Why People Get Mentally Unwell 

When we're sick, we get to slow down and not rush, even appreciating the smaller pleasures in life. We may even allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and let others take care of us, for a change. 💗

I’m 57 and I only recently realized my family does not want me to be successful. I don’t know why but it seems to be the case. They’ll tolerate a modest amount of success, but not a lot. It bothers me. I stay away from them.

Failing can be a protection against being envied. Felt that more deeply than I thought.

When i think about it, if we work too hard, we would get ill, that is our body way to tell us to go rest, always listen to your body

Coping with 12 years long depression and now PTSD made me realize that these illnesses are just the fire alarm for us to do something about a situation that went wrong. Once we take the compensatory steps, the illness starts to vanish. And when a long living mental illness vanishes, you feel like you're born again. ❤❤❤❤

My social anxiety protects me from getting hurt by other people. I was teased and left out by others at school and rejected by my mother. I knew this long before l went for help. Yet the anxiety remains

I agree. Many of the negative behaviors we wish we didn't exhibit are reactions, attempts at coping, twisted ways of avoiding more difficult realities. Most of these frowned upon behaviors/coping methods are just attempts to self-soothe. The thing is some work more than others, and we must replace these mindsets and poor behaviors with healthier ones that serve our current selves.

Totally relate to this. Took three months following my mother's death to find that there is value in my life.

I have Crohn’s disease. It first manifested in my early teens and has been problematic most of my life. But in the weeks after my mother‘s death it improved considerably, and I was more able to lead a normal life. So I agree with this video, many illnesses, not just psychological or emotional difficulties are a result of poor parental relationships.

Life is suffering. Once you come to that realization it makes going through it a lot easier.

Whoever is reading this, I pray that whatever you’re going through gets better and whatever you’re battling with makes your situation better as you’re continuing to be a better person each day. I have faith that you’ll turn out great as your circumstances will change. Have a fantastic day! You got this! 🤗💪🏼❤

I got challenged with this by my therapist. I suffer from depression and she said what do you GAIN? It pissed me off at first but there's truth there. She called it secondary gains. I'm still not sure.....so thanks for the reminder to examine it!

Physical not mental health here. But I became disabled at 20, I've spent more quality time with and gotten to know my parents in the past 10 years than in the previous 20 years as they help with my care. For that I will feel eternally blessed relative to my siblings who can sometimes only see them every few months as they live on the other side of the country. There are plenty of downsides, but I count my blessings.

i personally find this Adlerian perspective fascinating and it has helped me take better care of my own mental health...unfortunately, i think many who have been traumatized may not be able to adopt this ‘teleological’ view and will disagree or even find it offensive. When we are sick, we have to be ready to accept responsibility for the behaviours we are perpetuating, and change in a way that allows us to deal with our deepest, darkest truths. This is the turning point takes us down the path of healing...

The bad parts of life make us appreciate the good parts. We value everything more because of our mortality

