Why you should talk to strangers | Kio Stark 

Ever think about the best friends you've had? All the good times? They too were once strangers you took a chance and talked to. Good talk.

What's up strangers?

This talk reminds me of a wonderful quote by William Butler : "Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet."

My favorite interaction with a stranger was in a hot spring that was supposed to be quiet and there was this really old guy at the edge of the pool and he had an oxygen tank sitting on the side of the pool. He was trying to use his hands like a squirt gun and was laughing every time it worked. I sat near him and he accidentally squirted me in the face, I looked at him and started laughing and squirted him back. We ended up talking for a half an hour and talked about all kinds of stuff. He made my whole year

I am an introvert in the true sense of the word. I'm introspective, I'm a reader, I love to write, and create. always trying to find the deeper meaning of things. I was taught as a child that I was shy and believed that. and grew to have social anxiety as an adult. but I broke out of my fear of people and talk to strangers nearly everyday. introvert doesn't mean shy.

I completely agree. This irrational fear of strangers is the perfect recipe for social awkwardness and anxiety. Being comfortable around people, especially strangers, makes you a calmer, more perceptive, confident and overall better person. Love and stop being afraid of other people.

This is the first time in my adult life that I am riding public transportation to work. And my day is brightened when a stranger gives me a compliment. I will be giving out more compliments myself.

Man, this audience is not laughing at her subtle jokes. Way to make her totally uncomfortable! I always try to laugh at jokes during a speech, just because I would want others to do the same for me in their shoes.

As an introvert and shy person, people might think that I'm not friendly or that I don't like people, but it's just that I'm not good at social interactions and I don't find them fundamentally necessary, but that doesn't mean that I lack empathy or that I'm an antisocial. I find it surprising how easy it comes to some people to talk to strangers and make friends, here where I live people tend to be very open and friendly, when I'm new to a class and I don't know anybody they are hesitant in the beginning but they quickly socialize and before I know it they're all already friends, and it's not that easy for me.

A woman once asked me for directions on the street and we ended up taking the train together. She was very friendly and we talked a lot! It was my first time having an actual conversation with a stranger and at the beginning I was really unsure what to share and what not to share, what to ask, and what not to ask. But as we talked more, I didn't really have to worry too much about it, everything just came naturally. It was then when I realize how great it feels to connect with a stranger. It's really nice to be able to learn something about someone, hearing glimpses of their story. Sometimes it just feels good to talk to someone you don't know and probably won't see afterwards, to talk to someone outside your social circle.

Talking to strangers helps you develop people skills and it makes me feel happy

I talk to everyone & it's wonderful. my friends always try to stop me but I want more people to do it :)

I tried this today. I tried to get noticed and it worked! An old man walking past me told me to cheer up. I wasn't actually sad, it was my thinking face. But it worked! He responded.

I always feel that because it's not really the norm, when you actually end up having a nice conversation with a stranger, it is extremely satisfying. And when I don't know a subject to talk about, I usually stick to my golden rule: people usually love talking about themselves :). Therefore, I quickly follow up any conversation with a few questions about them and this usually works.

This talk opened my mind. I have been taught to be wary of strangers all my life... but statistically, being friendly does make more sense. Why are we... over 90% of the population act like everyone could have been a criminal waiting to harm us when only a really small group of people are that disruptive? We should remain cautious, but not to the point of making enemy out of everyone we have never even talked to. After breaking out of that bubble, the human world indeed can have a lot more friendliness than previously imagined, which unfortunately got missed out on. Thank you for this talk.

Where I come from it's not uncommon to talk to people we don't know.

I'm from the Midwest and we talk to everyone. It's weird to read the comments and see how people think this is abnormal or unsafe. Being kind is a way for a "normal" person to change the world.

Talking to strangers are beautiful. Even though sometimes u have to hide a part of truth, it's good to have Someone to talk to, or listen to.

I used to be so shy and anxious and hated talking to strangers. I especially felt awkward trying to talk to customers. I thought I was just naturally bad at conversation. Now that it’s part of my job responsibility to get to know my customers and have good service, I LOVE talking to strangers. I love hearing their stories, learning about how other peoples lives are, and also talking about myself to them. It makes me feel happier and fulfilled at the end of a work day. Now my coworkers are amazed when I have a 10 minute conversation with a customer and always say “I’m so good at talking to customers” and I always tell them that I wasn’t always good, but practice makes you get better. It’s overall helped me with my anxiety as well as made me more confident!

