Why Men Think Suicide Is The Solution  

The first person to ever tell me "i love you" without me saing it first was my daughter at the age of 7. I was in tears the whole night.

About 20 years ago I worked in a locked mental health unit. There was an elderly man who was 99 who was there for suicidal ideation. He told me, " My wife is dead. My children are all dead and my grandchildren are all dead. I do not know anyone." It did not feel like mental illness.

Feeling lonely when you are in the presence of others is profoundly isolating.

“Have a life that is no longer worth living”. That’s exactly it.

When I was at one of my lowest points one time, I called the suicide hotline to try and get some help, and after talking to the lady on the other end for like a minute, I got distracted by a car passing weirdly in front of my house, took maybe 5 seconds to look at it and that’s being generous. When I went to raise my phone back up to my ear I saw that the phone call had ended. It shook me so hard it completely took me out of my suicidal state and I started laughing like an idiot over the fact that I was suicidal, reached out to the suicide hotline for help, didn’t get help and got hung up on. Ironically enough, by not helping me not commit suicide, the suicide hotline helped me not commit suicide.

Yeah, this is real. The feeling of reaching out and having no connections is real. That and the feeling that life isn't worth living. It is getting harder to see an emotionally and financially stable world right now. I relate.

Sometimes life just becomes unbearable due to loss, finances, and circumstance. My heart and soul goes out to anyone also suffering. It’s not that most of us want to die, it’s just the pain, suffering and stress becomes almost unmanageable and suicide seems like the only solution. It’s like our mind is scrolling through all the solutions and suicide is just the one that is closest to our reach

This is so true. Now amount of therapy talk is gonna change reality.

“They try to connect with others and they get rejected.” I felt that one deeply.

Ive felt this struggle. The first time i cried my soul out was when my daughter at 8 years old made me a bag lunch for work with a note that said "I love you daddy have a good day at work" sat in my car at work and balled like a baby because i felt no one cared especially my wife at the time and just took everything I did for granted. When she was older she told me she started making me lunch because she got tired of seeing me barely eat while mommy ordering food for herself and going out with frends to eat before i would get home. Didn't even know this was going on as i was working 2 jobs at the time. Happily divorced now. Daughter is 23 now and i still have that note. Its locked in a safe with my most valuable possessions. That note has gotten me through some rough days through the years.

My brother died by suicide when I was 15. He was 22. It was the most shocking and depressing thing my family has ever gone through. Sometimes I wonder what he would be like today. Would he be married? Have children? I wish he had reached out to someone. I wish he wasn't so sad and hopeless to have decided death was the best solution. We miss him.

Im a 35 year old single man, lives alone, no girlfriend, and most friends are in loving relationships. I feel lonely and isolated alot. My nephews birthday was just the other day and I bought him a marvel set of character toys as a present, my stepfather video called me to show me him opening my present i got him, i then asked my nephew who his favourite superhero is and his reply was "umm you". After i hung up i had to fight tears at work. Stuck with me all day.

I told my friend “Be safe” when he was walking back from where we met up on campus. He’s tall, 6’2” or so, but he stopped and he stared at me for a few moments, and then he came over and hugged me. I was confused, and he explained, “That’s the first time someone’s actually said that to me.” and my heart broke a little, i think. Edited because multiple people have stopped to ask why I mentioned that he was tall. I mentioned he was tall because generally tall people are seen as more physically capable, regardless of whether or not it is actually true. This almost certainly lends itself to the fact that most people didn’t see fit to tell him to be safe because the idea is “he’s tall so he can take care of himself”, same with those who are more muscular, despite the fact that neither of these are going to significantly matter in a fight if the other person is carrying a weapon. So, ffs, stop getting upset that I mentioned he was tall - I mentioned it for a reason.

being trapped alone in your own mind is the hardest thing having pretty much no one is exhausting

He's absolutely right. It's simply loss of purpose and loss of hope, combined with loss of outlet. That combination is deadly for men.🥺

This is why I smile at everyone at work. I use the few moments I have with these people to try to make them feel seen, heard. I see you, I am here for you. And I wish EVERYONE a good day, good shift, make sure to tell them “drive safe please”…but I make a point of not just saying it. I want them to feel like it’s coming from my heart. I love every interaction I have with each of these individuals and the thought of not seeing them anymore makes me sad. I might not be able to provide everything they may need, but damn if I could I would.

