As a therapist and parent i just wanted to pop in to say, individual differences are so important to remember. Especially with multiple children, not every montessori strategy will work with every child. Especially if dealing with developmental or sensory issues, certain things might need more or less parent intervention. Every child is different and it's so important to keep the core principles in mind. Follow your child! A lot of parents after their first child think they have a lot figured out- and you do- but each child will give a whole new set of challenges, interests, coping strategies, sensory needs etc. You don't win anything for being a "perfect parent"..... you gain a great relationship with your kids for being the best you can for them. The nature of parenting is growth, so always expect to change and adapt ❤
Wow this comment was stellar! We have been able to use Montessori methods for her room, for play time, and some other things. But, she has sensory issues around foodand so the Montessori path was not working for us or her in that arena.
It’s important to remember the foundation of Montessori in the early 1900s was first implemented with children of developmental learning disabilities. Maria Montessori’s philosophy was to the follow the child. I would say that Montessori philosophy is one of the few parenting/education philosophies that individual differences are celebrated.
@@ShaniSunshine totally agree. A lot of people don't go to the source though and get caught up on the aesthetics, the 'stuff', and the more prescriptive milestone/age related activities. It's not surprising since most people learn about montessori through social media which really highlights either the home setup and often by extension the privledge of wealth and time by the parents or it highlights the precociousness of their children leading people to think you must be rich and have gifted children to follow montessori philosophy. In reality, like you said, Maria Montessori worked primarily with poor children, many of whom had special needs. The central tenet of "follow the child" often gets lost in all the diy work activities and child sized objects to be purchased or discussions of whether to allow fantasy or not.
Thank you so much for this comment. My child was neurodivergent before we had any idea about what that was, and it meant that he came to things in his own time and often in his own way. And boy does everyone else like to give parents advice, when they have no idea what it’s like to parent your specific child. so please remember this when seeing someone else parent and give them grace.
OP, you basically described the ethos of Montessori in your first comment. It's supposed to be adaptable to the child and recognise that one size doesn't fit all
The imagery of a baby dropping things because they're figuring out how physics work was so mind-numbingly cute I got teary eyed 😭 they're really just testing things out
As a person with a trauma filled childhood, it is healing to see parents who are this dedicated to the wellbeing of their child, and the science behind that well-being. Also also I love that you're sharing your experiences of parenting without putting your child's face on camera/forcing them to participate in videos.
It's funny how my parents didn't aim to raise me with any particular approach in mind and yet a lot of what Jessica describes applies to my childhood. To be fair, some of these things are just because we were poor. Like, my parents couldn't afford to baby proof stuff so they had to let me explore.
As a former Montessori student I love that you're sharing this! I am who I am today due to my early childhood education at a Montessori school. If I have kids I'd want to give them that same experience
my parents didn’t follow a specific parenting method but it’s interesting to me when I see gentle parenting content because it aligns pretty much exactly with how my parents raised me. they always held space for my emotions and didn’t punish me for them, and they paid attention to my interests and encouraged and facilitated my pursuit of them. for example I loved books and arts and crafts so we did a weekly library visit and had an “arts and crafts cupboard” that was full of materials I could use any time I wanted. they always did their best to meet my needs regardless of if their methods seemed unconventional to others. the result is that I never doubted how loved and supported I was by them. growing up my friends LOVED my parents, felt safe in my house, and many said they wished my parents were theirs too. I’ve faced various struggles throughout my life but home has always been my safe place and I’ve always known I could count on my parents to be there for me. and I have a great relationship with them now at 26 (which is just as well because I still live with them due to disability). so to any gentle parents out there, don’t listen to the haters. parents have been gentle parenting for generations, just without the name, and the world has not collapsed into an apocalyptic wasteland of entitled brats because of it.
Im not a parent, but i am part of the village that helps raise other kids (cousins, niblings, etc) and i love hearing about this content in order to become a good mentor and caretaker for them! ❤
There's definitely a step before this for many people - knowing themselves better, through therapy or raising your self-awareness in other ways. So many people become parents with the understanding that they will 'just' do it better than their own parents do. But unless a person deals with any trauma they might have had because of their parental relationships, their brain will overrule them no matter how well-intentioned a person is. Lovely to hear of your pre-parenthood reading sessions :)
That's true. That's one of the huge benefits of having kids later in life - you have time to figure yourself out, deal with your own issues, time to learn not to stress out about certain things etc. My parents would have been absolutely awful if they'd had children in their 20s, they both had so many issues.... But at 40, they were both more sure of themselves and secure in life and did a pretty good job raising two kids.
