Wife’s Manic Episodes Are Ruining Our Family 

Oh God. Stop with the online diagnosis. Everyone has everything.

@@fauxbro1983vast majority of women have postpartum after giving birth …which does exacerbate bipolar….do u even know what ur talking about ?

I was thinking the same thing! There is a reason why I Have postponed having a baby... The main reason is I know that if I become depressed. I'm gonna be a problem. Even though I just had a baby And ruined my body.

​@@fauxbro1983it's not a diagnosis. If I had said "post partum depression" or something akin, it would have been. But what I'm talking about is the post-partum phase during which many things can affect mental and physical health such as lack of sleep, hormonal fluctuations, neurological changes, etc. There is absolutely no way that having recently given birth and living with a newborn is not in any way affecting this woman's behavior and mental state (or that of the father's for that matter).

​@crybaby-killa6155 since when does having babies "ruin" your body!? Check your narrative, it kinda blows!

Shouldn't had one you pass it on to your child its selfish irresponsible

Wow, the first part of your story mirrors mine exactly. I have spent hundreds and hundreds of hours researching bipolar. My husband is also such a good man when stable. The difference is after 9 years of ups and downs and cycles and financial and emotional ruin, I need to bow out. He struggles with addiction too and he’s just not shown me he’s putting in the work to manage his illness. Every time he goes manic I have ptsd. He’s manic now. To be honest bipolar is a progressive disease and at least for my husband it seems to be getting worse with time. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life neglecting my self care because I’ve spent every last drop picking up the broken pieces from his episodes. I love him immensely but mania is so unpredictable. I could put in another 20 years only to be lied to, cheated on or stolen from. I respect your love for your man and ability to stick by him and it sounds like he’s putting in the effort as well which is everything. I wish you well, I truly do. I know this is not an easy path we’ve chosen and loving someone through bipolar is tough. Make sure you get the support you need too.

@@jadez7802 Oh, I’m so sorry! Addiction on top of everything else…I can’t even imagine! I understand the PTSD, just from going through it for a year. You’re constantly on edge and waiting for the collapse. That’s no way to live and I absolutely understand you finally deciding that you’re worth more than that. Even when they give it everything they have it’s hard. Even in just regular relationships! You can’t keep things together by yourself. You need someone who’s going to fight with you. Thank you for the well wishes. We’ve been continuing with what I outlined above and he’s now nearing 2 years stable. I know it’s progressive but do believe they can learn to manage it…if they have the determination to do so. We never know what the future holds but I’ll keep trying as long as he does. I wish you the very best. I know how badly it hurts right now, and although we never think we’ll be able to get through it, we always do. There will come a day that you look back and know you made the only decision that you could. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. You may always love him. Sometimes we just have to love from afar. Sometimes we have to realize that…we need to love ourselves as well ♥️

I honestly wonder if it's wise to stay with her with a child, though. I wouldn't stay with a physically abusive partner because of the way it would affect my children; I wonder about staying with someone with mental illnesses that are this bad.

@@elladeon One time my mom was walking on the freeway barefoot with me as a toddler and my brother and father pulled up and took me from her 😬 My dad protected me from any real harm, and I think that’s all he needs to do. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And don’t think just because she’s a good mom most of the time doesn’t mean she won’t do something in a manic state.

Sorry this is hard core: Get out now! Your life will be misery . Never knowing when the absurdity of the cray cray will begin/end. Never sure if there’s credit cards being opened in your name. Never knowing if it’ll be a nice nice day with your child or a screaming shifting reality day. You’re an adult, imagine being 3, 4, 5 years old with the mental issues. Most people who stick out the cray cray think things will change but most of the time they regret it.

@@tiffanynicoley Thank you for sharing your story. It’s comforting to to know we’re not alone. Your story of her walking with you guys on the free way gave me the chills. My mother has Bipolar 1. When my sister and I were little, my mom tried lighting the curtains on fire, my dad saw and obviously stopped her. And she was STILL mad at him.

Oh my gosh SO sorry u went through this, they don't remember the hurt they caused? That's disturbing

It’s certainly possible and thank you for pointing that out! It’s absolutely possible for an individual with bipolar to live a happy life and have healthy relationships. Will it be harder? Sure, but it’s worth it! So happy for you! 😊

I'm curious how hypomania shows for you, as well as the long term risks of meds. I have family members on antipsychotics and anticonvulsants and they developed all kinds of health issues. Diabetes, hypothyroidism, arthritis at early age, just to name a few.

