When CPTSD Makes You Want to FLEE RELATIONSHIPS, Try This

Подписаться 884 тыс.

Просмотров 74 тыс.

50% 1

🟢 Order My New Book and Attend a Special LIVE Workshop Sept 25: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Some people who were abused or neglected in childhood have a tendency to cling to relationships: others have the opposite problem. If you’ve ever "run away" from a good partner who loved you -- maybe you got overwhelmed and triggered by the intensity, or the fear involved in being close to somebody, -- and you slipped into avoiding behaviors like disappearing on them, giving them the silent treatment, lashing out at them so they would leave, or hurting their trust in you -- there is a way to change that pattern. In this video I talk about strategies to calm triggers before taking any impulsive action or saying damaging words that would harm a relationship you value.
***
*Letters*: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
Best Course for Beginners:
Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
How I Recently Lost 25 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Learn to Heal CPTSD-driven Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
Join LIVE Webinars with Anna Runkle: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com...
NEED BETTER SLEEP? Manta SLEEP MASK Use code CCFAIRY for 10% Off:
bit.ly/43udhog

Опубликовано:

4 окт 2024

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 460

@jenj.8999 3 года назад

You are one gifted woman Anna! This is wonderfully wise, genuine, clear... simply fantastic. Thank you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Glad it was helpful!

@Carol-ex7nr 3 года назад

Qqqqqqqqqqqqqqq

@Carol-ex7nr 3 года назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy qqqqqqq

@Carol-ex7nr 3 года назад

@epicmage82 3 года назад

I push people away before a relationship can even start. I feel like I have nothing to offer, and they figure that out and leave. I also feel incredible shame, and guilt for wanting to be loved because I would just be making someone else's life more complicated. So I cocoon myself, and go through the motions each day. It's really soul crushing.

@laurenpaterson3475 3 года назад

Look at work of Marisa peer I am Enough she says mind a computer just write I am enough I am valuable more u say it more believe it

@TheMrNocturnax 3 года назад

Same. I have borderline personality disorder and I can 100% fucking understand this that I now have tears in my ehes

@epicmage82 3 года назад

@@TheMrNocturnax Yeah, I most likely have BPD. It lines up, but can't bring myself to talk to a therapist.

@TheMrNocturnax 3 года назад

@@epicmage82 it's hard. It took me 3 yrs to check myself in and after my second attempt to take my life.... so I understand... I'm currently in dbt but even then... I still feel so damn fucming low I'm considering checking myself in as a volunteer patient at a mental hospital.

@epicmage82 3 года назад

@@TheMrNocturnax I've been thinking about that myself.

@totowashere 3 года назад

Sometimes I wonder whether my trauma was "actual" childhood trauma because it's an amulgation of lowkey emotional neglect and lack of validation, but then I see videos like these and recognise myself in everything they say and I feel so seen and at the same time called out lol.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

You are very welcome here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@HereForTheCatContent 3 года назад

Me too! I find myself thinking, “was I really emotionally abused?” or “was what I went through really bad enough to justify my emotional weaknesses?” But then all this info. on codependency and CPTSD describes so many of my feelings and life patterns so well. But it’s hard to accurately assess your formative years, and I know I can remember some bad stuff. I guess part of what we need to learn is to accept ourselves and where we are, drop the judgement and need to justify it to ourselves or anyone else, and focus on what brings healing.

@yuk498 3 года назад

There is a video by Bessel Van Der where he specifically mentions that childhood neglect is abuse and it causes trauma.

@mariesook9141 3 года назад

@@HereForTheCatContent very well said.... helpful. Thank you for commenting.

@rebeccacarraway480 3 года назад

“Childhood emotional neglect” is a thing y’all. Kids need attunement and eye contact and nurturing and attention. Not getting it is devastating. You don’t have to be slapped around to have “actual” trauma. It’s ALL trauma.

@jenniferbell4571 3 года назад

I run from everyone... and then when they give up I want to socialize with them. It’s so weird.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

We are perplexing to others and to ourselves but there really is room for growth & change :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@lowri-mairowen6893 4 месяца назад

So many disturbed emotions when presented with emotional intimacy in an available partner relationship, feel sick to the stomach, deep desire to cut and run and have anger towards the other person and take personally everything they say. It’s exhausting.

@SageLotusTarot888-TEA-V 3 года назад

I finally found a good man and I can already feel myself running and pushing him away.. Thank you so much for this.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

You got this!

@ynntari2775 3 года назад

The worst part is the feeling and the ruminating thoughts that you can never ever talk to these people again, because you did a mistake, so you just feel too ashamed to talk to them again, you feel like you don't deserve to say sorry, like you don't deserve another chance, so you just leave, forever, in shame and remorse. Turns out, at least for us, we have this because that's how we were treated by our parents. There is absolutely no second chance or second try, with anything. It's perfect flawlessly at first try or never ever allowed to try again. Which is just nonsensical, you'll never be good at something without actually learning and practicing it.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

We might have felt that was the case before but as adults today, we can give ourselves and others more chances to get it right :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@claudiarobinson587 3 года назад

I will watch tomorrow. My anxiety is awful today. I have not slept and its almost 3 pm. I want to cry and hide. I can't do either. I'm trying to calm down. I play with my bangs or rub my fingertips on my arm. All I hear is I'm not good enough and I am a failure and more. I am 50 years old and feel 12.

