I can’t count the number of times that I’ve seen attractive women with lesser attractive men. In fact, when I see gorgeous women on dates, it is usually the case that the man is not even close to her in looks.
I see this a lot too. But usually the guy is rich. So the guy might provide financial support while the women maybe some status. There are also cases when the women is objectively pretty but have a low self-esteem so they date down.
I honestly don’t think so. I’ve seen gorgeous women with shorter guys, fat guys, guys whose noses are too big, guys with recessed chins in combination with big nose, etc..I even hear other people comment “what the hell is she doing with him?” This is more the norm than the exception. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a gorgeous woman with a man who was her equal in looks.
I work with the general public and observe thousands of couples weekly. The vast majority of couples (I'd say 99%) are looksmatched in terms of SMV. Sometimes I'll see a couple where the man or woman is significantly less attractive than their partner face wise, but they will almost always make up for it with a great body (or height in the case of men). And pointing out looks mismatched celebrity couples proves nothing. We are talking about the top 0.0001 percent of humanity in terms of wealth and status. Different rules are in play.
I know a normal couple in my college where some below average-looking guy in pretty much every way pulled an absolute beauty. There’s no justifying for this guy. He probably just has a lot of social skills I guess.
Girls are mostly less confident and guy are mostly overly confident. Pretty girls date ugly guys because they're insecure with their looks and need someone to reassure them that they're beautiful all the time so they would rather settled for a less than waiting for the right one. Besides girls are naturally more nicer so in their heads they'll be like "i can tolerate his face so i might give him a chance."
If you are under 40, I recommend that you don't watch these videos. I can't imagine anything more discouraging or boring than all the intense analysis' of "attractiveness." Take such videos with a grain of salt, don't become obsessive about your appearance, or over scrutinize yourself. Be appreciative of your health and strive to become a skilled and interesting person. We all age, but we get to keep our skills and knowledge. That's something to celebrate!
There is actually a whole book about it called "The Passion Trap" Dean C. Delis and Cassandra Phillips. It explains why we are almost always be unhappy in unequal looks relationships
What I can't reconcile in my mind is that QOVES has previously spoken about how people are very poor judge's of their own attractiveness, that nearly everyone thinks that they're much more/less attractive than they actually are, but this video describes how people universally express a preference for the most attractive people but only pursue people that are their looksmatch, which would suggest that people are in fact good judges of their own attractiveness
Great connection. However, I think his previous points were more on people's judgement of their own attractiveness in response to a cue, often external - interviews, question from another person, question in a survey, etc. where they are exposed to some level of judgement from other people or from their own conscious mind. Sometimes people do rank themselves, for different psychological contexts, better for eg. to boost their confidence, or worse for eg. to preserve their internal humility. And sometimes people do actively choose to undermine attractiveness and focus on other values, though this might be rare and less talked about. It's of course important to note that conscious internal mechanisms always interacts intricately with external contexts for the final behaviours. The way I understand QOVES' body of video content on this topic is that people are good judges of their own, and others', attractiveness intuitively/ subconsciously and it reflects in their actions [romantic pursuit] even if they might intellectualise or verbalise these ratings quite contradictorily.
I watch his content because despite stuff I disagree with he does give insight to new to me info like research and stuff. I remembee watching that video on how people are poor judges of their own attractiveness and listening to hin explain the studies and interpret them and just thinking it doesn't sound right at all. Like, for example, I would be so confused if I had to judge my own attractiveness. At one point I came to the working theory that I can be anything to different people raging from stunning to ugly and everything in between but most people would just see me as average. I won't go into detail but I posted in r/amiugly and the responses reflected that. I feel like the fact that I find it so hard to "decide" how attractive I am and can genuinely _see it_ and perceive it from different angles speaks for, ironically, since I can't quite cast a judgement, my judgement being rather realistic. Like another replier said we could assume those people made such off judgements because of the external factors the study introduces but it just wasn't how Qoves talked about it, was it? I think he's very good at gathering data and deciding how to put it inti videos, deciding what topics to make videos on, how to present the information, etc., and then crafting that, but I think every now and again his interpretation of the information is a little off - or at least I disagree with it.
foolproof is to have your face measured and compare that data- and especially take note of how people around you react to you its a bit difficult as a guy because you gotta be up there to consistiently get looks from women as 80% of women only care for top20% of men
Idk why but modern dating looks so depressing to me. I'm 23 already but still don't even want to try. Seems like a battlefield without much of a victory in the end. Anything else feels like a breath of fresh air and a ray of sunshine when I switch my attention from thoughts about dating.
Hello perfect stranger on the internet it is I, another perfect stranger on the internet we don't know each other and for sure never will, now that I've put that out of the way let me tell you something. Stop wasting your time dating. Seriously. You mentioned feeling like modern dating is like "A battlefield without much of a victory in the end" No my fellow RU-vid viewer, modern dating is much more akin to a literal killing field; Modern dating is much more along the lines of WW1's trenches where absolutely nobody was winning anything even if a very small minority felt as if this whole charade was worth anything meaningful to begin with.
Don't let this kind of videos brainwash you. This is the mindset of a decadent world in the most absolute crisis, the extreme and the end of evolutionism and materialism. Go back to God, not religion: God.
3:15 in my experience some people also don't go for more attractive people because they assume they're stuck up. It's happend more than a few times that people told me they assumed I was vain, stuck up or simply a b*tch, and were later surprised when it turned out untrue. Just recently someone told me they were surprised I flirted with them, and explained that they didn't even try to come onto me, because I'm "out of their league" and therefore I must look down on them. I believe some people project their own insecurities and are trying to make themselves feel better, by assuming the people they find attractive and/or are jealous of have an unpleasant personality.
