why I’ve NEVER dated before… still SINGLE at 22 | journal entry ep. 2 

omg this! same i also didn’t grow up being taught how to show affection so now i’m just like 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

True❤

This struck

@@via.ilyouu so real

@@via.ilyouu Same 🥲😂

By dating, once you have more experience it’ll become less of a big thing in your mind. The only way to get past it is to go through it

Wow. You summed up my exact mentality. It's somewhat comforting to know that someone else thinks and feels this way. I know exactly what you mean. Suddenly when someone who I'm attracted to shows interest, I want to run in the other direction. I start to think: "why would they want to be in a relationship with me?" "Certainly they'd be happier with someone else, I couldn't possibly be good enough for them." I clam up and shut down. Avoid intimacy and vulnerability to avoid potentially disappointing them and getting hurt. It's so exhausting and frustrating.

​@@yourocmysoxDamn we have the same mentality :( I don't know if it's a sign of inferiority or low self-esteem

@@irissma8490 I'm sorry you feel this way too. I think it's probably both low self esteem and a sense of inferiority.

I have a somewhat similar mentality. I do t think I’m good enough for any girl.

fearing something you simultaneously desire the life of the ego

I’m 21 and been single since birth too!! I completely understand what you are saying ! I’m not in a rush to date and I’m not trying to date out of loneliness either . It’s just the wrong move to make

Women are single by choice, so why do single girls act like you face a problem? You get everything you want

I've found my people😌 I turned 22 two weeks ago and been single since birth too

i am 23 and my only relationship was online (we never met) and things went wrong, i am glad i got lot of lie lessons, but i am going to be single until i find a one who wants life time commitment with me and i am fully confident with him .. I am glad to find my people as well

Same here, 23 and never dated be4, but I’m fine with it I’m not gonna pick up helps from any dating apps bc it has to be someone Im acquainted with in a long time lol

I relate too 😭 but I’m 23

I relate too and I'm french

I m relate too im argentine

i relate to this at some level, im 24 and have never been in a relationship. there is a sense that i feel like I'm missing out on a vital part of growing up. i sometimes wonder whats with me that ive never breached that territory, i know i can if i want to. yet at the same time im just relieved that i wouldnt have to deal with the complications of being in a relationship lol. sometimes i feel a little lonely cause my friends that are in one seem so secured and happy. but yeah, idk im fine not having one but i wonder how it feels like to have one 😅

I relate to this too, also 22 Mexican.

I'm 18 too in my second year and tbh I love being single 😹😹 relationships are a lot of work and I'm not ready for that.

Same and everyone I know are single too and never dated

This level of self-reflection is not healthy.

Y'all are very young. Just make sure to go to parties and social events and you'll never know who you'll end up with!

​@@chart6454 not healthy, how? So being single is not healthy? Being single also makes us unique. Not being in a relationship is actually a good thing, you get to know yourself more, believe me I'm saying this from experience. When ur in a relationship it's just like you always need to re adjust ur beliefs, principles and values to get along with your other half which I think is unhealthy so yeah, being single is actually good.

We are the same person. I also turned 24 yesterday and have never been in a relationship or have ever been all that attracted to anyone. Also happy birthday :)

Happiest birthday to youuu

@@awaitingari happiest birthday to youuu

I also turned 24 today...and I'm watching this feeling a tad bit sad cause I feel lonelier than usual cause I don't have friends or a significant other to celebrate with But then again I related to everything Via said in her video of not wanting to date and having standards that somehow make you end up without friends and single

​@@awaitingari I turned 24 today as well.... happy birthday to you too

MY GOD I AM SO glad you can relate to this video 🥹🥹♥️♥️♥️♥️ im so glad i was able to put ur emotions into words. ILYSM

Thanks to youuu! Really, I think it must be hard to put yourself out there on the internet but you help a lot of people that feels the same way! Thank you thank you thank you ❤️

being focuzed on dates is normal. it's easy to say as introvert

Oml I relate to her so much too

EXACTLY!!!! I'm like..... what???😱

It's like am watching myself 😅

Same here!!! I was surprised by her whole talk😂😂

exactly!! nowadays dating seems so fabricated and something that needs to happen in a certain way: go on apps, find people, go on dates, choose one as your partner. It feels more like a ritual or a video game you want to beat than actual human connection

I disagree with that last sentence

porn makes men lazy and money makes women not need men

Save yourself for the established man who will put a ring on it

😂😂😂 pokemon....