@liznorth4028 3 года назад

Claudia pkease try to start on the daily practice as soon as you can. It helps me SO MUCH!!!

@alohachristine 3 года назад

Dear Claudia, I am so sorry. I will pray that you may feel the comfort of God. Please know that you are beautiful and beloved. Please take the steps needed to get help and support counseling because no one deserves to hear those things. You deserve joy. Sending ❤ and prayers your way, Christine

@lorimiller4301 3 года назад

You don't have to listen to that. It's not you. Slowly take your power back. You know that those are lies, you don't have to listen. Those things that are being repeated are not true. The minute you know it's not you and you tell it to piss off you'll be surprised how fast it stops. I promise. Trust me. Laugh at it and say oh is that you again ? I'm on to you. But don't get mad, don't get frightened just tell it to buzz off and within a days it will be gone. Try it. Please. You will find relief so fast that you will be like me, telling others the truth about it. You got this!!

@georgejetson9801 3 года назад

I'm sending you gentle comforting thoughts. I'm glad you reached out on here today. xx

@emmollnova2917 3 года назад

EFT is a very helpful healing tool. Search on RU-vid for Brad Yates tapping intro and you will get some information. He has tons of great EFT videos for lots of different things. ✌️🙏

@angelaknox 3 года назад

I've never run away from a healthy partner, I've never had a healthy relationship lol. But I do worry this could happen in the future. For now I'm staying single, working on me, healing my heart, and just enjoying peace!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

I relate to that! It was a lot of work just to get to healthy partner options :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@be_conscious.be_free Год назад

I resonate with every word you said. 💙 Sending you lots of love on your healing journey.

@janethagen3385 3 года назад

I love how you validated “Neena” and cheered her on.

@liznorth4028 3 года назад

Anna is so encouraging, right!

@sonjatiffin6331 3 года назад

I've been so self-assolating for about 4 years now I don't trust anybody and don't let keep people at arm's length was going to church got hurt and I just I'm world's worst world's about walking away not telling people what's wrong not talking to people just walking away

@epicmage82 3 года назад

@@sonjatiffin6331 Yeah, the most common things I say are it's ok, I fine, and nothings wrong. Then I put on a fake smile, and try to make them laugh. It's a hard thing to get passed. I'm still trying to myself.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

@2ndChanceAtLife 3 года назад

I thought I was the only one. Freaked out when a very compatible possible life partner started getting too close. THAT was the event that sent me into the tailspin of cptsd and misdiagnosis of depression & anxiety. Wow. Just wow. And thank you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Glad you saw the video! -Cara@TeamFairy

@judipfantz247 Год назад

I do th we same. Met a new ," healthy:" patient great guy, but I got triggered and ran. I think I've been " unemotional available most my life. Working to change this.

@henryzhao4622 Год назад

So sorry to hear. Would you wish you ran into them or they reached out to you 6 months or a year later?

@henryzhao4622 Год назад

Update please!

@vedang3420 3 года назад

Mam please make video on intimacy i am afraid of getting close to people its hard to give commitment to be open and honest

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Noted :)

@victoriagrove7768 3 года назад

Her observations are better than psychologist. You must have someone you're connected to in your life at some point to overcome the unconnected feeling in your childhood.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Most of us crave some community even if we wish we didn't and even if it's scary :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@anaheredia3467 2 года назад

Social beings crave a group identity. That's why you see people rooting for their sport team and sporting team logos. And why a lot of parentheses children grow up an join gangs. Thank you Anna for sharing all your golden wisdom with us. ☮️💕

@trudibarraclough478 2 года назад

Stopping drinking completely has helped me be less socially anxious after the outing, I can trust my perception and my memory,

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

What a relief right?! -Cara@TeamFairy

@brookebenton8192 3 года назад

My cptsd sometimes makes me think bad thoughts about people that aren't true. This caused me to push them away before they could hurt/reject me. All the while clinging to and pining after very toxic people who were doing the same thing to me. Ugh the irony!

@ewelinagarncarz1857 3 года назад

PTSD is absolutely monster. You have to work on youself. It's very long journey to recovery but is possible. When you healed is possible to have healthy relationship with people.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Yes, hard but worthwhile work :)

@northofyou33 2 года назад

I wish there were CPTSD 12-step meetings. I love the 12-steps, and this would be perfect.

@carmengale3311 3 года назад

Im 50 and just noticed I have a flight fight freeze mentality when I go anywhere inside a store or building. I didnt know that was happening, i only knew I felt unhappy since childhood.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

So glad you were able to learn a bit more about the condition of CPTSD...makes us less lonely.

@lorimiller4301 3 года назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will never forget being 13/14 and coming across my first ACOA book. To see my thoughts and feelings in black and white like that was so upsetting and yet I could see that what was wrong was real and had a name and other people behaved the same way. That was freedom, a map to find my way out. It was an epiphany for me.

