Why You Let The Narcissist in your Life And The True Dynamic Between Them and Codependents!! 

What I heard from Jordan Peterson once, has stuck with me. He said that to really grow, is to look at your parents, as if they were someone else's parents. When I look at my parents, it helps to see them in totality and at a 10 thousand feet high distance. They were all those things with the whole world. Their capacity to be inhuman, had nothing to do with me. It is very freeing. Of course, it helps that they passed away. We grieve what we never had.

I like that Richard says: Don’t sleep with them if you are only dating…. Good one! 👌🏽its the perfect way to not give anyone power over u. Our bodies are sacred. No one should have easy access to our sexuality specially if u don’t know them.

If you start seeing red flags of something that just doesn't feel right about someone you need to start holding back a little bit and putting them in the acquaintance zone and don't let them so close to you that's how you protect yourself from a narcissist

"We have to make laws to keep men from having sex with corpses and goats. Don't think that sex is love." Omg, I'm dead. 😂😂😂 It's true. There's your proof. God bless you Richard. You are so funny and so right. He's also dead AF right about Codependents needing supply. That's not Victim Blaming. It's calling out Codependents and asking them to be accountable. I used to be a very manipulative Codependent. He is not wrong. My parents are very narcissistic. I played out that cycle of begging to be ignored, abused, and then love-bombed.

They test us, and we don’t have or hold boundaries. They tell us things and we think we can fix them, we need to fix them so we will get better. BUT we don’t! We must heal and look at us completely and then we will be able to not only see it but resist it.

They love to bait. They love to confuse you with word salad then say you’re dumb for not understanding. Every attempt at getting them to talk about their bad behavior follows the same predictable pattern.

Love bombing also implies there was love when in fact there was only ever bombing! -Sam Vaknin

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him

A lot of great points here! From what I understand from Hawkins and Rosenberg is that there’s a scale with codependency on one end and narcissism on the other. The general goal is to be in the middle… For me that’s building myself up, being my own savior, building my own kingdom, in order to heal and be balanced enough to be open to allowing a healthy relationship. I need to forge a healthy relationship with me first.

These two are bonding through similar trauma and that's where sympathy and empathy live. Thank you for such a heartfelt and honest discussion

To me you can tell a narcissist because there's not really a person inside of there to connect with it feels like you're just grasping at straws to have a basic get to know you conversation a lot of the time. It feels like there's no one home inside of them. They talk about their special interests or about things that will boost their ego and they can't hold a basic conversation about how are you how's work what have you been up to what's been going on etc etc.. you'll see them constantly belittling other people based on mutable characteristics and snap judgments...

No Richard, don’t hold back, tell it like it is… His no-fuckin-around approach is as reassuring as it is time-saving

You hit the nail on the head Richard...the unconcious is playing a huge roll.

this was great. I've been following Richard for years, and sometimes I think him being interview brings out some next level stuff!

saying don't have sex is not about being a priest, it's about safeguarding your mental and psychological health. If you even want it. You're right Richard, it is powerful magic. Given away for cents. The lady didn't get it. She said, "we believe there is a connections when there isn't". The reality is the opposite, that is, "there IS a connection when people pretend there isn't". I think the lady missed the point.

Deep inside my soul, I have always felt but never wanted to admit that, I was actually getting supply from the Narc as well, no matter how horrible she would treat me. After this interview, now I can accept my own reality. I knew the game was rigged, but ignored the inevitable outcome!

This was such a good interview, it’s nice to see Richard being interviewed and with such good questions from the interviewer

no. every situation is different. most of us see the sweet side of these people and hope for them to change and stay sweet. because that's what WE would do. we don't need or want to be mistreated. signed someone who left narcissistic abuse and already healed

Really like Richard Grannon, first time I’ve heard of him.

At this point, I practically create them. I have found that self care is the main protection from narcs and the narcissistic spirit. It travelsand I now have to fight becoming one now it's so prevalent.

Wow. That's an amazing answer. Right before she says "Wow, that just blew my mind." This guy really knows. I love this. "If that's what the person is doing...", yeah. Turn away from those behaviors. The inner fantasy world compared to reality is so interesting. Ugh. I was stuck for a long time. I will never let summertime treat me like that again. I only talked to the guy bc I knew him for a year or two at age 15. Just kept thinking he just couldn't be as awful as it seemed. Then I had to try to figure it out. Oh, my GoOd. Richard G. is so funny! He sounds like my friend Shawn from Wales, who is so, so funny.

