Why You Don't Need To Be Compatible To Marry | Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke 

I love the way Alyssa looks at Jeff, she looks madly in love with him, I could only imagine that how Jesus looks at us, so focus, and so in love with us

Jefferson, you're doing much better with letting her talk and not interrupting her, good job. It shows.

Off topic but jealous of how beautiful Alyssa always looks with no makeup! 😩😍

Alyssa's smile just makes me want to be happy and smile big. Love your Joy, Alyssa!

I love that balance of - you can make it work with anyone, but be wise about who you marry.

During a sermon about marriage, my pastor said that Love is not an emotion but rather an action. In marriage you are constantly choosing to continue to love the person no matter how hard it may get. Emotions and feelings come and go, but when you decide to continue the action of loving another person you can and will be with them forever while they do the same.

A lot of Christian youtubers that I watch have been uploading videos talking about certain things that I happen to be struggling with as a believer, like the topic of this video. God is trying to tell me something, I know it.

I loved the part at the end about how our differences, although like sandpaper rubbing against each other sometimes, can actually help sanctify us, make us holy, and make us more like Jesus. It's all in your perspective of how you view differences and work around them. Thank you for that nugget!

PREACH. IT. Yes you guys!! This is so true, I love how well you talked about this topic, explained it, and illustrated it! So encouraging, and that was great what you said about how God can use a couple's opposite personality traits to help shape one another into becoming more like Him, I can 100% relate to that! :)

When people ask me why I'm a virgin and I tell them I'm waiting for marriage they're always like " Your gonna die a virgin " and I'm like I'd rather die a virgin than taking away another mans wife's experience of saying they both waited until marriage ...

I love this. My husband and I, just because of how different we are and how different our likes are--it was hard to explain what we had in common to people or what was keeping us together. It's about more than just liking the same things or always getting along. We are growing together and learning to appreciate each other more within and despite our vast differences because we are united in our commitment to each other and our kingdom goals :)

Knowing Gods Will is the most important. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you" Put God first, and he will bring the right one for you.

Could you please do a video on college, going to college, tips, relationships, dating, etc! This would be so helpfully!!! Thank you! Love your videos :)

"I think we completely over-empathize compatibility and under-empathize commitment." - Jefferson Bethke

Wow when she says your personality differences are like sandpaper making us smoother and better. You hit the nail on the head! Thanks for making this video.

This was incredibly helpful. There is a guy who likes me. I used to like him but it started to were off when I realized we might not be very compatible. Also I've been looking at things all wrong and forgetting my purpose of marriage. I've been selfish and wanted someone who would complete and complement me all the time. When in reality I need to find someone who will seek Jesus with me side by side.

Love this quote from Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage when he talks about compatibility as marrying someone who is your best friend or capable of becoming your best friend- "This principle - that your spouse should be capable of becoming your best friend - is a game changer when you address the question of compatibility in a prospective spouse. If you think of marriage largely in terms of erotic love, then compatibility means sexual chemistry and appeal. If you think of marriage largely as a way to move into the kind of social status in life you desire, then compatibility means being part of the desired social class, and perhaps common tastes and aspirations for lifestyle. The problem with these factors is that they are not durable. Physical attractivess will wane, no matter how hard you work to delay its departure. And socio-economic status unfortunately can change almost overnight. When people think they have found compatibility based on these things, they often make the painful discovery that they have built their relationship on unstable ground. A woman "lets herself go" or a man loses his job, and the compatibility foundation falls apart."

This was great, you two - thanks for sharing it! I would add that in addition to making sure that you're heading in the same direction, faith-wise, it might be wise to make sure that your rates of speed and/or rates of acceleration are similar. I was in a relationship with someone who told me that her relationship with God was the number one thing in her life, which sounded great to me. However, as we got further into the relationship, it became apparent that she really wasn't comfortable with some of the conferences I was attending in an effort to grow spiritually, and her interest in worship was significantly lower than mine was. So although we both loved God and considered Him to be the most important thing in our lives, these differences put more and more strain on our relationship. That wasn't the only issue in the relationship, of course, but it was a significant one, and we wound up parting ways. So I would encourage people reading this to consider your compatibility in spiritual hunger levels, too.