As a doula who has "left the fold" for having the audacity to look for evidence based solutions and providing my clients with the actual research (it's the physical act of breastfeeding that builds new neural pathways, for example....not the breast milk) so they can make fully informed decisions about what is best for **their** family.... I really appreciate you breaking this into what is doable for people who are already parents, what is "purist" Montessori (and why that might be problematic), and how a lot of her observations have now been validated by scientific research. So... THANK YOU!
@@jeanbb3283 OMG, there is so much research that was going on in England before the midwife spearheading the study passed away from cancer. There was another European researcher that became interested, and some of the fMRI showing the increase in blood flow around key memory areas during the physical act (even when a supplemental tube of formula was needed) were really cool to evaluate! Completely different than bottlefed blood flow, and different sections of the brain engaged during bottle feeding (even when the bottle was full of pumped breast milk). I found the first, smaller study in 2012, after I was looking for validation of Dr Jack Newman's research and Brian Palmer's (DDS) research showing the correlation between bottle feeding and obstructive sleep apnea. I was waiting for the rest of the research to be released, and found out that the lead midwife had passed away due to cancer. The key words in Google search for peer-reviewed research were "breastfeeding and attachment in the adopted child"
I homeschool and while I use parts of Montessori, I have adapted it. My son has autism level 3. Sensory seeking means he bites furniture (even at 9 years old). He climbs things he shouldn’t and he does need to be told ‘no’ a lot. Please note that you can ‘adapt’ any parenting/teaching theory to suit YOUR family needs. There’s no one telling you to do it 100% one way. ❤
5:23 she was right about many things, and wrong in some ways. For example, when Montessori was developing her theories, it was generally accepted that flavorful food would make you crazy and immoral. This was such a highly accepted notion that the British banned Irish stew and other flavorful foods in their conquered lands, believing it would help to "civilize" the natives. I haven't read any Montessori books myself, but my roommate has and says that yeah, this particular idea about diet is just assumed in them. Meanwhile, it turns out exposing small children to lots of flavors and foods helps them in terms of willingness to try new things later in life and makes them less likely to develop allergies (although always talk to your doctor before introducing common allergy foods. Allergy testing early and frequently, with shots for the ones they have). Obviously don't force kids to try stuff, just put it in front of them often. In my house, the rule was we had to have a veggie on our plate. We didn't have to eat it, but just being near it made us try more often then not. Also, as a kid, I can say it wasn't the spicy Cajun food that made my brother hyper. It was the untreated ADHD. It wasn't even a Montessori specific thing, fear of flavors. The notion is quite Victorian, if it's anything. Children were fed bland diets and often ate separately from the adults. The belief was that they couldn't digest certain foods until they lost their milk teeth (baby teeth). In fact, this was such a symbol of maturity, that J.M Berry mentions that Peter Pan had all of his milk teeth.
Even though I'm far from the age of getting children or thinking about it, this video is still so interesting, as these books give such a deep insight on the human psychology (e.g. handling emotions, learning, bonding with someone, etc..)
in my parenting journey... at first i was reading a lot... talking to people...and now i do ... less and less. but not out of fear but because i found, the one thing that is required is empathy. empathy and respect for the human that is your child. if everything fails and it all isnt like in the books...if you follow your heart and keep walking the road together and finding solutions in respectful manners...you are doing right. thats...what i think. the children are far more capable then we think. they have opinions and preferences and need their own spaces and saying in things. ♡
I'm not quite sure what the story behind this is, but I find it terrible that the most basic biological function of humans has been weaponized the way it has. It really isn't that hard to do what a cat does instinctively...if a cat can do it, we can do it! And yes, animals rely on their social bonds for their survival, so they do know what they're doing!
