When Does No Contact Start Working? (From A Psychotherapist) 

I’m a firm believer in....if you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they are yours. If not, they were never yours to begin with!!! And to everyone who’s hurting- rock bottom is a solid foundation. Work on yourself!!! 💗

Whenever im feeling alone and depressed i come here even if ive watched all your videos hundreds of times , just rewatching them makes me feel some type of comfort .

No contact is a win-win situation! Think about it. Do you think you can talk someone in to loving you? Persuade them? FUCK NO. Someone loving you and wanting to be with you must be their choice, it must be a product of their thoughts. If their thoughts are that your needy and desperate, you best believe that'll push them away more. When you do NO CONTACT, you enable the healing process, and moving on is much faster. On top of that? You respect yourself more. You love yourself more. What's more attractive then someone who shows love and respect for them self? Another win is that your ex may miss you and see what life is like without you and want another go. Hit the gym, meditate, it's time to be selfish (in a healthy way). This is the time to move on. Stay strong! Love yourself!

When my boyfriend broke up with me I kept watching all these No Contact videos. Out of desperation at first, soon because they motivated me to become a better person and do things I‘ve always wanted to do. Fast forward 1,5 months, I‘ve lost 13 pounds, started working out, am about to move to the city I’ve always wanted to live in and I‘m generally so happy. Watched this today and came to the realization that I don‘t want him back anymore. I guess No Contact really does work. So glad I did this.

My dog walked away while I was petting her, so I'm gonna go No Contact to get her back

When people walk a way from you, let them go

I truly believe the NC rule works best for you, not your ex or your old relationship. Just let go (go no contact) to work on yourself. You're not leaving the car in the garage you are working on it yourself. You are the mechanic and it feels good to do repair something on your own. NC has helped me! Tremendously.

No contact is best. Why? No false hope. Plus, you give yourself time to heal.

I don't care how much you miss someone, if my ex was engaged to someone even in six months after me, says a lot about them as a person.

Well, it's been 3 years. I thinks shes gonna crack soon!

Why doesn't the feeling go away:(. I want my mind to be at peace again.

Honestly NC works even if they don’t come back because it helps you improve and focus on yourself and what you truly want👌🏽

I’m really losing hope. It’s been 5 months, one month NC. She told me she needs space so I am giving it to her. I’m driving myself nuts waiting for a call or text. There’s only one way to do it - no reach out (disappear basically), work on yourself, and move on. If something is meant to be they will contact you, if not, then well, that’s God’s Will and there is nothing you could’ve done. No amount of begging, pleading, manipulation, etc. wouldve been the magic bullet. Relinquish control, put it in God’s (the Universe’s, etc.) hands. It’s so freeing and the only spiritually healthy way to approach it.

You believe the way I believe Craig cause when an ex is backing away and needing space, you should give it to them and allow them to choose you when they are ready. Pursuing them when they've gone cold is to disturb the natural flow for them coming back to you. Some people fear they will "move on" and thus they fear the truth if that's the case.

Believe it or not, my ex came back 25years after he left me 😂 no contact really works 😂 !!

Craig, you're one of the better relationship experts in RU-vidland. I really enjoyed your insights during this video; not only were some of my thoughts validated by your advice, I learned a couple of new things, too. Thanks.

Coach Craig. You are amazing and have helped with my current breakup. Your videos are the one thing that gave me insight of my feelings and ultimately of myself. Love you please don't stop these videos❤

Simply love yourself first. ❤

I hate those kind of people. You work a job you hate under a boss who mistreats you and because you are too much of a coward to stand up for yourself you take out your anger on your child.

I’m 90% sure my gf broke up with me because her mom didn’t approve of me. She would never tell me.

I'm 65 miles north of Seattle. The coaching videos have helped me tremendously. Its been 4 months and times are getting better. Need to get through the holidays coming soon. I've learned a lot. Thank you !