Hi guys, im a stranger.

few days ago ive started to talk with strangers, it is changing my whole life, every interaction is a new world, i love it, its great whey you appreciate and get appreciated as a person, it dissolves so many prejudices and assumptions you have, its eye opening and beautiful, people are social creatures and its in our nature to cooperate and communicate

To me, starting a conversation is easy but to maintain the conversation is hard and can be awkward

It is so true what she said about passing somebody. You look at each other from a distance, then look away as you pass.

You have delivered your points excellently. Your enunciation , the way you have spoken, given pauses are all perfect. I have heard you first time. So far, You are my most favourite speaker. ☺

so does this mean there is candy in the van?

I always greet the strangers even though they didn't return on! Love this!

i asked a stranger what his name was once, he said he's Hugh Mongous

i just love the way she talks.

I used to talk friendly to everyone I saw on my daily basis, until I started growing up and those same old men that where my "nice neighbors" started sexualizing me. How does a teenager doing the exact same thing as when she was a kid, just because I was growing some hips, became flirting?why doenst she explains that? ps: I literally just say hi or smile as I used to do as a child, to the same people, and the coments grew from "she is growing up to become a beutiful lady"(compliment) to "you are stealing a lot of hearts"(little creepy) to "oooh mama", "oohh la em casa (ohh if you were in my house)"(unapropriate) to "what I would do to see you naked","why so rude? come chat with me"... That is why I only talk to woman strangers and is usually to warn them of a creep trying to see under their blouse or steal from her purse (sometimes compliment her clothes /make-up/tatoo)

"else, you're missing all of that." works for me.

Beautiful message. I agree.

You know some of the best conversations i've had were from times when I was wasted and talking to random people who were also drunk, or when I was just taking a stroll downtown and ended up talking to some homeless person

I think it's kinda difficult to an introvert like me, but I may be will try it sometime. Thanks TED

Great talk, thank you for sharing. Such an important message.

I knew this guy that would always talk to people. One new person a day is what he said. The crazy thing is he could go anywhere in the city and people would know him.

I like this story. I know I have forgotten how to know strangers. Thank you.

Kio... Just want to mention that you are an amazing public speaker, VERY pleasant to look at as well! :). Thank you for this TED.TALK.

This talk is bristling with intelligence! Best one I've heard lately.

Thank you, I love to talk to strangers while I'm on vacation. I love to hear about other people's lives. On the other hand, I do not like talking about myself, yet. You have verbalized my similar thoughts about strangers. So your video will do the talking for me from now on when I want to tell someone the benefits of talking to strangers. To me, this is an important video that all children over 18 should watch.

I think it's kind of fun to have conversations with people in the bus or train on the way to school/work... Because there is indeed a chance that you will meet them again... And seeing a stranger one more time who also recognizes you is probably the coolest thing ever 😂

This is amazing! thank you for the nice talk

Really, awesome, I was obsessed by the idea of talking to strangers, one day, a stranger was next to me in the bus, and I started to ask him about his college, and I found that he is one of my colleagues that I've never noticed, I introduced myself to him and he did so too, and for 3 years, we have been friends, and we worked together in a lot of projects, the graduation project was one of them, since then I loved the idea of hitting a conversation with strangers, that one of them may turn out to be a future friend.

Wonderful !!! and an amazing guide to travel, a "how-to" on making connections with the people in a country you're travelling. Thank you very much ! (and sorry for bad english... cheers from France !)

When you said it's rude to ignore a stranger in Egypt i remember Ammar from Yes Theory. He's very jolly and outgoing person and it's very natural for him to talk to a stranger without any hesitation.

i do all the time as salesman while prospecting, i sell spaces for out of home advertising, try to approach business owners, CEOs and managers and genuinely say to them "we are to serve you" and "i´m sure the advertising will help your sales to grow, because you have a very good or important product or service", it has help me a lot to get sales, and more important lot of friends, as i´m a newcomer to the city i live now... great speech for meditation!

As a Californian, I'm like, "Duh!" Were much friendlier out here. When I travel to New York, I notice people could live next door to one another for years, but never even acknowledge each other. I'm glad this New Yorker is spreading the message. 😁

My mam told me that I shouldn't talk to strangers cause they might hurt me. Then I get hurt by people who close to me

Love it , thank you . I always do it but never thought about the benefits . Hello from México.