Unfortunately, I think this can be true. I can only speak from my experience, but there have been times I've unintentionally projected my own insecurities on situations as well. Although, I mainly worry about how I am perceived thus treated VS if they are stuck up? So, like sometimes I don't think I am attractive enough, so I'd be surprised if someone rly attractive thought I were attractive when normal looking people wouldn't rly pay attention to me either. Some people might do this to make themselves feel better lol, but for me it's definitely to protect my own feelings! Sorta like rejecting yourself before the other person can reject you. It sounds rough on your end too tho. Gl fam!✨
@@proxied8075 Not so much projecting insecurities as acknowledging realities. I've been in enough relationships to know that looks matter - alot. There's the halo effect. There's the preferential treatment. There is the entitlement. And that's not projection. It's real. And people are superficial. Incredibly so. There is also of course the issue of having to perform constantly so as to maintain an attractive partner's interest, for the simple fact that they have higher sexual mobility and the ability to replace you if you fail repeatedly to meet expectation. Attractive people do not typically think this way because they don't have to think this way. They view it as insecurity, yet remain entirely unaware of the unique hell into which lesser attractive people are constantly immersed. I also have ample experience of these factors from my ten year marriage with a far more attractive woman. Even though she expressed to me repeatedly that "she should love me more" because of all the effort I was putting into our marriage and to my health, fashion and humor, she simply couldn't. And in the end, engaged in an affair with a far more attractive lover. Dismissing these factors is gaslighting, plain and simple. And minimizing their importance helps no one.
Getting genuine attraction from a person on your looks level is way better than jumping through all kinds of hoops to get some affection from a person above your looks level
This is true. Unless you're one of the rare, unfortunate guys who busts his butt to join the top tier of male attractiveness, yet somehow still gets no interest from girls on your level, below your level, or even way below your level. It's a special, rare feeling to look at your reflection, with its defined 6 pack abs, rippling chest, and bulging biceps, yet be unable to get any interest from any girl who's even average.
A muscular body is cultivated but , aside from plastic surgery, a handsome face is something you either have or you don't. Handsome faced men with good bodies will get attention, but just having a muscular body wont
@@fuzzypanda1684 I'm sorry bro but Girls don't care a whole lot about your muscles , Face and Height is what matters most , your body is only a complementary side option
@@punisher4499 I agree with the part about girls not caring about your physique, and I WANT to agree with the height and face thing...but I see far too many incredibly hot girls who are with short, fat, ugly guys, or painfully average at best guys, to be able to say that. And they're not rich either. It's mind-blowing.
@@fuzzypanda1684 you don't know the details of relationship , if you want geniuine attraction , face and height is king , sure girls might use you for money and status but it will not be geniuine attraction
@INTERNALLYSCREAM1NGi somewhat agree but as a woman myself, society has moulded us to care and cater for our looks AND ONLY that! Look around you, its in your face (as a woman) and now its targeting men too
it's quite difficult to date within your league when everyone's view on your beauty can vary, according to their standards. anyways, i noticed how insanely attractive people who never had a glowup (thus never were bullied for their looks) lack personality and tend to be very narcissistic and often stuck up.
be honest you wish you had their treatment too, everyone has an ego I've noticed if you massage the ego of the less attractive kid you make him/her go a lil crazy dopamine hits they shouldn't have gotten etc...
@@Staticshock-rd8lv lmao you talk as if you know what i look like lool anyways no, i receive way too much unwanted attention, i mostly spoke from my own experience. and yes, “ugly” people do get more cocky if a pretty person gives them a chance.
@@goldenhourss I thought you were an ugly person complaining about beautiful people. anyways giving ugly or less attractive people ego boosts even in anything not just dating makes them do too much as compared to before example you let them tell one joke and they start telling 100 or in sports make them believe they are the best player in the world etc.... even in school same deal. Its not exclusive to them same with attractive but if the attractive person fucks up and becomes a narcissist/takes it too far people are more willing to accept that crazy behavior from an attractive person vs a phony.
“Everyone preferred the most attractive partner.” That’s it, there it is. The most attractive people are the most DESIRED. What does that tell me? Almost all couples you see out there….are SETTLING with each other. So, when I see your random average couple at the mall, at the grocery store, at the movies…I know for a fact, the boyfriend/husband settled for his girlfriend. He still desires a far more physically attractive woman. And the girlfriend/wife, still desires a far more physically attractive man. So when both see an extremely attractive person of the opposite sex in public, they still PREFER someone on that caliber of attractiveness. “Looks don’t really matter” is one of the biggest lies in our culture.
Counter argument...settling...I think it may be ‘settling in the present’. Attractiveness definitely changes over time. I believe some of the more qualitative studies on attractiveness have emphasised that women take attractiveness ‘potential’ into account. Some people’s looks fade over time or they may let themselves go, whereas other people may learn to enhance their own features. Some facial structures look good in youth, whereas other look good as you age depending on how/where you loose volume and bone structure. Unfortunately many celebrities have the capacity to match each other in attractiveness at all points in time because it is kind of their job to maintain their looks, Where this doesn’t quite happen all the time IRL, And let’s face it without the cosmetic intervention, it would be highly unlikely that the celebrity couples would be matched in terms of their looks throughout the entirety of their relationship.
