That is the dumbest idea ever. One of the foulest looking people I know were behaving like players and playing games with people's emotions and were sometimes even abusive, while people who you could swear up and down were "too hot to be humble/good partners" turned out to be real sweethearts. Don't fall into this trap, esp. You women. Date who you like both aesthetically and emotionally, you're not doing service to ANYONE in this scenario
This. More often than not in my personal experience, the disgusting looking people ended up being just as disgusting inside. The pretty people were genuinely good people. This is ofc in my own experience, but i get the psychological reason behind this phenomenon
i think that ppl that aren’t physically attractive that act that way feel entitled to a relationship because they don’t have pretty privilege which is horrible
@Taotl ??? Wtf is this reach lmao? Why are u picking a fight? That also with awful punctuation. I had to re-read ur comment so many times to understand what u exactly meant Anyways, to answer your doubt, the pretty people with awful attitudes are the ones I'd be attracted to and then immediately get turned off once they open their mouths. I've also met some pretty people who are just extremely superficial. I haven't met any that are "disgusting ", just superficial. But the ones who treated me like shit, and made my life miserable for years, were also physically ugly. This is just my own experience so im not drawing any conclusions here. What i took away from my lived experience was to not give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and be more cautious
Sometimes though, attraction just developes over time. You might not find the person attractive right in the beginning, but it starts to increase extremely, the more time you spend with that person and the more you get to know them. You suddenly start noticing details that appear attractive. Sure, looks do in most cases attract first but oftentimes you also meet people without the intention of dating randomly, which changes later.
For some, BUT it's not common. MOst people want the initial physical attraction. And you actually have to spend time with those people whom you don't find attractive. Maybe they work with you, or they are in the same class with you.
100% agree, when I was a freshman, there was a girl whom I ended up having a crush, and the interesting thing is I didn't really notice her much at first, but after I got to know her better when I saw her with her friends and when she helped with my homework (I was sitting right next to her) I ended up realising that she's and absolute sweetheart and then started seeing her as the most beautiful girl in the class, so yeah, sometimes looks can help but without a nice personality it's really is nothing, at least in my case
Well but starting to find somone attractive bc of their character n not caring so much abt their looks anymore is something diffrent than purposely dating somone just bc u know they r physically not in your league
I can’t imagine dating guys I don’t find attractive. It sounds miserable, I’d be happier alone. I actually have a male friend with self esteem issues who dates girls he isn’t attracted to. The girls are at least nice, but it’s a super weird thing to do that to yourself and to them. Just setting both up for failure
Dating down is not always conscious. In some cases, people genuinely don’t know how attractive or unattractive they are. Many of us are unable to be objective with our own appearance. Example: A person who struggles with body dysmorphia might think their less attractive partner is ‘at their level’. I’ve heard guys say ‘find a hot girl who thinks she’s ugly’. But at the end of the day, if both people are happy that’s all that matters.
I don't think your example is good. Those girls are just looking for validation or are straight up insecure. Also men find most women attractive. Women only find a few percentage of men attractive (10-20%). That means the lens men and women see themselves is different
Stop it , women are indoctrinated to look attractive , they know that their looks are important,they are aware of where they stand on the looks scale, they date down because their insecure ,
I think you can like someone's looks even if they don't align with societal beauty standards without thinking they're ugly or that you're dating down and also not fetishizing said features. Some people just find beauty where others don't. There's also the stigma of seeming like you're dating down when you consider your partner to be a 10 all around.
@@ws6778 i don't think going into a relationship with the mentality of settling for less is good for either party. Even if you think you aren't that great it's in your best interest to advocate for yourself in order to have a satisfactory relationship. And that also means not settling for someone who sees you as beneath them.
i agree. i’m gay and dated a man that was perceived uglier than me. so when we went out i would be showered in compliments and he wasn’t. you could tell he was mad and it was worse because we were both men so comparison was easier to make. he became resentful, made rude comments about my insecurities and eventually cheated on me. i’m never dating that type of men again
Yeah. It actually takes more self-esteem, not less, to date someone "objectively" not attractive. You must like them strong enough to mitigate the societal pressure for you to explain why you "date down".
This isn’t necessarily true, most girls in the west are accustomed to overinflated ego die to social media, hence why they all go for the same group of guys. There’s also a study of on college campus how women create hierarchies and cause the limited amount of educated men to have something called “golden peanus” syndrome. To put it short women largely don’t date across
@@eloeden2056 When I was in school, I had a friend that treated other people in a rude manner because, in her head, they were not worth her kindness because they saw her as unattractive. What I mean is that she was bitter to everyone out of resentment for being socially outcasted as undesirable by a bunch of people. Also, that is very hard for average people to stay together with other average people, because, very often, one or more of them think their value is either above or inferior in comparison to others, either way that can break relationships.
@@ws6778 when these people glow up, they tend to have a massive ego boost to the point they will consider and most likely will be dumping their partners who saw them beyond yheir looks to get their new better looking suitors
I married a super hot man who could be rob Lowe's twin back in the day..he NEVER acted full of himself or thought he had the upper hand in the relationship because of his good looks... I dated uglier men who were completely full of themselves and thought they were God's gift to women lol
An ugly man being confident = cocky, full of themselves A hot man being confident = confident, romantic, stunning a brave Whether we like it or not, we subconsciously give more leeway for better looking people, it’s no wonder you ended up with the better looking guy, teehee
@@AFIXFORNIX Would you rather marry for love or convenience? The problem with desiring certain traits in people is you end up loving the traits more than the person.
When I "dated down" with my ex in terms of appearance (in a pretty dramatic way), it was not a deliberate consideration. I was so charmed and fell for him really quickly. He is objectively unattractive, but I didn't see it at the time and I genuinely felt like the lucky one. I was extremely attracted to him and thought we were a good physical match. It wasn't until he cheated and his true character was shown that my view of him changed and I saw the attractiveness disparity that was so glaring obvious to everyone else. It wasn't until I lost my feelings and respect for him that I could see he was not only a manipulative and weak person, but he was also objectively unattractive. I think it's important to acknowledge how feelings/connection can totally distort one's evaluation of their partner's appearance.
