Why Men Feel FEAR After They Met The One 

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My dad met my stepmom kind of the old fashioned way hehe, they just celebrated 20 years of marriage. My dad was single for YEARS while he raised me and when I became a teen and went to live with my mom, he really wanted a relationship and put an ad into the dating section of the newspaper when he was in his early 50s and found his perfect other half. I think it’s such a cute way to meet, so rare ❤️

You can't make a mistake, with the right person.💗

The tragedy is that many men are never able to admit and address these fears.

*The best time to love with your whole heart is always now, in this moment, because no breath beyond the current is promised.*

Sadly, he’s 55, I’m 43 and he lacks emotional maturity. We have attraction, chemistry, compatibility and shared values but I didn’t realize the emotional maturity could be the dealbreaker.

They think you're "The One" for him because you're just his fantasy, however, he's NOT the right man for you because he's immature. A one sided relationship never last. He cannot have a good relationship to any women he likes unless he's healed and he's changed.

When it is "real", the fear of "loss" is real. The same way you lost your son, the danger of going through that pain again is real. That is completely understandable. You are so right, Jonathan.

What annoys me the most is that I have the same fears yet I fight against them to make room for love, but the other person can't meet me half way and just decides to end things after everything seemed to be going well, he was the one pursuing me, etc., and I open myself up, show respect towards him, and suddenly "you deserve better... I'm not ready yet". 😢 This is not the first time something like this happens, and it is tiring. I'm as afraid as you are, I've been rejected probably more times than you have, I'm choosing you and bringing a lot to the table but all I ask from you isn't money or anything like that, but true commitment, true love and care, and we can work together everything else. It's frustrating, painful, exhausting, and it's not loving at all (even if the other person pretends they are being "heroic").

Gave up dating a long time ago and definitely not about to start again. It makes no sense to go on a bunch of dates just to be left with nothing. I’d rather be alone and enjoy life by myself and these men now days aren’t even worth the time, energy, nor effort.

No worries. . . 💗everything will fall into place because what's meant to be is meant to be.💗😁

Very refreshing to hear things from a man's point of view. It has sometimes felt like men have a secret pact not to let women know their innermost feelings. I'm noticing more & more men are integrating more with their emotional nature & expressing more. Is beautiful. Thanks for putting yourself out here & sharing your perspective🙏😊

Life is hard to deal with, dating someone should be easier.

We communicated well, and both emotionally mature. Lot of passion and I could see us going somewhere. He was a “Have nots” but faithful we could build. My deal breaker, and this is a common one for us ladies was his inclination and habit for distracting self with porn, lust etc. Spirit has a way of revealing to me everything needed, so ultimately at the end, I had discovered by chance that he was sending sexually charged messages with a stranger. When I asked him, with sincere and calm curiosity if he felt any remorse or regret for his actions and he said no and says it felt innocent - that he was simply “bored” that day. Done. Over. Bye bye. Still, it hurts. I loved him.

Sometimes immature guys can become mature, they just need a little push...Once I was dating a guy who was acting weird at the beginning of the relationship (not calling, rarely texting) and I spoke my truth about us. I told him how we don't need to be together if he doesn't feel the way I do, there are plenty of people out there who may be perfect for us and we don't have to waste time...Than he said, no no, we will change that! And he did, we had a great relationship for 6 years And I rememeber before we started dating we kissed on a party, afterwards I was expecting him to call me but he didn't. About 2weeks after that my friend's husband said that I have to contact him because he doesn't know where the two of us stand 🤣🤣🤣

I am 51 years old how hard does it have to be ... WTF IS WRONG WITH TODAYS MEN ???????

I’m so sorry for the lost of your son. I can’t imagine your pain. ❤

The capacity you have to love means that when you grieve, it will hurt. Remember, we have moments in life, hold onto them and keep going. Your heart is big and it’s worth sharing. God bless you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

Thank you Jonathan. I understand well, what you mean in being so vulnerable. I lost my husband to cancer 5 years ago. I needed to get myself in a better place first. It is worth it before finding that right person for me! I have found him after getting to my happy place and passions for myself after my loss. Love you all! Take heart, it is possible to find that love of your life, after getting to your best place, loving yourself first! ❤️🤗😘

Fear steals our joy when joy is critical to living a life of fulfillment. We all deserve love n joy. Fight through the fear n live your best life Reminder for myself

Thank you so much Jonathon. I always enjoy your take, spin & wisdom 🙌

Yes, Jonathon! U hit the nail on the head 🔨 You have such a fascinating way of explaining & breaking down concepts that most individuals are not able to comprehend or notice on their own. 🤗👍💯

Hi Jonathon, Thank you so much for sharing your videos. It’s so helpful to hear different points of view. Understanding = love and compassion!

