Why Narcissist Can't Hear YOU or Understand What You Are Saying to Him 

i did that with a troll i used a phrase.. Resident Troll. You are a resident troll. i took it from Sherlock Holmes. The resident patient. then he started to call me the resident troll? mirroring me like a parrot. Bird brains?

So true

Exactly! My mother has done this many times to me. I would say either “I just told you that” or that I had told her that a day or two ago. I have also heard her tell other people things that I said like it was her thought or idea

@@megpi72 its not just narcissists. people absorb stuff and forget where they picked it up.

that to. I did alone, no We did, or Ex did. funny at times. lack of competency will eventually show ;)

idk how 'ill' doctors have a lengthy career and a stop not put to it-in the field of Psych

Your are NOT alone.. NOT trying to ‘trauma bond’ or anything..just want 🫵🏾 to know 🫵🏾 have been heard. Be Well🦋

You did. You literally did talk to a wall indeed. As did I. I literally said to my brother your a wall 🧱 hello wall I'm talking to you and the wall does not hear you or say anything back. It may Echo your words as if they are his words but yeah. Wall ironic that his name is Paul. Hey wall I'm trying to say something to you. The wall does not respond to you. As it is only a wall. Best option is turn around this is a dead end. Don't wates energy, time and emotion with a wall. It's not good for at all and if you stand next to the wall for too long we'll then the wall will fall. On you and you will be a humpty dumpty all broken. Oh and my favorite is when it will repeatedly stab you quietly and when you finally react to this stabbing attacks you are immediately the aggressive one acting crazy out of nowhere and he is the victim whom is continuing to stab you up while pointing finger saying you are attacking him. It's infuriating outrageous. I did not have a reatcion out of the blue I had a reatcion out of self defense standing up for myself

You’ll forget about her in time

Mf 😂

"You misunderstood me"

That's cold fame confusion

Called*

So true. And when you’re going to play it to him (I always tell him I’m recording him so I don’t understand why he denies it) he starts yelling trying to stop me from playing the recording because he doesn’t want to hear it so he could keep denying it.

The fact that this is real is so heartbreaking

@@preferredprovider1958That’s exactly what a 4 year old child would do in this scenario. That’s another proof that they’re emotionally stuck at that age.

I can totally relate lol!

A wall that gets closer while talking 😵‍💫

That's the analogy I have always used too!

Also I have a new rule in my life. If they do it 3x that constitutes a pattern that won't change. Done. Simple.

@ayoubbeiruty3161 That's an excellent way of taking action to protect yourself and I'm working on it, because I've given people who are abusive towards me WAY too many chances! I need to stick to not allowing them to talk to me again after time has passed too. I don't necessarily mean ex-partners either. 😊

​@@aubreyj.tennant1123That's excellent as well and I need to stop feeling like I'm being rude for ignoring those people if I see them when out and about, because they couldn't care less about me, unless it's to do with them. 😊

If you're confused by people then it's a sign to there's someone lying often

I completely agree with both of these posts, I too am going to take this stance as well. We don’t need to understand these people anymore. I really think keeping it simple as you said, is the best way to be. Thanks for sharing this.🙏🏽

HOPELESS

It's just LESS!

Its even worse when they actually DO.. my ex was half seaf but would definitely use that to his advantage at times when he just didnt want to listen to me

That’s what makes abuse recovery so difficult. The victim has to separate self and genuine reality from the narcissistic narrative. Talk about cognitive dissonance

😊😊

Yes, they give you their Brain

​@@coral4874why would they do that? Whats the answer

@@coral4874 you say "what do that have to do with the topic" and they think you said theirs words don't matter or that their stupid Selective hearing

I have to agree with you

That is an utterly perfect term for it. I can't even offer help without being accused of criticizing.

You hit it on the nail

Yes. It’s absolutely demonic. Diabolical.

A former studyfriend of mine did this all the time. You tell something.....And she starts telling a story that has really nothing to do with it and also is very long and very uninteresting because it is about people you don't know......I saw a lot of people around me walking away or looking very annoyed when she did this....I was too friendly or to codependant to do this.......But I always asked myself if there is a medical diagnose for this.....Really weird .....Their must be brain damage for sure...