I think the "compatibility" that matters is really just your deal breakers- your CORE values. Your mate should match up with those most important foundational values. So things like religion and other stuff that fundamentally shapes who your are.

Love how they look at each other, so precious ❤

What stood out to me the most about this video was how you spoke about personalities. Because we all go through stuff we are inevitably going to have imperfections and traits that aren't that great. When we meet someone who knows how to be patient, gentle, and kind it teaches you to be the same...that whole iron sharpening iron. I think that is what marriage is at the end of it all, like you said - it's staying faithful through the rough patches. I loved this and thank you for making this video. You guys are great ;)

Thank you for a great video ! I don't normally comment but thought I would today . I have recently been thinking a lot about how people are different and how those differences in relationship can be a detriment in relationships. But God has really been challenging my thinking to start celebrating difference and what you bring to the table adding value to someone else's life .Your video today just confirmed this ! Thank you for sharing!

Solid stuff, guys. It's about the covenant! 🙌🏼

Perfect timing, thank you both 💕

Such great points made Alyssa and Jeff; truly have not thought about marriage in this light. Thank you both for sharing this!

I loved the reference rubbing up on each other. It speaks so much truth. I'm always glad watching your videos because I always learn so much.

I love you two so much! So grateful for how God uses you both to make the impact the He does through you. This video was different and helpful, and I'm sure it's allowing many to reevaluate the way that they look at someone they consider dating or a future with. A new and fresh perspective for relationships! Thank you! God bless y'all!

The topic of friendship really intrigues me. What do you look for in a friend, and especially how do be one yourself?

I really enjoyed this, it's such an eye opener. Thank you for this!

I loved this! It really helped me to chill out and not be psyched out about who is the "best" for me! I definitely can complicate it. But remembering that the commitment part is obviously what is the MOST important!

1:18 "Leaving a relationship due to a loss of the feeling of love is like leaving your car because it ran out of gas." -Jefferson Bethke

you guys rock!! young ppl need to hear these things so much!

Great wisdom about the areas we need to be compatible in Jeff & Alyssa! Essentially following wisdom and not feelings

Great video! I was thinking about compatibility this morning, what a timing! Thanks for reminding that personality things aren't more important than believes. Keep it up, guys! See you soon😁

Thank you for this video Jeff. It's such an eye opener and puts a lot of things into perspective.

Always so encouraged by these !

Wow. I appreciate y’all’s videos so so much! Thank you for sharing.

YEEESS YES YES YES. You guys nailed this so well, thank you both for speaking on it, it was definitely something I needed to hear today. God bless

love your videos spoken words are my favorite I use them all the time

Loved this! I'm definitely one of those personality people haha so this subject is something I think about a lot. This video set things straight for me thanks. Y'all are such amazing people and an amazing couple.

"Oh, we're not compatible" God says, "I KNOW, and I wanna use that for you!" Awesome! :)

This helped me soooo soooo much! I know everything about the 16 personality types and was a little fixated on The idea that I should find a good match according the Myers Briggs 16 but faith compatibility is SO much more important. Thank you for your wise words.

Your channel is a real blessing! Praise be to God.

I was just pondering this idea myself yesterday. I arrived at the same idea, that compatibility is not the end all be all; commitment is. Loved the video, well fonr

Awesome video guys and the analogy about sand paper was really clever. You guys are an inspiration to the young generation including myself 😊

i told a friend I was interested in this same exact thing (being I was trying to be intentional towards a relationship) and we are still friends lol but seriously it's really about willing to commit but I also did notice things in her about belief, worldviews, convictions that sometimes conflicted with mines. We talked but we're still friends. Great video Jeff and Alyssa!

