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Thank you for the great video ❤I have this issue with my ill father😢 how can I get away from him? He had a stroke few years ago, didn’t finish his treatment for a girl my age! Doesn’t get along with any of his caretakers so they leave him… my husband and I need to immigrate to start a new life and do my PhD that I always wanted…. I can’t stand the thought of walking away from my dreams and ambitions and stay in this abusive relationship. He has nobody left in his life but me..
He faked very good for the whole 1st year! Then he let his mask slip little by little every year, until we lost our jobs, our apartment, my car and everything else! I have somehow managed to get 2 jobs back but am having to rely on his car and stay with his equally narcissistic mom! Now everything you said is happening and they team up to make sure I can't save $1 to fix my car or get 1! Now what?!
@@clydeperry9116 Hey, Clyde! Lots of men have taken my program with tremendous success. You can learn more here: www.tamiemcoaching.com/the-freedom-class-self-paced
What's crazy is that they don't seem to realize that their insults, smear tactics, and cruelty only further alienate them from you, and further decrease any chances of reconciliation. They sabotage and destroy themselves because they are so impulsive and reckless with their words and actions.
Yes it is indeed! I've been thinking this too. Like how are there thousands of other people going through the EXACT same thing even though each situation is different. Just wow
the only regret i have was not to be strong enough to walk away early and never ever look back. Most of the trauma came by breaking no contact and looking back. Protect your energy, life is short.
When you said, "The reality is narcissists don't tend to go after riff raff...you can be sure that if you've been pursued by a destructive narcissist for more than a mere one-night stand, it's because you bring a lot of good stuff to the table of the relationship...you're someone who makes them look good by osmosis....." YOU MADE MY DAY. I needed to hear that. THANK YOU.
My wife has made me feel like such a loser for so long, it’s actually good to hear that. Because I know way deep, it’s true. It’s just nice to hear someone else acknowledge it…. Even if it is just a random person on the Internet.
I made the mistake of going back multiple times and have only regrets to show for it. But they were my parents and my siblings were young and didn't know better when they told me that I should try to make the relationship work and I didn't know what I was dealing with. I finally cut all ties all-together and I'm finally feeling better.
Blocked her and deleted her number. I will not do that ever again. She tried to get back in and I didn't let her. Don't do it guys. Let them go and don't look back. There's really nice, kind and actual loving women out there.
Once i broke the 5 week n.c. things got even worse. She filed then dropped false assault & battery charges on me. How does someone say they love you and not only lie to you but file false charges? Im trying to move on but certain thoughts of her trigger me to miss her. I miss her just not the abuse.
@@BillyLintzenich-wf7sksame thing happened to me when I caught my female covert NPD cheating on me with a trusted “friend”. She filed a restraining order which was false and dismissed after a 55 day no contact order. Was ridiculous to watch her lie in court about not having a monogamous relationship which I was told we were in. Made a fool of herself interrupting me in a court of law about saying I allowed a cheating relationship. Judges saw right through it. Smear campaign did not work!
YEP SICK & SLICK HABITS WILL APPEAR AGAIN! THEY CANNOT OWN, OR TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ANYTHING THEY DO& WHEN U CALL THEM ON THEIR SH$T THEY EITHER GET ANGRY OR MAKE EXCUSES & WHEN U DON'T GIVE IN TO THEIR LIL PITY PARTIES THAT U KNOW THEY WILL TRY TO USE & TELL THEM IT'S NOT GONNA WORK BECAUSE UR NOT GONNA CODDLE THEM😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣THAT'S THE BEST PART BECAUSE NOW I JUST LAUGH🤣🤣🤣WHILE THEY GET MAD, & I DON'T GET MAD ANYMORE, ME LAUGHING & TELLING THEM THESE EXACT WORDS PISSES HER OFF EVEN MORE🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂!!
Yes, last night 🌙 I broke it off with a younger type👧🏾 narcissist🙄🤦🏽♂️(It's whole family is a bunch of narcissists too🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️👎🏽😳🙄). IF I take it back.... yes it cracking my windshield with my cell phone will be the least of my problems.😅😂 No,no, no!😇😎✌🏽
Every single time. But he did have a time line of two weeks love bombing. This last time was manipulation and gas lighting 100%. It was like a replay with the same characters only this time he had made his way into another group of friends and now there are more places I can’t play music. It is harder to let go this time as I have to go deep and seeing him get worse his just mind blowing.
@Pray ForMeMy mom would call it being ungrateful . Even though my sisters got paid out crimes compensation money by the government for the neglect & abuse that she inflicted on them as children.
@@indoornepenthes7809 It's only human to sort of inadvertently enjoy seeing the steam of frustration coming out of their ears when they can't push your buttons like they used to. As the McDonald's tagline goes, "I'M LOVING IT" when I am witnessing their attempt to hurt me end up blowing up in their face
That's how I like it too. They always expose something that they are doing that is a little law bending. I use that against them every time. It gets them right on their heels. Of course this is if they snowed me and I didn't catch it right off the bat. The most recent one (,tonight) invited me to his home and tells me that he wants to twist and bite me I am like no so I try to make him agree to not do that. Of course he can't agree to that bc that would mean that I had the power. I recognized this right away. So eventually he said he had to work anyway that he was just going to shower and go to bed so I say have a nice night ........ I am not going to buy thru it all. Anyway I finally told him to lose my number. I just got out of a 2 year relationship with one and it's really not done yet. I am waiting for what is next but I keep threatening him with the fact that he carries a concealed weapon without a permit. It's got him a bit scared I think, but I don't know. I hope I'm prepared for whatever he does next. You know I'm worried I'm I'm scared too. To be honest. I don't know what this guy's capable of. You know. I'm about to get a restraining order ugh I really don't know what to do with this one.
