. So yes i will judge that behavior. You have to love yourself first. Also there was no apology and no accountability. Just turning it on me and deflecting blame. Maybe if he had apologized and this wasnt the 3rd time he had stood me up on plans he himself made, i wouldnt have left him.

yeah all good but i am tired when i am trying to do the mature, calm talking, but they act like i am the bad guy all the time, and they´re the victim, when they hurt me just the same and they don´t even do something about it nor care. this is over for me.

Watching all these videos are helpful but can be overwhelming.

My DA is loving our stability stage or commitment stage i feel lost as to which one it is, but i know he is lllllloving it!❤️❤️😊😊 He hated our power struggle stage. He is quite secure now, and my AP tendencies have dwindled down to pretty much nothing with him! I actually feel the Most safe with him emotionally now, isn’t that something? 👀🧐🤔 P.s. every time I felt super duper hurt reactions to his actions or lack thereof, I subconsciously gravitated towards these vids on him for some reason! 👀🧐🤔 At one point I regretted meeting him and was pissed! Now I am soo happy that I met him (like in the beginning)! 😊😊❤️❤️🤩🤩

My DA basically tore me up for asking for a conversation after not communicating for TEN days... Because he wanted 2 weeks space. Then piled a load of stuff on top, and passed blame to me for those things. But that was all AFTER the "I'm breaking up with you" speech so I know its pretty irrelevant, as he had already made and vocalised his decision. Anything after that was just a bunch of excuses to justify it. I hadn't actually done anything wrong. He hasnt spoken to me in four months since then. I know he was struggling with processing his emotions, but he chose to take his space with his previous ex who then broke us up, telling him I was a threat to his emotional and mental health. (Agenda much???) She had messaged me to tell me she wanted me to find out who he was seeing because he was obviously in love with that person (not knowing it was me) and she wanted to break them up so he would come back to her. I told her there was no way I was going to do that, and she realised she had overplayed her hand, and that I would tell him, which would spoil her chances. I've been waiting patiently for him to work through it, in his own time. I hear their relationship is in trouble already; old toxic patterns, lies and manipulation are not the solid foundations of a relationship, and its what broke them up before. She's spent the last four months isolating him from his social circle, family and almost cost him his job too. Lucky for him, we work together and the boss is a very old family friend of mine, so he took my thoughts on board and didn't fire him. (Fourth time I have done this for him!) She did this to him last time they were together too, and on that occasion he didnt have me there to speak up for him so he did lose his job. He knows all this, but still goes back! I think what hurts the most is that we were close friends for 8 years prior to our relationship, and we had a deep bond. He said my home was the only place he felt safe and belonged. He forgot that though, while he was throwing me under the bus. Im hoping that given time, he will remember......

The "why bother?" thing hit me very hard. My DA ex has said that MANY times, and it takes the pain I'm already feeling from the argument and COMPOUNDS it! We were together for 7 years the first time; had a 4 year split; got back together in 2017 and recently split again in May, due to him having an emotional affair with my niece. All the things he said to her, I wanted & NEEDED to hear from him. I was once on the receiving end of his affections. The closer he got to her, the more distant he was with me. This went on for 2 months before I found out, and it would've gotten to a physical level if it had gone on any longer. He tried SO hard! He threw say 19 years total for a fu****g GAMBLE... with OUR niece... we were basically married! We lived like a married couple, we just didn't have the legal piece of paper. It's sick! What's even more sick is that I can't let him completely go. I was his ride or die, and he was ONCE mine. In my older years, I've calmed my anxious behaviors and was very interested in learning him, but he just wouldn't open up to me and it ended up in a fight almost every time. I tried. I really tried. Some DA's just won't lower their walls (until you're broken up). I just don't get them. At least my DA.

When Thais laughs it's just Soo cute :)

Extremely helpful. I'm hoping for the opportunity to say these things. There's been a breach. It has lasted a week.

How do you have so much knowledge about this stuff?? Really appreciate this video.

I am anxious but i relate with all that you said

Geez, for being "independent" and "self reliant", dismissive avoidants sure have a lot of external needs. They sound needy, almost anxious.

As someone with almost being secure but some avoidant and also anxious tendemcies , i recently had an argument with a fearful avoidant leaning dismissive friend. It has been challenging cause at the same time i want to share compassion i was busy standing up for myself cause he was in trigger mode of just accusing me. After a few hours i wrote a text where i said that im not happy how the argument went still i will take responsibility for my part that it wont go the same way again becsuse i respect our differences and i see those boundaries needed. Therefore i behaved the best way i could in the moment and tried to stand up for myself, as well i think he did the same too. I also wrote i am aware we didnt intend to hurt or upset each other, even if we did hurt or upset in the situation. I wrote that i dont want to let stand defiance in the way so there is no bad blood from my side. There might miss the compassion part but i guess thats something i would like to say in person. Still i think things (also in friendships) are just working if both sides take acccountability and reflect themselves,right ?

