Why Sh*t Life Syndrome is Holding You Back 

What helps me is being the helper. I am kind generous and helpful to others even strangers, within reason (still have your boundaries) (and don’t give expecting anything in return and only give to the point where you’ll still be okay with even zero gratitude from the recipient). That way when it comes your turn needing help, you definitely have a right to ask. And no is an answer too, or something you didn’t expect. If you don’t ask, no was there answer anyways. What helps me is gratitude journal. Write down one thing a day that you are grateful for, and if you can’t really think of anything, something that you saw in life or read etc that was a nice thing someone did for someone else. It can be really simple like holding a door open for someone else or a warm hello from a stranger. And challenge to be that person

In psychology that is called learned helplessness. If you put a dog in a cage-like area with a metal floor and shock the floor but he can open the door to get out he will. However, if you remove a means of escape the dog will just lay down and take it. I have a masters in neurological psychology, I only respect psychology because they are trying to account for every variable in someone's life which is an almost insurmountable task but they do employ the scientific method. I encourage you to seek other sources of relief. I don't know where you are but try your local 211. Good luck. 💜

Tons of energy your way

People don't want to help you.. they only want to help themselves.. the people who's job it is to help you only do it to get paid the money.. they use you to help themselves..

Based honestly. Asking for help is pointless. Do what you can for yourself because other people will always let you down.

It's called faith, chico. Taking the first step whilst being unable to see the end of the staircase.

Also the destination isn’t at the end of the path it’s actually along the path somewhere.

The destination is just a tiny part of the equation. The very process of walking the path, learning, improving, feeling that we CAN do something about it is the MEANS with which larger and larger change is created.

Silly paradox Nothing anybody has ever accomplished has infinite steps and almost everything people have accomplished they didn’t follow some formula to get there If you could somehow put somebody who succeeded in self improvement in a room with their previous version and asked the young version to describe what specific beginning steps they think the older took to self improve they would be wrong The older version would end up with an explanation something along the lines of “I just started walking”

Every path can be infinite, but the thing is people pave paths, and people cant pave infinitely long paths.

I think it's definitely a "doomer mentality" / shooting yourself in the foot before your life has begun. You speak to most 30s+ & they'll say things got better post-25. You look at art and writing from teenagers across history they mostly have the same issues/angsts.

@@jaysemitchells497 Rubbish. I am 31 and life is still miserable, and the future is bleaker than ever. We are all living as wage slaves serving an evil system which kills our mind, body and soul. Meaning in life is found through connections with others and the natural world, and that's so hard to find these days when everyone is time poor and stressed out of their brains with work. Modern life is so lonely and alienating, and it is terribly sad that this is the way things are.

They do what they are supposed to and do not get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Yeah, most ppl can't even afford to move out until like 30 because getting a place to live is expensive.

@@swedishZ0mBi3seriously. I’m 25 and I’ve lived in apartments with friends before, but once one lost a job and we couldn’t keep up I had to go back to my moms. And that was incredibly disheartening. Because unless you make damn 30 an hour then you ain’t living on your own. It’s like they want people to off themselves to keep the wealthier population comfortable, stg

is this a ds1 reference?

@@tralx5268 He mentions it at the end of the video

@@tralx5268 yep! drake sword op

I couldn’t even swing the dragon tail sword then my gf told me to hit the blacksmith and now I can’t talk to him so I gave up on the game… An allegory for my life…

@@Moto_Medics Least it wasn't the messenger

*hug* I'm nearly 40 now and in much the same boat :/

:(

47 ….game over

But you do want to change, you voiced it over and youre watching videos lime this. Thats a huge positive! Im 41 and evolving in therapy- its never too late.

39 I hear you

XD preciso

Yep and once you collect them all - you snap

@@BuffedPotato I loled

Pokemon, gotta catch them all, Pokemon

As someone who now knows a new way to describe my life this is how i feel listing my shit off lmao, it just becomes funny after enough acronyms

Hey bud. Remember your parent(s?) were liars and they called you ungrateful to gaslight you. They pointed out the bare minimum that they did do to guilt you, and you've felt plenty guilty enough for no good reason already. You don't have to feel guilty about it ever again. You more than paid already. Sincerely, Someone who had a dance party when their mother died in spite of weekly attempts to remind them that they would feel terrible when she died

@@amberlee4536 🫶internet stranger interactions for the win

@@amberlee4536did your mother physically abuse you ?