I love your channel you have saved me in many dark hurtful places !!! I leave your channel on to ease anxiety especially at night and in the mornings. You are amazing 🎉 I can’t thank you enough for your videos full of advice and words of soothing encouragement ❤

Watching this video is really helping me honestly. I blew up my ex phone after he wanted space and I feel bad now after watching this. I have to stop trying to contact him. Starting right now at this time.

This is probably the best vid I’ve watched on this situation, no beating around the bush

Listening from Mexico...great video, one of my favorites! I like to think: If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, it's because nobody else wanted them :-)

I was watching these and my ex rang !!! I was walking my dog !! 52 days NC now we’re talking again and trying. Please stay in NC 🙏🏻

I’m from Oregon! I’m doing the workbooks love them! And watching your videos, thank you for being so approachable ❤

Guys use the no contact to move on and forget, not to get your ex back. Yes, it sucks how your brain works and you just want to ease that pain by reaching out but at the end you will be glad one day that you never did. Be strong and embrace that pain. Trust me that pain will make you so strong.

I went no contact on Taylor Swift, now she's writing songs about me. 😂

I did not do any no contact with my ex...even though I broke up with him...we agreed ok a deal of being friends and then reconsider going back to Relationship after some time but...he accidentally got my hopes up and end up having one night stand with another woman...he apologized but I can't get over him...we are still talking but it kills me inside and he claimed to be mentally sick and I'm a psychologist but he refused help...he was firm he doesn't want me back as a girlfriend but I can't quit

She wants me to "contact" her. But this is the 3rd move out and I've always chased her. This is the first time she left trying to remain "friends ". I told her 3 strikes you're out. I think she doesn't want out but knows it's her. I'm tired.

Lexington, KY. My girlfriend of 3+ years broke up with me exactly a month ago. We have both been texting and keeping contact but it is a double edged blade. It helps a bit but makes it impossible to move forward. I am going to try NC and see how it works out. I cant go to sleep at night because i cant stop thinking about her and what shes doing. Shes the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing i think of when i go to sleep. The pain is greater than anything ive ever experienced.

Tampa FL Man it's been 34 days for me and I'm still hurtin

I feel like I am dying I miss him

It was like you made this one just for me. I've been struggling for 6 weeks, he has been kind about reading and even replying once in awhile with a text or a call to keep me calm...I have never reacted this way in a break up. I don't even understand myself right now. Why would this one be so different for me? I'm 52 and have had plenty of practice. He is my high school sweetheart and we just reconnected after 37 years. Lasted only 3 months but he asked me to marry him in 30 days. So lost and confused. Your videos are the only thing that helps. Thanks for all you do..

Great information that really gives a lot of insight and advice!!

My husband of 15 years told me he was leaving me. This came out of left field one night. Mind you for the past 4 years I have been by his side as he was going through cancer treatments. In October we went to his high school reunion. Well it turns out his HS sweetheart was at that reunion. In November he told me he was leaving me because he wants to spend whatever time he has remaining with her and his HS friends. His dr has not told him he has a certain time until he dies. Could be 2 yrs or ten yrs is what his dr told us. They graduated in 1965 and he hasn’t lived in his hometown for 50 years. I am devastated. I do not understand because I really thought we were happily married. He is 72 and I am 63. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I have to sell my house, and everything that comes with a divorce, etc. I feel like I’m the one who is dying. He hasn’t moved to his home state yet but he is going back and forth to see her. He still lives in our state but is staying with a friend for now. My heart is torn out and stomped on.

The best attitude to have to re attract them is to not want to re attract them

Watching from France! I love your videos. I made tons of mistakes before I found them, and broke no contact after a month last time after following bad advice. I’m not even sure how long this round of no contact has been so far, but I’m sure he’ll reach out when his rebound implodes. Trying to move on with my life and not hold my breathe waiting, but it’s so haaaard. I still love him but I feel like he’d really have to work to earn my trust back at this point and I doubt he’ll try. Who knows. Anyway, thanks for always dropping knowledge!