Was in a 45 yrs abusive narcissistic relationship , it's made me stronger ,I'm trying to move on but I have the abuser on my Facebook , I brought up two step children which is our only connection. She's been maliciously smear campaigning as I talk with others , her mission is to destroy and isolate myself which I did myself anyway ,it makes me more determined to move on and live what's left of my life in peace and some sort of normality , God Bless guys stay strong Love and Light .🙏☺️❤️💞💯

I truly enjoyed your interview with Richard. I have followed him for years, and benefitted from completing quite a few of his courses. You have a lovely, sweet and authentic style. This was 'therapy' for me as well, so thank you. ❤

They can seem really fun and loving at first but eventually The mask will slip and you'll see that they are the most empty miserable people you have ever met.

Yes, narcissists disable our defenses or if you are raised that way you are trained to never resist and to accept all their bullshit. We appreciate your style Richard. It is necessary. Good for you in not allowing yourself to get hijacked into another direction just because that's what is trending in that field. It's better for business and also being effective to be authentically yourself with your actual life experience that you know directly than to get on the bandwagon with a bunch of stuff that clearly isn't working and you know that. That's actually part of it, we are trained to silence our true vision and get on board with a group of any sort believing that's smarter but it seriously isn't. That's not actually wisdom. Wisdom is earned. We have to be able to distinguish that but I think the truth always resonates so even if a person moves past that into the habits that bit of truth is permanently burned into memory - it's not a decision. A lot of therapists are motivated primarily by money and so that's contaminated. Some parent don't value their children honestly so rather than set a fence around them they will invite everyone they know to join in their abusive devaluation and think they're amazing parents while doing it. I like the term glove for that type of total exploitation. I also like Achilles for that - the Narcissistic power of your mother. Nice work you both. 💫

I’ve lost confidence and trust in everyone. Ironically, at the end she said she gained trust in people. She became so cold. She projected, Triangulated, was controlling. I had to say goodbye for good.

Don’t let him fool you. You can’t be love and not love. We have to love because we are love. So we need to find ourselves in the frame of a divine being. You will have to learn to love. Until then we are still struggling. Learning to love others without becoming vulnerable to them is the key. You cannot govern away who you are to make someone feel better and love at the same time.

"hunger for the resolution or replication" of abuse, good way of putting it. This is what needs to be diverted away from and realizing that we can't get blood from a stone. We can't get feelings from someone who doesn't have them. I love the way RG has matured

You are both lovely people. That was the sweetest hour-long conversation on Narcissism I have ever watched.

What if we idealize the real? You are correct Richard Grannon. We idealize each other and we idealize the image we imagined that person to be. People are so funny. True npd's are quite damaging to those they "love". All of us humans value and desire love so much yet deny that we are ever seeking it. Love is really the only purpose of life in my humble opinion. Is enlightenment not a form of love? What is a higher purpose? People have fallen victim to the idea that love equates happiness. It does not. Some of the greatest examples of love are sacrificial. Is that the true issue with this epidemic of narcissism, political and moral divide, and blurred boundaries? Do we value our own individual autonomy more than sacrificial love? Is this what our societies are truly struggling with? Maybe. Love, with all of its ensuing sacrifice, is no longer valued as an ideal. Truth went first but everyone was distracted by MTV and reality television and didn't notice. I have often felt that those of us living now were born on a precipice in history. The edge is rapidly approaching.

Great interview! There are a lot of dynamics to play out in your mind while dealing with a narcissist, but they all derive from one basic truth, we were not true to ourselves first of all. I guess that's the whole point, 😀 to know thyself and to stay true to it.

I learn't alot from this and I relate to the feeling of feeling worse as I am getting better.

I honestly have always attracted narcissists or various levels of men with those traits.But after having a romantic connection with a full-blown one..it eventually opened a Pandora's box of childhood wounds that made me realise thats what my father was .It gave me many insights, but it was traumatising.

This is so true I have never looked at it this way!!!! How are we supposed to heal from all of this craziness???

I realized i had to deprogram from my childhood programming 😮😢😂😅

Good good good questions here!! Fully relate. Finally some others who have not been love-bombed. Subscribed, thank you❤

This was a heavy one, but it’s made me more curious of myself & experience, which I sincerely appreciate. 🙏🏽

Beautiful interview. Really great.

Yes, it is idealization for sure. Not love bombing. That’s why you keep excusing these bad behaviors.

I don’t know if those who stay are unhealthy. A lot of times you’re in your 20s whereas you do not have enough experiences to know what is right or wrong. This is why older narcissist (like Pdiddy) go after 19 year olds. This is why redpillers say that women are mailable young. All young people are impressionable and do not know through experience what is healthy. Most people find it hard to leave relationships and that’s probably because they really fear aloneness.