I didnt use to believe in leagues but every guy I dated would act insecure and tell me I was out of their league. That insecurity made them abusive and terrible so believe someone when they say you deserve better or you're "out of their league". It means that will be a crap partner for you
Same same happens to me. „what did he do to get you? You can do way better” and then relationship was controlling and plain shit full of jealousy and calling me all the time, so outsiders were right lol
this didn’t happen to me! he is so wonderful and caring. when i first started talking he would ask about my sex life and how many people i dated, and the low number shocked him. it was kind of a confidence booster to have him in disbelief that i hadnt had sex in many years, and that i didnt have many partners previously. (keep in mind this was out of curiosity and not to shame me or anything. he was genuinely asking these like he was confident the answer was going to be high) but when he started telling me i was “out” of his league it really broke my heart. i don’t think this applies to everyone. even if they are all insecure when they say this, not everyone weaponizes their insecurities by controlling you. he doesn’t care about what i wear in public or about people looking at me, he doesn’t control anything i do, he actually entertains me wearing revealing clothing. sometimes people saying “out of your league” just means they think they don’t deserve you because they don’t feel good about themselves. others want to make sure they keep what they believe is a rare opportunity by controlling you/kicking out any potential for competition. i think they both share something in common though and it’s that they think so little of themselves that they believe they are easily replaceable with someone who’s “on your level”. very sad to hear from people who genuinely want to be good to you, i think he’s really handsome even if he doesn’t know it :(
@@dunar1005 Ah the usual victim blaming narcissist defending abusive behavior. But you're right. I should have never given them or any other man the time of day. Thankfully I know now that most of you are worthless and won't make that mistake again. Been rejecting men left and right and will continue to do so. The best choice a woman has is to not pick men at all so she wont be blamed if he ends up committing crimes against her. Wonder if you say the same thing to men who lose their kids to abusive moms. Tell them they should have picked better women. Probably not since your kind is usually hypocritical
But why does it matter? Wouldn't people just not be attracted to people on their league if they don't think they're attractive and so not date anyone if it comes to that, even if they are both on the same level? That's why it's interesting
I can confirm this. I dated 2-3 partners that were 8-10 out of 10, depending on how high your standards are. I was told constantly how pretty my partner is, how „lucky“ i am, and even though i was standing right beside, people were trying to hit on them.. it was kind of annoying to not just see people only react to looks, but also how they got away with worse behavior in general, just because people are more forgiving towards pretty people. And every single one of them had multiple stories about people using their power to get close to them, or outright abuse them.
My ex had a lot of resentment towards me and would leave me alone in public places just because people would come up to me and compliment me. But then he also would want me to come places where he could show me off - like football practices where there were rarely any other guy’s gfs. It was very confusing and frustrating. Once he started trying to belittle me I knew how he truly felt about me. I felt alone in a relationship because the person I was with was bitter other people wanted me when all I truly wanted was his love and attention. It really goes both ways 😔
I believe everyone's experience is different, in my case the higher the rating the better and the lower the worse. A man's league is his own ability, no matter how hot your date no one should be hitting on her, looks ate one thing charisma and personal power another
I believe everyone's experience is different, in my case the higher the rating the better and the lower the worse. A man's league is his own ability, no matter how hot your date no one should be hitting on her, looks are one thing charisma and personal power another
@@TiffyAlwaysBlissy sounds like he was insecure about your attention you got. He was still proud about it, that’s why he wanted to show you off when he was in control.
Just be happy that you've dated people of that caliber. I'm one of those guys who was unattractive and unpopular in my youth, who spent years busting my butt to transform myself into a highly attractive man with a top tier physique, and charisma and confidence to spare. Yet I still can't get any girl that I'm interested in to be interested in me. I look at myself in the mirror, at the hard earned 6 pack, broad shoulders, gasp inducing biceps, on top of the outgoing personality that took years to cultivate, and yet any girl that I'm into is all but guaranteed to be disinterested in me. It's hard to describe the level of depression that reality induces as very few men have experienced it.
I do agree looks seem to play a role to some level. However, I think a partners beauty is more important to men than women. They will sleep with unattractive women, but they seem to generally prefer more attractive women for partners. Women are the opposite; he has to be somewhat attractive to be 'worth' just sleeping with. But for a partner, looks are secondary to certain character traits. In short, women tend to look at the personality, and then she considers if there is any severe dealbreakers with his looks. Whereas men tends to look at her looks, and if she is attractive enough, then he looks at her personality. I actually think there is a study (can't remember where I found it) that said that men preferred to be the funny one, whereas women preferred to be the most attractive one (within the relationship). And couples who fulfilled this were generally happier. But an interesting subject for sure!
The funny but unattractive man is seen more as a comedian than a potential mate. The attractive AND funny man is seen overall as equally desirable to an attractive woman. The couple that fill THAT criteria are probably what you’re talking about
@@harsh3948 I think men *think* they need to be significantly more attractive, than what they actually need to be. :) Possibly because men value beauty so highly in a partner. It is the same reason why some women don't understand that he will start looking at other women, if she stops taking care of herself. I think good style and good hygiene can take a man really far. It can make 'unattractive' men look at least average, and average men look above average. Good self-esteem/confidence, as well as some level of social skills/basic respect will also have a huge impact. Again, men will generally be able to find someone 2-3 points higher than themselves in a romantic partner, depending on how much effort they put into themselves. If you are looking for a quickie with a 10 with zero effort and time, you will probably not succeed, no. But if you make the effort to build a connection with someone 2-3 points higher than you, and, you know, actually care about her personality too. Then you will have a fairly decent chance. :)
Or it's also difficult when someone is super stoked to have a chance with you because your physical appearance put you "out of their league" *at first,* but underneath the surface once they get to know you they realize that you're just another human being with flaws and all - perhaps even the kind of flaws that dramatically reduce your overall attractiveness to the point that they actually put you well *below* their league - could be in terms of social status, financial stability, professional achievement, or even just in terms of self-awareness and mental wellness. It's a hard blow to the partner I'm sure. To realize you've been so naive to idealize a person and put them on a pedestal just because of their looks. And it's a hard blow to you if you're the one who's been idealized, too. Because you're getting rejected for being undesirable - but you realize it's not because of what's on the outside that someone doesn't want you anymore. In fact it's what's on the inside that made you, well, "ugly." Tough pill to swallow but it happens all the time. I used to see and at times even *be* the kind of girl who'd get dumped for an actual legitimate reason, and when that happens to a girl it's like all her friends immediately flock to her to tell her how "out of his league" and "too good for him" she was anyway. But like, was she really though? Because he basically just told her he thinks he could do better... Like is that not what dumping someone is if you really think about it ?? I know that sometimes these affirmations can be very true, but every single time? Every girl is too good for every guy? Idk. I've learned you usually attract whatever vibes you're putting out though. For me I had to see my own toxic stuff to finally stop pulling in more toxic dudes. And if you aren't all that great but still happen to catch someone who is, it's usually on some false pretense and it usually won't last long before they realize their mistake and bolt. Idk. Work on yourself inside and out. Don't lie to yourself because what you see is not always what you get and conversely don't be so quick to believe that you're the whole package when the truth is nobody's perfect - not even you, nor the people who reject you.