Wow, I'm really thrilled I've stumbled upon this RU-vid channel! My case is possibly a little different, maybe not. I'm in week 4 of separation from my wife of 24 years. She asked for the separation and I reluctantly capitulated. We've had the arguments and hot moment things that shouldn't have been said but here we are. I still love her very much but am confused with what I have learned these past weeks. As is the case so often, I was blindsided like being hit with a baseball bat up side the head. I thought things were ok. Well, she educated me. Basically what she has felt over the years is a lack of empathy and general understanding her. Not understanding my own emotions, to often I would become angry and shut down and sometimes storm out of the room when having a difficult conversation. But what she was doing over time was pulling away from me and I misread it as health issues that she refused to go to a medical doc for treatment. I was wrong. As an added bonus to my troubles, there are some issues she's not delt with from her past before me. A rape that I knew nothing about until 5 weeks ago. Her feeling like she could never 'hear her own little voice' in her head, etc. We are going to separate counselors to work on our individual issues but she told our pastor that she is going to her counselor for help with HER issues, not OUR marriage issues. She also indicates that at some point, no idea when, she may be ready to look at our marriage. The bad thing is, WHEN? How long? I don't have a clue. She is 58 and I'm 65 going on 50! We both are Christian believers and I for sure don't believe divorce is a viable solution to our issues. So I'm trusting that God will work through her counselor to help clear her head of the garbage she is dealing with and allow her to consider reconciling with me. I am learning a lot about myself and my shortfalls with relating to her. I've made the rookie mistakes you've talked about such as pleading for one more chance, I'll change the way I do this or that, I love you so much, and on and on. I have began going silent with her. No calling to ask her to dinner. No texting her. I will only respond to her initiated calls or texts. I'm trying to be patient and willing to give her the space and time needed. Thank you for your great video content, I'm binge watching them!

I’m literally going through it right now. She has no remorse and I’ve given all of me and more to make her happy. Now that the engagement and relationship is over. Cutting off communication is the single most hardest thing to do especially since she throws the I love u out there just to keep me around. U can’t just downgrade to friendship after what she did 💔

I’m from Somerset, England... your videos are really helping me keep my anxiety calm... so, a big thank you to you both. The breakup has been prolonged, due to separating possessions, self torment, the cutting ties and relapses in contact... 3 Year’s have now passed, which I know sound crazy... it is all a bit crazy and now feel quiet pathetic... having learnt this week that she has moved on in a big way... So, I will be looking for a video to start to move on, dating... which is not what I want... but have to... need to... I would also like to know more about being “too nice”... I try to be nice, thoughtful and generally a good person... but I hope it’s not for manipulation... thank you again for all your time, videos and help, best wishes James

I miss the cat😂😂😂😂😂 I'm dying lol

I have a strong reason to not initiate contact with them thou,everytime i think of her i remembered how badly ive handled the breakup(such as begging and bringing up good me ories and promises),its soo shameful now ive completely gotten rid of my anxiety and desire to reach out to her,seeing my weak and pathetic past text with her only makes me laugh as i realize its a major turnoff to do that after a breakup😂

Thank you coach Craig , it’s so touching to hear you promise there has a hope

Sending love from Australia! Thanks for all your advice mate! Recently got out of a 5yr relationship, trying hard to get her back. Made a bunch of the classic mistakes in the post-breakup phase but feeling empowered to tackle the situation differently with a variety of the tools you have discussed in your videos. Legend!

I think a girl says she needs space to test the guy n see how much he cares about her and she wants him to chase her but when he fails to do this , the tables do turn and she in turn wants him more. It has now become a challenge u see.

No contact first and second try was a fail... third times a charm!! I can do this!

Youre the best relationship coach on you tube

This was very heart felt video from Craig, you're awesome, thank you

PLEASE cover this with regards to short term or long distance relationships more please!!!