@anaheredia3467 2 года назад

Meditation has saved me every time. You have to allow yourself to cry to yourself and allow yourself to soothe yourself. You are enough. You are Devine. Your spiritual DNA is perfect. This is just your human experience. ♥️🌎

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Beautiful! -Cara@TeamFairy

@apriltate3955 2 года назад

I fawn when I’m triggered. I try to fix the problem and feel so overwhelmed even when it’s not my problem.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Good insight, awareness is important! If you need more help, we have it courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Cara@TeamFairy

@carmengale3311 3 года назад

I have learned to fight cptsd and not face or address it calmly. Its my internal enemy and im at war. Im now learning to recognise the triggers and fight with truth in a more peaceful way. Prayers of thankfulness helps alot, even when im starting prayer in a negative mood.

@seekerofknowledge8961 3 года назад

Try some uplifting spiritual music to lead you in more thoughtful prayer, might help your focus. Does mine when I need fixing I just ask Jesus in song. He doesn't care about the format, just the content! I come to realize that if He and I know the truth that is where peace abounds!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

I'm glad you are recognizing those triggers, it's worthwhile work :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@7_Siete 3 года назад

What a timing. Not in a relationship, but this "I want to run away" feeling triggers really intensely whenever I'm pushed to talk about my feelings to the person involved. Or I start questioning "Is this even real" when things "go too well to be true". I'm able to put the brakes and not act it out, but the disturbing emotions still come up and sometimes the fear makes me feel sick to my stomach. It's a relief to see this video to know that this is part of CPTSD and has nothing to do with who I am as a person.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

That fear is rough, it really causes havoc on our nervous system. I suggest trying this course Anna created, it has helped me immensely with CPTSD triggers courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy

@henryzhao4622 Год назад

Was there anything a partner could do if they didn’t want to give up on you

@kristinryling1879 3 года назад

I was a devout Christian in my late teens. God worked through me to lead my parents to him. I prayed with my mother, I went through trails with my father, who was testing my faith to provoke me, but I kept to love and he became a Christian. I was also having issues with frightening feelings and images during this time, that I would find years later were repressed memories of severe physical abuse as a childhood. God new I needed healing, but it scared me and I ran from God, delaying healing. I’m also gay, my parents ejected me from their lives, returned Christmas presents, with note referring to me as a reprobate who can not celebrate Jesus. I received long letters full of scriptures calling me a w...., this from man who molested me. I send heart and love to every gay person sent away by parents or others. Love is love. I thank you Anna for validating our hearts! ♥️🕊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

May that shaming never happen to you again. Hugs!

@kcflygirl29 3 года назад

I am praying for you. It always amazes me that the most poisonous people will quote scripture. You are perfect, you are blessed. Try to work through your trauma, please; if not it will later manifest as physical pain. Take the “ presents” that you would normally buy for them and find a family in need. Those who love and appreciate us are the best family possible. Praying for you

@kristinryling1879 3 года назад

@@kcflygirl29 Thank you 😊 great advice and kindness. My father physically damaged me, I have many broken vertebrae and other injuries, that were not treated, so one problem I have with the past, is it is ever present. I also have a little girl inside who is really sad, she’s the handful. Prayers are always welcome, and I’m resilient, and I keep learning and trying, and many days I’m happy. Again thank you so very much! ♥️🌹🕊

@kcflygirl29 3 года назад

I understand you perfectly. My father was an alcoholic, he was physically, and verbally abusive to my mother, and I, even our animals when they wouldn’t listen. I used to wonder why he hated us so much; he hated himself more; please just remember that. Your father just hated himself so much that he caused pain to everyone around him. Take care of yourself. You are safe now

@birgip.m.1236 3 года назад

@@kcflygirl29 Hurt people hurt other people. Spiritually & emotionally disconnected people who disconnected due to their pain.

@angelabutler2548 2 года назад

I am 44 and I’ve never had a healthy relationship, so needed this info my whole life. Thank you!

@mygraemecracker Год назад

I’m 53 same thing. So happy I’ve discovered Anna and Patrick Teahan ❤️‍🩹

@charlottelovelynyc246 3 года назад

This sounds like my childhood. We moved every 2-3 years to a completely different place and at some point I just stopped putting in effort to connect. I definitely push people away in relationships.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Thanks for watching, hope these techniques help you like they have me :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@kfroe828 3 года назад

can cptsd make me a toxic person, i listened to a description, it fit me so well

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Certainly we can get really bitter and negative and not feel at all good to be around. But we can also heal from all that :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@intrepidtomato 2 года назад

This is so right. I stumbled upon that in my current relationship (that I only stayed in and committed to because I really loved him and he practically wouldn't take no for an answer when, as usual, I flipped out and pushed him away). once I learned a way to calm myself down in moments when I would have normally started a giant relationship ending argument, our relationship became so much better. Now if only I could learn and apply that in friendships.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Thanks for sharing! Sending you encouragement. -Calista@TeamFairy

@totallychillgirl8072 3 года назад

I’m the youngest of four, and the only girl. My Mother passed suddenly when I was 14.. and left with a narcissist Father. 😥

@cameronmclennan942 3 года назад

That's really rough, lots of sympathy to you. It's very similar to my history - youngest of 4 and the only boy, father died when I was 2 and our mother was unfortunately very emotionally immature and a mess at times. Sending you caring and gently encouraging thoughts, fellow traveller.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