I take it one step further I have learned to nullify them and sometimes even play them. I made a narc cry once by playing a dirty move on them they love to use. One of my proudest moments
Blocked the narcissistic friend on all social media AND her cohorts, too. Removed and blocked all of their phone numbers. Told her several years ago (she was 'fishing') that when I walk away, I don't come back. And I didn't.
Embarrassingly enough, I’ve had the narcissist value, devalue, discard and come back 3-4 times. This makes me feel sad that there are people out there that take advantage of someone’s love for them. Today I made the decision to cut this person off completely (no contact) and I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow. Thank you for the video and information. ❤
I’m embarrassed/mad at myself I gave a narcissist “friend” another chance too. But we gotta forgive ourselves and learn, we know not to give second chances anymore when we see red flags.
You should not feel embarrassed. That just shows how great you are and anyone who abused that deserves you not. Giving so many chances and not getting results should actually strengthen you to know you have done all you could. Move ON ♥
I allowed this to happen 4 times. The fifth time I did not allow the come back phase. Wrapping up the divorce in the next couple of months. She has been brutal through it all. Lying and demonizing me as a husband and father. Most of her family hate me now and have also spread the same lies. She has tried her best to take my kids and as much of our assets and retirement as possible. But I’m happy and free now. The control monster has no more hold on my life. The courts will dictate when I see my kids and I get to parent as I see fit. She has no more control here. While I can’t go no contact, I do ignore. Unless it has to do with the kids, I do not respond. I also do not engage when we exchange the children. A 15 year marriage with at least 10 years of abuse before I realized what I was in. I wish everyone the best out there. Saving a marriage is not as important as your mental wellbeing. Don’t let religion or some sense of “integrity” keep you in an abusive relationship.
Happened to me. Actually I think they don’t even know if they are doing this. They insult you and they don’t even feel bad. A heartless person only could do it. So I think they don’t even know what they do
Love this. As an empath, I attract narcissists and psychopaths, unfortunately. Due to my strange encounters with ppl, who some become stalkers or obsessed, I have a hard time trusting anyone anymore. I am learning what to look for, but it is difficult for me because I tend to trust initially until they break my trust. Sometimes that is too late.
I feel you. I've been harmed by a few narcissists and currently going through the discard phase of a 6 month relationship that I thought was "the one." Due to past experience, I actually identified early on that he is a narcissist but I thought I could handle it. Now I'm sitting here in shock with my world turned upside down because he stopped talking to me instantly after I said no to a task he wanted me to do. I genuinely can't believe that after 6 months of being inseparable, he could do this on a whim. I'm in shock at the moment. So even knowing all along that he was a narcissist didn't help me at all in the end.
OMG. You & I have the same crystal vase & stones, history. I almost stayed in a good recovery spot for 10 years. 30 yrs. Later, I am now completely beat down.
Narcissists are always acting. There's something about they're logic that makes their reality blurred and threatening to them. These people can turn on you in an instant. A complete dual, or more personality's. Always a great education Tamie ♥️
They should teach this in school…. I felt like I was such a bad , ugly person that didn’t deserve love. I am a kind giving person and I felt like I was turning into some monster. Reactive abuse day in and day out… I still can’t believe the pain someone could cause someone they married and had children with.
Strong-minded people like myself are unaffected by a narcissist my suggestion is Know Who You Are and don't let anybody change it stand on your own truth
These people have traded their soul for Narcissism and are now dead inside..And what they hate about you is that you have a healthy soul and they are very jealous of that and they very much WANT IT! And are trying to steal yours. This is why they get angry when you fight them on their Narcissism because THEY WANT A SOUL! Every Time they get supply from you they take a piece of your soul and it feels soooooo good to them They want to take your soul and give you theirs..A soul exchange,. their dead soul for your healthy soul. Every time they get supply from you, there is an exchange, they feel good and you feel bad. This is why after a while you start feeling dead inside yourself.. This is why victims says they are evil. because they feel this..
My girlfriend told me over and over “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me”. She cheated and told me a long line of lies. I trusted 100% of her words. When I found out about it and confronted her, she acted as if I was an enemy stranger. I gave her all my love.
I have been divorced for 6 years (after 26 years of marriage and 3 children) from a covert narcissist. She had multiple extramarital affairs (some with other married men and Ashley Madison website hookups) during and after our marriage. She created a huge amount of drama/trauma/chaos (and tons of financial damage) within our family. All of her live-in boyfriends eventually run away when her narcissism emerges. Our youngest child is a senior in high school, and he is about to graduate and head off to an out-of-state university. Over the past few months, my ex-wife has really come on strong trying to “Hoover” me back into her evil and twisted world. This video came out at such an opportune time. I am definitely not caving in to her Hoover-ing schemes and deceptions. I am smart, perceptive, and strong… and I am also an empath. I have set firm boundaries and live in a world of joy, peace, fulfillment, and being content. Tamie…. thank so so much for your kindness, wisdom, concern, and insight!!! You are truly a hero to thousands of people who have suffered tremendously at the hands of wicked narcissists.
