What To Do If Your Man Has Aspergers (Or You Suspect He Does) 

Thanks for sharing your experience here!

Aww thank you! 💞

Thanks for sharing your insights here, Faith! 💗

Straight like that!!!

Thanks for sharing your experience here. The right one for you is out there!

@@HelenaHartCoachingnot everyone’s reality but having hope is good

Thanks for sharing your experience here, Andrea! 💕

Don't please don't

@@allaboardthegravytrain5987 You're right sadly. If he is still like this at 67, nothing is going to change. You will end up extremely frustrated by him.

Hopefully both of you can grow

missmerbella www.faaas.org/assets/final-salve.pdf Hope this helps. It was excruciating being with my Aspergers partner. Off/on since 2003. Had a child together etc. Wasn’t diagnosed until his behaviors were too much after baby born. Very difficult. Was ok as a coworker, but after dating a while and the communication/relational side...lack of reciprocity and empathy were very traumatic for me.

Sounds like he lacks the emotional bandwidth to hande a relationship. However, there are many that do. A lot of it has to do with if they've had any sort of therapy, and if so, what kind.

Elizabeth F emotional bandwidth in Aspergers is pretty narrow, par for the course. It is part of the disorder. Emotional, social realms are part of what makes it such a relational struggle. They do not do well with understanding others emotional states or expressing their own emotional states... it makes true, deep connection (being truly seen and understood) pretty impossible. If someone is fine with a superficial, functional, logistics based, roommate scenario...this can work. It’s very dissatisfying and painful for a person who wants more connection, authenticity and depth, however.

That's not entirely true. It has to do to vague nerve underdevelopment. There are therapies designed to assist in the growth and development of the vagus nerve..and lots of different skills we can learn to moderate our emotions. There will always be challenges, but with willingness I have seen many Aspies become subclinical. In other words, the liabilities and worst characteristics are mitigated to the point that they no longer interfere on a measurable level. The quirkiness and innocence is still there, but the sardonic comments, harsh tongue and superior tone are greatly reduced. Much of it has to do with becoming comfortable with emotions instead of panicking, blaming others and trying to make them go away. (It has often been compared with PTSD.) Try not to paint with such a wide brush. Finding out someone has AS doesn't mean they're *definitely* going to be an a-hole anymore than finding someone has cancer means they're going to die... Find out what they've done to mitigate it, THEN decide.

Elizabeth F I’m medical professional. Not only have I spoken to a neuropsychologist, who work with ASD as a specialty, but another psychologist who has written books and helped people internationally. Just like everything else, ASD has individual nuances. I do know of the polyvagal nerve therapy concept. Yes the vagus nerve is involved, and influences, many functions. ASD is genetic often brought on by epigenetic influences. Toxins in environment is a huge trigger, the gut microbiome is huge (a current area of study for me)...those with ASD are being consistently shown to have dysbiosis. The gut/brain axis portion is huge. It’s multifactorial and pieces often influence other dynamics. It’s not as simple as vagus nerve...which may or may not be a part of ASD for some. And while some people can improve the emotional/social aspects, many can not change enough to provide the reciprocity, support and connection needed for a healthy, interdependent relationship. Have you been in relationship with someone with aspergers? It sounds as if you’re speaking from experiencing aspergers from a different realm...but not as a NT, with a painful relationship with someone with ASD. That’s fine, but your paradigm will be slanted and myopic, unless you’ve experienced it...or have good capacity for empathy and understanding the actual multilayered/multifaceted factors at play. I keep hearing you defend Aspies in relationship, without hearing or acknowledging the immense pain, heartache, longterm, deep struggle. Trying to convince us NT’s that it’s not that bad... is like me trying to convince an open heart patient that they’re just fine and that some patients don’t need much pain med. That’s not going to convince that patient they’re not in pain. As a matter of fact, it adds fuel to the fire. Not only are they in pain, but additionally, their pain is dismissed and minimized. So, they are in pain and unheard. Even worse. That right there is EXACTLY what many of us have experienced day-to-day, with Aspies. They inadvertently gaslight us, by inability to see what we are experiencing...and instead try to convince us of a different reality. It’s maddening. I suspect you have Aspergers.