Do you think you are "ace" (asexual)? I am for sure, asexual and have no problems with it. I find men (opposite sex) very attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them - at all. ❤

you worded it so perfectly but most of these people are all older while im in my teenage years and like idk it's weird but im just glad that i can look up to someone lowkey

Bruh I’m 24 and never dated anyone in my life

same i'm 20 and felt like she's the voice inside my head lol

I wanna know what happened when you met him, like how did the situation change. were you working on yourself before meeting him or being with him really changed you. How was your first steps?

​@@inku.1593 When I met him, I was mostly confused and my head was only on cloud nine, like in a haze. I didn't have any experience with what a relationship "should" be. I let him overstep some boundaries in the first year because I thought that is what compromises look like. At that time I often asked a friend, who was in an 8-year-old relationship for her opinions on some situations. I realized soon, that a relationship consists of constant communication and making space for you, for him, and creating a special space for each other. As in: "You two are like two planets in a galaxy, both in their own way yet always in each other's system." Communication is key to any relationship and because of my sensitive empathic side and the self-reflection I build up years ago with myself and my friends, I was able to teach him a lot about these things. We constantly talk about what we wish for in a relationship, what makes me/him happy, what I/he needs (or needs to hear), and how we should talk to each other during fights, etc. I made the mistake, that I always thought "Oh he will get what I mean" - without ever speaking my thought out. But how should he know? Therefore I learned not to pile emotional baggage up and explode but to talk about little things that bother me or that confuse me, just to clear the situation. We have to talk to each other and we need to get closer to each other with tiny or big steps. That is the wonderful thing about a relationship. If you'll find someone that is worth it to grow together yet individually and spend a life then this can be a wonderful thing (even though it can be strenuous sometimes as you widen your own filter bubble and expand your being from what you have learned). Being with him, changed me in a lot of ways. You learn to really voice your opinions, thoughts, sorrows, and hopes. You learn to have difficult talks, make mistakes or even forgive mistakes - all those things I was afraid of as a teenager because I thought that my partner has to be "perfect". I still work on myself every day (even went to therapy) and I try to teach him things about self-perspective and respect for other people. On the other side, I learn a lot from him, too. How I can be patient with myself, how to be logical, how to really step up for myself, how not to let someone step over me, and of course, how to love someone who was once a stranger. You need to know, that I'm German/Polish and he's Japanese, so there are cultural differences and sometimes mild language barriers or even different mental points of view. However, we found that inner strength that we want to work things out. After each deep talk, we feel a deeper connection to each other, because it is such a wonderful feeling, to feel understood and accepted.

"yeah better stay alone, relationships are exhausting" yet it would fits well to them

I relate to this, I never had a boyfriend until I was 24 which was only a couple years ago. It's still very confusing

If a guy wanted to just “have some fun” with you (I think you know what I mean by that), and not have any intimate relationship, would you be ok with that? I’m just asking

Love bro. You deserve freedom and happiness!

@purpleconvict4152 thanks bro. Still waiting for it with lots of hope.

omg.. maaaan... move your ass.. im 42 here.. not a lot of gf but some good experience.. a 4 year relationship at my 20's, my first and the longest one.. i had another 2 .. from the people i know.. im the less succesful, now im 7 years without.. im a kind of lonely creative person that cant stand the bs and has high standards and enjoying my time ,that's aaaaaall mine.. but .. i feel quite lonely at times.. i have very few friends although people like me and want to hang out with me, my female friend provides me with the hugs i miss and the touch.. we play, we do massage, we have fun.. i still want a gf but i dont see it comming .. but... the fact that you say that its not you that confine your self but your family and relatives, makes me so angry.. get the f out.. you are 30.. find a life you want. at least go try for it.. for me, my previous relationships, and the touches and the care and smell etc still do live inside me .. they made me who i am.. its wonderful to share intimate moments with a woman that you like eachother.. i cant believe you do this to yourself .. find courage..go visit a therapist.. make a start.. ..

