Why People Call You Passive Aggressive... ft. Tectone 

Mtashed is ready to do the rosaria cosplay

Glad you’re getting help ❤️

Hope you start feeling better and I hope the new genshin update will be fun for you 🙂

Dr.K really hit the nail on what's wrong and im glad you feel better.

I'm glad your getting help teccy

He didn't ask permission to cuss lol. He asked if he can address Dr. K Alok which is his real name.

@@johntresca8531 he asked if it was alright for him to cuss within like the first 10 minutes of the video... Did you even watch it?

@@johntresca8531 did you even watch at all

@@johntresca8531 bruh

@@johntresca8531 stupid is as stupid does lmao

👏👏👏👏👏👏

there's something rubbing me the wrong way about that though. i've seen lots of people actually "desiring" an apology even if i don't understand what i may have done wrong. like let's assume i do wrong to one person due to some body language schmuck i didn't catch upon(i am on the ASD and that kinda stuff is tough to figure out for me) they would of course say they are hurt, and i'd be like... "ok, i'm sorry to have hurt, but... why? like, what have i done?" and i would get no answer to that, in fact, i would only be asked to apologize even more, but... i don't get it. if i don't understand why i hurt someone, how is any words coming from my mouth in the form of an apology an actual apology? how can i feel bad for how they are hurt, if i can't understand why they are hurt in the first place?(and thus apologize for it) and honestly, i find rather silly and nonsensical that some people are fine even with what woul dessentially be a lie at that point, one they even know is a lie(an apology that comes from the only goal of ending the conversation rather than from me understanding their pain and sharing my, well, apologies)

​@@iota-09 I think you're misunderstanding apologies, so I'll try to give you a better framework for how they work. So, say someone tells you that you hurt them. In a healthy relationship, they're probably telling the truth, and it's courteous to assume they're telling the truth even if it doesn't make sense to you. This is especially important in close relationships where you've built up trust. If you believe they're telling the truth, then it's normal to express that you feel bad that you hurt them, and it wasn't your intention, even if you don't yet understand how you hurt them. The danger with asking questions, (and where I'm guessing you might have gone wrong) is that it can signal to the other person that you don't believe them. If you don't fully convey that you believe them, asking questions may appear like you're expressing distrust, which feels bad in relationships where mutual trust is important. Now what Dr. K and this commentor mean when they say "listen first" is that you should listen before finishing the apology. If you quickly say sorry in a way that implies finality, then it will signal that you don't care to understand the situation. Letting the other person tell you what they want to tell you will signal to them that you care about them, and it will inform you on how to avoid hurting them again. Basically, a full apology is a multi step process. Listening, and learning how you hurt someone is important so you can avoid doing it again, but first, and most importantly: you should express that you believe them, are sorry they're hurt, and didn't intend to hurt them. In well established relationships, with minor issues, this can done minimally, utilizing body language and tone of voice, but especially if I had ASD, I'd play it safe and put it into words. It's also possible the person isn't ready to explain how you hurt them. Apologizing by expressing you believe them, are sorry they're hurt, and didn't intend to hurt them may be the best you can do, and that's ok. I hope this helps!

@@duncanrobertson6472 the problem is when the other person doesn't say much though, if they don't say much beyond a request of apology, what do i have to listen to? i may be sorry for making a mistake, and i might even believe them(even though i don't get why they wouldn't believe me when i say i am sorry that i did a mistake, no matter how much i might be more confused than actually sorry, it's not like i enjoy hurting others after all) but if i don't get it i don't get it, that's all there is to it. "conversations are a co-op game", but it doesn't sound like there's much co-operation going on to me if the other person is actively making it so i can't understand what they're even talking about. as for people "not being ready to explain what might have hurt them"... that's just something beyond my comprehension, i simply don't get it.