Tears. Yes also my experience

Mine would be having arguments and conversations with him self when I was trying to talk to him, I realized it when planning our wedding, I asked purple or blue and he responded "yes yes that's it! " I said witch one ? He responded " I'm gunna rebuild that engine and buy new rims" my jaw dropped, I said you want a rebuilt engine for a color? He said yes you didn't hear me I'm rebuilding the engine. Why are you arguing with me... I was flabbergasted 😢

Two different realities 😊

I'm 61 this year. I have just found out that I have autism and adhd; the perfect storm to be taken advantage of by a narcissist. For 60 years I have struggled out in the world. I finally got ssdi, but I kept coming back to live with my sister because I couldn't make it in the world-- but she never helped me try. Never lifted a finger to help me do anything, despite me struggling so hard all these years-- and then just one year ago I found out she is a narcissist, and I have been watching these videos and Dr. Ramani and Dr. Carter; and working on my own issues of course ! But in exactly 6 days I am leaving for once and for all. Discovering I have autism allowed me to drop the mask, and make authentic autistic friends; and I have learned to grey rock my sister until I move, and on top of everything I am able to keep my grey rock up while having sympathy for my narcissist, who is about to lose me forever. I feel bad for her, but only momentarily, and then I will forget she exists hopefully

You just told my life story.

@lanettiecarter I really feel for you and I've been dealing with a highly narcissistic sister for decades, which nearly cost me my life. Luckily, she lives in another country and I'm low contact with her now. It's difficult because her narcissism might've been mainly caused by a traumatic brain injury from an accident when she was a child. I still need to protect myself though. ❤

@@cyndigooch1162 I'm able to have empathy for narcissists now. Only took one month away from mine. Healing is possible ❤️

@@cyndigooch1162 Yes you do. I have had so many traumatic brain injuries as a child that I KNOW something happened to my siblings. Something really bad.

Get the much needed self care. You matter❤

😢 i feel your pain. Its so fucking sad.

on the other hand, it is not so sad for them. The only person that matters to them is themselves.

You have described me with my sister and her husband 100% it’s awful to say the least. I thought i was the only one going through this and you hit the nail on the head. I have been doing extensive therapy to heal from this trauma

Take a number 😅 it's infuriating

I hate them.

How have things been?

Some simple advice - start getting rid of your own stuff. Don’t keep anything unless it’s an absolute necessity, like you need it to eat, sleep breathe and make money. Get rid of everything else including sentimental items. If you have tolerated living with a hoarder for over 30 years then you must have your own clutter. Get rid of it quietly and sometimes even secretly, if possible. It may take a couple years: your goal is to be able to move out in under 8 hrs, one day, while he’s at work, and he’ll be left standing in a gigantic pile of his own filth with no one else to blame for the first time in his life. By the way… he wants you to leave. He is hoarding to push you out of the house. Your life with him is over. So go, you don’t need anyone’s permission.

You need to quietly pack your things and LEAVE while he’s away, w/ no note or any way of him finding you. What on earth are you waiting for??? Your friends and kids will be mortified if they find out your husband in fact one day does take your life, and they realize your fear wasn’t “the stress,” but actual REALITY & INTUITION. GET OUT NOW

@@UnfortunateTruth-xt7jj if you read between the lines of her comments - and this is *not* a judgment on her, because her problem is likely a trauma response - but she sounds like a hoarder herself, like she has too much stuff of her own to just simply pack and leave. She even has a bunch of dogs that she doesn't know what to do with. She must feel physically weighted down by her own stuff, and she may not realize her problem, because it is being masked by the severity of her husband's problem.

Omg, im so sorry. That is terrifying. I hope u got out.

If your met with a negative response for having a point of view or expression of your emotions , including her withdrawing from you/ silent treatment or notable withdrawal of time etc you are probably right. And then one finds oneself lining up one’s emotions with the expectation of the narcissist. They rarely enquire into your emotions especially how their behaviour may effect you. No disagreement is resolvable.

SUSANAXPEACE Your comments are great. I can see how a member of my family has this superiority over me. It's always been there.

Sounds like my own mother’s twin (emotional maturity wise).

Yep.

So true. It's difficult having narc siblings. My sister's an overt narc and has indeed reflected this on multiple occasions. It's like she is now unable to hold a two-sided conversation whatsoever. I just disengage each time. Protect your energy at all costs.

Same for me. It explains and clarifies what I've battled to make sense of and understand for years.. Any of my attempts to reason with or come to even-compromise with people like this, that seem to tune me out as white noise, to a high degree while others never do , over years hasn't been successful. This video explains the reasons,, so exquisitely. I now have to accept this is how they operate in the world and grieve the fact we will never see eye to eye. Hope, replaced by acceptance, with this knowledge, will help greatly with my future interactions with such people. Thank you explaining this via this video. It will make a huge difference and I'm grateful.

I wonder if that was by design. So many people retire closer to towns where there are more services to help them as they age.

That was probably done to isolate you all, my narcissist ex wife wanted us away from everyone and suggested I sell my home to move to a cabin miles away from town.