Wow. Same, but HE. 3 Kids, I put all myself aside for 26 yrs also. Cheating- I stopped even looking or stressing. ❤ I hope this finds you well friend. 🫶🏻
Talking with narcist is like staing in trenches and watching where from the bullets are flying . They flood us with their fantaastic imagined unusual personalities and expect for it in every moment great appreciation or claping hands . . Thay would not let us to break it - they jump from case to another case If we do not want to be quickly shot and dead Its emotionaly very exhausting to follow that track qand we will not be given chance to say anything But if we were able to understand his/her VERY weak life situation we may take control in conversation by iniciating our themes which are for them uncomfortable . Example they cannot make anything creative in art or by hand, that they cannot care for appliances, they wear evertything quick and buy new and expensive -they just cannot take care for anything which requires manual skills or knowledge - it is so usually . We may show how we managed to bring stuff to good condition at home or show any art, present any our personal succes - do not let them not to listen - they will pretend it . They cannot bear not be first star then (in my cas) they suddenly get up - even not saying a word and they march in door direction Without explanation. At last in hall that would explain that they need to leave because thay say they nedd to sleep early and it's time already. In telephone talk they would throw phone and break connection - also good for me. All is good which helps to shorten communication
Wow....I am going through the exact thing....wife left for "find myself time" after 3 weeks she is seeing someone I suspect she was already seeing. I have 2 kids at home. I will try and stay strong,but I have to admit it does hurt.
She taught me everything I needed to learn about narcissists! I really had limited knowledge of narcissists prior to this relationship but every video, post, blog perfectly describes all of her behaviour!
So accurate, Tamie. I am a successful 54 yr. young woman, mother of 4, married second time for 15 yrs. to a narcissist. He can be sooo sweet and loving and on a dime turn nasty, say very hurtful things, ignore my mere presence, demean my profession and, at times, rudely just not even acknowledge my presence - unless he wants to discuss smthng. or he is wanting ‘relations’ . He is highly critical and controlling over the most inconsequential things, i.e, re-arrange dishwasher after I’ve loaded the list goes on and on. I do not want to live the rest of my life being treated this way, I am a fun loving Aquarian a d am just so hurt and tired and dont know how to break this cycle. I feel he will never change. Thanks Tamie ❤
You're welcome, Julie. You're a good candidate for my program. You can learn more here if you're interested: www.tamiemcoaching.com/the-freedom-class-self-paced
Omg! I know what you are going through. It’s heart breaking. Literally. I’d take up her advise on getting help. He won’t change and I know how depressing that is. I know you love him cuz I’ve been there. Broke it off with mine and it does feel like a death cuz I truly didn’t want cuz I always think about those wonderful love bomb times. But then reminded of the hell cuz I was in it for 11 years and it was a damn rollercoaster
Sweet Lord we are living the same life!!!!! 13 yrs for me. Praying for you sweet lady. My plan is to leave...asap. I've started to enjoy the time alone as he goes about his life... Here's to better days for both of us!!!
@@leslievanskyock930 yeah. Mine would work 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off(oil field) and I started to love it when he was gone. The house finally felt like mine during those 2 weeks
When they realize they’ve lost. They just hoover you more to hurt you again. In their minds ONLY they can do the hurting. They absolutely hate losing. They’re like children who throws tantrums when their plans don’t work out. 😂 They’re petty af. They never let anything go
So true!! It’s about control and the need to win and feel like they’re desired by other people. If they feel like you’re slighting them, they’ll come on very strong, but it’s not to do good by you. It’s only to win and feel powerful. I really can’t believe I have a 7 year old with someone like this and I went back and forth for almost 13 years. I always thought something was off, but he was good at manipulating me and having me think I was the issue all the time. I thought he was my person, but he has been very deceitful and doing the same thing to a bunch of other Women. It’s sickening now. My love and compassion for him no longer exists. I see him for who he really is, not this nice guy image he’s portraying once again. He’s just a waste of time, but a tough lesson I needed. 🤷♀️
My sister is a full on narcissist. My parents have enabled her behavior throughout the years and then I became the bad guy once I was old enough to speak up. I cut my whole family off a week ago because I finally drew the line in the sand. My sister tried to physically attack me 5 different times during an argument. Instead of my parents stepping in, my father chose to scream at me along with my sister. I’m in my first trimester and was so enraged that I grabbed my keys and left. I’ve blocked them all and felt a sense of peace. No one agrees with cutting off my mom. I tried to explain to my mom how I was feeling (before I decided to cut them off) but she blamed me for having a “sharp tongue.” Everyone around me doesn’t agree with cutting my mother off but I don’t care. I’ve had enough with all of them and for my safety, I chose me.
You did the right thing, perhaps come to terms with the fact that not only your sister is a narcissist, it’s often hereditary, your parents could just as well have NPD traits. Don’t be bullied into denying your reality.
I have the same situation but it’s my brother and I had to make the decision to go no contact with him this past Tuesday… My mother was the enabler of his behavior and when she passed in 2020 I thought it would trigger him to stop because she is no longer here to fuel things but even her death didn’t stop it… I became the villain because I decided to speak up and tell the truth and me also being the youngest sibling makes him more mad that I dare have the courage to say anything… At this point I do not care anymore and look forward to not have any of his foolishness in my life anymore
I have a sister I suspect is a narcissist, but definitely confirmed she lacks empathy. I only see her when I have to, I avoid talking on the phone with her, and keep it to texting as required. When I’m having to be around her, I guard my buttons from being pushed. She’s definitely a trigger for me, but I don’t react to her accusations and insults. I guess she’s mostly dead to me, and I just don’t care anymore. But it did prior get in my head and cause inner annoying repetitious monologue.
You know what you are experiencing isn't quite right, but just can't put your finger on it. Once you figure it out and the repetition of the abuse, there is no going back. Run!!! Cut off all flying monkeys of the abuser and live a peaceful life! We all deserve it! ❤
The only escape is no contact. I’m staying away. I constantly have to remind myself I’ve left a family of origin that are Malevolent, narcissistic , gaslighting psychopaths. Go back to what ?! Nothing but death by a thousand cuts. No thanks.
