When you Realize: "WAIT... I'm the Problem?!" | C.S. Lewis | The Trouble with "X" 

When I first read your comment, I was confused - and then I started thinking “they are prob just being funny/snarky” - (and perhaps you are 😉 ) - but now I’m thinking, “that’s a good/interesting take of CSL’s message”… ie, focus on my own faults/issues, instead of blaming X, which gives me more control over solving the ‘problem.’ Anyway, thanks for commenting… I’d love to know if I’m not understanding you correctly ;)

don't be part of the problem, become problem for the problem

🤣

No one said it would be easy or worth it.

@@HughesJay The OG commenter is making a reference to a popular joke 😅

Thanks for sharing Joe - and I agree that the vast majority of the time when we are bothered or ‘disturbed’ by the words/actions of others, that the best thing to do is to self-reflect and find the things which are broken/warped in ourselves. Those moments provide an opportunity to practice Jesus’ exhortation to ‘remove the log from our own eye before trying to extract the speck from the other person’s.’ Only reason I said ‘majority of the time’ is because (as I’m sure you’d agree) there are situations where the other person’s actions are harmful/abusive… for anyone in that type of situation, I want to encourage them to seek help from others and protect themselves from future abuse. God doesn’t want us to allow someone to hurt/abuse us.

@@HughesJay Yes I absolutely agree. my mantra is not to say the other person is "NOT" wrong, only that we are better served to fix ourselves than try to fix another. We should always remove ourselves from abusive situations and people and give them to God to fix. Part of that self reflection is to recognize that and love ourselves and God enough to step aside and let him do his work. Too many people confuse love and kindness with enabling sadly.

I think the same thing Joe.

Or, become hopelessly depressed because we can't change them...

@@joeshawcroft7121 - agreed, and well said Joe. I felt highly confident we were saying the same thing… there’d been a few comments prior to yours from folks who had (rightly) pointed out the potential danger of listening to CSL’s message and thinking they need to overlook acts of abuse being committed by “X” - I’ve tried to add that disclaimer into some of these other comments with the hopes that the message gets through. Appreciate your engagement on this Vid and sharing your ‘mantra’ w/ folks. ✅

beautiful

Profound and wonderful comment.

My first thought when opening this video was, "I don't know you, and I don't care to know you. "

@tammy blaylock they are not flaws. They are part of you… it’s your decision to use them wisely.

The 'law' is both blessing and a curse - you learn it's truth either way you live/walk. The 'suffering servant' is the picture of a 'sinner's walk'... yet serves to prove the promises of the curses as a warning. The blessings - rain - will also be on the good and the bad.

@kwall1464 >>> Well said… I need the Lord’s help with this daily… appreciate you sharing ✅

It's beautiful when you realise it. Truly. It's like heaven realising I am wrong and feel good about it.

It's one of those things everyone hears (or thinks) at some point, but few make actual use of. But you, you got this 💪

You’re def not the only one! Thankfully God loves us despite our faults, mistakes, and sins… and He eagerly wants us to own our sin. and turn from it - to Him… leaving our shame behind. I need His help daily with this process!

Apology accepted. In speaking on behalf of God there. Now stop creating suffering.

The conviction of sin that you feel is the work of God's law upon your conscious, which leads to repenting for your sins to God toward whom you've ultimately sinned against, now turn and belive in the life, death and resurrection of His Beloved son as your only means of right standing before God and your sins will be forgiven, your conscious put at peace, and you will become a child of God.

I feel the same. But I know that repentance does not mean just saying sorry. It means allowing Jesus to transform our thinking and turning away from sin and not continuing in it.

When you see another person doing something you disapprove of you might say: "he should be ashamed"; but then you realise they are only in the grip of a temporary urge, that they are in a real sense 'asleep'. The feeling of condemnation miraculously subsides into, perhaps, compassion. This same compassion can with equal justification be applied to one's 'sleeping' self old chap.

Yes... I am def an 'X" in many people's lives. Re judging I agree we're at least not supposed to judge until we've "removed the log from our own eye" (Matt 7:5) When we do that, then we can see (more) clearly the speck in the other person's eye, and be able to ACTUALLY help them with it. God give me to the Grace to do this well... or at least better.

