I went No Contact with an Avoidant! Here's what happened.. (My No Contact Journey) 

She found someone else and I found myself. During no contact, I got back in contact with myself.

I dated an avoidant guy for 3 years. He would distance himself, put walls up and actively sabotage our relationship which was LDR btw. Sometimes, he would break up with me and get back together. I tried my absolute best to be understanding, caring and nurturing. Sacrificed my own needs to make more room for him and gave my all at the expense of my own mental health. Eventually my anxiety got really bad and i ended up having a panic attack because he was hostile towards me. Of course I left. He texted me earlier this year saying he misses me and everything and i showed those texts to my now boyfriend. NEVER take people for granted and always leave vicious cycles like this. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

I think its a lot easier to move on if they are not sending breadcrumbs. The breadcrumbs keep us stuck and thinking maybe they still have feelings for us and will come back

The avoidant traits...realizing that you abandoning yourself focusing on trying to make the relationship work. I think thats an important key I need to explore. Thanks

Nope don't want my ex back (At least as she currently is, unlikely to change though), she was nice and all but just not worth another heartache, only took 4 months before it became 'overwhelming' for her, avoidants don't last long because they don't communicate their problems during the relationship, it all came out after, which helped me grow and resolve my own problems, 2 months no contact and counting. Good luck to those that want theirs back, I salute you.

This is amazing, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am going through the no-contact phase right now. My ex is more avoidance and I am more anxious. We are not contacting each other for a month, he only wished me happy birthday on my birthday. I found him in the concert last weekend, and I am so happy to hear he is healing all his previous wounds by going to therapy weekly. We are only in the first month, and I hope him nothing but happiness. And for me, I need to heal my own wounds as well, and if we are meant to be together, we will see each other again. Good luck for everyone who are going through the same phase, its hard, but you have to take care of yourself first❤️

After a relationship for nearly two years, and in reality it did not exceed three months due to the on and off .He came back after seven months and was trying to communicate daily, but he disappeared again, and I could no longer tolerate this behavior, especially since I spoke to him that how harmful this behavior is to me. I blocked him from all sites. I miss him now but I can't stand it anymore

Do not take back an avoidant ex .. your life will soon be miserable again and again . They are not worth it . Save your sanity and time .

This might be weird or selfish for me to admit. But to know a lot of people in here are going through something similar or even worse than me gives me a little peace knowing someone could feel the way I am feeling. Seeing a lot of you strong people here is encouraging and inspiring. Hope you all feel better soon

Your story is very informative. I have been in NC since my FA ex monkey branched to another after a mostly good four-year relationship/situationship with me. He began the slow fade after expressing deep feelings for me. He wanted to be friends, but I declined, and let him go without tears or drama. I have tested 70% secure and 30% FA myself. By doing inner work hours each day I have been able to heal from the breakup and my own attachment issues. We have texted occasionally, but no real interaction. I have no idea how his life is going. I doubt he is doing any inner work. Although I still have love for him, I don't want him back. I can emphasize with his wounds, but realize it would not work with us without a lot of work. I am sure he still has love for me, also. It's been almost a year since the breakup. I still watch videos because they are very educational in understanding attachment issues. I am unwilling to go through the pain a second time, and am moving on with my life without him.

You're a gem. No wonder she came back. Blessings to you and on your precious relationship.

Why would you want to get an Avoidant Ex partner back? They may change for a short time, but they always go back to their avoidant personality. It just becomes a cycle.

I'm glad your story worked out, and I sincerely hope it continues to stay good. I wished mine worked out too until I saw him enter a new relationship less than a month after we broke up.

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

Thank you so much for sharing the experience. Need to hear more about the outcomes of doing no contact.

Thanks for this video. It provides a workable alternative to other ' cut them off' vidoes . Be blessed

Going through no contact so far I got through the first month. I’m trying to keep busy and work on myself. It’s been hard not to text or call him but it’s slowly getting easier.

This is a great video. I think my ex and I will likely take the same path so it gives me hope... and honestly I'm really anticipating and looking forward to the relationship being much better and stronger. I had already come to the conclusion that would be the case because the first time around was such a dumpster fire lol (on both sides, we were both tripping over our baggage and each other's baggage... sighhhh). Thank you so much for sharing your experience!

Thank you for this. I came across your video at the beginning of my NC. I found them day 1 and learning about this has helped me understand better. I was feeling severely depressed today and this helped. Not because I hope we get back together but because I am trying to work on myself and be better.

