XIII Remastered - Do Not Buy This Game 

Same 😬

He's very clear about how qualified and small potatoes any positive in Fallout 76 is

Yeah, it's actually a bit shocking how blunt he is. Usually he tries to be nice about it, at least.

i think there are two or three more occasions where he was negative, but most often when he doesn't like a game he tends to make a different video instead of publishing a negative video about it.

The last one I can remember him actively hating in the middle of the video was Homefront. He really hated that one. He even left in all of the recordings of him leaving the table, taking a walk, and swearing about how terrible a time he was having.

Agreed. He actually is a very good judge of things like game mechanics, and that is not even including his actual analysis videos!

I can do that ! I'm gonna listen to his wise words! Like him I loved the OG XIII and wasn't really gonna get it and now I know I'll never get it xD

That pretty much sums up, what I got out of the video.... yeah!

I clicked wondering if this was a joke "Don't Buy," but wow. Legit warning from Jon. But I trust his opinions.

Not even a proper end card too, just ends

I've been subbed for as long as I can remember and I think it's the only time I've ever seen him post anything with even a remotely negative title...

He don’t hate the game he hates “This Game”

Not gonna lie; I almost cried. All the other bad games that still got the outro. The games he had to censored with hedgehogs, the terrible game that's best part was an in-game arcade machine with Time Splitters 2. Unless otherwise stated, I think this is the worst game Jon's ever played.

@@petermiddelkoop110 homefront revolution was alright.

Not even the end video. You hate to see it

@@petermiddelkoop110 Could you tell me what those two are called?

Agreed

The biggest travesty in this video is that he played the game for more than 5 minutes.

It took me a few seconds of trying to find some double/hidden meaning or joke in that title. Then I realized he was serious...

Why would your default be to think that title should or would be a pun? What about 'Do not buy this game' could be a pun?

@@Picnicl It´s just a Jon thing for me now. Most of his titles have some sort of pun in them. So the first thing my brain does is try to solve/understand the pun. Besides, as others have said, it´s rare for Jon to release a video on a game he didn´t like.

@@Picnicl Because it´s not about this title. It´s about the hundreds of other pun titles. This one is a rare exception. Also. not about should or would, but "could" it be a pun? That was my question.

@@johnyshadow OK. I wasn't familiar with his work.

XIII Death

XIII reamateured

First time at coding for a programmer that doesn't want to do it lol

it is fair to say that he was warned by the steam reviews.

Eh... this and maybe Homefront

I thought it was a joke at first myself 😋.

2020 is truly brought us the worst.

Not just not recommend it -- he actively recommends against it.

He's done it a few times. There was a top-down animated game where you were a graveyard keeper - called, fittingly enough, Graveyard Keeper - that he didn't recommend, for example. Though he was more disappointed with it than actively offended by it like he was with this game.

Money's a bit tight this week so instead of not buying it now I'll not buy it after next payday.

Maybe if we get another stimulus check I'll not buy it.

Yea I giggled...sue me

Good advice, I’ll immediately not buy it!

@@PoopSunday I'd sue you but you probably don't have shit for me to sue you for..... So I'll sue u next year.

That's what makes the office so secret, not even level designers know where it's supposed to be.

Along with the Missouri flag. I don't even understand how they could make that mistake.

@@martyshrekster I'd kinda understand if they put in the borough flag of Brooklyn, even though nobody uses it (or knows it exists), since it shows up as an option on wikipedia. but a whole different city/state???

I lived in St. Louis for 16 years and I had no fucking idea there was a St. Louis flag.

And it's even on sale currently

If the virus caused so many problems, why didn't they just delay the game?

I’m all for treating employees better in The software industry, I’m a software engineer myself and less crunch sounds wonderful. But if you take a productivity hit from the rona, and your game is a remake of a 15 year old game, there’s no time pressure. Push back the release. Of course the real answer is this was always a joyless cash grab and even if a pandemic never happened it would always have been utter garbage

honestly.... I’m about to mention this game to my game design teacher to see if he can use it to find examples of what *not* to do. First few minutes and there are so many issues that don’t even make sense to be going wrong... like basic controls. Meanwhile from a visual design standpoint, it does indeed have a fish eye filter on it... look at the corner of the screens it gets blurry in the corners and focused in the center.... which is just wrong on so many levels. It’s giving me a headache in a few minutes, and I work in front of a screen for hours a day. Also the lighting, seriously the lighting is absolute garbage, everything is super bright with no shadows in the opening beach area. Lighting is an art form and when expertly executed it makes nearly anything look amazing. Even my teacher said the best way to make a finished object look better is to add lighting. (It works) Here’s what’s super awkward though, I’m trying to get a good look at the models and... they actually aren’t that terrible... I think... the fisheye is making it hard to tell. Let’s just say I’ve seen worse, a lot worse. Even in high budget games. Animation is a bit rough, but that’s a different department than base models and textures. and reminds me of the animation typical of games that have the tech of triple A companies but not the budget. So the Fisheye filter isn’t likely covering up for some huge shortcomings. They applied it probably as an “artistic” choice, even though I bet the game would look significantly better without it, given they also fixed the lighting a little bit.

It's not excusing anything but with a titan like Cyberpunk just around the corner, delaying would have also hit the sales...

Well since he was a fan of the original the disappointment is somewhat understandable. XIII was one of my favorite games as a kid, obviously seeing a remaster being announced last year, I was very excited to experience this game in modern graphics and gameplay, and for the possibility of a sequel to finish the story. And then the actual game being this bad is just a kick in the balls. I mean it's not like you couldn't see this from a mile away, every teaser and trailer before release screamed a complete lack of imagination and creativity (golden gun skins as a preorder bonus, really, how more lame can you get?), and it's not like the dev team had a great track record either. Still, the whole situation just sucks a bit

Ride to Hell was at least fun to watch on some occasions, this one is just... ugly, that's the word.