Appearance is a gate of getting mating signals, and people judge strangers through first impression. Genetic factors aside, being in good shape resembles self-love and discipline. Workout aren’t just about getting better looks, is a commitment you made it with yourself. Those who insist looks doesn’t matter clearly deluded themselves.
@@ParryLinn Maybe this is nonsense but, usually good looking people tend to be actually great people, except those who are only sexually attractive, they usually are quite nasty (mostly women) and their attractiveness last a very short period of time. A very friendly face tend to be a very good looking face and one that a very kind human holds. Both of my parents are very attractive, my mom being a 10 and dad is a 9. My mom is not flawless in character, but she is an amazing human being, same my dad. Both hold great health. Not saying unattractive people is bad people at all, just that you can see a lot from people in their appereance.
I definitely think my ex had some sort of perfect image of me before he dated me. I wish I was more mature at the time to recognize what was going on. Cause once the bitterness and resentment started…. 😔
Very well stated. You mention social status, financial stability and professional achievement. These are all traits that are desirable in men. Men biologically value youth, fertility and beauty. Women also value looks however it isn't everything if they are looking to start a family. Women wear make up as well, which can be very deceiving. Assigning numbers and rating people out of 10 does not give you an accurate portrayal or assessment, it is much more nuanced than that. Beauty is really skin deep - in the sense that some very attractive people may have qualities that make them unappealing as a partner. Especially as a man - they would much rather have that loyal and appreciative '7' than a toxic and narcissistic '9'.
its good to understand that rejection is simply a redirection towards someone who is more compatible. From personal experience, theres nothing worse than being with someone that truly does not care for you not matter how much you express your desire towards them. You're worth it 🤙
Quite cruel of nature to allow us to not only recognize the beauty of but also - and more importantly - desire people that rank above our attractiveness level.
This is why the “older rich man and young broke woman” film fantasy always makes me laugh. It’s not unheard of but ever wealthy person I know is with an equally wealthy/educated person.
Really? I think that many men focus on becoming vastly wealthy so they can attract a younger, attractive girl. And while many wealthy men are married to equally wealthy women, it doesn't mean they're not fooling around on the side.
@@INTERNALLYSCREAM1NGhow old a man wants his woman to be depends on how old he is lol. Men do date younger women but the average marriage age gap is 3 yrs. This is also massively overstated via media
For me, i think that men prioritize looks more than women. Of course, women love 9/10 guys but their social status and wealth count also. That's why you often see sugar daddy/baby relationship and very rarely the opposite. Leonardo Dicaprio is THE example of that. His beauty has decreased but he can date a lot more models than ever due to his money and the fact that he is a legendary-famous actor now. However, women have also a lower libido/high sexual disgust for people that they don't find attractive at all. That means they won't lower their standards, like men often do just to "fuck".
I'm a woman and I would rather date a bit "down" in terms of looks, if I get along with the person really well. I honestly couldn't be together with someone I have nothing in common with or nothing to talk about even if they were really really attractive. It's just a major turn off if I'm bored with someone.
It has been proven women tend to date down less than men and that hypergamy is more common among women. A lot of guys too go for women for are below them in looks. Needing to be a multimillionair before attractive women will consider you for your *money* and not you, is not really a valid argument.
I always believed that there is a true line standard for beauty, and to some part I still do. But after following this channel for a couple of years I’ve found that beauty in the eye of the beholder is more than just transference of kinks. Because many of these most attractive people statistically found on here wouldn’t even steal a glance from me in public 🤔
I thought i was out my ex GF's league. She's clearly an attractive woman. Everybody thought so. But she had very low confidence. At first i wouldn't believe that, as she is attractive and could come over as very self confident. But that was more of an act.
@debasishdutta974 Our relationship became hell as she was autistic (aspergers), traumatised, dominant and generally crazy. And i wanted to "save" her. That's a mistake i'll never make again. She wanted to have a child with me as well and i don't really wish to have a child. At least, not at the moment and not with such an unstable woman. Also, i had a problem with her being quite attractive. I didn't like that other men were looking at her or showed interest. I know that's also my own insecurity, but i still didn't like it. At some point it just became too much drama and i lost my feelings for her. Which she noticed and became mad about, which brought about fights and at one point it became too much, i packed my stuff and left. Needed half a year to recover from that toxic relationship.
@@NSA31stBatch She did. It was online on a forum, she wanted to have contact over whatsapp. One thing led to another. At first, it was great. We had amazing talks and i was very attracted to her (and she to me). But that was the "in love" stage.
If you say "I thought I was out of my ex GF's league", you're saying you thought you were in a higher league than her, therefore more attractive. If you wanted to say that she was more attractive, the correct way of expressing that would be "I thought my ex GF was out of my league" :)
I think that is not the case. Most men want women who are much better-looking and well-groomed while they themselves are definitely not like that. Then they are shocked that these women do not want them, and they blame the woman who does not want them.
Women typically have higher standards than men. These men can groom themselves to their best ability but unless they are part of the 20%, they’ll still have a hard time dating.
I agree with you but i think it's due some gaslithing that people use to tell like "beauty is on the eyes-of-beholder" or "women seeks for character not looks" that some man get mad when figure-out that is not the case.
Men chose a partner to reproduce with from mainly physical attributes such as fertility-(youthfulness), overall health such as weight/fitness which is generally looked at as beautiful things while women chose a partner by their ability to make them feel safe as in support-(money and skills) and protection like muscles or just bigger/taller which are generally are not things that make you physically beautiful! It's really basic biology and human nature, and it's been like this for more than 500000+ years, so I am not sure how you've missed this in like second or third grade??