I’m glad this resonated with you, thanks for sharing!

@@HelenaHartCoaching thanks for taking the time and care to discuss this topic.

You’re welcome!

Usally people are negative and always think bad of us :( I feel u my guy Some thsi bs make me cry too U wish I coudl fix myself

@@taco2728 yea I am actually dating a guy with Asperger’s syndrome, and this video explained perfectly what I do-unconsciously now- for him.

Thanks for sharing your experience here!

I have asspergers thank u this make me smile 😃

Yeah it is realoy a blockage in awkardism u want to not be u dont knoe how to tho u do buti t blocks it I have felt confidence before and no fesr it felt good soemtimes I wish I could get back to that rare and thsoe rare flashes well cbd helps and it doesnt make me deppressed like pills and makesm e feel great! Why u never judge a book by its cover people have issues and if u make fun of a dick And they have an issue that they cant help with or tell just letting u know ur the real dick lol

Well good too know we could actualky get some women :(

Yallstool like him tho yay ur the sweetest nicest eva frr

You’re welcome Edward, thanks for sharing your experience here! I’m so glad this video was helpful.

Edward, I have a friend in the same position as your partners. She is in the same position as your previous relationships. He is a physically loving person especially his husband duties, kids, chores, time ect, he just cant express it mentally. She asks and pleads with him for more mental stimulation. How should she express or tell him to do this?

Yes, absolutely!

Same 🤧😖😒 xD I had to fix it I hit ering emoji button tho loll

@@HelenaHartCoaching thank u good toxknpw so happy that girls dont reaoky care insteada just rejecting they undesrstand and care po lthank yall so kuch

Same

Thanks for sharing your experience here!

Lots of ppl detest today's hookup culture. Don't be discouraged. I work on developing myself when I'm not with a partner, that's what I feel everyone should do. Invest in ourselves so we are feeling good about who we are when we come face to face with our right person. Aspies offer some great qualities that are not always easy to find, and yet so valuable to neuro-typicals.

SuramanTRD , i feel you , i have asperger to . and dating suck real bad since 5 year ago ever since Tinder really became popular

Yup sadly all my issues my family yells at me to learn I wish they kneeww 😭😭😭

@@philippegauthier9692 loll

Thanks so much for sharing your experience and insights here, Elaine! ❤️

Thank you, this is so important to express with the man. Do you have any advice for ladies expressing this with a man? We appreciate your feedback or anyone else who can respond with advice. ❤️

Adrienne Everheart's Love Academy I am the autistic wife here and my husband is neurotypical, patient, compassionate and intelligent (I highly recommend asperger females to look for men with such traits.) I expressed how I feel when he gazes into my eyes, like being threatened, overwhelmed, bodily sensation like heart attack. I cannot stand being touched when the environment is bright, with other people, lots of movements going on. I am too distracted to be in the intimate mood at a place with regular lights, sound, etc. Anxiety is another common issue. Partners who can be consistent help us a lot to ease the anxiety.

Adrienne Everheart's Love Academy oh, I misread your reply. As for ladies whose parters are autistic. I would suggest express your feelings/needs in a literal concrete and specific way. (Don’t expect us to get the cues) Giving Aspies some time to switch in between activities. Giving limited choices, avoiding open ended questions. Encourage Aspies affectionately and warmly when we do the right things. Show a lot of appreciation, allowing and trusting. Using hand stop sign to stop us from excessive talking at you.