@@HelenHenninger bestie some cats will eat their babies if they have too many and if you dont separate their children young enough theyll start having babies with each other
@@HelenHenningerum… especially in light of particular statements and debates going on these days, calling procreation a “basic biological function” of being human is, in fact, deeply hurtful. Basic biological functions would be the stuff we do every day: breathing, eating, drinking, sleeping, waste management. Those are the needs that must be handled, regularly, before anything else. People who cannot procreate are not less. People who choose to not procreate are not less. Whatever the reasons for the OP not having children, it is not your place to convince them otherwise. And comparing human reproduction to feline reproduction? That’s just gross.
@@HelenHenninger if it "wasn't that hard" there wouldn't be so many kids and adults with trauma because of the way they were raised. Raising a child needs more dedication than ten full time jobs, it's hard and it's something you should learn to do, not just pop it out (or get it any other way) and leave it to itself. I'd say getting a kid is not getting a humster, but ever a humster needs more than people realise
Captioning your videos so well is so useful for me because of my ADHD and dissociative issues. This was such an engaging topic and it really helped me absorb the information better. Thank you for the work you do! ❤
I love the fact that Rupert didn't put you off at all while you made that video!😂 His jaunty wave accompanied by your little giggle at the end was priceless.🥰 I actually felt quite moved listening to these gentle ideas, what an intelligent way to guide a child through life. I could hear the common sense of it but also was accutely aware of how my own old fashioned upbringing conditioned the way I would actually think when with a child, instinctively wanting to correct or reward. We are in our sixties and never had children but I'm observing a young friend of mine raising her little ones. It's noticeable how she lets them discover how to do things, she might suggest a way if they're struggling but invariably the child will have their own ideas and mum just says ok, try that then and after a great deal of experimentation the child finds their own method and is never told it's wrong. So lovely, warms my heart to know that there will be fewer screwed up people like me in the world! 🤗
Ngl that is awesome you did research about parenting so you can be a good mom. I hope more parents or future parents can take the time to look at parenting books that can help them raise their kids especially if their first time.
As a child under four i liked to write. I didn’t know the alphabet yet but I was drawn to writing! The grip development theory just struck that memory in me. A lot of life is unlearning; it isn’t a negative thing to start early and on something mechanical before you have to unlearn, you know, ableism, imperialism, respectability politics and such 🤪
I’m so glad we have closed captioning because I’m deaf. I would be lost without it. Rupert waving at the end and Jessica giggling is pretty cute! ❤ I don’t have any kids but I always take interest in your talks about Montessori. 😊 Thanks again for a wonderful video. 😊
@@jessicaoutofthecloset I may not ever had want of children, but the first book you talked about sounds really interesting. So might'n just go and buy to read for my own sake than none other
Montessorri resonates so much with me, not just for the children I am yet to have but for myself. Understanding the ways my subconscious reacts to basic things and how to have a safer more gentle dialogue within myself helped me so much, and it is a great tool to mix in with therapy for me
Thanks for this beautiful video. I have a terrible family who has done me so bad things but I'd like to be a good mother. I'm learning so many things from you and this is one of them I think.
Wonderful video; I trained as a teacher in the UK and everything about development from birth is taught in your PGCE. Modern schools, my highschool included, use a montessori model when teaching. In the last 5 years we've even started teaching Metcognition where we involve the kids in how they are learning and teach them what is happening to their brain as we learn. It's wild how many words you said which we use on a daily basis in teaching in LA comprehensive schools ❤
I love this. I feel like I grew up with an idea of parenting (which wasn't necessarily coming from my own parents) that did not give kids a lot of agency. Rewiring my brain to acknowledge these biases I have and the blind spots when it comes to parenting is going to be a challenge but your videos make me feel like it's doable. Thank you!