Actually I know some very attractive men, who almost always date women way under their league, as if they weren’t conscious of their own attractiveness. My guess is, that it’s because usually men are the ones who have to do the first step ; except for good looking men, who attract more girls. But the beautiful women are used to being hit on, so they don’t make the first move, even if they find the man attractive. Whereas the women under their league, who are less successful, more often have to hit on men, and obviously they will first choose the ones they prefer the most (like on dating apps). So we have the good looking men being hit on by a woman, he thinks « wow, she really likes me, I even didn’t have t do anything », so instead of flirting with a woman of their league, they choose facility and date the less good looking women, as it is easier.
Yeah, the effort needed to put in to date an attractive woman is too much to keep her around constantly due to her abundance of options. If you’re the best option a gal can get, you aren’t that easily replaceable so it’s understandable when attractive guys date below their level as it’s far too easy to get laid
@@sofitocyn100 yes and no. Dating a woman is typically harder when you haven’t slept with her. If you’ve already slept with a woman, convincing her to date you is exponentially easier since you actually placed her in the friendzone till then.
As an attractive man (not my words, I get enough compliments on my physique and get told that I look like an actor often enough to know it's true), I can attest to this. Despite having a 6 pack, an above average face, and an outgoing personality, most girls I approach or talk to aren't interested in me, even if I saw them checking me out before I approached. I wish I knew the reason why, but I haven't been able to figure it out. As such, yeah, I usually end up with girls that are several points lower than me in attractiveness. I know because they tell me that they feel almost uncomfortable because I'm so much more attractive than them. They always cover up when we're naked while admiring my body. And when we're out in public, people look at me with the same look I give hot girls when they're with average guys. I'm not trying to come across as conceited, just relaying my experience.
Opened bumble a week ago. Saw the elo thing in action. Had extremely beautiful people in the cards at first. Got 2 matches during the week. Saw the quality of matches going down as well. It was all 7-8s before. Now it is a lot of 4s matched with 6s and few 7s.
my friends would call me crazy for caring too much about people's look. but it just about personal preference. you can date down or up whichever you want 😂
your friends aren't really that wrong about you because you seem to ignore personality. Looks matter, but only for the short-term or while you're young. Personality is importmant because we all eventully develops wrinkles, white hair, and more things aging will do to us. So find something in your dates that's gonna stay for the long-term
@@BigNil03 of course I care about personality too. if that person is good looking but boring as heck, I won't even bother to persue. I had crush with that type of guy, once I get to know them more and their personality sucks, I immediately forget about them. my point is while watching this channel talk about beauty heavily based on science, my friends or people in general would think you're into deep on superficial thing. so they would call you crazy 😬
Looks absolutely matter, especially in a long term relationship. If you get into a fight, go out on a date night, or are just walking around the city, if you look at your partner and think they're insanely hot, you'll be fine. But if you're not attracted to them, then after a fight, you won't have make up relations, when you go on a date night, you'll get into a fight because you were checking out other people, and when you walk around the city, you'll see people you're more attracted to left and right and when you get back home, won't even want to be in the same room as your partner who now looks even less attractive. Looks absolutely matter.
I was just thinking about this and now this video lmao. I hate how things are but it is what it is. I’m considered lower by most men i want to date, this is hell. I hate being ugly.
All women want to date the same guys as you. Men are ok dating average or dating down. You could be an ugly guy and no women will date down and you are alone forever.
Learn to take pictures properly with the back camera rather than the front, and from a far distance of your camera, that will get you a good realistic mirror-like picture.
6:48 not to mention while those examples of high value people are "mating/marrying down" in a socioeconomic sense, their "lower class partners" oftentimes make up for it by being highly attractive physically and possessing highly desirable personality traits like kindness, generosity, intelligence, modesty etc... the movie versions of "crazy rich asians" and "50 shades of grey" being good examples of this, so it doesn't really feel like a step down from your league and in stories where that's actually the case, for example in the movie "she's out of my league" it just becomes less and less believable (even though it's quite a sweet and heartwarming story but you're just constantly thinking to yourself "cmon really? would that happen in real life, would she still be desiring him after this?" 😂)
I have always dated out of my league because what's really scarier? Getting rejected by a 10 or getting rejected by a 4? If I was to go over to a 4, ask for her number and she say I'm sorry I don't find you attractive, that would haunt me for years.
fr I got rejected by someone I saw as same plane as me for looks, intelligence, everything and had my largest ego meltdown ever lmfao. definitely chill now but omg. rejection's def whatever now but lol
I wouldn’t look at it that way. Sometimes, people have certain types that they’re attracted to. You cannot be offended that someone you didn’t find attractive in the first place doesn’t find you attractive either.
I think many guys start by approaching hot girls, but after endless rejection ultimately start approaching less and less attractive girls. What sucks though is when you also get rejected by them. But the absolute peak punch to your soul is when you spend years getting into shape and become far more attractive, only to still get rejected by both the hot and average girls. Getting rejected by a 6 when you have 6 pack abs and a physique like Thor is almost indescribable.
When I was younger, I always made the first move by talking and asking out my crushes who were very very good looking, like the most popular in the school or class, the athletes, musicians, etc. I just went for it even though I thought they were way out of my league but surprisingly, all of them actually reciprocated my feelings 😆
Because it has to do with trust. You know yourself so you trust someone more likely who looks like you or is on the same scale as you. I would feel akward with someone below or above my scale.
I don't get people, why even believe that there is a dating "league"? Like what makes an attractive looking person better than you or anyone for that matter? I mean it more so just makes you insecure about how you look. Which is not a good thing in general within dating, because confidence is a very important matter.
@@Yusa_Beach Confidence is important but looks matter greatly more. You can have a good body, confidence and hit on a 8/10 chick but she'll reject you because your face is a 5 or 6/10 instead of the 7 or 8 she desires. Sure there are anamolies but looks are the main dividend here.