That's a sad thing to deal with, I'm glad you're here with us :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@hannahc.3302 3 месяца назад

My dad was someone who exploded over the smallest thing, would use physical punishment and became someone who I feared and didn’t trust. My interactions with him as a child was quiet or angry. My mother was passive and usually didn’t say anything or would side with him. I learned to read the room at an early age and do everything in my ability to avoid conflict. And if conflict occurred, it was my fault. I had to navigate an emotionally unpredictable home by myself and learned that I had to comfort myself and cope alone. Now I see that in my own relationship. Every time there’s anger or raised voices, I immediately put up my walls and want to flee. But I know that it’s not healthy conflict resolution. It’s so hard to rewrite this narrative and take back the power. But I know that I’m an adult now and it’s my turn to regulate my emotions and create a healthy environment for me and my SO. Please send your support. Definitely nice to have a community who understands

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 месяца назад

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. If you haven't already, try the Daily Practice. It is a great to process fears and resentments and it has already helped many people worldwide. Here's a link to the free course, if you're interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@anthonyvargasjr1602 8 месяцев назад

Wow, I'm everything in this video. I'm so tired of hurting people that truly love me. I'm breaking up with my partner every 2 weeks, a crazy cycle. I'm so tired of hurting her!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 8 месяцев назад

We understand as few others can. You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@GraceGrace_77 3 года назад

You are a gifted, gifted communicator. Thank you and God bless you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Wow, thank you!

@euchiron 3 года назад

I relate so much to this. Clinging, then distance. Different background, but same distrust of relationships. I've always been good at self soothing, so now I have a better focus for that thanks to this!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

That's great, I'm so glad it helped make some connections! -Cara@TeamFairy

@henryzhao4622 Год назад

What would you want from someone who you pushed away but still loves you? Of course respecting your space. Reaching out briefly every 3-6 months? Would that make you feel cared for and not abandoned

@bonitainthekitchen6032 2 года назад

My strength comes from loving myself, I need to be accountable otherwise I will never be happy and in harmony, the voices need to shut up when I remember I love myself and that someone out there is waiting for me to heal more, right now I am trying to be present, read body language, listen more to people without interruption and really have a genuinely connection with that person and make it short and sweet. If I keep talking I will probably confused the person or I loose track of the subject of the conversation. 😅

@sannouchka1 3 года назад

It's so true! I've learned through lockdown that I really miss people. And that I feel much better after small talking to other people.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

@brianh1969 3 года назад

Thank you for another gift. I can hide. It's usually when I mess up. Can be if I feel someone triggered or deregulated, overwhelmed. I don't have to deep down the rabbit's hole. Need my space, get grounded. I do occasionally feel guilty about taking the space. Its not a punishment. It is a need. I need to center and ground myself.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Glad you're here :)

@SuitcaseWallStories 3 года назад

No one is trustworthy to share with. At least I can't trust anyone.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

You can start with how to be honest with yourself, covered in this free mini course bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

@HeavenlyDivineTaro 4 месяца назад

Share with yourself. As you walk in the park. I do this anyway because people don't wanna hear it. Even Journaling helps me talk to myself to solve my own problem.

@BobBob-yc4qd 2 месяца назад

There is no perfect person. Also, if you live for approval you will die from rejection. Be happy with yourself and accept who you are.

@uppitybee898 3 года назад

I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since before age five. I’ve been in therapy for years I finally decided it is what it is. I’m happier once I accepted myself and got a puppy. I was a military brat so we moved every two years. My mother was proximity abandonment and my step dad was her police man. My two older sisters lived with their abusive father for several years so when they came to live with us my mothers guilt allowed for them to abuse us. After many decades of trying to be a part of their lives I finally decided they don’t deserve me and I gave up on them. Best thing I ever did for myself. When people treat me like an option I let them think what they want and I slip away before they even notice I’m gone. Not going to put up with mean people. I learned a long time ago if you want good people in your life don’t have uncomfortable conversations about things they are not familiar with. Enjoy the good people and fill your life with those people and soon you will forget the people who were never there for you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Thanks for sharing your experience! -Cara@TeamFairy

@BlackMagnolia 3 года назад

As a person with artistic flair, I am trying to create my own healing. I really appreciate your channel and what you do and others that have helped save my mind my sanity and the future for my son. I send you big love and big hugs thank you for doing what you do

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Great, glad you're here :)

@rosiereal 3 года назад

I'm realizing that this is why being a float nurse worked so well for me. Working around the same people every day all day made me nuts, no matter how much I liked them. We moved every few years when I was growing up. I got so tired of telling people that no, my dad wasn't in the military.

@RobRowan-l2p 3 месяца назад

Thank you Anna for your WISDOM. I've struggled all my life with cptsd. I'm 59 years old. I grew up thinking I'm no good.. And my girlfriend has said to me, that I've lived a negative lifestyle, like it was normal behavior. She solved an issue with me, that I became exactly like my ABUSIVE OVERT NARCISSISTIC mom..