As an infj, I just got to know that amazing concept which known as Fe-Ti loop, which is literally about pulling off, and freezing, where we be on a defense mechanism where we all just harshly judging the satitution, yet due to the extrovert feeling Fe function, we won't bother communicate our needs, to more like, oh we don't wanna share it, or it's not polite enough or I'm not allowed to Corunna my needs or any of the above. And BTW, it takes me months being pulled off and ignoring my partner, but just learning about those concepts and tryina educate myself is very helpful

i believe my bf is a DA... and im FA maybe with some secure aspects (both of us) but hes definitely mostly dismissive hes made me cry a few times because on top of his dismissive avoidant personality hes depressed and tends to snap sometimes without meaning to. but when i express my hurt sometimes he doesnt understand, the only time i got through to him was when i told him sometimes it felt like a friendship compared to a romantic relationship... i ended up word vomiting everything after bottling thjngs up and he ended up crying his eyes out realizing how isolated and neglected i felt because of how he treated the relationship. i think he mentioned something about appreciating the honesty and i was so bewildered lol i didnt expect him to cry, but i let him (he was turned away the whole timr and didnt want me to see him lmao). i believe thais said in one of her videos that they appreciate being told "how to love", since they feel like they cant do that properly. and as he explained himself i just got more bewildered, saying something along the lines of he never saw the point of emotional aspects while acknowledging that he knew i needed more emotional reassurance than he did. anyway idk where im going with this im just trying to figure him out 😂 i cant fathom thinking that way im such an emotional person and i care so deeply for people and helping them on their feet im like why whats the point of being so negative ?! rhough im currently going through therapy and helping unlearn my own negative bias its really hard for me to see the red flags but i appreciate him at least hearing me out and putting the effort kn asking how im doing.. it takes so much energy for me to be honest its terrifying but hes helping me be more honest with him. idk im rambling maybe im hoping im positively impacting him even if its just a little. we did hug afterward, he usually comforts me physically when im having a cry, so hes at lesst capable of doing thst, i cant imagine being with a DA who cant give me physical affection! either way this is such a huge learning experience for me after learning why i get attracted to DAs, im almost treating him like an experiment because of it but i truly care about him hes such a cutieeee pieeee and hes helped me increase my self esteem and im trying to do the same with him. thx thais for these videos you honestly are a genius with attachment styles im learning so much im obsessed lmfao it helps me take a step back and analyze what and why things upset me or make me happy! you are a gift

Wow i'm impress... I think my boyfriend is s avoidant,... and this was really helpfull!! thank you

I've been on and off with a DA for a bit now and for the first time, we actually had a heated argument that we talked thru and finished. Typically I (FA) will have an emotional outburst around the 4 to 6 month mark, he gets defensive because I think he associates arguments with endings, then we both go silent.The difference between this time and the others is that after he went on the defense, I responded calmly and then ended it saying that I realize I'm all over the place sometimes, but just know it all comes from a place of love. He reached out the next day like nothing happened and all was good! I used to think he didn't care enough about me to try and make it work until I realized he's a DA and this is how he copes. I think him being reminded that I love him made him feel safe.

I love my DA. He is the most amazing man i've ever met. And we are both moving to secure. And i love these videos. We both watch them. And we are both so committed. Sometimes i'm sad when i read all these comments about how awful DA's are. Because i have a lot of amazing DA's in my life.

hi thais, i’ve been listening to your content religiously since i first found it about 4 months ago and it’s been very helpful to me because of how you can explain with great detail about attachment literature, i’ve learned faster from watching your videos than the pace i was at before finding your channel, but even then the one thing that still has me curious is how different combinations of the attachment styles work and wanted to ask if you could make a mini series on why the attachment styles pair with each other. i often read that when an anxious and an avoidant pair it is hard for them to separate and they call it the “anxious-avoidant trap” because they trigger each other’s insecurities and reconcile and go in a circle, could you explain why we do this on a subconscious level? why do we pair (and stay) with people who have have polarizing needs as us, why is it that we barely hear about anxious-anxious and avoidant-avoidant relationships but see a lot of anxious and avoidants pairing with each other?

There’s so much hope ! I’m AA and my DA and I have healed so much together. It’s really me as the AA to lead the way through our healing. The more empowered my person becomes the more he steps up to take initiative when we have a hiccup. It’s so amazing to be where we are now ❤️

Thais, what to do if a DA just refuses any kind of communication whatsoever?? Like literally you can't even discuss the space thing with them, they just stop talking after an argument. I have suggested in the past that we at some point we get back to talk about things constructively, or he could say: I just need space but I will be back and then we can talk. - NONE of this is happening. He will literally not say a single word. He'll just stop speaking. It's unbearable, and the partner is just supposed to take this...? It's not possible. My ex DA was never ever willing to work on things, everything was perceived as criticism or an attack, no matter how patient and supportive I was. What can be done in such extreme cases?

i expressed and showed i cared for him, he said he didn´t want to be responsible for my needs at all and didn´t reach out to me for 2 days now, we will see. I think with some people there is nothing to make them feel ok, they just don´t want to communicate at all and expect you to accept their emotional abuse

Thank you for this! I now know that I have an anxious attachment personality my boyfriend is avoidant & I would freak out when he would walk away because I felt like he was just blowing me off.