For women...this 'failure' comes with being pumped and dumped. For men...this 'failure' comes with trying to up one's SMV and the woman meets him at his proverbial finish line. Which scenario appears more convenient?
I'm a woman, and people would CONSTANTLY comment on why I was dating the guy I was with, literally everyone from family and friends to complete strangers! They had no shame in saying that I was completely out of his league, and that I was way too attractive for him, etc. I didn't make me feel good about myself at all, it just made me feel really bad for HIM because I loved him, and I didn't think about it like that at all. Now with that said, I did suffer from BDD, so I couldn't see my own attractiveness. But even if I could've back then, I still wouldn't have cared. (SN: He was an abuser, but regardless of that, his level of attractiveness in the eyes of others was never of importance to me.)
I would never actually say it to anyone's face, but whenever I see a beautiful girl with an average or below average guy, all I can think is "whyyyyy?".
Funny because I just saw a comment on a video about (don’t remember what it was about) and the person who commented said he/she was working in the legal/married-divorce stuff (English not my language sorry) and said that the couples who fought the most or who had the worst conflicts were the couple, who people would consider « beautiful ». And the commenter said « guess on what their marriage was based on…. Looks »
My bigger theory is people go for people who looks similar to them ( not on same level of attractiveness) as I think genes don’t want to be wildly differentiated yet more “closer to home” to give variation yet not as wild as would be with a total opposite partner
True. But. Though people unsuccessful in dating/mating (usually men) often end up with a person of a different racial and ethnical background. You can explain it with economic reasons (like white men traveling to SE Asia or Latin America etc) but I believe that they crave to mix with someone very different from themselves under subconscious desire to alter the genes of their potential offspring.
Another reason why ordinary people pursue the ones at the top of the food chains is their own inaccurate estimate of their attractiveness and ”market”value, when it comes to estimating own attractiveness people tend to be biased
Thank you Qoves for this. You are always helpful. Using this information to leverage. I think I'm fairly physically attractive since I get hit on by strangers but I'm really introverted, can be shy, and a homebody. I have good communication skills though. I'm not socially awkward but I'm not very popular as well
There's a lot of examples good looking guys who are successful, funny, etc. getting stunning girls over great looking guys. If you took prime Brad Pitt and made him a janitor, most women won't be attracted to the situation. It's not fully about money, but women like men who are respected by other men. So if you the best architect, investor, brain surgeon, dj, etc. women will find it more attractive versus a guy who just won the lottery.
If the man is facially unattractive but he has traits that elevate him to compensate such as being tall, wealthy and fit, it often times can even out. Sure, it might stil not work on more superficial platforms such as social media/online dating, but he does have options if he presents himself in the right way irl.
@@adelaideeverett9134 same for me... And it's less common for men to hit on me. But when women hit on me, they're mostly very attractive so that's why I'm confused right here
I hope not x2... I mean, people rarely, if ever, hit on me. I can literally count those on one hand, and three were homeless men. The other, 2 boys from HS who were very weird. Then, I seem to make friends really easy, other women refer to me as "the cute girl", and usually the prettiest ones "adopted" me in HS and college (like Cady was "adopted" by the Plastics from Mean Girls haha).
No. Men who are not attractive physically are more likely to pursue women in that way without getting to know them. You notice that attractive men do not approach women as much as unnatractive men. many women gets hit on those guys and it doesn't mean anything
I know Qoves has done a vid on Ryan Gosling before but I’m interested in how he was chosen for and (in my and many other’s opinion) perfectly suits Ken for the new Barbie Movie. He’s a little bit of an unorthodox pick for a role that may have gone to a male model or a more masculine looking actor.
When I first heard that Ryan is going to play Ken I was surprised in a negative way. But when I finally saw Barbie movie I thought that Ryan is perfect as Ken. It's all about charisma, acting and personality. Since it was a character for a laugh and not for perfection he scored!
Our perception of what is attractive is based on 1) biology 2) culture 3) social factors. The biology part is based on psychology. Examples are longing for lost youth, feeling secure, issues w/ parents, childhood trauma, etc. Culture is essentially societal dictates on how to interact with others & how to structure your life. Baby dolls, tea sets, playing house, Barbie, cartoons, romantic comedies, love songs, all movies w/ love interest, religion, etc influence us. For males the conventional attractiveness of their female partners is a status symbol, even as an adolescent. If our adolescent peers & friends make fun of us for having an unattractive girlfriend, we're likely to experience less satisfaction with the relationship & find someone else who raises our social ranking. Social status is based on 1) family social-economics 2) educational attainment 3) friends & 4) romantic partner. This video focuses on physical attractiveness only & seems to be solely from the male perspective.
What people fail to understand is that while atractivness is important, is not the only thing. A lot of people "date down" to people not as atractive as them because theres something else to compensate for the lack of beauty in that partner, the interest in the person less atractive can be because of hipergamy when it comes to women or poligamy when it comes to men, other reasons can be low self steem when it comes to one own looks, the security of thinking by dating down that partner would not cheat on you (wish is pretty dumb because people will cheat anyways no matter the situation they have) or in some extremly rare cases, personality (and by rare I mean probably 1% percent of population) sorry for my awful englis btw
I don’t date within my league, I date whoever I find attractive. I have no fear of rejection either, I just approach as many hot women as possible until I find one who will date me I’ll go through problems hundreds of rejections but idc. I’m too narcissistic to settle and I’m proud of that, I actually have standards. That’s what separates me from all other guys.
In short because men care more about attractiveness physically, more than women do, it’s likely that you’ll see more attractive women than men. However this takes into account the women with nails, wigs, makeup and any other “enhancements” used to boost their attractiveness. Typically men that are deemed handsome won’t be using those types of enhancements other than a fresh cut and maybe working out. We also have to take into consideration that physical attractiveness isn’t the end all be all for men because women are also looking for status, money, protection. So that couple you saw where the wife was just so much more attractive and the man was mediocre, let’s just say he was very attractive in his wallet. And lastly a quick tip for the men. Being physically attractive isn’t completely about your genetics. A lot of these women invest time into their appearance not just through makeup and enhancements but also their hygiene. Even if you aren’t “genetically fortunate”, you can still clean yourself up, workout, eat well and look nice.