Magic Handz that’s some good advice! My ex was an introvert and needed lots of sleep 🤣

Adrienne Everheart's Love Academy - here is the thing about loving someone who either has this diagnosis or is extremely intelligent, the more I dove into Buddhism (the mindset of living in the present) the closer and more intimate we got! He doesn’t have regret (that’s the past) and he doesn’t have fear (that’s the future). Everything is right here and right now because that’s a tangible reality for him - a state that is measurable. So when I drift into that me-me-me space it baffles him! That space is future fear stuff. He also sees nothing is wrong if I haven’t communicated my feelings - I can’t assume he’s assimilated all of my hints and cues I’ve thrown at him when I’m silent. And if I want him to know something, I have to tell him. If we are planning to meet each other then I choose to be super flexible as to his arrival time because again he chooses not to live in the future. If I need his affection, I tell him. If I’m proud of his achievements I again tell him. Otherwise the nonverbal communication I throw at him could be scrambled. He’s very linear and real-time. I’ve stuck around this “genius” for 7 yrs because I’ve learned to be a better person. Life isn’t always about me

Magic Handz - Thanks for sharing your experience and insights here! 💕

Helena Hart - I also am a mom of 2 with special needs and I also work with people of all ages with special needs.... Content like this is GREAT and SHOULD be addressed! They should not be treated as imbeciles or non-touchable. Einstein was autistic (I believe) and he was an amazing man who contributed so much to society and history overall. I have experienced so much soul growth in working with them as well as being absolutely in love with a man who above in intelligence- I even pulled away from Facebook and Instagram and just concentrated on the beauty of being....divinely different

I completely agree!

Thanks for sharing your experience here!

@molly mayHugs to you 💙

@@susanlore345 It was a friend of mine who pointed out, that he in many ways, seemed simular to her daughter who had this diagnose. When I started to read about it all the boxes clicked. He agreed to take a home test, and he scored, even as a grown man, very high. But he refused to go counselling, and did not want any form of help with our realationship. I wish we could have done that. Because in that in that moment I realized there was no turning back.

That’s so sad

Oh no I have asspergers and im a horndog lol frr thoo

Thank u as an aspie lol frr tho

I've dated this same person you are describing for 2 years now. I don't think it's gonna end up in marriage which is probably right.

@@allaboardthegravytrain5987why are you wasting by our time with someone like that? Even if you love him you can love someone else.

As a guy on the spectrum I hear you Loud and clear! I didn’t even discover I was autistic until last year and I’m 39 now. Looking back I’m at a loss for words as I see so much masking and confusion. When it came to relationships I found I could attract women fairly easily but everything after that was difficult, confusing and draining! I basically had to pretend to be a normal guy and that drained the life out of me. And what’s the point of being in a relationship where you are “pretending” all of the time? So I’ll just stay single

Btw I also hate small talk and it has made school, work and all relationships to be so much more difficult. What’s worse is the older I get the more I hate small talk and the faster it drains me . I do not like it

@@brianmeen2158 Those are the wrong type of women. I'm sure there are a good number who'd accept you for who you are. I'm never giving up the possibility to find one as well.

Bro. Although I've had sexual partners and I've had short term relationships. They only last long enough for women to realize who I am behind the mask. And when it gets too difficult for them, they end things.. I can't relate entirely, but turning 35 in a few months, without having a life partner and having been left because there's realization of my aspergers, it crushes me. I've cried many nights in loneliness.. Just know you're not alone bro, my prayer for you is that you do find someone who sees and appreciates you for who YOU are. Love from South Africa, brother

@@the_unpopular_christian Thank you for the love bro. I’ve come to the realization that mild autism/Aspergers isn’t that much of a dealbreaker as I thought. I’m am still treated like I’m invisible around women but maybe one day I’ll find that super understanding compassionate gem that loves me for me and I hope the same happens for you. Love from Canada.

Thanks for sharing your insights here, Gary.

Thank you for your insight!.

Lel... I’m an Aspie... That first one I relate with so much... hinting is just hard for me to recognize... but I believe we can teach ourselves to notice these things more often. uwu

Leo Estellar - Thanks for sharing your experience here, too!