LOVE THIS thank you guys for continuing to share your wisdom

I absolutely love you too! You guys were some of the first people I started watching once I got out of a really bad relationship that I knew was not in God's will for my life. I love that you guys emphasized spiritual compatibility because though my ex is a believer he believed very different things than what I believe and was extremely traditional to the point that it blocked relationship with Christ. You guys encourage me so much and I pray for you guys always! ❤

You guys are wonderful! Your marriage honestly from an out wider view just looks so genuine and truly god's best! It's encouraging to see bc I am currently trying to trust god for my own self in that area and jus being okay with being alone right now! Not being in a relationship! But you two are are very inspiring and give me HOPE! Thank You! I love all of your videos!

My world view changes often the more I learn what if you marry someone equally yoked but then as you grow at separate rates or directions you no longer believe the same core things? This is one thing the keeps me from marrying. I know I am not the same as I was a year ago and that if someone had grabbed my arm to walk life with me they would be headed a different direction in a years time.

Yes! My thoughts exactly, I completely agree with this. I wish more people thought like this.

Thank you Jeff & Alyssa for those insights.

I watch all of your videos.. thank for blessing my life

so great guys! thanks! truly helpful

wow this is a nice way of putting that faith belief and values are more important than just personality. powerful stuff, thank you.

Really super awesome video guys!

Thank you! This was very helpful and encouraging

I like how you included compatability of worldviews and pathways of life. Thanks for making this video. God bless!

This video was Awesome! Spot on! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Thank you!

aww that last point about how the little issues are there to make us more holy is so good! Thanks guys

So good! Can you guys do a video on physical attraction & its importance in dating/marriage?

You guys are great 👍 thanks for all the videos

Great points and definitely agree. I love the talk about personality types 🤣 I am an INFJ which basically means I’m driven and committed to whatever I choose to be committed to.

Thanks soooo much for making a video for your single viewers!!

Great information 👍🏻

LOVE IT GUYS! great advice yet again. bless ya :) :)

Great Statement for reflection on this topic. Thanks!

Love it! My fiancé and I have recently taken personality tests and we were asked if we would call off the wedding if we weren't compatible and I found that to be a very interesting question. Thanks for sharing on this.

Thank you so much for this video! Sometimes I get so caught up on the personality differences between my husband and I but I know that God is sovereign and I LOVE that you mentioned that God uses that do make us more like him. (The analogy of sandpaper). Thank you!

re; 1:50 - THANK YOU FOR saying that. because I am one of those rare people who DO fall in that category of "we waited to have sex until AFTER marriage, to find out we're 'sexually incompatible' " it's only been a year and a half but so far were still fumbling and just overall having an awkward sex life. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR this video I needed to hear this I've learned so much and it blesses me and ministers to me, your marriage encourages me to continue to trust in the Lord with my own marriage. keep up the videos! may God continue to bless your beautiful family 💕

Exactly. Thank you guys.

I'm so happy with this, I liked Jefferson before Alyssa, now it's amazing! It's like everything I'm going through had a video! I get so upset and can't vocalize what I'm feeling so I send him these videos lol! You guys rock TY so much! Alyssa you are a doll!

We got married September 16th. 1966 and being compatible was paramount to us, when one knows the word means, able to exist together without conflict.. Even the Christian texts speak of being equally yoked so as a team you are pulling the marriage in the same direction and not going in different directions. Which is why being on the same page when it comes to if and how many children one wants,handling finances, attaining life goals, what religion the child(ren) will be raised in if it's a inter faith marriage, willingness to move for a job, and even how important sex is to both partners are key to success. And...asking hard questions like, what if my spouse gains weight, gets a serious illness, cannot have children, develops an addiction, gets into debt? Because marriage is a commitment, not something you bail on when times get tough. Makes me sad that many couples put more thought and money into the wedding day, which is ONE day, then they do ALL the days after. Oh...and husbands are NOT a project!! This is where the traditional vows many Christians have said for centuries stress for richer and for POORER, in SICKNESS and in health, for better and for WORSE, forsaking ALL others until death we do depart need to be reflected on.