@@gaithouri thanks for the wonderful advice. Due to restrictive upbringing my personality and social skills did not develop well. Moreover, I am born in a wealthy family, but I don’t get any allowances or any perks (not even a single rupee/dollar to my hand comes). To the outside, I may come off as a born-rich individual, but when it comes to reality it feels like I am just living in a prison with free food and no rent to pay that is all. Unfortunately, I have adhd and poor memory power, with these kind of poor social skills and cognitive skills, I highly doubt that I will get a good paying job from a highly reputed company. My wealthy family will only allow me to leave if I can get a job in a really good known company. The catch is - I am born dumb. No friends or soulmate to support or bail me out. I am stuck in this endless loop which is extremely hard to break. My family knows that I am not capable of moving out and living on my own, so they are toying with me by laying such harsh conditions.

bro!!!

Don't be friends with men unless to date or for money because they are attracted to you and will use you as a date in his mind!

I’m 29 and am learning to love myself but I feel like I’m doing it wrong 😢

Man believe me 2004 onwards folks be really something

i guess a big part was the pandemic, which took like 2 years of going out and exploring the world from us. i was 18 when covid started and 21 when the restrictions were over, my 19th year was basically working and beeing at home because it wasn’t allowed to go outside!

It’s usually the creeps saying that. Stay focused on what makes you happy and the things meant for you will come along the way❤

THE OLDER A WOMAN IS THE MORE GENETIC DEFECTS HER BABIES WILL HAVE thats what being in your "prime" means scientifically

But isn’t a physical prime not also a prime? Let’s not be delusional and act as if physical attractiveness isn’t a mayor factor in dating

I just don't get it 😂 exactly bc I'm "in my prime" I want to do precisely what I want and enjoy myself not doing what others expect me to, duh

fear blocks love

Aren't we twins? 😂 Otherwise you're my new and only best friend

@Patricia Remacova is always nice to know I'm not the only one.😊

@@sharip.2432 I was actually surprised how many people are there feeling the same way

Dating apps feel unnatural to me too.

As an introverted, shy, and loner 29 yo male, I fear for my future.

thank you so so much for sharing this. im so glad that my videos can connect with so many of you guys. we’re all in this together ilysm♥️♥️♥️♥️

« I fantasize about relationships more than wanting to actually be in one » i know right !!! This sentence just describe my mindset

@@JKJM06 You’re not alone 🤍

What is your mbti

💜💜💜💜

I’m exactly the same!!

I’m 20 and I have to say I’m lucky: I actually have several friends around my age who also haven’t been in a relationship yet for similar reasons and sometimes for more complex reasons- but I still heavily relate to your comment (especially when comparing myself to the friends that DID already have relationships or have been approached more often than I and ofc comparing myself to societal standards or the pressure and guilt tripping of my parents that I should do more to get a boyfriend) Also: I’ve been to a smaller club a couple of months back where for the first time I actually had fun being at a club/big party (I usually hate it) and I even danced with a boy I didn’t know- but that didn’t lead anywhere because he obviously did it expecting me to do something more obscene or offer something… but I need time to get to know a man before I would ever even consider doing so. The point of why I’m telling you this is: If you’re more of a traditional person, as am I, the club/party setting will do nothing. It’s not the right way for us to meet people, so don’t feel too bad about that life choice C: My personal hope is that I’ll meet my future boyfriend through friends of mine at a private social gathering like a birthday or something where you get to talk and maybe switch numbers, chat for a while, like making a friend but it’ll go further than that. Differently than the woman in the video, I do know my sexuality and I am kinda sad about not having been in a relationship yet, yet I just can’t force myself to be like many other people are and date the modern way. It just goes against all that I am and I’ve never been someone who likes to bend herself to fit into a box I don’t belong in

I'm old fashioned in dating too! Even the idea of "dating" doesn't sound really nice to me. I want to be friends with my partner first. I wanna be myself, enjoy their company without any sexual or romantic implications and IF someday comes the attraction, then I will feel comfortable to show it. I think there are many of us like that. 2 of my friends have never dated before either and are pretty much "old fashioned" as well.

im soo happy that i found ppl like yall who preferred the old fashioned in dating :')

Because it's not true intimacy. True intimacy is opening up one-to-one with your deepest darkest secrets.

i am so glad you guys can relate to this video ilysmmmmm

Question is, is that something you need to fix on yourself? If I say yes, you will judge me by saying I judged that there's something wrong with you. But if I say no, is it really fine? Maybe one say the loneliness will cripple you and if it can be avoided by working on yourself, then you should. Best of luck overcoming your fears

fear of intimacy is often really just fear of codependency. heal that and the fear of intimacy goes away

Those people were likely pretending to be happy in their own relationship. If a person is married, I challenge them to bring their spouse. If that person is single, I tell them I don't like the idea of forcing a person to like me so nobody can convince me to accept matchmaking. Most likely, lots of people who attempts matchmaking aren't even doing a good job and is lying about it. Many even want to trick me into being a homewrecker. I don't have to tell them I am not romantically involve. I don't have to tell them I have no desire to date. Many who attempt to convince me only gave me a terrible reason. It is like they want to sell value but don't know how to sell them. It is like cold calling a person without a plan on how to make their value work. So if anyone were to worry about you, annoy them by making them work hard. Chances are, they chicken out of the challenge and would want to leave you alone.

thank you so much for that!