Siquomb1 As someone who has aspergers he might be afraid of rejection, or not use to someone saying yeah sure I’ll go with you. He may have difficulty understanding if you actually want to go. Texts are literally nightmares for us. So call him and say in a caring voice I’ll go with you and see how he sounds in response. You might also not understanding that him saying no to you is not the same no he’s thinking what I mean is no, you don’t need to when he’s saying no and you taking it as firm or aggressive. I don’t have much background so I can’t really know and this is just how I interpret. I usually tell someone that I have interest in how to communicate to me so I understand it’s very difficult and not easy which is why dating is very hard unless the other person is familiar with aspergers and educated themselves on the matter before going deep. Since having a family member with aspergers isn’t the same as dating someone who has aspergers when all previous relationships were with “normal” people it’s a learning curve and not a easy one if your not patient.

Smart move ! Him getting help won’t cure it and, the older they get the worse it gets . It will drain you to no end .

@@shiamaxwell3482 , I moved out, and by my own choice, kept a loving friendship with my ex, it has solved the problems, as I read others did the same, in several other comments. Asperger's is too hard to live with, but we are friends now, I made the right choice for my life. I am happy now.

@@karencarty6530 I thought my husband was a quiet Christian man . After a year and a half I had him move out 2006 he was slacking way too much. I found out what it was 2019. He’s back 2022, I can’t take it caring for someone that won’t talk and looses everything thing important. I’m filling 57 years of his retirement papers not him . He’s lazy and likes to be alone. He finally admits to be he knows he’s “ different “. 2004 he told me “ I know I’m slow and will use it to my advantage “. That’s not fair to me . He’s on Leave until retirement starts. He’s home today he usually is out but it’s raining. He won’t talk, Feed himself. Anyone with this or other disorders should be told not figure it out !

You sure he isn't a npd?

That’s helpful for people to know, thanks for sharing!

Thanks for sharing your experience here - the right one for you is out there!

Hi I stumbled upon your comment & as a woman recently diagnosed with Asperger’s at 28 I found Rudy Simone’s books Aspergirls and 23 Things a Woman with Asperger’s Wants Her Partner to Know to be very helpful in understanding myself & explaining it to my partner. I totally understand how painful it is to have things that are completely out of your control attributed to personal failings. My partner & I are currently working through this & he is beginning to understand those differences. The most important part is figuring out the ways aspie & neurotypical people communicate differently so you can bridge those gaps. Aspie people communicate fine with other aspies & the same with NTs. It’s when they’re together that there’s an issue. What I’ve had to realize is that while I’m different it’s less that I’m disabled & more that the environment I’m in is disabling because I’m an aspie in a world built for NTs. It’s really easy to fall into a pit of despair that you’re broken or cursed & you wish you were just normal because it would be so much easier, but the more I’ve tailored my environment to my needs & bring what tools I need when I’m out in the world the easier it’s gotten. & the more I’ve quit caring how weird other people think I am so I don’t mask, the better I feel. When it comes to a relationship the person will have to understand your needs & how to communicate with you. They should care to understand your condition as best they can. If they’re not willing to do that they’re not the right person to be with. They either don’t care enough about you to facilitate your needs or they’re not equipped to be with someone that is an aspie. It will never be a “normal” relationship, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be a fulfilling one. My partner has difficulty dealing with me sometimes, but he also wouldn’t want me to be like “normal” girls. I’m sorry for whatever struggles you’re going through. It’s hard to see the positives in being on the spectrum when it feels the like negatives are consuming. I think the more an aspie understands their condition, the better they can suit their environment, structure, job, etc. to their needs. Without those things it can be a constant fight between a part of yourself & the world that isn’t made for it with you trapped in the middle. I’m sorry whatever struggles you’re going through. I hope any of this helps.