@@rgonzalo511 uhm when you like someone they can seem more attractive than they are. also not everything is about looks, ppl can fall for someone’s personality
Women tend to believe that Ugly men won't cheat or will worship them. But I've seen plenty of Ugly guys cheat or beat on their pretty girlfriends. And some Handsome guys were honest and humble. Don't always believe the hype.
Bruh people saying he was not ugly ....did you watch the video?? Like bro there are MANY women that will date ugly men but in such cases it's more like competition between women and mystery (why is she dating him but there's something)
I assume these people who "date down" aren't necessarily doing this for good reasons. If you're dating down, it could mean that the person you're with can tolerate more of your bad behaviour since your partner feels they can't do any better because an attractive person is with them. They should feel grateful for even being with an attractive person. You can control your "ugly" partner more.
For me the idea of dating down has my brain thinking I can trust them more. I personally have commitment and trust issues, I especially don't trust overly attractive or really good looking people (romantic relationship wise) because of an attractive man who basically played me to keep it short. Less attractive/Average looking to me means a man/woman who is nice, caring, and trustworthy. If there ever came a time where they ignored me once they found out others find them attractive too my idea and way of seeing things would stay the same.
@@originalman3843 I wonder how many conventionally attractive women date down to do that, I often see many of them dating less desirable men, specially if they are from older generations, but I also have seen very conventionally attractive men manipulating literal harems of less desired women, by downplaying their self worth.
Not true. I dated men who were unattractive because I was insecure and thought it's mean to not give everybody a chance I was unable to just say no. I met a lot of women hating ugly men in my early 20ies and they only reinforced this believe that I have to be this nice girl who always says yes and if not I'm a bad human being. I'm glad that I learned my lesson and am now with an attractive, charismatic guy who really has a great personality.
I am so quilty of this dating down scenario with men and from my experience, if the man is insecure about his looks or yours ~ It’s not going to work in the long run. At first you’re a goddess and as time goes on, they realize how other men look at you and the seed of doubt just grows. Like the movie Inception. And instead of breaking up with you or looking in the mirror, they start to put you down and taking all their insecurities on you. And it’s not just me, I’ve seen and heard this alot.
That's why do not date someone based on their looks only. I honestly will find attractive people on the face attractive, but it will not be the based reason for me to date them. I always date someone who shared the same value and outlook of life as me, same goals and same background as me(same age range, family values, family level of stability, social economic background). Looks fade away, but who they are as a person will stay ob
@@wellknown1204 I tried to take that route as well however the guy ended up just being a player who was obsessed with his ex and trying to get back together with her while pretending he actually gave two cents about me lol. Now I date average men but I usually break it off quickly because my own trust issues swarm my mind and make me believe they're cheating, lying, or are playing me anyway. No winning till I get a therapist💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
@@wellknown1204 Really really well remembered when you commented that looks do not last forever, but individuals also change with time, sometimes they are not who you fell in love with anymore and that is okay to move on with your life. I usually avoid going for very conventionally attractive people, they very usually are attractive exactly because they spend a lot of their time in their appearances, doing make up or working out, time they do not have to spend with you in your interests.
Tbh, I’ve dated unattractive men and they were extremely insecure and controlling, I’m much more attractive than them so they always felt the need to put me down so they feel better about themselves. The better looking guys (the ones in my league) always treated me with respect and didn’t play mind games.
YES ! It’s like they like you because you’re attractive but then overtime they start to resent you because of your attractiveness makes them look/feel ugly.
I'm also a little below average I think but in my experience both good looking and ugly people didn't treat me so nice even though most of the rude uglies looked even worse than me rn
because those ugly men fear that they might lose you to someone who is better than them and that deep down inside they know they can't compete so they "hold you tight" to not lose you.
I saw this with a close friend of mine, he managed to pull a very attractive girl and I told him (a bit harsh but necessary) that he needed to lose some weight and get in shape if he wants this relationship to last longer than just the honeymoon period. They’ve been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, which I doubt would have been the case if he hadn’t of improved his physique.
@@og2484 Tbh keeping fit is also a matter of principle and self respect. If you are capable of keeping the unecessary weight off you should, otherwise it reflects on you as someone who doesn't value health or longevity. In some sense it can say your work ethic is poor or you are complacent with simply being good at one thing and use it as justification to be mediocre with your health and other things
@O G but was your “suggestion” really needed? I mean she fell in love with him REGARDLESS of him not being in shape. And not everybody gives much on look but rather falls in love with the character. Also there are people who find “big” people more attractive or have a fetish
There's an influencer I follow on RU-vid that lives in New York, she's looking towards dating guys stereotypically not as attractive. She stated, in NYC most gorgeous guys have no interest in settling down because they don't need to, they have so many options and they know it. Plus, really attractive guys don't try as hard because they feel like they don't need to and she's had enough of it. Plus, with how fast paced and career driven everyone in NYC is they don't have the time to create a healthy relationship. She said she prefers the homely looking guys from Texas that are thinking more about the future and will actually make an effort. Who knows if her theory is right, she's still in her mid 20s and is attractive (and very funny). Personally, as a gay man, I realised the gorgeous guys I spoke to raaarely had "looking for: relationship" in their description and were mostly looking for hookups, their chat was also very lacking. Whilst guys in my range or lower had waaay better chat, in my range it'd be a mix of relationship/hookup and lower was relationship.
Some people are demisexual only feel sexual attraction if they like their personality . It very rare but a document thing . It may sound cheese but sometimes love can be blind
I feel that her scenario isnt really about their looks tho. She is thinking about a specific personality that she wants to avoid that stereotypically happens in hot dudes, so i think thats actually very smart, she is going for the dudes that are most likely looking for the same thing as her. Its like avoiding 20 year old guys if you want to have a baby in the next 2 years lol.
If she doesn’t go for someone she’s physically attracted to, and she “settles” for him, 10 or 5 years down the line she’s gonna file for divorce like most women do and ruin this guy she “settle” for.
