Why do you feel the need to catch narcissists in their bad behavior? 

You don't need to catch them. Trust your intuition, validate your own experience.

Lying comes so naturally. It's scary how easy and comfortable they are at telling lies.

YOU ARE THE FRIEND AND THERAPIST WE ALL DESPERATELY NEED IN OUR LIFE. THANK YOU 🙏❤️

Because they gaslighted us hundreds of times and we know there's something wrong with them but we can't believe our inner feelings.

You will never get justice in a narcissistic relationship. A narcissist will always treat you unfairly.

Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,

I feel I’ve had to catch them in their lies or bad behavior because I didn’t trust my own instincts, thoughts, and reality...which we know was distorted by gaslighting. I want people to like and want me, so I tend not to believe they aren’t treating me well.

Catching them doing the act is like a wake up drug some victim needs.

This is painfully accurate.

For you, narcissist survivor: you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be respected, you CAN put boundaries, you CAN say no, you have your own LIFE & no one owns it or owns you. You are worthy, you are lovely, you are beautiful, you are STRONG, you have great future & you are SMART. I love you and I believe in you, even though I never met you, but just because of what you went through, I believe in you. ❤️

What is sad about all this is that it doesn’t get easier after you get evidence. They accuse you of being an obssesed stalker, and yes it is like an addiction, i spent whole nights checking phones, emails, fb profiles, checking gps. It s exhausting and you dont have the enough strength to leave.

Anyone that really loves and values you would never put you in a place of doubt and insecurity. At that point you can be sure they don’t give a damn about you. They aren’t even worth the time/money/effort.

A Narc will play mind games with you as a cute little reminder telling you that “I'm still out here” and “you can't get rid of me" and “I'm going to continue harassing you” so they can attempt to continue to control you, your family, your kids, your friends or money or whatever. Mind games are a fun way to entertain themselves at your expence! A Narc loves and wants to win any game so if you let this behavior get under your skin you will be doomed. They will win and you just become the laughing stock once again. It's the hardest thing to ignore because they know exactly what to say or do to get in your head and just fuck you up. Sorry but the 'french' is needed. Look, whatever a Narc tells people (mainly lies) it's just something you can't control and you can't change. People will believe what they want to believe about you and that's on them -not you. If you lose a family member or friend to their BS then that person was never really a good person to have in your life anyway…be gone with the shit and start new with folks who really care for you. Toxic energy needs to be discarded so your healing can continue. Remain no contact and if your situation can be one where you don't have to deal with the Narc then do it. Just stay away and take control of your life! Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

I don’t need a psychic. The truth is always the truth. I know my truth. The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. Be true to yourself. Have your own back. Take care of you!!!!! Listen to your gut, it speaks for a reason. Your gut does not engage in idol chatter. Gut feelings are real. Stay grounded. Take care of you!!!

Trying to catch a narc is like trying grab hold of a king cobra with wings: posionous, difficult and a totally unrealistic.

I know too many abused, betrayed partners whom have “spied” to uncover decades of a secret, double life. Sometimes it needs to be exposed by any means necessary - trust your instincts.

I learned the hard way that as soon as you feel like catching them its a sign to get out of the relationship. Get out and start healing and you can feel happier and safer. You deserve a relationship that you don't have to worry about all the time.

Cause some of have been made to feel so damn crazy, it’s one of the only ways to hold on to our reality. Evidence, facts, proof.

When checking your partner's phone becomes an obsession ,it's time to cut your losses and move on... before you lose your mind.

Such an accurate video. It is soooo easy to become obessed with trying to PROVE you arent crazy and that something is really going on. But even with proof they just Lie Lie Lie and turn it back on you.

The dichotomy of the narcissistic relationship is so confusing when you're in it, it's hard to grasp that someone who can treat you so nicely can also treat you so poorly. It leaves you thinking they just have the wrong perspective; like, if they could only see how badly they've hurt me they'd change. I found out the hard way that isn't true. They hurt you on purpose and they *don't care* that you were/are hurt! Pointing it out just kicks in their rage and starts a massive fight

I used to confront him with proof just to humiliate him, as a way to make him feel the same way I felt. So incredibly toxic. That’s when I knew I had lost all respect for him and would never get it back. I wish narcs could be truly and properly punished for being horrible human beings.