I just broke up with my partner after nearly 4 years of getting cheated on, physically abused, smear campaigned, and lied to daily. I've tried leaving her maybe a handful of times and I always ended up contacting her and begging for her back. It was never long before the cycle of abuse started again. As much as I hated her cruel treatment and as fearful I am of her, I can feel my heart breaking with each beat 😭 I do love her more than I've ever loved anybody in my entire life... but I don't want her back, I don't want to continue the relationship any longer, I don't even want the "Honeymoon Phase"... It's absolutely killing me because I know that this time I must keep facing forward and never look back 💔 I pray I'm strong enough to leave her permanently this time. I am in Canada (Winnipeg, Manitoba)

I really get it now.. 😭. I know I sensed it before, but was too late.. I know deep down my anxiety issues were pushing her away. I'm sussing out here which place is best for my mental health. I want her back so much, but also my priority is my mental health. I know ppl say don't have guilt, but deep down I know this was part of our problems within our relationship. I just lost control of my trauma

Having a female friend always speeds things up. It never fails. Just make sure u let the girl your seeing understands you just want to be friends otherwise you will involve another person hurting as well. She will respect u for the honesty. Then your being honest to your ex when u tell her it's just friendship. She will then consider coming back because the thought of u moving on will get to her.

good day..Im Jerdan from Philippines..coach Rory (the love chat) recommend your videos and I found it helpful alot:) Thanks a lot!

Craig, my gf broke up with after an argument over really nothing. Panic did set in and I did a bit of the classic baby, baby, baby please lol. I started the NC but then we had tickets to a Michael Buble concert and I had to ask how we were going to work that out. Went back to NC after that and about a week and a half later, she walked into my office (we work together but she only comes in the office one per week) and started chatting me up about all kinds of personal stuff, she was happy, smiling and laughing. This week I came back to work after being out for a few days, there were some gifts on my desk that she ordered in January before we broke up, but didn’t arrive until after. I just texted thank you and then returned to NC. We have been together for over 4 years and while I realize I could find someone new, the time apart minus the initial emotional tornado, that she really is the love of my life and if I keep playing it cool, I believe she will reach out at some point.

I’m from Melbourne Australia. You’ve become good friends you and Margaret. I go to bed listening to you both

Hi Craig👋, I am from Trinidad and Tobago and I really respect your knowledge. Keep sharing it thanks.

I unironically considered telling my ex that I miss the cat today lol

Great video bro..

Listening from Australia. Great advice Craig! This is my second breakup in one year. So Im definitely a student that needs help. Thanks again.

Thank you for keeping this video up, Coach/Dr. Craig. Near Toronto 🇨🇦🍁

Thank you. You may not realise how encouraging this is.

my ex's just so angry at me, so, I'm on my NC as well.... :( I hope he reaches out. I'm improving myself as well :)

After loosing my husband of 35 years this is my first relationship and “break up” so I need all the help. No contact gave me my dignity back. (Not to grovel) thanks Craig. I hope to get him back but if I don’t I still look better than I did.

Going into the 3rd week of no contact. I miss her so much but I deleted all the means of communication so the only way we'll ever talk to each other is her the dumper reaching out to me. I can feel my emotions getting the better of the logics but I keep trusting that not contacting her is the healthiest and most dignified way to go. May God help me through this process.

The indirect direct approach! LOVE it! You are so knowledgeable and funny. Love your vids!!

i miss u so much diana.

i jus loved the car repair example (Y) U r too good coach!!! :)

well this is helpful , after going through so many videos finally a guy who can really explain the process .

I am listening to you Craig, all the way from, Prescott Valley Arizona. 😊 Thank you!!

It's been five weeks now and I'm dying ....I keep telling her how I feel about her I even asked her to marry me ...she said I only asked out of desperation....this is coming from a women that constantly hinted about marriage for the last four years ....I can't sleep anymore and I think about her nonstop ....I've been watching no contact videos for a month and I can't help myself ...the longest I made it was six days ....I talked to this woman every day for seven years and now she won't give me the time of day ....I'm going to start no contact today hoping that it's not to late and that I haven't pushed her to far away ....I have nothing to lose now everything else hasn't worked

From the San Leandro ca and I am truly blessed that I was able to come across your page I left a comment on another one but I felt that after watching this video it’s certainly just gives you a new perspective on how to look at things and I certainly do now sometimes your friends your family they tell you something but you might feel that that person has a biased opinion well coming from somebody I don’t even know obviously from RU-vid but able to connect with your words and put it in the true meaning is crazy it’s like you’re standing here talking to me in front of me. Anyway I just want to say thank you for putting out these videos.