That is a very positive story Charlie, probably the first positive one I've heard of an anxious avoidant style getting back with an avoidant. My avoidant (I am of an anxious style) ghosted me 6 months ago out of the blue after a 4 mo. relationship. I really should have noticed the signs beforehand but refused to give up. I somehow think this short term relationship is may not be enough for him to come back. I had just started dating after my husband passed away 6 years prior. I always showed him true love and caring the whole time, but he kept pushing me away. I did write a couple of e mails, texts and even sent him a song but nothing worked. I still think of him but I have begun to date someone else . Your video was great, but if my relationship was one sided this whole time I am ready to accept the fact that I have to live without him. Once again, thank you for this video, out of all the ones I've seen from different youtubers, this one does give people hope.

Voice is calming my man

I love your video, bro God bless you and your relationship

I am happy for you!

Excellent advice and bravo to you for doing the work . Thanks for sharing ❤.

I think you need to understand why the avoidant is the way they are, and they need to too. Often it goes back to childhood and this needs to be faced to improve. If there is denial the cycle of contact and non contact will continue. If you have compassion for the reasoning, and they work on this with therapy, when they go quiet it is easier not to panic and carry on. I completely agree with working on yourself. When you first meet an avoider I think you become anxious but you can get back to secure. If you can do this the time of no contact gets shorter and eventually trust on both sides bonds the connection. It takes viewing from the outside (like a Birds Eye view) to see the issues on both sides.

Good stuff thank you

no contact is the absolute best way to get your ex back...its hard but she will come back if you stay away

I've been in no contact for a few months and although I still have feelings for my ex, it's become clear to me why the relationship ended. I was the one who made all the adjustments to fit her needs and now that we're apart, my needs have once again become important to me. She briefly reached out to me about a week ago but not sure getting back together is in the cards for either of us. I'm dating people now who are a better match and I think I'll be happier with someone else in the future. Not sure what might happen if she eventually comes back but changes would have to be made and I don't think she's capable of that.

Thanks so much for you're story. So envious of you. Wish my FA would come back. Sadly, I don't think I'll every see her again. So very, very sad 21 months post breakup.

My ex is an avoidants that hates losing control... No contact helped me grow.. gain confidence and love myself more

Did you get them to talk about what they would change to make sure the same things didn’t break you up again? Did you introduce them to their attachment style somehow they could work on theirs?

Sounds like an oxymoron. I went no contact with an avoidant it's been 3 years of no contact. I guess I'll post another update next to confirm there is still 😅 no sign of him.

It is so hard doing this... I feel falling apart..

I got stonewalled on our anniversary then dumped by getting removed off everything shortly after. I was blocked immediatelly and stayed blocked for 5 months, then i got unblocked for 2 and now im blocked again on everything. All this time, not a single word, like i dont exist. It hurts so much

4:55 or so. Christ I’ve been there. I think we were on the phone and I started tearing up and we decided maybe talking in person was the solution. I sent her a story (I’m an amateur writer, what can I say 🤷, I’ll be straight forward in the future) and she touched on every one of my insecurities. It was right before spring break and I think I cried and obsessed over her the entire week. I wanted to ‘atone to her and God’ (Christ I was so emotional, Jesus.) and told her as much. That was some 4 months ago now. If I see her it’ll probably be like no time passed at all, and if not, I’m not too opposed to having someone I can miss in my life.

Did she get into a rebound or date other people during the breakup?

Sounds like a new buzz word - Avoidant 😂

I went no contact and didn’t work. Now it’s been 20 months and nothing. Not like I was sitting around waiting but nonetheless still nothing. Safe to say she’s not coming back. But I know this was a possibility when I went no contact. I stand by my decision to go no contact. She ghosted me and under this particular circumstance it was unacceptable.

Great video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

I dated this guy for 7 months and he promised marriage and I thought he was serious about me based on how he treated me, but then I learned that he went around and pretended to be single all this time he was dating me. I broke up with him after 7 months of dating because he fooled me all this time. I wonder if he will ever regret doing this to me. He's blocked me everywhere, he's been avoiding me and my questions. I wonder if he will ever come back and apologise

He broke us up 2 months ago but would text me every few weeks and it would lead to sex talk and how much he missed it but no intention of returning and resolving anything. So I sent him a video of me crying and telling him how difficult it had been for me, then I went into no contact. It was not to manipulate him back but to not let him get away so easily without seeing my pain. I felt so used. I really just want to move on now.

wow, 7-8 months... i am at 6 months since the breakup, first 3 we just kept the snapchat streak but no chat, then total silence. Reached out a month ago and she seemed ok with meeting up, but i rushed and then i said what i actually wanted and she said that "at this moment i am not thinking about this option"... I thought that after 6 months things should've been different, but apparently not. On the other hand, she muted my stories but keeps looking with a fake account (before i reached out), which i find odd, but i really want to detach and go on with my life. Tbh i have no hope that we will cross paths again, but who knows. She knows that im working on myself, went to therapy and all that, so i am not just sitting around and waiting.