Even screenshots or voice recordings aren’t enough proof to a narcissist... they will argue the context and claim they were “provoked” by you. Scrolling through old texts or emails, listening to voicemails, or trying to piece things together with friends/family is NOT worth the energy. It just makes you revisit awful feelings and it will trigger those same emotional responses that you have worked so hard to improve. You don’t need proof - you are the only person that is worth convincing since YOU lived it!

"That aha moment is not nearly as satisfying as you think it is". I needed to hear that. Thanks again for the timely and much needed advice.

I cannot control things that are outside of my circle of control. I went no contact and the narcs will screw themselves. I’m busy with my truth. My energy is too precious to waste on narcs.

My ex cheated at 7 years. Denied, left me, ghosted me for 1 year, came back and hoovered me then admitted after pressuring him about the gf. 11 years later I observed the same behavior. I did set him up, he was caught w a different gf red handed in my home 6:00 AM Labor Day. (I was supposed to be at my brothers out of state). I went in w the police. Best thing I ever did was to KNOW that he knows he was caught red handed, no more hoovering or keeping me hanging on by my fingernails. Ghosted me since and divorce dragged for 1.5 years bc he did not want to deal w me. As far as I know, he is still w the new supply. I feel sorry for her. But then again, I was blinded by the love bombing too. Life is better now a decade later. :)

I was dating this boy for 6 years and later on I found out that he was dating this other girl for 2½ years at the same time and when I tried to tell her about it he manipulated her and now she thinks I'm crazy. Infact in order to find out the truth I myself started to behave like him and now I've started to doubt my own reality. I don't even know who I am anymore and everyday he tells me that I ruined our relationship by acting this crazy and that I'm an evil person.

I believe for me was because of the gaslighting. He always tried to convince me my reality was not reality at all. Truth is, I was the ONLY ONE with the true reality. He was just crazy as could be.

In the context of a divorce trial, especially one deciding your children’s safety and financial future, it is REQUIRED by the courts that you submit irrefutable proof.

Because others will think of you as the crazy irrational one.

"Catching" him would be like cornering a bear. No thank you.

I caught him kissing her through a window in my own home. He lied about the affair for three more months. He was having an affair for years with her. During that time I told him I knew he was and he lied every day to my face. He didn't care if I lived or died.

Catching him and the proof actually helped me and gave me calm and peace that i wasn't crazy and he is a horrible human. So for me, the proof helped me leave with a clean and peaceful heart. It helped me start healing.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes, including low self-esteem

When you see them lie to others, know they are lieing to you

You describe my last 8 years with alarming accuracy. Step 1. Watching with mistrust 2. Stalking parking lots of questionable locations 3 considered hiring help , but purchased a location device. ( didn’t know about covert narcissism at the time.) 4. Asked for a divorce because I knew my behavior was unhealthy 5. Listened to the lies as they multiplied, attempted reconciliation, sought counseling, attended church programs, etc. 8. discovered covert narcissism description, started watching him again. 9. Bought the book “ Spy the Lie”. (It’s pretty informative by the way. ) You may not see the truth in other’s responses, but lies can be surprisingly easy to spot. If I had a nickel.....9. Found therapy 10. Bowed out.

For me personally, I love to catch them for one reason more than any other. Because then I can feel/internally say MY GUT WAS FUCKING RIGHT!! And it helps me get to know my instincts better ❤️ it’s confirmation for my deep intuition which in turn creates more trust that I feel for myself. Thank you so much for giving us these incredibly deep and valuable videos ❤️❤️❤️ Much love from Northern California ❤️

Like Politicians, if their lips are moving, they are lying. Thank You Doctor Ramani!