@@iota-09 "if they don't say much beyond a request of apology, what do i have to listen to?" If you have apologized, told them you don't really understand what upset them and would like them to explain what exactly you did wrong, then they refuse to explain: nothing. You've done all there is to do, unless they want to bring it up at a later point. "i don't get why they wouldn't believe me when i say i am sorry that i did a mistake" This is probably because something in your body language, expression, or tone of voice is signaling something else, and that's causing them to not trust you. If you say sorry, but your face and tone of voice are blank, too exaggerated, confused, angry, etc. then it won't seem genuine. Dr K talks about this in the video when he explains why people say Tectone is passive-aggressive. Basically, if anything you're doing at that point is unusual, it can send off signals to the other person that you're not being genuine "if i don't get it i don't get it, that's all there is to it." Maybe. You should try, but if you still don't understand, you can just say something like "I still don't really understand, but I'm sorry." "if the other person is actively making it so i can't understand what they're even talking about" Kinda sounds like a co-op game with someone who speaks a different language. "as for people "not being ready to explain what might have hurt them"... that's just something beyond my comprehension, i simply don't get it." People tend to avoid uncomfortable conversations. Explaining how you hurt them could be an uncomfortable conversation from their perspective, especially if they're still upset.

Thing is he says so much stuff, and a lot of it is actually bad

@@HaruGita not entirely. It was his fear of talking too much since people actually hate him for it. Dish had some problem with this.

Oh yeah and another thing, a lot of his friends like him for his Tectone persona (the very talkative, sarcastically funny personality), and Tectone is sometimes apprehensive about joining a discord call with his "Friends" (one did randomly hated him outta nowhere and that scares him) because he had to watch what he says in order to gauge of whether this will fucked up his relationship with them again or not. So he was never really himself on his stream except for that one time he actually cried on stream, or the video where he did a game show with his wife (at the end) where chat brought his wife a car and he was barely able to formed a coherent speech when he was talking to her about how amazing it was that chat did it for his wife's safety.

@@Qopa what a weirdo

@@Qopa wdym his wifes safety

What's up check mark

@@StartRunning. 😐

@@StartRunning. Cope. you're obsessed with this man I see you everywhere

@@StartRunning. are you serious rn

@@StartRunning. I'm curious why you think that ?

+1. I like how Dr K is blunt and helpful. But doesn't make any promises or over-reach on any of his conclusions. He points out the problem compassionately and makes the solution clearly, but doesn't minimize the challenge of changing. He does content right, compelling and ethical.

He might have killed reckful tho and pushed him away from getting therapy

@@frostedlambs who rekful?

Believe someone is not a fraud because of the things they say resonate with you < Believe someone is not a fraud because they are licensed which confirms they at least have expertise in the field they talk about and gives them no benefit in lying unless they want to risk their hard work to gain a reputation/license/degree for quick cash.

As someone else mentioned, that's a bad parameter to know whether someone is legit or not. You're low hanging fruit for bullshitters like Tate

You should wach him he makes pretty funny content honestly. Pd:if you don t play like genshin i don t know if you ll like him but it doesn t hurt to try ,also 100%agree with you.

@@jonathansanchezberaldo3010 there is only 24h a day, and too many funny, etc. content to be watched out there, so he should nothing, he could give a peek perhaps if he can afford spending his time on it

@@Tyronom "you should watch him" means the same as "I recommend his content"

@@wicked5999 Well, not for me, but maybe because English is not my native language. And since it's a global language now, it's better to be careful.

@@wicked5999 yea i totally mean that cuz i honestly mean it in that way ,wasn t saying nothing wrong rigth?

*their

@@Xing_travel He's still right though.

and free health care. Richest country in the world yet cant offer its citizens health care lmao

Definitely agree but teccy isn't American

He canadien ithink

they especially need to stop this cancel culture bullshit and stop beeing such crybabys on a lot of things I dont get it.

You made a video about the tectone drama.

@@nathanadamson6324 Indeed. Summarized it to try and remove misinformation while it was going on and gave my opinion afterwards. On a series that existed before the drama and touches on important community and general game news. Regardless of if I made a vid including it, I can still feel sympathetic towards the parties involved, especially since Teccy and Envi are some of my favorite creators.

Teccy has told his chat multiple times how his life was before. But the thing is, he always said it with a joke or not showing weakness. But that stream he had to let his real feelings flow out, for him, for his chat and possible future friends of his.

@@azca. These are some very harsh thoughts and words. Have you watched this interview with Dr. K?

@@azca. cant watch a 2 hour session huh, shows how braindead most hate watchers are

I like Dr. K. But he also seems to miss things like this. Asking the other person that question is like smacking him in the face.

@@AllyMind5Star but such questions is exactly why Teccy considered this conversation very important. Harsh reality check is what therapy does, and when there is only one session, there should be as many checks as can be

​@AllyMind5Star people go to therapy because it's necessary, not because it's easy.