@@rachelroot3611 yeah.. I've got several of Rudy's books.. Hers were the first I read, and I'm actually gaining a lot through AspergerExperts.com and Celebrate Recovery (free local group). What I realized is that my guy is one the spectrum and has about zero emotional bandwidth. Any unpleaseant feelings and he runs, drinks, or blames. Lots of awesome traits, which made saying goodbye hard. In may ways we are soulmates. He just doesn't have the coping skills necessary to resolve conflict. Bummer.

Excellent point above! This! No they wouldn’t say it to a blind or deaf person. Autism is a disability it’s being socially blind coming from an adult with NLD. More compassion here would be great! It’s not a flaw in character it’s a difference in being and operating system and people need to be more kinder and understanding about this. It you want something ask, if something bothers you tell us directly and use concrete language and tact. We are willing to work with you if your willing to work with us.

Thanks for sharing your experience here!

I'm so sorry. 🥺

Yes, thanks for sharing!

@@HelenaHartCoaching because of that, I feel that guys with autism or just guys who don't do well socially, I feel they are entitled or have a right to have hatred or resentment towards that gender role or tradition that men are expected to make the first move or talk to women first in terms of starting a relationship.

This is so true, I was once on a date where the woman I was with apparently made a lot of overly obvious signals that she wanted to do be physically intimate. I found out cause my friend laughed at me when I told her the story of the date. It's hard to explain to the women that I date (which is rare) that I really don't understand what's going on, and that can be really frustrating to them. I want to be a good boyfriend, and I constantly ask what's going on and what I could do, but they tell me " you should just know" which is not helpful xD

@@jmc6326 yeah at the same time, women expect us men to be able to easily read and understand their subtle signs or hints, women think they are making it extremely obvious, but it's oblivious to many men.

@@nobodysperfect06 That's not exactly what I'm talking about. Like everyone around me, guys and girls alike are picking up on it, and I'm just like nope. As an example, I don't understand emotions usually until they're at extremes. So if someones upset, it doesnt register with me until they're crying, I miss the build up to it. It's not cause I dont care, I just dont see it. It's tough to explain that to someone though. Because I lack confidence in reading social interactions, I have a lot of hesitancy in pursuing relationships, which is why I found your post so relatable

Each new year I realize just how different I really am, sometimes I feel sorry for those that "know" me, especially sad for those that tried to know me, as I pushed them relentlessly aside. Bottom line, better off alone, quiet, safe ~~ good luck in this world!! ~~

@@sbsman4998 I agree. He needs to stay single or he'll end up hurting some poor, unsuspecting female and also probably himself in the process. Sorry, but it's true.

Even worse. Try being a hispanic man on the spectrum

Hi Annie, these videos might be helpful: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-_jARxknc160.html, ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-x8yKaWNdq7g.html and ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-44nvPtjpPls.html.

You’re born with the device, it’s called instinct and gut feeling

Relationships are hard. That’s just how the nature of them work

What if you take responsibility for your own decisions instead of self-righteously hurting others?

Thanks for sharing your experience here!

That’s so sweet, thanks for sharing!

EJMedia Facts

I agree some of the comments on here reek of ableism. It’s actually really hurtful to people dxed with aspbergers or any social learning difference frankly as life long social challenges are an issue. Please try to understand and not just from an NT lense. Everyone wants to be included and loved. This is my challenge to NT comentors to understand another’s perspective. I can fully validate how frustrating it must be to not always have your needs met, to feel ignored or emotionally invalidated or to not have communication in the way you must like. Then you need to sit down with your partner and have a discussion or if your needs can’t be met leave the relationship so they can find someone who loves them for all they are. JUST LIKE ANY OTHER RELATIONSHIP. Try please living everyday in the shoes 👠 of the world judging you for all social interactions before judging please and take a step back and imagine how hurtful that must feel living in that skin before you judge or condemn. This is my invitation to NT partners. Not to invalidate relationship struggles but to invite you to understand from a different perspective or lense than your used to. This comes from an adult with NLD some say we’re on the spectrum some say we are not. But social cues is also hard here. This is a learning disability and neurological wiring and it’s social blindness it’s the same thing as being in a wheelchair. You wouldn’t tell someone in a wheelchair to walk without their wheelchair. It’s like being color blind and people must understand that lds or different neurological wiring is as legit as being in a wheelchair accommodations must be made. It’s not fair for us to always be doing the bending in a world that feels like it’s is deliberately cruel to people with social LDS. Please always practice kindness and compassion before you judge. This is coming from a life long hurt of people misjudging and misunderstanding me.