Haha, i remember learning about trauma and ptsd shit a few years ago and it all sorta just fit in. It was like "oh, so thats why i feel this way"

Dude I can’t describe how fucking real this is, also hate that society acts like parents are perfect and you’re not allowed to hold them accountable for anything, then you have the other side of people who’ve had parents way worse than yours trynna oneup you because their experience is worse like this is the victims Olympics. It’s really tough to set your boundaries and not feel guilty when you’ve been people pleasing your whole life

Dr. K has other videos about that side of things more directly. That's less Sh!t Life Syndrome and more Tiger Cub / Gifted Kid Syndrome. Welcome to the club! We don't have tshirts, just crippling perfectionism 🫠

Do you have a very active inner critic? It can be hard for people like that celebrate their achievements - but this is a choice you can make. Take some time to think about what you achieved and how good it is that you achieved it. Congratulate yourself for your skills and the hard work that you put into it. Enjoy the positive feelings as you focus on these thoughts. If you do this consistently it will become a habit and come naturally. The fact that you can't enjoy your successes is a learnt behavior (probably overly critical parents?) , so it can be unlearned :)

That sounds like what I was experiencing during worst burnout after which I was officially diagnosed with depression. Harsh inner critic, perfectionism, following dreams and plans that you were pressured into that aren't aligned with your true values, burnout, depression, there's many possible causes. But it does , it can get better - finding the reason *why* you feel that way gets you over half way over to the solution.

Interesting view. Sounds like anhedonia?

@@user255 Never heard the term before. Googled it, and I guess, it fits kinda, but only in this context. I enjoy things, just don't get any real enjoyment from accomplishing things.

@oxanax5360 yeah totally get it, people often don’t have a good grasp on how different we can all be based on our upbringing like that and tend assume everyone had a similar upbringing to them. Hard to deal with sometimes. Best of luck!!

I feel you, it happened somewhat similar to me, I couldnt share why certain things were stopping me from going out bc most didnt get that it was a hard thing for me to deal with even though it had some alternatives

@alanbasoria5265 yeah, going out is also a challenge for me, but explaining to others why it can be hard is even more of a challenge... im using the strat of bailing on hangouts with the excuse that I'm sick or busy, but im getting tired of lying and it also makes me feel guilty. wish it was easier to explain. at least videos like this help! maybe we should try just linking this video to people lol.

Well spoken or written rather sir we feel you sure your friends understand a bit also.. good luck keep your head up and God bless brother.

Yeah I hear you. Certain things just can't be comprehended by people who didn't grow up in poverty.

Second issue, no insurance policy on it having a positive ROI.

RU-vid, books, this freaking channel?! You awake?

This is so wrong but alcohol is cheaper than therapy lol

@@janedowns9958 only temporarily. A life of buying alcohol is waaaay more expensive then 1 year of therapy

Main issues like you'd go to therapy for it or you don't the money to pay for therapy?

you dont really have a shit life if you have family that cares about you. try getting into the mindset of someone whose family dont gives a shit about them, and you will have problems connecting with other people for life. then you are alone and lonely and only think about why you dont end it all.

@@DanielDorn-tr7tw He was lucky to have those to support him but I don't think we should minimize each other's struggles, yes it's true some people are luckier and more fortunate than others for whatever reason but this isn't a competition of who has a shittier life, one step at a time for each and all of us towards self-improvement.

A lot of people don’t know how to react when people ask for help but it doesn’t mean they don’t care. Not a waste of time at all. It’s a step in the right direction.