You could catch these people right in the act. And yet somehow they turn right back on you. It's a no win situation no matter what. It's life draining. It robs you of everything good. 😢

My narc ex would always accuse me of cheating in the most ridiculous circumstances. When I finally left I figured he had probably cheated, especially once I realized his projecting on me was basically an admission of his guilt. So I never looked for proof. However, after he moved out, he left a bunch of stuff behind (so he could have an excuse to keep coming back) after he tried to break into my house the 2nd time, I packed up all his stuff. When packing up his stuff I found some misc SD cards. I wasn't sure if they were his or mine so I opened them up, and there was the proof. Pictures of random naked women, on my couch in our first apartment, dated almost a year after I gave birth to our twins. If you let go without finding proof, often the proof or confirmation will present itself. Either through their projection, or other ways.

For years I went nuts trying to catch him doing anything. Obsessed, going crazy and so unhealthy. Like Dr Ramani said after confrontation, NOTHING good came out of it, nothing changed. The last years, I stopped caring and felt so much better about just letting it go and not knowing. Now that I finally left, I know that both of these reactions were SO not normal... You shouldn't feel this way in a relationship.

It doesn't matter how many times u catch them out and u have the "A ha " moment they'll deny and gaslight leaving you confused and once again waiting to catch them out again..

My behavior in the relationship with a narc became extremely problematic. I became the complete opposite of who I was. I didn’t know who I was anymore, feeling afraid, worried, hopeless, and helpless. When I tried to get help, she didn’t support me (though she’d say otherwise). My reality had been so manipulated, doubted, and denied to the point where I lost trust for the people who were supportive. So I isolated myself and she’d continue to pile it on me. I thought I had no one, that I was in fact the problem. I’d become so enraged with the accusations, lies, gaslighting, judgements, etc. etc. etc. because no matter what, it was somehow my fault. I’d impulsively act on those crisis urges and become aggressive and violent. And the aftermath put me further down the rabbit hole, I’d feel awfully ashamed and guilty for my behavior. I had no mental or emotional strength left, it was a dark and scary place. Eventually, my family brought me to the hospital because I was such a wreck. It was madness. In DBT, I’m learning skills to help regulate these difficult emotions. It’s been about 7 weeks since I’ve started DBT and am already seeing a big change. Prayers and strength to everyone. Every day is a challenge to move on, but it gets a little easier with time.

I was abused emotionally. I called him out on cheating and I am the crazy thinker. He has lied lied lied. Yessss I will love to tell him I know the whole truth. Just moving on.. Thank you Dr Ramani. Blessings

When you catch them they get worse and more open with their abuse. Can you say smear campaign? ✌🏼

“It’s too important to keep their fragile ego safe. That’s why they are so good at lying” I feel like that right there makes me feel so sad for them that it gives me a sense of peace in a way.

I noticed that when I did try to share my anxieties or problems, I would wind up with three more and feeling a lot worse.

It IS much easier when you catch them. Nothing wrong with that. I began to heal only when I got the proof. If I didn't have the proof I would've gone completely mad and wasted so many years of my life doubting myself. So catch them if you can. But show the proof only to those who you trust, not to them.

Was able to observe a narc as he gaslighted a lady over something trivial. He told her what I knew to be a lie. When she walked off I asked him why he lied to her about beans. "Because I wanted to". I realized if he would lie about beans, he would lie about anything.

Before I even watch the video, we feel like we need to catch the narcissist because we’ve been lied to and gaslighted so hard that we need proof we’re not crazy. Not for validation or to prove they are a monster, but to distinguish up from down and left from right again. The catharsis comes when you realize their words mean nothing and never did.

I didn't need to show them where i caught them. I did need to prove my reality to myself. I had been gaslit so many years, I couldn't believe the cruelty of there actions. I didn't trust what i saw right in front of my face.