Montessori sounds like a wonderful way to help your child observe the world they've been introduced to! I'm not a parent, so I can't speak from experience. I'm very impressed by this way of learning and also feel all happy mushy inside that Rupert has such wonderful parents! 💞
Love this video, thanks for making this list! My wife is currently reading The Montessori Baby I was wondering if you and Claudia would be willing to share what you do when other people (family & friends for instance) try to praise or discipline Rupert? That is something that makes me a little nervous with our son (he's currently only 9 weeks old so there's not much room for discipline but there sure is for praise) and how to correct others or if that is even necessary? Thanks in advance
I relate so much with the “why would you do that?” My mother asked that to me when I was younger but I didn’t really have a reason to answer the question it was just instinct or something in my head that said this is fun
Hearing about Montessori is fascinating, and it's delightful to hear there are so many people trying to teach and treat their children in this way. I can't stop watching your videos on it despite having no interest in children of my own 😂
❤ yaaaaaaaaaaay great to see "your self confident baby" on your list. It's my absolute favourite. So down to earth and sensible. I'm less of a fan of Alfie khon, sometimes he makes sense but I find quite alot of his stuff is compensatory, rather than truely natural or free. I think it's better to clear a space around children, rather than preemptively compensating for already complicated adult culture dynamics. It's easier to strip things back and just have simplicity. Simplicity is enough ❤ I think this is why I prefer the RIE method, because it's more nuanced about win win mutual respect and building mutual trust, than any particular scripted rules or methods. I absolutely agree, it's the best thing when you're frazzled, half a page read grounds you in self trust, and back into respectful behaviour again. Another book I love, is "come dance with me in the heart" by Pennie Brownlee. I honestly think she's one of the best early educators in the world, particularly about fostering creativity and self confident intelligence. It's sooooo beautiful right through into primary school age too ❤️
Also, I really love this more relaxed hair up look, and also the red bodice.. it's a really great colour on you 😊 it makes me realise its been a while since we've seen some vintage fashion videos from you, those are always great too, its really fun seeing peoples evolving styles, especially if anything changed with more active parenting as he gets bigger and more mobile, and maybe as you build strength too? I remember when you worked with a trainer to build your arm strength safely for him as a new baby, I wonder how your going with your back and carrying him at three, or if you do the RIE style kneeling down and matching his eye level now that he is walking ❤
Honestly, all of your videos make me want to have children. I kinda wanted them before, but always only knew how ”difficult“ and ”annoying“ they are. I‘m still aware that raising children is hard, but I now have hope that it might be possible.
Omg thank you! It's really important video, I'll definitely read something like this. Even if now I don't plan my own family, I really want understand children development better
Yeah ppl think Gentle parenting means being really passive and permissive...whereas the 'gentle' is in reference to not physically or mentally enforcing your will on them like more old fashioned authoritarian styles. Authoritative or boundary parenting defs conveys the concept better to us in a contemporary world. I have just read Montessori Baby and Toddler and found them super helpful. Yeah not so much theory but the practical. And then podcasts, Janet landsbury's Unruffled, and Dr Beckys Good Inside have been very helpful.
I am so inspired by your parenting journey, and am so grateful for how you’ve shared it with us online. I definitely want to pursue Montessori parenting if/when I become a parent myself, and admire you two so much for breaking the stereotype of “terrible two’s”/babies and toddlers are a pain, and to seem to genuinely love the life stages of your kid. Gives me hope
My first child I baby proofed. Second only got gates on the stairs. This is because my baby loves the stairs (the older one did too) and what kept happening was I was busy helping my oldest and then my baby half-way up the stairs and she can't get down in a safe manner. I watched her on one or two steps get down but it's a falling action and I have a crash mat underneath. After a few climbs and a few minor hurts I put the gate on but she has one step go climb up and down on. It's safe and I can watch her easier.
The book I read before having my baby was "Bésame Mucho" by Carlos González. The title literally says "kiss me a lot", and it's in defense of raising babys with love, empathy and follwing our instincts; like breastfeeding, cosleeping and allowing the baby to go at their own rithym. I think it's been translated to english, but if you know spanish you can chake it out, its an easy and pleasant read.
This was so lovely. I will definitely be reading these books before I have a child. The parenting style just makes so much sense to me. And I also wish desperately that it was how I was parented when I was a kid. I would be a lot more capable and independent if it had been. But now I gotta learn how to be capable and problem solve on my own. Edit for grammar
I am not a parent, but watching this, I realize these are my same guiding principles for raising pets! My dog is a Montessori dog! So cool! Is there any guidance out there for Montessori adulting?
Unconditional Parenting was the first parenting guide (lent to us by our cousin) we read, and it's a great start, imho. The first half is generally covering basics, and the second half of the book are his reasons against common parenting arguments, which I found very helpful and reassuring!