Sleep deprivation? The callers wife just had a baby she most definitely is sleep deprived. This could be a factor

@@mcb00 my hypomanias manifest as being very chatty and bubbly, with high energy. My primary trigger is sleep deprivation. I end up doing things that worsen the sleep deprivation, like cleaning the house or making pasta from scratch at 2 am. Everyone is different in terms of meds. I’m very adherent to my medication regimen. I am on a mood stabilizer and a very low dose of an SSRI. I was on an antipsychotic, but I ended up with akathisias, so I no longer take that. I also ended up with a lot of weight gain from that, and I need to work on losing now. I still have ups and downs, but I do what I can to maintain a good schedule that minimizes sleep deprivation. I also see my psychiatrist and therapist regularly.

@@Mombal5 yes, sleep deprivation is my primary trigger as well. My heart goes out to this family!

You can develop bipolar overnight actually, so it's possible she didn't develop her disorder before that.

Bipolar can be diagnosed in adolescence. One parent has the disorder.

Pregnancy hormones can make bipolar worse (and other mental health issues)

Also, I can’t imagine throwing all kinds of caffeine on this situation is an awesome strategy 😬

Niiiice…. 🤣

😂😅

Ahhhhh 😂😂

My therapist mentioned something similar (my mum has bipolar ) never considered it but could not agree more !

I could’ve written this comment. I totally agree with you.

My husband has bipolar and I completely agree. I HATE mania. It turns people into narcissistic time bombs who are totally unpredictable.

100% agree with you, my dad is bipolar and we have traumas in our family because of his mania phases, he would go wild and think he was a super hero and would become inconvenient and at times aggressive with us

​@@priscilamaeli1i am so sorry you had to go thrue this. I dont know if your dad is still alive or if your still in contact today.. But that sound to me sounds more like schitzoaffective disorder, witch is a mix of schitzofrenia and bipolar. And from what ive learned its more complecated and serious when its to huge disorders in one. I dont know why dr john did not mention this but I think its verry important when a behavior occurs to see the psychiatrist and change the prescription. You cant have the same medicine when your in a manic state as when you are in a depressive state. Also its very important to treat the schitzofrenia. Sometimes they need to go to the hospital for a few weeks to adjust the meds. There are beautiful stories out there on this topic. I dont know if you read alot but if you do and you think they could help you to portrait this in a different light or put your mind at piece a little, I would be happy to share them with you. ❤❤❤❤

You’re right. People with bi polar 2 disorder don’t deserve to live. DEFINITELY don’t have any kids. Why would they give birth to a person who might take our credit card debt and get a tattoo?

@@SarahConnor562 Love does not conquer all when there is untreated mental illness, addiction, or abuse.

Sadly, I agree. Don’t have more kids. Research says it’s passed on from the father’s side. My mother has bipolar 1. Her father suffered from depression and who knows what else. My mother is 62 and STILL has manic episodes.

He dated her for 2 years. That's already crazy long

One in 5 people in the US has a diagnosable mental health condition. Tons more have mental health issues that don't meet criteria. Should half of the country not have kids because *some* of it is genetic? Environment plays a huge role too.

Dude, run!

But I bet you are crazy about that guy!!!

Somewhere along the line, from how you’re describing it, it’s not even that he is “bipolar” - it’s that he’s a selfish asshole

Those meds are not working if he's manic for months. I also have to suspect substance abuse because that duration of mania is highly unusual, and you don't mention periods of depression.

Freeze his credit, no creditcard. Give him pocketmoney and protect yourself. If the law in your state said you're responsible for half of the loans, credit in the marriage I would divorce him. You can still live together but his actions is not your responsebility

With all due respect, you're making huge generalizations here. Your 2 friends are not representative of the whole population, and tons of people are misdiagnosed, as John correctly pointed out. These are subjective labels based in behavior only. It's not like there's a blood test or scan to diagnose them, so there's a lot of variability and causes. It couid be hormonal, the side effect of another med or drug, a temporary state triggered by high stress, and a myriad other things.