"They try to connect with others and they get rejected ” this statement hurts my heart soo much😢

You have no idea how much success I've had with "my friend you don't want to die, you just don't want to be in your situation"

In life, we need hope. The moment we lose that, then it’s the end.

I work with a guy in his early 40s. He’s got two full time jobs. Gets up in the early morning goes to his first one, arrives at the place I work around 2 and works until midnight, he has a half hour drive home afterwards as well. Man does 80 hours a week. Just a microcosm of the situation our working class people face. There’s a reason people feel out of options. Wishin the best for everyone out there 🙏

hes 100% right Cant afford hobbies Cant afford a house Cant afford a family Cant afford higher education Cant afford a car Stuck at a deadend job Minimal friends if any Its like society still expects men to be completely self-reliant, stoic and have all the answers even though the resources to give men that ability have moved so far out of reach they might as well be non-existent.

My friend died earlier this year from suicide. Part of what fed into those feelings of despair were him feeling suffocated by his grief (his wife and youngest kid were killed in a car accident in 2022 and his other two young kids almost died in that same crash but they're still alive). When you feel stuck and have zero way out now or you think that there isn't going to be a way out later then you see suicide as a valid option. I miss my friend. This year has been hard.

Lack of empathy and community is what is putting this phenomenon on the map…the digital age has warped humanity. It’s sad. I try to be kind to everyone of every age.

Yess 💯 And it’s not only for men. And don’t misunderstand the word connect. You can have a person you love and they love you back but they don’t feel like you, they don’t understand your emotions. So you’re connected but not connected. Like in those cartoons where there are 1000 people around 1 person but the person is still alone in their own circle. It’s worse on the rainy days.

100% accurate imo. I’m not depressed, just have nothing to live for. Sleep, work, eat, repeat. This isn’t a life, why endure it

The most affection I've received in the past few months was when I bumped my watch on a plate of metal at work, and 1 of the managers nearby heard it and came rushing over to me asking if i was alright in a soft caring voice it sounded genuine and I just froze because even though It didn't hurt I brushed it off but her voice had so much concern in it, I cried a lot that night and couldn't think of anything else besides thanking her for checking on me

I wish society would realise how emotionally efficient a man can be. 1 ‘I Love You’ … 1 hug out of the blue, 1 tiny comment to show appreciation, can keep our fire burning for so long. But many men don’t receive these tiny nuggets of motivation their entire lives. We don’t ask for very much at all… I’m a bloke but I still take responsibility of keeping the fire burning in other men. Always drop a compliment or raise something a friend or brother did well - out of the blue. As a kid me and my siblings were tucking into an amazing dinner and we all, almost simultaneously cried out ‘thank you mum!’ And she had the biggest smile on her face. I followed up with ‘thank you dad, you worked hard all day so mum had the tools and ingredients to cook in the first place.’ First time I saw a grown man cry. Try it, you’ll be amazed.

Yeah, I've never been particularly worried about being homeless or losing everything because I always have that 'escape option'. It's helped me get through some really bad periods of stress because I know I've always got a way out..

I felt that. I called 911 before my attempt and they hung up on me. When you reach out and it goes south when you need help you wont ask again.

I remember hearing my grandmother advise my sisters to always offer kind words to the boys in their lives, emphasizing how seldom they receive appreciation. The more I learn about how society treats men, the more I realize she is correct

Last time I had a therapist, she wanted to medicate my depression. But I know my depression is due to circumstance, loneliness, reality. Not brain chemistry. So I refused to go on medication. She got frustrated and tired of me and found a way to release me as a client.

this is so true and I'm glad a mental health worker had the balls to say it. people love to over pathologize mental suffering and anguish when the root of alot of people's pain is external or systemic factors. not saying mental illness can't also just be internal, but it's important to look at the other side of the coin too

Treating suicide for women: you are strong powerful and brave, beautiful, important, and independent, because you are a woman Treating suicide for men: I mean, you got a point.