Thank you 💖 Love the Tshirt and the meaning behind it.

So much on point!!! Really hit home!!!

Thank you. This is helpful. Also, so sorry you suffered that financial loss a decade ago. That's a hard blow to one's life. You didn't give up revealing true inner wealth of strength.

So good to hear from you as always. Liked the mug and the message and also the T shirt but when I got to know about your son I couldn't stop my tears as I just couldn't imagine just by getting to know I felt this and what you might have gone through. I too have an 18 yr old son who is going to be 19 soon my only child. My whole world revolves around him. Just to be around him as his Dad is away on job in a different country I have left my job and my teaching career. I don't know how I would have dealt with it. Thanks so much for d vdos. We get to learn a lot and see things from different perspectives. Ya men and women should be considered equal rather than tagging them in genders and we all are individuals and can feel things differently right..Much love and a virtual hug to you for more power🤗😊🙏

I just soak up everything you say. There is so much wisdom with experience. I lost my oldest daughter when she was 28. It was in 2014 and i have not been able to mourn like most people do. I used denial like a pacifier. It worked a little until i couldnt fight it. Since she had lived across the country i just pretended she was there. I knew and know its unhealthy but i couldnt handle the truth. Anyway i am so far from being ok. You give me hope i dont have to just wait to die. I might have love someday . Thank you and God bless you. ❤

I agree with you. I lost a son at seventeen. I guess I have a sense of abandonment, and I also have a feeling of it was his time and I was so blessed to have spent the time I did with him. Sending love to you and I am very impressed with your thoughts on emotional immaturity. What a wonderful way to size people up. I believe they don’t think they can change because they are in a very uncomfortable comfort zone. And scared to death to confront their fears.

That was really great information given concisely. I got a lot out of it. Thanks!

Love this video!! Love them all!! You are such a great help!! I love and appreciate your realness and honesty🎁

Opening our 💗 to love does risk fear. It's natural to doubt one's intuition after a few non-starters. This video confirms my idea that the 'more right it feels, the more careful I should be'. As Esther Perel says 'desire needs space', so feeling sure about someone needs time to process as well. Whilst I've changed incredibly with inner work, when the rubber meets the road I'll truly see my relationship skills in action.

This was fantastic information. So clearly communicated. It provided much needed answers to many of my questions. The timing of this video for me was also perfect. Whatever the algorithm is, RU-vid did a great job making it appear on my feed. I also want to say thank you for sharing such personal information and sorry about your loss. I appreciate your effort you put into these messages. 😊

This is another excellent video. Everything here is very helpful and provides a lot fir us to think about. Yes Dating is something most people would avoid if they think about how painfully it can play out.

Great video Jonathon. Love the T-shirt and coffee mug and the setting. I have been going through some really difficult things and haven't always been the best company recently, but my lovely man has stuck with me. I know he is doing his best to support me. He is emotionally mature and 'a keeper'. Thank you 💖 from Australia xx

Great, honest, and direct. One of your best videos.

God bless you Sir! Thanks for sharing!

It’s so true being afraid to speak your truth. Certainly I have that fear often but one must do this kindly

I totally enjoyed this video, gained so much insight. great to see you calm and more collect. looking good, great job 💕💕

It's a miracle that I came across your video. I've currently found myself in this situation and didn't clearly understand why I feel half in and half out. Your explanation has hit the nail on the head though. Thank you sir.

We were both terrified lol still have the fear factor from time to time , over a year and very slow dating process as we both understand we have past issues still healing from ... It's hard d but it's worth it as now just turning 50 it's a relief to know someone else gets it ... I'm so happy we found each other and have opened up to the word love 💓 btw not living together and keeping our financial matters seperate so as to not losing the independence factor helps so much

I enjoyed what you’ve said here. I’m sorry for the loss of your son. I see and feel your tears. I lost my brother in February, unexpectedly. We were very close, I can’t seem to move forward. Because of the tears and grief. I dated briefly but don’t seem successful. I hold back, I feel the rug will be pulled out from underneath me. I’m afraid my heart can’t take much more.

Definitely true! I can feel him is working on himself. He is moving forward with me. I can tell he wants this. I still can feel his anxious energy and I don’t know why. Other than it, our relationship has been great. Just taking our time.