It is not wasted, now you have knowledge of how reliable people around you

If anyone should be embarrassed, it's your family. I have one family member who will help me do whatever I strive for and I count myself lucky. But I see most people have no support, because people do not know how to give support. Maybe try asking for something specific that is small from the few who you actually can rely on, then maybe they will understand more what you are needing and they can invest more of themselves in supporting you. It's going to be on their minds that you asked for help and they just dropped the ball...they may be hoping to get a chance to redeem themselves. Don't give up...that's kind of the point in this video.

Maybe they stopped helping you because they know the requests will never end? Sorry for the tough love dude, but, I'm in a great situation in my life, and it always falls to me to help my messed up family members with all their problems, always at the expense of my own goals. There's a difference between asking for help and being a burden. If you're a burden... you've gotta figure out how to progress, if you're showing progress in changing your situation, people will be more giving with their help

@lwo7736 This is true. However, it depends on how often that help is requested of you. We as a society should be helping each other. Especially with family and friends. Giving and taking, whenever and wherever possible, is expected for fairness. There should be a balance. They need to find a better community. Also, even if you're improving your life and are trying to get higher paying jobs, that doesn't mean shit when it comes to actually being able to pay someone back. You can't pay back money you don't have. Companies will low-ball you with salary options. It sucks because there aren't many options unless we as a society make change. There are only so many $100k a year tech jobs to go around. Wages need to increase across the board, and the cost of housing needs to go down. If people are being a burden and are expecting people who aren't their parents to take care of them consistently, then that's unreasonable. (I say parents because even if you're an adult, then I think that parents have an obligation to take care of their disabled children because they chose to bring them into this world. The person talked about in this video got dealt a shitty hand by their parents.)

Congratulations to your dad on his recovery! That is wonderful to hear. 🫶

also professionals seem to ignore c-ptsd, which is very different from anything else. i had a literal shit life which was like "having a syndrome," but all i needed was to have control over my own life instead of ex-family who were very controlling. in canada, they're figuring out how to implement a guaranteed livable basic income and this will change so much for so many people

What does minor mean? Is it American?

being part of society is being a slave. Freedom is a delusion.

Psilocibin and DMT Will give you the breakthrough you need

​@@LexaRulescaI've done a lot of psilocybin over the years. Did not give me the breakthrough. Only gave me a few hours away from the prison of my own head. Which is nice. But in reality, it did not change the circumstances that make my life shit. So Im still here.

they know it wont solve your problem, but keep your miserable as long as they can extract money from your pockets

I know that feeling of not fitting into society. But I never felt like I have to fix myself. Being well adapted to a sick society isnt a sign of mental health. Staying true to yourself is. I alawys stayed true to myself. ALWAYS. I used the waves of society that were useful for me to ride them and seize the good bits from it. I was in an identity crisis end of last year and beginning of this year. And I had an inspirational awakening in febuary. Something I thought Id lost forever came back to me. Which is writing. I havent even publiced anything, yet but it already shifted my life and identity. It gave me passion and purpose. Identity crisis is gone.

Dam, it’s really nice to see one so mature trying to still learn about mental health. Good on ya 💪

@@dogetaxes8893 got to keep trying, 💯

My dude I'm on the same boat but a boat with a bigger crew can go faster, we got this 100% 💪

I had similarly to you with some physique. Now I have no physique and no working knee. Smile. It can always get worse! :D

Those are all solvable problems

F*ck the wine, that is for drunk heads and bored housewifes. Start training for 1 hour out of the 24 hours you have every day, Get a job that makes even a little money, got to start somewhere.

Something about the order and contents of that list ... Not sure what to make of it.

He has cameras in your house 👀

I noticed that multiple times too

He must have hacked the matrix or something

Because we're all in all these situations at all times to some extent😅

Couldn’t agree more!!! Statements like that speak to certain people going through the same circular rat race daily, that’s me! Lol Or rather, that WAS me 😉👏💯🎯💪

Kinda, yeah, then major burnout will hit you despite previously "essentialising" and "optimising" your "80/20" path😅

better now than never!

​@@ondrej1893So don't set goals and optimize because you're afraid of burnout. Exactly the excuse the OP was referring to.

Well shit that just made me tear up❤

CPTSD can make it appear as though you have bipolar disorder. It's not likely that you have all those things you've been diagnosed with. You've experienced a lot of trauma in your life.