I like watching this as a young 20 year old and hoping I can apply some of it to myself because my parents didn’t raise me with a healthy environment and I hope it’s not too late for me to have SOME good brain development
My parents talked to me like an adult because they both think baby talk is very annoying. I ended up being able to speak in full sentences by the time I was 8 months old. I don't think it was the only factor, but I definitely think it helped with my speech development. Like my mom swears up and down that I learned how to talk from watching TV (autism be like that ig (as in I stim by listening to people talk))
i swear i could hear seagulls in the background of this video??? really enjoyed this! very informative! why did i watch this, im not having kids right now 😂
While I love that Montessori includes early adulthood in the places of development I think it's important that people understand that your brain does not "finish" developing at 25. In fact it probably never "finishes". That number is based on a study that followed participants from childhood to see when their brains finished growing but they ran out of money after 25 years and published that the brain is sill developing at that point. It's been misconstrued a lot. They didn't get to finish the study, 25 is just when they stopped, not when the brain stopped. You are ALWAYS developing your brain and until new research shows otherwise that's the assumption that is safest to make.
I really wish I knew about this when I was training as a nanny, I think I would have benefitted from it. There does not seem to be many schools only up to 5 , I think you are lucky that Rupert has a school he can go to in his local area. Would you consider demonstrating some activities you could do for 3 to 6 year old, maybe Claudia could be doing the a tidily as you explain it. Than,s❤❤❤
I would love a book to address the issue I have with my son. He wants to show me that he understands and can sign "no". So he on purpose does what he isn't supposed to, then with the biggest grin, sign "no"...right now I chose to just laugh and redirect.
All comments about the wonderful lessons I learned with this video aside, I MUST ask -- where is your dress from??? It's so beautiful and it looks so comfortable to wear!
I'm loving all of this - I did a Neuroscience degree in 2011 and learning our prefrontal cortex only finishes developing at about 25 was fascinating. For those of us late to Montessori, raising kids who are already 7/8 - are there any good resources for using these methods that arent just learning at school? I've found a ton of Plane 3 (age 6-9) maths and classroom tips for kids already used to it, but if this is a brand new experience for the child and the parents, does anyone have any resources they could point me to? :) Thanks!
Hi Jessica. Are you able to provide a video explaining the Montessori curriculum from age pre-school to 12th. I'm asking because I am considering taking my future child to a Montessori school. I would like to see the graduate rates for Montessori students and the college acceptance rate for those same students.
Genuine question: whats the harm of them learning a bad pencil grip? Bad hand writing? Or is it actually an ergo concern? I'm interested in what the motivation is there (and for a lot of the more specific teachings). It seems very much about setting a child up for 'success' but based on what definition of success? Guess I'll have to start reading:p
Curious about this too. I use a bad pencil grip on purpose because I'm autistic and have motor issues. My handwriting isn't perfect in any means but it is read-able. Perhaps, it's just easier to teach kids good handwriting if they are gripping the pencil correctly?
My understanding is that there is nothing wrong with a "bad pencil grip" per se, but that the advantages of the correct one are that we already know it doesn't cause pain and it allows a good range of motion to allow for a good legible handwriting. A wrong grip _might_ also do those things, but it might also not. If it really is pain free and the writing looks okay, the only reason to change it would be to not look strange in the eyes of others. Our "correct" pencil grip is just one of those norms that have become standard even though there are definitely alternatives that could have become the standard just as well, and just didn't. (Same thing applies to how exactly we throw a basketball, ie where the hands are positioned for a "correct" form. That's where I learned about this. My coach said you could certainly do it differently, but this is a way we know works well and also a way where I can help you, because I do it that way too. And that made sense to me.)
Can I ask a stupid question? If we’re not meant to use scratch mitts (which is understandable) how do we prevent scratches to their wee delicate skin? My wee one is 5 weeks old with claws for nails haha. Even with a buffing board to make them smooth/rounded/short she can still take chunks out her face in a split second. What tips & tricks is there for preventing this? I don’t want her wee face covered in cuts and scars. Thanks. x
Using the buffing board every day or twice a day ? Their nails grow so fast ! Our baby still scratched herself a bit but the little scratch would be gone in a couple days.
You do have to accept that your baby will scratch herself up a bit! Baby skin heals faster and better than adult skin so your little won't end up with a bunch of scars. She won't have a picture perfect face every day, but many babies don't. My second has pretty bad baby acne (my first didn't) and looks a mess no matter what. But my first is 3 with no scars from any of the scratches she gave herself. It will be okay!