Thank you so much for this. Lately I've been ppl pop out and post their relationship that I've started to question if taking my time matters this much

i agree with this so much. if you’re bored and you date, it usually ends bad. and i agree with you on how much energy you invest into it too!

what if we'(re boired buyt still wants to have a good relationshp with someone we're ready to love and tryings things with them?

@@maegalroammis6020 go on a date😂😂😂😂

@@whatsnew955 huh

I hear you all bc same boat (avoidant style)but I don’t think dating someone even if you end up breaking up is a waste of time! You’ll always learn more about yourself in each new relationship and get better at being a partner with experience. Plus you build a stronger understanding of what you need/want in one :) this year I’ve been actively trying to undo my avoidant attachment style patterns by making myself go on dates. I just know that in the long run i am doing good for myself by putting in the work to heal, which you can only do by unwiring old patterns (aka being less dependent, being open to dating different types of people as opposed to checklisting everyone you meet). Something I’ve realized is that society is kinda set up where guys only really pursue women who show interest first - hence why all us avoidant/hyper independent types end up single. Which is why I believe we girlies need to heal by putting ourselves out there. :) fyi This is just my observation and maybe some food for thought ?

i love u so much

we’re all in this together. ilysm ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

guys it's normal lol . #singlegang 🤣

Sameee

Me too, I’m 23! So many girls out there just like us!!

22 here I'm a guy but never dated anyone before

I feel you man, im aroflux tho. Maybe aromantism is smth you can look into, hope youre okay!

As an aroace i can relate so hard-

As a non aro even I think it’s so toxic to think that we are codependent on love. And it actually makes you less attractive and more easy to manipulate.

fr like the pressure of all your friends dating makes you more likely to go for less

Trust me its best to start dating when ur a bit older. Me and my ex girlfriend started dating when i was 16 almost 17. I completely lost myself in the relationship. I love her and shes rlly sweet but it drained my mental health so much rlly lost myself in the relationship, all her interests became my interests etc. So my advice just take care of urself rn figure out who u are and who u want to be in the future before bringing another person into it

Damn same! I went to an all girl's school too! No wonder I didn't had any dating history. It wasn't just normal for us because we were all girls. Also that not many guys approached me. In fact, I had to approach them first so- yeah

Omg yes girl I feel you. I'm about to be 16 in two months and it's so hard. Like obviously people would be like don't worry you're still young,haven't even gone to college yet but I literally have two friends and both of them are in relationships. I wanna cry whenever the prom comes and what gets me is that they get to experience love at such a young age. Like...no prom date ig.

our dna is all 99.999999999999% the same

I am in the same boat with my sister...

I related to that so much as well I'm not alone

Omg same ✋

because she doesnt know how to flirt without fear

Everything you said explains my life and feelings PERFECTLY. I'm now 20 tho and boy it's not easy once I start questioning myself

Yo también tengo 19, próximamente 20. Para mi esta bien no haber tenido pareja ni nada por el estilo, pero lo que dicen las demás personas me hace pensar si realmente esta del todo bien. Me dicen que soy muy estricta o con estándares altos, pero la verdad no es así, desde ayer no le he dejado de dar vueltas al asunto por una situación en la que me vi comprometida, pero mi conclusión es que no debes estar con alguien solo por querer estar con alguien, creo que no es justo para nadie, todo toma su tiempo y el camino de todos es diferente al tuyo 🩷

Asi se siente, pero estas joven todavia. Te podrias enfocar en mejorarte como persona para cuando llegue

@@lhc23_ así mismo jsjdjjd

@@franciscocampana7187 claaaro, aparte a veces el tiempo pasa rápido, antes que preocuparme y sobrepensar me fijaría en disfrutar ser jsjsj

This is the sweetest comment ever ily

yes it’s a step by step process. it’ll take time and hopefully we’ll all get there

both sides have pros and cons

Friendship is so underrated and overlooked. Less stress and anxiety, and friends can support you as well as give you your own space. Win win.