I think two words are missing from this whole analysis and those words are ... NAIVETY and TRUST. No, we didnt all 'know' what we were getting into. Not on ANY level. Victims of narcissist abuse aren't looking for a narcissist to make theirlife hell so they can learn lessons... they're looking for a relationship based on mutual trust, affection and respect ... and that's exactly what the narcissist APPEARS to offer them at first. And that's because the narcissist ISN'T naive, ISN'T trusting, plays their cards very close to their chest and has an AGENDA from the start. Their agenda is ... what does this person have that I can exploit them for and gain for myself ... then it's now I've got what i want out of them how can I get rid of them and take the lot? Narcissists only concern is about winning. They'll play the longest game and the dirtiest game and that's why we call them 'players'.

Are we "blind" for real or is it that we don't want to see what is real? Because every time when something was unhealthy... down, very deep inside was a feeling, but every time as well was the thought that ït can t be so".... I'm in recovery for some years, but i'm feeling lost and also this question is always on my mind. Until what point was our responsibility? I was raised by a narcissistic grandmother ( and an absent narcissistic father) and also have two long relationships with this type of people (romantic). I don t know why is so important to know the answer at this question, or maybe i know.... it s hard for me to make peace with me, who wanted or stayed in those relationships, or think what i could not make it without or that part of me who was so afraid ... so hard to accept . Thank you

I love the therapy chat. I've been in consistent therapy for 4yrs. I've also had 3 different therapists. I've done EMDR, normal therapy and now transpersonal therapy. I've cut so many friends out of my life, realised the extent of narcassistic abuse from both parents but feel so lonely and I've felt like my life has fallen apart. I honestly don't know if doing it had been good for me or not and feel kind of codependent with it now. Wondering if I should let go and live my life again!! I have felt so isolated and confused by it all or is this normal?! 😢

Powerful yet delightful to watch. Thanks

Somatic work might help, the body need to release emotions as well. Walking in nature is good for the nervous system. Now it is worse than ever before because the pain is coming to the surface. Listen to Gabor Matè. Read Eckhart Tolle...Ciao

So nice to see Richard

'Sexually incontinent.' What a phrase

Brilliant talk very informative thank you ❤

This is so true I have never looked at it this way!!!! How are we supposed to heal from all of this craziness???😊

Richard Grannon rocks 🎉🎉🎉

The latest narcissist I encountered was also a psychopath, so in this case they could 'tell' I had codepency wounds, and *intentionally* used that against me strategically. But I'd probably attribute that more to the psychopath side than the narcissist, they saw me as competition and literally wanted to take me out. I grew up with a narcissistic friend who was far more 'autopilot'. I also think there actually isn't true equivalence between narcissists and codependents. Narcissists are stunted developmentally pretty much in totality, whereas codependents usually grow up in some sense despite not 'integrating' the wounds where parts of them haven't moved beyond the trauma. So there is actually a 'wounded authentic self' or in my case 'a split authentic self' with codependents which is why they can heal and can still have such wounds while being very self-aware, whereas narcissists never developed *any* sense of self, so they are truly hollow on the inside. Also, I've found narcissists love this idea that there is an equivalence between them and their victims, which is not true morally if not in any other way, but this is the way I think factually there isn't actually an equivalence, despite there definitely being 'two sides to maintaining the dynamic.' So this is the way I tend to frame it (which I think is true) which makes clear there's a difference, without making a factual or moral equivalence (which is how this can be perceived as victim blaming), whilst still acknowledging what needs to be acknowledged to heal.

I just found you because I follow Richard. You did a great job on this interview. You let him talk, and asked insightful questions. Richard helps so many people. Can I suggest you put his name in the title of this video? I think more people will find it if you do. Thanks for the great interview.

Excellent pod cast…more of this

Refreshing to hear an open discussion on connection and its disconnection. Thank you

I had a narcissist girlfriend, I let her go. My rule: no more dating democrats.

Excellent conversation!

Maybe the co-dependent doesnt feel like they deserve any better...at least in my own relationships.

Excellent interview it flows with deep contents. You have real skills and gifts for interviewing 🙌🏻 really enjoyed listening and learning and mix of leading questions and spontaneous chats Blessings

the ‘codependent supply’ is real- i haven’t heard anyone admit it . the way i refer to it is. the codependent will give as long as their own emotional addictions are being met. notice that the ‘empath(codependent ‘ never complains until their addictions are no longer being met. also, it’s absurd people call themselves ‘empaths’ but can’t sense that ‘love bombing’ is manipulating until they themselves start to devalue the ‘narcissist’ if both are idealizing, then devaluing, then discarding it’s part of the same trauma cycle. How can you say ‘love bombing’ is manipulating when it’s what happens when you idealize someone.. on both sides. if we’re talking about psychopathic manipulation i think that would be different.