Lol that's part of the problem. Swallowing the pill that so much has went wrong just because of this little thing that just happened to snowball. Feelsbadman. Also feels good I guess though.

Hindsight is 20/20

I believe this phenomena is called "The Curse of Knowledge". Its sad this has been discovered by ancients a millennia ago but most of us don't know about this and only figure it out through experience.

A good example is gravity.

@@IllD. Because we have the idea that the way to make sense of things is to add complexity, not to take it away, and our modern society supports it 100%.

Were they fighting?

@@invadercivic2774 Teccy and Enviosity (He’s another popular genshin streamer.) had a little drama a couple days ago. It was all big misunderstanding but it got blown out of proportion, from what I understood.

@@neil5694 i think they thought he and dr. k had a conflict since u didnt say who he made up with lol

I agree with what you said. I can't think of one time I've seen someone dealt with than issue with this mature level. It's uncommon now and days. I'm also to blame but watching this makes you think to yourself about how you can deal with your issue's.

Well said

As a person who follows people around him and so often hear of him during colabs. It's honestly really hate to hear him getting so choked up over a really natural feeling I can relate to. Someone with a public face where a bad video can ruin their living it's really hard to do this out side of private.

Tryanzical EggyGrab

Hey, I remember you! I learned a lot from this video too, and surprisingly more about myself as well. I empathize with Teccy more with this video and want to be a better person myself

@@shadowedphenex8573 Shadowed Phenex eggyGrab

@@TheUjosh Nice to see you again!!

I like ur pfp

It's been wholesome after they got together and i love it

What happen between teccy and envi? I missed the issues

@@ZzzZ-hm3mr ah i see, so there is some big streamer that insulted because they arent invited, is that right?

because they are the same person, you cant exactly argue with the same person with the same mindset now can you?

@@ZzzZ-hm3mr Not even close. Tectone kept comparing himself to Enviosity and passively inciting his viewers to harass Envi. This has been happening even before the gameshow.

its not strange tho, that's what autism does

@@mysticflow467 i think they mean its strange that tectone has the same issues as someone with autism does

@@puddypudding9609 hmmm its debatable

Yeah, I'm actually kind of.. amazed ? Surprised ? By the way he adapted, how he functions and how similar it can be to a person with autism.

@@Myuikoo As someone with autism, I totally understand what you mean.

Yeah I identify with his overexertion at being loud and gregarious to make up for his insecurities. Autism and family problems seem to go hand in hand a lot and it's true for me. I wonder if hiding your true self comes from the struggles of autism or because it's hard to trust due to family trauma, or if they're the same. Because when autistic and vulnerable (to bullying, manipulation), it can be hard to trust the world in general.

You might not want to use the phrase 'anti-social personality' to refer to yourself or people might think you have anti-social personality disorder (unless you actually are a sociopath)

@@SuperLotus Many people, including myself, have autism symptoms that overlap into an antisocial personality disorder diagnosis. While some might argue it's a misdiagnosis, it is what it is on paper. There are some people that actually say autism itself is an antisocial personality disorder, but mine specifically manifests because of years of masking and unhealthy coping mechanisms, resulting in struggles when it comes to empathy. Also, there's really nothing wrong with having antisocial personality disorder. Many people have no problem leading healthy lives while coping with their disorders.

@@missdreavus649 I understand that a person can have traits that aren't malignant, but generally people with cluster B personality disorders are abusive and/or exploitive. If you don't care if people make that assumption, that's cool. Just wanted you to know that people might interpret that in that way. I have autism too btw and I know what it's like to say things that aren't a big deal to me, but others react negatively to. Maybe it's codependency on my part, but I try to avoid saying or doing things that will rub people the wrong way.

Same!

Yeah People who hate him for no reason or misunderstood him really need to watch this

A lot of people in prison have a sad story to tell, too.

@@lostconciousness4255 you're comparing a man who has said klee can be a waifu for a 12 year old to criminals .. did you learn nothing from this video?

@@jrpgtrash1261 a lot of people in prison aren't criminals, possibly. at least that's how i took the comment. a poor defense in court or a messed up legal system in general has damned a disproportional number of folks to jail time, when perhaps social services or mental healthcare might have been a better thing for that individual. might be a topic close to home for LostConciousness. something to consider, i hope.