I’ve seen some people somehow misinterpret entirely Dr. K’s point and dunked on him for “glorifying/justifying suicide”, when it isn’t the case. What he said is ABSOLUTELY correct. I’ve gone through depressive episodes, mild ones thankfully, but never have I been diagnosed with a mental illness, my brain was never truly malfunctioning. The causes were external, rather than internal. We need to make this clear for everyone.

This is so refreshing to hear. I work in the mental health and addiction field and the pathologizing of everybody’s struggles and making it a personal deficit or disease distracts from the actual causes which are pressures on families and communities, and a culture that puts us all in competition while requiring that we all be of service to the Almighty dollar not each other. it is so good to hear you. Please continue with this theme

Thank you for not censoring this video. Finally a video that's just straight up. It's a miracle

My friend is a sociologist and tracked this in men over 50 who have retired. The level of suicidality is very high, as the men saw their jobs and careers as their role in society and once that ended, they felt like they had no role to play.

Man, looking through the comments really shows me how much pain actually is in this world. To all the people that are fighting, I hope it gets better for you!

I called a suicide hotline before and the lady on the phone interrupted me and asked me to stop swearing Kind of ridiculous to ask that to someone on the brink of ending things

The only times I've felt suicidal were times like this. People can feel worthless, betrayed or like there's little to nothing to live for or like life is unbearable regardless of if they have mental illness or not. While I don't generally support any violence (which include suicide), I can understand the urge for it at times. It is up to us to try to have self control and work through it but that's far easier said than done, especially when a lot of these men either have no support network, friends or family, or the ones they do have are abusive or users. Again, no excuse for violence or self-harm.. I'm just saying, we should try to understand these men and women (especially men for these sorts of issues) and understand where they're coming from.

My daughters are keeping me here..Have no mental issues at all..This world despresses tf out of me.Being a man is rough..I almost cane close to ending it all and out of nowhere my daughters called me to tell me they Love me out of the blue..I was so hurt i was going to leave them alone..I made a vow to never think that again..

This is spot on. A lot of guys aren't clinically depressed. The fact that things have gotten so bad in terms of society and relationships makes you look at things objectively and just be like "why would I do this for another 50-60 years?". It's only going to get worse.

The only thing harder than saying goodbye to yourself, Is saying goodbye to the ones you loved

Whoa. That hit home and I've been there, myself. I wasn't 'mentally ill', my life just totally sucked at the time, I was completely alone, and no one cared about me.

"They try to connect with others and get rejected". Those words were really piercing, because that is the truth 😔 Edit: Thanks for all the upvote (I didn't expect such a response). Just wanted to add that I am not in such a situation at all, but I was there and can still remember the pain of being in such a situation. And I am also feeling sorry for those who are in such a situation at the moment. This world can be such a dark place, please threat other people with kindness and understanding 🙏

We had an international student in our student house in college and he, for whatever reason, couldn’t make deep connections with anyone. He was friendly, easy to talk to and had good hygiene. He even bought a dvd for us to watch together but I was too busy with life to sit down and watch a movie. One day we were awake at the same time and he offered to make me breakfast. I realised he needed to make me breakfast more then I needed to eat breakfast. Again, we couldn’t connect on a deeper level but we both tried to talk about more than just the weather. His brother showed up a couple of weeks later and took him home for good because he had said some concerning things over the phone and his family wanted to keep him safe. After he left I found out that he had friend to connect with everyone of the 25 of us in the student building before he left. It made ever one of us reflect on how we treat others. He has a wife and kids now over in his homeland. He looks happy.

What he said about men commiting suicide because they realize theres no way out of a bad place is spot on....basically my life right now ive been working since i was 6yrs old in mexico (im u.s born citizen) as a vendor then when i was 12 started working construction then at 24 started working in warehouses...and now at 26 im working at a kfc and you know what i have to my name ? Nothing...i barely even have clothes...and if i get the opportunity to buy clothes they end up becoming work clothes because all i do is work....and i still have nothing...ive never even had a car and honestly ive come with the realization that im simply cursed nothing i do ever works im not lazy and im not stupid but somehow someway nothing i ever do helps me accomplish anything it doesn't matter how hard i try and ive been at this since i was 6yrs old and i barely have clothes that look good enough to go to the gas station without looking like a bum....it be like that sometimes

As a woman i also go the same path.its very painful helplessness.