Wow about the splitting so accurant 😮 this interview is so educational thank you 🙏🏻

WoW Excellent information & it's educational for us all -a wake-up call from two experts in a discussion, a spark & then reflect upon...Thank you guys, Best wishes from Beautiful BC

OMG this exactly 23:50 all together good and I turn out to be the bad person. I am holding onto them being the bad person this time. I have attracted 4 more after having my father narcissist.

super thank you both or this honesty

This is great!🎉

The Devine is spectacular, amazing, beautiful. Catholicism is one of the worst things that happened to me in my life, and I wish my lovely family wouldn't even bother with organized religion. Great day, evening or night!

Good interview!

idealization rather than love bombing, true

Watch how they treat the waiter .....

Very interesting. In hindsight I absolutely agree that I saw a huge problem and it was stressful and I went forward anyway convincing myself it was different or not a big deal that I felt so terrible about it and maybe I had some desire to suffer... ? I mean I definitely could have walked away but didn't from the beginning before it even went anywhere because I was already irritated. That's messed up to want to be with a person you can't stand or who is insulting or does bad things when you can clearly see it. Very disturbing and what you said in another video about cognitive dissonance causing us to do different mb shit that's exactly correct. It was a battle in my own head where I constantly made up reasons to keep dealing with it even though I was totally hating it. But in both cases where I did this the person was very good at kissing my ass after they did something bad or the one person who I was with for 5 years and really was messing with my life would actually do something nice in advance of going against our relationship and everything we've discussed as limits. Yes, it impairs judgment with both their bait and switch stuff and in your own head trying to discipher it. I haven't had any interest in anybody for years because I just don't have the desire to try it again. It would be nice if that healed or changed, but with the world how it is I don't really believe a perfectly smooth relationship is possible so I'm just not interested in trying it. Unless it was you RG, of course. 😉 But that's not possible so it's another angle of now am I going to be only interested in inaccessible men if I ever start to think about dating again? I had an insight the other day in a meditation about NPD. I was thinking about how there may be universal concepts that are rites of passage in growing up that were never mentioned and we suffer a lot in life trying to figure this stuff out and it may be so basic that we take it for granted or never question it's existence even until there's some pain that forces us to investigate and what if during the development of a child they programming is so resolute that they accept some nonsense concepts that actually cause more energy to go into developing the certain parts of the brain that are consistent with the programming. Sounds obvious now that I've said it. I've been trying to think of tests. One, since narcissists hate sick people would be to bow out of something because you aren't feeling well without much more explanation than that and then observe how they react. Do they try to talk you out of it knowing that's actually asking you to stay and suffer for their satisfaction? I think a lot of info could be found out doing that and it's pretty harmless. Don't make up some diagnosis just say you need to go home now. Then pay attention to everything they do and say. Write it down even so you can't trick yourself later. The reason I think this is a good test is that you will find out exactly how selfish or compassionate they are for you so make sure you're truly prepared to be shocked if you think you like that person or have a connection with them but if there's no compassion for your unknown suffering or desire for you to be more comfortable without them right now or think of it this way, what if you married someone then became ill? You need to know this. I don't think it's an unethical way to get an enormous amount of crucial data. If they pass and you feel guilty you can always confess and since they passed I think they will understand. But if they haven't passed and this is like the 4th date or something absolutely delete their number and accept your assessment with full confidence and don't trick yourself into thinking you've missed out or made a wrong decision even if now your hurt and want to "work on it" by explaining all of this because that is going to turn out bad guaranteed. Maybe it's actually a good purpose for date #4 or whatever because they're going to be interested in sex by now even though it's really not enough time. I'm actually thinking this has legs I'm going to keep working on it. I mean what if each date had a certain purpose? Security clearance. 🔦 I would say in general this culture has lost these graces and we didn't learn how to do this for our safety because of a too-casual attitude around something that actually has a lot to do with our health and sanity and physical and financial and maybe parenthood it's just irresponsible the way things are being conducted. Now there's some sexually transmitted ring worm in New York as well so you literally could die from bad decisions of this nature in a lot of various ways. People always have these theories but I bet that came from bestiality and considering all of this I would say maybe that is the mark of the beast we've been wondering about. It's a big red spot on the skin from the picture I saw. Don't take chances I'm with promiscuity anymore those days I do believe are done. This could continue to get worse. Pestulence and diseases and terrible weather, almost everyone being a narcissist, wars and rumours of wars etc etc this earth and atmosphere are alive. I really don't see it as coincidental. It's amazing that the giant flying spiders hitting new York are yellow and black which is a warning color combo. This week I was driving and a black and yellow bird flew in from of me. I couldn't believe it. I've never seen a yellow bird like that in nature. Pay attention, that's probably the only good advice.