Absolutely brilliant, as always. Thank you. My husband and I both had very traumatic childhoods, but the trauma was quite different. My mother is a narcissistic control freak who is a lawyer, ironically a family mediator, and has no contact with her only child, only grandchild and also has no or very few friends. She lives in a 3500 SF house and is essentially alone all or most of the time. She is quite adept at deluding herself and probably has some "really good" explanations and excuses for why she is alone that place the blame on everyone else. I have been peacefully estranged from my mother for many years. My daughter Lily turned 23 yesterday and only met my mother a couple of times. Lily understands and accepts that we have no relationship with my mother because the alternative is unacceptable. In my mind, however, my husband's mother was "worse" than my mother. His mother was controlling, narcissistic and other awful things, but she was also an exceptionally good actress and fooled the world outside of their home that she was a "really good person" and, according to her, "everyone loved her." She was a devout Catholic and regularly said, "Jesus is my best friend." Whatever. She needed to be seen as "good" in the eyes of all "Others." If things did not go her way with her husband and her two sons, she quickly became a victim, a martyr, and/or a saint. Her husband died of a heart attack in a bank parking lot at the age if 54. Her two sons are 62 and 64 and still have not recovered from her manipulation, and she has been dead for more than 15 years. My husband and his brother John have both struggled with depression and other "illnesses" for most of their lives because they cannot face the truth of their own hearts about what their mother actually was and was not. I am a woman but do not like a lot of women and some men because I cannot stand people who use "weakness" as a "strength." My mother is a B****, but at least she did not need to be seen as "good," does not care what most other people think, and never used supposed weakness to manipulate and control people around her. She loathes vulnerability and would not, therefore, even find the illusion of vulnerability that things like victimhood can afford desirable in any way. I did, however, feel intense guilt when I began distancing myself from my mother, and guilt is a powerful tool. The guilt I felt while trying to extricate myself from the energetic emotional tendrils of my mother almost killed me, but I had no choice. If I did not do separate myself from my mother's narcissistic, gravitational pull, I would have been leaving that work to my daughter, and that was not acceptable to me then or now. My therapist at the time said that if it were not for the existence of my daughter Lily, I would probably have kept drinking my mother's "Kool-Aid." My therapist said that when I saw my mother interact with Lily, I could finally see what she had been trying to tell me about my mother for years. At that time, I thought that I loved and respected my mother, which was a skill that I developed in order to survive being raised by her. That is what she requires from others, which explains why she is in her seventies, retired and utterly alone. Having said that, I vastly prefer my mother's dynamic to that of my husband's mother. The guilt that he and his brother experience if they think anything negative about their mother is too overwhelming to face. They instead prefer the illnesses of depression, anxiety, emotional distance, intellectual pursuits and other emotional distractions. I kept thinking of them while watching this video. My husband has made a lot of strides but cannot fully face the truth about his mother. His brother has been alone for most of his life and will die believing his mother was a saint because he will never face the truth of his own heart about her. I have noticed in instances like this that it seems like the person who feels guilt is protecting the legacy of someone else, but they are really just protecting themselves from the truth of their own feelings about that person. Finally, I used to teach English Literature and Academic Writing at a major American University. One of my favorite writing assignments was a unit I did about the difference between guilt and regret. As far as I am concerned, guilt has no value other than to keep certain interpersonal dynamics intact. There is nothing potentially redemptive or otherwise constructive about guilt. Remorse, on the other hand, suggests that you genuinely regret your actions and want to take responsibility for them and learn from your mistake. This is reformation at its finest because most of the important growing that we ever do IF WE EVER DO comes from making and learning from mistakes. Thank you all at School of Life for another truly excellent installment in what I see as your bid to save humanity from itself. Hah! : )

This reminds me of Feeling Good by Dr. Burns. Instead of denying the feelings that trouble us, perhaps there are truth in them that depicts who we are and should be reframed into a positive idea.

These videos are so incredibly helpful. I’ve dealt with mental illness and therapy and medications for 15 years. I’ve never had these things explained to me so well in all my years. I appreciate the graphics too-they definitely help. These videos are the perfect balance of bluntness and positivity.

My therapist told me that I was very insightful when I said; Being socially anxious when I was a kid and avoiding people as a result, was an adaptive strategy then, but not quite so useful now. It makes perfect sense for a child who feels overwhelmed to withdraw. None of my caregivers noticed that I had a problem, and I didn't feel like it was a good enough reason to seek help. A display of weakness which was (and is still) tacitly disapproved of by society when it's a boy doing it.

Kudos to the team...this was a great 4 minutes that lays out a very complex and paradoxical problem. Great intro for those who have personally experienced this and their loved ones...few are going to say, "hey, that's me!" but is was so well done, it might get the ball rolling.

This is a really brilliant take on the benefits of mental illness and unlikeable habits. I've witnessed that around my family system, the only way I can assimilate to the dysfunction and cruelty to one another is to be very depressed. Really interesting

I guess I’m protecting myself for the risk of failing by not trying.

Excellent explanations and insight. Thanks 👍

Very well-put and helpful, thank you for sharing!

I've noticed I became way more alert and aware to my conditions and coping with it

This was incredible, thank you.

the illustrations are beautiful yet again !!