You’re aren’t supposed to judge unless you hold yourself to the same judgement. A spiritual man judges all things. Godly judgement is a big part of discernment.

That's why God calls us to look only at Him for our focus, not others and not ourselves. People will disappoint and disgust us but God is perfect.

great point.

👍👍👍

I feel it's a matter of perspective. If I love myself and others then other people's "faults", or mine, are not problems or indeed faults at all; rather the "faults" become the particular idiosyncrasies that make others (or me) unique and loveable. And if I see other's "faults", or mine, as the particular idiosyncrasies that make others, or me, unique and loveable; then I become more able to love others, and myself. In a way, if I take a perspective that "faults" are not a problem but are, rather, particular loveable idiosyncrasies, then, in my world at least, there is no problem. But I find I have to love, to be able to see it that way. I find it hard a lot of the time, but it does makes it easier for me to be around other people; or indeed to be alone, by myself.

If you’re seeing other’s faults more clearly, then I have some news for you: you’re not removing faults from your own life but rather adding them.

😁❤

God has done that with me too. He tries to give us the medicine we need to move forward. Sometimes it doesn't taste good.

Synchronicity

yutube is an answer to your prayers???? that speaks poorly of the god you pray to.

@@briancaldwell6799 God answers in many ways. Who are you to judge? And, that’s not what he said.

Indeed! Lord help us to hear you, turn from our sin, and run to you! You always “stand at the door and knock” - eager for us to open it and let you in! (Rev 3:20) - thanks Judy.

Yesss! Freeing…I love that…so true. It’s like permission to finally focus on oneself and “get better all freeking ready”😻

Know thyself

We’ve got to be pretty honest when we look at ourselves. I suppose this is the point. We are currently surrounded by a culture of ‘self’ which is poisoning our teenagers mental health and doing nothing for spiritual growth.

True, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with abuse because you also have a mote in your eye. This notion could, and does, lead to emotional and physical abuse. Oh, if I was just a better wife, he wouldn't beat me. Work on yourself for sure, but get the abuser out of your life. We aren't god, and we CAN get away from them.

Agree with you 100% - and CSL would agree with what you are saying as well (he spells this out in other books/essays he wrote). This is a very important point and I’m thankful you brought it up.

Jay Hughes. I believe you. Where did Lewis write these?

Frank - "I enjoy blaming X"

Matthew 12. Talk to them. Talk to a mutual friend. Talk to the pastor. Cut them out. Anything less than this is unchristian.

Sometimes it really is your ex though.😅

It's profoundly wrong. Jesus commanded us to admit our faults and hold eachother accountable. England has followed these teachings. This is morality for women, not men. There is nothing wrong with being a woman or behaving in such a way.

@@fasted8468 I don't understand what you're trying to communicate. I didn't hear anything to suggest we're not supposed to admit our faults or hold each other accountable. Did you listen to the whole of this recording? What is "morality for women"?

The leaves do not curse the wind for blowing them off the tree.

Here-Hear. . . . . .

Ok now im wondering if im actually a narcissistic pathological liar and im just projecting my guilt by explaining how I wasn't the problem.

Read the Screwtape Letters!

@Camiden7806 - apologize for not seeing your comment sooner... I'm glad you found this CS Lewis piece encouraging... God has used CSL in my life to mold and shape me - that is for sure. If you use Audible, you would probably love this resource, it's called "C.S. Lewis Essay Collection and Other Short Pieces" - here's the link to it on Amazon: a.co/d/at4EQhS - it has the "The Trouble with X" essay, and over 100 other CSL works... it is an absolute treasure. Blessings - j

For those interested in the Jordan Peterson video and comment that @camden7806 mentioned: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-EXYzO95XU20.html

@@HughesJay Jordan peterson has been a voice for those who deny Christ's importance for some time. He places more importance on the old testament than the new, and as such is popular either prager, Shapiro, netanyahu, etc. He is intelligent and has great advice. He's just incomplete.

you are the only one who can change yourself? have you forgotten tha CHRIST is the only one who can change you for the better

Voltaire said: "Everything in moderation, including moderation!" The wise sage offers advice on one aspect of life, like a single thread. The challenge is to weave the disparate standards together in a way that compliments the whole you are.