I'm a super empath. I went no contact with my narc. They tried calling and I blocked their numbers. They had their own children reach out to me. Then they eventually showed up uninvited and unannounced at my home. Thankfully I wasn't home. Go no contact, you will never regret it. For the difficult people that I still have to deal with I go "Grey Rock". Tamie M thanks for all your pearls of wisdom. I've learned a lot about myself and how to deal with these monsters. I would love to know what makes these people the way they are? inherited or environmental.
Read the book Without Conscience by Dr. Rober Hare. It's a short read, less than 200 pages and well worth the read. It's the best answer you will ever get to this question. It's also available on audible. 😉
Well said, Tamie. These creatures are everywhere, and learning their games is incredibly helpful to avoid pitfalls. The final stage is detachment, and not requiring the validation of others to feel content. I believe that also goes hand in hand with being a real adult, which is doing what's right regardless of outside pressure. Thank you for the continued inspiration.
I've never seen anything like this before! I'm an RN and we never received any information about Narcissistic Abuse in our courses in college. Thanks for your help! ❤❤❤😊
WORD! 🎯❗️ …and doctors too! ❗️One decent physician actually told the truth about it…”We think we’re gods.” 😂 She also said, “I’m a recovering physician.” It was so refreshing to hear her say/admit that. They were (sadly) taught that they must ALWAYS act like they know what’s best for their patients (even though WE know our bodies better than anyone else EVER could…since we’re the ones living in them 24/7/365)
I’m an empath. And the most recent narcissist I dealt with was feeling cold and empty to me. He didn’t stop talking. Nonstop talking is a way to distract you and keep you from asking them questions about themselves. Don’t be afraid to interrupt them. It brings out the true person. I was asking specifically WHY he was interested in me. I asked in a candid manner. He said he saw pieces of information about me and this information gave him the idea that he is attracted to me. I’m 43 and have a BA in Art History- and I took psychology and sociology. I am good at critical thinking now. But if I had been 22, I’d have fell for it.
Rambling little chatter boxes and that is a way to triangulate you! they try to keep you hooked into the narrative so you dissociate, or "get under the spell".
They don’t feel loss for anyone for long. They replace you immediately to get their supply . They will go through numerous individuals to feed their ego until they can love bond repeatedly, then in toxic abuse , then devalued, discarded . The pattern is destructive for the empath . Yes, they don’t care about us.
I stuck it out with my narcissist sister because "we're family" and "blood is thicker than water". I knew she was a narcissist in my 30s and did grey rock, limiting contact, and watching what info I gave to the flying monkeys. Then my sister got injured on the job and could no longer work. Of course she started contacting me every week by phone, sent letters and emails all the time. I set up boundaries and she played the victim, saying I was trying to control her. Talk about projection! I went no contact with her and the flying monkeys, which happened to be all my siblings. She has tried to hoover me in, but after the nasty smear campaign she did, she can rot in the underworld. I want nothing to do with her ever again.
But now you have to make up for it right ? Don’t look back God didn’t Make our face behind us he made our face in front of us so we can look forward good luck 🌻🌻🌻
This video was a rollercoaster. I come from a family of narcissists, so it's only natural I picked up on some of the traits. I work hard to identify these and squash them but inevitably sometimes they come up. Our environment has a strong effect on our behavior, and the narcissist's will use this during the discard phase to make it seem like your the "bad one". One slip up and they'll pounce like a cat. For someone who is genuinely empathetic, that one slip up sticks to the mind like honey. It eats away at you. "Am I the narcissist?". That's how they get you.
So true, any little slip up my ex would pound me so bad and eat me alive verbally and would blame me for why I’m hurting play victim and dismiss my feelings. It’s so sad that people mistreat genuine people and expect for you to kiss the ground they walk on. Any little wrong I do I’m a bad person it’s like I had to be perfect
Narcissists always know they have lost. They will never admit it, but will spend the rest of their lives trying to prove themselves right. Damaged children.
Oh yes definitely experienced this over and over again with my mom growing up until I was 40. Oh and definitely experienced the flying monkeys from my mom's and dad's side. Was very hurtful.. Have experienced the smear campaign from family, "friends", coworkers, housemates. Been fired and kicked out of where I have lived many times from made up things people have said about me. The thing that really has been disturbing is the people not coming to me to ask me if it was true...and not able to see who I am by who I have said and shown I am. It's made me want to never work for anyone else again... unless it's an amazing experience. And I stay totally away from many people to protect myself...yes from revenge or vindictiveness. It's no joke. They will seriously throw you under the bus without care about your life what so ever. I know because I experienced it many times. I am so glad to be far away from all the bullshit
Absolutely. I dated a former major who now is the magistrate (Judge) on base. He walks around letting people know he just walked in. His presence is known. If I never met the mistress, who shared what a narcissist is, I might have still been with him. The MISTRESS, shared with me all what she experienced. She was actually so sweet. But she had been with him for so many years off and on, because she was already going through those cycles.
Anyone he knows I don't like anyway.... smear away! Lol... I'm happier not being around him and all of his toxic friends. Life is so much lighter and more peaceful.
I don’t like any of his family or friends either ( they are all back stabbers ) so I told him before I left tell anyone anything you like about me because I don’t care about their opinions !