I bluffed and stumbled through for 49 years, often toward positive results. If I'm being honest, I fell in love with the little wins despite the struggle. In my creative moments, I looked for opportunities to "Easter egg" My work with self-referential objects and distractions. The truth is I hate myself on a way that EMDR and pills couldn't fix. I go out of my way to make up for it through passive positivity I misidentify as learning moments in the here and now. I know what my life is worth to the people who love me and I resent them for it a little, if I'm honest and present in the moment. My body is beat up and broken down after a lifetime of work and mere circumstance. I still believe I can write myself a door to a better life, but I don't trust my muse, or my self. My shadow is a disciplinarian. My through line is to shut him down and I need to evolve both sides to grow and recover, whatever that means for me.

This was wonderful!

Wow very well done and as always amazing visuals!!!

Profound,Best one yet.Thank you.

What a beautiful way to put it out!

This hurt to hear but I can't get passed it. I hate myself and know I'm a coward, but I'm probably using that as an excuse to do nothing. Life's complicated "/

Really like this video, I could relate the various examples to various people in my life, as well as myself - brilliantly accurate video

Stewing in continuous negative thinking and hanging out with negative people can drag you down. Don’t be unnecessarily critical. It will affect your happiness.

I am not sure I understand this, it speaks of the benefits of being ill and then proceeds to explain that being ill is somehow a cover for hiding our true pain? Correct me if I misunderstood but this is not a benefit, being ill whether it is a mental or psychical ailment is not a choice or an automatic cover to hide pain, it is part of who we are as people, human experience is multifaceted and complex, being ill is a gift if perceive it as such but can also be a negative and bring us sorrow, struggle and pain, it is how we integrate and make peace with what is our reality that matters. Please do not misunderstand I am only stating my thoughts and did not mean to offend intentionally, just trying to analyse

Another excellent video full of food for thought, School of Life; thankyou! On potential video ideas: what does ruminating tell me about myself? I known it's caused by my stress and can deal with that but my mind never stops racing about things that don't matter or that i can't control; is it me trying to run from something uncomfortable or my fight/flight instinct at play? I know I need deeper counselling but I'd love a primer. Love your videos, thankyou again!

Watching others by any means then applying anything they think say or feel is for you. This happens when you project yourself onto others and it bounces back to you. Your not mentally ill, your projecting your thoughts into the 3d and manifesting that energy back on yourself. I had to learn this the hard way also. This is growing pains not a psychological disorder 🙏🏽💕

It is imperative to take a break from any sort of mental and physical exertion during the course of illness. That's when a person realize how great it feels to be exempted from any obligation. The harsh truth is the fact that life isn't as uncomplicated as it used to be. There's soo much conformity with each and every one of us. On the bright side, it's assists in achieving our potential.

Ehhh... this kind of borders on blaming people for illness - which is already a big societal problem (HIV, cancer, COVID, etc.)

Thankyou again thankyou, it really clear things out

Today I wasn't able to watch this video when it released because I was busy trying to sleep off my fever, thing is I havent been ill in about a YEAR. But after I woke up I thought about the fragility of human being and how life can be as complex and as simple as a garden; like how one grass resembles a life, there's many in the garden when it's cut it's replaced and many of the grass would notice then forget and then eventually all the grass in replaced with new one. Being ill has also reminded me that life is just as sweet as you make it to be, even in times when you are ill try to slow down and evaluate it, are you happy with the pace? Do you have stable relationships and remember to be intimate? Are you brave in ways that might scare you at first because life is short? Being ill today really made me think, I think I got my answer. Edit: I was on about a different type of illness, to be physically unwell. Though I still do think there's some correlation so I leave it out here.

Hello... "Being Manically Busy" can Block Out certain Feelings! I can definitely relate to this. Awesome Post. Hugs.

Please dare to think that some people are born with what society deems unacceptable levels of “mental” struggles & trying to mask & fit in can really amplify those struggles + help create other mental illnesses. Whilst NT’s create the norms on which our society is based not everyone is wired the same… great video for the majority

Thank you for making it clear for everyone to understand. #MentalHealthAwareness

At first, when I saw this, I thought it seemed like a victim-blaming or ableist view. But the more I let it sink in, the more I realize that was my ego getting in the way. I think this video speaks a really difficult, yet powerful truth. I am so grateful to have a new way to think about things. 😊

Love this channel

"It can feel better to be ill than realise one was always unloved"

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick society. Jidu Krishnamurti.