Personally I won't date a person I am not attracted to but I will also not date someone who has a large following on social media Or is known majorly for his looks because in my experience they have very inflated ego and are often not smart
My boyfriend and I both think we dated “up” lol. Sure, we both have our flaws but we balance each other out well. He’s way more social and I’m reserved. I’m more of the brains while he happily declares himself as the brawn. We found each other on Tinder so we definitely liked each other’s appearance. Everything else is a bonus :)
What can I say except: never underestimate a physically ugly looking human being's capacity for evil and malice. Not every good looking person is the deviI. The halo effect is real, but going to this other extreme is as bad.
@@fxfundedfxf8776 If you're a handsome straight man, yes it is difficult for you. Most straight women value things other than looks in their partner. In my comment I was speaking in general. Like day to day life and interactions.
i agree, but for many people like me, insecurity just eats you from the inside out. especially when you aren't that attractive compared to everyone else
@@desireandfire ofcourse i understand. whenever humans are involved, things tend to be very complex :') i hope your work productively on your insecurities and gradually feel more confident than right now :)) the above comment was me being more shocked that such a thing also exists and people intentionally go for such 'plans'
This is such a shit advice most women as a default find most males unattractive telling women to fuck whom they wanna fuck based on phyical traits is basically saying you want women to make more incels objectively. This retarded system would work perfectly if women and men were equally attracted to each other but there not in fact the prior find most men disgusting.
Now that you’ve hit this topic it’d also be really interesting to see you cover why a lot of people have experienced the cheating partners’ other woman/man may be less attractive/ downgrade
@@harsh3948 In consensually non-monogamous relationships, men will not leave their other partner(s), instead they will prioritize more the more conventionally desirable woman and "sideline" the other partner(s) to secondary or tertiary positions, specially if the partners are non-white, trans, overweight, disabled, neurodiverse or other men.
I find that when you date down in looks and the partner knows they are less attractive then you, they become VERY cocky, its like they think “wow i must be amazing for this hot girl to choose me, im gonna act like a jerk because i think she wont care since she is so much into me”. In te end its all about talking and catching those details that show if that person is insecure and will project that on you, so you can avoid them.
The meanness could be a reaction to the "I'm doing him a favor" attitude some of these women have in these relationships. Or if she doesnt think this and the feelings are genuine, if friends and family are pointing it out, it could cause insecurities that manifest into lashing out towards the girl. Obviously, no one should be an ass towards there partner in a relationship, but as someone who has experienced the opposite (guy who was perceived as less attractive than me treating me very well), I think there are many more factors that could cause the relationship to not work out.
Or they get tired of being bullied and asked "why is she dating him" which makes him cheat to "humble" her or her fans fans Jay Z. Honestly, most humans are hypocrites. People speak against bullying but will Bully celebrity couples who date does with looks not up to or whatever eg Chris Evans and his ex.
I think it's like controlling their partners if he doesn't have social media presence you can do whatever you want but they can't because if they leave you they can't get beautiful partener. So they control em and it's strategic plan to save yourself self from being cheated on.
@@misoukihanyu5341 Yes but not that alone. It's what amounts to someone having more options. Like you want someone of equal overall value in various fields of expertise and physical aspects to you otherwise the disparity may be enough to tempt and successfully have your partner cheat as they may find someone superior or easier than the other
For me my "plans" are to dip and leave under a month and not date attractive guys. This just has to do with personal issues I need to work out (obviously) but I wouldn't control or try to "take over" a man. I'd be to scared that he'll leave me and find someone else to even think about trying that.
I don’t think so. I do this, people always tell me that my partners aren’t very attractive. I do this because I feel like anyone remotely attractive is superior, and I feel super insecure and unworthy around them. Even though people tell me I’m pretty, I don’t believe so.
Personally I'm not sure I've ever witnessed this happening in a knowing and malicious way, but certainly in an unconscious way. Whether it's due to shallowness, or down to insecurity - there does seem to be this idea that being a bit "homely" looking means you're less of a douchebag because life has humbled you, but a lot of the time in my experience I've seen the opposite happen. Particularly with men, but then again I haven't dated any women (I'm bisexual but women don't seem to read me as such lol). If a guy has been passed over by girls a lot, or even just put down by other men to the point he won't even acknowledge women's interest in him as real, instead of being grateful and contented when someone pursues him he can sometimes go the absolute other way; they can get a huge ego where they start treating all the potential love interests in his life like shit, cheating etc. I had a guy I was interested in that did this exact thing - no one could understand why I liked him and that annoyed me, but when it became apparent to him that multiple people had a crush on him he basically turned into gollum lol every ounce of charm disappeared and he just became an absolute pig. I suspect the woman he ended up with is maybe the only example of this videos topic I can come up with.
THAT. idk why this happens, but its almost like the guy gets this idea that “wow, hot girl likes me??? = must like me so much that she wont care if i act like a douche” or maybe they trying to act like they think the “hot” guys act??? (being assholes lol)
@@annaguims yeah acting like hot fckboys isnt gonna work for the average guy since the hot dudes get away with alow of bad behaviour because of their looks kinda fcked up lol
i’ve definitely met couples where one person was much more attractive than the other and that are healthy, happy relationships, but i’d say the difference is that if you ask the more physically attractive people in those relationships what makes them attracted to their partner, rather than saying something like “oh i like ugly men,” they’re more likely to say something positive - ‘oh, they make me happy to be around, oh, they’re so smart and interesting, oh, they have *insert smaller physical feature that might not be noticed at first’ which i feel like is a way to differentiate between people “dating down” out of insecurity or because they genuinely like the person they’re with.
As a woman who both consciously and subconsciously has dated guys who would be considered as ugly, I can confirm that it mainly comes from a place of deep insecurity ranging from personality, intelligence, economic status and beauty. However, something that I also belive has influenced me is lots of media that has female characters portrayed in a bad light for trying to get the attractive or rich guy. It sets an idea that to be of pure intentions it's better if you notice the less stand out guy and try to know him and pick him instead of other.
