Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Not me, I treat everything like gold. Because I know that some day I won’t have that. Wether it’s a family or my job or my cat, someday all those things will leave me, so I make everyday like it’s my last
Nah, it could be an anxiously attached person in general. You know how you often hear securely attached or even avoidant people talking about how being with an avoidant messed them up enough to make them act kind of anxious? The same thing can happen the other way around. Anxiously attached people’s behavior isn’t always a response to an avoidant partner. And even then, it’s often mutual: it’s just that the anxiously attached person often doesn’t realize what little things triggered the avoidant or refuse to acknowledge them as anything other than normal things that shouldn’t trigger anyone, and therefore shouldn’t be taken into account in the equation, failing to do the same the other way around.
GUILTY as charged.... was neglected and abused by parents so I over-give when interested in someone romantically. I've become conscious of it through videos like this (YT is my therapist!) and I've quietly toned it down. As a result I've noticed the other person is drawing closer to me and is more relaxed with me. It's not fun being a male Sally Fields ("You like me! You really like me!), LOL but I'm learning by connecting the dots. This "over-giving" can happen when you never get support, only criticism or neglect as a kid....
Keep connecting those dots and learning. Growth and self-awareness are ongoing processes, and you're clearly on the right path. It's great to hear that your efforts are already making a positive difference.
I feel this. I have extreme form of disorganized attachment (borderline personality disorder) and I wanted to 'secure' myself through people pleasing. Needless to say, it didn't work out.
Give from your heart when you give to others, not expecting something in return. Some will appreciate, some will not, but in the end be happy that you did something good for them (without reproaching them something). And the same you give to others, give to yourself, do not forget that.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad the video resonated with you and helped bring some clarity. Understanding these patterns can be a significant step toward personal growth and healthier relationships in the future.
I give to the people who are appreciative of my giving if they don't appreciate the effort I put in to give them something then they aren't worth it. Yeah it does make someone feel good to give but not if they aren't shown gratitude for having put in the effort to help someone out. My last problem on this matter is that everyone has different levels of what they feel they need hygiene being on most people's list but in my list of needs is barely enough to count on one hand 1: air 2: water 3: sleep 4: shelter 5: food. That's all that is needed and ever will be needed for anybody to survive and sustain life.
It feels good to give and feels good to get appreciated. If you feel the other person isn't giving what you'd like, then tell them, but in an encouraging non condescending manner, because it would make you happy, fulfilled etc. If the other person doesn't want to or can't, then it's time to reevaluate the interaction. Likewise if what you give isn't being appreciated then stop giving it, the other person may start to understand that they liked what you gave and show more appreciation when you then do give. With dignity and respect for yourself and others, guard your energy and don't squander it carelessly.
This sums up my relationship with my mother. Her making me favours I don't need and didn't ask for so that she could feel happy, needed and me to feel guilty and obliged to her. And I can't repay ever - first of all its exhausting. Secondly, I didn't need her to cook me dinner. I didn't need her to come to my house. I didn't need her to clean my windows. I didn't need her to carry heavy packages - I just needed a moment to do it safely by myself but instead I just had to witness her pain as she was walking. Thanks mom! Good thing is at least I recognize these subconscious manipulations even when she doesn't. So I can turn off my guilt really quick. But I still can't forget how she made me cry for trying to help her carry a packet with things. So much aggression for trying for help that I bowled my eyes out. And that's the reason I don't help her anymore - I was taught that helping is bad, it's a conflict and its always an emotional stress
I was suicidal and couldn't find a reason for living, so making the person I love happy became my only way to redeem my self worth (She didn't love me). She was burdened by it, I see it now. It hurts.
I'm truly sorry to hear about your pain, and I hope my content helps you on your journey to self-discovery and healing. It's important to find worth within yourself, not just through others. We're all in this together. ❤
I'm so sorry to hear that and my heart reaches out to you. it may sound cliché but I sincerely hope that one day you will be the person you love and you want to make happy and this will be your reason to live. i'm on the same path with you. may we get there at some point ❤🩹
May it only hurt for a while (or for as long as you allow it to) and may the pain you feel be transformed into growth and learning. May you attract people who love and like you for you, you need not do anything.