Thanks to you both. Your videos are helping me in my situation right now I'm in. Im struggling to know if she's the one and keep asking myself questions how I could solve it the 'holy' way. Keep going on 👍

I would first like to say God really blessed you two when y'all first met each other. Such a beautiful couple you two make that it warms my heart so much! To Alyssa: I really love the metaphor you used with the sandpaper to describe being in a relationship with someone who has a VERY different personality and set of interests from you actually helps the people in the relationship to have a closer and stronger bond with God. For so long, I thought for a marriage to work the two people had to basically be like twins and share the same interests. This has really opened my eyes on how a marriage or any other relationship should REALLY work. No matter how vastly different you are from the other person, it is with those differences that you can find a way to make it work. God bless you two and prayers on a very joyful marriage!!! Much love and thank you for sharing your valuable wisdom with us all.

Great advice!

Love you guys 💕 #bringpodcastsback

@WhiteWolf Yin I'm struggling with this exact thing as well. definitely need to watch this a couple times and think on what I'm struggling with personally. good luck to you! and great video :)

Completely agree, my wife and I were literally just talking about how our commitment has been what carries a marriage through the other day.

Love love love this video guys! Been something I've been dealing with, so let's see what the guy thinks about this 😁 grace and peace to the Bethkes'

Love your videos! :)

love your vlogs they are thoughtful and from your experience.amen

Thank you for this video !!!!

Awesome! This is one of my favorites.

I also prayed when I thought I was ready for marriage but the Lord has always been in control. Somewhere in the other side of the state he was praying for me 😌 so the Lord knows who will be your partner its always best to wait on them and Pray .

I use the "have to test drive the car before you buy" excuse to see if she could cook though! Oh sweet Jesus my wife can cook so well! LOL

A wise person once told me that you should marry someone with similar values, not necessarily similar interests. Glad to hear you echo that concept!

This video made me really miss your podcasts!

Spot-on advice about commitment (and I agree that you could succeed in marrying mostly anyone else). Thanx both of you! ...although I think common/identical "interests" gets over-hyped as well as personality. RP 65yrs old (UK)

hey I am an INFP! and supposedly INFP's are compatible with ENFJ's mostly. lol. just some insight. I love what Alyssa said. "As a wife you never wanna hold back your husband from what God is calling him to, and as a husband you never wanna shut down what God is doing in your life." Love your guyses videos. God Bless!

Really liked what Alyssa said about your personalities rubbing up against each other making you more like Jesus! It reminded me so much of proverbs 27:17, "as iron sharpens iron, one person sharpens another" 💖 lotta love for you both from Ireland, keep doing what u do xx

Is it unethical for me to create a bunch of RU-vid accounts to like this video multiple times?

If you're wondering about the personality types, look for: Meyers-Briggs (MBTI) test. It says there are e.g. certain introverted and extraverted personality types, and it's quite interesting! It can help in understanding yourself better, and help understand how people preferably function or interact with eachother - also in relationships. Take note it's of course to help, not to confine. Bless!

amen. God is using you guys in a powerfull way thanks

I married my husband 1st because we have the same faith. 2nd because I enjoyed being around him and 3rd he's the opposite of me lol it has helped me as a Christian to grow and vise versa. And We never stop learning ! 😁 ( We have the same dream , YES! ) and yes if you cannot be around that person iT will be a really rocky road. I agree with this beautiful couple . God Bless you!

What if after you get married you realize that you are not chasing/ desiring/ called to the same goals and destiny as the other?

I love how y'all look at each other. 😍❤️

Love you guys!

Yes..."the one" is the one you marry.

Ya'll are amazing! love you guys.