Well said Micky ✅

Sarah - I agree that we can make both errors... Always Blaming Others - or - Always Blaming Self... neither are healthy. For me, I tend to error more by blaming "X", but I've fallen into the trap of blaming myself and nursing self-pity. I def need God's help with both issues (and many MANY other issues as well!)

Excellent post. As an introvert I agree 100%

@@HughesJay Don't judge yourself. Blame is for suckers. Read some Brene Brown.

Agree with you… very well said. I love the verse you shared, Rom 12:18… in its entirety, it really emphasizes your point, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” - I think that’s what CSL is saying as well, though he is highlighting the more common relational circumstance of dealing with an “X” in your life who is broken and flawed (just like all of us) but who isn’t necessarily a pathological narcissist. In all situations, God calls us to own our own issues and flaws, and do what we can to live at peace with those around us.

You totally got the message, I blame everyone else too. The reason the sun is good is because of them, the reason the sun is bad is because of them. What is the condition of our world? Is that subjective or objective? Parable of the Chinese Farmer by Alan Watts, seems one way today, seems the opposite tomorrow. Why should it make sense, there is no why.

Yes you can... it' called, "Let the Dead bury the Dead."

@@uhadme - actually there is a 'why'. The key is in Isaiah 45:7 (kjv) look at what God 'creates'... and we are to 'work' the garden. IF we judge, we cause hurts, hurts become angers (simple defense mechanism) and anger is a cancer that causes the 'other' Kingdom to 'appear'. The kingdom that was born of the 'desert' - brother against brother (right) hand judging (left) hand. My channel has some teachings. Shalom.

@@chriswhitaker2443 ….Neither do I and I hope there is none. Some people are unbearable.

how high he would fly if he was a Taoist instead

I just prayed for you. Don't despair. I think you write well. Perhaps you can turn that into a source of income. Also, even if you can accomplish nothing else in this world, you can love your daughter and pray for her. And if you look for them, you will find others who need your love and prayers. I, for one, would be honored and blessed to have you pray for me.

@@davidmackie3497 thank you for your words. It's almost 11pm, and I'm lying on my couch in significant pain. Sometimes I don't even know what keeps me going. I still have hope, even though I have little reason for it. Perhaps God blessed me with an optimistic outlook, despite all evidence to the contrary. All that said, I would ruin my daughter's future if I took my life. Since I love her more than anything in this world, I'm willing to keep going, just so that never happens.

Hello brother. I am sorry for your pain and grief, physical, mental, relational... How deeply awful. I want to encourage you that although it may seem you're buried under a heavy pile of the worst life can offer, I strongly believe that the hope you have in Christ will not dissapoint you. God loved you while you were his enemy, he loves you now while you are struggling, and he has prepared glorious things ahead for you. I have been in a similar place to you, with a body utterly broken by chronic illness, and a mind like a war zone with me continually feeling I was down to my last bullet. From that wretched place God has brought my mind into somewhere that much more resembles a peaceful garden, and while my body remains broken, there is life flowing in and through it. You have a precious daughter whose faithful love for you can be a reminder that light is still there though days have been dark- what a kind gift from a God who loves and sees you! I am sure that God desires to flood your whole life with his light, to bring you his peace for any circumstance, and fill you with meaning that's not dependent on what you achieve- as he has done for me. Your journey will be different to mine but my prayer for you is that as you seek him wholeheartedly you will receive *all* you need for life and holines. Ask him to show you the one thing at a time that you can do to bring his light in. God will give you the strength to do it and grace for when it's too much. Blessings to you. :)

Well it’s next week, and it’s already better. You have touched the hearts of many souls with your story. There are people out there that could use a voice and as already stated by someone else, you seem very able to fill that niche, you have a really poignant prose. Perhaps a book of short stories, or a book of an interest of yours? There are apps that you can dictate to, if you find writing tedious. I find music to be a balm for life’s ailments, it reawakens the spirit. Perhaps also a cat that you and your daughter could share, and could be a companion at times. Joining a community center, might also be up your alley if you are of a social nature. There are things like acupuncture that you can explore to ease the pain you are experiencing. We are all rooting for you, so know that you have people behind you, wishing and hoping for the best in you, and for you. Put on some music. And have a super start to the rest of your life!