There's also tons of normalization in the media of attractive women with less attractive men. And also the whole "give the guy a chance" culture. Alot of women feel like they shouldn't or can't date a very attractive man.
No, insecurity is just an excuse to hide their pride, sure it's insecurity to some extent but when you have nothing to be insecure about, it's creating drama from pride. Frist of all it's extreme pride and ego, that becomes inflated and it has diminishing return. This is why it's always good to check your ego.
The reason for this is because woman naturally wants to date up. If the media further pushed for this. We would end up with a society where the top 10% of men attract 80% of the woman and most of the average and below average men would struggle super hard to find a partner. If you look at the animal kingdom. Especially lions. Pretty much the lion king has the chance to mate of multiple lionesses...most male lions just die alone. Hence humans invented marriage between 1 man and 1 woman, to create a more stable society where we don't end up with a bunch of single dudes as the 10% men would attract majority of the woman.....humans also invented arranged marriages to force 1 man and 1 woman rather than 1 man and 10 woman etc....
They don’t want an ugly guy they want an insecure guy so he won’t act up and do a lot to keep the relationship going. That way you don’t have to care and put effort which is pretty smart but not a great long term plan
In regards to influencers saying they like ugly guys, I'm pretty sure its because they are trying to create an army of simps who think they have a chance with her and will gladly fork over money.
I feel like “dating down” in terms of looks could have less to do with overall attractiveness and more to do with prioritizing other important partner qualities like personality, intelligence, wealth and charisma. Really attractive men in my experience are either lacking in the other departments (cause they can rely on their attractiveness) or aren’t in a position to seriously date or settle down (cause they have the option not to). Women know this so they choose accordingly.
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I'm sure it is that. And then taking about "dating down" may be that they want to make other people understand that the looks aren't everything, as actually inside matters on the long term.
@@anarki777 I usually avoid going for very conventionally attractive people, they very usually are attractive exactly because they spend a lot of their time in their appearances, doing make up or working out, time they do not have to spend with you in your interests.
A friend of mine has been dating his boyfriend for many years now. He is mot only ugly but his personality is not good either. His other attributes do not compensate.
Being in a relationship where the guy views you as “out of his league” is soooo fucking draining. It’s not worth it. There’s too much overthinking and it took the fun out of everything in my experience. It tainted his personality which I initially fell for.
it is. i always had a feeling my boyfriend felt this way and confessed that every time i went out with my friends he was scared he was getting cheated on. he said the amount of attention i get from other people sometimes makes him uncomfortable which i understand but at the same time if you didnt find me attractive you wouldn't be dating me either. i told him multiple times to stop putting me on a pedestal and treat me like your girlfriend yes, but still like a human being. it was incredibly draining to keep explaining i do love him and i would never cheat on him. he's also overweight and despite wanting to lose weight does nothing to change that. its extremely tiring trying to build him up.
@@lolololololollol4793 If you try to help him for loose weight ie, and he do nothing and still insecure, then he deserve it. This is the role of man to have his shit done.
@@harsh3948 My boyfriend lets my bipolar @$$ treat him like crap even though I'm a little below average so why does he so that when he looks better? (He's not very masculine face wise and more of a pretty boy but women even talk to him on the streets and try to initiate convos and also get jealous of me and make fun of me for me having him)
To me, if I find the person physically attractive then they would basically move onto the next stage, which is personality. Ultimately, if I love their personality then I would date them. I wouldn't date someone whose personality I love, but am not physically attracted to. I think it's unfair to your partner if you're dating them and don't find them physically attractive because I think your sex life would be fundamentally poor in quality. You would probably not be willing to do as much kinky things or be as passionate and horny for them as you would ideally want to be with the person you love. I think if you love someone you want them to feel lusted after by you and fully embraced. If you're not physically attracted to them you may lack the drive to please them and receive less pleasure out of your sexual acts, and they might notice and feel self conscious and sad that you don't desire them physically. In my opinion, it's not wrong to refuse to date someone because you're not physically attracted to them, it's wrong to date them when you know you don't find them physically attractive because you're basically lying to yourself in some pointless attempt at being "romantically virtuous" when it is indeed the opposite and inconsiderate.
@@hattuli On the contrary, yours sounds like dumbed down man/woman child talk. First of all, not everyone wants kids, so that's not always the point of a relationship. Sometimes people just want someone to be emotionally close to and intimate with. Secondly, a good sex life is vital to a healthy relationship. If you're not lusting for each other then the sex would lose its passion and women especially need a generous lover. Otherwise, she may fantasize about a more intimate lover. I'm sorry, man, but if that's your mentality toward intimacy then you're probably not the most passionate or enjoyable lover. Oh, and third, not everyone has sex to procreate, believe it or not but many of us actually enjoy having sex and like to relish in it and the profound connection and closeness that is developed when you're mad for each other in both a physical and emotional capacity. It's not the medieval ages anymore. Once your partner sees you care for nothing more than getting your nut in, then they're more likely to be more disgusted by you than desire you.
Some people want different things, to me sex with an attractive person doesnt equal amazing sex, neither does an unattractive person equal bad sex. Most people I like, involve me liking their personality the most, and I'd gladly have sex with them..
Dating down can be because someone wants to look better looking than the other it's similar to wanting to be pictured next to someone bigger than you to look smaller etc vice versa, which is insecure
People will settle for a less attractive partner if they can dominate them. It's usually done by people with attachment issues and out of fear of abandonment.
If somebody wants to do you wrong, they will. It has nothing to do with their looks, their wealth, or how many people hit on them. None of that matters if they know how to act right. And if they don't know or rather choose not to, they won't act right. If Beyonce or Will Smith of all people can get cheated on, no one is safe. It's your partner's responsibility to themselves to be a decent person, no one else can do it for them.
Quoves.. i love you man, thanks for your effort behind all of this the beautiful narration, the well rehearsed information and every little thing you’ve worked on to make this videos
I think this goes in one direction, rarely do you see men with 'status' dating women society would deem to be ugly even if they're insecure. They'll usually go for women who are poorer but still pretty and use that for control. In a similar way, women can date men they deem to be uglier on the notion that they are lucky to be dating such a pretty woman (this can happen with or without money but usually there is still some exchange). I've seen average women date average but ugly guys, and they treat it as a form of relationship control. (usually they complain that the guy starts acting like he's the one doing her a favor and becomes too cocky). It's literally control and social mobility.