As a 27 year old man I feel like the only reason why I'm still alive is because my mom is alive and she is 67 if she passes I literally have no one to confide in or even to speak to so I don't know how I'm going to operate after the inevitable happens because I already know I'm going to be so lost

I've known this fact about myself for a long time. This is the very first time I've heard someone else actually say it. I'm not suicidal, I'm just in a place where I don't belong and I'd rather leave now than stick around for another few decades of misery.

I’m a listener & have always been told by men that I’m easy to talk to & quite a few have told me things they said they never tell anyone. That’s one reason I’m going into the mental health field. I also am very much a gift giver & letter writer. I find what’s important to people & give gifts based on that along with what I hope to be an encouraging word. I hope it really has helped the men in my life. I hate to see so many suffering.

"You just gotta keep livin man, L I V I N" Was a line i heard when i was 17 when i was at a point when i really thought i wouldnt see 25. But every year or so ill come back and watch Dazed and Confused just to hear that line again. Ill be 28 in a few months lmfao Shit hasnt really gotten better but gotta keep trying

My landlord just killed himself, he was 80 and just in a lot of pain. No surgery or pill was gonna save him and he couldn’t do the things that made him happy anymore so he made what to him was a rational decision. RIP Bill

This is why it's SO important for men to build emotional connections and a community outside of their significant other. I did this and think it's what saved me from suicide.

I feel this now more than ever after feeling like I lost the love of my life because of some fights I handled poorly. Going outside, partying, work, money, traveling. Since approx. 9 months none of these genuinely feel like they make me happy or at least make it a life worth living.

Good video. Sadly, I’m confident that my brain is in-fact malfunctioning. Though it’s interesting to learn about this, I believe I can somewhat empathize with that other 50%. .. but.. no strong emotions here :( I’m so tired.

People who criticized him for this statement are idiots. We need to stop assuming everyone who turns to suicide “had” to have a mental illness. There are people who are paraplegic who would rather have euthanasia than keep living. Yet, the US system claims they have to be mentally ill if that is the case. We’ll never arrive at the truth if we refuse to admit we are living a lie.

It’s that “aight ima head out” mentality

For yhe men who are so selfless that they stay only to protect us girls and women...THANK YOU. The men in my life are everything to me, my wonderful partner, my hero Dad and beautiful brother and brother in law. I love these men so very dearly. I know that they have all had terribly hard times in their lives, but thank God, they all made it to the other side. Us women need to keep letting our men knos how much we respect and love them, that life without them is unthinkable

I feel this. As someone who attempted suicide and feels like there is no purpose to life. I'm not even that old. I'm 34 now, did it when I was 19 halfway to 20. I'm here but it doesn't feel great.

I have a friend that committed suicide from this exact scenario. Back in 2017, we were both in engineering school and 5 major things happened in his life that came in way too fast. 1st thing happened was that his girlfriend got pregnant and his daughter was born, 2nd was that his family’s childhood home burned down on thanksgiving the year prior and he lost his truck in the fire. 3rd was that he was failing engineering school and was just notified of academic probation for the following semester. The 4th thing was that his uncle that he was closest to died from a motorcycle accident 3 months prior to the thanksgiving fire. The final straw was when he found out his girlfriend was cheating on him even after his daughter was born. He literally had nowhere else to go. The worst part of it all was that he showed absolutely no signs of depression. There was none of his many friends that he could vent to nor could he relate his struggles to. He felt alone and out of options. Tbh it sounded like a desperate measure.

I would add that situational depression is real and can be just as devastating as clinical depression.

I agree, all my addiction went away when I had a social group of friends to hangout with. It all came back when I hadn’t

I was rejected by a selfish woman who moved on quickly with a random guy she met in a bar into our home of 15 years, tried to commit suicide numerous times but i just couldn’t die. Fast forward 11 years and i have an amazing relationship with my two sons so i’m glad i didn’t leave them without a dad.