@@deepakds4142Try this RU-vid video about increasing height after fusion of growth plates. As well as optimizing nutrition and sleep. If that doesn’t work leg lengthening.
My wife always has been more attractive than me, I got tired of more attractive/tall men thinking they could "steal" her away from me, now she is older this happens less thankfully.
How did you meet? Work? College? Friends-in-common? i would bet that wasn't through random approach on a club or bar, for example, as on those situations looks are pretty much the only thing avaliated.
Personality and character traits are soo much more important then looks. Especially if I am going to choose this woman to be the mother of my future child.
Yeah but surely personal taste comes into this a bit. My best friend and I have very divergent ideas of what a great looking partner looks like. We might both think we’re dating a ‘10’ but would be dating very different looking people.
For me the biggest problem of all this discussion is how to evaluate who are on the league of who, especially in heterosexual relationships. I think that it is almost impossible to determine if an woman and a man are on the same league, because the ideals of beauty are different for both. Furthermore, individuals trying to determinate what is their own league is other point to make all of this very questionable. And all of this thinking has the preconceived idea that every beatiful person has high self steem and that every ugly person has low self steem, what is not necessarily true.
So true ..I know few persons who are very handsome/ beautiful but they were stuck up in their stressful life and had low self esteem , could not socialise or yk like didn't have the charisma But I have also seen very average or sometimes even a bit below average so charismatic , charming, and highly socialise and it pulled up their level way higher than just physically attractive persons . It's weird but correct too.
@@8Lucas1Simoes2lsdGT How do you not get my point? Society(people) have general opinion of what is beautiful and what is not, I have noticed that people that society thinks they are beautiful have more procedures than people society thinks are ugly, take actors for example, the beautiful ones have the most procedures no matter how small the procedures are than people that are not considered attractive.
@@CuteThingslike what society thinks about the appearence of someone is not everything, there is more than just people's judgement about the beauty of someone that influence the self steem of a person. Surgical procedures can improve the appearence of someone, but it will not protect a person of envious behaviour from others.
Thank God someone put this out! I get so pissed off when my husband expects me to call him handsome while he is 4/10 ( borderline ugly). Look, I am also a mediocre looking woman who stares at beautiful faces and ended up marrying you because you are the best I can get. Since attractiveness is more important to men, IMO the ideal match is when man is 1-2points less than the woman - if you are average or borderline ugly.
I agree, I think with maturity your definition "league" for a long term or marriage partner starts going from purely looks to also shared values and socioeconomic status. I'm a man in my 30s and modestly successful I guess. I've been told I'm good looking by women I don't even know, but in my mind broke hot girls are still broke. I could be wrong though, sugar daddy/baby culture seems rampant these days.
"but in my mind broke hot girls are still broke." I don't understand what you mean by this. Are you saying that you don't feel attracted to poor women, no matter how physically attractive they are?
@@moondog7694 Yeah, I also got confused by what he meant. But I think that's what he's saying, that looks are not just the basis of being in a same league but also values and socioecomic status. Yep, in short, he doesn't like broke hot girls because they're broke which means they're not in the same league
So true like I like those hot manhwa , anime boys😂 But you see in real life even with that looks if he's like not that classy with words or broke , not healthy life choices, and yk kind of different way of living I wouldn't really like to date.
I have bumble and they've matched me with so many handsome rich men because I have a face thats attractive. I wonder how much the body matters. What we see with clothes on can be very different from what we expect.
Usually situation quite different in real life. Very beautiful women almost always end up with much less attractive men. Examples in this video are famous actors/models. But outside of those fields situation is drastically different. Also in more traditional countries it’s all the status and resources that are key factors not looks at all. I guess it would be more fair to say, that people choose partners that have similar lifestyles as they do, or can provide a desired lifestyle
That's so not true lol,. Naturally men look in general more aesthetically beautiful facially than women, but women inflate their facial aesthehics by make up and sexy clothing, because to men, the body is a better indicator of health than the face. But women have different goals so they are almost always dating up, if she prefers connection, she dates guys who are funnier or homier than her, if she's into luxury, she loves rich guys whether attractive or not, or even guys who are SUPER older than her, if she is religious, she might even like the pastor, or the most charismatic in faith, if she's dull, she probably prefers a more charismatic guy. So women don't date down anything. Men often date down tho, cos most men are immature and just love the women's BODY not importantly face but BODY, so when u see immature guys or playboys or fuckboi being with women without fine body then dats dating down and of cos, most of this dudes use women as stepping Stones to get the one they really want, the more attractive one. NOT EVERYTHING IS BASED ON LOOKS.(facially) especially when u consider MAKE-UP
@@stagmz8162 Wait did u seriously just mock me by calling me ugly?, Have u seen me before? Let me give u an advice mate, Before calling someone u HAVEN'T seen ugly, try looking ur self in the mirror, but be careful, what you see might scare you 😏.
Curious if anyone else here has dated a wide range of "leagues"? Ive dated men that would conventionally be considered anywhere from 1 to 10. Would love to hear if anyone relates?
I think a successful relationship needs to have a system where each partner truly believes that their partner is out of their league and they are "Dating Up"
Modern attraction is a relatively new thing too. Back in the day attraction was mostly defined by status, fertility, ability to provide something, etc. You can still see this in tribes that reject modern culture, such as those in Africa. No makeup, no social media, no dating apps, no modern culture. Just people building relationships and providing for their families. I think today we focus on these things because it makes us FEEL good. In other words, dopamine hits instead of building relationships.