I’ve said this many times before on RU-vid. But if the narcissist is cold to you, you can be sure the narcissist is hot to someone else. The cold phase, you will feel invisible. You will not feel important anymore. Even if you are in the same room, you will feel that the narcissist doesn't see you. When you are let say at work, the narcissist will no longer check your day. From calling or texting you several times per day to nothing or almost nothing. The biggest sign is when the narcissist's behavior changes dramatically. First you feel visible and really loved. That you have found your soulmate. To not feel visible anymore. Your soulmate feels like a stranger. Another sign is that the narcissist will use their favorite toy a lot more in front of you. and also hide their favorite toy. Which is the smartphone. They will put the phone upside down on the table. Will never leave phone when leaving the room. When someone is calling the narcissist, he will not answer the phone when you are around. Because the narcissist will use the phone a lot more, you start to wonder why the narcissist can't answer your text messages and phone calls. But has no problem to answer others. The communication and sex will be a lot more off. It will be less and less. The sex will almost feel like rape on a dead body. The biggest sign is actually your guts. Always trust it. If you start to feel like the narcissist is cheating on you, trust that. And if the person really is a narcissist, you can be sure you are not the only one. A narcissist needs attention all the time. 24/7. So when you are not with each other, the narcissist will be with someone else. Either in real life or on internet. Always. If you need to find out about a cheating spouse; send a request to: Metaspyhub@gmail. com

I took down my ex narc and he’s still reeling. When I moved out after our 6 year relationship, I sent an email to the 2 side chicks (who didn’t know about one another) ...one got him fired from his high powered law firm. I then sent his brother and sister an email as well as all to of his cousins as to what a true POS he is with ALL of the evidence. Yeah he’s pissed. And I feel great!

You never will get the truth from them! You have to call them out on things to let them know that you know! Then you finally get to the point where you don’t even care bc it’s all lies!!

"Darling, Thank you for showing me this. Now I'm going to dig deep and find my empathy." Nailed it! Thanks for the comedy!

This is the motivation that led me to do something inappropriate, something out of character for me. I can't ever take it back. Thank you for addressing this, Dr. Ramani.

Its frustrating not being able to call them out, because you know it will blow up in your face. Mindfulness, emotional detachment, and self esteem work is the way to deal with it in my opinion.

After being with a narcissist, they make us feel crazy and like we are imagining things, so to get proof is validation to our feelings, something that rarely occurs, so, its an important part of closure, which can spur leaving the relationship and realizing we are not crazy. I needed proof, I got it and I left and never looked back. Understand, when living this, validation and proof is the most important thing that can lead to freedom❤👍🤷‍♀️

Yes!! This happened to me. With every drop of proof that would earn a conviction by a jury, he still denied it. He tried to twist it around to make me feel crazy. The only thing that saved my sanity was the proof. If I didn’t have that, I think I would have truly started to doubt my own sanity.

The problem with this is that even if you do catch them out it doesn’t stop the desire to do it again, and again, and keeps that person in your field of awareness, and you in theirs

They are trolls 😂 narcissists are trolls in everyday language people. They'll try to lower your standards by getting under your skin. Which is very common behaviour for insecure people who believe they can outdo other people's performance, only bring them down. And everything they do is to get your undivided attention, don't give it to them

Ever since I caught them the narc & their flying ms they have been slandering my character .

Gosh you are speaking directly to me. Caught him with a play phone. Kicked him out. Said he broke it and got rid of it. Wanted to work on us. 8 months later and sex only twice I knew he still had it. Conned the front desk into letting me in his room, and low and behold the play phone. Took it. Totally disgusting what was in that phone. At least 20 women. Disgusting pictures, every woman from friends of ours, hookers, ex wife, threesomes, gas station workers, other hotel guests, ect. Happened yesterday, filed for divorce today. Im done and he couldn't be happier😔

1:40- "People sugarcoat gaslighting as a mere misunderstanding. It's far from that!" Thank you, so sick of the enablers and the their MINIONS trying to shame me

Dear Dr Ramani, can you please teach us about the Narcissist hero/savior/helper. Can you please teach us about this type that is impossible to notice/detect until you say no to their help, try to question their help, or tell them to stop acting as your protector. Please teach us more about this type! Thank you 🙏!

I am so saddened that my granddaughter is caught up in this with her narc father and there is nothing I can do to help her. Her mother will not accept the fact that her husband is a toxic person. It is like a hopeless situation. And of course it is always the children that suffer the most.