Thank you for the wealth of information. Well, technically the brain develops until the age of 25 so yeah, we aren't adults psychologically speaking. Jessica is right. 🙂
As a mother of 4 autistic boys most of this does apply however some needs some modification to fit my kids needs. So I whole heartedly recommend it.(maybe not 100% perfect but works in my house)
It's part of one of my favourites last month, timestamps are in the description ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-puleve-cSlk.htmlsi=x0ozFbUC1qSfOXMm&t=898 Thank you for watching!
and then I need everyone to take a healthy dose of this into their dog training (I fail as a pet trainer because I'm the wrong kind of autistic to train humans)
soon-to-be first time mom here! the first book (understanding the human being) intrigued me but i cant seem to find it for under $50! was anyone here able to snag it for cheaper before i ask my local library to order it for me?
While you might wish for a copy for yourself, don’t be reluctant to ask the library to get it. Remember having this book available will be a gift to potentially all library patrons, you’ll just get first dibs,lol!
@@jessicaoutofthecloset i appreciate your videos so so much. as a disabled gay guy with extreme scoliosis. you and claudia are such role models for me, i love watching your videos so much and learning from them. i used to babysit so learning about a whole new branch of childcare is so facinating, i had never ever heard of montisori until you told me about it in your videos. wish you claudia and all the family a big hug and i hope you are enjoying yourselfs x
My nephew is 1 and a half and I am very curious how you would go about not baby proofing. He gets everywhere and I would be worried about the stove or him running off
The problem with Montessori, and I went to such a school before formal school age in the US, is that it assumes children should have a huge amount of freedom before they are purposely taught about anything in a structured manner. Not all kids can be allowed to live that way without serious injury.
@@jwb52z9 thank you, because if there is I way I would love to learn. The other thing is the food dropping-how do you teach not at the table but elsewhere ok at 1 and a half or younger? Same with the doors. I am so glad it works for her but I don’t think it would work for my nephew.
Some things just don't work for all kids. My daughter NEVER feels physically unsafe for instance, and won't stop pushing her physical limits even after falling and getting hurt. She'll get back up and just do the same thing again immediately. She likely has ADHD, but is also just very stubborn and confident. Now that she's older I try other techniques like telling her that her behavior makes me feel scared she'll get hurt, or that when she gets hurt I feel sad. And she just says "that's okay Mama!" So we've had to do at least some childproofing. All parenting approaches are going to function differently based on the individual child.
@@jwb52z9 I sort of agree with this; at least with my child ... the stairs are absolutely guarded by us and we use gates there because it drops off onto a hard floor front entry way. If my stairs were just against a wall and a short distance I'd feel more comfortable but someone has broken a rib falling down our stairs before so ... Also my child is not the kind of kid who runs to a drop off and just curiously looks around. This child LAUNCHES forward with full confidence. This approach sounded like it worked great for lil Rupert but not every kid would benefit from this approach. What we DO is work on going up and down the stairs often. I will stand behind and gently offer a hand if wanted but trust my child will use their muscles to go up. It does take a long, long time but it's worth it.
As a former nanny, mom, and a current special needs teacher I mostly dislike gentle parenting and Montessori. If you have a child with any challenges, it’s never addressed. The kids are encouraged to grow at their own rate, so red flags are never addressed for special needs to get the more intense services the kid needs. The early childhood window of time is so limited that the difference of raising a functioning adult can honestly be lost. Lastly, “normal” kids act like the whole world revolves around themselves and don’t know how to do group activities or play, or learn in groups (before smart phones group play with roles was common by age 5 and is age appropriate). The “normal” kids in Montessori don’t know how to play with friends. Montessori misses the whole social aspect of children with children and who they are in their roll in greater society. Pick a forest school, or Reggio Emilia inspired, or one that has a group play areas like a kitchen play, blocks, library, art areas within a classroom. Look for teachers at kid level, scaffolding group play in an area so children learn how to resolve conflict WITH PEERS and use positive communication.
I hate Your Self Confident Baby. Getting your baby to not need to constantly be held by not leaving the house? NO THANK YOU. I want a baby that doesn’t want to be constantly held, so that book seemed very interesting before I read it!
