Why the Emptiness in Borderlines, Narcissists? (Introjection Failure and Compulsive Introjection) 

Your explanation about how the narcissist is stuck emotionally at a very early age explains a lot and makes sense now. The narcissist I was dealing with was really a toddler.

I had a ex girlfriend harassing me for the last year after i left. Over the last couple months, I have been taking in all of this work and on Sunday she called using blocked numbers and I answered and I was able to verbalize all of prof Sams work to her in a way that was undoubtedly on point. After so many years, I got her to actually admit that she knew she had this personality disorder, and she told me it was a super power, allowing her to become a millionaire. I calmly and with no narcissistic supply told her you know I can’t be with you I know all this information. Do you know this is never gonna work for you now and I think she’s finally gone forever. I can cry with how thankful I am that I found this channel and this has changed my life forever.

Last night a professor saved my life...he has already saved me a fortune in shrink fees. Thank you, Professor Sam.

To many RU-vid presenters are describing Narcissist's based on any and every sin. It's is very shallow. Thank you for your work.

Hi Sam, I discovered your written material online over 10 years ago and the realisations it gifted me saved my life. I read your essays again and again, until my understanding of NPD behaviour became instinctive and I found the strength to escape. How wonderful to see the name Prof. Sam Vaknin on Talk TV today, all these years later, shedding much-needed light on the unfathomable psychology of the warmonger. I’m just here to say, thank you for the life-saving information you share and congratulations on your inspiring and hugely impactful career.

I wish i could just start over.

My mother told me many times while growing up that she would kill me. I had to shut down, i had to repress myself and i think i began to be borderline. I began to self hurt as a response to her mistreatment. I felt empty and had extreme anxiety. Being me, having an ego meant betrayal to my mother and the death of myself😢. I am 25 and i dont know how to break this fear.

What happens during the first 1-2 years of the baby's life when the mother goes back to work after the first few weeks of their life and the mother is replaced by a caregiver, a paid worker; someone whose paid job it is to be a surrogate mother? How does that affect the baby's ability to successfully replace the mother (the paid surrogate) with real people? Have we created an entire generation of people who are not separating in a healthy and meaningful way, and becoming narcissistic, because of the trauma of having no real loving mother for the first few years of their lives? I know this video is not meant to address this relatively new cultural phenomenon, but I would like to see it addressed in a future video especially because of its potential impact on our society.

"We Are emptiness when we are born. We fullfill it with Self and with relationships."

I have felt this odd emptiness in me my whole life. I learned now that this can be caused by my abusive childhood; I was raised by a pathological narc father and an his enabler as a mom. What is childhood without safe parenthood? I became selfsufficient. Always coping by myself from the early childhood years and codependent adult and choose wrong life partners. I felt that there was something wrong in me (as I was never loved) and was so happy if somebody flattered me and said he loved me. I would do absolutely everything for him not to be alone again. I never learned as a kid what love is. This was the emptiness in me. There was not love invested me as a child. I didn't know how to love myself and therefore let those abusive relationships to continue. Emptiness is still there but doesn't feel so crushing anymore. I understand it. It's my inner child who raises her head now and then. I have done a lot of work with myself. My parents were not perfect but then: whose are? Every generation carries some (toxic) behavioral patterns of the previous generations to their adult life. Then there are the expectations of the others..society, relatives, working life etc. You are never alone in your relationship. My life has been living according to given roles. Nobody never asked what I really wanted and I never question myself if I was living a life good for myself..my personality. The saddest thing is that I lost tens of years living with abusive persons not realizing that I have myself chosen them on the basis of my history. Looking at the mirror was too painful..so was growing as a person but it was worth it.

Wow...I had to watch this in bits vs. all at once. It's a lot of incredible information to process. Makes total sense, and I appreciate the education very much. Thank you.

I promise Dr Vaknin, if you did a case study on me and my family, you might become thrilled beyond belief. This is not just theory. It’s reality.