Thank you so much for your insightful thoughts about relationships and how to rebuild healthy love. You are amazing! I needed to hear this! God bless!

This is so informative. Thank you Jonathan 😊

I love your insight and guidance ! Thanks sincerely for sharing to the over 40 ages people who want healthy relationships ! God Bless! 😁

Thanks Jonathon! You are not alone. We all fear making mistakes. The last two gentlemen that I dated both just disappeared. Both men have been divorced. One of them has been divorced twice. I’ve never been married and do not have any children. And you are right! I have trouble voicing my wants because I fear appearing too needy or desperate.

One of your best, J. So tough to navigate the dating landscape these days.

I love this video and it is very true for women as well. When I really fall for a man, I tend to withdrawal because of fear of being hurt.

After years of living with a man who "loved" me so much he resented how much "power" I had over him, and showed me how on several life threating occasions........never any man ever again!

Thank you for dispelling the gender BS, we're all human! We all have emotions and handle them differently!

You taught me so much in this video Jonathan. Like the relationship iceberg. So insightful. I'm truly grateful! I'm a 50 year old woman, divorced and still single now 8 years later. I'm in therapy. I realise I'm emotionally as well as financially unstable. I have to work on this first. Sooner I will not be able to have a healthy relationship I don't think. 🙏❤

Very helpful insight and information. Thx!

I just love listening to your talks. They make sooo much sense. You are able to articulate what i have taken 30-40 yrs to work out, i could never fully explain the thougts and feelings about relationships, that i was going through . Now im much older and have it together, know what i want, where im hoing and how im getting there. I feel too worn out and i dont want a relationship atm. Wish you coild vome to OZ

A beautiful heartfelt video today Jonathon I love and appreciate this and we can all learn from it. I pushed the same lovely guy away three times and now realise it was due to fear of perceived pending eventual loss. It was a beautiful relationship and I know what you mean by ‘real’. It was the most real relationship I’ve had and the fear was one I’d never experienced before. Now we are apart which has been heartbreaking for me but I have been working through your book list and recently listened to your own self love book and am concentrating on that. I did think I was a whole person but know that if I had that much anxiety then I have work to do. Thank you 🙏

Yes I do love your shirt Jonathon!!! #staysalty #onelove

I like you, you have such a great energy. Thanks Jonathon

Another great video, Jonathan! Thank you.

Jonathon follow your own advice. You always introduce good arguments. Thank you

Very helpful, thankyou. T-shirt is cute!

Thank you Jonathan it makes sense. Mags in Scotland.🌷🌷🌷

Awesome vid thank you Jonathan ❤️

This video is very touching, Johnathan! Thank you 😊!

Consistently some of the realest relationship advice out here. Thank you! ❤

You are always on point. Thkyou

You are such a genuine, delightfull man. Great content. Conor must be so proud of his dad. Much blessings.

Thank you for your insight very inspiring 👏🙏👍

Many prayers and blessings to you.

Thanks Jonanthan, I have been listening to you recently… in fact I discovered you recently!

Good morning Jonathon , everything you said is true . You are amazing 😉 Thank you for this awesome video and Have a Great Sunday . Best regards from Milan , Italy 🇮🇹. Sending hugs 🤗 😘

Just want to give you a compliment ....I notice your hands while demonstrating the iceberg sketch..👌 and thanks for sharing this powerful information.

Always expert advice Johnathan!!

I notice that he doesn't want me to leave when I visit him, but he just swallows those feelings. I asked him if I could stay on his couch and he said no. I am wondering if he thought I just wanted to stay in his couch to save money. I didn't want him to feel used. We're in love so everything is so sensitive. He's 43. I wasted too much thought in complainting to friends that I thought he wasn't interested in me. I shouldn't have listened to his words and should have listened to his body language because on Christmas day, he said he had wanted me to be his girlfriend and he said to me that I told everyone I wanted to marry him. I didn't. He's just too shy to ask me himself, so he made that up to get me to ask him to marry me. That's why his mother asked me why I haven't married him. He seems crazy, but it's just shiness.

This video is an absolutely, fabulously well said and extremely helpful way to express what happens when men are emotionally mature or not. Does that makes sense? Thank you for your time and effort!

in 16 minutes you explained it well. I noticed some young couples have this type of relationship of balance. They probably have the same hobbies, values a sense of humor. Probably the big part of it is empathy.