“They’ll usually go for women who are poorer but still pretty and use that for control” Why do ppls like you always gotta infantilize women and pretend they are not consenting to a relationship? Also it’s not that guys choose poorer women, but it’s because women practice hypergamy so they mostly date up, hence why you find this dynamic often, do you think Leo DiCaprio’s exs were victim too? Smh
Yes because the men that have status but are not hot gonna use what they have to control, so you get rich ugly guys going for pretty poor girls. Men tend to not settle for less in the looks department. Women on the other hand might be looking for some internal self feeling of success, so they will settle for less in looks if they get to reach that feeling. Basically, men = looks are more important then all, women = might settle for less if it kills their insecurity (not everyone is like this tho, if you have a balanced sense of self confidence then you get to be normal lmao)
By the same logic, pretty poor women who like rich lifestyles go for rich ugly guys to control them and leech their money. Because if they went for rich pretty guys, then they would have zero leverage and could get replaced at any moment. Grown up women are not 5 year olds. Jesus. They can make their own choices. These women you are talking about are willing to exchange their beauty for a significantly better lifestyle. And can you really blame them? Someone's looks can only go down with age. Someone's net worth can go either way.
I think there are several things mashed up here. 1. Women have in general higher diversity in taste. I guess most women have made the experience of looking at a guy, finding him unattractive but her girlfriends rating him as hot. One woman may find a given person super attractive, the other not so much. 2. Many ugly people can actually be very attractive because of how they move, speak, and their charisma. There is the "hot ugly" category that many women swoon over for a reason: the Micks Jaggers of the world. Going for ugly guys does not have to mean going for not attractive guys. 3. Looks are high on the list of desired features, but are not the highest one. The ability to make someone laugh, to make them feel secure, that are really fun to talk to, etc. may overdrive the looks. There is also a possibility of a spillover effect. You like some features, and you start to like the looks in result. I have fallen a few times for someone I found OK-ish physically, and only started to find them physically attractive once I developed feelings for them. 4. In hetero context: many good looking men are REALLY boring. Many of them peaked in high school and never moved pass this stage in life. Less attractive guys know that they must bring other things to the table to "compensate" for less attractive looks, so they are simply more interesting as people, they are often more emotionally mature, and are often more reflective of themselves and the world. They are also often better in bed, cause they focused on developing their skills. 5. Finally, many really attractive women have often bad experience with potential romantic or sexual partners. Many men see them as trophies or "prizes", and hot chicks to collect - rather than the person behind the pretty face. So, some of them bond with the less attractive men (or women) who actually see past the beauty, who see them for who they are, who make them laugh, and make them feel seen. The fear that you'd get dumped when you turn 25 (like DiCaprio's girlfriends) when you are no longer young and beautiful, is real.
No they don’t. The OkCupid study already debunked this false notion that women find different types of men attractive. There’s even videos mentioning what women universally like in men on this very channel. Women find only the top 20% of men as physically attractive. And less attractive guys don’t even get that many women in the first place and sometimes stay virgins in their late 20’s to mid 30’s so them being skilled in the bed is a moot point.
@@harsh3948 Well, "not all guys". Of course there are less attractive guys that do not match my description, and very handsome guys who are not boring. But the very fact that there are the mismatched couples suggest that there are exceptions - and are often enough that people notice. Of course I will likely not fall for a guy who is a 2 in my personal scale and boring on top of that. But I may choose a guy who is a 6, but have all the other desired features over a guy who is 9 but boring and immature.
I can't remember which dating app did this study, but they found that more conventionally attractive people were rated highly out of ten, but people who would either rate a 2 or 8 and higher got more dates. Those who looked more polarizing would have better luck in dating. They found that personal preference (aka your type) plays a huge part in it. Like someone who has a hooked nose will get rated a 2 and people who may find that feature really attractive would rate an 8 and higher. So sometimes to us it seems like an odd couple but the more attractive person in the couple might view them as equal because their partner is their type :)
People often do this too with the purpose to abuse their partner. I’ve seen, mostly men, date women who are overweight or otherwise not traditionally attractive, and then start to treat them worse over time and tell them they won’t/can’t do better than them. It’s really awful.
Those relationships are formed by need. Their corruption is not a surprising outcome, but an expected result... Also, do you speaking from your own experience?
@@JessieBanana So you don't... You have just seen a lot of victims and formed your own biased opinion. Also, it's not a counter to my argument. If you are in a bad relationship, every deviant tendency is going to skyrocket, because if both parties are frustrated, guess what will happen? Abuse is not the cause, but the result...
Like no offence but them thinking ugly people will never cheat or never behave narcissistic is just a delusion. People regardless of social hirechy in looks, popularity and opulence can cheat. And looks is irrespective in a good partner. Settling also never lasts.
That poaching part is so right on. A guy in church wanted to date but it attracted competition that he couldn’t defend. It made him hate himself. This is why there is no such safety in dating down.
Or you can just be secure in yourself and have a partner that doesn’t cheat, not hard, nor impossible. I love Qoves but not everything is black and white
I married down but hear me out! It was on bumble. And this guy captured my heart from first message so 🤷♀️ I love that he has values and knows the right thing to say (outside of a fight that is). He also married me in half a year of first message knowing what a catch he had. Marry a man who is more in love with you, chases you, than the other way around ♥️
This is an interesting topic but I'm wondering if there's a difference between men and women in this regard. For example, I've found that while yes, physical attractiveness is important to everyone in choosing a partner, men seem to be more rigid when it comes to overlooking physical attractiveness in a female partner. I've found that women are more able to (genuinely) overlook a man's lack of physical attractiveness if for example he's funny, kind, etc. and not just as some form of cognitive dissonance but because those characteristics tend to overshadow and perhaps even negate a man's physical shortcomings. This is obviously anecdotal but it would be interesting if there was empirical evidence to support this.