I'm kind of confused, you've said before not to contact her, now you say that it's not going to fix anything. You said that she needs to miss you.

Hi Craig I’m a long time subscriber of yours and I’m from Pismo Beach California. Thank you for all your hard work and insight . I get excited when you post new videos.

My ex boyfriend Nick asked for Time and Space since 2006. He asked for No Contact since 2012. He apparently ghosted me on Facebook Messenger recently ago he was reaching out to me. So I tried to reach out to him and his mom by writing and sending a letter in the mail. How long should I wait for a response back?

Ex and I are NC, blocked me on social media but she gives me Anonymous phone calls. Stays silent then hangs up the phone. I don't get the behavior.

Hi Craig, you are so helpful and very handsome to look at which helps a lot. :). I live in Sherman Oaks, Ca.

Hey Craig, I love your channel. It’s been very helpful and I’ve learned a lot from you and Margaret. My ex and I just started no contact a couple weeks ago. How should I handle no contact on Valentine’s Day? I’ve prepared myself by getting some gifts and making a reservation at her favorite restaurant, but now I’m having anxiety on how to approach the day. PLEASE HELP!

Moving. Doesn’t seem likely he’ll be back. But thanks.

I started dating a girl when she was 5 months pregnant. The father was no where in the picture. She and her boyfriend broke up before she got pregnant and went up to visit her sister and had a one night stand. Then she finds out she is pregnant and didn’t know who the father is. I got with her and supported her through the whole pregnancy. Well one of the possible fathers showed up at the hospital without me knowing he was coming and didn’t leave. I fully understood why he wanted to be there but FYI he turned out to not be the father. Well I was uncomfortable about him being there because he was being disrespectful to me and trying to one up me at the hospital about everything. This naturally caused tension with me and my girlfriend. I stressed her out and I admit it. But now she is saying she doesn’t want to be with me or anyone and she is telling the truth she isn’t with him at least as of now. She even made him wait outside while I was in the delivery room and not him. She didn’t know he wasn’t the father then but still had me there. But then like I said we had some fights and now she is telling me she loves me but wants to be a mom. I have stopped texting her but when I do she will send me something small on Snapchat or whatever about the baby. It’s like she wants me to know she is still there or something. I don’t know what to do. Opened my heart to this girl and her baby. She called me his father. I did skin to skin contact with this baby for his first week of life and helped deliver him. I am truly heartbroken and destroyed from this. I can’t eat or sleep or anything.

It really does work eventually but usually by the time the person comes back your genuinely over them and you don't care anymore but it's very common for ppl to try come back eventually it may be years but it's highly likely

I finally heard someone tell the truth about “No Contact”. The idea of putting a car in the garage for a period time, thinking after, the engine would somehow fix itself....says it all. Steve Mesquite, Nevada

@Craig The Mrs dumped me on boxing day, when I had to move out. Anyway, she tells me she still loves me and is still in communication with me. Now what’s your advice in respect of this; we’ve mutually agreed to give each other space for a month, at which point we’re gonna book a table and meet up when things have cooled down and we’re in a better place. Now 2 weeks ago we were engaged so things have gone quite wrong lol. Anyway, after 30 days we’ll decide if we’re still meant to be. Do you understand? This is like a test to see if we still come back to each other after a break, coz the reason for the break was down to my military based PTSD and my erratic behaviour and anxiety. Which I’m now getting help with. Can you advise and give me your thoughts on mutual no contact with a view to coming back to each other after, to see if this love thing is indeed the real thing.

