Why I Left The Mormon Church - Carah's Untold Story 

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I’m a CSA survivor. We get to talk about it even if they do feel bad now. I am glad you are feeling safe enough to talk about it now.

The message that "Mormons are so much better than the Mormon Church" is excellent. True of many churches I'm afraid, but so true from your experience.

I listened to the whole thing and I honestly just love you. Keep nuancing the shit out of the church.

I watched this in full. Am not a Mormon or ex-Mormon, but started watching Mormon Stories and Cults to Consciousness in past weeks (spurred by some items in news) and saw you on both. I liked your vibe :) I’ve never seen your comedy (beyond here) but find these channels and your sharing very valuable. Letting go of the mythology of one’s background must be very hard but I really respect the honest detail I’m hearing. Thanks :)

This was really great Carah 🥰 I was like your husband when I left the church, just didn’t like the bigotry and patriarchy.. I learned all the falsehoods much later on since the internet didn’t exist 35 years ago when I left. I really appreciate all that I have learned from you, Mormon Stories, Cults to Consciousness etc. I actually realized that I was raised in a (Mormon) Cult from watching Leah Remini talk about Scientology! My mind has been blown for the past year! So cool 😎 ❤

You have the gift of self awareness and the ability to see the world through the eyes of others. Your beautiful story demonstrates poignantly why many others stay in the Mormon church because they lack the empathy for others that you demonstrate so well. You are very special.

I can’t get over the brilliance of that western themed opening. Soothing, relaxing, and entertaining. Five mega stars!

I'm not Mormon, but I know what it's like to be raised with a shaming/high demand faith & family. Regardless, I have felt frustrated and even defensive of my Mormon friends when hearing your videos. I didn't give up, I dug deeper and listened to you more. THIS video opened my eyes to your position and purpose. I apologize for my defensiveness that plugged my ears. I get it now.

I’m sorry for the abuse that you suffered. I applaud your courage to publish your experiences. Your deconstruction story is inspiring, as I have traversed a similar path coming out of evangelical Christianity.

Yaaaassssss. Even as a #nevermo, but deep in my own deconstruction, your voice has been and continues to be such a powerful companion. Thank you. ❤️

❤❤ i have Asperger's And I was abused growing up and was told by a friend at the time to suck it up because no one will believe you with your condition. I was 16 at the time and now at 30, im only slowly recuperating from the experiences i went through. Go you, for speaking out ❤

Good luck with your premiere. I have watched some good stuff produced by you earlier. I am a "nevermo", but I did a lot of research about Mormonism. I hope that I can learn something today.

Thanks for sharing I am going through my own faith crisis right now. It sucks

This is fascinating, thank you for being so generous with your insights and experiences Carah. Looking forward to many more pods

Carah, that was truly brilliant. I’m just used to your hilarity. What a journey! As I always want ex-MOs to know - you are so incredibly brave. To question everything you have ever known and to process that and then to act on it. I cannot imagine a greater stress. It gives new meaning to “the rug being pulled out from under you”. I just can’t even. I am so very proud of you. I adore your hilarity but this vulnerability was gripping. You have literally saved your children, girl. From a dirty old old gentile, I LOVE YOU. And My Jesus does too. Get it girl, you are exquisite and I’m thrilled you exist x

I really enjoyed this. Loved the Tig Notaro stories, absolutely love her. What a moving journey you’ve been through. It takes courage, looking at oneself without shame or complacency. Thank you for sharing; I was deeply moved.

Thank you for sharing your story, you are a force of nature stepping into yourself and learning your own super powers! One thing that resonates with me on your comments about our journeys - changing thought and beliefs are the measurements of living a full life open to new experiences. You had the courage to step into a different world of different beliefs. Seems like the pathways for you and your children just multiplied!!