The childhood burden of carrying that unbearable weight of one or more of our parent's mental illnesses can become a generational curse if we fail to become better students of self-awareness. Very early in my pain, I said with extreme prejudice, "If she weren't my mother, I wouldn't want to know her." A few among my seven living siblings found my words hash. However, I've come to reason that they were never told from as early as seven that they would never find anyone to love them. And they were never called or predicted to become "Ah nothing and ah nobody." None of them were taken to a so-called "spiritual leader" who predicted in their presence that they would be dead or go mad before age twenty-one. Even now, at age sixty-six on this day, September 01/2022, I still walk through my childhood ills-for many years-no longer a victim, thinking that after being hit by a car between the ages of six and seven, on a highway that had killed every other child before me. My early rewards for daring to live consisted of headaches, struggling to focus, relearning to read, and that unforgettable "spiritual leader" and her false prediction. Indeed, life is not a promise of any other assurance than the ability to breathe until we can't. And the faster we can begin to recognize and accept that we are the ultimate controllers of the better we imagine via our personal, individual, and collective OAR of W.O.R.T.H.: Ownership, Accountability, and Responsibility is, the faster we begin to struggle through, to the end of such mental and emotional generational claims on our minds. W.O.R.T.H.: Each of us is Warded Ownership Rights Through Hardship, in spite of obstacles.

I was hoping this might be about physical illnesses- but an interesting video anyways!

Can you make a video about how to cope with an anxious attachment partner? There are a lot of videos about avoidant attachment but my partner would really like to learn about my attachment and learns really well from your videos.

This is amazing

Please bring back videos with Allen's voice and reading! His pronunciation is very calming and reassuring!

Thank you. Can you do a video on BPD, Major Depression, Chronic anxiety and CPTSD

Wow I never saw it this way, thank you.

The first people who will influence our outlook and approach to life are our parents and siblings.

Psychedelic’s definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it’s just so hard to source here

The school of life wow thank you WOW what a incredible understanding you give me YES YES YES YES I AM SO HAPPY I FOUND THIS FINALLY 😭😭😂😅 THANK YOU 😊

Just got a flare up of my chronic illness and got recomend this video.....

I’m on my sofa now lying with a temperature. This video came just in the right time. I reflected upon, and seems like I don’t get along with my boss at my new job. But that I knew, so perhaps it’s not psychosomatics this time, maybe just flu

what a beautiful video

I was so happy when I got covid last year. I was constantly lack of sleep and got lots of stress during the lock down time. But when I got covid, I was so tired and got the fever that I really slept like 20 hours a day for three day straight. It's been a while since I got fully charged like that and I love the feeling lack of smell and taste senses, since I am too sensitive so it's irriated daily to me. I never realize life was this easy when I cannot smell or taste anything anymore, I can eat whatever without feeling like vomit. People might think this sounds crazy but that was one of the best time for me.

Ultimately there are no good or bad feelings either. Just comfortable and uncomfortable ones. My boredom of two years being sick, two years corona lockdowns and finally getting corona pushed me to create art ❤ I hope everyone pushes past the uncomfortableness of illness and bad feelings for the better life our subconsious was desperately trying to lead us to.

Failing helps my narcissistic mother I completely relate to that

I think the term in the video would have made the best title for this: "The (often overlooked) Purpose of Being Ill"

Just be careful that this line of thinking doesn’t become victim blaming. Sometimes being unwell is just being unwell.

Oh my God…. So apt

It is definitely good to just be sick sometimes and just sleep it out :) good for body and brain and makes you more grateful for life in general when you can go out and about again.

My current mindset 🧠

I have something for you: Look up an article starting with, ‘ Refining the resolution of craniofacial dysmorphology in bipolar disorder as an index of brain The side profile of the bipolar group was so similar to my side profile that we had to test it to make sure that it wasn’t ai generated. So, in early childhood, including ante-natal. At this rate it is very tiring feeling as if on my own against everyone.

brilliant😍😍😍

Brilliant!!!!