I've seen the same. I'm regular for my age and region, but a bit up in the scale just for not having any obvious "issues", except from being small (and short), but I think that's fine. I dated down a few years ago and I found absolutely funny how, after the break up the other party wanted me to "date up" afterwards (ie: he literally told me that I was suposed to only get guys that were better than him. They should know more languages and be taller and have X, y and z attributes). I didn't even wanted to date anyone anymore. I don't know what happened with him, but I've never seen man date down.
I agree and I see this all the time. Even in cartoons. Have you noticed that fat husbands in cartoons have thin, attractive wives? But we rarely ever see the other way around. That's just one example that I see of what you're stating in popular culture.
@@schmaelepaulection1431 Because they’re cartoons? Comedies always have the trope of the buffoon ending up with a good looking woman because it’s a male fantasy. It is not even close to replicable in real life unless she’s 40+ and still thin while the husband puts on weight and loses hair (aka both start at the same level of attraction but the husband becomes uglier as time passes because men don’t care for their looks as much as women do)
What about the notion of trophy mindset. The less attractive partner may be seeking a trophy and may not question the intentions of the more attractive person willing to be in a relationship with them. Also there are very few people who know their true value. Most people either underestimate or over estimate themselves. How does that behavior fit into this argument.
Eh it depends, I know bunch of hot dudes who are amazing loyal bfs and I know bunch of ugly guys who are awful bfs. The hottest guy in my school (tall, buff, dark hair, beautiful face) was saving himself for marriage bc he was a devouted muslim.
I get called a player a lot because im very attractive to teenage women (not so much older ones, prettyboy appearance) and they expect me to be a player only because of it when that isnt true at all. While attractiveness is very obvious and visible to everyone, your character isnt determined by it
I've dated and slept with some of the hottest freaking guys and I've also slept with a few I regret. The ones who were not my type were very rude, nasty and cruel. Dating an ugly guy because you think he won't cheat on you is ridiculous lmao
don't you think that you have a bias? Like if a hot guy was cruel, you would say it was wild sex... but if a ugly guy did it you would say he's shit. also I found that having sex with someone very attractive not necessarily means good sex and it can be regardless of their appearance
Qoves, can you please make a video about how to enhance features in the most scientifically appealing way with makeup? Such as lip colours, eyebrow styles, etc.?
Could you analyze Elvis Presley and/or Marylin Monroe’s physical appearance and allure? I always wondered what made them more appealing than other celebrities of that time. It would also be a great segment to analyze stars from the 50s.
Eh, some of it come down to preferences. My boyfriend and I both think we're dating up but for different reasons. If the main factor driving ur relationship is ur looks, it won't last.
Just pursue who you are genuinely attracted to. simple. Make sure you know yourself also and why you're choosing a person, so it's from a healthy place. if not reflect and heal your stuff if possible and then try again.
Some years back, there was this guy who kept texting that he wants to date me and wants to treat me like a princess. Very cheesy lines. I wasn't agreeing and one day, he started telling me that he had always dated extremely beautiful girls but now, he has started looking for girls who aren't beautiful. Essentially, indicating that my appearance is bad. 😂 I was shocked and cursed him. He was no looker, average at best, was trying to date me, and then himself tells me that I don't look good. Why would I want to date someone who finds me "not so beautiful"! Such experiences makes me happy I'm not dating anymore. Maybe, if I find an outlier some day. Or maybe never.
@@seekchristwithin4464 this comment does not reflect Jesus Christ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 1 john 6 We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit [1] of truth and the spirit of falsehood. 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
This is a really Interesting topic. I think another one is when you start dating someone you think is gorgeous and their appearance gets worse over time. I ask myself why people do this. It doesn’t even have to be the typical weight gain scenario, in my case my good looking boyfriend has grown out some hideous facial and unevenly long and broken head hair, it really makes me like 😩 because he is a good looking guy, just has refused to cut his hair since the pandemic. When I suggest it he gets the most minor trims. I don’t know! It’s not something that’ll make me stop loving him, but it’s definitely making me think he’s less hot and in a way… that makes me sad.
I think for long term relationships in general you have to be prepared and learn to be okay with your partner changing in ways you may not like as long as it is not a deal breaker. I've seen this mostly the other way around with guys who stop liking their gf when she cuts her hair short or stops shaving her legs or wearing make-up less often. It's also unfair for a partner to feel like they can't change or try something they want because the other will react negatively.
@ sab You hav to be excruciatingly honest with him. Tell him you’re losing attraction and don’t sugar coat it. If he changes then you’re meant to be. If he doesn’t, be prepared to move on. You both have to be happy together for it to be sustainable.
@@sz4156 while i do agree in some degree with you, i find that a lot relationships lose that “magic” when people get too comfortable (“oh he already knows what i look like without makeup, im not gonna do it”/“ she already knows how my hair looks like when i grow it, im not gonna trim it”). A relationship takes energy and active care for it to keep flourishing. I find that the ones that last the longest (and have the better quality) are the ones where you keep doing some of the little things that you did in the beginning (“wow she knows i know how she looks without makeup but she is still putting it on for our date, she appreciates our time together”/ “wow he trimmed his hair for our date, how cool”) you gotta show you care.