Indeed

FeelsGoodMan

Yeah he did say how he turns his happiness and attitude up to 11 but is really depressed a lot of time

@Sanningen that quote is so overused and beaten to death that I thought it was just an cliche in fan fic, but I couldn’t describe it better in this situation.

@Sanningen is it really that overused? I think still think it's very valid though

Dr K has already made a talk on this. The man with the mask are usually the most depressed and loneliest.

@@D_Jilla It can be overused AND be a valid statement. Personally, I've never heard that quote before, however it's meaning is very applicable to far more than just being sad. That goes for just about any feeling; many people don't want others to suffer the same fate they have/had.

He also uses the wrong strategy learned from his theater days. He mentioned that he learned from theather is to amplify your base personality to max. That works in a scripted and rigid setting but in his field where he has to deal with people that aren't following the script, it won't work. Most of his problem is because of his tectone persona that are super aggressive and thinks that he has to do everything. If he had just been himself where he is a bit more chilled, none of this would happen. Ironically, he once said that he use his persona as to avoid pain because if people don't like his true personality, the remark would hurt like hell. But the tectone persona ended up hurting him just as much if not more.

@@secondsein7749 sure you're not wrong but what's your point exactly?

@@D_Jilla basically they're trying to say teccy should've been chill with his normal personality (the one off camera) on streams and with his interactions, that way he would've hurt himself less

Dr K was a DOTA player before he was a doctor

​@@cleverman383 he still plays from what I understand

my man got a quality wife, good for him he deserves it

@@c6tlvr I think or at least hope they found a healthy medium to their relationship because hearing what he said about her and also about him, she could be easily manipulable with the wrong person, I'm happy he's with her and is aware and tries to make her take the control of the relationship sometimes, even though he's conditioned to be the one in control. They seem very good for each other, it's very wholesome 🥺

But don’t say “I’m sorry you’re hurt” say “I’m sorry for my actions. I was wrong”. Ugh! Brain scramble.

@@SS-in1ts im sorry i hurt you

@@SS-in1tsyeah pretty much

since I've watchedTectone during Arknight days, his personality truly made me think to not take him seriously and I'm glad I did. I relate to this guy a lot and that was the huge factor for me to not take him seriously. Glad he's getting help.

bro you put the thoughts i had into words thank you

Very well said

Because Dr.K only does this thing since like 2 years or something

I guess because you don't know many famous youtubers :c

What happened? Gonna Google now... Lol... Feel bad for laughing but 😮

Yea, idk tho... passive aggressive, how ive seen it, isnt about a miscommunication or unrevealed resentment from the person calling someone passive aggressive.... its when the passive aggressive person acts like they arent resentful, annoyed or angry, when they clearly ARE.... and they tend to hold their anger and resentment until a later date when it all blows up, its like vindictive credit.... unless you can squeeze it out of them at the moment, its really annoying

​@@fattyjaybird7505 I think you're describing how passive-aggressiveness appears to other people - what they end up thinking is going on with the person for them to attach the label of "passive-aggressive" onto them. But the reason he was confused, at least from what I understand, is because his internal thoughts didn't really fit that description. The discussion they had was about figuring that out. Because we all know the common definition of passive-aggressiveness, but if that's not what's actually happening but people keep calling you that (which is what it sounds like), then you have to figure out what else could be happening that causes you to appear consistently passive-aggressive. From his explanation, it sounds like a mixture of too much self-assuredness preventing him from asking the right questions and listening properly, tendency to get easily frustrated with people that he felt were making bad decisions, a black-and-white perspective, and over-familiarity making jokes that can be easily misunderstood, combined to make people think he was being passive-aggressive when in reality it was something else.

I was forced to do football for a bit. Guess which sport I despise. I love other sports though.

I used to love art, I would draw all the time, I literally couldn’t stop. But then my parents were like:” oh you draw all the time so you should make that your living” and they kept pressuring me to draw. And now I don’t hate it, but I find it so hard to find motivation anymore

When u find a love for something on your own it is motivating, it’s just finding that initial spark

I had the opposite outcome. Ive been athletic since i was 3 and now a 29 yearold that workouts for peace of mind. My cousins had instruments shoved down their throats and hated it with tears in eyes but now play to relax, meditate, or contemplate.