Thank you so much for opening up and sharing such deep, personal struggles. You may not know how many hearts you have touched. We are praying for you. We pray the Lord will show you His plans for you to glorify Him. You have a sound mind. You are sensitive. You are articulate. You are a good and loving father. You are an overcomer. You are also a son of the most High God. You are able to be a blessing to others. I pray the Lord gives you the wisdom to discover all your gifts and the courage to claim them. You are not alone. You are greatly loved. ❤

Nice! What have you read of CSL so far?

@@HughesJay so far I’ve read The Screwtape Letters, the Great Divorce and I just started Mere Christianity

That's great... hope you enjoy MC - I've read and listened to that book in my life more than any other, regardless of author... it's been an absolute treasure.

This is one of his worst teachings, he is very thoughtful and intelligent and right very often. This is an example of what he is wrong about. Morality is a never ending fight, and you can see England has fallen apart taking advice just like this.

@@fasted8468 you gotta remember he was writing to a completely different world at the time:/ You are correct, that NOW is the time to stand up (especially if you are in the EU…), however, there are times when maybe we take the wrong “step” before standing up? Perhaps when we take our stand, it looks funny to others because of the way we stand (or that they cannot imagine why anyone would stand when we live in a world that “sits”). I 100% see what you’re saying and generally agree, but to say that he is “wrong,” I would have to firmly say that, perhaps it’s HOW you’re applying his advice and not the advice itself (Or perhaps the advice is just simply for a different crowd).

You bet Joel - glad you enjoyed it - obviously all credit to CSL… all I did was take a few min to upload ;)

This is a great CSL resource on Audible: a.co/d/eqIIGwR - it has “The Trouble with ‘X’” as well as 100+ additional CSL essays, stories, etc. It really is an amazing collection, and all for the cost of just one Audible credit.

You bet - glad you found it helpful.

“FREEING” = YES… agree 100% - thanks for sharing. I feel most free when I’m simply being honest with myself and God about who I am… warts and all… and rejoicing in the fact that God still loves me - Infinitely. Freedom in Jesus and His Love.

Jesus actually gave a precise dealing with people p e who sin against you. You Talk to them. Talk to a friend. Talk to a church leader and invite them. It's Matthew 12. This is the opposite of Christ's teachings. This is why we have stagnated to the point we have

​@Fast Ed do you mean C. S. Lewis gave the opposite of Christ's teachings or the commentator?

The first time through this was hard. I will listen again. Many good things are challenging.

@@fasted8468 u don’t do this in home This is for friends or extended family

Thanks for mentioning the GKC “I am” story… I’ve always LOVES that. As an aside, I recently read that GKC’s reply to the newspaper’s question “what’s wrong with the world” was likely a smaller part of a longer answer. I’ve def not investigated fully, but for those interested, here’s a short post that provided me with some helpful context/info: dbts.edu/2019/03/18/the-real-story-of-chestertons-answer-to-what-is-wrong-with-the-world/

@@HughesJay Great Brother I'll read that !

We do not understand - well we didn't until I have a THEODICY - the 'nature' and 'need' for there to be 'evil'. Evil allows God's perfect law to be broken - and that is then were 'grace and mercy' come from - and why Jesus said to fish from the 'other side' (of the same boat). Paul was misunderstood for this perspective of the law - (abounding grace is NOT good). Once you grasp this 'view' - your vision of our world will change, and like me, bare a heavy burden of HOW can I open more eyes.