A childhood trauma that will destroy a future relationship. Clear communication and awareness will save it but its hard and not everyone will show their weakness.
When do you feel like overgiving? When you slightly start to resent the other for not reciprocating! That's the moment i stop everything and fill my own cup❤
Being generous person often you generally want them to have what you never had growing up and be better off, or be happier ,these genuine sacrifices dont need something in return, very few possess this trait.
This video has just perfectly explained to me why I escaped my overgiving friend. He was never listening to me saying I don’t need those gifts; when I said I feel burdened and obliged, replied “you shouldn’t feel that way” and in general would keep randomly gifting stuff to me. And, while saying he doesn’t expect anything from me, he refused my attempts on significant gifts himself… and would randomly mention the things he gave me. It felt burdensome, suffocating, even infuriating at times. I know he isn’t a bad person, and I rather felt as a bad one myself… but damn, how better my life became after I stopped talking to him. I can’t even express the difference.
You are heartless. At least you had someone to give you gifts. I would love free stuff ❤ but you? Oh, but you feel “burdened” right? Ungrateful and selfish. Why must you be this way?
You are heartless. At least you had someone to give you gifts. I would love free stuff ❤ but you? Oh, but you feel “burdened” right? You are UngratefuI and seIfish. Why must you be this way?
You are heartless. At least you had someone to give you gifts. I would love free stuff ❤ but you? Oh, but you feel “burdened” right? Why must you be this way? It’s true, you are a bad person. And don’t you forget that…
You are heartless. At least you had someone to give you gifts. I would love free stuff ❤ but you? Oh, but you feel “burdened” Why must you be this way?
One last thing: people are so ungrateful. You take things for granted. Ask yourself why you didn’t want the gifts, and why not talking to him made your life better. How did it get better? By not accepting gifts? That makes no sense. That’s like saying my life got better cuz I stopped putting on my Nike shoes, or my life got better cuz I stopped eating vanilla ice cream… such a petty thing makes you proud for some reason. Why? It’s not like he was abusing you, yet you make it seem like he was…
@@Valdivia9494which is true in a sense. No one forces one to give to the other. Even when they ask, you do want to be supportive of your partner so you give freely they don't force you.
@@sallywangari3180 yeah it's true in a sense. But a relationship is kind of like a family and kind of like a team. There should be reciprocity to some extent or it truly won't work. The problem arises when someone thinks it's ok to just take from the other person. Usually happens with someone who has narcissistic tendencies or is simply too immature to care.
@@sallywangari3180 good question, I think that the difference is a little abstract. When you do something for someone that you love, you feel a certain joy, their happiness is felt almost as your own, whereas if it would be just an exchange, you don't need to care, you can care only about your reward. Another case I'd like to mention lies in whether, that something you do, is a big sacrifice or not (or too many small sacrifices for that matter). You should totally expect reciprocity if a big sacrifice is asked from you. If your partner sees you as a human being as valuable as they see themselves, they would treat you with the same kind of respect and as someone worthy of the same kind of sacrifice, given a similar situation arises. You shouldn't ask for something you wouldn't do yourself. There can be extreme life or death cases, but this covers most normal situations.
Wow! Thank you for this information, its really made me think alot about why I give so much. In certain relationships I have too high of expectations, expecting them to reciprocate in the way I think they should reciprocate. When they don't, I can become passive-aggressive and mad (which is against what my heart really wants) because I feel unloved and uncared for. I know that I have a tendency to do this so I have worked hard to change my thinking and my heart so I don't expect others to do what I would do. Somehow I also think that I will be loved more if I give, give, give and I feel quite sad after I give/sacrifice, and there is nothing from that person, or very little. So your video is what I have needed. Thank you!