@SpecialK711 3 года назад

As a nurse I see daily how the body & body systems, immune/circulatory/nervous/muscular, etc., have to remain connected in order to fully function @ optimal health. I believe God created people to be likewise connected and not dismembered from each other.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

@epicmage82 3 года назад

Also as a man, it's so hard to talk to anyone. I've always been bullied for being weak. I'm way too nervous around girls, and talking to the couple of guys I know would open me up for some extreme jabs.

@lelev.5758 3 года назад

Join a group on facebook. Theres a large group, i forgot its name but something about CEN childhood emotional neglect. Or search for groups that are for victims of narcissists if you had a narcissistic parent.

@lelev.5758 3 года назад

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Glad you're here, hopefully you will find strategies that can help :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@a.w.3772 3 года назад

I'm so sorry you were bullied!

@bestlife9925 3 года назад

Hi Anna, I would love to see a video on childhood/young adult friendships as a person w CPTSD. As early as elementary school, I would overshare and offer up “fixing” suggestions which drove people away (we become great observers and highly intuitive bc we are always “watching”, trying to stay safe and survive). It wasn’t until after college that I learned this behavior was driving people away. I now know how to be a better friend (and not drive people away), but there is often and insecure and pervasive loneliness that is close to the surface. My mask is to be an extrovert (more in the past). I am much more subdued now (in my 60s). Thank you

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

To request a live response from Anna, please be as specific as possible and email your question to hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com. Type 'Ask the Fairy' in the subject line to indicate you are interested in the question being made into a video. -Cara@TeamFairy

@casteretpollux 3 года назад

Good at diagnosis but very light on solutions. EMDR is the most recognised therapy.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

The course Anna created called the Daily Practice is a technique I've used for 12 years. Saying it changed my life is an understatement. courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy

@rosiereal 3 года назад

I worked with someone who said she was cured of her childhood trauma because she had been through EMDR. Most seriously messed up person I have ever met in my life. There is no one size fits all.

@queenofthebutterflies5212 3 года назад

Yes, I run from EVERYONE!!!! No one is allowed inside. All I see is the darkness in people. I've been described as a hyper social person by my psychiatrist who diagnosed me w/ C-PTSD, my psychologist told me I'm like a war veteran. I used to live in an ashram bc I love people but I always see their defects. I'm aware of Jungian's notion of projection of the shadow self but still just see narcissism. My whole family are narc's and I'm frightened of people. I've been single basically since I was 26, with the exception of a few short term relationships, and am about to turn 42!!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Staying alone is an instinct to protect ourselves and being single is fine if you like it. If you are unhappy this way though, we suggest trying some methods that help heal CPTSD. This is a great start: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice there is also a dating & relationships course :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@nycrawgirl 3 года назад

Thank you! I have done SO MUCH damage by cutting people off (some people needed to be cut off but then it became a habit) and blowing up on people I actually want in my life. I go from resentment to guilt and back again. I do the daily practice but I haven't implemented anything that can be done at the moment. I MUST stop the minute I'm triggered, I will say nothing at all. Thanks, Anna!

@RobinHerzig 2 года назад

“Attachment Wounds” yeah that's it, Bingo!

@worldtocome 3 года назад

Hi Anna, This one's a hard one for me. I've entered estrangement with several family members over these characteristics. I agree with your general take in your videos. Like you, I do not like all the psycho-jargon and infinite labels seen in personal recovery conversations, but these CPTSD characteristics can present to others as a frightening derangement (or worse, an antisocial character) when not understood by others. I lost my relationship to a parent this way. I can honestly say we failed to achieve 5 minutes of healthy bonding across our lifetimes. I tend to feel dysregulation. I keep a moderate level of estrangement with several family members mostly as a way to manage my own triggers to Fight-Flight-Freeze-Fawn. I continue to work on my external present-day triggers. I had to realize that my identity/personality is not "fixed in place" or immutable. I think this is a common misinterpretation by CPTSD people. We were so afraid as children we thought we couldn't take the time to change the thoughts we already had (like a fixed computer memory with no storage). Later on, we actually thought this was the way the mind was supposed to work, and became defensive when well-intentioned teachers or mentors tried to teach us HOW to learn.

@tobyschoeneberger7126 3 года назад

And for me, learn to listen.

@Rose-gf2pw 3 года назад

I have this feeling of wanting to run away from my relationship. But the thing is, I should. I’m in a relationship that’s not right for me. I know because he says he wants kids within a couple of years. And I don’t. Thats the main thing but there is also other things. He’s 7 older than me and I’ve often felt like I needed to rush my healing in order to be with him. I need to end it soon but I lack other relationships in life. I’m afraid of the loneliness. My abandonment gets triggered really hard when I get close to leaving him. I know I have to. I feel so bad for staying.

@gracehill7204 3 года назад

Be true to yourself

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

@Rose these decisions are so hard, I recommend trying this course Anna created for us to help us be more honest with ourselves :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy

@kalinabozhkova5655 3 года назад

I’m absolutely not fine! The first few months were nice because everyone else seemed to slow down as much I normally wanted to slow down but meeting new people now is so much harder on top of it already being hard and awkward

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Yes, it sure is. Thanks for watching!