Carah, I never got a real sense of your true personality on Mormon Stories. I’m so happy I listened to this episode. Getting to know you is great. You gave me two big light bulbs to self understanding which will forever endear you to me. I’m on my healing journey after leaving the church this lightened some heaviness I have been carrying so thank you from the bottom of my much lighter heart. I wish you success with this channel. I’ll be watching and supporting

As always…you are brilliant, relatable, and wonderfully articulate. I ALWAYS enjoy listening to you, Carah! You bring me comfort, clarity, and THANK GOD …HUMOR!! You effing crack me up. 😘😘😘😊. So so so so much love back to you!

You are a lot of fun . I am looking forward to your podcast. Take care 😊

Thank you so much for your story and congratulations on your new show and organization. I am a Black woman, and it occurs to me that many of the amazing people that I've listened to on this topic probably fall on the spectrum of tolerating my community to hating us. I hope that the move away from conservatism includes embracing Black people and people of color. 💜

So excited to see this!! 🎉

This was amazing! Thank you so much! ❤

This is the most real episode of any Mormon podcast I’ve heard. And exactly what I needed right now. Thank you

I left 20 years ago and I still worry about speaking out publicly bc of how my family would feel or react.

I enjoyed hearing your story, including your songs! I look forward to watching more of your content!

A very interesting and insightful video. As a British Never-Mo, my deep interest in the lived experience of ex-Mormons, and the thought processes that leads up to them leaving the church, comes from having spent three months as a live-in worker at a hikers’ hostel which was owned by a Mormon family in southern Utah (Mormonsville) in 2018. Whilst I was there, I went to church with the family, read Mormon literature (books and magazines), watched some of the televised General Conference, and observed the attitudes and family dynamics. I was in Utah over Thanksgiving, and accompanied the family up to Salt Lake City for a family get-together (the wife’s parents and descendants) which numbered over a hundred people. I stayed at the homes of different members of the extended family for a several days, and I asked them about their mission experiences (in Russia, Mexico and Uzbekistan), asked them whether they had ever doubted their faith, and how they would feel if one of their children dated or married a non-Mormon etc.. I, myself (an atheist), have lived and worked in seven different countries, as a journalist, teacher and university lecturer amongst other things, but my three months spent in the midst of the Utah Mormon community (situated just five miles from the FLDS community at Short Creek, on the state line with Arizona, so I would be shopping for groceries in Kanab alongside the women and girls in their prairie dresses) remains one of the most interesting periods of my life. To have observed lives where every aspect is determined by a religious ideology and thought control was fascinating.... and sobering. (When I walked past the local elementary school during recess, I watched all these blond-haired little Mormon children running around and playing, and wondered what the future would hold for them, with the course of their lives already prescribed, with no deviation tolerated.) Five years on from my Utah experience, I continue to watch the ex-Mormon community RU-vid channels with great interest. I am so glad that such material is available and accessible for those whose lives are dictated by their religion but who may feel unable to question it publicly; for those who are in the process of transitioning out of a high-demand religion, and for those who have already done so... and also for the wider world outside of the Mormon bubble, so that we can gain an understanding of the psychological harm the religion causes to individual lives and the consequences for those who leave the church.

Holy shit you’re funny in songs and the spoken word??? I’m absolutely amazed!!!

Love love love this! You talk so openly it feels like we're right there with you. I have teenage daughters and would be so proud if any of them grew into women like you, with confidence, intelligence and humor (I know they will because they're awesome!). Thank you for all your work here!

Thank you for sharing your story! I’ve been hearing bits and pieces of it since you were on John’s podcast, but I loved this comprehensive timeline. I love that you are in touch with your intuitive nature. Which will just get stronger and stronger as you use it. Life is messy for everyone. Welcome to taking off the rose coloured glasses! Lol.

I’m sorry I’m a continuously commenter. I won’t wait until the end of an episode, whenever I hear something that speaks to my truth. I’m just going to comment as I go. While our stories are different, I had a lot of the same feelings, personality traits, and coping skills that you did. Being a comedian and making fun of things people normally wouldn’t is what helped me cope and basically frame me into the person I am today. Love you Carah! Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your personal experiences and truth. I’ve had trouble finding community since deconstructing, but I’m glad I’ve been able to find it here in your videos.