@@collykarma8743 It really is much better that way that you don't care! I felt the same way. Never respected any of those birds...they can smear away but I feel like when you remove yourself completely, they eventually see what's up... Not that we care! LOL
It’s the best explanation of Narcissistic harassment abuse and how to address this issue I have heard thus far. A coworker who I’ve attempted to have No contact with on many occasions did just as you said. She began spreading rumors about me, poisoned people minds against and luckily a coworker told me , when I confronted her she said I don’t want to talk about it. I try very hard to avoid her, but she keeps finding ways to figure out what’s going on in my life . I’m really scared of what she capable of doing and needs to be far away from her.
I know I’ve been dating/living with a narcissist for almost 6 years now. And even after being sexually violated, cheated on, lied to, maneuvered into isolation from people who truly support me I’m still finding it hard to accept that it’s time to move on. I have stood up to them many a time; even made mention of how there’s patterns in their behavior. And it’s true. They adjust for a short time period to your needs and then continue the cycle when your guard is down. I know I deserve better and I know I’m going to leave them. I just can’t help but feel like I’m abandoning family because I really wanted them to be. This is the hardest decision I’ve made in my life and I’m really scared to make this change. But I’m more scared of never being who I am again. Thank you for all of your content. It’s giving me more piece of mind with each watch.
Please, RUN! You are stronger than you think! I stayed for the sake of our baby son, and looking back, I was suffering from pregnancy. My first and only pregnancy should have been the best and precious time of my life, was filled with pain, resentment and lack of an emotional connection. He never showed up for any important moment in me or my son's life, even up to now. The breaking point was when as a father, his selfishness endangered the life of my 1 year old, and is still unapologetic. In fact, he is determined to continue his actions because he is only seeking to satisfy his own needs, disregarding that it actually affects the life of his son! That for me, was the best and worst eye opener! You simply have to get sick and tired, of being sick and tired, and value yourself, and in my case, my son more than I value keeping the connection in order to coparent. If it's not helpful or healthy, RUN!!
I am in the midst of a divorce from a Covert Narcissist. I very much appreciate videos such as this because they keep me grounded by reminding me of the dynamics I am facing or will likely face as I move through the divorce. It sucks, but being prepared for the worse is a pragmatic reality.
Yes, they'll make the divorce as difficult as possible. Just stand firm, be careful and make sure you get any and everything you deserve from the divorce. Mine tried to cheat me out of my benefits, but I did my homework. Once everything was final, no contact for going on three years now. I ignore any communication from him, radio silence, forever! He's never getting anywhere near me again. You can do it! Just don't let him back in under any circumstances. Praying and trusting in God helps me also. I hope the best for you. ❤
So spot in! And yep every cycle relapse my life and health got worse. Finally broke Narc cycle of all of them. Ground zero is better than being six feet under where I was held done. Thank you
I have watched a lot of videos about narcissism. This by far is the most straight cut, dead on one I’ve seen. 100% accurate. I waited until my kids were in their teens before I tried to leave. This was back in the early 2000’s before I’d ever heard about what a narcissist was. The first time I left, I let him know exactly what he was. He went to my family, my neighbors and friends and did a full blown smear campaign. Since it was my own personal nightmare, and no one knew the abuse I had endured, everyone was so confused and went to his side. I came back after he went after my kids. They (in my opinion) were too young to protect themselves. I went back for two more years until my kids got a bit older. This time when I left, I made it all about me. I told him he deserved someone more like him, and “it’s me, not you.” It wasn’t easy, but it made it easier to get out. We’ll just “be friends” tactic. Once I was out, I went no contact, became healthy and strong, and all of his tactics didn’t matter to me after that. We’ve now been divorced 18 years and he still, a couple times a year, will leave photos of the kids in my mailbox, or honk as he drives by. It will never end, but I’m free!!!
Thank you 🙏 I just recently turned into a supernova empath and I realized I been surrounded by narcissists my whole life 😢 but with this knowledge I finally have control of my feelings and life 😊 thank you for your videos ❤
Yeah its a tough realization Jasmine. Having to set these new found boundaries are difficult but they have to be done for our well being. God bless you on your path to heal and empower yourself.
It's an experience that i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy..and if you thought narcism was the epitome of evil then youve never had the misfortune of being the child of a narcissist where there is literally NO ESCAPE because they have used "being a mother" as justification for all the hell they've inflicted upon you and they smear your name to your own family who BELIEVE THEM AND TAKE THEIR SIDE, im surprised i havent killed myself but luckily i have a job and a plan to leave and never look back.
I can't believe you just described my relationship so accurately! I've gone through this cycle more times than I care to admit. I'm literally sick from it. Devastated. Nobody believes me either. She's convinced the world that I'm an awful person.
Walk away. I'll give you a good reason. Have you considered how much time you spend on pretalk trying to preempt what they gone say and how you will convince them otherwise.
She in my case, trying to undermined me, I tell the truth about her and frankly I do not care what they are saying, I am taking her to court for 35000$ I am not afraid of the truth
Only 5 minutes into the video, and I'm relieved, my feelings have been valid the whole time... I was thankfully strong enough at the time that I didn't give him another chance. But he had been so manipulative and so purely evil that when he started to behave exactly like what I had been asking for the last entire year, it just made me angry. Like "oh so now you can make an effort, because I'm doing my own thing. You're just full of jealousy." I cut him out of my life and he started making up stories about me to people, it was intense.
He finally left and I filed for separation. The very day he left his aunt called me. She never calls me so I knew flying monkey phase began. I didn't answer the phone. From watching all these great videos I knew what to expect.