Hmmm, I'd argue that the equity theory fails to take subjective beliefs/self-esteem into account. The tiktok person talked about insecurity, about how the more attractive partner might /feel/ like they don't have much to offer other than their looks, and therefore date down. Whereas the equity theory seems to assume that people consciously or subconsciously know how objectively attractive/smart/etc they are, and adjust their dating life accordingly. Now we're much more aware of how insecurity, anxiety, and social media can distort people's self-image, so I'd say the equity theory needs some updating or further studies
I was like that. I thought it's mean if I don't give everybody a chance even if he isn't my type. I always said personality is more important. But I also was way too insecure and shy towards men who would be my type. All the guys also the "ugly" ones treated me like trash, they just noticed my weak and insecure personality. I overcame that and have a boyfriend now who is attractive and has a great personality. Edit: after watching this I came to the conclusion that the attractive one is either insecure (thinks they deserve an unattractive partner or end up alone) and the unattractive one is narcissistic (thinks they deserve a more attractive partner) OR The attractive one is narcissistic (chooses a less attractive partner to have better control over them) the unattractive one is insecure to be with a shithead. Got it. Just my opinion: all our behaviors are results of our childhood, so who we choose to be our partner is also heavily influenced by our childhood and the way our parents raised us. I became a "yes"-woman because of that, that's why I dated narcissistic ugly men. I had to do a lot of self-reflecting, book reading and confidence boosting things to overcome that.
as a man that have been quite mistreated by pretty girls i can tell you as much as phisycal attraction can matter, it can also make you dislike people that look like the people that mistreated you in the past
My take on this topic is that sometimes, with proper approach, looks might not be the most important thing in a relationship, that doesnt change the fact that girls would go for average looking dude cuz - just like men do- they think that them hots are already taken, so it is relatively tough to tell actually.
I would say that, because Im lazy and havent read all the comments, but I want this to be said. The author of this video said it right: when people meet other people, they look on their beauty first, then they see their other features and etc. But lets talk about love and sexual attraction part. I feel, that there are a lot of people, who feel it differently. For example, some can feel sexual attraction towards beautiful people, some cant (speaking of me, I feel aesthetical enjoy with beauty of different people, but I rarely get sexual intention within it), but some do to people who are uglier, then their "perfect" image on different magazines covers. Some can feel sexual attraction towards concrete body parts, or body itself, some can feel sexual attraction towards mind, money and perspectives. I feel, as people's love interest is influenced with not only looks, but with rational analysis of possible perspectives of their mutual future, it can also be smell, that turns them on, or feelings, that they get while being with this exact person. In every human perspective each thing is in bigger priority, then the other one. For example, I will tell you about my experience. I like people, who can teach me something, that I dont know. I like people's brains (heh, sounds, as me being zombie, but still its not the main subject). I've got a situation, when I knew a man, he wasn't my kind of type, he could be even worse of that: not getting proper shower, having some wrinkles, acne, etc. But if I saw, that he was genius and his knowledge really impressed me.... Damn, my hormones would be unstoppable. I would start seeing him, as the most handsome in the world, I would see only the best things in him. Even, if I had thought before, that he was kinda ugly for me. And I've got in this situation a few times. And my feelings were much harder, then sexual tension towards just some handsome guy, because for me feeling safe and comfortable is more important, then to sleep with pretty boy. It wasn't once, when I felt interest for a guy, but when he would open his mouth, I lost it and was bored disappointed and cold for the rest of the time.
This is old as time, 5 dates 5, 9 dates 9. There are some exceptions of course. Couple can be unequal and also have a very good relationship, but people in the comments forget that the video is about MOST people, don't take it personally! Most people are attracted specifically to partners with around the same level of attractiveness.
nope. Most people are attracted to 9s rather than 5s even when they are 3s themselves. If what you’re saying was true, dating would’ve been so much simpler. Everybody would know who they can attract and would happily stay in their league. No drama. But we all know that doesn’t happen.
Hello Qoves, I love your videos but can you do an episode where you put black background and white text ? I really want to look at the video but I have eyes problem and can't look at the bright white for too long. Thank you. Also it might be a good switch of theme for the new year
Re. the idea of choosing someone less likely to cheat. I had a girl tell me once that she knew I wouldn't cheat on her and that was a bad thing because there was no danger.
I swear, I'm always suspicious of attractive people who show any interest in me (this basically never happens though) because I'm sure they're just trying to date down. I hate the rating system so much but I bet I'm a 2
Because models aren't supposed to be attractive. Unique yes, but not attractive. They're job is to be a blank canvas to display the clothes on and blank (unattractive) enough to distract people from their faces and make them focus on the clothes. Or any other product they showcase.
@@user-bx8sj6qm3w Then why’s that most(98%) of them(models) have features that are considered attractive e.g. sharp jawline and cheekbones (+ their height which is attractive)?
I'll probably get a lot of "that isn't even scientific", but some answers can be found through psychoanalytic literature. Good content btw, I'm in hopes you mix more areas of knowledge in the future (since some authors appear to be in favor of evolutionary psychology. Btw I'm not saying its wrong, but, in my humble opinion, I think your analisis would be more rich if you could gather some other theorical points of view). Sorry for my grammar, i'm at the bus and wanted to take this out of my chest asap.
Please do one on some (keyword some) finding taken men or the one in relationship to be more diserable. For the longest I want to understand the psychology behind the mentality of a mistress
I like charm and good manners, guys with a passion. Very commonly attractive guys in their twenties are often time players and Air heads. My exes were attractive enough for me (not my Friends)! But It didn't stop me from being dumped once.
I sometimes got asked out by old ugly men. The worst I’ve met was 50 something wanted to ask for my number. He got nothing to offer tbh - fat and got beer belly and really sagging face, had no fashion sense, worked minimum wage job, socially awkward, and worst of all he got a wife! He just bluntly said to my face and other witnesses that his wife wouldn’t wind if he got a girlfriend. 😂😂😂 dude how delusional can you be. Some people just don’t deserve nice things. They aren’t loyal.
I have a teenage niece that is pretty enough to be a model, in fact she has had modeling scouts try to recruit her. She's dating an extremely insecure guy who is easily sub 5 in looks as well as overweight. The only reason she is with him is because he's her first boyfriend. She has not yet really discovered her value and thinks this guy is the best she can do. She also lives in a small town in a where there aren't a lot of options. I think I've heard this called the "just be first" theory. Sometimes an ugly guy gets an attractive gf or wife if he was the first to pair bond with her before she understood her value.
And why does that bother you? If she's happy and he is happy, where is the problem? Also, modelling scouts trying to recruit doesn't mean anything, they try to convince as many people as possible because the scouts will get a comission. Even I was approached by them multiple times over the years, but I didn't let that inflate my head because I know it's just about business 😂
Sometimes you know that a partner who isn't conventionally attractive is the right one for you if they treat you right, love you for yourself, etc. Yes it's nice to look at a couple that physically matches but if your partner is more (or less) attractive then at least make sure they're a good person.