Great video today, Jonathon. It is really meaningful to me. I have run up against the "I'm afraid to make a mistake/I can't afford to make any more mistakes" situation with a guy during the development of what feels like a serious relationship. I have even pointed out to them I already HAVE or have already gotten over all that material stuff they are so worried they cannot bring to me, which in both case made no difference at all as far as I could tell. So, I listened VERY CAREFULLY to your valuable POV. I think both sexes need to be coming from authenticity 100%, 100% of the time, as this is a dicey situation. I found it helpful you emphasized women (and in my opinion, men, too) should speak their truth and do so with kindness. I love that. That approach is so healing and hopeful as both sides sensitively wade through the analysis process. Just wanted to thank you! I appreciate your work very much.

My fear is no longer that love will be taken away. But that it isn't reciprocated and I am just making it up in my head. I have loved and lost loved ones. But romantically its been one sided love.

I totally understand , i too lost my youngest son. Im' aware that i might be trying to fill the void that my wonderful child has left . Getting close can make you needy and in the end you are just hurting more ❤

Thank you Jonathan Aslay. I always watch your videos and even bought your self-love book. There's only 2 relationship coaches I literally follow, it's yourself and Matthew Hussey. Both have different flavours to deliver and very insightful. I follow both of them because sometimes it's not about because I have a relationship issue, it's the KNOWLEDGE AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE they project and it just helps me become emotionally more mature and I can incorporate it in my daily life plus improve my relationships not just with my partner but with everyone. That's why I thank Jonathan and Mathew - they are my golden relationship coaches! sending loves

I feel your pain! I also lost a son. What you're feeling is a very real heartache. Much love and hugs to you, Jonathon!

I really appreciate this video!

aw now I know why he pulled out blaming pandemic, it’s a 6 yrs relationship that’s why it’s kinda hard for me that cause anxiety ,hard pill to swallow but then , after listening to you several times I’m now getting back on track, I’ll move on and life must go on without him . Thank you so much for helping me realized this 🥰

Hi Jonathan, thanks for the video and yes I do like the tshirt and the mug, most of all I appreciate you sharing so I take the time to listen and learn. Appreciate you Jonathan 🙏😊👍💯❤

Thank you for your videos Jonathon! You have helped me realize that I also have an avoidant attachment style and I get in relationships with men who are the same because they avoid talking about feelings and we never move forward. Eventually the relationship fizzles out or ends because of life events. I'm tired of being in relationship limbo!

Thank you so much for all what you share! I can't say enough how it's valuable to me!!!! So sorry for your dearest Son 💓.... I LOVE your t-shirt and especially because it's your son's nick name 💖 One day we'll all meet!!!!!! There is no doubts!!!

So sorry for your loss.

I like what you said ,the right guy press forward...the wrong guy fadding away...❤

Thank you, Jonathan, for not yelling or cursing

Thank you so so much Jonathon

“What would love do, and how would love respond?”.. lightbulb moment, thank you!! 🙏🏻

Really great video..thank you 😊 💓 you did good 👍

Thank you so much you are the Best Big Brother any lady could Want And your T shirt is all love and That’s the Best Kind Many Blessings to you and yours 🙃🌺

Amazing info!!!

What the heck I've opened up to many guys in the past then took a break for over a decade focusing on my own interests. Then I met a guy that came out of nowhere. We got on, but yet another bootie call... Here's me thinking there's mature aged fellas that have nots and too afraid of their own shadow... I can make myself happy, but it's more stimulating to share a life together as a team.

Very enlightening.

This makes total sense. 🤗

Your messages have been popping up randomly for me like a sign from the Universe. I’m dating someone who’s 46, I’m 29. Our connection has been so intense since the very first day we met and has only intensified over the months. I just know he’s the one. He’s been emotionally immature , in and out , ghosting e.t.c. But there’s times when he’s tried to indirectly explain to me why he does these things and I overlooked it and didn’t really grasp what he would say. But the more information I obtain in this matter the more understanding of him I am. Thank you , this was just a little confirmation for me. 🙏🏾

I am so sorry you lose you son. God bless. ❤ Thank you for the advice.

Yes. Every time my words hint at true feelings, I have to be prepared to go about a week without much communication... From my p.o.v. I fall back to the thought, "you must have really been in love when you were married to allow that experience to have such a profound impact on the present." I am aware that I may be rationalizing my frustrations so I am patient. This video helped me see things in a more compassionate light, thank you Jonathon. Love how you put your heart into your work

Thanks Nice T-shirt and mug 👍