Women Who Always Thought They Wanted to Be Mothers Explain Why They are Now Childfree by Choice... 

i don't have parent friends we have different values and interest. they have lost their identity

This is a good perspective that people don't talk about ​@@beaulieuc8910

​@@beaulieuc8910 I hear you but please understand it is hard not to lose your identity when children especially from 0-5 yrs require 24/7 care. It's non stop and all encompassing. You remember who you were and try to find your new self while giving your all to your child. It is not easy please try some empathy.

I totally thought the same thing!!!!

That is EXACTLY what I did. I am happier for it.

THIS!!! Expecting unconditional love from children is part of their default argument. Nobody sees this for the sick shit it is??? Imo they're already shit for this kind of selfishness in having "unconditional love" expectations from children. Better to go fix that sickness than to bring children into it. They just end up disappointed & doing anonymous "regretful parents" threads on reddit.

agreed. Many of us are estranged from our abusive mothers. I prefer to love my plants, my boyfriend etc than my mother. don't think i ever loved her.

I care about my mother but I don't like or love her, and she knows that. If she was dying in front of me I'd call the paramedics, if my dad or stepfather was dying infront of me I'd laugh and watch. She raised me, the best she could with her trauma, and I can acknowledge that. But her having kids way too young and never dealing with her own trauma caused me trauma as while I had a home and food she was never there for me emotionally (even now she says she should have beat me more, great parenting 🙄) I was put out at 22 even though I paid every household bill, expect the mortgage, as well doing the cooking, cleaning, and yard work.All because I fought back at her screaming drunk in my face at 11am. I told her that I won't be taking care of her when she's old, that'll be my older sisters job. She's said she's scared I'd unalive her if she was under my care. And honestly yeah, there's a good chance I would.

I don’t like either of my parents, I rarely think about them in any positive light. Having children doesn’t guarantee love as it’s a choice not a necessity

I definitely think my mom wanted unconditional love, control, life insurance, caretaker from me. I don't like her at all. And feel obligated to care for her in my own way. It's hard to tell someone you love them when you don't.

After I became aware of my mother's narcissistic behavior, I stopped loving her conditionally. When I realized what was happening it made sense why she didn't have long term friendships. I give her the least amount of attention as possible knowing it might result in negative energy from her. Like you mentioned she there, but she's really nobody special to me.

yes, i tis a big risk, and parents can go to jail easily because of their kids

I always wanted one but I realize that my mental and economic state is not good for a kid. I wouldn't want to put anyone through that

Thank you for sharing!

They attack them because they are Free and unburdened, with all their time to themselves to do with as they please and a future of endless possibilities. Their bodies are intact, their stress is much lower and they r happy.

@@saffylllama5609Yes! Most likely. And it’s incredibly childish.

​@@saffylllama5609I'm writing a book. Two of my friends with kids who are also writing have to leave the house to write. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home writing, no interruptions.

Honestly I feel like that's why most people have kids, and that's why we all turn out so messed up in the head...our parents had us to fill whatever voids they felt in their lives, and now we're untangling that crap in therapy! Good on you for not putting that pressure on another little human!

It’s not just women. Men and women usually feel more pressure from their family and society to have really kids once they are in their 30’s, but regardless of age, anyone can regret having or not having kids. Lots of people who get married or have kids because it seemed like the thing to do are the ones who are more likely to complain anonymously on Reddit, and detail how they wished they waited till they were with the right person or stayed single and child-free. Even people who don’t regret having kids go through a period of regretting having kids. This usually occurs during the toddler and teenage years of their kids.

Most people that say that have kids & wanted kids . They didn't see the other side . It is possible for people to regret it if life circumstances made that choice for them instead of themselves .

Do whatever you want but don't harm others. Especially children

I'm sorry, did you read that aloud and think this is it? It doesn't take much....we're these expectations were discussed prior ? Or are you just pushing your expectations on to your "friend?" This is really sad for so many reasons....that you really may not get. And some wonder why CF people just want CF friends.😢

​@@aylanae4797my statement that "it doesn't take much" meant that small gestures mean a lot to Mothers. Even 1-2hrs of a nap without having to worry about your baby really helps. Of course she would discuss this with her friend. It may not be discussed before one friend becomes a Mother but it would be considered in the natural progression of the friendship. A true friend cares for the other as you transition through life. When I was childless I happily helped my friends with their children. It was a good experience for me to have Auntie time ( I am an only child) and it helped my friends. Also she said in the video that she wants to help her friends who have children.