Depending on where you live (any big city in the US), talking to strangers on the street could end with you being jumped or shot.

i met mt best friend 5 years ago and it all started in a classroom when i said:"can u borrow me ur rubber?" amazing

I know its like 7 years to late but just this weekend I visited a Concert in Austria (I live in middle eastern Germany) and I went there all alone just by myself. With all the Regio trains you can take with our Germanyticket and I've met alot interesting people on this journey. I was waiting 3 hours with some refugee guys in some Bavarian shithole, I sat next to a 72 year old Homeless guy telling me his lifestory in the beautiful richpeoples City of Passau, I got to know some greek guys and the austrian people that listen to the same Music as me and I had a really cool way back home with some ppl from the concert that had happen to have the same destonation as I did and it was AWESOME!! when I rethink it it is especially so cool because of all the random strangers I've got to know that little bit. It was so wonderful to win against the inner pig dog (laughs in german) and to have that experience and joy that it brings you to overcome your Compfortzone

It is one of the most clear and useful speech

I shouldn't talk with stranger because the internet has told me that if that stranger is a woman she doesn't want to talk to me and if it's a man I'm just assuming his gender and he probably is going to assault me :(

Where I'm from it's actually quite common to say hi to a stranger, especially if they are an elder.

Agreed and frankly speaking i felt it too to talk to strangers is far more good.

I find this deeply interesting. I do think many people are unsure about strangers and prefer to avoid them but most of that comes from very deep beliefs that most of society is bad. No doubt there are bad people out there but I think its good to try things like this and talk to strangers. On some occasions you might be surprised how willing they are to have a conversation with you.

she has a beautiful voice

Really enjoyed watching this video. Thanks,

Best ted talk ive watched 100% truth she speaks

I have always spoken to strangers and mind you , I am from New York city where this is a big no no. I've always been ridiculed or spoken to about how it can come off as inappropriate. I never understood why it was so. This is good incite.

I can absolutely relate. it's effortless and you never know where the connection can go we only have our stories and connections in life

I am actually from Egypt and wat she stated is true except the part of inviting a stranger to ur home, but ppl here r friendly!

Weirdly enough the only time talking to a stranger has ever worked was when I visited Sweden, and the locals there were just so excited to use English on somebody. Swedes tell me how standoffish and unfriendly they can be, but being a foreigner turned it all around! So if you think the speaker is wrong (and I'm pretty sure she is for most of the anglosphere), try doing it on holiday!

She's a great speecher, I didnt understand that silence from the audience.

Its a very good energy.

i literally feel like i want to go out and talk to everyone i meat on the street! thank you! that was awesome!

wow this video really reached to me because I have very poor social skill and I'm very anti social next time i see a stranger I'll try my best to start a conversation

I met this random retired elderly teacher who I didn’t know and was at my school for something. She asked me how my exam was because she was just sitting there when I came out at the end. So, I said it was good and felt like talking with her even more. She looked like she was 60 at least but she told me her age was 70. I was surprised and told her she looked younger than her age. From then on, we talked about genetics which also led talking about race, ethnicity and culture. I was surprised as to how our conversations felt so real and flowed so easily. I don’t know why I connect with elders more easily than teens my age. Usually, when I talk to my friends, they are always so disrespectful because they are using their phones in front my face when I’m talking to them in person! Also, I’ve noticed that whenever I try having a real conversation with my friends, they don’t use their facial expressions and are always replying to me as robots. Does anyone feel the same??????????

For a long time, I’ve been taught to not talk to strangers unless they are my friends that I know. Even though I have listened to them over the years, they are times that so end up lonely when my friends start to get busy with college/work. So I believe when it comes to meeting someone new in school or in public parks, I should keep in mind that strangers are just normal people. Of course I should keep my boundaries and start small because it could help me feel more comfortable with talking to anyone.

Its very good speech on stranger.

I'm drunk.

Starting today, I’m doing a “Talk to strangers” challenge where I will talk to 10 strangers everyday for 60 days. I wanna see what I can learn from this. Will update

I'm typing this in a serial killer's basement, in chains. I can taste blood. Thanks TED!

The part when she talk about the old man is so attractive. She’s a very good talker.