Well I can 100 percent understand that constant feeling of being rejected when trying to connect with other humans.

A starving man will survive the search for food through honor and duty, while a well-fed man, but starved of honor and duty, will eat himself in the search of both.

Words are not what we should be scaref of or hiding from, it"s the ability to speak freely about such traumatic and dark inner dialogues with this language that takes the emotions out them and those iconsidered intentions; these thoughts won't be addressed properly if they cannot even speak them out of existence from their mind and vocals. Words such as suicide have to be addressed as vocally as our mental wellweing deserves a competant ear to steer the right path to better health and mental reasoning. These words and inner thoughts should never be covered over or shunned to express as it doesn't allow for proper healing if there's fear to speak a word of your thoughts.. Thanks for speaking this truth openly.

This is actually horrifying. Because that's basically just realizing that your life is over and so you decide to do it yourself. I've had that thought many a times. The distance between those thoughts is shortening each time.

The scary thing about it is that I'm constantly trying to connect to people and groups and I feel I don't belong in any of them.

I would say the strongest tie is loneliness. Divorce, break ups, social outcasts, is pretty much the only reason men ever think about it. I don’t think it’s a selfish lonliness either, it’s knowing you have no one to show love to and care for as well as not feeling it yourself

When one realizes there is no hope of sanity in a disconnected world run by narcissists opting out is absolutely painless and inviting.

That... makes alot of sense. A couple years ago, i was having a lot of suicidal thoughts and ideation, though thankfully i didnt have it bad enough to go through with attempting it. I was in a terrible job that made me feel like i was constantly failing, i was in a relationship where i felt like nothing i did would help, i didnt feel like i could get a job and i felt like if i broke up with her, i didnt think id be able to find anyone else. I didnt have a history of suicidal thoughts before that, but like he said, i really didnt think i had a way out. I wanted to escape. Everything seemed like i had no way out. Luckily, a friend offered to help me get a job with them, and it gave me the breathing room to work on everything wrong with my life and mental state. Im... honestly doing alot better now, and its all thanks to her giving me that open door. I was really lucky, and im really glad i took that offer. I always used to hate when people say it gets better but now i think they might not be wrong after all.

I felt the same. I am usually a very active person, I have good self esteem. But one day, I started waking up, thinking that the reward that life was giving me didn't correlate the effort I was putting in, and it started to be painful. After some months, I started thinking that leaving this world was a good idea. Thankfully, this has changed a lot these past months 😊

Hopelessness. Feeling like you are out of options. Knowing that tomorrow will be the same as today, or worse. Knowing that your best days are behind you. These are the thoughts of a man on the edge.

thwarted belongingness is so true. I always felt extraneous in any situation once I stopped focusing on enjoying the moment or coaching myself through a boring job.

This guy is absolutely telling the truth. I myself am living the life which is not worth living but i still am keeping up. There is nothing that makes me feel like life is worth it but i am still here. Maybe one day i will quit when it becomes a bit of more hell.

I agree that not finding enough value in the world to desire prolonging the experience isn't automatically a mental illness. I'm glad someone had the courage to say it. People have to get up weekly, perform tasks of some sort, pay bills, run errans, do life maintenance things like wash clothes, cook, clean etc. and you have to really have a reason to want to continue doing those things. If we don't see the true problem, how could we address it properly. We have to create a new world of purpose and meaning.