Great comment Chris… I feel like that a lot when I’m reading/listening to CSL - he does a great job of “bringing things down to the lower shelf” for me 🤓

@@HughesJay Great expression about the “lower shelf” which I’m definitely on. Bless you both you and CSL for having long arms… or perhaps standing on those “shoulders of giants” I keep hearing about. Peace!

Jesus was always so shallow and straight to the point. Choose who you will follow

​@@fasted8468 Shallow?

@@fasted8468 Jesus was never "shallow." Some of his parables were very confusing for his hearers, and some still give scholars problems today. "For them who have ears to hear, let him hear."

@@UnclePengy fair enough.

Agreed Kathryn… it’s a great exhortation CSL wrote at the end… it’s like a prayer, that God would help us to CONTINUALLY put ourselves in His Hands, allowing Him do the work in our hearts necessary to become more like Jesus.

THANK YOU for this comment… I agree that a person in a truly abusive relationship/situation could potentially misunderstand CSL and think he is encouraging people to not confront that evil… I know from other CSL writings that he is most certainly NOT advocating that. Among other things, it would be unloving to allow someone to abuse you… that’s not good/healthy for the abuser to sin in that way - and obviously it’s incredibly hurtful, unhealthy, etc., for the one being abused. Really do appreciate you bringing this up though… it’s super Important. I have more I’d like to say, but can’t at the moment - maybe I can add a bit more to this later tonight.

As someone who was rescued from an abusive marriage by the grace of God, I see what you’re saying. But part of MY recovery, as a codependent person who is very apt to accept abuse and maybe even see it as love, I’ve had to gradually learn the part I play. I can’t change the abuser and I’m not responsible for their behavior. The only person I can control is myself. So I have to be brutally honest with myself about my flaws and ask God to heal me. Not that I or anyone deserves abuse, but why do I accept it? And what can be healed in me so I fulfill the purpose God has for me? These concepts are actually very similar to what is taught in AA and Al-Anon. I have to stop trying to control everyone else and work on the only person I can - me. I can’t control what others do or how they see me or treat me. It’s not my job or even my right. And this is actually very freeing! Just as God doesn’t force us to be better, we can’t force others either. We have to choose. And when we do, his grace and mercy rain down upon us. He gently begins to convict us of our own shortcomings and to help us to choose better and be better. And here is the really miraculous part - when you pray for those who have abused you, lied about you, etc., God will change your heart towards them and he may even change their heart towards you. This doesn’t mean you have to stay with the abuser or let the abuser back into your life. Boundaries are important! But the real battle is in the spirit. As the Bible says: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬ I can testify to this! When I stopped trying to fix everything and everyone on my own. When I asked God to heal me and take away my bitterness and heal my trauma. When I prayed for my abuser and those who persecuted me, miracles happened. The love of God gave me new eyes to see. He gave me a new heart to feel. New ears to hear and his words to say. I’m not perfect. I mess up all the time, but if he can change my heart so dramatically that I don’t feel hatred for the man who made my life feel like a horror movie, and in fact, I now feel love and mercy towards him, he can work any miracle! Like I said, I keep good boundaries with him, but when I have to interact with him for our children’s sake, it is peaceful! It’s a miracle and only the work of God. I was not capable on my own. Jesus is my sustainer. He carries me through each day. As a single mother of 4, working 2 jobs to make it through, I will testify to the power and love of Jesus. Without him, I would be in the pits of hell. With him, I get to share his love, peace, joy, and hope with others: my children, people at the grocery store where I work, friends and family… I was a wretch and I wished for death every day so I could escape the pain. Oh, but God! Praise be to him. He is healing me and giving me new life every day.

Amén and thank you very very much. Glory to TMH!

@@rebeccablankenship4710 This is such a beautiful testimony! Thank you for sharing. May your life continue to express God’s unconditional and bounteous Love.

@@PreciousElegance thank you! God bless you, my friend!

Thx for sharing Mel 👍🏼

Agreed Kim… every time I read/listen to CSL I’m in awe of how he was able to take big, difficult, complex issues, and bring things down “to the lower shelf” so people like me can reach the concepts and understand… he really was gifted with a brilliant mind, and he used it to help so many people.