My soul has been needing this and I am heartbroken with relief hearing your every word. I am only partway through my first time watching but I have had the thought now more than 10 times already that I want to play this again. And probably repeat it as many times a day for ever. I don't have the words on my own to articulate my faith crisis and I have been consuming information at an overwhelming pace. I have been faced with the congruency of , one, excitement and anxious desires to understand more and hear perspectives and establish myself in new communities. On the flip side, I'm emotionally grieving and feeling shattered and fearful of social repercussions from those in my neighborhood and workplace and also my family who is still in. It's such a broken feeling. So I am now at a place of hesitation, because I'm trying to protect myself and gently move through this grief process, and also trying to be gentle with myself as I begin speaking these personal new beliefs and post Mormon mindsets. It's like I'm a baby learning new words and learning how to speak for the first time. So hearing and watching you be so eloquent with exactly my same sentiments is honestly the most incredible gift. They empower me and validate me and I know that with replaying this I can gain confidence in similar eloquence, while connecting to my story and my truths. I barely know you and I'm so new to all this. But I love you more than I can explain. I love this and I thank you 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️

Aloha my favorite apostate! ALWAYS happy to see you. I look forward monthly to seeing you with John Larson on Mormon Stories. I love your first hand insight and quick wit!! Congratulations on going solo! Now, I have one more channel to look forward to watching!

Thanks for sharing your experiences and for being so awesome!

I love you as a podcast host. So easy to listen to!

I really appreciate your nonjokey persona. Thanks for letting me getting to know you better. ❤

You're always the best, C-Money; love you to bits

So excited to watch this 🥰

I FINALLY had the chance to listen to this. Sorry, been a hectic couple of months. I just have to say that your story resonated with me so much. The comedy to cope thing hit HARRRD. I'll be catching up here and there on your videos. Thanks for everything you do. Love the outtro. We're all messy people in a messy place messily trying not to mess up.

You are so brave! Thx for showing up! This Halloween is my 10 year mile mark beeing what I call "out!" I want to appear on your show to share secrets...

I thoroughly enjoyed this! I especially got a lot out of the last 20 minutes! Thank you Carah!!! I will follow your new channel.

Yessss!!!! Thank you so much for sharing!

GREAT video, you've got a knack for this. Thanks for sharing such an interesting and fun look into your past and personality.

This is so helpful for all kinds of deconstruction. Thank you, Carah 💗

Carah, your articulation of your story is amazing! So love enjoy listening to your podcast👍🏻👍🏻 2 thumbs up❤

You are so amazing and brave and strong. I love what you’re doing xxx

Carah, its been really interesting getting to know you over the past couple of years. In this video (I listened through its entirety) I feel like I finally got to know the authentic real Carah. It was refreshing to see you set aside (mostly) your nuancehoe sarcastic comedy strategy (although I appreciate that too) and come down to earth with an authentic calm reasoned testimony based in love and critical thinking... very refreshing. Most of what you've said I can identify with as well; almost every sentence, frankly. The difference for me is that when I had to admit that when I thought about the evidence for the divinity of Christ, rather than saying I have none and therefore dropping that belief too (most exmos are atheist) I felt called into searching for that evidence. I graduated Bible college (2006) and I graduated seminary (Bethel, St Paul, M.Div. 2014) and I discovered that there is an overwhelming plethora of evidence for the divinity of Christ. I would recommend the book from Lee Strobel... "The Case for Christ". That said, I so much appreciate your journey. We have very much of the same "shelf" and some of the very same experiences that come from the weight that breaks that shelf. This 2hour video was very much worth listening to (although I confess listening on 1.25 speed) and I appreciate your candor and authenticity so much. You rock. marcus

Thank you for sharing this with us, Carah

Thank you for your honesty and transparency. It is a huge help to people deconstructing.