Knowing what it is like to live in the middle or no where and we’re again.There is no way I’d move in the isolation of it and all the complications that arise (bad roads,electric down,problems maki bc calls… I’m in the mindset of selling my house to place some physical distance between living space and toxic situations. However,it’ll be close to groceries,pharmacies, banks ,doctors,etc. I have family who live just far enough out I’ve personally experienced the inconveniences. It’s possible some may move to a location they feel control might be easier (of spouse,children or other family members).

Essentially they formed a cult.

After almost two years knowing a lovely young lady, in an experience that got me going to therapy in order to get my emotional and cognitive balance back on track, this is my take on describing that small child I felt I was dealing with at times: There is an inner child inside her, amongst the many inner (broken) sides of her self or personality, sides that are mostly disconnected from each other, or they do (only) briefly combine in order to serve her needs. That child sometimes has the control, the command of her, or better said commands one or more of her sides. Makes her speak and act in ways that seem to be indifferent to the effects, the consequences of her words and actions on the people close to her. Sometimes her words and actions manage to get her into uncomfortable (to say the least) situations. Sometimes she realises that, usually after a while, it takes some time for inner reflection, after the event(s). That child is emotionally and (I believe, indirectly) cognitively immature. It seems to be stuck anywhere between the age of a pre-teen and the age of late teens. She has lived a trauma (being ousted and beaten up by the group of neighborhood children she was a part of) in her pre-teen years. Another trauma in her late teens, (probably prolonged) sexual abuse in her late teens, while in high school, away from her home. In her early 20s she has been for several years in a relationship with a - most likely - grandiose narcissist. It didn't end up well, as he ended up hitting her. The effects of that hit to the head ended up requiring spine surgery 3 years later, this past winter. So, there. That child I am describing here became visible to me - or to my... intuition - due to the contrast between her initial image, that of a very mature and well anchored in reality young woman, and all the rest of her behaviour, her ways of being when we were together. In my opinion, that was, and still is, when it comes to 'new' people in her life a projection, what might be called one of her 'false selves'.

@@elcee7800 btw, we mindful, project, self-reflection, a growing mind reflects, that broken/static mind, just goes to the next thought. Accept that.

​@@mirceaar7988any ideas on what the diagnosis for this girl might be? Borderline? CPTSD?

@@Moon_Fire_Water I'm not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist. I just a guy trying to make sense of someone he cares about, and tries to educate himself on the subject. One of the reasons I'm watching videos like this, among other sources of information. For what it's worth, my subjective take on her is that there are CPTSD traits and also some BPD traits with her. That's how her behaviour as I have got to know and understand it makes some sense to me. Not something one wants to find out and understand about someone they care about.

@@mirceaar7988 What you’re describing is multiple personalities combined with narcissistic personality.

Deception also

Praying for your and your family's healing. It's ultimately a spiritual problem. They have a reprobate mind. God is the only one who can change them. ❤

And I mourn losing my 28 years when I do what you're doing. I pray that you'll find relief and healing, This video is the final nail in the coffin where I kept my hope.

I hear you love 💖💖💖 .I'm there . A much shorter time thank God but Im there

Here I was feeling sorry for myself for 20 years down the drain. God help us all.

I know exactly how you feel

Same

Yes

It is a demon that jumps into people. When they don't know what got into them, which is a saying that goes back thousands of years. Life is nothing but a spiritual battlefield. All mental illness, thought and emotion stems from the spirit world. We can only see a small amount of the light spectrum. Same thing with sound. Even smell. We aren't built to see everything. It's for our survival only.

There are people who think without an inner voice and don't have an internal monologue. It's just their thinking style, nothing pathological. Most thoughts I have are voiceless. I just know what I think. But I do have internal dialogues. Look it up on youtube: "thinking without inner voice"

That's not uncommon. True of about 40% of the population.

Will do.

Yea!!! That’s a great suggestion because it happens. It’s the reason so many drop out of school

Teachers Doctors/surgeons with a god complex, and many others in authority!

My narcissistic ex-wife teaches 3rd grade and she use to tell me about taking pleasure in making students cry. I didn’t even ask for context. I’m certain the same applied to me

That is a great suggestion ! I had a relationship with a highschool teacher who was very kind at the beginning and after a few months started to ignore me and treated me like inferior. There was no love , no empathie at all on his side. He went back to live with his mother after he had had a serious accident in the mountains. It took me a while to realize something was very wrong in him. I asked myself how can a teacher be able to work in the education system with his narcissistic mental disorder ? Very strange !

They are just liars. They do it on purpose to control you. Feeling sorry for them is how they get you trapped.

This is the analogy I needed to read.

In his mind, his responses SUPPRESS and ERASE the injurious speech (criticism, disagreement, etc.)

@@samvaknin thanks