I saw all this while I was in the relationship, luckily I had enough self awareness to not believe or let what she said become my reality. To all my brothers and sisters always work on yourself so much that you know your strengths and weaknesses so well that no one can manipulate you no matter what even if you are with a narcissist, they will test you but never actually get through if you are self aware enough and no matter what don't ever lose your gratitude and self esteem no matter how much you give yourself to someone like this, remember who you were and still are with authenticity and live on you have so much more to do and way much more love to give to someone appropriate and receive it!
Watching for a second time today. I’ve drawn the line in the sand with a couple of narcissists in my my smallish dental office with the predictable insults and abuse. The healthier I get, the more explosive they get. I’m in the middle of the smear campaign. I’ve got an excellent exit strategy though! There’s fortunately plenty of work for dental hygienists and I don’t need these sickos. Putting in my 2 weeks tomorrow.
I hope you’re ok. I deal with narcissists at every single job I work at. It’s so excruciating. No job is worth the abuse. From anyone. Narc or not. Hope you feel better soon x❤️🩹
The best thing is to get out, ignore them and possibly move far away. And learn to recognize those sick people. I've dealt with one, never again. I don't care if "They can't help it". I have no sympathy anymore. I've watched people who can't bring themselves to leave for years and years putting up with torture.
I've seen 7 Narcissists come crashing down in my place of work. She is right all you have to do is get ahead of them. Be early, and on point. If you're only lazy, you will fail.
My mom is a narcissist and so I was always being blamed for everything. There is so much damage in my childhood and this childhood friend of mine knows all about it because we grew up together and she never wanted to be at my house because my family is so toxic. So she knows all about my past. I never knew about narcissism until a few years ago when she talked about it. Anyway, the past few years she has been the only one allowed to decide what our conversations consisted of and how long we talked about them. She also decided when something was true or not. If it wasn’t true then she put a complete stop to the conversation. She did this all the time. All the boundaries I put up she challenged them and forced me to bring them down. When she realized that I wasn’t putting my boundaries down she couldn’t handle it. She yelled at me to shut up and told me that I am so beyond cruel. I said I’m trying to tell you how I feel she kept talking over me crying about how cruel I am and as usual would not let me speak. Then she told me never to call her again and hung up on me. The very next day I changed my number. I cannot tell you how amazing I feel. I am very proud of myself. I also want to add that I kicked my family out of my life 11 years ago but she was the last narcissist I had in my life and I couldn’t be happier.
Recently just experienced this with a narcissist she didn’t ever want to admit she was wrong until I told her I was leaving or I wanted to leave her alone . She would try and apologize only because she wanted me to keep her around . She didn’t really heal nor learn from what I said she just tried to mask the problem with her fake empathy .
You really are well versed on this subject matter. I mean, you have this down to textbook science. Everything you mentioned is EXACTLY what I went through with my soon to be ex-wife. The smear campaign. The villainization. The revenge. The naïve flying monkeys offering unsolicited advice with extremely narrow information. It's like they all are following a script! I am resolute in my healing process, and the friends that she couldn't fool stick by me to this day. The ones who take her side with half of a twisted story only proved to me that they never knew me and weren't really my friends. I thank you Tamie. You have helped me to navigate this nightmare of a storm. I will soon be free to live my best life once my divorce is finalized. 🙏
The strawmen... all those minions utter cookie-cut strawmen that just listening to them is a blatant insult, they can talk with such conviction about things he didn't.
I have everything on my own, house, financial stability, shit together, and the narcissist I was with had two teenagers, huge mortgage, vindictive ex (baby daddy) and a stressful career. I was simply her lackey and whipping post. I'm so done, and now rediscovering myself, eliminating the delusional narc I was holding on a pedestal. I can see through her mask. Now I am free of the toxic abuse cycle! When I left, I ditched a mental case playing mind games daily. No more devaluation for my soul!!!!!
The narcissist I dated said he could “call” for whatever or whoever he wanted and it would come to him. I asked why he didn’t “call” for some money cause he was flat broke. I had to prove to him he didn’t have the power he thought he had and couldn’t call for anything concerning me. 7 years of nc now and we have had no contact whatsoever and I never will. I had come to dislike him so much it was easy. He is dead to me.
Currently married to a narcissist like this. I’m 23 and we have 3 small babies. A divorce is right around the corner. This video described our relationship of 5 years perfectly. I’m still in the stage where I want to crawl back I was so codependent. Stay at home mom, he’s trying to take everything away from me. Pray for me. The evil that I suddenly see is truly demonic
I’m so sorry to hear this. I know what it’s like to be in your position. What I did was I pretended I was living with a mentally ill person. My therapist suggested that. I expected nothing from him and I asked for a little as possible. With no expectations and delusions about who I was married to I was able to cohabitate with my husband until I got into a position where I could leave. I even went as far as to move him out of my bedroom and move in with one of the kids. His response was that he never had so much space in his life. He didn’t even care. He was not the violent type and he was not a pathological liar. But he was definitely a narcissist, and he had no heart and no empathy, and he gave me the silent treatment all the time, it was really painful . He put the kids between us. But I had to develop a tough outer shell and try to be as self-sufficient as I could. And when my kids were finally old enough, I left him. I wish you the very best of luck. Try to be strong for your children and for yourself. You are so young and if you play your cards right and be strong, you can make your life better when your kids get a little bit older. At least you know who he is. Nobody knew what narcissists were when I was married. I had to discover it through three different therapists. ❤❤
After 12 years in an off and on very abusive relationship with a narcissist, I got away and started over completely. I've been in a new relationship for over a year now, living states away but he has relentlessly sent me messages for over a year since I cut all contact. I block and he finds new ways. It's very tiring. There is no chance in him getting his way, and this is exactly where I'm at. All I can do is ignore. He has followed me states before but this time I went off the grid. He is absolutely losing his mind!