Be careful what you wish for ..the truth HURTS sometimes. If you’re already hurting without the evidence.. don’t twist the knife on yourself by having to see it. Sadly, I can say trust me on this one 💜🙏🏼 we don’t need more damaged souls

Because I was called crazy for feeling 'certain way or some feelings' about his actions.. I grew so obsessed to prove him 'I am not crazy' that I ignored my other priorities in life and sucked at academics and social relations (I even ignored my parents I live with).. just to tell him " look I am NOT wrong but you are and here's the proof ". In 6 years that moment NEVER came... everything somehow turned out such that it was my fault in the end.

I went down this dark path of trying to prove my ex was cheating. It was a waste of time and energy racing down a dysfunctional hall of mirrors where the gaslighting multiplied to infinity. The worst part was how small my life had become just to have evidence of his lying and cheating.

With all of Dr Ramani's educational videos, I'm surprised there's any supply left. Maybe that's why the world is in so much chaos now... All the narcs losing it!!

So true. Once you value yourself & being in a positive situation & headspace, just walk away, it doesn't matter if you know for sure they cheated or not - they were a negative presence in your life & you choose better now.

Dr. Ramani, the aspect I think that was missed in this video is that people who are in a narcissistically abusive relationship find it so important to catch their partner in their lies or cheating or whatever it is because maybe they are wrong. Like you said, the abuser is so good at lying. So good at becoming contrite and apologetic right when their partner has had enough. And so if the partner had proof that the abuser did do or was doing these things....Hard evidence is hard to deny but it isn’t hard to deny the red flags our intuition is waving in our faces.

For me, to find the lies WERE lies. Gave me truth, that my suspicions were correct. Now the ground I stood upon was firm. It gave structure to the decision I were to make for the rest of my life. That it wasn't me that was causing the insanity & kaos that was called my life. Any interaction was all smoke and mirrors, knowing this empowered me to move on and not only have a full enriched life but to grow. I had to be able to blossom and bring on a new generation of empowered ppl.

Haven't watched it fully yet but man this is speaking to my soul right now. Last night I was with one of my narc parents and I felt like they were gaslighting me the whole night after I came home from work. I wanted to call them out so bad and let them know I know what your doing and I'm not about to let you feed off of my stress and discomfort anymore. But thank god I took a breather and thought about what the end result would add up to if I respond. Instead of talking about it I decided to just be about it and keep my inner peace so I put on my earphones, made my dinner and queitly exited the conversation. Thanks Dr. Ramani I really thought everything was my fault for so long but pulling away has allowed me to see I'm not crazy and to trust my self wholeheartedly and trust my instinct.

If the trust is so eroded that espionage seems necessary, then it's already over.

I love how articulate you are and how you have a gift to kindly speak the truth to victims. I admire your candor and hope I can learn that delicate balance of words and truth without coming across as offensive. Thank YOU as always. 🙏🌙

I've been needing this video for a while. Thank you Dr Ramani!

Even if you do by some chance catch them.... they will flip it to where you still take the hit! They're great at deflection!

Exactly, I was literally called paranoid once that person run out of weak arguments and deflections. When all I did was citing their own words (emotional threats and blackmail) back to them and asking what they meant to counter their gaslighting. It truly is a pointless task, they have an answer for everything, and when they don't, they turn back to agression or threats. It's despicable, no contact is the only healthy way.

She has already been caught. Living a miserable life now. She thought she had it bad before. That was a great life compared to the life she has now. 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

"Internet is a dark place so be carefull". Indeed. Dr. Ramani in 2020.

You are correct he probably most likely does my narc had a parent control spy put on it also I had my car looked at for a GPS and I know he had someone following me also gaslighted me after I figured out who he was withbut if I was you keep your mouth closed about your suspicions and turnabout's fair play good cameras get a voice-activated tape recorder get a GPS put it on his vehicle catch himput your best game face on everything's normal breathe deep when the red flags go off have an excuse walkaway collect yourself does he have a lock on his phone are you text smart download something to his phone you can always put something in his drink to make him sleepy my put miralax and the orange juice of course you couldn't have sex cuz I wasn't feeling well what you could do to him have patience be calculating of all angles they say a quarter has two sides but it doesn't nobody counts the rim if you could be lucky and have a friend that would help you say is spying on him baby the cat's ass but I was not so lucky this is all things I've learned hindsight 20/20 would have been great for me though would be in the situation yet but I have patienceand I already have obtained a few things I mentioned earlier good luck. TO CATCH ANYONE RED HANDED HIRE Metaspyhub@gmail. com. THEY ARE SO SWIFT ACCURATE AND RELIABLE

I took down a narc without resorting to anything illegal. Just got a good memory for the things people say and I reported them back to the flying monkeys. Knew some of it had to stick, because there was no other source for this very personal information than the narc. I gotta tell ya! It was immensely satisfying and narc ex friend has never fully recovered.