Great video. I love the cadence, the host’s voice, the visuals and the content. Subscribed. I believe the greatest factor in individuals dating is the proximity theory. For the reasons he stated in the video, and additionally, it allows, through the physical interactions, a hormonal connection (bonding agents through touch, smell, etc). Which can lead to a mental and emotional connection, which makes a deliberate physical connection that much more likely. And don’t underestimate the power of confidence and laughter (psychology in general). I’ve always dated, since I was in grade school, females who were out of my league. It’s because I was the only one brave enough to ask the most beautiful female in the room.
The people who are saying that “it’s not true, women tend to pick uglier men” are probably comparing celebrities, models, actresses. just women who you look at and she’s advertised as THE woman. But if you look around the real world, it’s usually in the same range.
each time i watch a video on this channel i ask myself why i do it. i ve been anxious about how to look better my whole life and this content is not helpful as i would like to move on from that mindset
As we’ve seen on “the button” people have a very inflated perception on how attractive they are and demand someone out of their league or harsh to someone who’s within their league or even someone who’s slightly good looking
I'm short and pretty average looking, but managed to bag a guy out of my league (he looks like a young Keanu Reeves, with hair like Diego Calva). I'm too embarrassed to take photos with him because I look so unphotogenic next to him. Also the Crazy Rich Asian thing happened to me a few years ago, I met a super wealthy guy, but I guess I wasn't pretty enough so it didn't last. Even if you're average or below average, it doesn't mean you can't win over someone "above your league" in terms of looks. Ultimately everyone is going to age, you very rarely see hot 80 year olds, so looks aren't the be all, end all in relationships
This may be a factor. But there is so so so much more to attractivenes than looks alone. I'm not saying it from a point of giving a naive solace that 'everyone is beautiful inside'. Person's: voice, laugh, body language, mannerism, smell, the way the carry themselves, energy, attitude, confidence, their lifestyle, their emotionally intelligence, emotional control, strong will, discipline, their charisma, social status, their brains, the way they make people feel around them... There is so many fascinating (and horrible) things about people that are overwhelming the looks. And we don't even need a lot of time to gauge the basic ones - few minutes of conversation/observing someone. And to test my hypotesis you need few minutes of finding examples from your life of happy couples 'unmatched' in looks or even times you were infatuated with different people. I was certainly in love with both conventionally georgeous and 'unattractive' individuals. For me approach in this video sounds like a perspective od someone who never goes out their home and see the world through internet lanse only.
The best-looking guys I dated long-term, during our prime: one looked like Enrique Iglesias and the other was a darker version of a combo of George Clooney and Matthew McConaughey (he was Spain).
@@elasticharmony Thanks! Well, the Enrique look-alike I met through friends in my twenties. I was dating someone else at the time but that didn't work out in the end. He was one of his friends. And we had this mutual attraction for each other. So I broke up with the jerk, and dated another jerk ("Enrique" wasn't a jerk at the beginning... he was later on). I can't give details on their lifestyles (some were drug addicts). The McConaughey/Clooney look-alike I met on the job. We were both personal trainers. He was a better person, character-wise, than "Enrique." And interestingly enough, "Enrique" was a school teacher!! A drug addicted school teacher. Let that sink in....
GUYS They tell me that IM attractive all my life, they give me 9/10, but I did not believe it !! and rated myself 7/10. BUT When I entered the university!!! OH MY GOD I was stunned that girls with 9/10 and 10/10 always talk to me and flirt with me. LIKE They wantED to date me.. NOW I believe that I am 9/10 as they say about me, because of this thing NOW I know how attractive IM .
I agree. Being a woman of average attractivness I can confirm that a kind of balance in the level of attractiveness makes the relationships happier and easier. Some women may choose to date less attractive men but this is generally due to economic reasons, but I doubt these relationships are very happy. The opposite case where a woman is less attractive than the man is even worst, and I talk by experience.
@@moonmaiden4197 I mean yeah, I'm obviously somewhere near average, but idk if someone who I'm interested in is too high above my league, or if I'm just underestimatimg myself lol
If you date, the ones who respond to you, are in your league. Those that aren't will reject you. Go to Miami south beach, you will find out your level quickly.
@@eatyourcereal6577most pretty women are really just slightly above average. Hair styling and makeup does wonders and raises our points at least by a couple. So I’d say aim for an 8 and you’ll land a true 6.
Tmw I dont even know my league but since I have to ask I guess not that high “Main reason you date within your league is likely because youre not selected by those who are more attractive than you” damn this video is brutal😂😂
Take the percentile approach. If you were in a room with 10 random people in your area, how many people would you expect to be better looking than you? If you’d guess 3 out of 10 would be better looking than you, you’re probably a 7. If you rarely see people who are better looking than you, then you’re probably a 9 If you think you look just as good as most other people… you’re probably a 5
@@sam.r8610 This approach requires sobered subjectivity. It’s not a foolproof “measure”. It’s a quick & effective way to gauge your own attractiveness relative to your environment. A NY 5 could be an Idaho 10. All of this depends on where you live.
@@sam.r8610 That’s a sweeping generalization. There are biases on both sides of the spectrum. Some have inflated self perception, others are deflated. But if they’re asking HOW to evaluate their relative attractiveness… chances are they’re capable of being reasonably objective. Otherwise… they wouldn’t even bother asking themselves (or others) such a question.
The proximity effect sucks once you're out of school, especially if you work from home or in a gender-heavy industry with the gender you are not attracted to/vice-versa. It's even WORSE when you're gay cuz the only gay-majority places you can go to is a gay bar where drinks cost an arm and a leg, and even those are becoming more straight.
Qoves I have a question for you. If pretty privilege is real, why are pretty people not trusted as much to be good? Why are the modelesque actors always the villain in movies?
Answer it why is that people assume good looking person will always have great personality unlike the unattractive one but in reality or in most cases it's just opposite?
In movies they are using the psychology of appearance to protait an image. Purely a technique of photography, has nothing to do eith reality of the normal occurrence.
In movies they are using the psychology of appearance to portrait an image. Purely a technique of photography, has nothing to do with reality of the normal occurrence.