Fantastic video, thank you for sharing! I've never been Mormon but became a Christian at 12 and was super Christian in high school and college and then went through 10 years or so of being kind of in denial about how little I believed about Christianity anymore and last year started deconstructing. It's tough but kind of like when you saw that information about the book of Abraham, once you see it, you can't unsee it. I have a lot of very conservative family members which is sad and frustrating so your story gives me hope that maybe one day they will change.

There's so much about this I could go into but my jaw dropped at finding out your husband was the Aaron on Professor Blastoff!!! I remember that. I'm a huge comedy nerd and Tig has been huge in my life and this is an amazing nugget to find you guys having this connection to her and one of my favorite podcasts

Thank you for being so real! Keep it up❣️

so happy to see this Carah! You deserve the world, I wish this never happened to you

Thanks for being so genuine and vulnerable sharing your story. Never in a million years did I imagine I would be on “this side” of the LDS fence. Much of what you said resonated with me. Appreciate you!

I was laughing out loud as I walked around the house doing my chores & listening to your comedy tunes! You are hilarious.

Love this type of vlog!

Bless you Carah! A great program.

That period song was amazing, I need it on Spotify, your voice is really good ❤

First of all, you’re gorgeous. Thanks to being willing to be so vulnerable and share.

You really are a great storyteller ❤ Best wishes!

Thank you for your story. Very different from mine since I didn't feel the community to my fellow Catholics. I spent some time searching and felt things that felt like divinity but later realized it was me. So that part I really resonated with. I love hearing other's journey and here is a late welcome to a non- divine universe

Oh, thank you, you are such a strong, brave, resilient, and talented person. I just wrote on Patreon how fun it is we shared a childhood geography, but I am so sad we also share trauma. I am glad the church helped you back then. Unfortunately, my religion was used to punish me even as a very young child for my own abuse. Ugh. And look at all the GOOD you bring to the world by sharing your talents , truth, and wisdom! I recently joined your patreon and will donate to your 501c , too. ❤

It is Mormon night for me. Jordan and McKay on natalielawyerchick is on deck after your premiere. Love the songs!👏👏I still miss your levity on Mormon Stories.

Wow, this was an intense story! Thank you for sharing your experience. I saw you on Cults to Consciousness, so I came here to learn more about you. It is very satisfying to hear a tale of someone discovering their own human faculties and personal agency and bravely following the path where it leads. It sounds like maybe you've found your faith in people (I hope?) where it faltered with religion -- that is, people that deal honestly with ideas and information, people that demonstrate integrity, people that act in accordance and consistency with the values that they declare. I'm sorry that it was such a terrible journey, but you made it here, and you did it for yourself! Congratulations on realizing your agency!

Nevermo from the UK here. Discovered you through Zelph on the Shelf. Thankyou for sharing your story. Look forward to hearing a lot more you.

Damn Carah, I really do love your sense of humor! You gotta channel that energy into a standup comedy routine here in Utah! I literally laughed out loud, when you said the “Ted Haggard vibe” 😂 on a previous podcast.

Nuancehoe wrote some great songs back in the day. Also keep it up those were great.

Amazing!

Love your authentic presentation which ultimately is the best pearl of great price you can pass on to others. You go girl!

Love and light !!

Thank you for taking a huge step. I am the father and grandfather of a daughter and 2 grandchildren that are entangled in this mess. Trying to find ways to help my family...so watch and read all I can to one day help them.

Great video Carah. You have a new sub.

I didn't know you were a native michigander! I live in West Michigan

Thank you for sharing your story about leaving a church structure that no longer (or ever?) worked for you. Thanks for the balance of honesty and humor you use in sharing your story.

Loved your story, you told it from your heart so it reached my heart.❤

Keep it going, you’re hilarious and awesome, love your sense of humour 👍🏻

I didn't actually know you played guitar. Great episode!

You totally rock...😂 you're so hilarious!