This sounds very similar to asexual and aromantic relationships, especially the feeling of it being more than friends but less than a "real" relationship. I am a man but I just experienced a very similar situation with a friend of mine. Before we started dating there was a period where I had this exact feeling that youb described and she did aswell. We basically went on dates without calling it a date (going to cinema, eating in restaurants, drinking together at my home etc.) and could talk about anything and had a deep emotional connection. It kind of filled this relationship craving that I usually had. And well... after some time she realized that she also had feelings for me now we are dating haha I think it's really hard to have these kind of friendships without developing feelings for the other person. But maybe in same sex platonic female friendships this is normal and doesn't lead to anything usually? Or like I said maybe you are aromantic and this is just how you form relationships.

@@xXWorldgamefunXx Wow that experience you had with your girlfriend is how I think every relationship should go, slowly getting to know each other and enjoying the moment, so beautiful that you both got to figure out what you felt and develop feelings towards each other. I thought about the possibility of being asexual in the past, honestly I'm still figuring that one out, but I'm certain that I am not aromantic. I've had romantic feelings in the past but only for guys, however there is this "in between" kind of feeling when it comes to SOME girls, where I feel like I want us to be more than friends but not all the way to lovers, and I can't figure out what that is or why it happens. Especially because with the majority of my female friends, it's all good and I just want to be friends with them. But again, some girls in particular just make me feel this thing. I still can't see myself dating anyone in the next few years but if I do, I envision me dating a man. I don't know what is this deal about with some girls but I've heard of the term "alterous attraction" once and it described what I felt perfectly, give it a search if you're interested.

What you said is so true ❤❤, the thing is people who didn't be single for a long time will hardly understand the peace and the joy you can get from singleness

yes! being in this exact same position and abstaining from dating really does allow you to be introspective in a way that i very rarely see with people hopping from relationship to relationship. knowing your mind so intimately and being comfortable with your own company is invaluable.

This is the reason why you shouldn’t leave live that way and only for Jesus because you could die at any moment

LOL SAME with being awk w people 😭😭 and yes omg i also just have this expectation for ppl to be perfect even tho i know no one is perfect😭😭😭😭it’s a struggle

omg same my friends are getting into relationships every week and then there is me my standards are so high that nobody meets them

OMG THIS IS ME RN I FEEL PRESSURED TO DATE. however i live in a small ass white town which guys only go after white girls (I’m the only Asian)

Keep your standards high, and don't worry about dating and all that comes with it for now. It'll happen when it happens. Just keep doing you. ( :

emphasis on the tired and busy😭😭😭and yeah i understand that too. it’s scary to show people what you’re truly like. but we have to remember that we are deserving of love

donnt be scared ykw it gets betterr and do things your way

Just let it happen, dont pressure yourself, enjoy life and it will come to you

don't worry about being inexperienced, most people don't actually care about that! the first time i liked someone, went on a date, started a relationship and all the intimacies was at 20 with an experienced 24 y/o and he didn't care, didn't even comment on it. relax and enjoy connecting with people

Hi Ana, this was my experience almost a two years ago. Like you I was 19 years old and hadn't had my first kiss, or any romantic milestones happen to me. I thought I was too old to try, and that people would think I was weird for not having done those things. Two years later, I have had my first kiss, and a lot of romantic firsts. And now that I'm older I think I can appreciate the experiences I've had more. Remember you're never to old to try new things, old dogs do learn new tricks.

To be honest... Just do it. I kissed first when I was 19 years old. I always imagined that all my "firsts" has to be perfect and romantic and blabla. But actually you put a huge pressure on yourself with this perfectionism. When I went to college, I decided I will not wait forever. Beacuse you never feel ready for something you fear. You just have to make a step. I wasnt in love with the guy who I first kissed with, but I passed the huuuge barrier of "I never kissed before" with him. That was more than 10 years ago, and believe me, you will kiss sooooo much in your life :D I don't even remember for the first one, it was bad, I guess 😂 but I remember my first good kiss, and the kiss with someone I truly loved later! That is what matters 😊 not the "first", it is wayyy overromantized. Dont think too much, just do it!❤

You spoke to my soul. Thank you so much for sharing and being so open about this!❤️