This waiting and giving space time is so hard, I’ve giving people this time to think before and it felt like they only used it to convince themself of what they are fearing. I’m so scared of not being able to have a true conversation after two days of not being able to comfort them and show them that I’m here to work on things.

My boyfriend is a DA and broke up with me almost two weeks ago. I haven’t spoken with him since. So he’s probably extreme..way more than 4 days. I’m seeking resolution but he has totally shut down and his reasoning for breaking up makes no sense. We were about to move in together and he has walked away without saying a word. Needless to say I’m hurt and confused. We’ve been in each other’s lives for 10 years so it isn’t as if we aren’t familiar....I’m just sitting still and learning to manage how I’m feeling.

Perfect timing for me! Thank you!

What a Dismissive-Avoidant needs after an argument is a U-Haul. (Dated one for six years.)

Liked it before even starting to watch.for I just had an argument (one sided, if u know what I mean😅),,with my DA man, last night .. thanks PDS💜

I have evolved into a more secure attachment style but it takes me a day or so To process what I want to say or how I feel about the issue and possible resolution.

No securely attached person should date them because clearly, There's only room for the DAs needs. I dated one for a few months without knowing about attachment styles but my gut told me that I'd have to choose between her and me own mental health, so i left. Looking back it really turns out that i dodged a bullet here and I'd suggest avoiding them (pun) as soon as you see the signs. Nobody deserves to be in such an emotionally empty non-relationship.

DAs need divine intervention.

Content: 2:21

Hi Thais, Is there a connection between personality types and attachment styles? eg; Your description of DA needs around arguing/conflict sound very similar to what INJF & INFP s need in a relationship are - They both dislike/avoid conflict/tension and crave harmony - as you said. When confronted these types also have a reduced capacity to verbally express their emotions or feelings. Of course that may also be what made them DA in the first place - catch 22. Thank you for all your work on this area of relationships it has certainly been very helpful understanding myself (an INFP) and my partner and how we can communicate better.

They are not worth it. It’s too hard they suck. It’s not all about them they don’t care about anyone. Give them a wide hearth,,,,,,!!!

As a Fa I do all these things you mentioned but my da friend is not actually needing space she’s always ready to make it worse and accuse me for new things every time...the fact that Da’s think badly about their friend or partner makes it so hard to fix things with them..like I can make it fine and explain myself to her once or twice but i can’t do it forever!!!

If both individuals are open, willing to reflect, understand then we can work towards to sone kind of balance.. In my case the guy said he doesn't want to invest in 'negativity'. He said 'life is easy'. It was only a month but it was intense and it feels unfinished but I have to accept that he dropped me.

Ive seen my DA twice in the last 5 months. Tried having a needs negotiation yesterday and she lost it at me and pulled the pin.

I’ve just been fully described in this video ... DA 👀 !

My DA always started screaming and cursing me out straight up to not even have to deal with issues. But thank you

Is there a video on how exactly to give space to an avoidant? Especially if you’re living together? I don’t know how to handle this. For me, giving space emotionally - I have to do physically or else it triggers me and I think a good day is us coming back together and that isn’t so.

I am now learning about my own attachment style and realizing my partner may be fearful or dismissive style.

I have no idea what she needed, we never had an argument in 18 months of dating…. Then one day, the day after a fun, lovely and passionate date, she sent me a blindside, discard TEXT… Never saw it coming….

I'm FA leaning DA and my bf DA and I would literally have a 3 sentence argument and it would feel explosive 😂 We both hate it and would take space apart. This feeling of "I think we've talked enough now for the next month" would come into my mind but usually around 4 or 5 days i start missing him again😂 Then it's usually a countdown to see who gives in first because neither likes feeling vulnerable😭

Can you do a video on what to do when a dismissive avoidant wants to casually date only and you want a relationship.

DA is so pitiful, I also have a part of DA in me that sometimes I avoid some people, but for people I'm really serious about and want to develop feelings for, I don't want to avoid them, so I always have a need. sympathize with them, but maybe sympathizing is not enough. I seem to be bad at expressing it through words. It seems like bringing happiness and sticking together is a luxury for me! I think! 😢

Why enable dismissive avoidant behavior by staying in a relationship with them instead of working on becoming more secure ourselves and giving ourselves a chance to start anew with someone more secure?

9:05 How many FAs out there have knees that snap, crackle or pop too? 🙋🏽‍♂️

Thank you so much for your videos. I had a gf and got stuck in a loop where i desperately needed her love in words and actions and eventually she became cold without me understanding. I got angry, she got angry because of my complaining and i dexided to break up. It was the only thing left. Then she started ignoring me (always when angry) and eventually we got together again and everything started over again. I got crazy not understanding her. Why doesnt she show me love, why doesnt she want to move in, why doesnt she sms back and then be so sweet when we were together. Now I understand it all. But.. What do I do now. I cannot fix her being DA? :(

How do we communicate to the dismissive avoidant that they need help? 😞