He will eventually find a new source of supply and be distracted for a while... until, that new source of supply gets wise. Then he'll circle back or try to. Hold the line. 😉
I've experienced this cycle for 4 years now. It's finally over and I am now implementing the no contact phase. Pray for me, I will be strong. Your video enforces and encourages me! 💪❤️🙌
Hey Rey, you're not alone. Just ended 4 years of bs! Heading into 3rd week of no contact. As a recent cancer survivor it was the best decision of my life. I'm now focusing on my mental and physical health. Stay strong! We got this! 💪👍✌
@@lonewolfbynight Hello Rey, Yes sir! You're welcome! I blame myself in a lot of ways for not doing no contact 4 years ago. The energy I wasted on so called friends fell on deaf ears and has left me exhausted. Stay strong my friend. Have a great day! God bless brother!👍🙏💪
I should have found this 20 years ago. I am just in disbelief with just how accurate everything is. I ALWAYS used the excuse of 'she's mentally ill and has these ups and downs.' EVERYONE around me telling me to leave or kick her to the curb, and I making excuses about everything because brainwashed by B.S. Hard to walk away from a 21 year marriage, but when all the lies and deception spanning 20 years is out in the open, it gets easier. Never even considered destructive narcissism as being a part of every personality disorder that she was diagnosed with over the years. MASTER manipulators!!
I went no contact for 15 years and was sucked back in after 10 months I have recently disassociated again. What a ride, I had no idea what was happening. This video made so much sense of what the last 10 months were all about.
Mine is love booming like never before not knowing that I know what he is doing and never again he will be allowed back. He will never be trusted again!
Seriously. One of your best videos. Not trying to be too dramatic. But this saved my life. I have been driving myself crazy for the last 5 years dealing with someone like this. To get some peace and validation about how im feeling? Absolutely priceless. A million thank yous. I love your energy and support you give people 😌 Please continue to do so!
Thank you. I am an empath. I guess, ‘let the smear campaign begin’ as much as I cringe at the idea of a person behaving in such a manner-having a need to act in such a way. I am exhausted- their need for control, they are always right, never wrong- know everything & their lack of self control when I do not agree or say, “No” is at this point predictable & unsettling. This is round two for me w/this friend- I went no contact but hate to admit I let them back as a friend. It’s dejavu all over again. My bad. I am learning.
I had this experience just "recently". I'm now free finally, but it took almost a year to fully finish the break up. Everything you say is so true. Thanks!
I lived this for 30 years with a level 8/9 narc I believe everyone deserves a second chance..BUT not a3rd 4th or 70th chance. The pattern is for sure thing ! Very predictable and you are 110%correct on all points. Thank you for your advice and frankness. Not only is it validating for me, but it’s reality. Thank you for sharing the truth ❤
It's a beautiful thing to be free of them. Live yr ideas and yr life, fxck theirs. Yr the reason this happened, not them. Yr the special one, that's why they came for you. Keep being who you are. Let yr life be a great one. Sending all my all to everyone suffering the shock of who these idiots were. But please don't get caught up, keep living not longing. Believe in yr empathy, it will guide you to paradise.
This video is amazing. It's like she's describing what I've been through, more than once. The moment I stood up to the narcs, they started bringing in their witless flying monkeys and minions. When I didn't submit, they started the character assassination. One narc literally went to my friends' houses to tell them I was mentally ill.
Yes, I’ve had that experience. Love bombing, and afterwards, a break, and more love bombing after I could not help but break no contact. Showing up without me asking, and being attentive to my needs while love bombing over and over again until the devaluing stage. But I’m good now. I got over this individual by focusing on my own personal value. Telling myself the truth and working out and getting myself in shape!
I have had this very experience. He hoovered me back last year and brutally discarded me last month when my kids needed him the most. I now know to never fall for his lies ever again. His sister is now his flying monkey and I realize she has an agenda and I am not ever speaking to her again.
This is spot on down to the little monkeys. After a bad fight she wanted me out, and I glady left the next day. Then accused me of abandoning her, then told our friend group I did abusive things to her after we stopped talking. It was maddening and it took me years after to realize a cold cut off is the only thing that works with these thpe of people. I deleted all social media and blocked most people I knew from that group on coms.
I left the narcissist and I feel free and happy again! I would’ve died for him. I knew something was going on but he gaslit me all to hell and when I found out I wasn’t crazy with solid evidence. I stopped loving him in less than an hour.
Oh, Sister...you are REALLY good at your analysis! I am 17 months into healing, and I have grown exponentially through the excruciatingly painful process.
A lot of the things that you talk about in narcissists,I'm going through now! A very pretty woman that is a little over 20yrs younger than me,became a co-worker! She was over top friendly to me and noticed a lot things about me and used the things that I said about my life to get me addicted to her and develop a crush on her! But after a couple of weeks,she started making trouble for me at work and I wound up getting removed from her area for a long while,and that helped me break away from her! Now watching videos like this one on Narcissists,I see her for what she is!😊Thanks! Ps. She has moved on to another dude older than me,and he thinks that we are competing for her,but he doesn't realize that I don't want her! I think he is a covert narcissist himself because he will play nice for a very long time but he is searching for info to get at me,and when I refused to give him what he was looking for,he exploded and was very angry with me! I don't like fake and evil people! 👿
Should stay clear of women at your workplace anyway, all it takes to end your life is one made up allegation bc you somehow pissed her off. No private talk ever, keep it professional and never be alone with one without any witnesses around. Don't think with your D, never worth it.