To me this also explains hoarding disorder and maybe even Binge eating disorder to some extent. When this is overlayed onto those disorders then they are both symptomatic of trying to fill the empty void, with objects or food both inanimate that you can project positive feelings onto, . Interesting

How can I live with this emptiness? Am I dead already? 😞

❤There is nothing greater than learning all this basic information Sir.Thank you for your great knowledge Sir.❤

I love your work! Can you do a video about deadbeat dads? Secret “breeding” kink, walking away. It’s hard to wrap a mind around.

Keep up the world-class work. As you know, you are helping many people understand reality and thus "feel better." Humble thanks.

Dear Professor Vaknin, what an informative lecture. I have been listening to you during my pregnancy and after birth, so my baby knows your voice. 😂 You are talking a lot about psychological child development, veeery useful information for me as a mother. This was another great lecture, I am very grateful. Dankeschön.

So if someone has comorbid npd and bpd , will they use both introject and external regulation?

Спасибо, Sam! Это большое счастье слушать вас.

So this is why I read Dostoevsky, Sartre, Camus, and Nietzsche, and listen to Stravinsky. Thank you for the insight, Professor Vaknin.

Years ago, I read a very good book called I’ll Fly Away by Wally Lamb. The liner notes said Lamb was teaching a writers workshop at a maximum security prison for women and was asked to do this because of the alarming rate of suicide in the prison. A startling fact of the 20 or so inmate writers is that they were all sexually abused. 😢

Why this absence pretending to be a presence.. so true, seen it hundreds of times, when the show is over, whatever it is, family gatherings, public events, when they get home the emptiness pushes through. Who am I? They ask, who am I supposed to be? On the brink of psychotic breakdown, I may need to go to hospital she says, it's all a act in public for them. If you are consumed with wanting payback to the borderline, put it aside, they are already tormented to the core, dont let the grandiosity deceive you. They are already reaping the fruit of their ways.

Great video! I would love to watch a video where you explain the psychology behind machiavellian personality since this dark personality isn't as well explained as the other dark tetrad personalities.

I've been listening to your videos since 3 months now, a few times a week : how come do I still feel like I am just as much borderline as I am narcissist.. ? thank you

I've met many people who are like these babies that are deceiving themselves. There are people who are not well-adjusted whom I have encountered that have a relationship with me completely within their own mind. Because I know how to tell if a person is being authentic I've been able to call many people out on this during the dating process.

Hey, Thanks for the great video.. I’d like to hear you talk about how pornography is leading us back into infancy.. causing us to interact with internal objects. I was just thinking about that when u said it

lack of love is the cause :(

I know my middlle son is borderline.He had a normal upbring like my 2 other children.However at 3 n half ony child who became clingy for about 2wks of kindergarden.He cried n never want to leave my side.His mind always far away.His dad is narc always close to him..However he stillshave alot of my goodi in parts of him.

In your professional opinion, do you think it’s ever possible for borderlines to learn how to self-regulate, or at least get better at it, or are we always going to find this nigh-on impossible?

OK, I think I've got it. Don't know why but has me curious about projection and how it relates and whether narcissist and borderline differ in how and to what extent they engage in projection. Narc object inconstancy=constant projection? Borderline..? And how this all relates to Jungian idea of Anima/Animus projection. Must study more!

You are the best teacher. From this lecture, I understand the concept of Object Constancy very well now, something I can't even fathom before this that I could ever perceive it sensically. Merci énormément !

45 years ago I truly wanted to become a psychologist, I even took a year in the junior college, now I remember why.

Professor when the mother of the narcissist, serves the baby his physical needs only without any emotions, is that the main reason for narcissism to occur? Thank you for your video!

Your best yet, sir. Thank you.

I understand the borderline’s failure to maintain the introject is a defense mechanism due to the lack of safety offered by her external objects (abusive caregivers). Do you think perhaps the borderline, at 24mos - 36 mos, possessed inate empathy (insight into the external objects, their spiritual separateness, perhaps, wickedness) which the narcissist lacks? To protect herSelf, she detached internally from the external objects, therefore, gaining a self in the way the narcissist failed? Perhaps, once the borderline arrives at a safe external environment, she is free to reunite with the self that she was initially protecting?

Excellence in explaining really what is going on for these different personalities from infancy development and lack thereof. It helps me to be able to have compassion for them, different than how I did before & better protect myself. It also clearly explains why they cannot change; any perceived change is just manipulation, and how life gets so far worse for them as they age. Thank you. I very much appreciate your work and willingness/ability to provide the facts.