You're welcome Julia, I'm so happy to hear this was helpful for you!

Thanks so much for sharing, that’s really helpful for people to know!

Thanks for sharing your experience here!

You’re welcome! ❤️ Here’s the latest video I recorded with Adrienne if anyone would like to check it out: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-yesC8Scw9a0.htmlsi=z-Xgyrp78xDcgLZi

There's a great website called Asperger Experts which has great resources for learning how to process emotions so that we CAN do relationship. There IS hope. :)

You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it! 💕

I find with my partner that even the slightest hint of anything that could be construed as criticism he cannot handle. It might be the most innocuous thing, like something stupid about his dog. He will take it personally. It is impossible.

Yes, Adrienne is gorgeous inside and out! 💖

Thanks for sharing your experience here!

Hopefully she didn't break up cause of ur aspi sf lol btw if I liek a girk I can hold thsi problem shit in most of it I can try to hide tooo fr tho loll

@@taco2728 I am not sure if it was the Asperger's 🤔 I was working a double shift to pay for our house together, one day I came home from work and she was in bed with another man, 😢fast-forward 7 years after seperation, I found out ( through DNA testing ) my two children are not biologically mine. 😢😢 But they call me Dad 🕎🌎🌍🌏✝️

I’m also learning about dating a possible ASD man. I’ve learned about “masking” and how in dating, they can mask a lot in the beginning. Dating tips for autistic people often include being aware of how much you’re masking and reducing this so you come across as how you actually are in a relationship. This way, the other partner can see you as you are and you both can better evaluate the compatibility between you two. I feel for what you’re going through. It sounds like a tough situation especially when he started behaving in ways you didn’t expect. Communication can be difficult (my main problem I’m seeing with someone who I think has ASD or something similar). I hope you’re doing okay and I wonder how you navigated your situation. Feel free to share an update.

Tiffany Shine my question is, is it really necessary to be diagnosed? Will it change anything? I’d lean back and continue dating him and if it’s troublesome use your tools. When you’re married if it’s an issue address it but don’t let diagnosing him become slow poison to the relationship. ❤️

@@AdrienneEverheart Ok thank you so much for your response ❤

Could be something else other than autism. Trauma in childhood can cause a whole bunch of social issues

Thanks for sharing your experience and insights here, I know many people can relate.

Thanks for the suggestion, Marissa! I’ll see if Adrienne or anyone else I know has experience with that topic. ❤️

@@HelenaHartCoaching love you so much helena! thank you! 💓

You’re welcome! 💗

Lol I have asspergers ADHD maybe add maybe slight OCD XD but im pretty chill sometiems especially if I liek a girl lol

But ill wanna talk a lot tooo them tho lololol frr loslsol

Thanks for sharing your insights here, Elizabeth!

I recently discovered that the man I love is on the spectrum. I yelled at him in a way that shut him down completely. How to do I go about fixing things with him?

Thank you to the person who liked my question as it brought me back here and I have an update. I decided it must be a situationship so I messaged him and kindly said a situationship is not for me. He called me and said he thought we were already in a relationship. There have been a couple of hiccups with lack of communication from him but have found if I politely distance myself he figures it out. Overall things have improved a lot. A friend gave me some graet advice. She said if you are with someone and they claim they don't know how to make effort in a certain area, but they are able to make that effort when asked at work, then they they are able to make an effort for you too.

@@elzibabmorac3553update?

Thanks so much for sharing your experience here! I’m happy to hear that. 💞

My husband also shows our dog a lot of affection but can’t with me. It’s a struggle.