@benatiyah life changes come with discussions...especially if it's baby. You have to communicate with everybody else when it comes to helping/expectations your partner, parents/ inlaws/ siblings/ doctors so a conversation is needed. A friend not giving hands-on help doesn't mean they don't care, and you helping your friends in that way you can't expect others from you, and when they don't do the things you would do; it doesn't mean they don't care. You have friends who will bring you food/ meal prep, take you to the spa for a girl's day, be a listening ear when you're stressed...there are others ways for ( in this scenario) a CF to still be a caring friend without direct interactions/ babysitting duty. Communication is key to showing you care for your fellow human.

It’s not our job to watch your genetic mistakes. That’s what a husband is for.

The only person responsible for doing that is the child's father.

I found the right person for me and guess what, they don't want children either. Finding the right person is so important, sharing fundamental outlooks on life and building a life that is right for you. That life doesn't have children in it^^ I am so glad that I found my life partner

The biological clock was a made up term created. Women can have children in their 30s and 40s as well. Children are a lifelong commitment. Not everyone needs that commitment.

I would have a 2nd child, but the right partner is so hard, I've given up.

There is NO cocktail. Only Menopause. But no urgent inner Pressung to procreate. Ukraine got hundrets of Billions from all around the World. Lets hope they spend it on schools, esp basic human biology.

A romantic relationship isn't necessary to live a happy life. Especially women often do a lot of Extra work for a man and get nothing back.

What so special about forties? If you had children in your 30, in your forties they would have been around 10, in your fifties they are leaving the house and you are alone again. That is, if you are a shitty person who makes children so they are not alone. All you need in life is the ability to build strong and meaningful relationships. And you probably don't have that, judging by your comment. Real relationships require empathy.

I think that what can potentially happen is that in your fourties you begin to lose a lot of the privileges of youth - this along with seeing friends getting imense joy from their children developing personalities and breathing new life into their families. For some people, this is a moment where a fear of being lonely, old, and forgotten sets in. And other people are fine, of course

⁠@@RelaxWithDog This is an unrealistic take. Parents can appear happy with their children, but behind the scenes there is a lot of drama. You have to keep in mind that every family has its issues, and the snippets of joy you see or they tell you don’t paint the full picture. The last part is spot on, but regardless of reason people need to be 100% in it if they choose to be a parent.

I think if everyone needed to be 100% ready/sure to become parents, there would be very few children!@@tiahnarodriguez3809

58i woman childfree and very happy. lots of hobbies and a good social life. never wanted kids, and the more i see them grow up to be rapists, drunk drivers, text and driving motorists, narcissists, murderers... no thanks. far too much hassle and drama

Oh shut up with your whines we chose not to have children because this world is sick and for you to say this make me glad I don’t have any who are you to tell us to have children go somewhere

We could say at the same time that patriarchy has ruined you, that you think that women shouldn't be able to live the lives they want to live

maybe who knows. i believe the economy will decide. all of these pronouncements depend upon a certain standard o living which is going away.

quit whining about money, it's a fixable issue. I had twins during was in Ukraine, got pregnant 2nd month of war and ran to the shelter at 2 a m pregnant. Had no thought that it was wrong. I am still here, twins are wonderful healthy girls, expecting third and happy about it. And I am not in poverty, but in constant unpredictable danger. WIlll get back to IT in a couple years, not too soon. The standard of living and money, economics reason are not reasons, they are excuses.@@lindaostrom570

Yup, very likely she will regret it. I had my twins at 34, second month of war in Ukraine, had C-section during lat winter's constant power outages. Everything is good. Expecting again. I thought it's my chance to have 1 child and maybe leave abroad (men are not allowed to leave). I was getting ready fro the thought of not having kids and even my husband due to war... Already had fertility issues... So it was such luck to get pregnant at 34 with twins, 2nd month of war expecting a need to flee checking of the russian tanks are coming close or not. Thankfully we f*ed them well, I owe our army my happy motherhood. I know it's not the subject here. I just mean how valuable having kids is and reasons like: selfish or not, oh the world is cruel, or so little money- are laughable! Do you have rockets killing civilians sent every night on your heads? No? You'll earn the money for god sake... But it played out well, the twins were born here, expecting 3rd here.

I share your exact same sentiments but I'm 35 so I shifted my focus to enjoying my childfree life.

@@PeaceTheGypsy love this for you!