I guess mine broke up because 1. I wanted him to text when got home safe 2. Wanted him to invite me with his friends 3. Wanted himtoo let me know when he was going out for a while so I would know not to wait for a text 4. Not be looking up naked women all the time.5. Actually sit down and rationally talk to me and listen when I have a problem with something he did. But I guess his new co-worker doesn't ask any of this from him so it is all my fault. I didn't think I was being unreasonable but I guess I was? He never came to me that he had problems

We didn't really break up..I haven''t chatted with him since Thursday. Our kids chatted tonight and I told my 14 year old son (who got very upset) and his daughter too who's 14 as well. They were really close. He's been married twice for 9 years each. I am not like them, but he cannot get over him losing everything in the second divorce and tends to dwell on it. I did tell him that eventually I was interested in tying the know again. I love his kids and family!!! This will be tough!!! I do know he loves me, he's just emotionally available. I can't go on like this! So I told my son we were broke up. I am doing the no contact thing and refuse to have any type of contact with him or his family! He says he loves me but he does have a lot on his plate, like getting a job! Financial issues. I;m giving him total space! Any advice? We've been together 11 months.

i was in a 27-year relationship. I went to school out of state and she was to move here when I completed my studies. I graduated and she said she wanted to stay at her job for 2 more years, so we compromised. we sold the house and she moved to where I was going to school. I felt things were not the same but I had not a confirmation and she never said anything to me about ending the relationship. I looked at her phone and there was intimate text between a coworker and her. the messages said i love you i miss you. when I confronted her she denied anything but decided to leave and go back to texas. We never had a conversation about breaking up. NOw it has been over a month and I have not heard a word from her. All my friends have she has left me and I need to get over it. I just can't function. I can't sleep, eat , my brain never shuts off and i dont know what to do. 27 years is a long time to be with someone to find out they are with a coworker that you had no idea about. Please help me?

Craig your videos are very supporting . thanks for your good advice . i would like to ask you about my particular situation because its one of a kind . thanks

If both parties don't make contact how will they or can they ever connect again? South Africa, Cape Town

I’ve been through this a couple times now. You have to ask yourself this simple question. Do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you? I’m hurting myself at the moment. At times my heart just hurts. But it still comes back to that simple question. And for me, no, I don’t want to. Another thing I have learned. Are you in love with HER/HIM, or are you in love with who you wish they were?

So after 2 years he broke up with me telling me that it's best for us if we don't see us for some time as he needs space. So. I just said Ok. And I'm trying no contact rule. But the problem is. When I blocked him everywhere, few days later he blocked me also. Maybe from anger But.... I guess now the both of us are doing no contact rule. What now????? I'm stucked!!

What about when it’s pre-dating a likely avoidant individual? Everyone talks about relationship but there are some who want to learn how to navigate in the pre-dating stage.

What is your advice if it is long distance ?still do no contact?

Hi Creg, I sent you an email and answered all the questions. Hope you reply soon. I like watching your videos it really helps me out and keeps me calm. Glad I found your channel. I've seen others but I feel like I can trust yours more :)

My boyfriend started pulling away and telling me what to do. I had an idea to take a breather since I was the pursuer. I thought maybe this will get him to put in some work if I did this so the tables can turn. What do you think?

1 John 2:19 they went out from us, but they did not really belongs to us, for if had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us, the Bible said people if belonged to us they would stay. So set them free. You're not alone stay strong keep your prayer god take care of u 🙏 god bless everyone ❤️

Hi coach, After 2 weeks of no contact my ex chatted me on messenger with "Sorry for communicating again. I just want you to know that my baby brother just got circumcised" LMFAO so funny but what does it mean and how to respond?

Have some dignity and self-respect if they want distance end it and never let them come back!

My DA ex girlfriend after 7 months of dating broke up with me with no reason whatsoever. Her reason was ridicolous and it was just a excuse to leave. I tried to convince her not to do it but i never begged or anything. Finnally i told her if she doesnt want ton be with me she can leave. After 5 weeks of no contact she reached out to me without anything significant. I talk with her like with a buddy. Just few sentences a day. Its just a small talk. She never mentioned anything about us and what happenned. She reached oud to me for days in a row with good morning text. And my question is: what does she want from me???? I am so confused...

I get your analogy but a car is not a person and a car doesn't have feelings nor can a car think. I really don't agree with you.