So how do we handle an ex that after no contact comes back very strongly and emotionally? Do we reject them? It’s hard not to give in and dive back in to the relationship

So you're saying the Avoidant healed their attachment issues and trauma? I find that difficult to believe in 7 or 8 months their attachment was healed. Or were you anxious to get back with them?

My ex partner said he didn’t want to be friends and his actions pretty much show he despises me. He’s so cold and distant. My last effort was I asked if we could just have a nice dinner somewhere , no agenda, he chooses the place and my treat, he said no… that was my last attempt. Now we are full on no contact bc of course he doesn’t talk to me… doubt he’ll come around … right?

Sweet dear… being bi or gay is ok, but thanx for the vids

I think that my ex is an avoidant, it’s now been 2 weeks and 3 days since we broke up and last friday she blocked me on instagram after I posted a picture of my team winning on my story. I have been in no contact and I feel really confused why she has blocked me even though i have not reached out to her.

Yeah but did she sleep with others while you parted....the reason I asked is ,there are alot of women who say we were on a break ...it's not a break if she broke it off to try out others....I believe you can take any ex back as long as you didn't sleep around and neither did she...if you either have then your second best...I hope for you she didn't sleep around...

Did your ex date someone new quickly after you broke up? My dismissive avoidant ex started dating someone 2 months after he ghosted me (and we were planning on being engaged this year)… It’s been 6 months now since the breakup, and as far as I know, he is still with her. It’s still incredibly painful for me.

Interesting story! I recently went to visit my ex - we have been apart for just under a year. She moved back to Spain and I stayed in the UK but we have been in regular contact. Neither of us were ready to let go. In Feb this year she asked if we had a future together - I said I saw myself with her but to be with her would mean that I would have to give up everything (house etc) to move out to Spain and start a life out there. It all seemed too much so I said that I couldn't do it. About 3 weeks past of no contact and she started messaging me again, we were still chatting the way we were before. Fast forward to the start of May and she said she missed me, so I asked if she'd like me to go and spend a few days with her in Spain. We spoke about the trip and she said it was best to have no expectations and I said I would go as friends when she asked me why I was going. In reality I wanted to see her as more but I didnt know how I would feel for sure so I didnt tell her. I didnt ask what she would like me to go as. We both agreed we'd be happy to see each other regardless. I went to see her and we were having a great time but 2 days into the trip I found out she was going to see someone else in the USA on the same day I was leaving. When we were organising the trip she had said she was going travelling but hadn't said where. In the end I discovered she was going to see another guy who was a "friend" that she had met earlier this year. Obviously I was devestated and I just shut down and tried to squash my feelings but the reality is that I fell in love with her on the visit and I had gone to get back with her but not told her. She asked me again what the situation was but I just couldn't tell her how I felt my head was all over the place. She went to the USA and spent 6 days with this guy, didn't stay with him as far as I know but when I told her how i felt on her return she said she had moved on and got "closer to him and didn't expect it because he was just a friend". I am so confused because the 4 days we had together everything was really good and I had plans when she visits the UK in July to tell her how I felt, and have her stay with me. Obviously the way I have dealt with this feels very reactionary to her but it was the last night we spent together that made me feel like it could work. The night was perfect we had an amazing time. Now I've told her how I feel she says she feels totally overwhelmed and weve been no contact for 10 days. I am completely lost, I feel played but also feel like we are both confused and have done things because we were unable to truly communicate our feelings. What should I do?

100

No contact can be seen as manipulation to get the person back. The distance is good because it helps you get over the person. My avoidant refuses to talk and live in the same neighborhood, go to the same church and are part of the same club.

Mine came back and rejected me again after an event that we had together .

Unpopular opinion. People label others as ‘avoidant’ when in fact they just didn’t want you enough. I bet that same person will come across someone they will call the avoidant one.

I love you ❤️