Yes! Yes! And yes!!😫😫😫 why ? Why ? Do I keep attracting narcs ?

Thats my storry with mum omg .It's fight of titans .

How funny just ran a cold bath while listening to this podcast 👍

If only we could turn it into a real tour that encompasses fitness as part of the day

You should interview Dr. Ramani if you want to know more about narcissism! She’s wonderful❤

That makes sense to you right!!!

Because our children now trigger another layer to work on 😮😅

Richard is super funny 😀😀

Then they lead you to the slaugtherhouse.So accurate.,

You two have really nice chemistry. Super cute ❤ Thank you for the great info. Sending you both unlimited blessings. ❣️

I met him 😁at work...he was all smiles until I saw😆 ugly side and boy did that continue for years until he passed away

Wait wait wait… Grannon speaks Spanish?! Whatttt 😅 Second, u can have a superego without an ego? Is that perhaps just an introject? An adopted voice that’s not your own? Third, I actually very much disagree with the repeated solution of “go to therapy.” Having went through 4 degrees in psychology, a doc program, and saw a few therapists while I was in school, I can say that MAYBE 1 out of 1,000 therapists really have any clue what Narcissism is, let alone how to treat it or its etiology. Reason being is because the DSM-5 hardly does it justice and doesn’t even touch on etiology. There is hope. I got through it by watching what feels like thousands of hours of videos on narcissism AND by never falling into the trap of being a “victim.” You’re not a victim, take ownership of where you went wrong, never stop working on the best version of yourself, show yourself grace, strive to be better.

What about those they have empathy to other people but not on their partner?

Cant fake.... The impact on you.

I have a family member, and at 51, I finally realized that person is a covert narcissist. Can one have a real relationship?

A narcissist who pretends to be a helper sat at the little table; where he belongs. :)

New subscriber from Australia 🇦🇺 love your channel ❤

Eroding your critical thinking skills...omg!!

You need the peace of Jesus, he did say he has a peace to give mankind. He understands and loves you and is the doctor for our souls.

Man i seen all via phone messenger in a distance, i seen a total psycho rage in front of her kids via webcam when she started to love confess towards me, and the kids been sitting all normal without any reaction....guess the rest... she fucked up her 6 year old relationship where she has been married for the last 3 years... the guy been effed up by all hes nerves and she made an alcoholic out of him. Now they divorced...

Sex does not gonna solve anything, the everyday life will be a fucked one with her or him all the time

Not everyone can afford therapy… Espoo e who is a specialist in Narcissist

Wow, I didn't know he spoke Spanish 😮

I wasn't love bombed

anything penetrating the mind shell is translated, "distorted, deleted and generalized"... basically the truth is rejected in favor of the false pretending acting role @43:15. That's what Jesus said of them, "they prefer the lie". It is their choice.

Who’s behind the mask?…. Usually a traumatized 3-8yo. If someone breaks the narcissist get them a sucker bc that kid will be crying

im so tired of the "its an overused word" trope, we realize that is what uneducated grifters say who dont care right? It's a societal epidemic we are raising kids to be narcs

Wow, this guy is super annoying. 😂

Grannon has no clinical training in these matters. It is obvious he has a very crude approach and one that demonizes people. It is has nothing in common with how understanding of actual complx issues are treated. But the public wont know that and he utilises that to project an image of knowledge....but there are massive flaws in his content. Victimising people is a crude form of scapegoating in itself.....but thats lost here as people are distracted by his inaccurate use of special terms ...which are nothing like this in real psychological practice. Its a crude parody. Grannon is a bouncer who wanted to be in psychology.....i let my plumber fix my sink but i get my consultant to do my colonoscopy.

Richard Grannen is a joke

Grannon is one..... funny eh....obsession with narcissism is for people with deeply unresolved issues..... creating a hysteria. Authentic people are not bothered by such people. So watching narcissistic types discuss narcissism as if it's everywhere is a demonstration of the dual issues. It warps the perception of such issues far more than is necessary. Amateurs. Grannon is a bouncer who doesn't like standing in the rain chucking out drunks....so a platform and creating hysteria serves him well, but only adds to the overwhelm of unhealthy societal paranoia and mental health distortions.