You have been through so much in life and despite everything, you are still trying and you are doing what you can to protect and love your own son. I'm just a random person online but I'm proud of you. your son is blessed to have someone who cares and is trying for him. I am wishing you peace and healing my dear.

I'm so sorry that these things keep on piling on top of you even when you try your best. Your son has a strong woman for a mother. Even now she still tries her best despite life kicking her down time and time again. I really hope that you get years and years and years of good things going forward, both for you and your son.

Bi-polar and BPD is often misdiagnosed when person is ASD or AuDHD. Then medicated for issue that don't exist.

@@chrismaxwell1624 that's very common. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar spectrum disorder in my 20's and took lamotrigine for years before a different psychiatrist told me I didn't have that. I've never been diagnosed with autism but I think that's what I always had.

Gabor Mate is great at articulating this and thinks a lot of normal people are going around with unresolved traumas doing what they think they should be doing/ what they're told to or pressured to do by parents and friends.... even if it's well meaning. It's actually alarming at a societal level at how many people are mentally unwell IMO.

Nobody is "normal". Some are just better at hiding their issues and fitting in/playing the role.

Existence itself is traumatic. Everything we do to sustain ourselves must exploit something else, and in turn we are exploited for someone else. It's the law of nature and scarcity.

@@mothdust1634 We don't live in scarcity. We live in a totalitarian merchant dystopia that make false scarcity in order to keep us slaves for the rich.

@@Damesanglante That is capitalism for you

Good job keep carving away at that shit 😂

Congrats 💪

Yep, felt extremely relatable

Of course he does. Its profitable to push psych videos to people who cant afford acual psychiatric care.

​@@TylerRayPittmanmove on if it's not for you then 🤷

Yes. The system gives us all kinds of things we can't cantrol, and if we dare say shit about our failed attempts, some NPC will say shit about "Victimhood mindsets." Those people piss me off, because show me what I chose. When did I chose to get sick? When I choose to have corporate lobbyists monopolize? Would any motivational speaker show me the happiness mode switch when they say "Just choose happiness" for the millionth time?

PREACH 👏

This advice works if you've already made it and are still depressed. The literature assumes we're living in the 80s 😢

@@spacetimeman I described motivational shit as being effective for people near the top of Maslow's Pyramid.Some get a boost climbing the last step. For the rest of us, Maslow's Pyramid becomes even more slippery to climb.

To be honest yes to some extent but in reality it feels and seems like the whole world went into a silent depression Money is worth less everyone is earning slightly more while the prices are hiking fast and with inflation the slightly higher wages mean absolutely nothing All companies and internet things went down the drain I remember for an example when gaming used to be passionate and about the game and costumer obviously about making money too Now it feels like its ONLY about the money and how can we steal more money from the customer for less product Like everything and everyone are so jaded compared to what it used to be

Does anyone ever write an insurance policy that life gets better?

Yes, it's only when the worst has passed and we are out of survival mode than we can process emotionally what happened before. It's actually a good sign when the feelings come, but it can be terrifying. Some people just keep themselves in survival mode all the time to avoid the feelings - but the thing is, they never go away until we process them. So when the overwhelming feelings come I remind myself that this is an unavoidable part of the process and the best I can do is just sit with them and accept them as they come, try to feel my body and my feelings - that's how they get processed. It will get better, we just need to catch up our emotional processing with the present moment. I'm done processing most of my childhood trauma, now I'm mostly processing the trauma of the last 7 years. It is hard when bad things happen one after another, but we can get through it! Take heart! :)

@@sara_sofia_1984 Therapy felt like telling my emotions to emote, and not getting the result.

@@skylinefever What result do you mean?

@@sara_sofia_1984now switching from survival mode to creative mode. 💞

Not every therapist is as skilled as Dr. K

Have you tried some form of somatic therapy? I recommend Somatic Experiencing or Hakomi. Early trauma that is stored in the body can't be resolved through talking - because when we were babies we didn't have language yet.