​@@mcb00Well this is very true especially for bipolar 2 from things I have heard n read over past 10 years including my own experience. Was never diagnosed or did anyone ever think I should be all my life n had fairly regular life no legal issues, addictions etc. Had jobs for 20 plus years n friends for same duration. But things really hit the crapper when I lost my last full time job in 2008 during the recession. I had been having problems with my parents n both siblings for couple years at that point but not actually estranged yet. They were seemingly worried that I was an unmarried n childless woman who despite having a college degree that I paid for n despite working still lived paycheck to paycheck renting apts in the North East. This was actually seen by them as abnormal or worrying to them back then. Over time this led to problems between us n then my brother and extremely wealthy n successful sister got involved in a negative way creating further problems. While I thought I had good friends and they were good in some ways, I think my venting about it or there worry about me too as they were all married with kids n doing better ( of course some with parental help of various degrees) but I started to lose my friends too. Eventually a yr or 2 later I tried to end my life n ended up in hospital. The first time or two they just gave me a diagnosis of Depression and an antidepressant that I was reluctant to take as I didn't believe this chemical imbalance crock but was respectful n polite to any n all staff that were seemingly helping me so I tired it and continued on that and even tried 2 others once released a week later when no change but as I suspected that was not my issue n the reason I wanted to end my life. However bc I always had a tendency to talk fast n also I recognize staff barely has time whenever I did talk with people I spoke even faster so I could say what I needed especially as my story got longer over subsequent hospitalizations n entering the Mental Health system as well as housing. Pretty quickly I got the diagnosis of bipolar 2 but the thing is I was never,even then someone who walked around like a sad or depressed person. It just was not in my nature no matter how I was feeling inside. So they just automatically think if you want to be dead you must be depressed which is still don't believe but either way medication is not going to heal a broken heart and hopelessness. I was experiencing deep grief, rejection, abandonment and only good therapy n my own reading and research would ever help. Wish Johns show was a thing back then. Would have helped me immensely. They give a diagnosis of Bipolar 2 or other even more stigmatizing diagnosis to far to many people who are just going through tuff time n have no answers especially women. Because it's not too this or too that it's a perfect label bc it's hard to prove you don't have it. Of course they should have to prove you do have it and they necer can least of all in a hospital setting and if you brought yourself there you seem like an ingrate to not listen to them and the psychiatrists are awfully thin skinned and take it as a sign of disrespect.

@@brandyk I agree. I hope you find a therapist and good friends that get you and value all the good you have to offer. Drs don't get to tell us who we are. They don't know us better than we know ourselves, and their degree didn't include a specialization in us!

This!!! It seems that marriage means a lot of sacrifice and craziness. I prefer peace instead

Bingo!!! 🎯🎯🎯 Why people choose a life of misery and chaos is beyond me.

Very true!!!!

Par for the course with any bipolar.

I'd be GONE

@@cdcnd4spd13 good riddance

If they know she has bipolar they need to shut down their credit so she has more friction to spending money. Or even limit her access to the accounts if that is possible in some way. Having a 3 month old and not sleeping are absolutely going to be triggers for episodes for a person with bipolar. Meds would certainly need adjusting. And some additional limits need to be put into place for when those manic episodes happen.

it’s almost like mental illness is a problem 🤡

of course she hid all this from him before the marriage.

Bipolar is not controllable. My mom has very serious bipolar 2. Growing up was rough. but we had years of peace then episode, years of peace then episode. Sometimes it’s a pattern. Towards the end of my parents marriage it would get worse and worse, I think stress triggers it a lot more frequently.

So, your daughter will have daddy issues.

The thing is she can't make any choices. People are so uneducated on the matter.

What causes this in the first place? I think it's witchcraft/ negative energy people.

Yes, they do. They can go 1,3,5+ years of seeming asymmetrical.

They can go years without episodes actually.

sadly, Dr John only advises women to get a divorce. With the male callers who always advises them to stick it out no matter how chaotic the situation

If I was him, I'd leave. Peace of mind is worth everything. Life is already stressful enough, I don't need more stress from my partner.

My brother just divorced his bipolar wife. He was exhausted. He stayed until the kids were grown and left. Shopping sprees, combative. Highs and low lows he was tired.