@moongoddess8555 2 года назад

I’m at that stage of recognising those thoughts and I just remove myself from the room before I say or do anything regretful, I used to run away or yell and fight before so I know this is progress for me When I remove myself I stop and think and make myself name 3 positive things about myself and or work out why I’m feeling triggered

@cherylduckworth8185 Год назад

Hi Anna I'm back for a refresher! Felt like I needed a tune up recently.😊 It's hard not to get smokin tennis shoes when your feelings get all screwed up and you're sure things are just not going to work out even with the best of them.❤ Thank you for being there once again🎉😅

@no_more_free_nicks 26 дней назад

Ok, from the title this is really what I need ring now. Trigger is pushing me hard!

@chilloften 3 года назад

Indeed, I’m this way. Esp at work, or stressed. Ugh

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

@snowglass1972 3 года назад

Anna I am new to your channel and so grateful for its contents...I had trauma in my childhood years but other things happened in my adult life. Almost trauma upon trauma... However what I wanted to say is how useful the daily practice has been, I have been deregulated for so many years, this helps. I wanted to mention that at the end of the day after writing I like to add what I am grateful for that day, it keeps me in the moment and helps me to stop focusing on what's wrong.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

So glad to hear that the Daily Practice is helping you! Welcome to the community! I hope to see you on some upcoming coaching calls :)

@omarra6781 2 года назад

Nina's story is relatable. The details are a bit different, but the military, moving, emotional neglect are similar.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Thanks for listening! -Cara@TeamFairy

@carriemorton7418 Год назад

I have problems keeping relationships, my dad had cancer when he was 14,then again when he was 20 the year when I was born. No one had time for me. My grandma who was also my dads mum lost her son through epilepsy, which caused her to try and take her own life. I saw that attempt and have struggled with relationships.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

I'm so sorry. That is so much for a girl to go through. So much sadness and trauma in the family. You're safe now, and I'm glad you're here!

@carriemorton7418 Год назад

I looked for love all the time (no boundaries ment teenage years + very difficult as I was used by men and I couldn’t share that with anyone as they’d already been through enough.

@jimmysroom5132 3 года назад

I destroyed two of my 4 year friendships because I didn't heal my cptsd. I couldn't control it until after and focusing on healing it has skyrocketed my anxiety. Nightmares every night and intense fear at any time I feel emotion for someone.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

The Crappy Childhood Fairy website offers courses designed specifically for calming our triggers and jump starting healing. Take a look, you can get better :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@GJ-pj4mj 3 года назад

Most of my relationships starts clingy AF and then me leaving feeling guilty for not loving them anymore, most of them were abusers in a sort of way but I always carry the feeling of shame a guilt. I have found a nice person totally different from the past ex partners, he want to take it slow and patiently, I feel so strange like i do like him but not enough... that i want to give it a chance but better run away as usual... and again I feel guilty, I dont even know why.

@bogdanafilonich33 3 года назад

I never had long term relationship, even thou I want family. I always expect smth bad from men...well...it always happened ..and then I would run away crying...I hope I can handle it and be happy finally...coz it's unbearable

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

You probably won't' be able to handle it without some help- we all need a little from this community, from the strategies Anna teaches, or other professional help. This is what gave me the most help to change my relationships and get what I needed courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy

@bogdanafilonich33 3 года назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you Cara , I watching a video right now

@kaseymitsuri7 3 года назад

Woaa, this is amazing... For many years I didn't know what was happening, why I acted like that... This has been very insightful, and I feel that a step closer to understanding myself, hoping to be able to change or calm that fear... I didn't realize I was an avoidant.. Thank you very much... I will try to listen to this many times, and will do my best to grow more in understanding, in compassion for myself, and hopefully in enough calmness for those triggering moments. Thank you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

I'm glad it's provided insight, stick around! -Cara@TeamFairy

@BethFebbo 3 года назад

I relate to you "Nina". You're not alone.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

@trudibarraclough478 2 года назад

I love you! You have changed my life. I look forward to my daily practice. It is like a ritual that prepares me for meditation - sets an intention unconsciously. I also emdr and haven as a mediation. Its working, I am sleeping well

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Wow! Happy to hear the Daily Practice has changed your life. Sending you encouragement as you continue to heal. - Ashley, Team Fairy

@barry1369 3 года назад

Only seen a few of your videos and I already feel more self acceptant

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

So glad to hear that!

@WalkByFaith24 3 года назад

You’re words of wisdom are helping me more than words can say. You are an answer to to one of my prayers for healing. Thank you for what you do.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Thank you so much Hedi, I appreciate you being here!