Something I learned from The Courage to be Disliked: The past does not exist. Of course memories and the past have existed, but our brain remembers things to confirm our current situations, to complete our current objective. It's not about lamenting about what we were given, it's about working with what we have in the current moment. Easier said than done, obviously. Especially when you consider something like depression, which literally (biologically) makes your brain runinate and focus on the bad. Or anxiety, which makes you use the past to worry too much about the future so you are "stuck" in the present. If you stop sticking to the story and instead stick to the moment of "right now", things seem a lot easier. It's a process, and it's not easy, but it's simple. It's essentially what people call "ego death", as the ego is in charge of our life story and sense of self. If you spent all your life walking backwards, it's going to be hard trying to learn how to walk forwards. But everyone is capable of change at any moment. Best of luck, friend. I don't know you, but I respect you as you are, and have confidence in your ability to change and live the life you want to live.

How much are you doing to help yourself? Are you reading good books, watching and analysing quality videos on therapeutic topics (like Patrick Teahan, Crappy Childhood Fairy and so many others)? Have you tried journaling, mediation, have you committed to just being with yourself and your thoughts? Therapists are just strangers, they know us only through what we are able and willing to tell them in the allotted statement. Their role is to gently steer us into the right direction but the burden of vast majority of work lies on us. And that's terrifying, sure, but at the same time - empowering. Empowering, because it means that your success in therapy depends in big part on the amount of effort you are willing to put in. And the more effort you put in yourself, the more benefit you'll get from therapy. If you come for the sessions prepared, after having worked through content of previous ones, with prepared notes - you are far more likely to get significantly more benefit even from mediocre therapists. And, seeing as they are just ordinary people, making them see the effort you are putting in is very likely going to result in them being more committed to helping you and more willing to spend extra time and effort to help you succeed.

Look at people whove dealt woth what you went through and how they solved it. You might even make some genuine friends in the process cus they understand you the best

You do know he is mostly debunked today and only learned as a part of psych-history?

@@Bleilock1he hasn’t been “debunked”. Slot machines designers use his theories all the time. I feel like Skinner maybe gets a lot of flak because he has a very deterministic view though.

@@josueramirez7247 as someone who literally works and codes algorithms in slot machines in casinos I can firmly tell you thats not true, of all the things you couldve lied about, you picked my proffesion and the topic i really do know something about LOL I work for admiral club, just in case you dont believe me

As another fellow autistic in basically same life situation as you, except i dont have grandparents but verybold psrents whom im taking care off Ty for this comment, especially the last part

I don't even want to think about it, or the amount of PoC who ended up in jail over weed for decades when it was one of the safest drugs for anxiety out there all along. (Not that I'm calling it strictly safe, I'm just calling benzodiazepines ridiculously dangerous.)

⁠Been on benzos for 8 years now, and although I was on a very high dose for the first 2 years just to get through grad school, and have carefully titrated down to a moderate dose since then, I can still feel how debilitating it is: awful short- and long-term memory retention, poor verbal lexicon, constantly feeling fatigued all the time, and the general dulling of emotions. I only found out earlier this year that I actually have pretty severe ADHD, and my psych and I both think I likely was misdiagnosed with GAD back in 2016. Although I feel much sharper and have been more socially active these days, I can’t help but feel that I’ve shaved off a few happy years from the tail end of my life, considering how I likely may have induced early-onset dementia by taking benzos every single day (without any breaks, whatsoever) for such a long period of time. Not to mention, my family already has a history of dementia and Alzheimer’s. Not a single day passes where I don’t think about my future, and it can bring me to pretty depressive states at times. For anyone who’s considering seeing a psych or has been recommended by their existing psych to take benzodiazepines of any kind, I *implore* you to please reconsider, and give meditation and yoga an honest shot for several months to see if it eases your symptoms. I don’t wish what I’ve gone through even on my worst enemy. Hope my elucidation here reaches even just one person who’s been on the fence with regards to trying out benzos. If you’re going through a truly difficult time (death of a parent, a rough breakup), please remember that benzo use should never exceed >2 weeks of use, at least based on current studies. Any longer and you’ll be rolling a pair of dice that can drastically change the course of your entire life for the worse. Wishing anyone who made it this far much love, and I hope I made a lasting impression on even just one person, to reconsider their thoughts, ruminations, or decision to pursue the dangerous route of benzo use. Please don’t gamble with addiction. ♥️