What you described happened to me. I had known my ex for 20 years. Got in a relationship with him for a year. He ended up cheating on me and living with another woman while he was still dating me, and I figured it out. He pursued me for 6 months (showing up at my house, job etc) until I told him I was getting married to my child’s father. Had to file a criminal trespass warning to get him to believe me. 7 years of no contact. Then after I had divorced I ran into him at an event. All the things you said will happen, did. Apologies for the first time ever, and I thought he was crying but now that I think back there were no tears. He was great this time around. Showed up consistently when he said he would, came to holiday dinners with my family, spent important dates together (weddings of a friend, New Year’s Eve etc), then I noticed some of the same patterns from last time, and he knew I was paying very close attention to everything. I saw a random “like” on a picture that he posted on social media from the woman that he cheated on me with almost 10 years ago, so on a hunch, I drove by her house one day and he was there, and I waited outside until he came out, and he lied to me about why he was there and said he was just dropping off some paperwork. For the next week, I was very insecure about the status of our relationship and was asking him why he would even make contact with that woman, knowing that destruction that she calls to our relationship in the past, and he reassured me that there was no one else for him, but me. And I caught him there again and ended things for good this time. Same woman, same scenario, 10 years apart. Done.
I am dealing with one, just left some weeks back, not going back any more, tried leaving him twice with our only son, but returned to a worst situation but now am gone for good, he is on me right now with the above descriptions, God will help me to conquer. Great lesson thank you.
This happened to me. I let a toxic ex boyfriend back into my life after 8 yrs of no contact…I assumed he could have grown and changed in that amount of time; I had. He said all the right things and seemed much improved, like a new man actually. Unfortunately it didn’t last. He eventually became more withdrawn, coarse, and would be really mean sometimes. This story ends differently this time because, I came to my senses, blocked him, and healing is in progress. I’m trying to forgive myself for letting him back in and believing he would be different.
No need to forgive yourself you did nothing wrong You are nice to him and he take it for granted Screw him do not care Focus on yourself and become high value Your kindness is much appreciated by me
Don't blame yourself for giving someone a second chanche after all those years. Blame him for after all those years still manage to F up a chanche of actually a better life. It had it's purpose for you. Now you know for sure now that there is no might be of could haves with this person in the future. So no need to waste any thoughts on that either.
@@wer45635 I really needed this message. It means more to me than you could know. Thank you for taking the time to send it.i truly appreciate you and this timely advice.
@@miew8204 you are a blessing. Thank you for your words. They are affirming and really spoke to my heart. I appreciate you being open hearted enough to uplift a stranger. You called it because I had been feeling guilty for being so abrupt and blocking him on everything. Going forward, I’ll focus on being proud of myself for choosing me over him.
@@BlackNella No problem sweetheart. You take good care of yourself. Mr right will show up for you. Somebody who will treat you right and is deserving of your time and love. :)
I got divorced after 15 years and I saw many red flags and didn't know what I was dealing with. Now I realize that is Narc PD. I got my chance to go and I didn't look back. Now I'm just trying to help my kids see the world around them and help others by the info I have gained. My life is so much better now.
Currently dealing with this “Nice” phase after deciding to make an active effort to distance and hold my ground. I though him were jes realizing my worth and showing respect until last week the mask “slipped” as you say. I am completely taken aback by how accurately you can list what I am enduring. I have never liked the victim mentality however, I can tell when I am being “victimized” or “attacked” and it is no way to live. #jesSharring #support #notsympathy
After learning.. I stayed for the cycle to see it out of the fog.. Yup.. devalue started ... I ended it.. I'm done because I'm educated now... 25 years..
So much of what your video says and explains certainly resonates deeply with me . I’ve been dealing with a narcissist brother and sister in-law for decades now . I’m finally have had it .I’m ready to separate myself from all the abuse. I always got sucked back in from the love bombing . Each time thinking it was sincere. Thank you so much for shedding so much light and perspective on this subject matter . This is a new path and healthy journey for me .. your keen wisdom will be my guiding light and a great source of strength. 🥰❤️Thank you !
You speak nothing but truth. Put up with one for 6 years. The amount of time, energy, and money wasted makes me wanna vomit. I will never go thru this again. My peace must be protected at all cost.
Mother n law just entered into idealization phase with me yet again. This time, I'm not falling for it! And I don't care if my husband does. They are powerless to me.
I just left that narcissist for 11 years. Went through 11 years of that rollercoaster. My family disowned me pretty much cuz I kept falling for him. My ex husband is the one who took me in as I have no money and he knew what I was going through. I came in that relationship with a house and left with some boxes. I fell apart being with him and became an alcoholic. It’s a very long situation but I’m not drinking anymore and it’s way more peaceful at my ex husbands house but i feel like I went through a death cuz I know I loved him and he didn’t love me. Do you ever run into women who have been in narcissist relationships that ended up going down the road of major depression and drinking?
Needing to medicate the pain you find yourself in as a result of long-term exposure to narcissistic abuse is not at all uncommon, Amy. It's your time to take care of you now, Love!! 💕
@@tamiemjoyce okay. I just never hear this. I always beat myself up for going to drinking. I’m not at all now tho. One thing changed in my life. Him gone! Lol Thank you for responding 😊
My X-Girlfriend has a NPD. I ended our relationship on Sunday, October 22. Now she is Smearing me on her RU-vid Channel Chel’s Reel Life @chelsreellife calling me a Narcissist and toxic. Hearing this made me understand that she was trying to convince me that “I” was the Narcissist. Talking about mind manipulation.🤦♂️ Thank you for making this video. Now I know I wasn’t the crazy one…