I think its more about scarcity than insecurity, at least for women. Try and name 5 women that you know in real life who are truly objectively attractive. Then try and name 5 guys from your real life who are objectively attractive (looks alone - not counting personality!) I can think of women much more easily than men. Its not that an attractive girl wouldnt date a guy who is in her league, she is just less likely to meet one - let alone meet one who has the personality type and values she desires. As a woman, you feel lucky to meet a guy with the values and personality you desire who isn’t half bad looking. You’re happy just to meet someone who you think is decent looking and you get along well with, even if they may not be exactly as attractive as you physically. Dating is taking the best that you can find, and for women, the best they can find is often someone a couple ranks below them physically. Guys have more options and can be more picky. They don’t usually have to choose looks vs personality because they have so many choices.
also, the girls who say their type is “ugly men” are usually sort of kidding and typically mean they like guys who arent conventionally attractive. certainly, some girls do date down because they are insecure/want control, but a lot of girls i know who like “ugly guys” mean guys who are “ugly-hot” like pete davidson
Keep in mind that women rate a 7/10 man as 5/10. Also, women have MUCH more options than men. Women have dozens of guys simping for them, while men are lucky to talk to a girl. Just because a 9/10 man doesn't want to date you doesn't mean you don't have options.
@@JohnYoungcook72 attractive men have simps too. but having lots of people who are attracted to you is not the same as having lots of options of people you are attracted to. Unless you live in a big city maybe, there are more attractive female partners in the dating pool than there are attractive males.
@@JohnYoungcook72 the hotter a person is, the harder it is for them to find a partner who is of the same level of attractiveness to them. think of how rare it is to see a 10/10 person. then imagine how hard it would be for that 10/10 person to find another person who is both equally attractive to them AND has a personality that they enjoy. And in general, there are more attractive women than attractive men out there in the average town.
I LIVED THIS! My ex was a 10/10 and I rank myself a 6 at best. The amount of times people tried to poach her was astounding. At first it was unbearable but I soon realised “I’m with her and they’re alone so f them”. I thought she just liked me because I was funny, but now I see that maybe she was using me to fill some void within herself.
Dont let this video make you think your ex was just using you to fill something within herself. You may be more attractive than you realized or maybe you were exactly her type or youre just great to be around. I like this channel but this video isn't representative across all people, at all
While looks are important they are not enough for a relationship to last, if you had a “normal” dating story (being attracted to each other post “honeymoon” period) it wasnt your looks that made her like you but your personality. And since you had that fuck them mentality it shows you were not even insecure, so she would not be attracted to you because of that. B more confident
Can you make a video about beauty standards in the gay community? I would like to see if there's any studies done and what changes when compared to straight people attractiveness
I think it's the same as straight standards + internalized homophobia making them lean more towards hyper masculinity being the most desirable. Though i do feel like that's also because of the male gaze being applied towards your own gender making the standards more sexually driven and nitpicky in a way that straight women's aren't
@@sz4156 yeah gay mens standards are similiar to womens. However, ive noticed gay men care a lot less about a mans height or actually prefer average/short/tallish height to super tall.
only tangentially related to the video, but you have me thinking about the opposite now -- meaning, cases where someone is not initially attracted to someone, but then becomes attracted to them after getting to know them better (presumably because of the other factors that make a good mate "making up for" their initial lack of attraction?). I personally can admit that I'm an incredibly picky person, probably way pickier than I have a right to be. I don't tend to find many people particularly attractive. However, I've had experiences where I saw someone who initially was not particularly attractive to me at all, but after getting to know them and finding their personality or intelligence attractive, I actually find them more physically attractive, too. As in, I never noticed their appearance before, or have specifically noted that I didn't find them particularly attractive, but then later on I find their appearance very attractive. I'm wondering if this is something common in other people? I know it must be to an extent, but I'm not sure to what extent, and I would love to see a deeper exploration of it in a video if qoves thinks there's enough substance to the subject. Or if you've already posted a video on this topic and I haven't seen it yet, then I'd appreciate if someone could let me know; I've been working through this channel's videos and I enjoy them a lot, but I haven't caught up on everything yet. Anyway, keep up the good work! I'm sorry my comment is so long, but I really appreciate your honest and straightforward analyses of these topics.
I dated down with my ex..i fell for her personality but she was always afraid that i was going to cheat and telling me that i was to cool for her and in the end she cheated on me.
9:31 I seen this play out among my male friends all the time.. one of them gets with someone and then suddenly they all have a relatively average/below girl around, on the flip side when I started dating one of them all his friends tried it with me. Insane.
I’ve been attracted to girls that I thought were”out of my league” or at least on the same level as me but I’ve sometimes been told that I could do better
Can you do a video on how dental care could change someone's face? I'm in my 20s but I'm thinking of getting Invisalign to fix some of my crooked teeth but I'm not sure how much it will affect my face
Maybe some people either just don't prioritize looks and/or have a preference that's markedly different than average. Man or woman, there's no reason to judge for that.
1) Hot guys are rarer than hot girls. So they’re usually very arrogant. 2) Hot guys mean a lot of competition (usually for a guy that’s irritating and/or boring) 3) An “ugly” guy will probably treat a hot girl better than a hot guy because he’s not likely to find another
@@Zikomo7 yeah, women used to date ugly guys more often in the past before dating apps and social media. Also, a woman may date an unattractive guy if she does not understand her full SMV (which is rare) or if she is a single mother of a bunch of kids. There's nuance there.
@@Zikomo7 in the situation where they grew up together, she dated him because she didn't know her potential SMV. That's why we teach guys the importance of being a girl's first BF. As for dating a guy because he's fun to be around, that doesn't exist. She dates him because he's fun AND good looking.
Now im terrified my girlfriend only loves me cause she was cheated on in the past and thinks (due to my looks) I would never…. Welp time to get a 6 figure job and go to the gym lol