@@amberlee4536​​⁠ Been on benzos for 8 years now, and although I was on a very high dose for the first 2 years just to get through grad school, and have carefully titrated down to a moderate dose since then, I can still feel how debilitating it is: awful short- and long-term memory retention, poor verbal lexicon, constantly feeling fatigued all the time, and the general dulling of emotions. I only found out earlier this year that I actually have pretty severe ADHD, and my psych and I both think I likely was misdiagnosed with GAD back in 2016. Although I feel much sharper and have been more socially active these days, I can’t help but feel that I’ve shaved off a few happy years from the tail end of my life, considering how I likely may have induced early-onset dementia by taking benzos every single day (without any breaks, whatsoever) for such a long period of time. Not to mention, my family already has a history of dementia and Alzheimer’s. Not a single day passes where I don’t think about my future, and it can bring me to pretty depressive states at times. For anyone who’s considering seeing a psych or has been recommended by their existing psych to take benzodiazepines of any kind, I implore you to please reconsider, and give meditation and yoga an honest shot for several months to see if it eases your symptoms. I don’t wish what I’ve gone through even on my worst enemy. Hope my elucidation here reaches even just one person who’s been on the fence with regards to trying out benzos. If you’re going through a truly difficult time (loss of a parent, a rough breakup), please remember that benzo use should never exceed >2 weeks of use, at least based on current studies. Any longer and you’ll be rolling a pair of dice that can drastically change the course of your entire life for the worse. Wishing anyone who made it this far much love, and I hope I made a lasting impression on even just one person, to reconsider their thoughts, ruminations, or decision to pursue the dangerous route of benzo use. Please don’t gamble with addiction. ♥️

Kind of really puts into perspective with the whole "stop focusing and placing blame on other people and focus on yourself" bullshit that's circulated a lot in pop psychology.

This is a brilliant explaination. You do what you are supposed to, but never get the result.

Black magic

ikr It's like he has camera's and microphones in our homes.

He lives in your walls

Bro it just means that you are not improving (neither do I....)

@@csababeller9836 Watch the video again friend.

Endure and persevere are also a helpful dichotomy. It's really hard to get to the persevere mindset though when you can't see any positive outcomes.

Exactly. One can pretend they have agency for only so long until reality kicks them in the ass.

This. Plus if you add on the increasing rates of chronic illness and disability, hard for anyone to even have a chance.

This. Plus if you add in the increasing rates of chronic illness, disability, etc, hard to even have a fighting chance.

I feel this. I keep pushing forward out of spite. I'm not going to let it end because of a few rich greedy ***holes. I'm going to fight as hard as I can for what little I can get while being an annoying thorn in everyone's side until they realize who's actually to blame for things going to hell lately. It's not poor people. It's not immigrants. it's not minority groups. It's not the LGBT's. It's greedy at the top people sapping this country dry at our expense.

@@kumamarru5492 I often say that the rich bring in the open border. It is justifiable to hate both.

yep

Just remember that he's a doctor... Not your doctor.

You know yourself better than anyone in the comment section. In my case yes, but yours may be different. Just decide bro

It's like we can't delude ourselves into thinking that our hustle and grind actually pays off.

@@skylinefever Then you realize you are just going to hustle and grind just to break even in life for years, there's no escape. You realize it will be like this until you die with no reprieve.

@@level9drow856 that or incredibly lucky and make it to the 1% which is just so unlikely If everyone is rich no one is rich

@@Venom-zr7ve We all would be so mucn better off if not being in the 1% could be less miserable.

Soooo, you came here looking for a surogate dad? Strange But i can tell you a lot of people dont really need this

congratulations, I'm happy to hear that. Unfortunately it might be an up and down road (I hope its not), but keep persisting. You have the strength inside of you to see it through.

Dont join the military