"In sickness and in health" means so little these days...

he didnt marry this version of her, she was able to hide these maniac episodes until after the wedding. However, I do agree with you if he knew before the marriage that she had these issues that he should keep his oats@@jennifertackett2241

Ah yes, write off her completely sabotaging the family’s financial state.

My mother has Bipolar 1. We never had a “normal” mother. Unfortunately, people don’t understand how irritable and draining this unless you live it first hand.

@@claudialeon9175I’m so sorry you had to grow up that way, no child deserves that! It’s important to remember that they aren’t all the same though. There’s different types and severity levels…it’s a spectrum like anything else. Also, the right meds make a HUGE difference. Some take them, some don’t, some take the wrong ones… They aren’t just the exact same person walking around.

I’m thinking it could be post partum too …

a spiral can be triggered by major life changing events: marriage, surgery, death, childbirth (for a father too). It’s quite common for this to happen and if someone isn’t aware because the diagnosed individual wasn’t in a manic state for a period of time - it can seem sudden, but there are early signs if they are willing to work together. Getting them to work together is very difficult and if not supported by multiple individuals the effort can be counterproductive. Speaking from my current experience.

They actually can go years without episodes. Sometimes many.

Agreed 💯 I have a younger sibling that has bipolar, and his manic episodes taught me everything I need to know about the condition. If I'm dating someone and they reveal that they have bipolar, that is an instant deal breaker. I am not going through that kind of stressful chaos again.

There’s a 10% chance his children will inherit bipolar. It’s not even almost a certainty. Only if BOTH parents have it, does the risk go up to 40%.

The committal (involuntary) process is only allowed if the person is a danger to themselves or others. If it cannot be proven then you are relying on them to voluntarily go inpatient. On the other hand, it’s like the vaccines mandates, forcing someone to do something to their body/ take meds that they don’t want to happen.

You think locking her up right now is a great way to handle this?

You have not had to deal with the raw side of behavior disorders. Just wait. You will.

@@hadenanderson563 Nuh-huh. I took my own advice, that I gave to someone else here: I upgraded my vetting so that I recognize and avoid that particular problem in a partner. I don't have mental illness and I already ran from people who do.

So much for "Death until we part"

You said 'in sickness and in heath.' Well, he's sick. Find a doctor; don't jump ship. Plus, it's kinda off base that you married after he started spiraling. WT*? If you're gonna run like this, then upgrade your vetting so that you recognize problems you don't want to handle EARLIER IN THE GAME.

Ugh- so sorry to hear that!

100% agreed with you. 💯💯💯 Life is hard enough as it is, who needs to come home to a chaotic household? Home is my sanctuary, my resting place, a place of calm and peace after a day of hard work. Who in their right mind would want to come home to a stressful situation? This guy needs to ditch her if she doesn't want to help herself. He can't help her. He can't fix her. If he stays, he's choosing a life of misery.

My high school boyfriend went into full blown bipolar disorder with psychosis at age 21 and to this day, which is more than 20 years later, I still get reports of his psychotic behavior from people who see him around my hometown from time to time.

This. One of my learnings is that if the behaviour is odd, "then drugs". So often there is drugs. And "medicine" is a drug - just a society accepted drug - no difference. Drugs and medicine have there place. Just worth considering.

That, oddly enough, may be the best advice I've ever heard. Definitely worth a shot. Cheers!

Omg!! I had inappropriate laughter with this one!!

If only it were that simple 😂

Tell her you're going to the store to get milk and then just don't return.

Yes. Her name is Roberta Skidmore.

Too late, if you ask me--which no one did, really. Why, you ask? Because mental illness is genetic and they already have a kid. He's in it for life now, with or without a divorce.

And get a vasectomy

This husband needs to put his newborn baby first, even before his bi-polar wife if she is a physical threat to their child. Remember Andrea Yates? She murdered all of her children (5 - 6? kids) just after her husband went to work that morning. It only took about 2 hours altogether.

she hid all this baggage from him before the marriage. He didnt sign up to deal with her mental baggage. He needs to get a divorce and fight for custody of his child

Because reproduction is the reason any of our ancestors survived.

Agreed bad decision

Its only money? Thats their childs and their future and security. Its worth being responsible.

Wow! Insane!