Ride to Hell was like somebody who wasn't very artistic trying to paint, and the picture turned out bad. This is like somebody doing a colour by numbers and scribbling over the page.

the death animations are as if the AI gets reset to a t-pose, and then crumbles in on itself

probably Ride to Hell... just cause you die.. a lot and have to replay sections over and over.. at least this game, the AI is so stupid you won't have to worry much about replaying crappy sections again... But yeah, shame on them for remastering this classic into such a shitstorm. :(

Honestly, I'd argue the opposite. This game has not changed the original, and someone might find the original from this game and the reviews. There is no good Ride to Hell.

Fallout, Mafia, Assassins Creed, the list goes on.

I think you meant "many a true gamer"

LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY BABY BOY!

I mean they remove the cell shading from XIII. You know enough at that point.

Is it not Holy Poop?.........to go with the flipping.

@@icameisawicringed6644 This "game" deserves no such niceties.

I like how different are your reaction to the title and reaction to the gameplay. lol I did the same thing. I was like "man i am sad that they couldn't do good remaster for a masterpiece." Then, I watched the gameplay and I was like "are they all blind? who the hell are the devs for this shit? why didn't they fix basic animations? how the hell dying animations stuck in the pre-alpha tentative stage? Holy shit."

No ‘h’ in Jon you twat

@@alpha1beta1gamma You're correct, but still being a twat yourself about it

Check his videos of Journey and Dark Souls 1.

@@Cyfrik Also Ryse and Homefront.

I know right? You know a game is garbage if even Jon can't find the good in it 😶.

@@cartermariano Homefront:The Revolution was the only one I thought of, where he put audio in of him literally having to walk away and take a break from the computer because the game was so shit but he was only playing it to get to the bonus game hidden within, Timesplitters 2. It also included censored uses of "fuck" because he hated it that much. But yeah, first Homefront was also awful. Ryse he half hated half found hysterical because of how inaccurate it was.

Resident Evil 6. I'm surprised he made more than one episode of that series. Only series he's ever abandoned. The other games he hated were all one off shows. RE6 I think is the only series he's abandoned for being totally crap.

I never read the comic but I played the game when it was on GameCube when I was a kid, it blew me away with the gameplay tbh I still don’t even know what the story is about I just remember how fun shooting and graphics were.

Wait, there's comics!?

I liked the tv series

@@callumpeterson7898 yeah, the games is based on a comic series

What are the fucking odds that we have the same exact pfp???? I've been using this pfp for more than a decade!

Well I think it's fine. Jon wasn't even being very cynical in this video, he just stated the truth and how this game doesn't come anywhere near the original.

@jocaguz18 Had the pleasure of meeting him once. Lovely bloke.

@jocaguz18 We lost one? OMG, did one die or?? What happened?

@@elisabetta611 Gonna guess they're referring to TotalBiscuit, aka The Cynical Brit.

Bad management rushing it out, probably. All of the issues shown in the video aside from the art-style are just normal, run of the mill bugs that happen in development of every game. It's not particularly incompetent to make those mistakes. What *is* incompetent is forcing a release of a game in that state.

At least the controls mostly functioned on that

may we get link?

@@manueltellez9460 just search it

That's a throwback. Goddamn, 2016 was almost 5 years ago...

Well for americans with the right... attitude it's probably still ok. His issues were the "plot" not so much the gameplay. This here everything is just bad.

You mean is, the original still exists, thank god.

for me the original still holds up. it works and has style

@@Puremindgames The original is available on GOG updated to run on the latest hardware an OS's completely DRM free, can be played in HD etc, it is the definitive version of a great game.

@@Wobble2007 OK, I didn't say it wasn't.

That's too much of a compliment, lol.

Yes but this game is less buggy than a Tell Tale game

@@RedDragon1444 And yet it's shit in every other way

The funniest thing is.. it could have still gotten worse. Imagine if they'd have pulled a kingdoms of amalur.. and released this.. while simultaneously removing all ability to buy the original game

@@FluffyDragon thatll be on the warcraft 3 reforged level of dickery.

I would love to see Jim cover this. Though it'd need to be a new entry into the Squirty Play series, because that's how low-quality this is. There are asset flips out there that are legitimately better than this game.

Jon already did a video on XIII.

@@tarnvedra9952 I know. But consider it it a "Remaster"!

It feels more like Jon being pissed off

I made it 4:30, not looking forward to the next 1:30 then

Yeah, this is essentially game restoration and they've ruined the original. Watching this as a hobbyist gamedev makes me understand how my aunt, who works at painting restoration, feels about those shitty restoration jobs. (Also, us Spanish are on a roll, huh?)

@@rikamayhem An unfortunate roll to be sure. There were a few more instances I could've dropped, but... I figured most well known and most recent (that I was aware of) would suffice. These also had the best nicknames. Hopefully that all can at least lead to a more strict vetting of would be restorers. In the same vain, hopefully this can serve as a lesson for future remasters. Sometimes less is more. You're bringing this game to a modern audience because the original deserves it... Kindly bring the "same" game to us, make your modifications tasteful and/or necessary. I see no value in a remaster such as this, save perhaps as a warning to others. As Jon himself said, those responsible for this should feel deeply embarrassed.

Believe me. It made more sense in the comic book world that XIII was originally in. It seems so out of place in a 3D environment with 3D actors.

I ask as I have been binging your other MEs, nearly done with the insanity run :)

..and suck so bad:(

*Demake

It's not a remake, it's a theymake.....as in theymake it worse.

XIII Disastered

yoooooooo

Insert Steve carrell gif here