@greenness7387 3 года назад

This is me. I have attachment wounds from abandonment as a baby and then emotional neglect (although I think my adoptive parents tried their best - they just couldn't understand me and they were struggling with my father's war induced PTSD). I had someone who truly loved me, but I couldn't settle, self-sabotaging the relationship all the way - we lasted 12 years. Now, through therapy, I understand what was happening and want to have another chance, but no-one is interested in me - I think something must be obvious from me just being me. I'm sure that I am looking for the unconditional love I didn't get as a baby.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

I understand, it can take time but keeping that focus on yourself is going to get you healthier and healthier :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@charlesfoster575 3 года назад

Such great advice! These eternal truths are all right there in Torah, but most never get past the part about not being the most important personal priority...so many things bigger than us! Pain seeks escape and pleasure...two things that can really mess things up when not regulated. Our Creator simply refuses to let us continue in such things without a sample of the bad results those wrong priorities produce for eternity if we remain separated from Him and the protocols of Heavenly living that He invites us to enjoy, as He made us to do! When we see pain in this way, a LIGHT comes on that really helps us see the love that God has for us, and that He wants us to be able to give as well as receive in the healthy ways He always intended. I love to listen to you, Anna, because I have so much to learn about myself and those I love-but this much I know: God is good to us, all the time...even though we were born on a battlefield between good and evil, and generally take a lot of hits before we learn the Truth and gain 100% victory over everything opposed to His goodness filling our lives. Thank you for your love and diligence! The thing I love most about your channel is your healing humility and that I have never heard something that rejects Torah (the protocols of Heavenly living that our Creator enjoys and invites us to share)! Micah6:8

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

@ddddas8733 3 года назад

Can you make a video about complex ptsd from Intense bullying over 10 years in school and high school. I feel like when i get disregulated i cannot do anything about it i feel like i have nothing to offer and feel like i never know what to talk about with people because all my life i was living in distractions. Also do u suggest me to go to a therapy ?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Hi ddd das, Anna doesn't focus much on the abuse that caused CPTSD, but she has created a course for something to do daily that might help you, it helped me a great deal :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy

@rosahollander9497 3 года назад

Highly recommended book.by Pete Walker on cptsd

@a.w.3772 3 года назад

Anna has such a soothing way of educating us!!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Agreed! -Cara@TeamFairy

@sonjatiffin6331 3 года назад

That's my mom and dad remarried they validated their second child more than they did me it just seems like they love their second child with their new mate more than they did me I was just there I was supposed to be seen not heard

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

We have troubling and pasts that hurt, but we can get better now! Glad you're here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@lorileifer613 3 года назад

I love your videos!! I am deeply involved in the Re-evaluation Counseling community and I find your videos very in line with their concepts. Your videos also give me a broader vocabulary when speaking/writing, and a layer of validation for how I get by in this sometimes-not-so-easy world. So, thank you :)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

I'm so glad!

@TubeYouInger 3 года назад

I noticed during my healing / recovery time, that I only want to flee, it is because of that there is a reason: The person is a toxic person!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

When that is the case, it's great you can get yourself out of there! -Cara@TeamFairy

@bellaeastwood4235 2 года назад

i have Cptsd. i do run from very healthy relationships and found every reason to sabotage a very loving relationship with someone that cared for me dearly. they made me want to do better. so i’m watching this to try and improve myself for when i’m able to connect with yet another healthy relationship. i want to maintain and hold down the forte. i want to be able to have kids and get married. i can’t do this whilst running all the time

@liyemachinenyerungqu38 Год назад

I get you so much babes 😤❤️

@julieryan8179 3 года назад

I'm loving all of your videos (well at least the ones I've watched); and I'm learning so much about how to tame my frustration with myself. Thank you for the good work.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

You got this!

@onenonlysarahd5158 2 года назад

Woman- I have much love for you, although we have not met, I couldn't be more grateful for you in my life at this time. My Utmost Gratitude 💞

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Wow, thank you

@smileyface702 3 года назад

If you want to learn more about adult attachment theory, then I highly recommend Thais Gibson's RU-vid channel, The Personal Development School. That channel has done SO much and given me a whole new language to understand myself and my relationships

@specygirl85 3 года назад

I'm same like the person you talked about in the video.....Now I realized that I m that type and I push away people..i always feel like people leave me but I m wrong...😔

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Great insight! -Cara@TeamFairy

@AA-wc3tw 23 дня назад

I wish I wanted to flee relationships. Instead, I stay in them years too long (and my friends never said anything, not that I would have listened to them anyways, but still.....friends shouldn't stay silent when they see their friend hurting/suffering with the wrong person). I wasted the last 25 years on the wrong relationships. I should have never entered them in the first place, or ended them within weeks/months so as not to waste 1/4 of my life. Thankfully after my most recent breakup, I analyzed the relationship dynamics and it opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I am no longer desperate for "someone, anyone, please just love me." Now my attitude is "To be allowed in my inner circle, you'd better be pretty fking amazing because I am no longer settling for less than I deserve/want. I have an awesome, happy life....are you going to contribute positively to it or drag it down?" Needless to say, I have zero desire to give anyone any of my energy beyond platonic. I'm done.

@POLYLIVING 3 года назад

Thanks for sharing Neena. My childhood was so similar

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

😊

@deborahbain9915 2 года назад

I'm starting my Daily Practice Love your Videos

@WalkByFaith24 3 года назад

Anna, you may have just saved my marriage of 13 years. He’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, he struggles with attachment as well, which triggers my abandonment trigger & sets me off and I’m constantly running out the door. We almost divorced 3 years ago after I had an affair with a horribly abusive man after having some flooding memories I couldn’t handle of my first husband hurting me & I didn’t feel supported enough by my current husband. But I DO want this marriage to work, and I’m hurting him every time I scream and cut him down and threaten to leave. And I’ve tried everything I know how to stop it. But when he ignores me....it starts the cycle again, and sometimes I just don’t know if I’m supposed to stay or go. But either way, I’m not supposed to act like this...