I'm not a Dane but I can relate to what you said about them. It's my daily life. It actually hurts, it's so difficult to live when you're like that.

this is wonderful

it's something very normal in Morocco , on train i always make new friends , old people always carry their traditional homemade food and give it to anyone , that's why i can't leave my country i can't imagine people not having that small talk about football or the last episode of a serie even if they don't know each others ,smiling and playing with children ...

i hate when strangers telling me personal things

5:20 - People often feel more comfortable being honest and open about their inner selves with strangers than they do with their friends and families and that they often feel more understood by strangers. Thank You Kio Stark for pointing this out. I have often felt and experienced it. You know, why we want to feel comfortable and more comfortable? Because it's our nature that we always want to and we always want to throw away the pain from deep inside us, which we are not able to do with our friends and relatives. And I think everyone has some or other pain which they yearn to share. But I meet a lot of strangers who don't wanna interact while I am always in the "inviting" mode. Sometimes I have tried keeping the first step and it has worked out well. But surely, it requires a bit of mental preparation, a warm attitude with a bit of gut and enthusiasm.

3:53 very good point right here

hugh mungus

I now have the chorus to REM's Pop Song '89 in my head.

Thank You Kio, Cities can be anonymous, unfriendly places. .I completely believe in your philosophy to reach out to others, we're all just people.. I have social phobia and trying to appear casual and relaxed ,yet friendly is highly difficult!

I love it.

No. No you shouldn't. Stay away! >:( Sincerely, an introvert.

I'm obsessed too!!!

Yeah that guy driving around with free candy painted on the side seemed nice

I always talk to strangers. Most of the time, I make their day better

The feeling, or perhaps the phenomenon of being able to tell strangers your secrets is called Rime of the Ancient Mariner, or something like that. I've told stranger that i've self harmed, that I turned into a semi-alcoholic, and that was the real reason why i've stopped drinking now. Suppose its what i'm doing now.. Its strange, but also very important. Although the last part, about engaging in conversation has nothing much to do with the overall video. In my experience, and i'm pretty good at this because i keep up with loads of fashion and lifestyle magazines, and i worked in a photo studio. Everyone loves a hair, shoes or handbag complement. I've never met a girl who hasn't appreciated that.

Some of the nicest people I've met were strangers, no stranger then usual.

i once had a ounce of weed and no friends that wanted to buy so i had to met strangers to sell it and i got it sold and got more and sold that and more and sold and now i have more then 40 people buying from me and a dude working for me. dream big and u can also make it never let the police or anyone bring you down. i make good money i have a rolex and live good

I don't know you but it was a great speech. It really helps :)

you changed my life!

every time I make eye contact with a stranger I always smile. If I standing next to someone in an isle or something I'll ask them how their doing. idk why but I just do.

I have noticed a very great difference between regions of the USA in this regard. Although there is truth in the notion that people are friendlier in smaller towns, there is also a more general east/west difference regardless of the size of the respective communities. As we move from west to east, people become increasingly more likely to talk to strangers - more friendly, less paranoid. I'm sure there is a north/south difference as well, but I don't have as much direct knowledge of that, so I won't comment on it.

I wanna talk to strangers but don't know what topic to talk to haha, i amaze with people that could give a "hi" to stranger then have a "flow" conversation.

She really hit the nail on the head with her final few sentences. In fact she got something so correct, there at the end, that the snarky stuff I had planned to unleash on her in this comment will now not be mentioned. Instead I'll pay her a humongous compliment. Usually the way it goes is like this: economy gets worse and worse. The women of the tribe encourage their men to get out there and be more successful in the hunt. This "encouragement" starts out slow, but if the economy doesn't pick up with nudges and winks, well, then the legs slam together closed. What happens then? War. Soon enough either the successful warriors bring home huge amounts of bacon, or they die on the battlefield, and other successful warriors take their place (around the campfire with their new wives). Things go back to peaceful status quo. But she is saying that we say to "Hi!" to all those around us, no matter how little or how much money they have. The economy goes down, so what? she is saying. We can all just tighten our belts a little bit; there's no need to go to war just because more and more men around her seem to have fewer and fewer dollars. Smile at these strangers and say "Hi!"

she is the best speaker

Awesome

I live in Ottawa, and I talk to strangers all the time. People are usually quite friendly here.