Ha-ha… “It’s as simple as that,” he says. I seldom disagree with Dr. Vaknin, but I hardly think it simple. I listen, rewind, listen and repeat. lol Thanks for the great insight!

Maybe a Borderline Personality inhibition (I think disorder is not the best word because personhood is not established) is a human as inside out, a mirror turned humanbeing !?

Thank you Prof Vaknin for explaining this complex mechanisms for us. While listening to you sometimes it makes me feel like physics and psychology are somehow interrelated e.g. the way in which you explain paradoxical phenomenons.

Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin for interesting and useful video ❤

Very interesting and useful knowledge ❤ Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin ❤

2 weeks now ghosted by my BPD ex ! Im trying to forgot her ! Im battling everyday with my thoughts.....its not that easy but maybe its for the better. . .

I feel confused. As I watch this video it makes me feel even more empathetic towards my narcissistic boyfriend. I know this isn't your intention but it makes me want to help him more. I admire you and appreciate your work.

So when a borderline goes into remission, does that mean she is now able to interject? Or never develops the ability?

Do you have a book or video which addresses a solution or treatment path that addresses either condition? If not, do you have any recommendations as to where and how someone would find help with such conditions?

Does all you say about borderlines here apply to the covert borderline? I know in the past you’ve referred it it as a hybrid, sometimes a basket case. Would it be a case by case basis on if a covert borderline would be able to create introjects? Or are they just bad with both external and internal object organization?

Do you have a video that explains how to separate autism and BPD from each other? Both can rely on external validation, and many women are diagnosed with BPD, when the real or primary issue is autism.

Hi Sam, love your work and utubes, really appreciate having these lectures available. A question that arises for me is , if the Narcissist populates his/her mind with introjects how come they are not self sufficient and not in need of constant validation ?

What is the difference between a borderline’s failure to introject and an As If’s failure to introject?

When can we expect a german translation of " Malignant Selflove Narcissism revisited"?

So if narcissism is a coping mechanism developed by a borderline, does this mean the borderline manage to reverse their inner functioning since you describe them borderline and narcissist like the inverse of each other (yet same traits)

Are histrionics empty too?

Borderlines are mostly victims of narcissists, yet they are stigmatized and they surely are not empty shells, they have empathy and they seek help. Please stop mixing up everything and doing more damage to people struggling with BPD and PTSD, It doesn't help at all.

Human brain loves drama, or drama combined with a humor.... but its ok only in movies for entertainment or maybe creativve humor etc humor for some people isnt as creative if there are butterflies and birds and bunnies and kitties... it should be allowed only in movies...as we all think, but nobody wants it in real life. But some people forget there is a time to act appropriately with a respect.

Do you have any videos on how a baby who is seperated at birth from its mother becomes a narcissist? My ex was never adopted and grew up in a childrens home where they describe it as Disney Land!

What about psychopaths? Do they have a void as well? If so, is it the same, or is it different?

As parent who failed my child(she was exposed to childhood adverse experiences).I see a lot of signs in my 14year old for borderline personality resemblance.Is it too late to bring her to effective therapy?

If internalisation of the relationship with the father did not happen, because of absent father figure, what happens then, how is this manifested latter in life?

How do we heal?

Legal help, Please Been asking a year. *Help me save my life* Narc father, violent rage, hate Helped ruin my 23yr biz, smear campaign, manipulated police so I had ZERO protection from physical attacks & death threats. Id supported that town & was #1 tech resource... soon as I needed help cops said I should leave town & wouldn't protect me. Ive been gone a year, hiding. I have a home I cannot visit- just found out county sheriff looking for me. If I go back Ill be locked up or murdered... My father needs me gone, to not exist. His tactics have now completely isolated me, no support, no family, no money, no Justice,... I can't hold on like this forever. I am losing hope... That's what he wants. I have no voice. Nothing I say or write gets thru to anyone. Art is 1st time in life I've found a way to communicate from my soul to another's. I've started posting rewritten songs on tiktok... But been scared to say too much @trasee_say