I guess is that he still had to ask you out first or make the first move

@@nobodysperfect06 no i definitely made the first move

@@julieb8730 were you the one who introduced yourself to him first or asked him out first? How did you and him meet? just want to say that's awesome and very admirable because it still seems rare for a woman to initiate a relationship

So are we! Looking forward to connecting with you in the live chat on Sunday! 💕

So sorry to hear you’re going through this right now, thanks for sharing your experience here. ❤️

Sorry to hear about this I hope it gets better soon, also I have a question do any of your children show signs of ASD as well, I’m noticing children of aspies usually show traits more than not

You’re welcome, Lysa! I’m glad it helped. 💗

You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it. 💗

XDDD

I have asspergers and thsi funny loll

Thanks for sharing, Mena! 💜

It’s never too late, in my opinion!

@Osirus Homunculi XIII join? Or have a joint? Im cool with either one

It’s absolutely possible! We’d love to hear how this goes for you.

I’d try experimenting with this and see what works best for you. I believe the right woman is going to love you for who you are and appreciate the transparency and openness, so I’d see what happens when you’re upfront about it. I’d love to hear how this goes for you!

Thanks for sharing your experience here, Karla. 💜

Update?

Thank you!

Thank you!

I'm so glad this gave you hope!

@@Siquomb1 yayy

Thank you! The reason is probably different for everyone, but I’d say it often has to do with enjoying the affection and closeness with the person you love.

Hope it helps! 💕

Told him ❤

Talk to him about it

@@gbd-oq1rzit won’t do any good, she needs to leave.

Thanks for sharing Jennifer, I’m happy to hear that! 💕

You are very fortunate indeed. Hopefully that translates to many many happy years of marriage.

How did you and him first meet each other?

Communication issues like monologuing, repeating words he has heard, like to talk about the same thing. Also issue with routine, special interests and sensory stuff.

Hi Julia, this video might be helpful for your situation: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Z-7RYANPy70.html

@@HelenaHartCoaching Thank you, Helen! That video is great advice. I’ll try that. ;) Wish me luck! ;)

Personally I over text and over share. Books worth of texts and articles a day

Just curious Julia, are you still with this man? I broke up with my guy two days ago. I felt like I was losing myself mentally. We’ve had a long distance relationship for 2 yrs. I xeroxed just texting style; not hearing from him for many hrs after I text him. He’s very brief & vague. Felt like I was with a cold robot much of the time. He never told me he had it, but I know he does. Many good qualities but I can’t go forward with him. He’d drive me to drink or worse.

@@Beau7251-k9n Hi Sweet! Lol.. so, no.. I am not. It’s a crazy story too. Bottom line is his cagey behavior was indeed a bad sign for the relationship. Now I date people who treat me as I want to be treated. Fingers crossed! I hope you find the relationship you deserve. 🌸💕

You're welcome, Elizabeth!

Happy to help you!

You’re welcome! ❤️

Awesome, we’d love to hear how the date goes! At the end of a first date a hug is definitely appropriate if you had a good time and felt like you were connecting.

I’m beginning to think that the person I am speaking to is a catfish. It seems like everyone I talk to online is either hired by the site to get people to pay to be able to message others, or they are just catfishing so that they feel better about themselves rather than trying to get a partner.

I hope you’re okay, I’m praying for you because I do care about your feelings and you🌺💐🌹🥀🌼🌻🌹🌷🌸🌺

@@purplegrace9460 I don't matter and you honestly don't care noone cares all everyone ever is is heartless to me

Love is not real all ppl do is hate

You're welcome!

Thanks for sharing your experience here! 💞

@@HelenaHartCoaching I think I also tend to be in a relationship with autistic men because I cannot deal with emotional men.

Thanks for sharing your insights here, Oliver!