Wow.. I think I may have done is once..

excellent

Please post more videos about - Presocratics - Cicero

What is the source of this information? Is there any study or research that you can cite?

I dont know what to think now.

Undiagnosed/Undiagnosable physical conditions are a big cause of "mental health" issues.

I'll not touch this one, too complex.

I am A big fan of school of life. Have been following videos for about 6 years. I would like you to tackle a subject that has been around for A Long time : antinatalism

True to some extent, intellectually speaking, and in enough of a vacuum. Do also I strongly disagree! If you grow up living with or caring for family members who are severely traumatized/mentally ill/abusive you know what i mean--mental illness, trauma, whatever can be highly contagious and corrosive and can effect and psychologically destroy the targets or bystanders of the person suffering. I'm the daughter of a mentally ill/traumatized mother. I have been living with her for the past 6 months and being around her dysregulated moods, general psychic pain, confusion and hyper-vigilance has caused me to feel and behave in mentally ill ways....that are not serving me and have taken a heavy toll on my relationships and job and very sense of identity and reality. So yes, many external forces in ones life--an abusive work environment, relationship, a bullying parent, childhood neglect, chronic physical pain can lead to mental illness. And this does not come about to serve the individual, but is simply a collapse of the human being's ability to cope with reality under the weight of the burdens of their life.

woah now: there's a lot of trauma out there & this will resonate for a lot of people, but this can also make for some really damaging self talk from a neuro-divergence perspective. It really doesn't do a lot of good to question what you're getting out of processing things differently, certain that it seeming maladaptive for your present environment must spell that there was something your past wherein you didn't suffer from it that you're therefore compensating for, and gaining something by avoiding the past, more outwardly sensible behavior. we develop coping mechanisms for all kinds of things, and not all of them are so simply external. You have to ask yourself if you had an age when that kind of reaction would have been uncharacteristic as well, because otherwise, it might well not be trauma, but something about your chemical makeup.

Being unable to live up to expectations

I recently learnt that parents live longer than none parents one of the theories behind this is they get sick more often from their kids bringing back illnesses from school. I've never been sick as often as these past 12 months since my son started nursery. I guess I'll live a long life then!

First time I get sick in a long time after talking about how comfy being sick is last night lmao

I have decided to come off medication partly and investigate why. More pain, indeed.

My mom as passed a way and i have forgiven her the best i can. I had a bother with down syndrome and i loved him dearly, But my mom would allow him to hit on me i felt hated for being the normal child and i am smart but did"t try in school at all so beaten down. When my dad was at home my bother would not lay a hand on me and i don"t blame my bother. Long story short i got married young and had a baby i wanted to be away from that abuse. Have let people abuse me until about 2 years ago i will not take any thing off of anybody anymore. Don"t look for trouble. The good news is i worked with children for many years and if they had been abused they come to me for help and i helped make there life better. So something bad came out beautiful later in my life. Hope this helps some one. Take a stand for your self..

Why they never can just get straight to the answer? So much was said yet I still learned nothing...

Right in time for being down with Covid for the third time.

This is me 100%

The emergency rooms are full of people there for attention. Some will even harm themselves sadly just to get some personal interaction.

I think I have this illness and I'm sabotaging my relationship with my partner! I'm afraid I've really crossed the line this time and it's over! It's all my fault!😥😥😥

Connecting with the joy of looking at absurd things. This will make you fall in love with life. The absurdity of when I walk out of my house, I look at trees, cars, the sun, the clouds, the desert, where I live. Even my own body. When I look at my own body I just get joy out of looking at the absurdity of my own body. My body is a work of art. I can connect with that um. Just that alone is enough to create an amazingly fulfilling life.

Yes, that's my mother.

The way i tried to throw myself into an online LDR just to keep my mind off my helpless need for therapy and my dysfunctional relationship with mom?

I feel so alone I literally have no one to talked to not even my parents. Oh I wish I could really try to open up more

the channel “Teal Swam” just uploaded a video explaining the same thing exactly, i just watched it before this one. i already started to suspect that what im going through ,is a way of my subconscious mind to over protect me. now im want to find a way to release this resistance , so i can completely heal. & do things that i want.

Because of trolls and idiots who promotes mental health are actually hurting people.