I've been living with this "catch her" mentality for over a year now. It's a living hell.

Catching in their lies and getting documentation is definitely helpful in a divorce.

Dr. Ramani... You have NPD down to a science. This is a perfect, accurate description of what it's like being in a relationship with a cluster B disordered person. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like flying with broken instruments. Can't trust them.

Why is it important to catch, or better demonstrate narcissistic lies? Because otherwise, others believe lies and lynch mobs do not come from nowhere.

Yes!!!!! This is so important bc knowing and having faith in yourself is important, but seeing is like I was right! No wonder my self esteem was in the gutter. I feel relieved of the guilt of not being more even though I feel strong. They confirmed my suspicions and I wasn’t crazy and my old confidence wasn’t arrogance.

Dr. Ramani, I can understand not ruminating or driving yourself insane trying to expose the lies of the narc. But on the other hand....finding out that our instincts are correct will hopefully deter us from ignoring our gut and make allowances for our 6th sense when we know we must cut bait and run. Thank you again for all your great videos!

I’m stuck in a limbo in a way as I feel like if I went actively searching for a “gotcha” I’d pretty easily find it- but at the same time it’s like I REALLY don’t want to see it or accept it. Makes me feel truly sick.

It’s always a “misunderstanding”.

Thank you Dr. Ramani!! My dad is a narcissist and your videos have helped me to begin to shift my thinking and take back my sense of self and reality. He absolutely refuses to take responsibility or to acknowledge the harm he has done to our family, instead he attacks and discredits anyone who questions him. The messed up thing is I thought we had a normal family my whole life. I am 30 now and I am going no contact and regaining a sense of myself. It is so hard but I am so gratefully for your videos and the community of people. I do not feel alone anymore.

This is the most heartbreaking part of narcissistic abuse in my case. The narcissist made me feel like anything he was doing wrong paled in comparison to my not trusting him. Made me feel like a terrible person for trusting my intuition (which in the end was SPOT ON, other than the parts of him I was blind to like the sexual coercion and putting the blame of everything on all of his ex’s). Thank you for talking about these important and seemingly universal experiences. I hope that this helps people to avoid these traps altogether.

My favorite is during an emotional tirade, just start recording. It's amazing how quickly they change their behavior

Thank you for this. I’m so tired of being lied to. I find myself looking for the big moment when I catch him in cheating. That is my final realization of my truth.

My thoughts before watching the video: -to hopefully make them more self aware -to feel better about ourselves (when it's petty) -to guilt trip them -to bring them down so we can rise up, we're often insecure, it ain't just them

Tracking and 'calling-out a narcissist can be a dangerous game = give it up. Thank You Dr Ramani! This subject was very well illustrated

Narcissists don't change. Thank you Dr. Ramani for saying it. The problem is that normal people think anybody who realizes they're causing pain would want to change. At least they would try to improve in some way. That's our main naivety, we would do it, we would try anything to improve with all our heart. Understanding that they won't change is the key. Yet the first time I came across this key statement was exactly in one of those fraudolent ads. I never thought of his evil behaviour as perpetuated on purpose. The strange ad opened my eyes and that's how I started reading about narcissisim. I never responded to the ad. I found out plenty of evidence by myself...maybe a lot of people already knew about his serial cheating behind my back (and some had an idea also about the huge financial exploitation that was going on). But the people who knew were also ready to gaslight me in order to keep peace in the family. As soon as I found evidence I packed all his stuff out of my house.

I had to turn into Columbo. All it took was patience then all skeletons came out. Dr. Ramani you're right even when I found out the truth I still didn't leave