Why Narcissist Desires YOU, Why YOU Fall for It (Conation, Doxastic Voluntarism, Base Rate Fallacy) 

It’s so weird, I knew it was a fantasy in the beginning, and tried to account for this by attempting to be a bit distant in an attempt to not be hurt, but as the years went by, it appears I was sucked into it fully, and started believing the fantasy..although I was still aware it was a fantasy, I willfully ignored this and did not understand narcissism in depth, and Sam as you say, although I knew he was a liar and manipulator, I still had a baseline trust that I came from and believed things he said because I wanted those lies to be truths. I knew if I cross checked these lies, I knew they would be lies, so I remained willfully ignorant, until the lies became so damaging, the whole fantasy and relationship was ended by me. Feels like a sort of reverse discard of sorts, my narcissistic was covert, and showed me “love” and affection the entire time, that makes the break up more difficult, he wasn’t an asshole overtly, and always showed me his version of “love”. What a mindfuck.

I deeply appreciate these videos with the "tough love" perspective that those of us who find ourselves in shared narcissistic fantasies and subsequent narcissistic abuses had a role in it because if we believe the false narratives that we were all just "helpless victims" in this mess then we have no agency to reclaim ourselves, accept our faults, and grow from these mistakes. At first it felt unnecessarily harsh, but as I have learned to tolerate that discomfort and continue listening and educating myself, as well as consciously evaluating my own roles, I had an "ah-ha!" moment--to break free, to heal, to grow from this AND not repeat the same mistakes I MUST take responsibility for my role in all of it. Painful at first yet liberating in the end and that is my primary goal at this time. Professor Vaknin, my gratitude for your work is immense. Thank you.

BECAUSE HE MAKES IT FEEL SAFE AND THAT ITS OK TO RELAX FROM “SURVIVAL MODE” if even for a moment. That is why I ignored the red flags. But his narc side I found it only after we started living under the same roof. In fact it was a scripture in 2 Timothy that God is warning us of who to run from and he has every characteristic that God describes. And that’s how I came to find he is a narc

On point! The narcissist is great at creating immediate trust even when alarm bells are going off!

In my situation things could not have been different, I lacked awareness, and at 50 years old is totally different than 19 years old, I m fine

Crystal clear explanation of a very confusing process. It seems that the object is just that; merely an object in another's repetative play.

This was absolutely brilliant! Thank you so much! I loved the way you ended the talk by empowering those who are or were in narcissistic relationships to reflect upon themselves. Its important to take accountability for their contribution to the shared fantasy. This was very helpful!

My experience on a personal level with practical experience is😂😂 that the psychopathic narcissist often has ADHD, OCD and MPD. This is a stunning video Professor

This is like my story life Sir.Thank you for making me understand.

This is exactly what happened to me, and I ve never heard or read it before. Thank you very much, it clarifies my a lot. It is an energy that acts beyond what happens in reality.

Great lecture. Thanks.

ALEXITHYMIA can you talk a little about this condition

I’m a self aware narcissist

If they find you childlike and are unable to see you or convert you into their mother would it be possible if they take on the role of their own mother and become a very critical parent in the relationship? Thanks.

12:26 damn genius 12:26 20 videos watched and 1st comment. 12:26 thank s for needed insight 12:26

Does it also apply to relationship between child and narcissistic parent? Do they idealise, cling and suck out affection from their children at the same time perceiving and convincing the child that the child themselves is a bad object ? Sort of double bind in a pseudo mutual family ?

Does this mean that it’s possible for a narcissistic person can pass a lie detector test? Can you do a session the narcissism and lie detector. I’m always curious what a result may be.

Brilliant

Thank you, already listening. One question: how do I know if I'm just the victim of a recent narcissist, or also a narcissist myself? I never felt this way since before my narcissistic relationship partner...

Plagiarism VS Narcissism.

Because my brother, a raging covert narcissist, was given my inheritance by my equally narcissist dead father in his numerously changed final will. I must now remain under his fantasy because the residence that my autistic son qnddd I have lived for over 35 years is the huge part of what I was to inherit....this spun 180 ° and I had no idea this had been planned. It was and will remain because I'm trapped in this insane reality..... DUped by my oun father and brother...who is a 2x fellon as well as a sex offender. He is not only a narc but a sex pervert who did a 12 year prison sentence. Why he isn't on Megan's Law totally puzzles me. HELP

what happend to the intro mr. vaknin? I could repeat it while comatose at this point.

Is it possible to be introduced into a shared fantasy with a man who is already in a shared fantasy with his narcissistic mother?

Could you please do a video analysis on Wagner’s The Flying Dutchman?

Love bombing aka Flattery! So when we don' t need to be inflated by anyone and have healthy sense of self and wholesome aelf esteem the flattery fails.

That was a wonderful introduction Sam! Very animated and spirited. Much fanfare and to-do! 😄 🤌

Dear Sam, not totally related to the specific video, but can a person have bdp and be super emathetic at the same time? My recent narc experience made me want to learn more about myself and my disorders. Do you offer individual consulting sessions or would you recommend a colleague?

I don t have a choice

We tend to believe people❤️‍🩹