I love your songs and you sing just fine 😊 I’ve been an atheist for many years now, knocking on 60’s door. I always had a need to understand things rationally, so this is where I arrived. Life is so much better IMHO when you realize you don’t have to believe things without evidence, and it’s been you and your own strength all along that dealt with life. This from a southern woman who grew in evangelical land 😂 You keep doing you because you’re fabulous the way you are ❤❤❤

REDFORD REPP!!!! I'm shocked that we we're born in the same place I definitely felt that MI energy. Love it! I'm excited to listen to your story. We donatin

Having listen to quite a few of your podcasts its quite clear that you are are a very intelligent person who would smash a college degree!

I have spent the majority of my life and a significant amount of time to understand the psychology of religious belief. This includes hundreds of deconversion stories. The story of your history and deconversion and the thoughts that were dominant at particular points in your life have been exceptionally insightful. I want to thank you and to express my admiration.

You go!!!!❤❤❤❤ love your 🎵 songs😅 First let me say I am so glad your sister is here, I thought for sure you lost her, but in a way it sounds like back then, you felt like you did. If it wasn't for you, John & others I wouldn't have any idea why leaving a church would be such a big deal. Thank you for the work that you do. However my Mormon neighbors it took years to develop a trusting relationship with ate barley speaking to me 😅 I binged Mormon stories and other podcast in my hot tub all summer and realized just because I have a tall fence doesn't mean they couldn't hear everything. One day they slammed their patio doors closed.😮

Mr period 😂😂😂 You are awesome and hilarious ❤

Thank you 😅

Carah, I’ve only just stumbled upon you and upon this video, and I can’t even begin to say how much your story resonates with me. I grew up in a very conservative Christian household that was very faithful in our charismatic Christian cult. And while that church was actually quite anti-Mormon, I’m shocked at the word-for-word similarities in some of the terminology and coercion: stay in the boat, put it on the shelf, stay true to the end, etc. All the emotions you described along your journey are ones that I’ve felt so deeply, and I could relate to your story so much - thank you for speaking out and sharing your story.

❤ Hiddey Hoe ❤. Carah love this long form format. Plus you really are an excellent singer/songwriter. I was totally expecting something very juvenile but wow, I was surprised. If you are looking for ideas, I’d love to for you do a deep dive history and personal experience into BYU?

Amazing! Listening, I see how gullible I really am. This month alone, I’m so disappointed in the behaviors of people-I trusted them and naively thought they would behave honestly because I do. Wasn’t in my mind to even think about distrust because I wouldn’t do that!

I am so glad you feel you are in a safe space to talk about your CSA. As a victim of CSA from a wealthy employer, (owned one of the finest restaurants in the MN lakes area) I have been longing for a space where I feel free of judgement.. besides a private therapy section. The doubt I hear from outsiders creates the furthest distance from my truth.. it feels like gaslighting.

i have been following you and shelice for a little bit now, i have also left the church a few decades ago. i was a convert with the worst baptism ever! too personal to put here but let’s say i had my interview the day on my bap, my missionary’s were anxious to get me in the water they just thought let’s do it all on the same day! so i go to talk to the elder about my very personal things and he asked some questions and i was like oh yes to that one ☝️ then he was like whaaaaaaa? yes? oh oops 😬 meets get you into the bishops office to talk about that! then i went into a room to talk about something that i did when i was 16 and like not even my own dad knows and i gotta tell this man. he wouldn’t let me get dunked that day, i had to wait a week while i repented… so i had to send everyone home… probably should of known them to run 🏃‍♀️

Thank you! Similar story but grew up Baptist. Love you!

Thanks for sharing.

Super important question:!!!!!!! Are those Joseph Smith bookends???? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thank you so soooooo much. We should talk sometime. I 'get your story'.....I have watched a few of your podcasts over the past few days. ❤ We have MANY 'common paths' ....its CRAZY. Thank you for your honesty & courage. 🙏🎯🀄

Im just mad i didn't see this vid earlier... love this energy

Wild! My husband grew up in Redford, MI but left in 1992. (Never Mormon here, but your content is interesting & slightly addictive).

Thanks!

You are so Smart, Cara. Great Pod Cast.

Yes the church is very narcissistic in my eyes and they don't have to change I'm so thankful for you sharing this story thankful for your wisdom and insight God bless