Definitely true and very relatable. I was 15 when I got diagnosed with depression, unsure of why I even felt depressed. About 1/2 a year later symptoms worsen, and I’m put into a residential mental hospital. Stayed there for 3 months, reflecting on how I don’t have a reason to be depressed and comparing myself to the others who have tragic stories. I end up getting raped by another female patient and she tries to extort me. Eventually I’m discharged and moved to php (day therapy at a mental hospital basically) for the next 4 months. Never getting better during any of this time. I was traumatized from the mental hospital experience wanting nothing to do with it ever again. Regardless I was still kept in php for another 3 months after about a month break. Eventually getting discharged and some time passes. During this time I missed about two years of high school, being an already bad student (not delinquent but just not very smart) I wasn’t going to be able to graduate. I still went to school anyways, but none of my old friends wanted to be around me anymore. I heard from my school counselor that they were concerned about me and said I was “acting different” that I wasn’t the same person. Which was true, I was completely numb a shell of the person I used to be. So I had no friends anymore. Then a girl asked me out. Never having dated before and being really defeated and vulnerable I agreed and we ended up dating. I ended up being cheated on, she left me for her abusive ex. This sent me spiraling back out of “control” and made the very numb me very emotional. This lead to a suicide attempt. Which landed me back in the mental hospital this time In inpatient (the highest level of supervision). Where I was able to make some “friends” and bond over our struggles. After getting discharged and going through the php program yet again, I developed trust issues, as once again my friends abandoned me after I helped them so many times. Leading me to this last year. No friends, I missed all of high school, I can’t drive, I ended up developing ptsd and a slight fear of women (especially when a woman touches me) I’m only taking college courses so my parents don’t kick me out of the house, I’m basically broke, I’m failing all of my college courses, I don’t find anything in life enjoyable, I can’t sleep at night, I hate how I look, I can only work so often without mentally breaking, and to top it all off I’m Christian- so I can’t bring myself to actually kill my self because I know hell is a worse fate. Though it doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about it. it all makes me feel as if I was never meant to survive my suicide attempt. That there was a mistake in letting me live. So everything I do feels pointless and only adds to my suffering.

At 48 years old , these have been my darkest days between a devastating breakup and a struggle to find the positive in life. However , I have to stay strong. I owe it to myself. Especially to my future more successful self 🙏🏾💯

Mental illness is a Silent Killer. Even my family do not understand and support me. Being forced to "pretend to be absolutely fine" every day of ones life is exhausting. The response I get is rejection "I've gotta problems with my mental health as well" is what my sisters say. "We just have to get on with it"

In Brazil we have a song called "Warrior boy" (Guerreiro Menino) which tells precisely about these invisible male battles that no one but us as men care about. The lyrics say things like "A man also cries, Also want lap, Kind words, Need affection, Need tenderness, need a hug of your own kindness" Meaning that sometimes we even stop taking care of ourselves even if that is the most important thing At another point the song says something very similar to what the short says it is "A man humiliates himself, Your dream is castrated, Your dream is your life, And life is work, And without your work, A man has no honor And without your honor If he dies, he kills himself" Something like "if a man doesn't see himself in some role that serves the community, family or something like that, he completely loses his value, and the best solution for him is to simply cease to exist. It's an extremely sad song if you're a man going through some difficult times, and sometimes in my worst moments listening to it, it even seems like a warning, so I don't give up.

Men need a tribe. I come from a toxic family and everyone is on their own island. People always say men don’t seek help but that’s not true at all. People just don’t care. So many people are so self absorbed now. Then you get the people who say “I’m going to check back in with you when everything gets better”. I hate those people, they want to say they helped you without even trying. Let’s start a group men.

Wow. That pretty much sums up my life. The only thing keeping me from offing myself is just the fear of doing it🤷‍♂️

I have had mental illness and depression problems for 40 years. He is right, reaching out and being rejected and forgotten by people you gave everything to is devastating. Probably the biggest cause.

What Dr. K said is 100% true. I found myself in this situation in September 2022, arguably my lowest point in my life. I didn’t have anything to my name, lost a couple of my friends due to someone disassociating me from them, with said someone getting me addicted to drugs before completely exiting my life after the damage they’ve done. When you genuinely feel like there’s no hope left and you have no one to reach out to, you think this is the only valid option to take to “fix” everything. All the mistakes suddenly seem fixable within that moment. It wasn’t until I ‘woke up’ and realized that this wasn’t the way life was meant to be experienced I’m so glad I’m here today and have been going into my second year drug-free.

"they try to connect with others and they get rejected" is the most most hard hitting sad but true facts i will ever hear because i am going through that right as i am sure others are too 😔🥺🙈

Exactly why you need to learn to truly love and know yourself. It will give you a foundation you can’t find anywhere or with anyone else.

