You have helped me so much!! I'm not a gay/ bi male, which I know you have geared your content towards. But my gosh, this has helped me so much as a bi woman learning how to support my poly partner. Thank you!
My partner is enough. There are people who are more beautiful, some people who are more interesting, some more intelligent. There are some who are more funny or who share more of my interests. But I gladly look over all these other people, because my partner is enough, and what I desire more than anything else is preserving the bond that has grown between me and the person I love. I feel at home with my partner, and I have no desire to go out and do anything stupid and trivial and temporary that might put my relationship at risk. I actually get pleasure out of turning down temptation knowing that I've already found enough of what I want. I just thought this might be a message someone needs to see when they come across videos like this. Poly life is not always a solution. Just because you may have other interests does not always mean that it's right to pursue them. There are some times in your life when making sacrifice actually gets you more of what you want in the long run. I think a lot of poly people have a short term view. What happens when you are 60? 70? Are you still going to be swinging? Still going to the clurb to bring home a stud? Or are you going to wish that person you met when you were 30 was sitting next to you, that person who you still can't help but think about, and miss. That person whose photos almost make you cry. The person who you dumped because they didn't want to be in a poly relationship and that was a trendy requirement of yours.
I am polyamorous and I have been with one of my partners since were 23 (that’s 7 years longer than your hypothetical). Our relationship structure has only brought us closer together over the 13 years we’ve been together. I hope we’re together for the rest of our lives and I hope that everyone gets to experience deep love like this. Love does not need to be made small or hemmed in.
Your inability to imagine long-term polyamorous relationships or elderly polyamorous people says more about you than it does about us or our relationship structures.
@@thisisbgm I’ve heard that disparagement many times “it says more about you than…”. That’s not a productive comment, it’s just something meant to put someone down. Maybe what my comment means is that my concept of a typical poly lifestyle is incorrect. Or maybe it means you’re thinking of a different setup than I am. I agree it’s difficult for me to imagine that poly relationships can have an alternate form of bonding or companionship that is similar to how I feel about monogamy; where you are in fact totally satisfied with a partner and have a desire to do whatever it takes to keep the relationship healthy short of not dating or developing strong relationships with other people as well. From my point of view, poly starts with a sense of dissatisfaction, and a desire to not have to make a choice. And I’m not saying that’s good or bad, that’s just how I see it and if you think I’m wrong then “that says more about you than it does about polyamory”, or does it? Let me guess, you think you opinion doesn’t say more about you than the topic? Well surprise! Every opinion says more about a person. Looking back at my comment, it looks to me like my real reason for posting was to speak for the people who come here and are looking for a different message. People who’ve been bombarded by encouragement of a poly lifestyle either because of their social circle or because of a poly partner who they really don’t want to give up on. There are different people out there and not everyone has the same requirements. For some people, restricting yourself to one romantic partner is unacceptable, for other people it is the only thing they find makes them completely happy. I’m one of those people, so talking with poly people tends to get me into trouble. I actually strongly desire to no longer seek out partners and shuffle time between people and hope nobody gets hurt or jealous or ignored. I actually derive pleasure from devotion to one person, being everything I can for that person, and accepting that they do not check every box for me and feeling deep down that I don’t care because my love for them makes those empty boxes not even matter. I’m not restricting myself in any way when I do this, I get more anxiety and dissatisfaction, feelings of uncertainly, and less pleasure from the relationship when I don’t have a partner who feels the same way. This doesn’t feel like a restriction or “hemming in” to someone who has this orientation. I may be mistaken about poly not being compatible with long term life into old age. Whether there was any truth in this statement probably depends on the specific setup someone has chosen. If they are relationship anarchists, or perpetual daters, then I think I’m closer to correct. If they are people who have a small circle of very close, stable relationships, or if they are so devoted to one partner internally that no side partner ever overcomes their desire to return to their main partner, then maybe you’re closer to correct. I do think that some people fool themselves into thinking they want to be poly because they really don’t like having to make a choice. I think this says more about them than it does about being poly. See how I did that? Stupid isn’t it.
What's selfish and immature is wanting an open relationship. Instead of solving the issues you're facing together, people that want an open relation want to look for solutions elsewhere... It's true that someone is not good enough, but it's not the person that wants monogamy, it's the self absorbed narcissistic gaslighting immature person that wants an open relation. He's not good enough to commit to someone else, so he wants to keep an open door to just leave... There's a reason why over 90% of all sorts of poly and open relations fail and over 85% of these don't last a year...
just because you say a percentage, doesn't make it true. (a) show me a legitimate study finding that and (b) show me how many monogamous relationships end
You are already enough! That's one of my morning "mantras" (more on that here: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-3EZSj1_azKk.html). Glad tot hear that you could relate to this video, Patrick. I hope it was helpful for you 🤗
I stumbled upon this video because The guy I've been seeing wants an open relationship. I've never been in one, but I really want us to work so I want to learn as much as I can, so I can function well in an open relationship. Thanks for this!
I’m glad to help! That’s what these videos are for. If you want some extra support, reach out through my website (briangerald.com) or send me a DM on Insta (@thisisbgm)
Sorry I don’t buy it. I respect your opinion but i just find you’re trying to justify a bad behavior in my mind. Open relationships fail 85% of the time. It’s not that someone is or isn’t enough for their partner. It’s that u are changing the dynamic of a relationship. It’s clearly you aren’t enough because if you were the other person wouldn’t want sex with others. You’re basically just friends with benefits and have multiple friends. U just so happen to be the best friend. One day ur partner might want to be intimate but you just got done having sex with someone else and now you can’t be 100% there for ur partners needs. No go for me. But I respect your opinion. I see it works for you but the data shows it fails the vast majority of the time. I have been in relationships that were open and have given it a healthy and honest try. Never again. Always ended in conflict. My advice is if you love your partner and want to be monogamous but he wants to have sex with other people, the truth is u really aren’t enough. He wants the comfort and security of having you but the luxury of having sex with who he wants cause u ain’t cutting it for him. Simple as that I’m afraid. Run for the hills and find someone who values you and is satisfied with you. Relationships take sacrifice and one of those sacrifices are not screwing everyone u find attractive. That is not a selfish thing to expect!
"open relationships fail 85% of the time" is a WILD stat to claim with absolutely no study backing that up other than V I B E S even still, monogamous relationships end all the time, that doesn't make monogamy invalid (I sure hope!)
@@thisisbgm I respect your opinion, but I think you're just trying to justify your own choices in life. I am not just coming up with the 85% number out of my butt. No pun intended lol. In fact, 85% is a very generous number...It's more like 93%! In fact I think pushing the open relationship idea is what really hurts the gay community significantly. We have a serious problem with a large portion of our community ending up old and alone because they feel they can just up and have anyone they want in bed with no consequence. They use up their 20s and 30s chasing everyone and sleeping with everyone just to end up 50, old and alone and now they WANT to settle with someone for life but have a difficult time because by then they have had hundreds, if not thousands, of partners and are completely desensitized to having intimacy. Sorry but relationships, healthy ones, typically require sacrifice and compromise and that sacrifice and compromise come in the form of not screwing everyone who you find attractive. This idea that people in open relationships are more "mature" and "secure" is serious copium! RESPECTFULLY! We can agree to disagree! If it works for you GREAT, but I still think that it's not healthy to promote this kind of life style!