I think the point of the video is an over giving person is not giving from the heart. They have ulterior motives for their giving which is unfair to place on someone who didn’t ask for anything from you.
Perhaps its the context .....of feeling unappreciated When one person is over doing bcuz their partner is under doing then resentment and exhaustion arise. Its not over giving but over DOING, If your person EXPECTS or demands that you do their chores, errands, etc then YOU are being taken advantage of. They are using and abusing you to their gain. Let them clean up their own mess, clean their own house, cook their own meals, do their own shopping. Stop cow towing to them. People will continue to take and walk on you if you let them . 🤚🏼
i think this perfectly summarizes the dynamic between a lot of relationships in relation to the women always doing the cleaning and the men just sitting on the couch. Like can you just stop please
@@adrianaloborec2205I think the point they were trying to make is that there needs to be a conversation about what “clean” means and what the expectations should be. So many people live lives of quiet desperation because they won’t talk about what they are looking for specifically.
So true, my ex bombed me with gifts and expected me to please him emotionally in return, this was so uncomfortable, no wonder our relationship didn't last for long.
This was me to the T in my last relationship. I didnt realize this was the problem until after the breakup. He said the whole relationship was stressful. I see why. Thanks for making this video so it ckicks.
It's not always easy to recognize these patterns while we're in the midst of a relationship. I'm glad the video helped bring some clarity and understanding for you. If you have any more questions or need further insights, feel free to reach out. Don't forget to like and subscribe for more content that can support you on your journey. 😊
I'm so glad to hear that !!! Your kind words mean a lot. Thank you for watching! Don't forget to like and subscribe for more content. Your support is much appreciated! 😊
Wow, you found me and gave me exactly what I needed to hear. This is exactly what I just did in my last relationship. (And several before...) Perfectly timed and so helpful! Thank you so much!
You're lucky...I overdid this and made everything worse, ruined the relationship. Don't do this... Less, almost nothing is better. I felt this but couldn't stop it, at a good time...
A lot of BS being thrown around here. Generosity is the essence of humanity and empathy. Too bad it is at odds with a culture of individualism. Individualism leads to narcissism Narcissists cannot deal with their own shame when they need help. It is not the fault of the giver who gives from their heart.
If the other person has no need for it I won't bother and it won't affect me. However, when you give it is right for it to appreciated, what is life without appreciation? The Lord gave us life and we appreciate him every day for it. And he does more.
Not all people is that way. I give a lot, and I never say I did this for you. Of course I expect reciprocation, but I know everyone is different and may not reciprocate the same way. As long as I feel loved, I will keep giving, but I dont shut up about my own needs, I have my standards.
The problem to overgive may lie in the deeper obvious effort-reward complex of extroverted and narcissistic brain functions.Certainly the narrator made the point that one does so in order to win relationship. When gratitude can be uneven bracing that moral dilemma is then a challenge for empathy and tolerance.
This makes sense, hoewever, I been in situations where I’m being played, nagged and made guilty that I wasn’t attentive enough or I should give more…..then when I give by obliging them then they wanna withdrawal. I’m too selfish to “give” for people to like me😂 I “give” because there was a NEED.
I think the main takeaway from this video is that giving must be done altruistically other than transactional relationship. I give you Super Thanks $ and hope you don't mind replying with a "Thanks!" or even a longer reply. 😂
I highly appreciate the content, very timely and it nurtures our intrinsic elements, thought provoking and offers a lot of introspective self reflection. Cheers brother. You're making an impact to the universe.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I'm thrilled to hear that you found the content thought-provoking and impactful. It's truly rewarding to know that the videos are resonating with you and helping with introspection.
Sorry for the less-than-perfect grammar in this video. The content was dictated and compiled from my notes, and with the rush of daily uploads, things can get a bit hectic. I appreciate your feedback and will definitely pay more attention to it in the future. Thank you for understanding!🥲