Dee D I’m so happy you asked this! The chat ended just as I was answering. Imho no it does not. Yet Asperger men can appear helpless in some aspects to which masculine energy women may step in and the man, be it Aspergers or ANY not in his masculine energy will gladly let a woman “do it for him” but as Helena and I discuss in other videos and in “Dating Unzipped” program a man will tire of the woman being in control, lose attraction or you’ll get fed up him. 😂 I hope this helps. Here’s the link to the program: www.everheartcoaching.com/Unzipped

Nothing to do with masculinity. Alphas and betas are alphas and betas. Aspergers doesn't affect either.

@Lord Lucan, I don't think there's any evidence to suggest AS has any bearing on alpha vs beta. We could use anecdotal evidence till the cows come home.

I disagree with the alpha and beta comments. Both females and males tend to go toward the androgynous (middle), and oftentimes there is an overlap Oftentimes it is magnified as a coping mechanism to overwhelm and defense mode. There is a higher than average number of bisexual and homosexual aspies, at least on the websites I participate in. There is also a tenfold higher suicide rate. I am a single Aspie mother of a 20 year old Aspie son. He is very gentle and has some feminine traits while being straight as an arrow. I suspect it is because he is so attuned to the energies (rather than physical cues) and can see through phonies a football field away. He isn't athletic because of his low vagus nerve tone. This means he has a slightly awkward gait, doesn't use mainstream locomotion, has poor motor memory and has other issues (super-loose joints) which prevent him from developing into a typical competitive, athletic male. He has amazing insight to people and hates small talk. He prefers to go deep and doesn't want to talk unless there is a substantive interchange -- not just to connect over something trivial. His frame is more slight than mine and I could go on. I, on the other hand, always felt pressure to learn more male things in a feeble attempt to gain the approval of my neurotypical brother and father. I can tell you most times what is wrong with a car just by the sounds it makes. I knew all the rules of football before grade school. IN high school I was the only female on our soccer team and was such an aggressive, competitive downhill bump skier that by the time I was in high school I already tore the tissues in both knees. I was aggressive, competitive, and because I was hypersensitive to criticism I was incredibly boisterous and intimidating. I wore a chip on my shoulder and even men were afraid of me. I was the first female road captain of a motorcycle club in my state.... and I am disproportionately physically strong. I grew up in my head, because it took so much thought effort to analyze and navigate my world without being outed for being different. Going undetected (to prevent scrutiny and bullying) is a full time job in its own. At 50, the prospect of living through my heart is terrifying, Yet something I must learn to do if I don't want to be alone forever.

@@elizabethfree5294 Hi Elizabeth, you comment here was very interesting to me. I fell in love with an aspie male like 5 years ago. Since the first time I saw him I sensed he was different and that attracted me. It was just few months after that he confessed to me that he was Asperger's, it didn't surprised me but I did more research on that. But when he met my parents they told me he look a bit gay. Because he moves different to other men. This has been my insecurity, but I felt that if I asked him he would tell me the truth, he always says he's not gay or bi. Still I feel insecure when I observe how he moves. Is just the way he moves, because nothing else gives me the signal. I also read somewhere that as aspies are not constrained by social norms there are more gay and bi in this group. He was also very slim, now he's stronger and bigger, but the movement still gives me anxiety. Any comment on this? Or any advise? Thank you very much.

Thanks for sharing, Diego!

many thanks to you! this is gold for me ... ✌️😊

You’re very welcome, I’m glad it was helpful!

Thanks for sharing your insights here! 💞

Thanks for sharing!

Thanks so much for sharing your experience here, Mollie! ❤️

Me too. I love him so much but we broke up and it hurts so much

Thanks Karina! ❤️ I’m going to publish a new video I recorded with Adrienne next week, and here’s our latest one if you’d like to check it out in the meantime: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-KUju90qv2Eo.html

Thanks for watching, I hope this was helpful!

I’m happy to hear that! 💗

@@HelenaHartCoaching me too. As an Autistic man (I have Aspergers), I thought I'd never be able to find someone.

Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective here!