I have been through many rounds of suicidal bouts, since i lost my mom at a young age. The search for answers on why im still here led me to believe that i have nothing worth living, so i focused on my family to do whats best for them but after my dad lost to cancer, im wondering again whats the point of going through life when sometimes i feel so disassociated from everything. Sometimes i feel everyone is moving so fast paced we lose sight of whats really important (connections). Most peope just go through the motions of life without actually living it. All i want is to lie my head down and someone to just care for me, its tiring to he always expected to be okay.

Every time I get suicidal it's always external. I have mental issues sure, but once I have a suicidal thought I can sit down, make a list of everything thats wrong, fix all those problems, and stop having the suicidal issue anymore until I feel trapped or stuck in a situation again. It's not shocking that people who are rejected socially at every turn would do this.

Shitttt... that last part got me. "Try to connect with others and they get rejected." I feel like I knew that but needed to hear it out load

thats why I started farming, because at least I had something to do, and could turn my suffering into workaholism that made me constantly available to take care of plants, and feed people, who i realized dont care about me, but at least I was busy enough to not self delete like all my friends.

Thank you for actually saying this word. Most channels bleep it or do some other BS. This is a huge issue and shouldn't be censored or cancelled. I appreciate you.

People often don't care until it's too late. I don't know how many times I reached out, and did my best as a "cry for help" but nobody really responds much and slowly stops talking to you if you're depressed for "too long". We're often told it's ok for us to open up, but we see the truth in your body language and your eyes. You want to call us weak and tell us to just "suck it up", but that would be mean. Yet they'll all say "I wish he said something" at your wake, knowing full well you did and they just stood there and watched you kill yourself. They just don't want to feel guilty. But there ARE people who care, I know it sounds ridiculous. I'd never been close to any of my extended family for various reasons until one reached out a few days ago randomly. They admitted something personal to me and it started a dialogue that both of us bonded over pretty hardcore. It didn't take away the pain, or make it "all better", but I don't feel so isolated now. We all need to support each other. I think the time for "who suffered the most" is over. It's time we all admit life can be cruel and terrible for everyone no matter who or where you are in life, and that we should all try healing together. (Edit: I'd like to clarify my "depressed for too long" statement. You can't stay in your depression forever, it burns you in ways you don't realize until you've isolated yourself farther. I should have probably been more specific and said something along the lines of insulting you after about a week about "not being over it". A lot of you have people in your lives that are suffering and you're doing the best you can to help. The appreciation for your efforts to help those people is even less. It's one thing to ask for a shoulder to lean on. It's another to trauma dump and drag the other boat down so to speak.)

I can tell you. I can deal with depression. I’ve dealt with it my whole life. It’s disappointment that gets me. The feeling that I need to do everything, and it still won’t be enough, and nobody cares. So I do it for myself. The only way for men to stay happy is through stability. That’s why I decided to see more friends, that get my thing and try to hope they don’t judge it. Works well so far. There are some that are kind of ruthless but most of the time, they don’t.

Ah. To have it said so clinically and to know it so well is such a strange feeling. The only reason I think I’m anywhere near ‘stable’ is because I still have some folks batting for me. Had I not had my mother, my Nana (god rest her), my papaw, my grandparents, and (despite our many squabbles) my Dad, I’d have probably hung up the hat by now. Tell the people close to you how much they matter. It is better for them to know, than to not know or to not feel that connection. For the real pain is to reach out and feel nothing; I should know I suffered peer isolation for about a decade. College basically crippled my spiral because I met some good folks who helped me put myself back together outside the family circle. Without my family I’d be a wreck.

Suicide doesn't take the pain away it just gives it to someone else -a real gigachad

a lot of people dont seem to realize that having a good life can make it harder because of the internal struggles of potential, the curse of potential as its been called, actually makes us feel more like a failure when we have so much of what we need to succeed but then cant use our free will effectively enough to achieve results. which also leads to the fear of failure as well. and this is only half the story.

Can confirm. I’ve experienced this. We logic ourselves into being suicidal.

I still find it hard to go on, to stay motivated, to care. I hurt all the time, I have no friends or family, and I’ve lost the ones I did.

Yup this is exactly what I’m going through and suicide keeps coming up and I don’t know how I am still alive