@@pewpewpew1834 dang are we twins? I got so much pressure on me i'm just burnt out on art as a whole

i agree as well its impressive tbh!

it should be taught in school

i did that to my past friend once v-v

Sometimes they need help but you may not be the right person for that. sometimes people assume that they have the right advice or help for some 1, or they want to figure it out by themselves. Like when I child wants to play a game but doesn't want your help

what happened

@@hoarauadam9954 there was a huge misunderstanding bubbling up between tectone and envi thats been there for a while and now it got really out of hand and blew up recently

you only person

you only person

*the - thanks for the catch guys

4:45

People want to crusade justice but put the right agenda on the wrong aspect. Watch them persecute anime fans but leave others who actually do the crime in peace. (Heard Twitter does this a lot and then Hollywood is a notorious den of the p-word).

Depends on the comment and the fictional character, sorry to say but if you say something creepy about a clearly too young character, signs point to being a creep!! Nothing narrow about it, just logic and deduction, and its happened time and time again where suspicions are proven tight 🤷🏽‍♂️

@@LizardKingRequiem like what awesome said , people take it wrong way and yes it depends on the situation but what if the person really had no motive to be called pedophile just because they " like " a fictional character . Some people think they're doing justice but they end up bullying the targets

@@jaydee4302 yes i think pedo is a very strong word thats been thrown around far too quickly, while its important to call people out for showing creep behavior, to label it immediately is too hasty

​@@LizardKingRequiem while yes you have a point but I wouldn't automatically put any "creep" behaviour towards young fictional characters to be the same as how an individual would feel and act towards real life. I've known people who do the "creep" just for the sake of being one in a role-playing sense but is absolutely disgusted if asked if such actions IRL would please them or willingly partake on. I think knowing the context should be more considered before delivering judgement. But I guess, with real people involving themselves in horrendous acts, can't really blame people automatically taking the opposite side when they see people act creepily. Do excuse me with my English. Just woke up and still feeling that my brain and my hands are totally not coordinated yet.

"Ping Pong" was ok, if you've never seen it :)

Why do you never get to talk about it with your therapist my friend?

@@D_Jilla I f eel like whenever I come into therapy with a plan and I tell my therapist the issues I want to address, it feels like they pick somethin minor or random and take up the whole hour with it. Then either we forget about the other topics or I've already just figured the issue out myself. And sometimes it feels like they don't give me any insight and gives cookie cutter responses from a textbook to sympathize and empathize.

@@sizzlinplate9501 yeah it sounds like they may be wasting your precious time. Have you told them this if you are still working with them?

@@sizzlinplate9501 I know what you mean, and I used to fall into that too. The thing is, they don't know that you wanted to talk about other stuff if you don't tell them. If they start asking in a direction you aren't interested in, you are totally allowed to say "actually can we talk about this other thing instead?" Go meta, have a discussion about what they were about to ask about vs. what you want to talk about. Once I started doing that my sessions were way more productive.

It might not be a good fit, like Dr. K said finding a therapist is like finding a car/house. You must go through a bunch of them until you find the one that works for you the best

it always has been

Wait... They're not NPC?

He is such a giga Chad

Dr k. Is so ingenious and I think the entire video was a flop. It seems he really let bias come though immediately

*EDIT I dunno how I read that wrong, my bad 😅

@@knucklesskinner253 idk if this is a joke or not but what bias do you think he had? Didn't Dr k mention that he tries to go into interviews dark, without the knowledge of history or drama surrounding the person?

@@LordRaptorJesus in what way?

You spectacularly missed his point.

Yeah exactly. I've moved a number of times and I've never been able to keep those relationships alive afterwards. The last time I moved I tried really hard.. but eventually I had to give up. It was only me reaching out and the conversations ended up super shallow and uninspired. I guess the only thing we had in common was shared experience.. at work and in our free time. I've never had a friendship that lasted 8 years.. that seems impossible to me. My only relationship lasted like 2 months until it ended for reasons unknown to me.. maybe the long distance aspect.

@@hgzmatt "Until it endet for reasons unknown to me". Did you even watch the interview? Why no ask what was the reason? How could you change if you do not ask?

@@Alex-sr7op What if they refuse to talk to you.. it's not always as simple as it is in your head.

I laughed xD

same same pwp