Yes... it def can for me too... but hopefully in a somewhat positive way - i.e., a way that inspires us to move in a different/better direction.

@ Hope I hear you. I live in Japan. In my culture, compromising reconciliation for a false peace is the norm. People who don’t fit in get quietly and gradually ostracized. They can ask, “what’s wrong with me?” And want to change but to “keep peace” nobody will say. But those ostracized don’t have recourse. Even mentioning being ostracized is a way to get further ostracized. Even ostracized people who create clubs for ostracized people will gradually ostracize members for the sake of cohesion.

Jesus grieved others. He even drove them out with whips. Zbe more like Jesus and less like Clive staples lewis.

@@fasted8468 Go learn the differences about righteous wrath and sinful wrath. You lack wisdom with your mockery.

@@michelferreira9695 read matthew 18. Jesus says 4 things to deal with people who sin against you. Take it up with Him if you disagree.

@@fasted8468 I don't disagree with Mathew 18 and certainly this essay from CS Lewis also don't disagree with Jesus and the New Testament in any particular part. You should reconsider to try to deeply understand what Lewis piece of writing meant before going on people's comments trying to lecture others. It's clear that you lack textual understanding, and you should refrain from putting yourself in a position of lecturing others. There's a context in which CS Lewis used the term "grieving" that should be restrained against others, and certainly Jesus righteous wrath towards the merchants on the temple has nothing to do with that. I suggest you stop bothering people and meditate about the Works of the Flesh and the Fruits of Spirit. It's not healthy to go to people's comment with this kind of mockery.

I’m not 100% sure what you’re trying to say, some of it is phrased in a way that is slightly confusing for me to understand. I’m not sure what your point is. That’s a me problem I know, but if I understood it as you saying that we should express shame and self-loathing more and not see it as something bad but rather something useful, as self-esteem and confidence you believe has made people disconnect from the reality of their sins, then my opinion on it is this ; Self loathing and shame definitely deserves the bad press it’s getting and should never be something we uphold for ourselves in our society as a way to keep us grounded, humble and able to be introspective. You’re mistaking Self-esteem and Confidence with narcissism and pride. We have to have esteem and confidence in ourselves and our abilities to be able to move forward in life and do what God has called us to do and be who we were meat to be. Without that (among other things) you will go nowhere in life. Being a self-loather doesn’t make you somehow more virtuous and having self-esteem doesn’t make you disconnect from the reality of your sins. Self-loathing and shame is literally you internalizing how the devil feels about you, through using people around you to tell you for him. BUUUTTT…. If that’s not what you meant then please dismiss this whole novel of a comment and have a blessed day/evening/night 😅 Here’s a 🍪 and 🧁 for making it to the end 😊

Michael, agreed... CSL is absolutely brilliant

Thx Steve - I think another Taylor Swift fan mentioned that in a comment as well 👍🏼 - appreciate you sharing

No you're not, it's exactly in line with what C.S. Lewis said. In your case being too hard on yourself could be the problem. You might think it a good quality, or an indicator of your humility or selflessness. Just as Lewis said, you're blind to the problem even though people have been telling about it to you.

@sandman - appreciate your comment, and agree, as I am often very hard on myself as well... but I've found, even when I'm blaming myself, I'm often ALSO blaming "X"... tho I may not be sharing that blame with them, or with anyone. Instead, I can find myself talking TO myself about "X", and often that turns into nursing a grudge against "X"... but doing this AS I'm also blaming myself. Anyway, it may be different for you, but thought I'd mention it... I think a key in all this is to ask God for help in identifying our own faults and mistakes - the ones we can TRULY take ownership of - No More, No Less. We can ask God for forgiveness, and then move forward with Him, with His help, in trying to grow and improve in how we Love Others... and leave our guilt, self-loathing, self-pity behind, knowing God loves and forgives us for our mistakes.

Sounds a lot like AA but that's the only program I'm familiar with.

@@ChristinaFromRU-vid All 12 step programs are born from AA.

@@johnkrause8247 yup AA is the originator

Cosham did such a great job w/ his CSL work - ‘easy on the ears’ ✅