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

I hope you'll consider a membership with Crappy Childhood Fairy, there is a lot of help and support for you. When the cycle starts, with no support we are just caught up in it like a tornado every time, but that can completely change! bit.ly/2rukHvh

@darkestlight6784 3 года назад

Silent treatment (being ignored) is considered emotionally abusive, i believe

@jsmith7240 3 года назад

I think this is a really good summary of cptsd and how to face it. I've watched alot of the other Crappy Childhood videos, I do daily practice and am half way through bootcamp. Watching this video gives a great broad view on the subject, thanks Anna.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Glad you enjoyed it and so glad you are doing the Daily Practice and working through your course!

@connie27100 2 года назад

Identify with wanting to destroy everything when triggered and doing my best Godzilla impression.

@remojacob8016 2 года назад

I used to take this to another level by avoiding getting into relationship by dressing down so that people don't find me attractive. Which is what I later realised to be self sabotaging behaviour.

@bebebete Год назад

OMG! You do amazing work here! I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thank you! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@mountain5623 Год назад

I started to tell my story. It opened up like flood gates and shut me down again. I am like you, the more I talk about it, makes me worse. I hid all that stuff for a reason, it was to much for me.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for listening! -Cara@TeamFairy

@stars_for_night_lights 3 года назад

This was so helpful. Thank you so much! 💕❤️💕

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Glad it was helpful!

@mheartshape6817 3 месяца назад

I react extremely when I am disappointed in love, although I put no hope on it and I am independent.

@rosevalentine3082 2 года назад

I would like to come with a different input. I do believe that most of us with CPTSD developed empathetic abilities and heightened radar for toxic people. Now I’m speaking from personal experience, I’ve been in several relationships where at first I felt and knew this wasn’t right for me, but still I stayed because I thought it was just fear. It later turned out that I was right and my predictions were correct. Because of my childhood trauma I am now able to quickly recognise red flags and toxic environments. Sometimes it’s okay to run, and sometimes it is worth trying to communicate instead of running. All I’m trying to say is, trust yourself. Even if it seems ridiculous.

@cherylrock3612 Год назад

This video describes my circumstances. I feel like it could be me sitting in that chair reciting that story.

@aprillane224 Год назад

I'm so blessed to have found your videos. Thank you

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@libbylandscape3560 3 года назад

Disregulation sounds so similar to what I was told were flashbacks, which were also triggered...which held me hostage most of my life until my therapist gave me the keys to finding their triggers. Today they don’t happen very often, and when they do it doesn’t take long to sort them out. In the past it would take months and months to figure out what happened after living in the fog of a flashback, and I always wanted to bury them in shame. But once I knew how to find and look at the trigger, I lost my fear and was able to examine the original memory dispassionately. I made some remarkable discoveries that brought me past that horror into love...at the time an event happened it was traumatic and I think the flashback is a notification that there’s more important info I need to understand. Ex, once when I was abt 18 mo, the memory of being shoved out of the car by my enraged mother who’d just spewed a bunch of hate about me to my father, and said she wanted to get rid of me, then, when he stopped the car, she thrust me at a man standing there, and she laughed at me as I screamed. What the flashback allowed me to see after re-experiencing the feelings of looking at my mother laughing at my fear and terror of abandonment, was the soothing love that washed over me as my uncle brought me to him and cuddled me in his gentle hands. He and my aunt were loving people who wanted to take me but my mother wouldn’t have it, instead she found strangers.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

There are triggers and emotional flashbacks; so glad you found a therapist who helped! We all need the support. -Cara@TeamFairy

@uzalselin 2 года назад

Such an on point description in the letter. “Take cover” ahh so sad.

@aspieayo2894 Год назад

I always want to wait to calm down, but I feel like I can't go on with any other part of my life until the conflict caused by the trigger is solved

@yoyoyo5621 Год назад

i literally searched for running away from love after when i disappeared after a guy asked me out cuz it freaked me out

@livmartin3055 Год назад

wowowowo this is actually exactly how i act

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

@Jayee9999 3 года назад

Can you do both-cling and push away?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

DEFINITELY

@cathrinekatsigianni8823 2 года назад

It is true that the first step to healing is awareness. However, the way to face the triggers everyone has their own way. Writing does very little for me , I believe that finding your own way may be achieved with the help of a good therapist who has a solid knowledge and experience of attachment wounds. Before undergoing this type of therapy I was unable to really connect and open up even to good friends as I was not clear myself of what was going on. Through my therapist's support I am slowly finding my own way of self regulating and my connection to other people is much deeper and more meaningful!

@RoadRunnergarage8570 3 года назад

I tend to both push people away and cling as well....

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Thanks so much for being here!

@i2ndsight 3 года назад

Is there a Navy Brat CPTSD subculture? Perhaps a Military Brat CPTSD Culture?

@mpv9866 3 года назад

Likely, military brat ( in general) cptsd

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 года назад

Interested in seeing the replies!

@i2ndsight 3 года назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairyAnna, your videos are so much fun for me and always seem to launch me on a new project! My friends follow you now and then we talk afterwards.